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00:00This is the future, San Dimas, California, 2692.
00:04A most excellent society based on the philosophy of the two great ones,
00:07Bill and Ted, and the music of their band, the Wild Stallions.
00:11My job is to provide the two great ones with the Circuits of Time phone booth,
00:15allowing them to travel through time, keeping them on their correct path.
00:19A path they must follow to ensure the future of our most excellent society.
00:30Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventures
01:00Now, Jesse, you should try to be more open to our students' musical expressions.
01:24After all, you are the music appreciation teacher.
01:27If one of our little MTV monkeys ever learns to play music, I'll be the first to appreciate it.
01:38Rocket Dog Fever
01:39And now I'd like to introduce the final band,
01:44a tranquil conclusion to an otherwise loud evening.
01:48It gives me great pleasure to introduce to you the tie-dyed sunsets.
01:57You could at least pretend you like the other bands.
02:05Like you pretend you have hair?
02:08Where are the Wild Stallions?
02:09According to your list, Bill and Ted were scheduled for 7 o'clock.
02:12Those two flakes, they probably forgot where the school was.
02:16Hurry, dude!
02:19Mr. Pearl said we had to be here by 9 o'clock sharp or we forfeit our spot.
02:27High night, Sunset. Let's hear it. Come on!
02:32Thanks for the ride, Mrs. Logan.
02:34Told me where she's locked him on.
02:35First, I want to thank Ms. Pearl for another great Battle of the Band.
02:42And turn it over to her for the winner's present Christmas.
02:50Dude, they're completely psyched and ready for us.
02:52I guess being in the last band wasn't so bad at all.
02:54And you thought Ms. Pearl didn't like you.
02:56Look, everybody's leaving.
03:04What happened?
03:06You've been robbed, dear.
03:08The tie-dyed sunsets already won.
03:10Don't be bitter, boys.
03:14There's always next year.
03:15Miss Pearl, I know I'm not your favorite student, but to stoop so low as to...
03:24Sabotage my son.
03:31Eleanor.
03:32Jesse.
03:33Chad, I've got a totally bad feeling about this, dude.
03:58Dude, your mind is gouging my teacher's eye out.
04:01It's so before.
04:03Jesse.
04:04Is this Logan?
04:20Dude, you've got to stoop him.
04:24She's your mom.
04:27Face forward, please.
04:34Hi, boys.
04:39I have to quit school.
04:43Dad, sir, let me explain.
04:45What am I going to do with you, Ted?
04:47When are you going to start being your own man?
04:48But, Dad...
04:49You don't know how good you have it, mister.
04:50When I was your age, I held two part-time jobs and still made the honor roll.
04:55And on teacher's work days, you wouldn't find Chet Logan hanging out in the 7-Eleven.
04:59I was in the library.
05:00Ten miles each way, and not in any hundred-dollar Nikes.
05:04I had big, ugly shoes that lasted forever.
05:07And when my old man said, one pair of laces, you better believe I made them last, because
05:11I had respect for my elders.
05:12I had ambition.
05:13You have none of these things, Ted.
05:14Ted, you are a wiggly worm.
05:17And what happens to wiggly worms, Ted?
05:19They could eat my birds, sir.
05:21Your mother and I even have to fight your fights for you.
05:24But, Dad, it wasn't my fault.
05:26Mom and Ms. Pearl just kind of attacked each other.
05:29Jessie Pearl?
05:30It was awful.
05:32Did your mother win?
05:33I think so.
05:42Hi, honey.
05:43Your underwire bra is shoving.
05:46Let her out.
05:48Oh, I get it.
05:49Logan's been the law, and the rest of us break it.
05:54Hello, Jessie.
05:56Still a hippie, I see.
05:58Still got bushy armpits?
06:00Still got this, too.
06:041969.
06:05Is that the year you got your distemper shot?
06:07Go ahead, detective.
06:09Show your fellow fascists your arm.
06:14I don't know what hurt more.
06:15Getting it, burning it off, or the two months of hell in between?
06:20Let her out.
06:24No.
06:26I don't want any favors from the Logans.
06:29All Logans are pigs.
06:31I don't want to talk about it.
06:36Hell no, I won't go.
06:38Hell no, I won't go.
06:40It's not just you she hates.
06:42She hates your whole family.
06:43I won't go.
06:44Hell no, I won't go.
06:47Hell no, I won't go.
06:49Hell no, I won't go.
06:49You must go back to 1969 and get a full-on understanding of these non-triumphal feelings toward the good Logan name.
06:56Hell no, I won't go.
06:57Hell no, I won't go.
06:58Hell no, I won't go.
06:59Hell no, the food must go.
07:01Hell no, the food must go.
07:03Hell no, the food must go.
07:05Hell no, the food must go.
07:07Hell no, the food must go.
07:08Hell no, the food must go.
07:09No more hot dogs.
07:10No more fish sticks.
07:11No more fish sticks.
07:12I like fish sticks.
07:14Boo!
07:17Dude, the school's totally new-looking.
07:35Guess it wasn't always a dump.
07:37We're not eating.
07:45We're not eating.
07:47We want green.
07:49We want nutrition.
07:50What is the problem here?
07:52We're tired of the poisons of Babylon,
07:54and until there's a change, we're not eating.
07:56We're not eating.
07:58We're not eating.
08:00We're not eating.
08:01We're not eating.
08:03We're not eating.
08:04We're not eating.
08:06We're not eating!
08:07That protesting thing.
08:08We're not eating!
08:09She's most definitely a younger Miss Pearl.
08:10We're not eating!
08:12We're not eating!
08:13We're not eating!
08:14Students!
08:15We conformed to state education food program.
08:19Thank you!
08:20There's nothing wrong with the meals we serve.
08:23Thank you!
08:24Thank you!
08:25I'm fine for ages, but some of your classmates don't look like they can hold out much longer.
08:29Hey, hey, hey.
08:30Hey, give me my fish stick.
08:32I'm starving, man.
08:34Put that fish stick around!
08:36You're coming with me!
08:37Bill!
08:38My dad's a full-on hippie!
08:45No one tells us when to eat or what to eat.
08:49We're not sheep.
08:51Eat your grain, Moondog.
08:55New friends, eat with us.
08:58Share your message.
09:00Sign, sign, everywhere sign, blocking out the scenery, breaking my mind.
09:10It's so true, man.
09:12It's so groovy.
09:14Dig your groovy threads, man.
09:17We totally dig your groovy threads, too, man.
09:22Here, meet my friends.
09:24I'm Jessie.
09:25This is Free, Crystal, and this is my old man, Moondog.
09:30Moondog.
09:38Are you new to San Dimas High?
09:40Uh, sort of new, but we're here.
09:43It's a totally hot school.
09:44Who needs school, man?
09:46The real education's out there, and me and my old man are gonna find it and change the world.
09:51I love it when you talk change.
09:54But, Dad, what about your part-time jobs?
09:57What about the honor roll?
09:58Yeah.
09:59Where's your big ugly shoes?
10:02Works for establishment scum, man.
10:04Defined by how many people they can cheat over martinis.
10:06Right, babe?
10:07Well, Coop, Moondog and I have to get going.
10:16Are you sure no one else wants to join us on our sojourn of love and understanding?
10:21I'd love to, but my dad's bummed on me going to Woodstock.
10:25Woodstock?
10:26No way!
10:27Hendricks!
10:28The Hill!
10:29Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young!
10:31By the time we got to Woodstock, we were half a million strong!
10:35The rock and roll event of all time!
10:37You babies were born!
10:38We were waiting for three straight days!
10:40They totally ran out of bathrooms!
10:41Yeah!
10:42It was a total mudslide!
10:43Yeah!
10:44How do you know about that, man?
10:45Totally from the movie, Dad!
10:46Uh, dude, man?
10:49The movie?
10:51Yeah.
10:52When do we leave?
10:53You got any bread for gas, man?
10:54No.
10:55But I got my dad's credit card.
10:57Groovy!
10:58We can charge up his darners club.
11:00I'm starving.
11:01Let's say goodbye.
11:05Dad.
11:06We're going to Woodstock.
11:07Yeah, dude.
11:08With my dad!
11:10Hey, why do you keep staring at me?
11:12You totally look like someone else I know.
11:14Well, stop it.
11:15It gives me the creeps, man.
11:16I used to fall for people's games all the time until I met my old man.
11:23He taught me how to speak my mind, to do my own thing.
11:26I'll always love him for that.
11:27Groovy.
11:28After Woodstock, he and I are going to hitchhike through Europe, study music, right?
11:29I'll always love him for that.
11:30I'll always love him for that.
11:31Groovy.
11:32What do we got to eat?
11:33Oh yes, it gives me the creeps, man.
11:34Good night, John fucking, when I was little boy.
11:35I never got to catch up on my fucking head.
11:36I can't be hungry.
11:37You can't be the creeps man.
11:38I used to fall for people's games all the time until I met my own man.
11:39He taught me how to speak my mind, to do my own thing.
11:44I always love him for that.
11:49Groovy.
11:50After Woodstock, he and I are going to hitchhike through Europe, study music, ride-hike.
11:57What do we got to eat?
12:10No way!
12:12Let's talk to pizza.
12:13She won't let me eat pizza.
12:15You must totally like her.
12:19What?
12:20We got them together.
12:22It hurt a little, but I figured it would be worth it if every time she sees it,
12:25she gets, you know, in the mood.
12:32You really know where I'm coming from, man.
12:34I can really rap to you.
12:38My folks, I can't talk to them about anything.
12:44I just hope someday my kids don't feel that way about me.
12:51Whoa, come on, baby.
12:52Come on, baby, don't die at me.
12:54Grab the stick.
12:54What?
12:55The stick, the stick.
12:57It's not like that, man.
12:58Oh, man.
12:59Oh, man.
13:00Oh, man.
13:12I was just starting to like you guys.
13:14You can fix it, can't you?
13:16Yeah.
13:16I probably could.
13:18It wasn't so...
13:19Ow!
13:21Oh, baby.
13:23Oh.
13:23Oh, baby.
13:27Let's, uh, nap while it cools.
13:37Wow.
13:44Bill, my dad's completely bogus.
13:47No part-time jobs, no part-time jobs, no honor roll.
13:50He's a total wiggly worm.
13:52I know, dude.
13:53Miss Pearl's not really a bad babe,
13:55just ever so misinformed as we are at this age.
13:58Is this your van?
14:12Is this your van?
14:20Bill, strange things are afoot out here in the middle of nowhere.
14:23What do you mean, dude?
14:26That sheriff, dude.
14:27He's totally my grandfather.
14:33Put your clothes on.
14:36We appreciate you putting us up for the night, sir.
14:38Sir?
14:39Don't sir him.
14:40You're kind of polite for a hippie.
14:42Yes, sir.
14:43You see, I'm not really a hippie.
14:45Moon dog.
14:46Chet Logan, sir.
14:48Any chance of us getting something to eat?
14:50I hope you hippies brought your appetite.
15:00Dude.
15:01And Mom.
15:02She's a babe.
15:06Shut up, Bill.
15:09She's totally cute, Ted.
15:12Shut up, Bill.
15:15I brought my own food.
15:20Daddy, would it be all right if I borrowed something for school?
15:23Sure, sugar, what do you need?
15:25Him.
15:27He's a jailbird, honey.
15:29But, Danny, the school dances tonight,
15:31and all the boys around here are so boring.
15:33Say goodnight, Eleanor.
15:34But, Teddy.
15:40I'll check on you later.
15:45Ted?
15:47Your mom's totally hot for you.
15:49Shut up, Bill.
15:52How can you eat that?
15:58How is everything?
15:59I've never eaten so well in all my life.
16:07Wow, you look great.
16:10Well, I couldn't very well go to the dance in ratty jeans, could I?
16:15You're taking me?
16:16But, Mom, I mean, man, I'm totally to that feet.
16:20Take Dad.
16:21I mean, dog.
16:24Him?
16:24I can't even see his face.
16:34Oh, yeah.
16:36He's kind of cute.
16:38Hey, that's my old man.
16:41You traitor.
16:43First you pandered to the law, and then you dated.
16:45I'm sorry.
16:48As much as I'd like to go with you, I...
16:49Moondog.
16:51You can't let her go, dude.
16:53You gotta learn
16:54to be your own man.
16:56I'd be happy to go to the dance with you.
17:04I'm Chet Logan, by the way.
17:06Ellie, what?
17:08Moondog, you go with her, and you and I are through.
17:11That's fine with me, you...
17:13you hippie.
17:15And my name's not Moondog.
17:16It's Chet.
17:17I hate Moondog.
17:19And I hate eating things that look like I shook them out of my shoes.
17:22I want the dream, Jesse.
17:24I want to work hard and come home to a hot meal and yell at my kids so they know that I love them.
17:29And I want to share my dream with a girl that doesn't want to change anything more than the color of her nails.
17:34Fine, then.
17:35You take them.
17:36You deserve each other.
17:39I will.
17:41Good night, boys.
17:47Dad, what's wrong?
17:50Well, I think my dad just blossomed into the tough, but fair father I totally take for granted.
18:08What's wrong with me?
18:11I tried so hard to be his old lady, and he just walked out of my life.
18:15We were going to change the world.
18:19My dad, I mean, Moondog, never changes anything but his socks.
18:28You can still study music.
18:31You can teach the promising talent in the San Dimas area.
18:34You can inspire them to greatness.
18:36You don't need Moondog.
18:39You don't need anybody.
18:41Just, uh, don't be bitter.
18:42Dude, um, I think we better go, uh, I think we're making it worse.
18:51But, Bill, we can't leave a babe in distress.
18:55Yeah.
18:56Excuse us again.
18:57I just want to say, I think you're a major babe.
19:02But, if you hold on to anger, you'll only make yourself bummed.
19:08Yeah.
19:08They'll give you frizzy hair, and you'll yell at everybody, and have heinous things written about you, bathroom walls.
19:16You just gotta remind yourself.
19:18Dudes are the weaker sex.
19:20Ted.
19:20Babes bounce back.
19:24Can you remember that?
19:26Dudes are the weaker sex.
19:28Babes bounce back.
19:29Dudes are the weaker sex.
19:31Babes bounce back.
19:33Will you, too, shut up?
19:41Bill, my friend.
19:46Some people you just can't reach.
19:50Dudes are the weaker sex.
20:18Babes, babes bounce back.
20:24Dudes are the weaker sex.
20:29Babes totally bounce back.
20:42Great job, everybody.
20:44We're Phil and Ted.
20:45Has anybody seen him?
20:46Yeah.
20:46Yeah.
20:46Yeah.
20:47Yeah.
20:47Yeah.
20:48Well, your solo was wonderful.
20:56She told you that I was back, dude.
20:58She's totally happier, dude.
21:00She's a total bitch.
21:06Come on, you guys.
21:07You're next.
21:09Rocket Dog Beaver.
21:10Give him a big hand.
21:11Good luck, boys.
21:12Thanks, Mrs. Logan.
21:13Good luck, boys.
21:16Thanks, Mrs. Logan.
21:20You know, when I was your age, I wasn't wasting my time on some rock and roll fantasy.
21:24I had drive, I had drive, I had ambition.
21:25I had drive.
21:25I had ambition.
21:26Whatever you say, moon dog.
21:28I'm a terrific young man that I'm very, very proud of.
21:31Let's hear it for the wild stallion.
21:34good luck, bud.
21:35Come on.
21:35I can't find
21:38you.
21:40I can't stand here anymore.
21:40I can't stand here.
21:41Come on.
21:41I can't stand here anymore.
21:43Go!
21:44Hi Eleanor, good to see you.
21:51Thanks so much for coming.
21:58Keep smiling at her like that and you can sleep on the couch.
22:01Yes, Eleanor.
22:02You say you want?
22:04On a wiggly world.
22:14Later tonight, isn't that Bud Bundy with two gorgeous women?
22:27No, your eyes aren't deceiving you.
22:29It's Bud the Ladies' Man on Married with Children,
22:33right after In Living Color and Rachel Gunn R.N. tonight.
22:36Now stay tuned for True Colors.
22:44True Colors.
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