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00:01This is the future, San Dimas, California, 2692.
00:04A most excellent society based on the philosophy of the two great ones,
00:07Bill and Ted, and the music of their band, the Wild Stallions.
00:11My job is to provide the two great ones with the Circuits of Time phone booth,
00:15allowing them to travel through time, keeping them on their correct path.
00:19A path they must follow to ensure the future of our most excellent society.
00:30Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventures
00:53A society based on the philosophy and lessons learned during
00:57Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventures
01:27Bill and Ted, are you sensing something of the most peculiar nature?
01:34San Dimas High, the most excellent institution of higher education, has wigged.
01:42The entire student body has signed up for Amore 101.
01:57Except for us.
01:59Except for us.
02:00We stand most non-triumphally outside the circle of love.
02:05I am hellaciously bummed.
02:08Do not be, Ted.
02:10Somewhere, there are two babes who are dreaming of their destiny dudes,
02:14and those two dudes are us.
02:16We are?
02:17Yeah.
02:18Soon we'll have someone to walk with, and someone to talk with.
02:22Someone to go to the water slides with?
02:23Yeah.
02:24But we must promise ourselves not to let our undying love
02:28for our respected but still imaginary babes
02:30ever interfere with our undying devotion to the wild stallions.
02:34No way.
02:37Bill, we are wretchedly out of tune.
02:40I fear so, Ted.
02:42We must expeditiously rectify this most non-triumphant situation.
02:56Whoa.
02:58Is it them?
03:08Could it be?
03:11The destiny babes!
03:13I didn't know our destiny babes would have such big hair, Ted.
03:34Uh, I forgot to tell you, Ted.
03:42Sammy called last night.
03:43He needs help with his new album.
03:45Cool.
03:46Sammy who?
03:48Sammy...
03:48Hagar.
03:49Hagar.
03:49Oh, okay.
03:51But then we're gonna have to cancel our jam session with Ted.
03:55With yourself?
03:57No, dude.
03:58The Nugent.
03:59Nugent.
03:59Oh, that's right.
04:01Our esteemed peer, Ted Nugent.
04:06Hey, Trissa.
04:07Could you remind me after biology to call Madonna
04:10regarding the two geeks from San Dimas High tour?
04:13Wow, Madonna.
04:15Excellent.
04:16How lame can you get?
04:18I feel almost downtrodden, Bill.
04:27We just got totally rejected from our babes of destiny.
04:30Arnold Schwarzenegger could not have wasted us with more ferocity.
04:33We are in the most sorry state of babelessness.
04:36I am bound to be on reasonable doubt.
04:39Do not be, Ted.
04:40Babes are mysterious creatures.
04:42They bear the deepest secrets of nature.
04:44They are the Earth's essence.
04:47Where did you acquire this most cosmic knowledge, Bill?
04:50On the back of my stepmom's bottle of Sacramento Nights perfume.
04:54Missy.
04:55Shut up, Ted.
05:02Yo, Bill and Ted.
05:03How's it hanging?
05:07Good friend Larry Rogo is most assuredly in possession of the key
05:10that unlocks the cold heart of the babes.
05:12Now that Mr. Casanova is here, we can get started.
05:16Casanova?
05:17Dude, it's just like Rogo.
05:22Ted, are you busy?
05:25Wait a minute.
05:27Who's been sitting in my lazy dog lounger?
05:29Doesn't go all the way back anymore.
05:31Here, Mr. Preston.
05:32This most distressing thing happened to my dad's lazy dog.
05:37Oh, thank you, Ted.
05:39What can I do for you boys today?
05:40Well, it's just that we noticed that spring is in the air
05:43and everyone's peered off with a love mate except for me and Sir Ted.
05:46Yeah, Mr. Preston.
05:48It's totally unfair.
05:49We need you to reveal the secrets of babedom.
05:51How did you so righteously get Missy to be your one and only love slave?
05:55Ted!
05:56Well, Theodore, you may not believe this,
05:58but I used to be quite a Casanova in my day.
06:00Ted!
06:01That's the second time today we heard that most unusual name.
06:04Giacomo Casanova was the greatest lover of them all.
06:07Legend has it there wasn't a woman alive he couldn't seduce.
06:10Whoa!
06:11Tell us more, Dad.
06:12Hi, Bill.
06:13Hi, Ted.
06:16How is Mama's best little boy?
06:19Hi, sweetie.
06:21Casanova was the uncontested heavyweight champion of love for two centuries.
06:27That is, uh...
06:28That is, until I came along.
06:32Isn't that right, Angel Face?
06:34Who?
06:35God, I love you.
06:37Thanks, Dad.
06:38Gotta go.
06:39Yeah, uh, we got a book.
06:42Ted!
06:42Casanova's the one to teach us the lessons of love.
06:56I will enjoy this more than I did your wife.
06:58The next thrust shall be the sweetest one, Casanova.
07:27Ted, Casanova's about to bite it.
07:30We've got to do something.
07:31Pronto!
07:33Die, you adulterous pig.
07:37Stay away from our admired friend, Jacko Casanova.
07:40I don't know who you are, but you, too, will die.
07:46Will not.
07:47Will, too.
07:49You'll be sorry you got my most peace-loving friend, Ted, theater, Logan, so majorly tweet.
07:54Just kidding.
07:54Stay away from my lips.
07:56I'm sorry.
07:56I love you.
07:57I love you.
07:57I love you.
07:58Whatever it is.
07:58I love you.
07:59I love you.
08:00I love you.
08:00I love you.
08:01I love you.
08:03I love you.
08:07Ted, you gave him the mark of Zorro.
08:32Excellent.
08:34The force is with me, dude.
08:36If I were you, I'd buck.
08:38Say goodbye, senor.
08:43Goodbye, senor.
08:47Pink bows with brown shoes.
08:49No wonder your wife could not stand the sight of you.
08:52Women have no time for a man with no sartorial style.
08:58Make note, Ted.
08:59You've got to find out what sartorial means.
09:02I think it has something to do with this righteous ensemble.
09:05Check him out.
09:05Give me my sword.
09:07Who are you, two buffoons?
09:08We, two buffoons, are Ted Theodore Logan and my esteemed associate, Bill S. Preston, Esquire.
09:13And we have traveled far and wide to meet you, oh gigantic one, so that you might teach us the lessons of fair sex.
09:20You want me, Casanova, a man with no equal, the greatest lover that ever lived, a god amongst mortals, man of the hour, the man with the power.
09:29You dare suggest that my precious time be engaged in the lowly pursuit of tutorial?
09:34Definitely.
09:35Definitely.
09:36Why would I do that?
09:38Because we saved you from that big gnarly dude over there.
09:42Why is he trying to waste you anyway?
09:44For the peculiar reason that I slept with his wife.
09:47Believe me, I was doing him a favor.
09:50What an ungrateful dude.
09:51Please, oh great one, we will be most willing vessels for which you could pour your copious amounts of babe wisdom into you.
10:00It would require so little from you, it means so much to us.
10:03Let me see what I have today.
10:08A two o'clock twist with Mrs. Oliveri, another with Mrs. Rappelli at three, that may run a while.
10:13A duel with Mrs. Oliveri's husband at five, I'm getting my nails done at 5.30, the Primavera sisters at six.
10:19Another duel at eight.
10:21As you can see, I'm much too busy.
10:23But you've got to help us.
10:25We've come all the way from San Dimas.
10:27Which is where?
10:28From the future.
10:31From the 20th century.
10:32We've come back to learn love chops from the love maestro.
10:36That's you, dude.
10:46And this.
10:47Those are our wheels.
10:49Yeah.
10:49And if you agree to teach us some mysterious ways of love, O enormous one, we will take you back to 1991.
10:57The year of the tasty babe.
10:59You can score with babes in two different centuries.
11:02Yeah, from two different continents.
11:04Then you would definitely be the undisputed, all world, all time, king of babes.
11:08They don't understand this.
11:10On behalf of not only ourselves, but also our destiny babes.
11:14Join us in an ever so rude.
11:16Turbocharged.
11:17Circuits of time.
11:18Phone booth.
11:19And you need to pause at a dime.
11:20He's close on us.
11:21I think not.
11:23I think so, dude.
11:25Get in!
11:25Get in!
11:29Bye!
11:42No.
11:43No.
11:48No.
11:48What part of the world did you say this was?
12:02Welcome to lovely San Dimas.
12:07Nice.
12:08We're about to party with a love god.
12:33Whoa!
12:38Take off your holy garments.
12:45Let me clothe you in my imagination.
13:00I am in you.
13:02Oh.
13:04And you are in me.
13:05I am in you.
13:07You choose me.
13:09You know me.
13:12You lie.
13:17That was really beautiful, Jacko.
13:20Yeah.
13:21You're a poet.
13:22You've moved your home to me.
13:23Know it.
13:24I know it.
13:25Why don't the two of you run off and fetch me a flagon at the local meet?
13:30What about our plan?
13:31As I told you centuries ago, I am no teacher.
13:35Oh.
13:37Fine.
13:38You may sit and observe my technique, but I don't want to know that you're here.
13:42I want you to be as quiet as church mice.
13:48Understood?
13:49Shh.
13:54I slumber here.
13:57And weakly old.
14:01Poetry.
14:03Loud and slow.
14:05Scraping through the big lady.
14:07Buzz!
14:09Okay.
14:10Let's try some poetry action.
14:13On them.
14:18Okay.
14:19But remember.
14:20We cannot lead them on.
14:21For our hearts belong to our destiny babes.
14:24Definitely.
14:25This is but a mere dress rehearsal.
14:36My heart is like a flower.
14:40And without your love water, it will wither.
14:45And the most desperately die.
14:48I know karate and will not hesitate to use it on you.
14:51My heart is like a flower.
14:54My heart is like a flower.
15:05Hainlessly shot down.
15:07Crashed and burnt.
15:08Squashed like a bug.
15:12We most heinously failed.
15:14We're destined to pass through this realm totally babeless.
15:17We'll never know the joys of going to the water slide with our destiny babes.
15:22Stop your whimpering.
15:25Yes.
15:26You have failed.
15:28Desperately.
15:29Pathetically.
15:30But that's because you tried to act like me.
15:31And nobody.
15:33Not anyone ever can be me.
15:35You should we act like?
15:38Yourself.
15:40Huh?
15:41I am an arrogant, selfish, silver-tongued devil.
15:44But I never pretend to be anything different.
15:48Women love me.
15:50Simple as that.
15:52So we become ourselves and become...
15:55Babe magnets?
15:59Bitch, we can do that.
16:01Let's go back and be ourselves with the dress rehearsal babes.
16:03Yeah.
16:04What?
16:11What?
16:12Hey, Twinkletones.
16:13We're hitting on our women.
16:14So beat it, ballerina boy.
16:17I will not be spoken to in such a fashion.
16:22I will have an apology.
16:25Or I will have your head.
16:27You choose.
16:28Wow.
16:31What are you going to do?
16:32What?
16:33Excuse me.
16:36Whoa!
16:38Whoa!
16:42Whoa!
16:47Whoa!
16:49Whoa!
16:50Whoa!
16:52Whoa!
16:54Whoa!
16:56Whoa!
16:57Whoa!
16:58Good luck, Ted.
17:19Good luck, girl.
17:21Telly-holly, Jacko.
17:28You two have guided me on a truly wondrous journey, and you have saved my life.
17:34For that, I and all the women of the world thank you.
17:38The swords here are quite unusual, but I like this century.
17:45Gentlemen!
17:50But gentlemen, so short of stay.
17:53Sorry, dude, we have to take you back.
17:55So many, so little kind.
17:59Soon we'll be walking arm in arm with righteous babes, Ted.
18:03Just like the rest of our stupid-stricken student body.
18:07I hope so, Bill.
18:08I just hope I can remember to be myself if we meet up with our Destiny Babes together.
18:13There they are.
18:20You ready to be yourself, Ted?
18:22I'm ready, Bill.
18:24Are you?
18:25I've never been more mean.
18:28Be Ted, Ted.
18:37Be Bill, Bill.
18:44How's it going?
18:45I like your big hair.
18:47I like your big hair, too.
18:49You guys never give up, do you?
18:51We request the honor of your presence at Aunt Bob's, home of the big 12-inch, after school.
18:56They have the most vivid pizza in all San Dimas.
18:58Yes, and a clogzilla machine.
19:01You want us to go out with you?
19:04Definitely.
19:06Is Ted Nugent going to be there?
19:08No.
19:09Shamefully, I admit, we don't really know him.
19:12We just really liked you, and we're trying to impress you, because we didn't know how to be ourselves yet.
19:19We'll meet you for pizza.
19:20Mm-hmm.
19:20No way.
19:26Ted, I've never seen you so yourself.
19:28Most hearty congratulations, dude.
19:30I don't know what happened.
19:31It was just myself.
19:32Hi, Bill.
19:32Hi, Ted.
19:33Hi, babes.
19:37I feel totally guilty directing my attention to other babes, since we are now joined heart and soul to our destiny, babes.
19:43Relationships carry with them great responsibility.
19:48I hope we're up to the task.
19:51I'm going to be faithful to my babe until the day I die.
19:54So am I.
19:57By the way, Bill, which one is your babe and which one is mine?
20:05And she was wearing this top.
20:06It was so cute.
20:07It was cropped about here, and it had this really cute lace trim, and then black and white polka dots all over it.
20:13What size were the polka dots?
20:15Well, they weren't really small like these, and they weren't really big.
20:20They were just, um...
20:22Medium?
20:23Yeah, medium.
20:24Thanks, Ted.
20:24But not like a big medium, more like a small medium.
20:27That is my favorite size polka dot.
20:30Mine too.
20:33Thanks for the pizza.
20:35Yeah, we'll see you at school tomorrow.
20:37I once had a top of exactly that size polka dot.
20:39Oh, you mean the green one?
20:40No, it wasn't exactly green.
20:42It was more bluish?
20:43I guess that'd be called, like, aquamarine, right?
20:45Yeah, yeah.
20:45Oh, it looks so good on you.
20:47Thanks.
20:47Pull your little check for us.
20:48Do you think it's possible we made the most egregious error choosing those babes as our destiny babes?
20:55I don't know.
20:56They are kind of nice.
20:59Cute.
21:00Perhaps those babes are not our destiny babes.
21:04But we're imposters.
21:05It is an alarming thought.
21:07Yeah.
21:07Bill, I think for now we should fly solo through the airs of babedome.
21:12At least until we are certain of the true identity of those babes.
21:15In the meantime, it is a preeminent importance that we concentrate on the music of wild stallions.
21:21Yeah.
21:21And definitely not have a two-hour conversation about cute tops.
21:24Isn't it amazing how we always agree on everything, Ted?
21:28I was just about to say that.
21:29What am I thinking about now, Ted?
21:31That we should go to the record store right now and get him to play every Van Halen CD ever made.
21:36Definitely.
21:37Mr. Preston?
21:40Oh, after you, Mr. Logan.
21:52Later tonight on In Living Color, Blaine and Antoine return with a manly look at what's new on video.
21:58Then on Rachel Gunn, Nurse Rachel makes two mistakes.
22:03First, injuring her foot.
22:05Second, turning to her staff for help.
22:07An all-new Rachel Gunn RN, followed by Married with Children tonight.
22:11Now stay tuned for True Colors.
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