00:00And the winner is...
00:02Tommy Wu!
00:08You like me! You really, really like me!
00:11Too bad I don't like you!
00:13You lazy American loser! Your SAT scores suck!
00:16Hey! Unlike your show, we don't have 30 minutes!
00:19Now scram!
00:25Let's get on with the next award for you!
00:27Get out of my bed!
00:28The next award is for Outstanding Achievement by a Physically Repellent Infomercial Host.
00:34Now, our first nominee is Lori Davis, who should order Susan Powders...
00:38Stop the Insanity Weight Loss Table!
00:40Our second nominee is Susan Powder, who could benefit from Lori Davis' hair care system.
00:45Our third nominee is Jane Kendi, who should try Jane Kendi's California Diet.
00:50And the winner is...
00:52Susan Powder and Lori Davis!
00:54I'd like to thank everybody out there with bad problem hair, who's made Lori Davis' hair care system such a success!
01:08I'd like to thank all the desperate obese women out there, who have decided to stop the insanity and suck in their money!
01:16That's a real nice haircut, honey! Look at the tennis ball with a head!
01:18Excuse me, aren't you talking to me, shampoo?
01:20Yes, I am!
01:22You know, you have real pretty eyes!
01:26You're pretty good looking for a big gal!
01:28The first annual infomercial award, coming next week on FUNCE!
01:36You're welcome!
01:37You're welcome!
01:38You're welcome!
01:39You're welcome!
01:40You're welcome!
01:41You're welcome!
01:42You're welcome!
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