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00:00:21When we can't afford to pay our bills, like our house bills and stuff,
00:00:26you never know what will happen in your life.
00:00:28We first met them 14 years ago in Illinois and Iowa.
00:00:33Johnny, Kaylee, Brittany, and their families.
00:00:36Good, Johnny.
00:00:37The experience of growing up poor as seen through their eyes.
00:00:41We lost our whole house and everything.
00:00:44Life is going to be hard because there's hardly going to be any jobs left when rich people will be poor.
00:00:50Like you, you might get poor in the last few months.
00:00:53You never know.
00:00:54From childhood...
00:00:55If I don't have the opportunity to show somebody to play football, football won't exist.
00:00:59Then as teenagers...
00:01:00No matter what I go through, I'll still want to try and try and try to be better.
00:01:05I know people have it worse than me and I wish no one had that.
00:01:10Everybody knows the American dream, oh, go to college and go live your life.
00:01:13That's all I want to do.
00:01:14And now, young adults.
00:01:16The last thing that I want is for my kids to worry about what we're going to have for dinner
00:01:19or worry about where we're going to stay.
00:01:21Being born poor can start off rough.
00:01:23It can be a difficult process because you have limited opportunities.
00:01:26But them opportunities will come.
00:01:28Oh, nice job, man.
00:01:29What can I do today to make myself better for tomorrow?
00:01:32Life has lessons.
00:01:33People make mistakes.
00:01:34You know, life goes on no matter what happens.
00:01:36Changing the cycle that you were born into is very hard.
00:01:40I'm still learning to this day.
00:01:42It's a long, lengthy process.
00:01:44Now on Frontline, born poor.
00:02:14My name is Johnny Davis.
00:02:27I am 13 years old.
00:02:29I'm going to be 14 in three months.
00:02:32We are in the Salvation Army homeless shelter.
00:02:36You guys will know.
00:02:38My dad had got a business and he was making about a good $5,000 a month.
00:02:43We had good and fancy things then.
00:02:48We had a three-bedroom house.
00:02:50Our living room had a 32-inch flat screen TV in there.
00:02:54My mom's and dad's room had a 42-inch flat screen TV in their room.
00:03:00And that's what TV watched the Super Bowl on.
00:03:03Oh, here's one of Tom's old business cards.
00:03:07Oh, yeah, I remember TNC.
00:03:09TNC, Tom and Classy.
00:03:12Yeah.
00:03:14When it was good, it was good.
00:03:17But I can remember having five or six jobs a month that were lined up back to back.
00:03:23And I mean decent paying jobs.
00:03:25$4,000, $5,000, $7,000, whatever it was.
00:03:29And all of a sudden, just right about the time when everybody was saying,
00:03:34you know, the recession is coming about, the recession is coming about.
00:03:38People just plain old stop fixing on their houses, stop making repairs.
00:03:42The payment of the house was due in two weeks.
00:03:46And I guess my parents just didn't have the money at the time because he was explaining
00:03:50the money to us business was slow and we lost our whole house and everything.
00:03:56So it was back to ground zero.
00:04:00Then we moved to a homeless shelter.
00:04:03Anything that can fit in a book bag or a suitcase, you can take it.
00:04:07Whatever dude, like this TV, the yellow one in the living room, that only made it because
00:04:12it could fit in my bag.
00:04:13If it couldn't fit in my bag, that would have been left behind too.
00:04:18All my life, I've been wanting to play for a football team.
00:04:21And every time we had a chance to get on the team, I never got the opportunity.
00:04:25It was just there and I would have went to the training, but it was time for us to go.
00:04:32We have to go.
00:04:33Hurry up and let's go.
00:04:35Hurry, hurry, hurry.
00:04:37My father works at the Grand Processing Corporation.
00:04:41In the mornings, we get up around 4.30.
00:04:45We get there, we come straight back to go to school.
00:04:49In, in, in, in, in.
00:04:50Sign seats, sign seats, let's go.
00:04:52The journey takes about two hours there and back.
00:04:54We had to go with our mom because the rules say that we couldn't be left in the shelter
00:05:00by ourselves because we weren't old enough.
00:05:03I thank God that he still has a chance and ability to still go out and get different jobs.
00:05:12It's not a career, something that I want to spend the rest of my working years doing,
00:05:17but it's something that will provide for us to have some food.
00:05:23It just seems like he gets further away every day.
00:05:27I know this is tough, driving out here every day.
00:05:30Here and back, there and back.
00:05:32There and back, there and back.
00:05:34It would be so much easier if you could go ahead and grab us a place out here
00:05:40so you don't have to make the trip back and forth.
00:05:44I look at that little house every time I ride past, that's a nice one there.
00:05:52You turn around and look back at the house.
00:05:54You might look at it for a while and go on with the rest of the life.
00:06:00Hey mom, that's what I got on my grades.
00:06:04What?
00:06:05Oh!
00:06:06Oh!
00:06:07That's good.
00:06:08One for the Willis team.
00:06:10That's good.
00:06:11I got two A's, two B's and two C's.
00:06:14Oh, wow.
00:06:15That's what's up, Johnny.
00:06:16I have to get you a skateboard.
00:06:18Grades is my only way out of here.
00:06:20If my grades not good, I know I can't go to universities like my dream is to go.
00:06:24I know if my grades are not good, I can't play football like I want to.
00:06:28If I don't succeed doing what I have to do in school and making good grades, I will fail.
00:06:34I'm going to live this life, life of shelters, going through hard times, can't feed my kids,
00:06:41trying to figure out where I'm going to lay at my head every night.
00:06:45My name is Brittany Smith and I'm nine years old.
00:06:59It's tough because my mom and dad are poor.
00:07:04My dad just lost his job.
00:07:08One day I tried getting in the shower and it was cold.
00:07:13I put the hot on all the way and no cold and it was freezing.
00:07:19It felt like shoving your face in a bunch of snow.
00:07:22It was freezing.
00:07:25The hot water shut off because we didn't pay the bill in time.
00:07:29It was overdue.
00:07:31Sucks.
00:07:32So what's the next bill due?
00:07:34Electricity.
00:07:35It'll be 318.
00:07:38We just need to put Roger's ass to work.
00:07:41Yeah.
00:07:42When you see the flat screen TV and the computers and our PS3 and stuff,
00:07:49that's just things we've acquired over the years before all this happened.
00:07:54Like when we were not this poor.
00:08:04It's broke.
00:08:06I don't know how or why but it broke.
00:08:09And the cheapest plumber is like $65 an hour.
00:08:13I can't even afford $20.
00:08:15Well we lived in a farmhouse.
00:08:17My dad lost his job from Picture Perfect.
00:08:20He got laid off and we got kicked out of there.
00:08:23We moved here.
00:08:24It's not very big.
00:08:26We didn't have enough room so we had to put it all in storage.
00:08:30And we lost it all because we couldn't pay it.
00:08:34How storage works is you put all your stuff in there when you move.
00:08:40But you have to pay the bill or else it gets thrown out in the street because I have a spare key.
00:08:46I don't think it's right because people shouldn't throw other people's stuff in the street because that's just plain up rude.
00:08:53I got a big makeup thing and I lost it in storage.
00:08:59I lost my favorite teddy bear.
00:09:01I lost my DS.
00:09:03It was great.
00:09:04It was awesome.
00:09:06I'm bummed out because like that was my favorite thing in the world.
00:09:13Besides my family.
00:09:15Yeah.
00:09:20Caliper shot.
00:09:23Got to get new pistons at least on it.
00:09:25My dad's brakes on the truck isn't working.
00:09:28One time we almost got in a wreck.
00:09:30It sounded like nails on a chalkboard.
00:09:33I hate the sound.
00:09:35When is the cable being shut off?
00:09:40Soon.
00:09:41Well, I'm almost $200.
00:09:44The cable, the internet, all that.
00:09:46We don't have the money to pay it.
00:09:48What are you doing?
00:09:51Applying for a job.
00:09:53Have you applied to many places?
00:09:56This will be the third Menards store I've applied at.
00:10:00Walmart, the Anchor Place, quite a few.
00:10:04I hope that my dad will somehow miraculously get his truck working and get a good job so we'll be able to get money to keep this house hopefully and not get kicked out.
00:10:17My name is Kaylee Hagrid and I live in Stockton, Iowa.
00:10:34Now I'm 10 years old.
00:10:35Oh, yay!
00:10:36That one was good!
00:10:37That one was good!
00:10:38I don't think we're a rich family, but I think we're kind of a poor family.
00:10:51I'm hungry.
00:10:52I knew you were going to say that as soon as you, you're going to have to wait now, sis.
00:10:58I'm just starving.
00:11:00We don't get the three meals a day, like breakfast, lunch, and then dinner.
00:11:09When I feel just like hungry, I'll just like, I'll feel like I'm so like sad and all droopy and then I'll feel like weak.
00:11:18We can then, some in the mornings I'll be like so starving, but then I'll like be like, I need some food!
00:11:25But then like I'll get like, but then I don't think of food and then I'll just think of something else and then I'll not be hungry anymore.
00:11:36Ow!
00:11:37They asked if you were ready.
00:11:39Combs are hard.
00:11:40One more time.
00:11:42You can't pull it, Mom, when I'm doing this.
00:11:45Stop pulling!
00:11:46I'm sorry.
00:11:47How do you think you have customers?
00:11:49Customers.
00:11:51I don't want you to freaking cut me.
00:11:54I'm not going to cut you.
00:11:55You better not.
00:11:56I've been in school long enough, I won't cut you.
00:11:58Oh, you're dead.
00:11:59I mean it.
00:12:00My mom, she has very little in her bank.
00:12:05And like she can't pay all of her bills at the same time.
00:12:12My income is $14.80 and the total of my bills is $13.26 and that does not leave me money for food or gas.
00:12:23I've never seen it this bad.
00:12:26Dance!
00:12:32Okay, put them in here.
00:12:34Don't want beer.
00:12:37My best friend is Jordan and we grew up together.
00:12:40We like to go canning to make money.
00:12:43With canning, the non-squished ones are five cents.
00:12:48And the squished are two cents.
00:12:50Yeah.
00:12:51Some people come over here for gas and it's not here anymore.
00:13:00The dance hall, that's broken.
00:13:03Train station, it's all rotted.
00:13:06Oh.
00:13:07Didn't that used to be a movie theater?
00:13:09No.
00:13:10What did it used to be?
00:13:11It was the old bank.
00:13:12Oh.
00:13:13But I bet there's old money in there.
00:13:17I'm not going in there.
00:13:18The floor fell in.
00:13:20That would be awesome if there was like thousands and thousands of dollars.
00:13:26When we can't afford to pay our bills, like our house bills and stuff, I'm afraid like we'll
00:13:33get homeless.
00:13:34Me and my brother will starve.
00:13:37You never know what will happen in your life.
00:13:40So, yeah.
00:13:53Kaylee, what are you looking at?
00:13:58It's loud!
00:13:59I would just like to go explore the world, but I'm never going to be able to do this.
00:14:06Because these days everything is expensive.
00:14:09I watched one show where it said they're raising the gas prices and my mom can't even afford
00:14:16gas.
00:14:17We have to be careful how we use our gas, how we use everything.
00:14:21The bills here at the house is just too much for me to handle.
00:14:26Right now there doesn't seem to be a way out.
00:14:29So, my only options are to give up my house and move my stuff into storage and move into the
00:14:38motel room.
00:14:40We won't get to keep our dog, Nala.
00:14:41It's extra money and we're going to get rid of her.
00:14:50I don't want to move.
00:14:55Like, I want to stay put here.
00:14:58I think there's a lot of people in America that need help with food because they're poor
00:15:21or they're either homeless or they're both.
00:15:30We need food for our family.
00:15:32I'm hitting my growth spurt and I'm really hungry.
00:15:36My favorite food is Chinese food.
00:15:41I'm craving that right now.
00:15:46You know what makes me mad?
00:15:48We can't afford it.
00:15:51Huh.
00:16:01Yes, I've seen a lot of things in my life.
00:16:03Dr. Jay Clayton?
00:16:04Yes.
00:16:05If this is a good time for you, would you like to send your students down for the nutrition
00:16:07club?
00:16:08I'll have them down there shortly.
00:16:10Nutrition club is a bag of food that you get every Friday and you have to make last the
00:16:16whole weekend.
00:16:18They announced in class that you have to go down for a nutrition club if you're in it.
00:16:23You have to go to the office and you have to sign your name in for it.
00:16:27And then you go put it in your locker and then you go back to class.
00:16:33Hi.
00:16:34Good morning, Brittany.
00:16:35I'm surprised by how things can change so fast.
00:16:39You can go from doing okay, not having to go hungry, to this, going hungry and having
00:16:48to pay all your bills and not being able to, on the verge of being homeless again.
00:16:55We just found out my mom is pregnant.
00:17:03She's like a whale.
00:17:05My dad's been working.
00:17:10He's been working for a week and he has $64 total.
00:17:15Having a baby is probably not the best idea right now considering that we're going through
00:17:20money problems.
00:17:21Definitely not a good time to have a baby, but I don't believe in abortion and...
00:17:27Or adoption.
00:17:30Financially, we're going to be in a lot more trouble.
00:17:33Financially, we'll be strapped.
00:17:36Yeah, dogs.
00:17:38The thing I miss the most from having all this happen is the internet.
00:17:42I mean, people don't realize what they have until it's gone.
00:17:46And serious World of Warcraft withdrawals, man.
00:17:52Because, say, in World of Warcraft, I'm awesome.
00:17:56I'm a level 85 paladin.
00:17:59Ha.
00:18:00Tank and healer.
00:18:02And in real life, I'm a 14 year old boy with nothing going for him.
00:18:07Ha.
00:18:25The good news is, I have made it on the football team.
00:18:28I'm the starting quarterback of every game of the season.
00:18:31Coach left.
00:18:32Motion.
00:18:33Screen pass to Isaiah.
00:18:34Ready?
00:18:35Ready!
00:18:36Go!
00:18:37All I want is to play football.
00:18:39But football is expensive.
00:18:41Now I can name a few of these items I need and want for my sports.
00:18:46Go!
00:18:47Go!
00:18:48My glove's ripped.
00:18:49A football glove.
00:18:50Ask my mom and dad, can I get something?
00:18:51And my dad's like, well, how are you going to get it?
00:18:54I ain't got no money.
00:18:56Take times and plenty, child.
00:18:58Then the helmet costs.
00:18:59The cleats costs.
00:19:00The hats costs.
00:19:03I believe when there's a will, there's a way.
00:19:06If you want to do something, fight for it until you can get it.
00:19:12That's what I believe.
00:19:14You get too big.
00:19:16You always want something extra.
00:19:18I don't want nothing extra.
00:19:19Yes, you do.
00:19:20You want a phone.
00:19:21I got a phone.
00:19:22You want shoes.
00:19:23I'm not wearing no Earthwalkers outside.
00:19:25No, sir.
00:19:26Jordans and Nikes.
00:19:28Johnny, Nikes and Jordans are expensive.
00:19:31I know.
00:19:32Just for a name.
00:19:33That makes no sense.
00:19:34You need a job.
00:19:36Nike's not expensive.
00:19:38Look, I've been buying Josh shoes after shoes after shoes.
00:19:42I can't afford it.
00:19:43Now what?
00:19:44Walmart?
00:19:45He got to take Walmart.
00:19:48What else can I do?
00:19:49At least his feet not dragging the ground.
00:19:51There was some Jordan flip flops in there for 30 bucks.
00:19:54Now that's a great deal.
00:19:55You cannot find no Jordan flip flops, the brand new kind, but no 30 bucks.
00:20:00They probably not real.
00:20:01Is that a great deal?
00:20:02When I can go to Walmart and buy the shoes I'm wearing, I got from Walmart for $5.
00:20:09I'm to my name brand stuff.
00:20:11They...
00:20:12That's a good deal, mama.
00:20:13My sandals are nice, right?
00:20:14If you closely, if you listen to it, it's a good deal.
00:20:16You want some of those, right?
00:20:17Mom.
00:20:18See, that's why I like y'all when y'all small.
00:20:20They like, they accept stuff.
00:20:22You get too big.
00:20:24Your feet growing.
00:20:27You in grown people's shoes now.
00:20:30Ugh.
00:20:31Please stop growing.
00:20:33As a mother, you always got different thoughts going through your head and mine and wishing
00:20:39that you could change things and wishing things was different, but what are you to do?
00:20:44You can't keep beating yourself up about it, but at the same time, it's just hard.
00:20:53Having a family is hard.
00:20:56Maintaining a family is hard.
00:21:00Keeping us indoors is hard.
00:21:14I want to be an NFL player.
00:21:17My dad said it takes lots of artwork.
00:21:20Get one.
00:21:21Get one.
00:21:22What do I tell you to do every day?
00:21:24Push-ups and sit-ups.
00:21:25Push-ups and sit-ups.
00:21:27I'm 14.
00:21:29My life is almost over until I'm a grown man, and if I don't have the opportunity to show
00:21:35somebody to play football, football won't exist in four years from now.
00:21:40That dream is going to slowly start fading away.
00:21:43That's what happened to some of the dreams of kids.
00:21:46They pertain to something, and they can't afford it.
00:22:01It's a boy.
00:22:02Baby's a boy.
00:22:03I was really hoping for a little sister, but, you know, you get what you get.
00:22:09Went back to work for the company that I used to work for, and they're not doing the greatest
00:22:15either.
00:22:16Say I got maybe a week's worth of work, and then they're going to be closing up shop from
00:22:24this local office and only keeping one of the three branches open, you know.
00:22:30So that's just temporary.
00:22:31Temporary fix to a long-term problem.
00:22:36Yep.
00:22:37Battery on that one's dead.
00:22:39How much does a new battery for this thing cost?
00:22:41About 30 bucks.
00:22:43I think it pretty much sucks that we can't really fend for ourselves that well.
00:22:48We might lose this house, and if we can't, like, move in with somebody, we're going to be,
00:22:53like, literally living on the streets.
00:23:00I'm scared of me growing up, having kids, and kind of going through the same stuff,
00:23:05not being able to feed them, and not being able to clothe them or whatever.
00:23:09Oh, I ran over.
00:23:10Who?
00:23:11That sucks.
00:23:15Dad!
00:23:16I let it die.
00:23:18Oops.
00:23:19I let it die.
00:23:22Only I told him not to do.
00:23:23Don't let it die.
00:23:26I don't think my chances of getting a good job when I grow up are that good,
00:23:30because the economy's screwed up.
00:23:32Oh, this thing's heavy.
00:23:37Sucks.
00:23:39I'm trying in school and stuff, but I'm not really doing that good.
00:23:44Maybe big, but I never said I was strong.
00:23:48Ow.
00:23:49It's in my face.
00:23:51If you don't get a good education, you're not going to be able to get a good job,
00:23:54and if you don't get a good job, you can end up like us.
00:23:59Oh, come here. Come here.
00:24:01Oh.
00:24:05No more babies.
00:24:06I got my tubes tied after I had him.
00:24:09I love them, and I wouldn't mind having more, but we can't afford it.
00:24:16The baby's futures are going to be weird and messed up.
00:24:20Life is going to be hard because there's hardly going to be any jobs left in the future,
00:24:26or any money.
00:24:28Even rich people will be poor like this.
00:24:30Like you.
00:24:33You might get poor in the last few months.
00:24:38You never know.
00:24:39You never know.
00:24:40You never know.
00:24:41But you're probably just being runinf emotions
00:24:43F sesp.
00:24:45when we're keeping Nala, she was like my mediologist.
00:24:47She's like my favorite dog.
00:24:48And now we have to go take her to the pound.
00:24:51While keeping Nala, she was like my dog, she was like my favorite dog, and now we have
00:25:07to go take her to the pound.
00:25:09We have to get rid of Nala but not taint her.
00:25:13Nala is so adorable, if you had her, she would sleep on your bed, and she would sleep on you.
00:25:24She's like your little guard dog.
00:25:26We're getting rid of my perfect little lovey dog.
00:25:31Yes Nala, I hear you're stressing out.
00:25:38I love you Nala.
00:25:47Does she have any favorite toys or games?
00:25:57She needs lots and lots of bones, she'll shoot one in like an hour or so, she hates badass.
00:26:07Oh yeah.
00:26:08Doesn't like badass?
00:26:09No.
00:26:10This is my animal lover.
00:26:11She'll have to go into our isolation room since she hasn't gotten any vaccinations yet.
00:26:16Yeah.
00:26:17So she'll be in an isolated area right now.
00:26:19Alright sweetie.
00:26:20Do you want the leash and collar back at all?
00:26:25Just the leash.
00:26:26Okay.
00:26:27And the collar!
00:26:28Why the collar?
00:26:29Collar!
00:26:30Mom!
00:26:31Mom!
00:26:32Mom!
00:26:33Me.
00:26:34Ma!
00:26:35Mini!
00:26:36STEM SCREAMS
00:26:38tortilla
00:26:39Teacher
00:27:03I got him!
00:27:25I thought we were getting a double bed.
00:27:34And there's no mini fridge.
00:27:36Dang it.
00:27:38And there's no microwave.
00:27:41Okay, we have to ask him about that.
00:27:45I thought we were getting a double bed.
00:27:50This is small.
00:27:51It's going to be small.
00:27:53It's all crunched up and there's not much space.
00:28:00See?
00:28:01See?
00:28:02He takes up the hallway to go to the bathroom.
00:28:08Be right back.
00:28:13All the cold stuff that needs to be freezed is in the sink.
00:28:18We don't have a fridge.
00:28:21Just the sink is our fridge.
00:28:28We have to get ice mostly every day because it melts during night.
00:28:36My mom can't sign us up for school.
00:28:41My mom says that we're going to get in school when we move into the trailer that we are getting.
00:28:51If I keep missing school, then I see my future poor on the streets, in a box, asking for money, stealing stuff from stores.
00:29:06I don't want to steal stuff.
00:29:09I don't want to do any of that stuff.
00:29:11I want to get an education.
00:29:13Good job.
00:29:15I believe that I'm going to get a perfect job that I like and that I want to do.
00:29:22People can't stop you from believing in your own dreams.
00:29:24People can't stop you from believing in your own dreams.
00:29:29I'm Kaylee...
00:29:31and I'm now at Eduardo.
00:29:32And I'm now atåº Foods.
00:29:34Jennifer, you can't take two care of your mind.
00:29:35Yeah, keep going back.
00:29:36I'm at the home.
00:29:37You're gonna just lay a side of your mind.
00:29:38No more than get threeлиber.
00:29:52You're gonna get only five days.
00:29:54You're going to be a guy that never makes this easy.
00:29:56I'm Kaylee, and I'm now 15.
00:30:00I moved to a trailer, then I moved to a duplex,
00:30:04and then I moved here.
00:30:06We've been here for almost a year and a half, two years.
00:30:15Bella, oh my God, I'm so happy I got her.
00:30:20She cuddles with me, actually cuddles.
00:30:22She'll sit there and lay on my chest all night.
00:30:25Bella, can I get it underneath your chin?
00:30:29Will you let me?
00:30:31It's important for me to have a dog because it's kind of like therapy.
00:30:35What's that?
00:30:36My grandma was diagnosed with mucosal melanoma cancer.
00:30:41So Grandma went for a PET scan today.
00:30:44Mm-hmm.
00:30:45And her thing's getting big again.
00:30:47It's getting bigger?
00:30:49No, well, you know it was small, and they got it all, like, contained.
00:30:53Okay, well, I think it's getting, like, the thing that's all, like, a deflated balloon.
00:30:58Yeah.
00:30:59Is now starting to inflate again.
00:31:01Again?
00:31:02Yeah.
00:31:03They're probably gonna have to do radiation again.
00:31:04Yeah.
00:31:05My grandma, she gives a lot.
00:31:12Without her, we wouldn't have this house.
00:31:14My mom wouldn't have her car.
00:31:16Like, I wouldn't have a phone.
00:31:18We wouldn't have anything without her.
00:31:20Our electric will probably be shut off by in the morning.
00:31:24Why?
00:31:25We owe them $179, and they won't wait.
00:31:28Being poor, it sucks.
00:31:30It affects, like, not being able to do stuff.
00:31:33If you want to go hang out with your friends, like, go to the movies.
00:31:36You can't do that all the time because you don't have the money for it.
00:31:39I don't want my phone to die.
00:31:40No.
00:31:41I don't even care about my phone.
00:31:42Like, how are we gonna eat?
00:31:44We can get things like lunch meat and bread and chips.
00:31:48I'm gonna go to energy assistance on Thursday, and they're gonna be able to help me.
00:31:52But I can't get there till Thursday, and the electric company will not wait.
00:31:55Our freakin' stove is electric.
00:31:58We're gonna be living with, like, a third world country again with no power.
00:32:01We won't have hot water.
00:32:03It's a little depressing.
00:32:06It's really hard.
00:32:07And I know people have it worse than me.
00:32:09And I wish no one had that.
00:32:18Transportation is hard because of my mom.
00:32:21Can't afford gas.
00:32:23Whenever I go to Taekwondo, the instructor, he takes me back and forth.
00:32:30Did it!
00:32:32I like doing Taekwondo because it gets a lot of anger out and stress and stuff.
00:32:38So it helps relieve some of that.
00:32:46There's probably been many children who've grown up in a poor household, became rich in the future.
00:32:53Which I believe I can.
00:32:55But it's a 50-50 chance.
00:32:57I wanted to get a nap in, but that's not happening.
00:33:03You can go do your homework.
00:33:05Good, because I'm buried in it.
00:33:07Good, because I'm buried in it.
00:33:09Well, you do it the first time.
00:33:12It's not from something I don't do.
00:33:14It's something from when I miss school.
00:33:16Okay.
00:33:17I know I'm not supposed to miss school, but I've missed about six days already.
00:33:23That's a lot.
00:33:24That's why I think my grades are kind of iffy.
00:33:27I can't rely on my mom.
00:33:30She can't even get herself up in the morning, you know?
00:33:33I have to.
00:33:34Your schooling is probably the most important thing ever.
00:33:38Like, your schooling is what gets you somewhere.
00:33:41It's what takes you places.
00:33:44Are you going to go to the bathroom?
00:33:47I cannot wait to get out of Iowa.
00:33:50I know many people say that, but I have a passion of getting out of Iowa.
00:33:57The most thing I'm afraid of is becoming like my mom.
00:34:02No offense, she's tried her best, but I'm scared to death of becoming like her.
00:34:10Her financial situation and things that's happened to her, that affects how she acts.
00:34:17If I become like her, I don't know.
00:34:20I'll cross that bridge when I get there.
00:34:25Yeah.
00:34:29Maybe someday in my future, I'll graduate from college and push through life.
00:34:40Good morning, Grandma.
00:34:45Good morning, Johnny.
00:34:46What's going on?
00:34:47Nothing much.
00:34:48How was work?
00:34:49A little tired, you know what I'm saying?
00:34:51They had me working real good last night.
00:34:54It wasn't that long for me to quit.
00:34:56I'm Johnny.
00:34:57I'm 19 now.
00:34:58So I moved my grandmother to Chicago, south side of Chicago.
00:35:02So that's where I'm located now, until I go venture off for college or whatever.
00:35:09My parents, they couldn't sit stable and moving around a lot of places.
00:35:16And I knew it was going to be a problem for me academically as far as my life situation.
00:35:21I guess I started hanging out with the wrong people.
00:35:23I ended up going to jail.
00:35:25We were all making stupid decisions on a consistent basis every single day.
00:35:29They decided that day that they wanted to shoplift.
00:35:32We ended up getting arrested for it.
00:35:34I didn't run because I didn't want to get shot.
00:35:37It was a minor misdemeanor.
00:35:39I got locked up for a day.
00:35:41When I went to jail that day, it was like, you really falling off.
00:35:46You let yourself fall off.
00:35:48From all this good stuff happening to you, you going to be, you know what I'm saying, a good football player.
00:35:54Scouts was coming to see me at practices and asking about me and wanting me to play on their team,
00:36:00to now you smoking weed and you got locked up and all that.
00:36:04It was just like a reality check to myself.
00:36:07Like, you really falling off.
00:36:08You need to get back on track.
00:36:10And this was my wake-up call, I guess.
00:36:13I came up here to start over.
00:36:15The route I was taking down south, it wasn't going good.
00:36:18I was going to be a dropout or something like that.
00:36:20And I had to do it.
00:36:21I had to graduate.
00:36:22Something my parents didn't do, I had to make that opportunity.
00:36:25And I graduated from college.
00:36:27How you make a move over?
00:36:29Me and my grandma got a real close-knit relationship.
00:36:32Oh wow, it's beautiful.
00:36:35All four of y'all together too.
00:36:37It's a blessing.
00:36:39Look at Josh.
00:36:42Wow.
00:36:43Y'all coming up so nicely.
00:36:46Growing up.
00:36:49No more babies.
00:36:51I worry about them.
00:36:53Them going place to place to place, different places and not being stable.
00:36:58That's what worries me.
00:37:00I just hope that they can be able to stay stable somewhere so they all can graduate out of school.
00:37:05Stability is everything.
00:37:07I don't worry about my brothers and sisters.
00:37:10Everybody doing good.
00:37:11Getting good grades, graduating, going to their next grade, doing something positive here.
00:37:15I think they're going to be fine.
00:37:17I work for HMR Designs.
00:37:22It's a party and wedding design company.
00:37:25I'm just working to this point until I enroll in school this spring.
00:37:29I just know that the money is needed, so I got to go get it.
00:37:34Work my job gradually and just to save my money until when spring come around, enroll in school and start playing.
00:37:42And that's all I'm worried about.
00:37:43But now I'm just going to work and I guess keep myself in some good shape and save my money.
00:37:48That's all I can do right now.
00:37:50If you fall, you got to get up, dust it off, and keep on going.
00:37:53That's the only thing you can do until you get to the top.
00:37:57There we go.
00:37:59Go on.
00:38:00Get off me.
00:38:01Oh, yeah.
00:38:02Oh, I got to go.
00:38:03If you come check on me five years from now, probably be somewhere playing for somebody's team.
00:38:08Everybody knows the American dream.
00:38:10Oh, go to college and go live your life.
00:38:12That's all I want to do.
00:38:14Living my dream and take care of my family.
00:38:16That's it.
00:38:23I'm Brittany and I'm now 15 years old.
00:38:36My hair isn't blonde anymore because I dye it, which is one of my hobbies, I guess.
00:38:42I like to do different stuff with my hair.
00:38:45I like it.
00:38:47And I'm probably not going to stop until all of my hair is gone.
00:38:51Here, give me more of these ones.
00:38:54I'm Roger and I'm now 19.
00:38:56Graduated a high school year and a half early.
00:38:59I got a job.
00:39:01Gotten a few different jobs.
00:39:04I've just been working.
00:39:06Working and sleeping.
00:39:08Zachary, one.
00:39:11No, Mommy.
00:39:13I'm not playing.
00:39:14It's not a toy.
00:39:15You see that?
00:39:16That's germs.
00:39:17That's gross.
00:39:18Put your chair back.
00:39:19My little brother, Zach, turned five.
00:39:22Zach is autistic.
00:39:24To help him, we'll help count with him and we'll help him try to read and stuff like that.
00:39:29B is for...
00:39:30B.
00:39:31Yeah.
00:39:32I love that little guy.
00:39:37He's so awesome.
00:39:38He's helped pull the family together and definitely takes a lot of stress out of the day.
00:39:44There's your dragon.
00:39:47I think my monster could kick your monster's butt, dude.
00:39:53Well, dang.
00:39:57Middle school was filled with drama and I hated it so much.
00:40:02People would bully me because I was poor.
00:40:04It distracted me focusing on my grades because they were like past notes and everything saying
00:40:10that I was ugly.
00:40:12My lowest point was getting expelled and getting held back.
00:40:15My highest point was, you know, finally like graduating middle school.
00:40:20And I felt like super proud of myself.
00:40:24I like art and creativity because you get away from the real world, it just helps me a lot.
00:40:34It's definitely gone up and down over the past five years.
00:40:39It'll be going good for, you know, a week or two, a month.
00:40:43And then out of nowhere, all the bills pile up and just can't seem to find any money anywhere.
00:40:51I know that my parents try to make it less stressful for us, but that'll come home with a really bad paycheck.
00:40:57And then I'll just like start doubting everything.
00:41:00We won't be able to pay bills is what I keep thinking.
00:41:03And I'm thinking like, we're not going to be able to pay rent.
00:41:05We're going to be sitting on the streets or something like that.
00:41:08And just every time that happens, it pops up in my head, being stressed out and everything is part of life.
00:41:15I just need to pick up these two shower doors and a storm door.
00:41:21My dad, he just recently got his job back at Lowe's and that's when I started with him too.
00:41:27I think I've gotten myself into the business to where it's always going to be there.
00:41:31You know, people are always going to need sightings.
00:41:33And I always figured if this didn't work out, build toilets.
00:41:38Everybody's always going to need to take a crap.
00:41:42I never really thought that I'd still be at home, but I don't make enough money to make it on my own.
00:41:50I just think at this point in my life, I don't need to be happy right now.
00:41:54When I grow up, if I have kids, I would not want them to be growing up like this.
00:41:59No matter what I go through, I'll still like, you know, want to try and try and try to be better.
00:42:06I don't want them to be better.
00:42:12I am in Bettendorf now.
00:42:42And I am 22, almost 23 years old.
00:42:46I got my own house.
00:42:50I put $1,000 from working at a retail store in the mall into marijuana stock.
00:42:57I made around $60,000.
00:43:00I moved out of my mom's.
00:43:02And then a week later I found my first house.
00:43:06Bought that one for around $20,000.
00:43:09A very close friend of the family gave me a little bit of a loan along with the money I had.
00:43:15So fixed it up a bit.
00:43:17And then resold that one.
00:43:19And then did that another time.
00:43:22Now I'm here.
00:43:24I got my GED and then automatically enrolled in college.
00:43:29I'll have my criminal justice associates.
00:43:32And then I plan on going for my bachelor's, majoring in psychology and minoring in criminal justice.
00:43:39And I got a job as a 9-1-1 dispatcher.
00:43:43A straight month we were doing classroom work.
00:43:45And then past three weeks call taking actually on the floor live.
00:43:49Dispatch at a 5, copy and route, Jackson Ave, medical alarm for a fall, hot response.
00:43:55I am nervous about messing up.
00:44:00Especially when I'm live call taking because these are real people and real life emergencies they're going through.
00:44:12Overall he looks great.
00:44:13Looks to be a happy, healthy puppy.
00:44:15He is a very, he's a scaredy cat for sure.
00:44:18Yeah.
00:44:19Yeah.
00:44:20Just a little nervous.
00:44:21Play.
00:44:22Go.
00:44:23See.
00:44:24Oh.
00:44:25I know.
00:44:26I'm here.
00:44:27You forgot.
00:44:28Yes.
00:44:29I'm still a dog lover.
00:44:31Bella was put down two and a half years ago.
00:44:34I miss her every day.
00:44:35I have her ashes.
00:44:36I got her cremated.
00:44:37Come on.
00:44:38Go play.
00:44:39Go play.
00:44:40Go play.
00:44:41Go play.
00:44:44Now I have Sadie and Blue.
00:44:47I like to stay in my house, hang with my dogs.
00:44:50I'm a pretty boring 23 year old.
00:44:53I really just sit at home, breed.
00:44:56Every now and then I'll pull up a TV show, play with my dogs.
00:45:00I'm very much a homebody here in Iowa.
00:45:06I do on free time love to bake.
00:45:08I've been trying to make the animals food because they're amazing taste testers.
00:45:13I try making them sweet potato chicken nuggets.
00:45:15Not exactly the prettiest, but they taste good because they love them.
00:45:19Sit.
00:45:24Blue.
00:45:31Well, I think they like it.
00:45:32When you're growing up poor, like that's your norm.
00:45:41You don't have the best situation, but like that's just what you're used to.
00:45:49Me and my mom, we don't really talk as often.
00:45:53We have two separate paths in life.
00:45:56We don't really get along the best.
00:45:58You know, holidays are enough time.
00:46:03Sadie, sit.
00:46:04Sit.
00:46:06I've been working really hard to get my life together and it's starting to point in a direction.
00:46:10But believe me, there's days like where it just feels like there is no direction.
00:46:14There was a time when I thought I didn't even want to be alive.
00:46:21Trying to build success is a very lonely life.
00:46:25I've been seeing a therapist for two and a half, three years.
00:46:34With my appointments with my therapist, I've learned as a defense mechanism for your brain,
00:46:39PTSD can kind of block out memories.
00:46:42And unfortunately, most of my childhood is kind of blocked out.
00:46:46Like when I took Nala to the pound, I don't remember anything that had entailed that day.
00:46:52It is very sad to have the gaps and not being able to remember,
00:46:56because unfortunately you know it's because you didn't grow up in the best situation
00:47:01and your brain has to protect you.
00:47:04It's a fight every day and I'm sure those with mental health struggles, they know.
00:47:09Like it's a fight every day.
00:47:16I'm Johnny. I'm a college football player that plays at the University of Shorter.
00:47:33Right now we located in Rome, Georgia. It's north of Atlanta.
00:47:39Shorter University. It's a D2 in North Georgia.
00:47:44Coach Morrison was a blessing in disguise. Gave me an opportunity out of nowhere.
00:47:48He just told me I like what I see and we can use you over here.
00:47:59I am a father of three. A husband to Leah Davis.
00:48:04Okay, here. We actually met at the college that I attended in Chicago.
00:48:10I went to National Louis University there.
00:48:12We were very young, so I'd say attraction at first sight.
00:48:17I'm so glad I took pictures of these plays,
00:48:19because they took this book from us and we had the right notes.
00:48:22When we first met, he wasn't playing.
00:48:24And I remember pushing him to get back into school and try to figure it out.
00:48:28Every day. Go chase your dream.
00:48:30Let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go.
00:48:32We're taking it, we're taking it. It's my time.
00:48:34I'm not in the starting lineup because I took a devastating hit to my ankle during camp.
00:48:39Defend! Defend! Defend! Defend! Let's go!
00:48:43I wasn't happy. It was irritating. I hate being hurt.
00:48:47It don't let me be that little kid having fun playing this game.
00:48:50Watch the run! Watch the run!
00:48:52When I'm there on the game day, it is tough to be on the sideline and watch.
00:48:56But I worked my way back up the depth chart so I could play again.
00:49:01Come on! Come on!
00:49:05I'm on special teams.
00:49:06You wait on the sideline patiently.
00:49:08You get your name called and you go out there and it's like,
00:49:10OK, all right, it's time to make a play.
00:49:12Get down there! Get down there!
00:49:14Let me go make this happen.
00:49:16Get down there! Get down there!
00:49:18The job on kickoff is run your lane and make a play.
00:49:21Whether that's a tackle or whether that's a strip fumble or whatever it might be.
00:49:26You focus on your assignment at hand and you go get it done.
00:49:28Finally! Yeah, yeah.
00:49:30Finally, boy.
00:49:31Now, that ain't my first one, though.
00:49:33It's just been a minute.
00:49:34I got that, though. Let's keep going.
00:49:36I feel good. Let's keep doing it, though.
00:49:38I don't need one. I need more. Let's keep doing it, though.
00:49:41We'll start in Proverbs and we're going to read to the end of this chapter.
00:49:56We're going to stop each verse to get an understanding
00:49:59and make sure that we know exactly what's going on.
00:50:02In order for you to gain understanding and knowledge,
00:50:05you have to be willing to find people that are going to help
00:50:10give you advice to lead you in the right direction
00:50:13and not those that are going to lead you astray.
00:50:17We tend to lean on each other when things get really difficult.
00:50:21We've been through quite a bit of things,
00:50:23especially with one of our sons passing.
00:50:27Our second son, he was a twin.
00:50:29It was a mono-mono pregnancy and they were in the same sack together.
00:50:32They both were fighting for their life because they both were strangled by the building corps.
00:50:36They both had it around their neck, apparently.
00:50:39But one had more of a heartbeat than the other, which is the one that's living.
00:50:44The oldest one realized that he was kind of passing, so they kept swapping blood.
00:50:51Trying to save each other.
00:50:52Trying to save each other's lives, yes.
00:50:54And finally, I guess the oldest one gave off more of the blood to my son that's alive now.
00:51:01And he was trying to do the same, but they got him out before he could give off any more.
00:51:06So it put him in a bad situation when he came out because he was, like, drained of blood.
00:51:12He had to have a lot of blood.
00:51:13Transfusions.
00:51:14Yeah, blood transfusions because he didn't really have much in his body because they were trying to save each other.
00:51:20I didn't even know children can do stuff like that.
00:51:23Like...
00:51:24Yeah, I don't want to do the waterworks.
00:51:25I'm sorry.
00:51:26No, you're fine.
00:51:27I'm sorry.
00:51:28It's okay.
00:51:29Yeah, I know.
00:51:34It is crazy, but...
00:51:41This is our son, JC.
00:51:42This is the one that passed.
00:51:43This is the second twin.
00:51:45These are just some little keepsakes that we got.
00:51:48That's my baby boy.
00:51:50This is one of the hats that he wore in the photos.
00:51:55It was really difficult.
00:51:57Just wondering what could I have done to prevent this.
00:52:02I couldn't help but think, what if I would have pressed the doctor a little bit more about letting him be more early?
00:52:10They both could have been in the NICU.
00:52:12And Jair's fine.
00:52:14He's three.
00:52:16So, he's doing great.
00:52:19It just makes me wonder, like, we could have had both here doing great.
00:52:32Life is going to come with trials, and life is going to come with tragedy.
00:52:38But even through all of those things, you can still have joy.
00:52:48Go real like this.
00:52:49Don't fall.
00:52:50Don't fall.
00:52:51Be careful, Elena.
00:52:52Don't fall again.
00:52:53My name is Brittany Smith.
00:52:55A lot of stuff has happened.
00:52:57A lot.
00:52:58I have two kids now.
00:53:02I have a son and a daughter.
00:53:04My daughter is three, about to turn four, and then my son is five, about to be six.
00:53:09I've changed a lot since becoming a mother.
00:53:12Teaching two humans how to live, you definitely learn how to be patient.
00:53:18They're very good kids.
00:53:19Very sweet.
00:53:20They're smart.
00:53:21Oh, you want one now?
00:53:23Oh, you want that one?
00:53:25Oh!
00:53:26Just to put it in the water.
00:53:27I love being a mom.
00:53:29They both have brought so much light and happiness into my life.
00:53:33I didn't think that anybody could love me that much.
00:53:36I'm really glad that I have those two in my life.
00:53:39I don't know what I would do without them.
00:53:41They're both my rocks.
00:53:42They're my everything.
00:53:43Isn't that pretty?
00:53:45That is so pretty.
00:53:46Don't put it in the water.
00:53:47It's not going to be fuzzy no more.
00:53:49I just want her to have somebody else who understands the things that she dealt with
00:53:56when she was growing up.
00:53:57Because that's how I felt when I had Roger with me.
00:54:00I felt protected.
00:54:01I felt like I could go to him with anything, you know.
00:54:05He's very missed.
00:54:06I wish my kids would have gotten a chance to meet him.
00:54:13Roger was working with Josh.
00:54:15He was saving up money.
00:54:16He had a girlfriend.
00:54:18They were talking about starting a life together.
00:54:21It was April 15th, 2018.
00:54:25And Roger got in a severe car accident.
00:54:30And he passed away.
00:54:32The wreck was so bad that it crushed more or less every bone in his body.
00:54:41He was a donor, but they couldn't use anything.
00:54:47He's missed tremendously every day, all day.
00:54:51He's missing.
00:54:52A big part of our lives is gone.
00:54:58A lot of people came to his funeral.
00:55:01The very first person that showed up was the lunch lady at his high school.
00:55:06Forever in our hearts.
00:55:08That's Roger's urn.
00:55:10That's where he's at.
00:55:15I almost gave up.
00:55:20I starved myself.
00:55:22I ended up in the hospital.
00:55:24That's when I guess I hit rock bottom.
00:55:27And I had to pull myself out of it because I still had children that needed me.
00:55:37And we all grieve differently.
00:55:40It's still too painful for Josh.
00:55:45Brittany went through a severe depression.
00:55:48She lost her best friend and her brother.
00:55:51Yeah!
00:55:54Oh, crap.
00:55:57Roger, that's ice!
00:55:59He died at 19, and I went down a really bad path.
00:56:02I was addicted to Adderall for a while.
00:56:05That was the darkest point I've ever had in my life.
00:56:08I didn't expect to live to 18.
00:56:12I was just going to do Adderall and drink until I died.
00:56:15That was my plan.
00:56:18I'm sorry.
00:56:21Are you okay?
00:56:23You almost got me.
00:56:28It's not cool.
00:56:31I definitely lost a lot of myself when he left.
00:56:34Way too much that I want to admit.
00:56:39I promised myself I wasn't going to cry.
00:56:43I lost pretty much all that I knew of myself when he left.
00:56:50Sitting on the arm of the couch, my legs are on your leg.
00:56:54When he was four, he was too big to sit on me.
00:56:57This definitely feels very empty without him here.
00:57:01You better not fart.
00:57:02Ow!
00:57:03Ow!
00:57:04Life just doesn't feel real anymore.
00:57:06I miss having my best friend around all the time.
00:57:12When I was at the point where I was at my lowest, that's when I found out that I was pregnant with Odin.
00:57:19All right, let's draw.
00:57:24Let's draw a mushroom.
00:57:25Mushroom?
00:57:26Mushroom?
00:57:27Easy!
00:57:28I was ready for it to just be over.
00:57:30I didn't want to be here anymore.
00:57:32And then feeling that heartbeat and him kicking and moving inside me just made me feel I had a purpose.
00:57:38And then I finally had him and looking at him for the first time, you just feel all that love just melt into that baby.
00:57:46That was the second I knew, like, I was meant to be his mom.
00:57:50Like, I wasn't supposed to do the things that I was doing.
00:57:53Like, I was not supposed to die.
00:57:55I was supposed to stay here.
00:57:57Then when I had Elena, it was the same feeling all over again, except she pooped all over me when I held her for the first time.
00:58:06Since Roger passed, the only real mental health support that I got was a grieving journal.
00:58:16Looking at it was just a painful reminder, and I didn't like it, so I ended up throwing it away.
00:58:23Ooh, pick the prettiest one.
00:58:25The prettiest one?
00:58:26The prettiest one.
00:58:27Look at this chunky guy.
00:58:29Oh.
00:58:30I haven't really dealt with that fully yet, but I'm getting to the point where I realize I really need to talk about it,
00:58:35because it's getting to me, like, psychologically, mentally.
00:58:40And I don't, I want to be healthier mentally for my kids.
00:58:45Roger's death made me realize that life is very short.
00:59:00We were expecting.
00:59:02We got a little munchkin on the way.
00:59:06I'm excited because we're getting our girl a little nervous, too.
00:59:11I'm just glad that she's healthy.
00:59:13I'm excited to meet her when she finally gets here.
00:59:16Even if we have to really buckle down and budget, we're still able to do that.
00:59:21We find different ways to make ends meet.
00:59:24Johnny does different things.
00:59:25He used to work with his dad, contracting.
00:59:27He's done day labor services.
00:59:29He's had other jobs that I do here, babysit, things of that sort.
00:59:34We make it work.
00:59:35We definitely make it work.
00:59:37Right now, times are hard.
00:59:39I'm still in school.
00:59:40I'm in the tech field.
00:59:42I'm going to be studying cloud design.
00:59:44We live off the Social Security benefits that we have.
00:59:48And I have WIC right now.
00:59:50And those are the only things that we have currently.
00:59:55The benefits that people receive, their taxpayers' dollars,
00:59:59it's not like we haven't worked ever.
01:00:01I've been working since I was in high school.
01:00:03I was in banking.
01:00:05Needless to say, I was paying taxes.
01:00:09That's what this is for.
01:00:11Everybody has a moment where they have to lean on someone,
01:00:14whether that's the government or their family.
01:00:17You never know when that could be you.
01:00:19We're going to have nachos tonight, okay?
01:00:21And movie night before daddy leave.
01:00:25Yeah, I know.
01:00:26I don't want daddy to leave either.
01:00:28So, don't be sad.
01:00:31I'm duty sad.
01:00:33I know duty sad. Mommy's sad too.
01:00:35Mommy, because either my daddy go bye-bye.
01:00:38Yeah, your daddy's going to go bye-bye.
01:00:40Just for a little bit, okay?
01:00:41Okay.
01:00:43I just got an invite to go play at an all-star bowl game.
01:00:49It's for collegiate guys that are trying to make that next jump
01:00:52to the next level.
01:01:03Just another way to, you know, put guys on the map
01:01:05and let guys, let coaches and organizations see that
01:01:08even though we come from smaller programs
01:01:10or whatever the case might be,
01:01:11we still have the ability to play at the next level.
01:01:17Men's life is about living.
01:01:18You only get one of them.
01:01:19What I want to gain out of this, for one, I came to have fun.
01:01:34Definitely gain some quality film that I could put on a highlight tape
01:01:47and somebody could be like, wow, this big guy can run, move.
01:01:50He plays the ball well and all those things.
01:01:53Get hands on him right away.
01:01:57Oh, good punch, good punch.
01:01:59Oh, you're good, you're good.
01:02:00Oh, stay right, oh, there you go.
01:02:02Oh, nice job, man.
01:02:03Oh, my God.
01:02:05Oh, my God.
01:02:06I couldn't even see the ball, brother.
01:02:20Jair.
01:02:21Jair.
01:02:22Right here.
01:02:23Where's your baby sister?
01:02:25That's right here.
01:02:27It's my baby sister.
01:02:29Oh, okay.
01:02:32Right there.
01:02:33It says right there, it's a girl.
01:02:52Oh, blue.
01:02:53Blue.
01:02:54Blue.
01:02:55Down.
01:02:56Unfortunately, I was fired due to an incident of a 911 call I took for an abandoned dog.
01:03:02It was around 30 degrees with wind chill, so it was pretty cold.
01:03:09Nothing, I could see that nothing was being done about it.
01:03:12So then after work, I went to check on the dog because, I mean, it was 33 degrees outside with wind chill.
01:03:19I mean, it was cold outside.
01:03:20They said, like, you're not allowed to respond to calls, but that dog was abandoned.
01:03:24It was cold outside.
01:03:25No one would leave a baby outside in the cold.
01:03:28Why did someone leave a dog?
01:03:30They fired me because I broke protocol for going to help the dog.
01:03:35I'm making it now, but job stability, losing that is scary.
01:03:41I have a savings.
01:03:43I'm not going to let my account get too low.
01:03:46I have a certain number, and if it gets to that number, then I'll just get a dead-end job.
01:03:52I want to move out of Iowa.
01:04:02I'm applying at jobs kind of around the Dallas area in Texas.
01:04:07It's a little bit more affordable there.
01:04:09Housing is affordable.
01:04:11There's no state tax there.
01:04:13I've applied to 14 different places, and I believe three or four of them said no already.
01:04:25I wanted to get away from Iowa because it just feels like a dead-end road for me here.
01:04:30Like, there's nothing left.
01:04:32I plan on selling this house and then buying a house there.
01:04:37I can't really rent because I have two dogs and two cats, so it's pretty hard to find.
01:04:44I tried to build a life here, and I just can't.
01:04:48I'm very scared.
01:04:52So much can go wrong.
01:04:55I'm not going to expect me moving to a different state be a cure for everything I'm suffering here.
01:05:02Changing the cycle that you were born into is very hard because it's like your brain is trained that way.
01:05:12I mean, a lot of toxic behaviors I had to unlearn.
01:05:17It's a hard process.
01:05:21I'm still learning to this day, so it's, you know, it's a long, lengthy process.
01:05:28Right now we are located in Jacksonville, Florida.
01:05:42I'm here visiting my parents.
01:05:44My father's a contractor.
01:05:46He got it back up and going over the last couple years, and it's been extremely successful.
01:05:51It's raining, so you got some work to do, Johnny.
01:05:58My favorite co-workers.
01:06:02I would rather work for my parents than a random person.
01:06:05He's ten times harder than a normal boss would be, but I'm cool with that.
01:06:09You know, that's your father.
01:06:12I will stay with my parents during the draft training process to get ready for my pro day
01:06:16when my skills are officially tested.
01:06:21I have a good friend that is letting me borrow his car that is not in town.
01:06:28I wake up at 4.50, drive 30 minutes over to Jim Jacks.
01:06:39Drive, drive, drive, drive.
01:06:42So far I haven't made any money off of football, but I hope that in the future I will.
01:06:46It's the recruiting game all over again, but now it's just at the professional level.
01:06:52Somebody got to like what they see for them to give you a chance.
01:06:55Good, so.
01:06:57Drop.
01:06:58Yeah, boom, good.
01:06:59Butt.
01:07:00You feel how you came up?
01:07:01Yeah.
01:07:02Straight, straight out.
01:07:03There's no need to go up.
01:07:05Eventually this will turn over.
01:07:07You know, this will become a point in my life to where all this hard work that I'm putting in,
01:07:13it won't go in vain because, you know, that's just how this process go.
01:07:17The more hard work is, the more consistent you stay, you will see the results that you're looking for.
01:07:22Jacksonville, Florida is going to forever be like a spot.
01:07:32My other son, his burial plaque is there.
01:07:35I go see it on my own.
01:07:37In a sense, a part of my life, a part of me is in Jacksonville.
01:07:43Do I ever get tired of the struggle? Absolutely.
01:07:50And I feel like if you get another day to breathe and wake up and make something happen,
01:07:54you got to get off your butt and make it happen.
01:07:57My son didn't get a chance. I'd like to really see what was going on,
01:07:59but if he would have lived, he would have had this.
01:08:02He would have had a chance to be able to get up every day and fight for life.
01:08:06When I look at his brother, I just see how he would have been, you know?
01:08:10I feel like they would have just been two firecrackers, full of knowledge, learning.
01:08:17You know what I'm saying?
01:08:19We all must return back to the ground, right?
01:08:22One day.
01:08:24Yeah, we all got to return to the dirt.
01:08:29Because I still have days where I feel like crying.
01:08:31If I don't, probably shed a tear on my own.
01:08:33A tear dropping, I remind myself, be tough.
01:08:40Today is the last thing in my control.
01:08:48The Podium Bowl Pro Day event that's being hosted today.
01:08:56Yes sir, nice day!
01:08:58Teams look at the Pro Day results to see if they're going to give you a chance.
01:09:01I feel like 13-year-old self would be like, okay, this is what you've been, this is where everything came, come down to you, you know what I'm saying?
01:09:09I need good results on the 40 today.
01:09:11It's the benchmark for, you know, all the scouts and the teams.
01:09:16I done ran 40s over the last two months, maybe over 200 times.
01:09:20Four, nine, six, four, eight, one.
01:09:21I'm looking real bad.
01:09:26Four, nine, six, four, eight, one.
01:09:29I'm looking real bad.
01:09:39Four, eight, one is not a good time.
01:09:41So that wasn't good enough.
01:09:42I needed under a four, six, at least for a team to be able to pay attention to me.
01:09:47That's crazy.
01:09:49That's crazy.
01:09:51That's too, too bad.
01:09:57Four, nine, that's offense alignment movements.
01:10:01And it's crazy, because in training, I never ran, like, the slowest I ever ran, four, five.
01:10:06Man, that's major.
01:10:08I don't know what the hell's going to happen now.
01:10:09We're going to run.
01:10:17We're going to stop.
01:10:18We're going to catch the ball.
01:10:19Let's go.
01:10:20You ready?
01:10:21Don't mess this up.
01:10:23All right?
01:10:24All right.
01:10:25Let's go.
01:10:26Set.
01:10:27Stop.
01:10:28Catch the ball.
01:10:29There you go.
01:10:30There you go.
01:10:31Good job.
01:10:33All right, come on.
01:10:34That's all.
01:10:35It's been especially difficult for Johnny because of his upbringing.
01:10:38with how he had to move around so much.
01:10:41So the fact that he still has that childlike passion is amazing.
01:10:45You got to keep going until I say stop.
01:10:47Come back.
01:10:48Come back.
01:10:49Set.
01:10:50Go.
01:10:51Stop.
01:10:52Stop.
01:10:53Yes, sir.
01:10:55Chasing my dream is not easy.
01:10:57Because I kind of had that feeling like, damn, is this over?
01:11:00Is this...
01:11:01Did I...
01:11:02Is this how it ends?
01:11:04All this time and work, just to run a time that I know I'm not even close to running,
01:11:11and it ends like this?
01:11:13I felt like that.
01:11:14I did.
01:11:15But at the same time, I was like, no, you...
01:11:17That don't even make logical sense.
01:11:19Right?
01:11:20That's not how life works.
01:11:21Life keeps going.
01:11:22Right now, I'm surviving on my paycheck from McDonald's, the food pantry, and food stamps.
01:11:41It's hard to money manage when you're struggling.
01:11:45Thankfully, I got the food bank to help with that.
01:11:48Tilapia.
01:11:49Ooh, salmon.
01:11:50Yes.
01:11:51And we have ground beef.
01:11:53They definitely have very healthy things, and those are super expensive at supermarkets
01:11:59and stuff like that, like insanely expensive.
01:12:02Like a thing of raspberries is $5.
01:12:04That's a lot to me, because it adds up, you know?
01:12:07If I want to buy a bunch of stuff to make a fruit salad, it's going to cost me over $30.
01:12:12It's unlimited.
01:12:13Ooh, look it.
01:12:14They got fruit and stuff in here.
01:12:18Yeah, that just arrived today, so it's pretty fresh.
01:12:22Nice.
01:12:23They had, like, fruit salad bowls ready, and they had kiwis, strawberries, raspberries,
01:12:28blueberries, orange slices.
01:12:30Like, they had all that stuff just jam-packed in a giant bowl, and we got it for free.
01:12:34You can pick one toy.
01:12:36Okay?
01:12:37Right now, it is pretty important that we get food from here, because I live at my cousin's
01:12:46house, and I only make $300 each paycheck, and I have to give my cousin basically my entire
01:12:55paycheck to make sure that we can pay for everything.
01:12:58I want to grab you some socks, too, because you run through socks like it's nobody's business.
01:13:03It just feels like I always end up in the same boat all the time, and it's sinking.
01:13:10I did it to myself.
01:13:11I dropped out of school.
01:13:12I went down a really bad path.
01:13:14I got pregnant.
01:13:16And then I just wasn't able to really do anything further with my life other than work and raise
01:13:24my children.
01:13:25My pajamas.
01:13:26Look at this.
01:13:27That's too small, baby.
01:13:31You were a six.
01:13:32This is a three.
01:13:33Look at this.
01:13:34Losing my brother definitely knocked some stuff out of whack in my brain.
01:13:43I feel like I have a lot of anger held in towards that, and it definitely clouds my better judgment
01:13:50on the decisions that I make.
01:13:53So it is my fault that I'm in this situation, but it's also not from lack of trying.
01:14:02It's lack of ability, if that makes sense.
01:14:09It's just difficult.
01:14:13I'm just tired of the struggle.
01:14:20It's exhausting.
01:14:23It is really nice to be able to have salmon.
01:14:35I like it, but I don't really know how to prepare it.
01:14:38I just wish I would have made better choices in my life, and I wouldn't have fallen in my
01:14:42parents' footsteps, because now my kids are going through the same stuff that I went through
01:14:47when I was little, and that tears me apart.
01:14:52Let me see.
01:14:53All right, it's hot.
01:14:54I don't know who tricks to do.
01:14:56Smells good.
01:14:59If you don't like it, it's fine.
01:15:01I mean, it's not for everybody.
01:15:17Mom's never really made salmon.
01:15:20Mom's never really made salmon before.
01:15:25What is this sauce?
01:15:26It's tartar sauce. It's for fish.
01:15:30I kind of like it.
01:15:33It grows on you.
01:15:35Once you get in the hole, it's extremely hard to find your way out.
01:15:41And I got myself deep in that hole.
01:15:44And I feel like I'm just clawing, trying my hardest, grabbing sticks,
01:15:49grabbing tree roots and stuff, trying to find my way out,
01:15:51and everything's just slipping and breaking,
01:15:53and I just keep falling back in the pit.
01:15:56It's extremely hard to get out once you're in.
01:16:19I'm currently in Gainesville, Texas now.
01:16:22I am pregnant.
01:16:24It was a bit of a surprise.
01:16:28That is for sure.
01:16:29It was not the plan.
01:16:31But, you know, there's never a full plan in life.
01:16:35You just kind of got to roll with it.
01:16:37I am five months.
01:16:40I'm having a girl.
01:16:41And then right there is her leg, her thigh, her knee.
01:16:46The baby's father, who I'm with, his family is amazing.
01:16:49Anytime I need help, you know, I just give him a call and they're there.
01:16:52Of course I worry about being a mom, because it's scary.
01:16:58Everything you do, you might repeat the cycle.
01:17:01Every hard decision affects the little life you created.
01:17:06Ma'am.
01:17:08It's like a mix of emotions.
01:17:10Like, of course I'm happy, I'm excited, you know,
01:17:12but also it's like, oh, wow, I'm going to be a mom.
01:17:15I'm just glad that Kidme had dreams and I wanted to overachieve.
01:17:30No matter what situation I was put in, I still had those dreams
01:17:33because at the end of the day, it's easier to imagine a life
01:17:37out of your current situation than what you're really living in.
01:17:45Happy birthday to you.
01:18:00Happy birthday to you.
01:18:05Happy birthday dear Odin.
01:18:10Happy birthday to you.
01:18:14Happy birthday to you.
01:18:15Happy birthday to you.
01:18:17Go, go, go.
01:18:18Go, go, go, go, go.
01:18:19Go, go, go, go.
01:18:21Good.
01:18:22Good.
01:18:23Yay.
01:18:25Odin is just turned six.
01:18:26He started kindergarten so he was very excited about that.
01:18:29Elena, she starts preschool.
01:18:31They're just super excited to go to school to learn,
01:18:34to play with all the other kids.
01:18:35This way, baby.
01:18:36I'm trying to.
01:18:37The ground is too hot.
01:18:39That's why I told you to bring your Crocs, dude.
01:18:42Yeah, I feel like if I tried a lot harder in school, I would have my high school diploma.
01:18:48I would have a better shot at getting a good job.
01:18:50The last thing that I want is for my kids to worry about what we're going to have for
01:18:53dinner or worry about where we're going to stay.
01:18:56Yummy, yummy.
01:18:59Mom, little John.
01:19:03My dream came true.
01:19:05I would have my little pastry shop, little puff pastries.
01:19:08That's what it would be called, puffs pastries.
01:19:13It's my thing.
01:19:14I really like to make things look pretty.
01:19:15It's relaxing.
01:19:16It makes me feel good about myself because other people like what I've done for them.
01:19:20You know, it gives me the validation affirmation that I want, so.
01:19:30The chances of that happening probably aren't very high, but I'm going to stay positive about
01:19:35it and try my hardest.
01:19:38The newest added member to the family is my daughter, JL Jokola Davis.
01:19:57She came here May 30th.
01:19:59Crazy.
01:20:00I got another one right around my birthday.
01:20:01I'm just blessed to have another healthy child, that's what I'm happy for.
01:20:05Yeah.
01:20:06I got a family.
01:20:07That's the only thing that's been, though.
01:20:09Yeah.
01:20:10True be told, the only thing keeping me afloat for real, for real.
01:20:13Yeah.
01:20:14Which one do you like, Doody?
01:20:15Um...
01:20:16Hmm.
01:20:17How about that blue one?
01:20:21The blue one?
01:20:22That's your favorite color, huh?
01:20:24Being born poor, you can start off rough.
01:20:26It can be a difficult process because you've limited opportunities, but them opportunities
01:20:31will come.
01:20:32Catch that.
01:20:33Good catch, boy.
01:20:34Yeah, sometimes you get dealt a bad hand.
01:20:37I've been getting a bad deck of cards all my life.
01:20:39You gonna sit there and cry about it?
01:20:41Or you gonna play through it?
01:20:43Well, I'm just at home, working a regular job, waiting for my opportunity.
01:20:47Is the dream over?
01:20:48Hell no, you know the dream ain't over, man.
01:20:51What kind of question is that?
01:20:52Come on, this is our last chance.
01:20:55Stop.
01:20:56There we go, stay there, stay there.
01:20:59Y'all gonna see me at 40.
01:21:01If he's still filming this when I'm 45, 50, y'all gonna see him like, he gonna ask me
01:21:07that same question with some wrinkles in his voice, because he gonna be super old by then.
01:21:12And now, and you gonna ask me the same question, and I'm gonna tell you as an old man, nah,
01:21:17the dream ain't over.
01:21:18I can still get out there and run with them youngins.
01:21:20Watch.
01:21:23I ain't letting this go, man.
01:21:24It's just...
01:21:26My mama used to tell me, like, people, certain people was born to do certain things.
01:21:30You know what I'm saying?
01:21:32It's just what I was born to do.
01:21:35Go.
01:21:40Yo, you better scold him.
01:21:41Get it, boy.
01:21:46That's what I'm talking about.
01:21:47That faith in that boy.
01:21:50You see it?
01:21:51That's the new truth, man.
01:21:53Yeah.
01:22:11For more on this and other Frontline programs, visit our website at pbs.org slash frontline.
01:22:28Yeah.
01:22:30Yeah.
01:22:34Yeah.
01:22:35I'll see you next time.
01:22:36Yeah.
01:22:37Yeah.
01:22:38Yeah.
01:22:39Yeah.
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