00:03One of Joe's oldest friends, she's a comedian, she's an actress, and at one time she was Joe's
00:09babysitter. Not, not big Joe, little Joe, who's not, not so little anymore. Ladies and gentlemen,
00:15please welcome Tiffany Haddish. Well, well, well. I'm so honored that you asked me to be here today,
00:29Joe. I've known Joe since the early 2000s, and I didn't know I was speaking. I just thought I was
00:36gonna come here and cheer you on, and then I saw, I finally read the full email when I was
00:41getting
00:41the directions here, and I was like, damn, I gotta tell, I gotta speak, and I'm prepared, I'm prepared,
00:49but I'm prepared because you always been in my heart. I remember the first day I met you, I was
00:56like, I was 10 years old, because we not finna go there. I'm young. I'm young. I was very young
01:08then, and you were young too, and you had hair, and I was skinny. I didn't have no cellulite,
01:15and I was just trying to survive, and I believe that you were trying to survive too, but you were
01:20thriving at the same time, and being, we were at the Laugh Factory, I believe it was 2003. You had,
01:27you had hair. I wanted that hair, but then it started to disappear, and I was like, oh, what's
01:32going on? And then you went bald, and you look good. You look good. You look very good, very handsome,
01:38very nice, very demure, and, um, and, uh, I just remember watching you on stage,
01:47and how you would light up the whole room, and, and how I wanted to do that too. I want,
01:52I studied you, Joe. I studied you every time I hosted them shows. I was watching everything you did,
01:58how you moved around the room, how everybody loved you, and I'm like, wow, how does he do it? How
02:04does
02:04he do it? Then you had a baby, and I was like, damn, this it for him. It's over.
02:12He working at Nordstrom Rack, and telling jokes, and you had a baby. It's a wrap for you, bro. It's
02:20not,
02:21it's over. Like, just give up. Go be the manager at the Nordstrom Rack,
02:28and you didn't give up, and you would bring your son to work, and I'll babysit your baby,
02:33and I'll be like, get your baby, man. Like, what are we doing here? Then I'm like, I should have
02:38my
02:38own baby. Like, I shouldn't have your baby, but your baby was so cute, and look at him. I would
02:43whisper in your ear, Joseph. I would whisper in your ear, I'm your real mama. I'm your mama.
02:51Because I would watch your dad, and I'm like, he's gonna be big. He's gonna be a star, and I
02:56want to
02:56be a part of that. I want to be a part of your family. And then you introduced me to
02:59your mom,
03:00and your sisters. And I just was like, man, I wish I could bring my family up here, but I
03:05know it'd be
03:05too dangerous. And I wanted that. I wanted to be a part of that. And then I was homeless,
03:13and I was scared to tell anybody. And I was scared. I was always scared, but whenever I saw you,
03:19like, all the fear went away. You was like the big brother I always wanted and I needed.
03:24And we would be hungry. Both of us would be hungry. You probably was hungry because you just left
03:29Nordstrom rank. I was hungry because I was homeless. And they had them hot dogs wrapped
03:36in bacon just across the street from the Laugh Factory. And we would stand out there,
03:40and we would talk about our dreams and all the things that we wanted to do. And I would smell
03:45them hot dogs wrapped in bacon. I'd be like, dang, Joe, you know what would really help make our
03:48dreams come true? If we wasn't hungry right now. If we could have a hot dog wrapped in bacon,
03:55do you think you could spot me one hot dog? And he'd be like, yeah, I'll get you two. I'm
03:58like,
03:58two hot dogs? He gonna marry me one day.
04:03We would eat our hot dogs wrapped in bacon, and we would make up songs and stuff. I still think
04:07this is a Grammy Award winning song. And I'ma sing it. Hot dogs wrapped in bacon. Hot dogs wrapped in
04:16bacon.
04:16Hot dogs wrapped in bacon. Mmm, mmm, good.
04:27And I would make sure I got every condiment, too, because in case I get hungry later, I could eat
04:31a
04:31jalapeno and a bell pepper and some nuggets. Man. But Joe, to see this journey, I mean, we had the
04:38same management, and we both left that management. You got banned from the club. I still stayed because
04:49I paid them. But you taught me how to, you taught me so much. You taught me how to be
04:55kind. You taught
04:56me how to be negative but be positive at the same time. We would talk shit about people together,
05:01but we would laugh so hard that it didn't even feel like we was talking shit.
05:06I would call you with my problems, things I was going through, and I felt like the whole world
05:12was crumbling around me, like there was no coming back from so many different things before fame.
05:17And you would help me find the funny in it. You would help me find the joy. You always gave
05:21me
05:22great advice, and I never took it. And once I started taking it, things started to change.
05:28And I'm so grateful to you. I'm so proud of you. This right here is so dope. This is so
05:34dope. We
05:35talked about this. We talked about this in front of the factory. One day our hands and feet gonna be
05:39against me and cement. And here it is. This should be me, motherfucker. No, I'm just kidding.
05:45It's cool. It's cool. It's cool. It's cool. It's cool. You know, I am a movie star. They told me.
05:57I'm gonna get mine next to yours. I'm gonna just, I'm gonna talk to somebody. I'm gonna get one right
06:01next to yours because we talked about this, bro. We talked about this in everything. I feel like
06:07everything we talked about, we have manifested it. It has happened. I'm starting to think we
06:11witches and warlocks because everything we say, it happens. So when I become president of the United
06:30United, no matter what, anytime you need anything from me, you know you got me. I'm gonna show up like
06:36you a real one. You ain't never pay my mortgage, but you definitely put me on shows and help me
06:40pay
06:41my mortgage. And I appreciate that. I really appreciate you in every single way. And I love
06:47your whole family. Everybody. Baby mama too. Where my baby mama at? Hey, baby mama. Thank you for not
06:53trying to fight me, girl. Cause I didn't want them like that. It's my brother. But I am your real
06:59mama.
07:02You are black. You just, anyways, I'm proud of you, Joe. Malakita. I love you. I love you. And, uh,
07:13I hope we get a whole bunch more to do together. More movies, more standup shows. We, we working
07:19together forever till the wheels fall off, man. Till I'm bald headed like you, like I was a few years
07:23back. Um, we, we doing it. I love you. Malakita.
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