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Have I Got News For You Us - Season 4 Episode 1 - Andy Richter, Janice Min
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00:00Welcome to Have I Got News For You.
00:22I am Roy Wood Jr.
00:23In the news this week,
00:26America's drunkest aunt makes wedding toast.
00:29All of you young people out there,
00:31keep having babies.
00:33All right, that's my message tonight.
00:34Terminator, sent back in time,
00:37fails to complete mission.
00:38I was the product of an unplanned teen pregnancy.
00:42U.S. Olympic ice dancing team takes shape.
00:45I'm invited!
00:46Why can't you please put it in?
00:51On Amber's team tonight,
00:53you know it from Conan.
00:54It's podcast Three Questions with Andy Richter
00:56and Dancing with the Stars tonight.
00:57He's gonna do some verbal dancing with these stars.
01:00Welcome back to the show, Andy Richter.
01:04Hello!
01:06And joining team Michael,
01:08she's an Emmy Award winner
01:10who's worked everywhere from the Hollywood Reporter
01:12to InStyle.
01:13Currently, she's the CEO and Editor-in-Chief
01:15of Ankler Media,
01:16but apparently she still won't introduce me
01:19to Holly Berry.
01:20It's Janis Mint.
01:21Let's do it in 2026.
01:27Now, for the biggest stories of the week
01:28for the first time this year,
01:30Amber, Andy, watch the clips.
01:32Okay.
01:32Tell me, what is the story?
01:35Okay, so Trump tries to clap on beat.
01:37He can't.
01:38Words too small for him to read.
01:40That's right.
01:41And, oh, man, the price of groceries.
01:43Oh, groceries.
01:43Oh, have they gone down?
01:45Oh, okay, yeah.
01:47It's a year of this Trump term,
01:50and we're in the shitter.
01:53You know, the shitter is a relative assessment,
01:56but I'll give you points.
01:58Yay!
01:59Yes.
02:00The story is,
02:01the first year of Trump's second term
02:02is behind us one down,
02:04only 39 more years to go.
02:06Uh, and this week,
02:09the president reminded us all
02:10that he literally wrote
02:12the book on accomplishment.
02:14These are all,
02:15each line is something that we did.
02:17Nobody did that before.
02:19And it's big stuff, too.
02:21Look, we have the hottest country in the world.
02:26I would certainly agree
02:28that nobody has done what he has done.
02:31I would agree with that.
02:33I would agree with that.
02:34He said he's accomplished some things
02:35in the first year.
02:36He's compiled them all into a book.
02:38Let's hear some of the accomplishments.
02:41And this is something...
02:42Ooh, I'm glad my finger wasn't in that sucker.
02:45They could have done some damage,
02:46but you know what?
02:47I wouldn't have shown the pain.
02:49I would have gone back.
02:50Wait, did you hear that?
02:51That was nasty.
02:54But I would not have shown the pain.
02:56I would have acted like nothing happened
02:58as my finger fell off.
03:00Are we sure his finger isn't falling off, though?
03:03That was obviously his first encounter
03:05with office supplies.
03:06I mean, people say that there aren't accomplishments,
03:10but if you want to see accomplishments
03:12under this term,
03:14just look at what the president has done
03:15with Washington, D.C.
03:17D.C. is now...
03:18You can walk right from here to a restaurant,
03:21right through the center of town.
03:22You can be with your child,
03:24with your loved one,
03:25with your lover.
03:28Your lover's not going to be killed anymore,
03:30so you can act like a real lover.
03:31Was he saying you could walk to a restaurant
03:35with your child,
03:37comma...
03:42It's not all binders full of accomplishments.
03:45According to a fact check by the New York Times,
03:48quote,
03:48falsehoods fueled Trump's first year back in office.
03:53What?
03:53Trump made a lot of promises
03:58to win the 2024 election,
04:00so we're going to do a little fact-checking
04:02to see what promises he kept
04:04and which promises he broke
04:06and whether or not it matters.
04:08First one,
04:09Trump was in Switzerland this week
04:11for the World Economic Forum,
04:13so let's start with the U.S. economy.
04:16Here's Trump on the campaign trail
04:18back in 2024.
04:19Starting on day one,
04:21we will end inflation
04:22and make America affordable again.
04:25It's not affordable now.
04:26People are dying.
04:28They can't afford bacon.
04:29They can't afford anything.
04:30That was terrible
04:31when people were dying
04:32from bacon starvation.
04:34That was terrible.
04:36Where are we now with inflation?
04:39Is America affordable again, Amber?
04:41Well, if affordable
04:43means hard to purchase,
04:47then yes, he really has.
04:49I mean, look who he surrounds himself with, right?
04:51Billionaires, the wealthiest people.
04:53Janice, I have to interrupt
04:54because you're talking about affordability
04:56and I keep staring at these gorgeous diamond earrings.
05:00Michael!
05:01What?
05:02I said they're gorgeous.
05:03They're embarrassing, man!
05:04In front of my new friend!
05:06They're gorgeous.
05:07That's what I said.
05:08I like gorgeous.
05:09Trump had that to say in 2024 about the economy.
05:11Let's see where we are right now.
05:13President Trump has still not made good
05:15on his day one promise to lower grocery prices.
05:18Despite his claims that they're going down,
05:20grocery prices actually rose.
05:232.4% for Americans over the last year.
05:26My judge of the economy
05:27is how many of my comedian friends on Instagram
05:30are now trying to sell themselves doing cameos.
05:35We are in the toilet.
05:38Andy, ask Michael if he's on cameo.
05:40Oh, oh!
05:44Now, let's be fair.
05:45The administration is still very hard at work
05:48on the economy, especially grocery prices.
05:51In fact, Agriculture Secretary Brooke Rollins
05:53went viral this month
05:54with some grocery price calculations of her own.
05:58Question?
05:59What daily meal does Agriculture Secretary Brooke Rollins
06:05say only costs $3?
06:09Two Costco hot dogs.
06:10Healthy meal.
06:11Oh!
06:12Wait, I saw it.
06:12One Costco hot dog.
06:15It was, she described it as
06:17a piece of chicken,
06:19a corn tortilla,
06:21a piece of broccoli,
06:23and something else.
06:27Let's hear it from Brooke.
06:29It can cost around $3 a meal
06:32for a piece of chicken,
06:34a piece of broccoli,
06:35um, you know,
06:35corn tortilla,
06:37and one other thing.
06:39What the fuck does this bitch eat?
06:42We said before the show
06:43we weren't gonna curse,
06:44and we...
06:44Oh!
06:46Let's start over.
06:48Let's start over.
06:49Okay, now we're not gonna cuss.
06:50And also,
06:51how do you go to the grocery store
06:52like,
06:52one floret?
06:53Let's start over.
06:54Let's start over.
06:55Now, the economy
06:57has always been one issue
06:58with the president
06:58in the first year.
06:59The other issue,
07:00some would say
07:01the biggest issue,
07:02is immigration.
07:03Now, ICE has their sights
07:05set on the state of Maine.
07:07Kristi Noem's DHS,
07:09they love to give
07:09little cutesy operation names
07:11to what ICE is doing.
07:12In North Carolina,
07:13it was called
07:14Operation Charlotte's Web,
07:16and in Florida,
07:17it was called
07:17Operation Tidal Wave.
07:19What is the new
07:20operation name
07:21for the immigration movement?
07:23That's gonna be happening
07:24in the state of Maine.
07:25Operation what,
07:26Epstein files?
07:31It's called
07:32Operation Catch of the Day.
07:35Wow.
07:35Oh, my God.
07:36Oh, fuck them.
07:37Ah, yes,
07:37because when you get
07:38a bunch of ICE agents together,
07:39it is known as a shrimp fest.
07:41Uh...
07:42So, Trump has kept
07:46some of his promises
07:47and broken others,
07:48and there's a binder
07:49full of accomplishments,
07:50but it's on the floor.
07:52Uh...
07:53Question.
07:54How has everything
07:55that Trump has either done
07:57or not done
07:57affected his popularity
07:59in his first year?
08:01Poorly, right?
08:0235% approval rating?
08:04Uh, here's, uh,
08:05CNN's Harry Enten,
08:06uh, breaking down
08:07how America feels
08:08about Trump right now.
08:10The only person
08:11who is even lower
08:13than Donald Trump
08:13when it comes to
08:14his net approval rating
08:15at this point
08:16into term number two
08:17is Richard Nixon.
08:18And according
08:19to those Epstein files,
08:20that's not the first time
08:21Trump's been under bubba.
08:23Oh!
08:24Um...
08:25Is it possible
08:32for the president
08:33to turn this around
08:34in his third term?
08:37Oh, my...
08:37I mean, you know,
08:40like, I think the thing
08:41that confounds me
08:42is, like,
08:43he's a lame-duck president,
08:44right?
08:45And you still have
08:46all the Republicans
08:48around him
08:49just terrified.
08:50I think it's terrifying
08:51to them to think
08:52that they're gonna, um,
08:54like, incur his wrath.
08:55And, I mean,
08:56there are things
08:56that have happened
08:57in our culture now
08:58where people are getting,
08:59like, judges are getting
09:00shot at their homes, right?
09:01Like, that, um,
09:02he will, like, run
09:04Marjorie Taylor Greene
09:05out of office.
09:05Like, it is...
09:06All right, so he's done
09:07some good things.
09:08No.
09:09His plan is to do
09:10whatever the two...
09:11he wants for four years.
09:14And then, right before
09:16the next election,
09:18he's going to offer everyone
09:20$1,700, like before.
09:23And then people are gonna be like,
09:24well, $1,700.
09:26Michael and Janice,
09:28watch the clip.
09:28Tell me, what is the story?
09:30Oh, there's that same guy.
09:32Yeah.
09:33Uh, I don't know what flag...
09:34Oh, is that Greenland's flag?
09:35Or Denmark's?
09:36I'm gonna say this is about
09:38Greenland's final answer.
09:41Points.
09:41Oh, yes.
09:43Yes.
09:44Trump says we need Greenland,
09:46quote,
09:47for the purpose
09:48of national security.
09:49Sure.
09:50He's been obsessed with Greenland
09:51since 2019,
09:52telling the Times journalist,
09:53quote,
09:53you take a look at a map.
09:55I love maps.
09:56And I always said,
09:58look at the size of this.
09:59It's massive.
10:01That should be a part
10:02of the United States.
10:03Why does Trump think
10:05Greenland is so huge?
10:08When he holds his hand
10:09up to the map,
10:10he's like, wow.
10:12Part of why Donald Trump
10:13thinks that Greenland
10:14is so damn big
10:15is because of something
10:16called the Mercator Projection.
10:17And it's a map-making distortion
10:18that makes Greenland
10:19look bigger than even Africa.
10:22Oh, my God.
10:22Even though, in reality,
10:24Africa is 14 times larger
10:26than Greenland.
10:28What?
10:28What made Trump so angry
10:29that Greenland
10:30became a priority for him?
10:31He wrote this fascinating message
10:34to the prime minister
10:36of Denmark,
10:37or Norway,
10:38saying,
10:38hey,
10:39you didn't give me
10:39the Nobel Peace Prize,
10:41so I guess I gotta take Greenland.
10:43Somebody texted
10:44the prime minister
10:45of Norway last weekend.
10:47Dear Jonas,
10:48considering your country
10:49decided not to give me
10:50the Nobel Peace Prize
10:51for having stopped
10:52eight wars plus,
10:53I no longer feel
10:54an obligation
10:55to think purely of peace.
10:57What is the problem
10:58with Trump's argument
10:58in that regard?
11:00He,
11:01he's the opposite
11:03of peace?
11:04The government
11:04of Norway
11:05does not give out
11:07the Nobel Peace Prize,
11:09as Norwegian prime minister
11:11Jona Garstor
11:12said in a statement,
11:13quote,
11:14I have clearly explained...
11:16That's my...
11:16That's my Norwegian accent.
11:18I like that.
11:19I have clearly explained,
11:20including to President Trump,
11:22what is well known.
11:23The prize is awarded
11:25by an independent
11:26Nobel Committee
11:27and not the Norwegian
11:28government.
11:30Stop fucking calling me, man.
11:33How do Greenlanders feel
11:38about maybe becoming
11:40the 51st state?
11:42Well, all 12 of them
11:44got together and said,
11:45uh-uh, no way.
11:47Here's a Greenlander
11:48explaining why Trump's plan
11:50is dumb as hell.
11:51Watch.
11:51We wouldn't give up
11:53free health care.
11:54We wouldn't give up
11:55free education.
11:56We don't really value cash
11:59and Kardashian lips
12:01and fake boobs
12:02and stuff like that
12:03very highly.
12:04Well, that's going too far.
12:06Why does she have to
12:07drag us like that?
12:08You know why they don't value
12:12vapid plastic surgeries
12:13up there?
12:14It's because everybody
12:15in a coat.
12:16You can't see that ass.
12:17But it all came to a head
12:20earlier this week
12:22at a World Economic Forum
12:23in Davos
12:24where Trump laid out
12:25his master plan
12:27for territorial expansion.
12:28Take a look.
12:29Everyone talks about
12:30the minerals.
12:31There's so many places.
12:32There's no rare earth.
12:34No such thing as rare earth.
12:35But there's so much rare earth.
12:38And this is to get
12:39to this rare earth.
12:40You settled other wars
12:41that were.
12:42Vladimir Putin called me.
12:44Armenian.
12:46Aber-Bajan.
12:48Do I have dementia
12:50or does he?
12:52You don't know
12:53about rare earth?
12:55Rare earth?
12:56You ain't never heard
12:57of rare earth.
12:57Rare, rare, rare, rare.
12:59Rare, rare, rare.
13:00It's so important
13:01these days.
13:02You gotta get that
13:03rare, rare, rare, rare.
13:04Question.
13:05Does anyone know
13:06what happened
13:07after Trump's speech
13:09on Wednesday
13:09that may have proven
13:11his strategy
13:11about Greenland
13:12right or wrong?
13:14Honestly,
13:14I have no idea.
13:16They negotiate.
13:16They started to negotiate,
13:18right?
13:19And Denmark kind of
13:20gave some concessions
13:22like you can come over here
13:23and we invite you
13:25to build some military bases
13:26that already exist.
13:27Plus some
13:28and then
13:29what else
13:30am I missing?
13:31Nothing.
13:31That's it.
13:32That's it.
13:32That's it.
13:33I mean...
13:34Here's CBS
13:35with the details.
13:36Based upon a very
13:37productive meeting
13:38that I have had
13:38with the Secretary General
13:39of NATO,
13:40Mark Ruto,
13:41we have formed
13:41the framework
13:42of a future deal
13:43with respect to Greenland
13:45and in fact
13:45the entire Arctic region.
13:47This solution,
13:48if consummated,
13:49will be a great one
13:50for the United States
13:51of America
13:52and all NATO nations.
13:54Why would you say
13:55consummate?
13:55Why can't you just say
13:56we did it?
14:00Is Greenland
14:01the 51st state
14:02officially now?
14:03Well, I mean,
14:03the stock market collapsed
14:04when he got aggressive
14:05about Greenland
14:06and then because Trump
14:07always has to present
14:08everything as a win,
14:10then the next day
14:11he can say
14:11there's a deal,
14:12you know?
14:12Here's NATO Secretary
14:14General Mark Ruto
14:15on Fox
14:16with the answer.
14:18Greenland still,
14:20is it still under
14:21the Kingdom of Denmark
14:23in this framework deal?
14:26That issue
14:27did not come up anymore
14:29in my conversations
14:29tonight,
14:30Mr. President.
14:31What's going on
14:31with the details?
14:32The details didn't come up.
14:33He also said
14:34in that too,
14:35he said,
14:35which he said this before,
14:36we have the framework
14:37of a deal.
14:38Oh, he said
14:38we have the framework
14:39for a future deal.
14:40Yeah, the framework.
14:41Framework just means
14:42an empty adult diaper
14:45of nothingness.
14:47But when talking
14:47about Trump,
14:48the adult diaper
14:49is rarely empty, Andy.
14:50Oh, my God.
14:54Details of the deal
14:55are scarce,
14:56but the reviews
14:56of Trump's time
14:58in Davos
14:59are pouring in.
15:01How do you think
15:01our friends
15:02at Fox News
15:03felt about
15:05Trump's appearance?
15:06They think
15:06he consummated
15:07that appearance.
15:11Here's Greg Gutfeld
15:12on the issue.
15:13Love him or hate him,
15:14when he leaves that room,
15:16everybody there
15:17felt like
15:18America First
15:19threw up
15:20all over them.
15:21I don't disagree
15:22with that analysis
15:23at all.
15:25And that's somebody
15:26who likes Trump.
15:27What did Trump
15:28launch this week
15:30to replace
15:31our international
15:33alliances?
15:34It's some fun name,
15:36like the peace police,
15:37the peace group.
15:38Peace posse,
15:39peace posse,
15:39final answer.
15:40On Thursday,
15:42Donald Trump launched
15:43the Board of Peace.
15:46Yes.
15:47Trump led
15:47a signing ceremony
15:49for the Board of Peace
15:50saying it would
15:50work on peace
15:52in the Middle East
15:53and hinting
15:54at wider ambitions.
15:55B-O-A-R-D
15:56or B-O-R-E-D?
15:58Oh, that's good.
16:01Are you
16:01Board of Peace?
16:04Hit him
16:05with a missile.
16:06Oh.
16:07So far,
16:08the countries
16:08that have accepted
16:09the invitation
16:10to join
16:11the Board of Peace
16:12include
16:13Bahrain,
16:15Azerbaijan,
16:16Bulgaria,
16:16Hungary,
16:17Kazakhstan,
16:18Kosovo,
16:18Mongolia,
16:19Saudi Arabia,
16:20and Uzbekistan.
16:21Oh, wow.
16:22Some good names
16:23on that.
16:23Sure, sure.
16:24We got Bahrain,
16:25we got Kosovo.
16:27Is it Azerbaijan?
16:27Yeah, yeah.
16:29Azerbaijan.
16:30Let's see
16:31how Trump
16:31pronounced it.
16:32Azerbaijan.
16:34Any foreign word
16:35out of his mouth
16:35sounds like
16:36a stripper name.
16:37Oh, my God.
16:39Please welcome
16:39to the stage,
16:41Azerbaijan.
16:41Azerbaijan.
16:42Azerbaijan.
16:45She stands
16:46in November rain
16:47by Guns N' Roses.
16:49It's Azerbaijan.
16:52Now,
16:52we know who's in,
16:53but which countries
16:54have denied
16:55to join
16:57the Board of Peace?
16:58Declined
16:58every other country.
17:00Several countries
17:01have declined
17:02Trump's invitation
17:03to the Board of Peace,
17:03including France,
17:05which resulted
17:06in Trump saying
17:07he would put
17:07a 200% tariff
17:09on wine and champagne.
17:11Yeah.
17:12You don't want to join
17:13my super friends,
17:14bitch?
17:15I'm going to tax
17:15all of that Ziffindale.
17:17Oh, my God.
17:18That was Ziffindale.
17:20Zinfindale?
17:20Zinfindale.
17:23Now,
17:24coming to the stage,
17:25Zinfindale.
17:32Welcome back.
17:36It is time
17:38for the Offend-o-meter.
17:39Teams have to tell us
17:40who's the offender,
17:41what they did,
17:42and who they offended.
17:43Let's see your offender,
17:44teams.
17:46Oh, that's Eric Swalwell.
17:47It is.
17:48And who did
17:49Eric Swalwell offend?
17:51Eric Spitwell?
17:52Put your hand up.
17:59Put your hand up.
18:03I'm going to go
18:03with Eric Spitwell.
18:06Swalwell offended
18:07congressional Republicans.
18:10Now, how did he offend?
18:12Oh, this one I know.
18:14He called them all liars
18:15and phonies because
18:17they make fun of Trump
18:19behind his back,
18:20but yet they insulted
18:22all the January 6th
18:24police that were there.
18:26Yeah.
18:26Points.
18:28Yeah.
18:30Spitwell is pretty good, though.
18:33Congressman Swalwell
18:35offended Republicans
18:40in Congress
18:41by calling them out
18:42in a congressional hearing.
18:44To their face,
18:44on Thursday,
18:45former special counsel
18:46Jack Smith testified
18:47before the House
18:48Judiciary Committee
18:49about his investigations
18:51into Trump.
18:52And during those hearings,
18:54Congressman Swalwell
18:55let his real feelings fly.
18:57My Republican colleagues
18:58are a joke.
19:00They're wrong.
19:01History will harshly
19:02judge them.
19:03These guys are so lucky
19:04they're not under oath
19:05because they would have
19:06to tell you
19:07what they really think
19:08of Trump.
19:09They call him crooked.
19:12They call him cruel.
19:13They call him a scumbag.
19:15I've heard you all say it,
19:16but when the lights go on
19:17and the cameras are on,
19:18you're tiny.
19:19You're small.
19:20You shrink.
19:23Just saying,
19:24this is a man
19:26trying to get elected
19:27to be governor
19:28of California now, right?
19:30So, like,
19:31has he been saying this
19:32all along
19:32or only in the campaign year?
19:34So what?
19:35I know.
19:36Let him say stuff like that
19:37that then gets put out there
19:39and then other people
19:40get brave enough
19:41to say shit like that.
19:42Points for that
19:42because no one's saying it.
19:43Yes, yes.
19:44Okay.
19:44Fair.
19:44But if he's ultimately
19:47trying to run on something
19:48that he just recently
19:49started platforming,
19:51does he seem sincere to you?
19:53Ain't none of them
19:54motherfuckers sincere?
19:55It's not up to this guy.
19:57Let him say the good thing
19:59we need this country
20:00to be doing.
20:01Let him have it.
20:02Let us at least hear it.
20:03Let it fall on my ears
20:04and bring me
20:05an ounce of joy.
20:07Yep.
20:08Now,
20:08what was the purpose
20:09of that hearing?
20:10Oh, it was Jack Smith.
20:11It was the final report
20:13on the January 6th stuff.
20:14Yes, yes, it was.
20:15The hearing was to review
20:16the work of Jack Smith's
20:17Office of Special Counseling
20:19and their investigation
20:20into one Donald Trump.
20:21And while the testimony
20:22was happening,
20:24Donald Trump threw
20:25one of his signature
20:26truth social temper tantrums
20:28saying things like,
20:30quote,
20:30deranged Jack Smith
20:31is being decimated
20:32before Congress
20:33and Jack Smith
20:35is a deranged animal
20:36who shouldn't be allowed
20:38to practice law.
20:40It's kind of a sign
20:42of progress
20:42that he taught
20:43a white man
20:44an animal.
20:45It's just nice
20:45to spread it around.
20:47Oh, my God.
20:48Now, question,
20:49uh, given Trump's
20:51measured thoughtful response,
20:53what do you think
20:54Jack Smith might have said
20:56during the hearing
20:58about the president?
20:59That bitch is a crook.
21:01Here's to former
21:02special counsel
21:03making one thing
21:04very clear.
21:06President Trump engaged
21:07in a criminal scheme
21:08to overturn the results
21:10and prevent the lawful
21:11transfer of power.
21:13President Trump illegally
21:14kept classified documents
21:15at his Mar-a-Lago
21:16social club.
21:17Our investigation
21:18developed proof
21:19beyond a reasonable doubt
21:20that President Trump
21:22engaged in criminal activity.
21:24That guy is deranged.
21:25Animal.
21:27Now, there were
21:28a lot of interesting things
21:29that happened at this hearing,
21:30but there was one key moment
21:32involving the Capitol Police,
21:33and before I play this clip,
21:35a question to the panel.
21:38If you had the chance
21:39to confront
21:40your mortal enemy
21:42at a congressional hearing,
21:45what would you say to them?
21:47I would say,
21:48go fuck yourself.
21:53I mean, I'm just spitballing.
21:56Or swallowballing.
21:59There's a moment in the hearing
22:01when Republican Congressman Troy Nail
22:03speaks directly
22:04to the officers
22:05who fought to protect
22:07members of Congress
22:08during the January 6th uprising.
22:11And, uh,
22:12let's just say those officers
22:13don't agree with him.
22:15I would like to quickly address
22:17the police officers
22:18on January 6th.
22:19I can tell you, gentlemen,
22:21that the fault
22:22does not lie
22:23with Donald Trump.
22:25It lies
22:26with Yogananda Pittman
22:27and the U.S. Capitol
22:29leadership team.
22:30We know,
22:32we know
22:32they had the intelligence.
22:38I thought you were kidding.
22:43I thought you were kidding me.
22:46Okay.
22:48Okay.
22:49Also,
22:50bonus points
22:52for covering his mouth.
22:54Could have been any.
22:55Because measles is back.
22:57It's going around.
23:03All right.
23:03Let's see your offender.
23:05Who's this?
23:06Oh, oh.
23:06Oh, that is a greasy child.
23:09Oh.
23:10Is that?
23:11Yeah, it's Brooklyn Beckham.
23:13Brooklyn Beckham?
23:14Yeah.
23:14Yeah, yeah.
23:15I just learned
23:16who this was this week.
23:17I'm so caught up
23:20in black people gossip,
23:21I just would slip
23:22through the cracks.
23:24I'm sorry.
23:24We're too busy
23:24having Tayana Taylor discourse
23:26in the black community
23:27right now.
23:28That is British media
23:29personality
23:30and a pot dealer
23:32in every after-school special.
23:35Brooklyn Beckham?
23:36Pull him back up again.
23:37Does he not?
23:38Yeah, yeah.
23:39Oh, my God.
23:41That's shiny Brad.
23:42He looked like
23:43the dude in the Lifetime movie
23:44who would walk up to the,
23:45where are you going, Olivia?
23:46Yeah, yeah.
23:48He's not abusive.
23:49He's just firm.
23:50Yeah.
23:50Where are you going?
23:53Who did Brooklyn Beckham offend?
23:56His parents.
23:57Mm.
23:58Yes, he did.
23:59Brooklyn Beckham
23:59offended his parents,
24:01Victoria and David Beckham,
24:03seen here saying,
24:04we saw you from across the bar
24:05and wondering if you...
24:07Wanted to know
24:09if you wanted to buy some Botox.
24:12For $1 million.
24:13So we know who he offended.
24:16How did Brooklyn Beckham
24:17offend you?
24:18I only know this story
24:19because my wife read it to me
24:20from her phone in bed.
24:21But, but like...
24:23That was exciting.
24:24But, Andy,
24:25like, no one understands it still.
24:27No one really understands
24:28what this is about.
24:29I'm not 100% sure what happened,
24:31but this is what I heard
24:32during lunch.
24:33Mm.
24:34The woman said
24:36that she wanted
24:37the first dance with her son.
24:39She danced with him
24:40inappropriately.
24:41Yeah.
24:41That made everybody feel bad
24:44and embarrassed her son.
24:45Brooklyn Beckham
24:46first took to Instagram
24:47earlier this week
24:48to share some truth bombs
24:50about the family.
24:51Mm.
24:52In an Instagram post
24:53that I can only describe
24:55as if War and Peace
24:56was somehow
24:57the introduction
24:58to an even longer book,
24:59he tears into his parents.
25:02He said all types of stuff
25:03in all of those swipes.
25:04He said things like, quote,
25:05my family values
25:07public promotion
25:08and endorsements
25:09above all else,
25:10and brand Beckham
25:11comes first.
25:13He's saying that basically
25:14the family only cares
25:15about making money
25:16on some Kardashian-type stuff,
25:18and I don't really think
25:18that's true
25:19because just a quick look
25:20shows that
25:21the Beckham family
25:22has only done ads
25:23for, you know,
25:25Bril Cream, Pepsi,
25:26Adidas,
25:26something called Vodafone,
25:28Uber Eats,
25:28perfume,
25:29watches, whiskey,
25:30skincare,
25:31a fashion line.
25:32I'm sorry,
25:32that's all we have time
25:33for to mention right now.
25:34Do they do cameos?
25:40Because that is
25:41the mark of desperation.
25:43Brooklyn went on
25:44in his Instagram post
25:45to say that his family
25:46was not happy
25:46with a particular person
25:48in his life.
25:49Who is that person?
25:50Andy Richter.
25:51Oh, the wife.
25:51Yes.
25:52It's Brooklyn's wife,
25:54Nicola Peltz-Beckham,
25:55seen her about to sneeze.
25:58Here's what happened
25:59at what was supposed
26:00to be the happy couple's
26:01first dance.
26:02My mom hijacked
26:04my first dance
26:04with my wife.
26:05Mark Anthony called me
26:07to the stage
26:07where my mom
26:08was waiting
26:09to dance with me instead.
26:11She danced
26:11very inappropriately
26:13on me
26:13in front of everyone.
26:14Danced inappropriately
26:15on me.
26:17Yeah, yeah.
26:18She was backing it up, dude.
26:20Yeah.
26:21It's actually
26:22kind of sweet
26:22for you to drag
26:23your entire family
26:25for your brand new wife.
26:27That's nice.
26:28Here's the Beckham's
26:29wedding DJ,
26:31Fat Tony.
26:34Here's Fat Tony
26:35earlier this week
26:36setting the scene.
26:37Mark Anthony
26:38was performing
26:38on stage.
26:40He then called
26:41Brooklyn onto stage
26:43where the next minute
26:44it was everyone
26:45was expecting
26:46it to be Nicola
26:47to go up
26:48and do the first dance
26:49and then he asks
26:50the most beautifulest
26:51woman in the room
26:52to come to the stage
26:53and then he says
26:55Victoria,
26:56come to the stage.
26:57I was expecting
26:58I heard fat.
26:59I was not expecting.
27:00He should be called
27:01Ozampictone.
27:04He was fat
27:05before he took
27:06all that E.
27:06My God.
27:09Where's the video?
27:11When do we see this?
27:12Now,
27:12the description
27:13is one thing
27:14but this is a moment
27:14you have to see
27:15to believe
27:16but unfortunately
27:17even TMZ
27:19claims that
27:19the wedding dance
27:21video will never
27:22be seen
27:23ever
27:24but that's what
27:25they think
27:26because here
27:26at Have I Got News
27:27for you
27:28we've obtained
27:29exclusive access
27:31to some salacious
27:34dance footage.
27:35Roll it.
27:45that was
27:55a fender meter
27:56and we'll be right back.
28:08Welcome back.
28:10It's time for
28:11Lie Curious.
28:12I give you
28:12three biographical details
28:14about a public figure
28:15but only one is true.
28:17You have to guess
28:18which is the truth
28:18and which are
28:19odious,
28:20unspeakable lies.
28:22Time now
28:22for three facts
28:23about recently
28:24promoted CBS News
28:25anchor and
28:26man who has
28:28the perfect Joe line
28:29Tony DiCoppo.
28:31Our facts are
28:32he bought a Pez
28:33dispenser in every state.
28:35His father was
28:36a marijuana kingpin.
28:37He's the reigning
28:38East Coast champion
28:40of How I Met
28:41Your Mother trivia.
28:42Wow.
28:43Which one is
28:44the truth?
28:45It's Pez.
28:45That jumped out
28:46to me too, right?
28:47Like that's such
28:48a nerdy news dude
28:49thing to do.
28:50Yes.
28:50Marijuana kingpin.
28:51Final answer.
28:52Marijuana kingpin
28:53over there.
28:53Pez.
28:54Pez.
28:54Tony DiCoppo's father
28:55was a marijuana kingpin.
28:57What?
28:57Yay!
28:58What?
29:01Yes.
29:02I'm 420 friendly.
29:03Oh my God.
29:05A marijuana kingpin
29:07or as NPR's
29:08Fresh Air
29:08so eloquently put it.
29:10If you smoked
29:11Colombian weed
29:12in the 1970s
29:13and 80s
29:14our guest
29:15Tony DiCoppo
29:16would like to thank you.
29:17He says you paid
29:18for his swim lessons
29:19and kept him
29:19in the best private school
29:21in South Florida.
29:22Oh my God.
29:23But don't worry
29:24even after serving
29:25a little bit of jail time
29:26DiCoppo's dad
29:27gets to enjoy life
29:28as he turns a question
29:29about the money
29:30he made selling weed
29:32into talking about
29:33what he's really into.
29:353 million maybe
29:364 or 5 million.
29:37Most of it
29:39he says
29:39went to feed
29:40his addictions
29:41to drugs
29:42and women.
29:43It was just fun
29:44I mean I love women
29:45I love to be around them
29:46but I never get a chance
29:48to do that
29:48so I'm estranged
29:50from them.
29:51In the present
29:52but you had a nice run.
29:54Oh my oh my.
29:57Oh my God.
30:00Say something
30:02when a man
30:03close his eyes
30:04to remember that thing.
30:06Oh that was a good one.
30:08He remembered her so well
30:10it made his mustache
30:11leave.
30:15Time for three facts
30:16about Minnesota Senator
30:17and a woman
30:18who isn't going
30:19to let you leave
30:20till you try
30:20her tater tot hot dish.
30:23Amy Klobuchar.
30:25The Senator
30:25was in the news
30:26this week
30:26when she filed
30:27paperwork
30:28to run
30:29for governor
30:29of Minnesota.
30:31Our facts
30:32about Amy Klobuchar
30:33are she carries
30:34jumper cables
30:35in her purse.
30:37She forbids
30:38anyone
30:39on her Senate
30:40staff
30:41from getting
30:42her hairstyle.
30:43Wow.
30:44She raised
30:44$17,000
30:46from ex-boyfriends
30:48for her Senate
30:48campaign.
30:49I like that one.
30:50Which one
30:51is the truth?
30:52Yeah, yeah.
30:52I want her
30:54to forbid people
30:55from getting
30:55her hair cut
30:56because that's fun.
30:58My eyes
30:58sort of went
30:58to number three.
30:59I agree.
31:00Maybe in the first
31:01Senate campaign
31:02she reaches out
31:02to her exes
31:03and they sent her
31:04a very little
31:05amount of money.
31:06Amy Klobuchar
31:07raised $17,000
31:09from ex-boyfriends
31:10for her
31:12Senate campaign.
31:14Here she is
31:15talking about it
31:15in 2019.
31:17I set a
31:18Senate record
31:19one year
31:20by raising
31:21$17,000
31:22from ex-boyfriends.
31:25I did that.
31:27Oh my God.
31:29Amy just calls
31:29you up.
31:30Hey Jimmy,
31:31it's Amy.
31:31He goes,
31:32hmm.
31:37How much
31:38you need
31:38there, huh?
31:43It's time
31:44for missing words.
31:47Here's your headline.
31:48Blank
31:49could protect
31:50your brain
31:51and prevent
31:51Alzheimer's.
31:53Helmets.
31:54What I want
31:55it to be
31:56is alcohol.
31:58Is it alcohol?
31:59Yeah, yeah.
32:00Roy,
32:01is it alcohol?
32:02Sniffing
32:03and your own
32:03farts.
32:04No.
32:06Could protect
32:07your brain
32:07and prevent
32:09Alzheimer's.
32:11Wow.
32:11I'm going to live
32:12forever.
32:17I like it.
32:19It's sniffing.
32:20Like,
32:21that's way more
32:21active than smelling.
32:23Sniffing,
32:23it means you liked it.
32:25Yeah, yeah, yeah.
32:25Oh my God.
32:26Yuck.
32:27The scientists
32:27gave mice
32:28Alzheimer's symptoms
32:29and then exposed
32:30them to a gas
32:31which we call
32:32hydrogen sulfide.
32:33It's what makes
32:34your farts
32:35fart.
32:35It's what makes
32:36it funky.
32:37Researchers observed
32:38that mice exposed
32:39to the gas
32:40regained better
32:41memory function
32:41and were physically
32:43more responsive
32:44than the control
32:45group.
32:46Can I just beg you
32:47to cut this
32:48from this episode?
32:49That's been
32:56Missing Words.
33:09It's time for
33:10Meet in the Middle
33:11where we find
33:11common ground
33:12between two different
33:13people who would
33:14never, ever
33:15be caught hanging out.
33:17Right on one side,
33:18we got Melania Trump,
33:19Jean Smart,
33:20Conor Story,
33:21and Kim Kardashian.
33:23And on the other side,
33:24Kamala Harris,
33:25Vladimir Putin,
33:26Mitt Romney,
33:27and Charlie Sheen.
33:29Can I just ask
33:30a clarifying question?
33:31This guy,
33:32is he from
33:32that heated rivalry?
33:33Is that who that guy is?
33:34Conor Story, yes.
33:35He's from that
33:36gay porn show
33:36on Netflix.
33:38It's a hockey show.
33:40Is it though?
33:42Yes.
33:43There's a lot of
33:44fucking.
33:44Melania.
33:47First up,
33:48we've got
33:48smokes bottles.
33:50Which two of these
33:51people have both
33:53advertised cigarettes?
33:55Melania?
33:56Was she in a cigarette
33:57commercial before
33:58she got here?
33:59That's a possibility.
34:00It's not good,
34:01and he don't need
34:02the money.
34:02It's not the hockey guy.
34:05He's just a hockey guy.
34:07Yeah.
34:08I think it's Jean Smart
34:09and Charlie Sheen.
34:10I also like
34:11your idea
34:12that Melania
34:12may have done
34:13cigarette commercials
34:14in Azerbaijan,
34:16Slovenian Salems,
34:18if you will.
34:19Right.
34:19Let's have Melania.
34:21For the black Russian.
34:23The only thing is...
34:24We're going to go
34:28with Melania
34:28and Putin.
34:29Charlie Sheen
34:30and Melania Trump.
34:32Wow.
34:33That's right.
34:33Those have been
34:35in ads for cigarettes.
34:36Melania appeared
34:37in a 1997 print ad
34:40for Camel Cigarettes.
34:41Wow.
34:41And Charlie Sheen
34:43appeared in a Japanese ad
34:45for Parliament Cigarettes
34:46in the early 90s.
34:47Please watch.
34:48Yes.
34:49Yes, please.
34:49Why everything's
34:51the same
34:53as it was.
34:56That's so glamorous.
34:57So glamorous.
34:59Next up,
35:00we've got
35:00Hexy Grandmas.
35:02Which two of these people
35:03descended from
35:04accused witches
35:05at the Salem Witch Trials?
35:07Oh.
35:09My eye went
35:10right to Mitt Romney.
35:11Yes.
35:12That seems right,
35:13doesn't it?
35:14He's got some witch in him.
35:15And then I want
35:15to go with Jean Smart.
35:16Let's go with Jean Smart.
35:17I would do Jean Smart.
35:17I think Mitt Romney
35:18is right.
35:19Yeah.
35:19And I think it is
35:20Connor, what's it?
35:22Yeah, Connor Cutie.
35:23Mitt Romney
35:24and Jean Smart.
35:26Wow.
35:26They won again.
35:28Both descended
35:28from accused witches.
35:31Mitt Romney
35:32is a descendant
35:33of accused witch
35:34Rebecca Nurse.
35:35Oh, she was
35:36the worst of them.
35:36Would anybody
35:39like to guess
35:39the name
35:40of the accused witch
35:42that Jean Smart
35:43descended from?
35:45Oh, imagine
35:45if it was
35:46Hannah Einbinder.
35:48That'd be cool.
35:50The accused witch
35:51that Jean Smart
35:51is descended from
35:52was named
35:53Dorcas Whore.
35:55That's the Latin name
36:04for a slutty nerd.
36:08Here's Jean
36:09learning about
36:10great-grandma whore.
36:12What we have here
36:13is a document
36:13that explains
36:14items that are
36:15suspected to be stolen
36:17by Dorcas Whore,
36:18your eighth
36:19great-grandmother.
36:20Whoa.
36:21A well-grown pig.
36:22A well-grown...
36:24Does that mean
36:24just a big pig?
36:25Yeah.
36:27Cat burglars.
36:28I come from
36:29cat burglars.
36:30That sounds like
36:31a Hogwarts stripper.
36:33Yeah, yeah.
36:34I'm coming to the stage,
36:36Dorcas.
36:36Dorcas.
36:38All right, let's do
36:41flaw in order.
36:42Which two of these
36:43people have both
36:44failed the bar exam?
36:46Oh.
36:46Well, we know Kim
36:47did.
36:47Kim Kardashian.
36:47Yeah, many
36:48did.
36:48Famously.
36:49Famously.
36:50And it has to be
36:51Kamala Harris.
36:53Putin has never
36:54failed at anything
36:54in his life.
36:55No, no.
36:56In Russia,
36:57bar fail you.
37:00Kim Kardashian
37:01and Kamala Harris
37:02have both failed
37:03the bar exam.
37:05You can read
37:05all about it
37:06in Kamala's book.
37:07Don't you pin
37:07this shit on me.
37:08It wasn't my fault.
37:08And because she
37:13is a Kardashian,
37:14there is footage
37:15of the exact
37:16moment Kim
37:17found out she
37:18failed.
37:24I didn't make it.
37:25How do you know?
37:26How do you know?
37:27It says fail.
37:30She's the sharpest
37:31knife in that drawer.
37:33We didn't get to
37:34Conor Story and
37:34Vladimir Putin,
37:35but they both do
37:36a Russian accent
37:37and they both have
37:38too many pictures
37:39without their shirts
37:40on.
37:41Go after the break.
37:50I'm not going to
37:51pass the news.
37:53Welcome back.
37:54It's time for
37:54Which is Higher?
37:56Teams, I'll give you
37:56two unrelated numbers
37:57from the news.
37:58You tell me
37:59which is higher.
38:00All right.
38:01The number of women
38:02who have served
38:03on the Supreme Court
38:04since its creation
38:05in 1789
38:06or the number
38:08of men
38:09who have hosted
38:09Family Feud.
38:11Oh, wow.
38:11That's great.
38:12Okay, so let's
38:13get down to business.
38:15Steve Harvey.
38:16Richard Dawson.
38:17Richard Dawson.
38:18The guy with the
38:19gap tooth.
38:20Louie Anderson.
38:21Ray Combs.
38:22Ray Combs.
38:23Yeah, Ray Combs.
38:25Oh, and Richard
38:26and Richard Kahn.
38:27Did he?
38:27Oh, Richard Kahn.
38:29Now from Home Improvement.
38:31It might be a tie
38:32because I think
38:33there's five women,
38:34right?
38:34Sandra Day O'Connor,
38:36Kagan,
38:37What's-Your-Face Brown.
38:39And Steve Harvey.
38:40Sotomayor.
38:41And Steve Harvey.
38:42I think it's five.
38:43And Comey Barrett.
38:44The number
38:45of female
38:45Supreme Court
38:46justices is six.
38:48Six.
38:49Sandra Day O'Connor,
38:50Ruth Bader Ginsburg.
38:51Ginsburg.
38:52Sonia Sotomayor.
38:53Ginsburg.
38:54Ellen Kagan.
38:55Amy Coney Barrett
38:56and Ketanji Brown Jackson.
38:58The number
38:59of Family Feud
39:00hosts
39:00is seven.
39:02Oh.
39:04Richard Dawson.
39:06Ray Combs.
39:07Louie Anderson.
39:08Richard Kahn.
39:09What is that?
39:10John O'Hurley.
39:10John O'Hurley.
39:11Steve Harvey.
39:13And Al Roker.
39:14Al Roker?
39:15When?
39:16When did that happen?
39:17Al Roker did
39:18about two years
39:19of Celebrity Family Feud.
39:20No way.
39:21That doesn't count.
39:22It's the feud.
39:24It counts.
39:25That doesn't count.
39:26This is CNN.
39:26We're about facts.
39:27All right.
39:29Did you ever do
39:29Celebrity Family Feud?
39:30You did Jeopardy?
39:31Yes.
39:32We did Celebrity Family Feud
39:33and we lost
39:34and my wife
39:35didn't speak to me
39:36for a week.
39:37What?
39:39Question to the panel.
39:40Who's your all-time
39:40favorite Family Feud host?
39:42It is Steve Harvey.
39:44Steve Harvey
39:45crushes them all.
39:48I like Steve Harvey
39:48because he like
39:49make you feel good
39:50even with a dumb guest.
39:52It's okay, player.
39:53Nobody else guessed it
39:54but you believed in yourself.
39:57Y'all didn't win
39:58no money at all
39:59but it's okay, big dog.
40:01I don't know.
40:02We can always argue
40:03who the best host was
40:04of Family Feud
40:05but I think we all know
40:06who the favorite
40:08contestant was.
40:09A Family Feud.
40:11Everybody
40:12let's go meet
40:13the Ruffin family.
40:15Let's go.
40:16Thank you so much
40:17for asking me
40:18Steve Harvey.
40:18I've never made love
40:20in a blank.
40:21Bed.
40:22Bed?
40:23That's right, bed.
40:25I'm sorry.
40:27Oh my God.
40:28Look at his face.
40:30He was not having
40:32my shit at all.
40:34That was Witches Hire.
40:44It's time for a new game
40:46we call
40:47Who's That Baby?
40:49I'll show you
40:50a famous person's
40:51baby picture
40:52and you tell me
40:53who that baby?
40:55Here are your clues.
40:56They're part of a shipping
40:57and railroad dynasty.
40:59They had cameos
41:01in the movie
41:01Chappy and Batman
41:02vs. Superman.
41:04And they're not
41:05a big drinker
41:07except famously
41:08once a year.
41:09Oh, Anderson Cooper.
41:11Anderson Cooper.
41:12Oh.
41:13That baby
41:14is Anderson Cooper.
41:16Yay.
41:17That was Who's That Baby?
41:19I want to thank our guests
41:20Andy Richter,
41:21Janice Lynn,
41:22and of course
41:23thank you to our team
41:25captains Amber Ruffin
41:26and Michael Ian Black.
41:28Before we sign off
41:31here are a few more stories
41:34we're watching.
41:35Jamiroquai announces new tour.
41:41Congratulations to the makeup team
41:43from Frankenstein
41:44for their well-deserved
41:46Oscar nomination.
41:51I'm Roy Moore Jr.
41:52and I'll see you next week
41:53on another episode
41:54of How I Got News For You.
41:55And it's been 38 days
41:56since I last shaved my beard.
41:59Good night.
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