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00:00I bless you dudes in the most excellent names of Bill and Ted.
00:09Be excellent! Party on!
00:12Life was a bitch for Bill and Ted in 20th century San Dimas.
00:17Yet today, we have much to thank the two great ones for.
00:20Bowling scores are way up.
00:22Mini-golf scores are way down.
00:24And we have more excellent water slides than any other planet we communicate with.
00:29Although destiny could have taken a most heinous turn,
00:32we are thankful for the circuits of time that allow me to travel back
00:35and keep the two great ones on the correct path,
00:38ensuring our most excellent society.
00:41Totally!
00:43A society based on the philosophy and lessons learned
00:47during Bill and Ted's excellent adventures.
00:53Now, let's remember a time before the big homecoming dance
00:57at which Bill and Ted were scheduled to play.
01:01One, two, one, two, three, four!
01:20No way!
01:21Bill, this is most disastrous.
01:25What happened?
01:26We totally annihilated our amp.
01:28Yeah, we have surpassed the sonic limitations of this most incompetent device.
01:33Dude, we are two exceedingly powerful musicians.
01:39We need a bigger amp, dude.
01:41By Friday, dude.
01:42Ted, what are we going to do?
01:45Hello, hello.
01:47I thought if you boys were taking a break,
01:49you might want something to drink.
01:50Thanks, Missy.
01:52I mean, Mom.
01:54Bill, your step-wolf is such an incredible babe.
01:58Shut up, Ted.
02:00Never seen her in a bikini before.
02:02She's given me a full-on chubby.
02:04Shut up, Ted!
02:06What happened to your poor little amplifier?
02:08We exceeded its most non-abundant capacity.
02:12What are you going to do?
02:13The dance is tomorrow.
02:15We don't know, Missy.
02:16It's a most un-excellent situation.
02:19Where'd you go, sweetheart?
02:22I'm missing you, my dad.
02:30Shut up, Ted.
02:32I didn't even say anything.
02:33Taking a break?
02:38No.
02:40Their amp blew.
02:41It's so bogus.
02:43The $500 amp I got you for Christmas, Bill?
02:47Yeah, Dad.
02:49But if you buy him another,
02:51more expensive one,
02:53we'll give you 2% of the first million dollars
02:56you make on the road.
02:57I'm sure you'll agree, sir,
02:58that is a majestic return on your money.
03:01Are you out of your mind?
03:02Dad, what are we going to do?
03:05The dance is on Friday.
03:06If we blow this,
03:08we're...
03:09totally doomed!
03:12Sorry, guys.
03:13Guess you're going to have to buy yourselves a new amp.
03:15But how are we going to do that?
03:17I don't know.
03:19Get a job.
03:21A job?
03:22Welcome to the new world,
03:24the new world,
03:25world of milk.
03:26Welcome to the new world,
03:27the new world.
03:29Greetings and felicitations, Mr. Kielsen.
03:31I'll allow me to introduce myself,
03:33Ted Theodore Logan,
03:34and my best friend
03:35and esteemed musical associate,
03:37Bill S. Preston, Esquire.
03:39Uh-huh.
03:40Well, unless you boys play the Bosa,
03:42we don't carry musical instruments.
03:44No, sir, tools.
03:45That's what we're all about here at Nail World.
03:46Exactly, sir.
03:47We're here about the job.
03:49The job?
03:50Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
03:55Oh, I see.
03:57Well, can you lift a hundred-pound bag of manure
04:00or one on each shoulder?
04:02Most easily.
04:03Can you tell the difference
04:03between a monkey wrench and a gap-two saw bit?
04:06Totally.
04:07Oh.
04:07Can you afford to sacrifice scholastic achievement
04:09in order to work long hours
04:11at minimum wage and no health benefits?
04:13Most definitely.
04:14Boy, you boys don't discourage easily, do you?
04:17No way.
04:18Well, sorry, I can only afford to hire one of you.
04:21Mr. Kielsen, my musical associate Bill and I are trapped in the most outstandingly bad situation.
04:28We are supposed to perform tomorrow night at the San Dimas High homecoming dance,
04:32and our amp is completely toasted.
04:35We both need jobs.
04:37Did you say you go to San Dimas High?
04:40My daughter goes to San Dimas High.
04:43How for Judas.
04:44Your chances of dual employment would increase greatly if you just did me a small favor.
04:48Anything, dude. We're totally desperate.
04:51One of you takes my daughter, Bernadette, to the school dance.
04:53Bernie Kielsen?
04:55Oh, you know Muffin?
04:57You take her, Bill.
04:58No way, Ted. You take her.
05:00No way, man. You take her.
05:02Ted, we need that amp.
05:03I know Bill's a taker.
05:04Ted, I have a reputation.
05:06Bill, so do I.
05:07She's totally gross.
05:08Oh, dang, that's it. Come on, let's go.
05:10Out of here, out of here. Let's go, you guys.
05:12I don't know. Just move it. Move it. Move it.
05:14Out, out, out, out.
05:16You never let me see you around here again.
05:18It's so my little muffin.
05:20We blew it, Ted.
05:22I know, dude.
05:23Our hopes have been most transplantedly dashed.
05:36Rufus.
05:37Rufus.
05:37How's it going?
05:39How's the future, dude?
05:40Looking pretty grim, dudes.
05:42What?
05:43Bill and Ted, if you don't play at that dance tomorrow night, then you won't go on to fulfill
05:48your destiny as the only two dudes in the universe who can save the world from a most egregious
05:53fate.
05:54No way.
05:56This way.
05:56I'm afraid if the wild stallions don't play tomorrow night, then your lives, not to mention
06:03the future of mankind, will take a most heinous turn.
06:07But how do we play without an app?
06:10You're the great ones, gentlemen.
06:12You'll think of something.
06:13You know, dude, as the two future most inspired beings in history, we were most harsh and judgmental
06:39on Mr. Kielsen's daughter, Bernadette.
06:41Yeah, totally, dude.
06:43After all, beauty is only skin deep.
06:45Yeah.
06:47And if there's one thing Bernie Kielsen does have, it's a lot of skin.
06:51Dude, I got a most excellent concept.
06:54What, dude?
06:55Let's take the phone booth, go back in time 15 minutes, and rectify this most insensitive
07:00oversight.
07:01I got it, dude.
07:26Nothing's happening.
07:30Sorry, guys.
07:31Bill, we have been most unfortunately interfered with.
07:37No way, Ted.
07:39The delicate nature of time travel makes a hasty departure unwise.
07:46What are you doing?
07:48Got a plan, dude.
07:59Genius, Ted.
08:00Now we can travel back safely 15 minutes and get this job.
08:04Let's try this again.
08:05All right.
08:05Let's try this again.
08:07All right.
08:09Let's try this.
08:31This totally doesn't look right.
08:46Careful, Mongo. That meat don't taste so good.
08:58Get her in there.
09:02In a car, sweetheart.
09:08No.
09:09Move it! Now!
09:10Move it! Now!
09:11Move it! Now!
09:12Move it! Now!
09:13Move it! Now!
09:14Move it! Now!
09:15Move it! Now!
09:18Move it! Now!
09:20Now!
09:21Move it! Now!
09:23Now!
09:24Now!
09:25Now!
09:26Now!
09:27Now!
09:28Now!
09:29Now!
09:30Now!
09:31Now!
09:32Now!
09:33Now!
09:34Now!
09:35Now!
09:38Now!
09:39Now!
09:40Now!
09:41Now!
09:42Now!
09:43Now!
09:44Now!
09:45Now!
09:46Now!
09:47Now!
09:48Now!
09:49Now!
09:50Now!
09:51Now!
09:52Now!
09:53Now!
09:54Now!
09:55Now!
09:56Now!
09:57Now!
09:58Now!
09:59Now!
10:00Now!
10:01Now!
10:02Now!
10:03Now!
10:04Now!
10:05Now!
10:06Now!
10:07Now!
10:08Now!
10:09Now!
10:10Now!
10:11Now!
10:12Now!
10:13Now!
10:14Now!
10:15Now!
10:16Now!
10:17Now!
10:18Now!
10:19Now!
10:20Now!
10:21Now!
10:22Now!
10:23Now!
10:24Now!
10:25Now!
10:26Now!
10:27Now!
10:28Now!
10:29Now!
10:30Dude, I'm getting away from this place.
11:00Fifteen minutes, exactly.
11:07Let's go.
11:13Hey, what's going on?
11:16I can see your front side and your back side at the same time.
11:20And the front of my hand and the back of my hand,
11:23and the tops of my feet and the bottoms.
11:26I've never seen my front side and my back side at the same time.
11:29You're definitely missing out.
11:31Listen, black and white babe, we're not sure where you came from,
11:34but you're totally awesome, and we're glad we saved your life.
11:37Totally glad.
11:38But right now, we've got to go get this job,
11:40so just hang for a couple of minutes,
11:42and we'll be right back to try to get you back to wherever it is you came from.
11:47Don't go anywhere. We'll be right back.
11:54Hey, it's so bright and beautiful here.
11:57Where am I, anyway?
11:59San Dimas!
12:03San Dimas?
12:04Oh!
12:07My daughter goes to San Dimas High.
12:09No way!
12:10Is your daughter Bernie?
12:11He means Bernadette.
12:12Kielsen?
12:13Oh, you know Muffin?
12:14Oh, man, she's so awesome!
12:16She's such a goddess!
12:17I've had a major crush on her since, like, the seventh grade.
12:21I've been in love with her since the fourth grade.
12:23Mr. Kielsen, your daughter is without a doubt the most incredible,
12:26most amazingly bitching, beautiful, bodaciously breasted band.
12:30Dude, her skin is like the finest honey.
12:35She is so hot, Mr. Kielsen.
12:37So excellent!
12:38God!
12:39I would love to take her to the dance tomorrow night.
12:41It would, like, make my existence.
12:43No way, Bill.
12:44I want to take her.
12:45Forget it, Ted.
12:46I want to take her.
12:47In your dreams, dude, I'm going to take Bernadette to the dance.
12:50Boy, boy, stop fighting.
12:52I have an idea.
12:53Why don't you both take her?
12:55No way!
12:56What a most excellent idea, sir.
12:58And if you can both start working tonight,
13:00I can adventure the money for your aunt.
13:02Excellent!
13:05Meanwhile, I'll give Bernadette the good news.
13:08Oh, uh, by the way, what time you'll be picking her up?
13:11Picking Hula.
13:13Oh, oh.
13:14Oh, yeah, like seven.
13:16Uh, yeah, and could you tell her to wear something
13:18that doesn't make her butt look so...
13:19I look so incredibly shapely.
13:24See you tonight.
13:25Thanks for the job.
13:28We better check on the black and white babe
13:30before we make this most historic purchase.
13:32Bill, strange things are afoot at Nail World.
13:34What do you mean?
13:35The black and white babe?
13:36She's totally from somewhere else.
13:38Dude, she's from the magazine.
13:41And Ted!
13:42That dude looks just like you.
13:43That dude looks just like you.
13:46Whoa!
13:47We were there!
13:48We were there!
13:49That's us landing on the flat tube.
13:51Sorry, flat dude.
13:53It looks like this big Eddie dude
13:54killed Roxanne's boyfriend, Johnny,
13:56who's going to do something pretty heinous to her
13:58before we got there.
14:00Once we leave, she's gone.
14:03From the recent story.
14:04Dude, we've most erroneously brought a two-dimensional babe
14:08into a three-dimensional saddemus.
14:11Whoa!
14:13Ted, we must return the babe to the world.
14:16Yeah.
14:18You better use a lot of number 15.
14:21You are really pale.
14:23I know.
14:24Where I come from, you don't get much color.
14:29Are you from a northern region?
14:31I don't know.
14:32I don't know where I'm from.
14:34But it's nothing like sanddemus.
14:40Oh, hi, boys!
14:41Dude, she's wearing one of your mom's bathing suits.
14:44And it's totally too small on her.
14:47Quiet, Ted.
14:49The poor thing's going through a lot.
14:51Her boyfriend just got totally blown away.
14:54Oh, poor Johnny.
14:56He treated me like gold.
14:58Don't worry, Roxanne.
15:00There's plenty of room here.
15:02You can stay as long as you need to.
15:03But, Missy...
15:06I mean, Mom.
15:08You don't understand.
15:09She needs to go back.
15:11What Roxanne needs is time.
15:15It's a girl thing.
15:17William, would you rub some number four
15:19on the back of my thighs, please?
15:22Sure, Missy.
15:24I mean, Mom.
15:33Bill, I can't believe you rubbed number four
15:38on your mom's thighs.
15:41Shut up, Ted.
15:43Dude, perhaps it is best if we give Roxanne
15:46some time with Missy before we take her back.
15:49Most definitely, Ted.
15:51After all, only a babe can truly understand
15:53another babe's most non-triumphive feelings.
15:56If only dudes could be more like babes.
15:59Yeah.
16:01Wuss.
16:03Whoa!
16:07Bill, look at this!
16:09The black and white babe's boyfriend
16:10did not meet his most untimely demise.
16:13He was most fortuitously wearing his vest
16:14of life-saving leg.
16:16Ted, if we do not get Roxanne
16:18and her suitcase full of money back into the magazine,
16:22her boyfriend, dude, will truly cease to exist.
16:25It will totally be our fault.
16:28Whoa!
16:33Inside, dude!
16:34Yellow.
16:35Oh, I like yellow.
16:36Hey, thanks for listening to me.
16:37You're a real sweet kid.
16:38I'll never forget you.
16:39Missy.
16:40Missy!
16:41Oh, yeah, right, Missy!
16:42Missy!
16:43Where's Roxanne?
16:44There's only one cure for a heart as busted as hers.
16:47She's taken her suitcase full of money and gone off to see the world.
16:48No way!
16:49No way!
16:50No way!
16:52No way!
16:53No way!
16:54No way!
16:55No way!
16:56No way!
16:57No way!
16:58Oh, yeah, right, Missy!
17:00Missy!
17:01Oh, yeah, right, Missy!
17:02Missy!
17:03Oh, yeah, right, Missy!
17:04Missy!
17:05Where's Roxanne?
17:06There's only one cure for a heart as busted as hers.
17:10She's taken her suitcase full of money and gone off to see the world!
17:15No way!
17:16We are back!
17:17No way!
17:18No way!
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