Harold and the Day Everything Changed

zay

Harold and the Day Everything Changed tells the story of an ordinary man whose life takes a sudden and unexpected turn. Filled with humor, charm, and classic cinematic moments, the film follows Harold as he navigates a world that no longer feels predictable. What begins as a simple day becomes a journey of surprises, self-discovery, and unforgettable encounters.  A timeless comedy-drama that captures the spirit of change, resilience, and the absurd beauty of everyday life.

Transcript

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00:08:36I want to see you.

00:08:37What?

00:08:38I want to see you as soon as you get through college.

00:08:39Why?

00:08:40You have what it takes.

00:08:41I want to see you as soon as you get through college.

00:08:42I want to see you as soon as you get through college.

00:08:43You have what it takes.

00:08:44We need your spare to my business.

00:08:46I have a big future for you.

00:08:47You cannot fail.

00:08:48Don't forget.

00:08:49Who are you?

00:08:50I didn't quite catch today.

00:08:51I want to see you.

00:08:52You may not look just like you.

00:08:58You may not look just like you, but I am.

00:08:59I want to do it.

00:09:00Oh.

00:09:01I can't wait for it.

00:09:02I want to see you again.

00:09:07Well.

00:09:08I want to wait for you.

00:09:09I'm going to wait for your job to do it.

00:09:12I'm going to see you again.

00:09:14I'm going to see you again.

00:09:15That is a good play.

00:09:16Well, I, uh, I should say, I do remember.

00:09:23I should certainly hope to kiss a pig if I didn't.

00:09:26Now, let me see.

00:09:27That was football, wasn't it?

00:09:28Or was it ice hockey?

00:09:29I go to everything.

00:09:30Football, Mr. Wagaberry.

00:09:31Football, of course.

00:09:33And I presume I promised you a job.

00:09:35I usually do when I get excited.

00:09:36Oh.

00:09:37But you shall have it.

00:09:39With me, your promise is a sacred pledge.

00:09:41My word is my bond.

00:09:42My handshake is like a certified check.

00:09:44My check is like a...

00:09:45He who loses honor loses everything.

00:09:48Right.

00:09:50We don't start people at the top, you understand.

00:09:52That would be too easy.

00:09:53We do it the American way.

00:09:55We give them an opportunity to work up from the bottom.

00:09:58What satisfaction.

00:10:00What a feeling of accomplishment you will have

00:10:02when you are able to look back from whatever rung of the ladder

00:10:05your, uh, go-gettiveness would have placed you upon

00:10:08and say, I, I did that.

00:10:11Yes, sir.

00:10:12Fine.

00:10:13You know nothing about the advertising business at all.

00:10:15I presume?

00:10:16Well, I, uh...

00:10:18Good!

00:10:19Then you won't have anything to unlearn.

00:10:21You'll be able to start right in the basement

00:10:23and your rise will be all the more spectacular.

00:10:26Every man is the architect of his own fortune.

00:10:29Excellent.

00:10:30I have ideas.

00:10:32You could almost say bursting with them.

00:10:34But contain them.

00:10:35Save them.

00:10:35Don't squirt them all out at once.

00:10:37The, uh, the idea department is a little congested at the moment.

00:10:40It always is for that matter.

00:10:42There never seems to be any shortage of, uh...

00:10:44Oh, but that would only depress you.

00:10:46I'll tell you what I'm going to do for you.

00:10:48I'm going to find you a little nook in the, uh,

00:10:51the bookkeeping department.

00:10:52A regular little niche.

00:10:54You could almost call it a cranny.

00:10:56The rest will depend upon you.

00:10:58Well, thank you very much.

00:11:00But these ideas...

00:11:00How I envy you this chance you're receiving today.

00:11:04My, my father unfortunately left me the business.

00:11:06Oh.

00:11:07Just one of those things.

00:11:09You have no personal fortune, I hope.

00:11:10Well, no, sir.

00:11:11I, uh...

00:11:12Great!

00:11:13And probably only the clothes you stand in.

00:11:14Well, not exactly.

00:11:16I mean, this isn't my other suit.

00:11:18Oh, isn't it?

00:11:18No, sir.

00:11:18Well, no matter.

00:11:20Clothes do not make the man.

00:11:21On the contrary, as Shaffner said to Marx,

00:11:24it's man who makes the clothes.

00:11:26Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha

00:11:56Let's go.

00:12:26Mr. Dittle, Doc.

00:12:28Yes, will you?

00:12:29Mr. Boss, I'd like to see you.

00:12:31Oh, me?

00:12:32Oh.

00:12:33Either way.

00:12:36Oh.

00:12:37Oh.

00:12:38Oh.

00:12:39Oh.

00:12:40Oh.

00:12:41Oh.

00:12:43Oh.

00:12:44Oh.

00:12:45Oh.

00:12:46Oh.

00:12:47Oh.

00:12:48Oh.

00:12:49Oh.

00:12:50Oh.

00:12:51Oh.

00:12:52Oh.

00:12:53Oh.

00:12:54Oh.

00:12:55Oh.

00:12:56Oh.

00:12:57Oh.

00:12:59Oh.

00:13:01Oh.

00:13:03Oh.

00:13:06Oh.

00:13:20Come in.

00:13:39You won't see me, Chief?

00:13:42You won't see me, Chief?

00:14:13Yes, I'm sorry to say I do, Harold.

00:14:16Oh.

00:14:17How long have you been with us, little boss?

00:14:20Twenty years, I guess. Twenty-two years.

00:14:23Too long.

00:14:24Why, it seems like yesterday to me. I mean that I started here.

00:14:28Well, it was quite a few yesterdays ago. The earth has cooled considerably since you put on your first pair of sleeve protectors outside there.

00:14:35Yes, I guess it has.

00:14:37And so have you, Harold. So have you.

00:14:41I don't know exactly what you're talking about. I may be a little older, but I'm quite sure that I...

00:14:46I had great hopes for you, little boss.

00:14:48If ever I saw a promising type of American youth, full of zing, full of zest, full of zowie, it was you.

00:14:53I remember that day I first saw you. The bases were full. The crowd was breathless.

00:14:57You strutted up to the plate, swinging three bats at once.

00:15:01What?

00:15:02Oh, no. It was hockey, wasn't it? Ice hockey, of course. You got the puck. And it... it wasn't?

00:15:08Well, what does it matter anyway at this point?

00:15:11A man is only as young as his arteries, Harold. And a firm is only as young as its employees.

00:15:16My father fired anyone who got to be 50. Man, woman, or child, it didn't matter to him.

00:15:20That was his motto. The cornerstone of its success.

00:15:23Personally, I found the method harsh. I do not subscribe to it.

00:15:26With me, a man is as young as his ideas.

00:15:29Yes, sir.

00:15:30I even participated in, or at least closed my eyes to, a small deception some of the older employees practiced.

00:15:36When? Because my father was extremely nearsighted, they dyed their hair and returned to work for us as their own sons.

00:15:42Blessed...

00:15:43Of course they are. Unfortunately for you, Harold, my own eyes are excellent.

00:15:48You have not only ceased to go forward, you have gone backward.

00:15:51You have not only stopped progressing, you have stopped thinking.

00:15:54You not only make the same mistakes year after year, you don't even change your apologies.

00:15:58You have become a bottleneck.

00:16:00You are the living proof of the low quality of work we demand of our employees,

00:16:05and a bad example to the younger employees who figure that if you can get away with it, they can too,

00:16:09and they don't have to be any better than you are, which is zero.

00:16:12What?

00:16:13There are no buts. I have bought you a Swiss watch, 18 carats at Chimes.

00:16:18It is properly inscribed with gratitude and love and kisses for 20 years, devoted to service and so forth and so forth,

00:16:25and I herewith present it to you.

00:16:27Here is also a check for $2,946.12, which represents your savings deposited with the company.

00:16:39I am surprised you haven't saved more in 20 years.

00:16:41I had a lot more, only it was invested in the preferred stock of the company,

00:16:45and you remember what happened in 1929.

00:16:47Oh, yes, yes, I remember.

00:16:49Of course, it was just as hard on all of us.

00:16:51You know, the little and the big we all shared and shared life,

00:16:54but that's all water under the bridge.

00:16:56Goodbye and good luck.

00:16:57And as a parting thought, I want you to know that this is hurting me much more than it is you, Harold.

00:17:02Much more.

00:17:03Thank you very much.

00:17:05Goodbye.

00:17:06Don't let it get you down.

00:17:10It was football.

00:17:11Huh?

00:17:12It was football I used to play.

00:17:14Sorry, Harold.

00:17:15Thanks.

00:17:16Like that in cash, please.

00:17:17What's the matter?

00:17:18Don't you trust us anymore?

00:17:19Once bitten, twice shy.

00:17:20I'll have to get the back of this.

00:17:21It's all good.

00:17:22You're welcome.

00:17:23You're welcome.

00:17:24You're welcome, sir.

00:17:25You're welcome.

00:17:26Not even if you are.

00:17:27You're welcome.

00:17:28You're welcome, Harold.

00:17:29You're welcome, Harold.

00:17:30It's all good.

00:17:31You're welcome, Harold.

00:17:32I'm sorry, Harold.

00:17:34Thanks.

00:17:35Like that in cash, please.

00:17:36What's the matter?

00:17:37Don't you trust us anymore?

00:17:39Once bitten and twice shy.

00:17:41I'll have to get it out of the safe.

00:17:43I'll bring it over to your desk.

00:17:44Thank you, Charlie.

00:17:45You'd better buy a wig.

00:17:46Huh?

00:17:47Why?

00:17:47You'll find out.

00:18:02Here we are, Harold.

00:18:06Thanks, Charlie.

00:18:10Justin Dossett.

00:18:29Thanks, Harold.

00:18:30So long, Charlie.

00:18:32Thank you, Charlie.

00:19:02Oh, my God.

00:19:32Oh, might I speak to you a moment, Miss Otis?

00:20:01Certainly, Mr. Diddlebock.

00:20:03You mean privately?

00:20:05Well, with some privacy.

00:20:06I'd look for something in the private cabinets.

00:20:08I never find any of them anyway.

00:20:09Splendid.

00:20:10I'll join you in a moment.

00:20:31Miss Otis, uh...

00:20:33Yes, Mr. Diddlebock?

00:20:36Miss Otis, when your eldest sister, Hortense, came to work here some 17 or 18 years ago,

00:20:43I fell in love with her.

00:20:44She was a lovely girl.

00:20:46Yes, I know.

00:20:47I mean that you fell in love with her.

00:20:48She told me.

00:20:49Oh.

00:20:49She swept me off my feet.

00:20:52My circumstances at that time did not permit even the contemplation of marriage.

00:20:56I know.

00:20:57She told me.

00:20:57Well, when she very wisely stopped waiting for me and married the gentleman whose life

00:21:02she has since illuminated, I felt that my own life was ended, that I would never love

00:21:08again, that the sunshine had withdrawn permanently behind the clouds.

00:21:12I know.

00:21:13Well, I was mistaken.

00:21:14Of course.

00:21:15Because when your next eldest sister, Irma, came to work here, I fell even more deeply

00:21:19in love with her than I had with Hortense.

00:21:21I know.

00:21:21She told me.

00:21:22Hortense even got a little burned about it.

00:21:24Well, she needn't have, because when Irma and her turn got married and was replaced by

00:21:28your next eldest sister, Harriet, I felt that everything that had gone before was merely

00:21:34an appetizer.

00:21:36I know.

00:21:36She told me, too.

00:21:37They were getting better and better.

00:21:39Your mother seemed to be making them nicer every year.

00:21:43I haven't come to you yet.

00:21:45When Harriet ran away with that headstone salesman, I was inconsolable.

00:21:49None of us felt very good about it.

00:21:51I was going to propose the very next day.

00:21:53She didn't know that.

00:21:54I had the ring in my pocket.

00:21:56I just made the last payment on it, the one I'd started for Hortense.

00:21:59You came so close.

00:22:01I never felt so defeated in my life.

00:22:03I never thought I'd smile again.

00:22:05You didn't even know it, Margie.

00:22:06That's right.

00:22:07She was even better than the others.

00:22:10Murder had more practice.

00:22:11Practice makes perfect.

00:22:13By then, of course, I'd been wiped out in the market.

00:22:15Was that it?

00:22:16She never knew.

00:22:17That's right.

00:22:18I started to get on my feet again when your sister Claire came to work.

00:22:22Why didn't you ask her?

00:22:23Didn't you like her?

00:22:24Like her?

00:22:26I worshipped her.

00:22:27Only that irresponsible lout.

00:22:29That loafer who married my sister chose that very moment to kick the bucket with, to pass

00:22:35on without leaving even a dime's worth of insurance.

00:22:40So I found myself with a ready-made family.

00:22:44Poor Mr. Littlebock.

00:22:45I suppose you were in love with Rosemary, too, while she was here.

00:22:48Naturally.

00:22:49Of course, I was so in the habit of being in love with your mother's daughters, but then

00:22:52that it would be impossible for me to even see one without, without...

00:22:56Without what, Mr. Littlebock?

00:22:59I presume you know I've adored you since the first morning you punched your first time card.

00:23:08You knew it, didn't you?

00:23:09Well, I, I suspected it.

00:23:11My sisters had warned me.

00:23:12Of course.

00:23:14Imagine being exposed to seven Miss Americas and muffing the whole seven of them.

00:23:20Poor Mr. Littlebock.

00:23:21I'm leaving here today.

00:23:24Oh, no, Mr. Littlebock.

00:23:25That's what I really wanted to tell you.

00:23:26I don't know where I'm going, and I very probably won't see you again.

00:23:30So I want you to take this.

00:23:34It's all paid for.

00:23:36Someday when you meet some young man who's really worthy of you and who has everything

00:23:43but the engagement ring, you can take that excuse away from him anyway, and...

00:23:49Well...

00:23:51Well...

00:23:51Let's go.

00:24:21Oh, my God.

00:24:51Oh, my God.

00:25:21Confidentially, I left my money on the dresser this morning when I was leaving.

00:25:25You couldn't let me have $4 on...

00:25:27I say, you couldn't let me have four...

00:25:31You couldn't let me have $4 till Wednesday.

00:25:34That's my lucky day.

00:25:35There's a man called Futschore running at Belmont.

00:25:37And you don't have to go if you can't spare it.

00:25:39I just said if you happen to have $4 you wasn't using until Futschore come in...

00:25:43The fool and his money are soon parted.

00:25:45Yeah, but think what beautiful memories he lays up.

00:25:47How about $2 till tomorrow?

00:25:50He who lendeth money ended friendship.

00:25:52Well, that's all right.

00:25:53We ain't friends.

00:25:54I never even seen you before.

00:25:56Well, that's a fine argument.

00:25:57How about a quarter for a race informant?

00:25:59This is day before yesterday.

00:26:01Oh, here, since you're so melancholy about yourself.

00:26:05Fishhooks?

00:26:06What?

00:26:06I say, maybe you'll caught your mitt in some fishhooks.

00:26:09Holy Moses.

00:26:10Westerner, huh?

00:26:14Oh, here.

00:26:16What's the difference?

00:26:17Holy mackerel, you're a right guy.

00:26:19You stick to me, you'll be wearing rubies.

00:26:21No, I'm not.

00:26:21It's just that I've been saving it for 20 years, and I'm getting tired of it.

00:26:24It's what you call an impulse.

00:26:25Like a man works all his life in a glass factory,

00:26:28well, one day he feels like picking up a hammer.

00:26:32You say you work in a glass factory?

00:26:33No, I didn't say that at all.

00:26:35It's just, oh, well, you wouldn't understand.

00:26:38But you needed a drink.

00:26:39Oh, no, I never touch it.

00:26:41I never have.

00:26:41It runs in my family not true.

00:26:43The demon rum.

00:26:43Let me tell you what I'm going to do.

00:26:44Since you've been so generous and all with me.

00:26:46No, no, I tell you, I have never in my whole life.

00:26:49You're never too old to learn.

00:26:50You can't teach an old dog new tricks.

00:26:52Every dog is entitled to one bite.

00:26:54Let sleeping dogs lie.

00:26:55A barking dog never bites.

00:26:57He who sleepeth with dogs rises with fleas.

00:27:00Now, wait a minute.

00:27:01How about a little wine for thy stomach's sake?

00:27:04That's from the good book.

00:27:06He who hesitates is lost.

00:27:08Lipstick, touch liquor, shall never touch mine.

00:27:11Eat, drink, and be merry.

00:27:13The priest and the prophet have urged through strong drink.

00:27:16They are swallowed up of wine.

00:27:18They are out of the way through strong drink.

00:27:19They err invasion.

00:27:20They stumble in judgment.

00:27:22Isaiah 28.

00:27:23You've got me.

00:27:26What kind of a drink would you suggest?

00:27:29Nothing too strong, of course.

00:27:30How deep is your trouble, brother?

00:27:33How did you know I was in trouble?

00:27:35Well, I've been around quite a lot of them.

00:27:38I hear you.

00:27:39Did you ever hear of a Texas tornado?

00:27:41Not till this moment.

00:27:42Oh, you'll be surprised and amazed.

00:27:45Right this way.

00:27:46What?

00:27:46Come on.

00:27:47Wait a minute.

00:27:48Oh, come on.

00:27:49I shouldn't be going.

00:27:50Sure.

00:27:50Down in there.

00:27:51I mean, I should.

00:27:52Oh, come on.

00:27:52Don't flash that roll in here.

00:28:02I wouldn't want anything to happen to it.

00:28:03A wise man keepeth his own counsel.

00:28:05Fine.

00:28:06Come on.

00:28:14Come on.

00:28:15Come on.

00:28:22Good morning, gents.

00:28:27Good morning, Warby.

00:28:27What's your pleasure?

00:28:28Jake, I want you to meet my friend, Mr.

00:28:30He staked me to a bankroll.

00:28:31Well, Pauline, he must be new around here.

00:28:33This calls for a little celebration, Mr.

00:28:35Diddlebock.

00:28:36Harold Diddlebock.

00:28:37Diddle what?

00:28:38Diddlebock.

00:28:39Bock is in beer.

00:28:40Oh, I thought you said Diddlebock.

00:28:41Is it Buckwheat Kate?

00:28:42No, I didn't.

00:28:44Brother Diddlebock, uh, back.

00:28:46What's the matter with me?

00:28:47Bock.

00:28:47Oh, yeah, buck.

00:28:48He's in some kind of trouble.

00:28:49Who is he?

00:28:50He's about to have his first drink.

00:28:51His first drink?

00:28:52I've drowned my kittens.

00:28:53This is quite a moment.

00:28:55You mean his first this morning, or really his first ever

00:28:57and ever since he was weaned?

00:28:59I have never partaken.

00:29:00Now that I've had time to think about it, I don't...

00:29:02Yes, sir.

00:29:03You never know how the other half lives.

00:29:04You aroused the artist in me.

00:29:06It was just an impulse.

00:29:07Well, obey that impulse.

00:29:08Why don't you have a cigar?

00:29:09Have a cigar?

00:29:10Sir, I'd like to make you something.

00:29:15Something you would remember.

00:29:16I wouldn't want anything.

00:29:18I mean, if I had anything at all, nothing potent.

00:29:20You understand?

00:29:21You'll never feel it.

00:29:22I was thinking of a Texas tornado.

00:29:24Oh, not for an occasion like this, were we?

00:29:27A tornado's a perfectly reliable commercial drink for conventions

00:29:30and hangovers and things like that.

00:29:32But this, this is almost, uh, is the word vestal?

00:29:37Huh?

00:29:37I mean, it ought to have organ music.

00:29:39I wouldn't want anything.

00:29:40I mean, opportunities like this come along all too rarely

00:29:43for a man with his heart and his work.

00:29:45Uh, tell me, Mr. Dittlebeck, about, uh, where were you born?

00:29:50Uh, up, Nebraska.

00:29:52Corn.

00:29:53In what year, please?

00:29:54Nineteen hundred and one.

00:29:56Fine, fine.

00:29:57They distilled some very palatable stuff in 1901.

00:30:02Well, let me see.

00:30:03Let me see, uh.

00:30:04I wouldn't do this for everybody.

00:30:16I wouldn't want you to.

00:30:17Hey, you leave it to me.

00:30:18You just leave it to him.

00:30:22Nineteen hundred and one.

00:30:23Nineteen hundred and one.

00:30:25And a sort of meeting of old friends.

00:30:27Brothers under the stars.

00:30:30It ought to help your personalities to get together.

00:30:33Or don't you believe in astrology?

00:30:34I've never thought much about it.

00:30:36If you're making that for me...

00:30:36You believe in personalities.

00:30:38I suppose so.

00:30:39How about posterity?

00:30:41What?

00:30:42Posterity is just around the corner.

00:30:44Now, just a couple of technical questions.

00:30:46Would you like it frappe or flambé?

00:30:49How?

00:30:50You like ice skating or Turkish bands?

00:30:51I used to skate a little.

00:30:53Frappe.

00:30:55Now, would you like it sweet or sharp?

00:31:10I don't really...

00:31:11How do you take your coffee?

00:31:12I, uh, take milk.

00:31:13You've answered my question.

00:31:19You prefer showers or six bands?

00:31:21Well, we have a shower over the tub,

00:31:23but there's always a danger stepping on the soap.

00:31:25Vodka.

00:31:26What?

00:31:26With vodka, you don't care what you step on.

00:31:28You can step on snakes.

00:31:29Now, wait a minute.

00:31:30Now, just relax.

00:31:31One final question.

00:31:33Do you prefer the taste of rosemary or wormwood?

00:31:35Who or who?

00:31:36Do you like benedictine or absinthe?

00:31:38What?

00:31:39What kind of toothpaste do you use?

00:31:41Sosidone.

00:31:42I got you.

00:31:46If that's for me, you just leave it to him.

00:31:49What a scientist.

00:31:50Ain't that pretty?

00:31:51I wouldn't want anything to, uh...

00:31:53They call him the professor.

00:31:55You just leave it to him.

00:31:57Oh, boy.

00:31:58Gentlemen.

00:31:59The Dittlebock.

00:32:00Ain't he wonderful?

00:32:02A genuine genius.

00:32:03Certainly very kind of you.

00:32:05Don't mention it.

00:32:06If you don't mind, I'll sample a mouthful with you.

00:32:09Well, I certainly hope you will after mixing up this much.

00:32:12The artist does not weigh his clay.

00:32:15You're of very good health, Mr. Dittlebock.

00:32:17Here, see you, Mr. Dittlebock.

00:32:26Ain't that something, if I do say so myself?

00:32:29That's certainly very kind of you.

00:32:31I'm only sorry that you made so much of it.

00:32:35Certainly the last thing I ever expected

00:32:37was to have an alcoholic refreshment named after me.

00:32:39Very attractive aroma.

00:32:51Very mild.

00:32:53Nothing to it.

00:32:54I wouldn't say that.

00:32:55But it has always seemed to me

00:32:56that the cocktails should approach us on tiptoe,

00:32:59like a young girl whose first appeal is innocence.

00:33:03What a poet.

00:33:05Here's to innocence.

00:33:06Bottoms up.

00:33:08Over your ears.

00:33:09Oh, boy!

00:33:10Oh, boy.

00:33:14Oh, boy.

00:33:15Doggone it.

00:33:15If he didn't inhale, I'd like an expert.

00:33:17Welcome to the Brotherhood.

00:33:19Is that all there is to it?

00:33:20You are now a member in full standing.

00:33:22That's very, very pleasant.

00:33:24Just a little dividend.

00:33:26Just a drop.

00:33:28You'd never guess that you'd make

00:33:30so many different flavors in it.

00:33:32Like a poem.

00:33:33I suppose there is some alcohol in this.

00:33:36I will not deceive you.

00:33:38There is.

00:33:39You'd never know it.

00:33:40That's where the skill comes in.

00:33:43What a scientist.

00:33:46There ain't hardly another mixer in town

00:33:48could do your thing like that.

00:33:50Oh, boy.

00:33:58Lovely.

00:33:59Just like Delbert.

00:34:01What was that yelling?

00:34:02Did you hear something just the end?

00:34:06To innocents.

00:34:08And still more innocents.

00:34:11What is...

00:34:12What is...

00:34:13You know, just beginning and all.

00:34:18It ain't as if anyone ever drank a fiddle box before.

00:34:20You can't tell what it'll do to you.

00:34:22This lemonade.

00:34:26Shake up another batch of it.

00:34:28Shake up a bucket of it.

00:34:28Oh, wait a minute.

00:34:29What are you talking about?

00:34:34What are you looking at?

00:34:35Oh, maybe nothing.

00:34:37Hurry it up.

00:34:41What is that yelling I keep hearing?

00:34:46Say, is somebody strangling a horse around here?

00:34:48You know, I thought I heard something.

00:34:50Everything's under control, Mike.

00:34:51It was like a sneeze, and yet it wasn't like a sneeze.

00:34:54It was more like, uh...

00:34:57What's the matter?

00:34:59Won't you have a little drink while you're here?

00:35:00No, thanks.

00:35:01Not while I'm on duty.

00:35:02The, uh, diddle box isn't really a drink.

00:35:04Diddle what?

00:35:05It's just a little thing I invented in Brother Diddlebox's honor.

00:35:08It's, uh, more like a fruit cup, really.

00:35:10A fruit cup with sex appeal.

00:35:12Thanks.

00:35:12It's the same.

00:35:14Very fine fellow.

00:35:15One of the finest.

00:35:16Here it is again.

00:35:23I could have sworn I heard something.

00:35:25I suppose I didn't end up in that time.

00:35:27I'm very glad you noticed it, because I did too.

00:35:29Yeah, don't tell me.

00:35:30I've been telling these boys about it, but they're not sure.

00:35:33To me, it sounded like a cross between a Mongolian lynx and a wounded moose.

00:35:37Have you ever hunted the Mongolian lynx?

00:35:39I have not.

00:35:40How about a wounded moose?

00:35:41Likewise.

00:35:42You're probably better off.

00:35:43Why don't you give the gentleman a drink instead of letting him stand there with his tongue hanging out?

00:35:46Look, before your tongue starts hanging out, you better lay off a couple of them diddle pots.

00:35:51A fine thing at 11 o'clock in the morning.

00:35:53Who's he talking to?

00:35:54You?

00:35:55Now, wait a minute.

00:35:55Everything...

00:35:56Just a moment, officer.

00:35:57My friend may be small, but I want you to know that he's got a heart of gold, and I won't hear one word against him.

00:36:02You understand?

00:36:03When I was in the depths of desperation, the dregs of despair, who befriended me?

00:36:08Not E.J.

00:36:09Waggleberry and company.

00:36:10Not the fellow employees besides whom I toil for 22 years and whose sorrows I seared.

00:36:16Who wouldn't?

00:36:17Not the Metropolitan Police Force whose salaries I have paid and whose uniforms I have purchased to keep them warm in winter,

00:36:23cool in summer, and fresh at all times.

00:36:27But young, smaller befriended, when befriended men are nothing.

00:36:31You understand?

00:36:32You handle him.

00:36:33Ha!

00:36:34Wait a minute.

00:36:38I just saw it.

00:36:39So what?

00:36:40The fellow doing the yelling.

00:36:41He's hiding behind the post there.

00:36:42Probably an escape room to take.

00:36:44I don't see anybody, Mr. Dittlebock.

00:36:45What do you mean you don't see anybody?

00:36:47You can't see that old crackpot with the spectacle?

00:36:49Why, that's you, Mr. Dittlebock.

00:36:50Me?

00:36:51That old tramp?

00:36:52Why, that doesn't look anything more like me.

00:36:54Look at that collar.

00:36:55Looks like a horse collar.

00:36:56Oh, it ain't so bad, Mr. Dittlebock.

00:36:58How long have I been looking like this?

00:36:59You've always looked like that, Mr. Dittlebock, at least ever since I've known you.

00:37:03Why, this is an outrage.

00:37:04Look at that old scarecrawl.

00:37:05Look at that suit.

00:37:06Look at that hat.

00:37:07Look at that face.

00:37:09Oh, it ain't so bad as all that, Mr. Dittlebock.

00:37:11It's worse.

00:37:12Why wouldn't trust a face like that to empty a spittoon?

00:37:14Oh, yes, you would, Mr. Dittlebock.

00:37:16Are you positive that's me?

00:37:18Two will get you 12.

00:37:19Then where is there a barber and a jet furnishing outfit?

00:37:22This is a calamity that must be repaired immediately.

00:37:26Right upstairs, Mr. Dittlebock.

00:37:28Only I'll...

00:37:28Only what?

00:37:29Don't you think you'd better sit down a little while?

00:37:30Sit down?

00:37:31Why should I sit down?

00:37:32Do I look tired?

00:37:33That's the trouble with the men of today.

00:37:35They don't enjoy.

00:37:36They have no stamina.

00:37:38Look at our forefathers.

00:37:40Look at Washington.

00:37:41Look at Valley Forge.

00:37:43Look at the pioneers.

00:37:44Then look at me.

00:37:46Hey, are you a barber?

00:37:48I'm looking for one.

00:37:48Yes, but excuse me.

00:37:50Is there a leopard loose in the building or something?

00:37:51Everything is under control.

00:37:55Men were men in those days.

00:37:58Here, buy yourself a new suit.

00:38:00You look terrible.

00:38:01They mined the earth and dug the rivers and tamed the wilderness

00:38:06and brought forth peaceful homesteads in the shadow of the eagle

00:38:10and the echo of the thundering herd.

00:38:14And in the final analysis, where are they?

00:38:16I ask you and I reply, dead, my friends,

00:38:21deader than a boiled mackerel.

00:38:24I thank you.

00:38:27Are you all right?

00:38:28A barber and a tamed, a barber and a tamed, a barber and a tamed.

00:38:30A barber and a tamed.

00:38:31A barber and a tamed.

00:38:32A barber and a tamed.

00:38:37You better remember what you put in that show.

00:38:39It won't happen again.

00:38:40What's the matter with this?

00:38:42Should all acquaintance be forgot for the sake of auld lang syne?

00:38:53Now, if you'll just sit into this, Mr. Diddlebuck.

00:38:57That wouldn't be a little on the quiet side, would it?

00:38:59Yes, I think you're right.

00:39:00Hide not skylight under a bushel.

00:39:02You need a tent to hide that one.

00:39:04Well, then we'll try this little Glenn awkward plan.

00:39:06Well, murder.

00:39:08Well, now, Mr. Diddlebuck indicated to me that he wanted something courageous.

00:39:12I made this for a dog act.

00:39:13I can hear it barking.

00:39:15Very clever.

00:39:17I bet they have to get up pretty early in the morning to catch you in bed.

00:39:20It's been tried.

00:39:21Uh-oh.

00:39:24Well, now, suppose we try this little pinstripe.

00:39:27Why?

00:39:28Well, we just thought, the young baby and I, that this was a smidgen on the loud side.

00:39:32A mild view.

00:39:33Oh, you did?

00:39:34It's the check within the check within the check that turns my stomach.

00:39:37Oh, it is.

00:39:38How true.

00:39:39Hello, Max.

00:39:40How depressingly true.

00:39:42Who's the toss-butt?

00:39:43That's my friend, Mr. Diddlebuck.

00:39:45Now, that would call for a waist measurement of about 32.

00:39:48Oh, excellent.

00:39:50I'll be back in a flash and you won't know yourself.

00:39:54Well, so long.

00:39:55Better luck next time.

00:39:56Just a moment.

00:39:57Why are you giving that lowbrow your money?

00:39:59Lowbrow?

00:40:00Now, wait a minute.

00:40:01Now, here.

00:40:02Wait a minute.

00:40:03This is Max, the bookies man.

00:40:04Don't you remember that goat I was betting on?

00:40:06This goat?

00:40:07Listen, Chester.

00:40:08No, no, no.

00:40:09Put you or he lost.

00:40:10Why do you bet on goats?

00:40:11You want to bet on something?

00:40:12Bet on horses.

00:40:13They run faster.

00:40:14Yes, sir.

00:40:15Now, who are the contestants in the next sprint?

00:40:17Let's see.

00:40:18Windipane.

00:40:19Butcher Boy.

00:40:20Senor Pepito.

00:40:21Oxnose.

00:40:22Pepper Pot.

00:40:23Crazy Maisie.

00:40:24Gilly Joy.

00:40:25These handles.

00:40:26Pulpit.

00:40:27Pulpit.

00:40:28Pulpit.

00:40:29Caterpetal.

00:40:30And Emeline.

00:40:31Did you say Emeline?

00:40:32Yeah, Emeline.

00:40:33Devoid of speed.

00:40:34Probable odds.

00:40:3530 to 1.

00:40:36Emeline was my mother's mother's mother's mother.

00:40:38And you say this animal lost?

00:40:39Totally.

00:40:40I see.

00:40:41Well, now is the time to turn defeat into victory through a clever maneuver.

00:40:43You don't tell me.

00:40:44Oh, yes.

00:40:45She's a little shorter than mother, though.

00:40:46A little plumper, too.

00:40:47But a very pretty girl.

00:40:48That's remarkable.

00:40:49Avoid her like poison.

00:40:50She had the prettiest blue eyes.

00:40:52But she's 30 to 1.

00:40:53But no bookie pays more than 15 to 1.

00:40:54I'll take 15.

00:40:55Don't you understand what odds mean?

00:40:56I think so.

00:40:57They represent a difference of opinion.

00:40:58Right.

00:40:59Well, my opinion is Emeline.

00:41:00She must be a beautiful goat.

00:41:02I mean, if she is a beautiful goat.

00:41:04I mean, if she is a beautiful goat.

00:41:06She's a horse.

00:41:07Oh, well, all the better.

00:41:08They run faster.

00:41:09I don't want to hurry, isn't I?

00:41:10But if anybody still wants to get her bet down.

00:41:11I get 15 to 1 for Emeline.

00:41:13Especially if she wins.

00:41:14$1,000.

00:41:15$1,000.

00:41:16$1,000.

00:41:17$1,000.

00:41:18You mean on the nose?

00:41:19Wherever you put it.

00:41:20Now, wait a minute.

00:41:21Take it easy, will you?

00:41:22Don't get excited.

00:41:23It's nothing but a symbol that costs practically nothing to print.

00:41:34There is no shortage of it at any time.

00:41:36Don't do that, Mr. Dittlebock.

00:41:37You have to take chances in this life.

00:41:39Will you take a grand on Emeline?

00:41:40I don't have to take those kind of chances.

00:41:41You don't do that, Mr. Dittlebock.

00:41:42What are you doing on the nonsense?

00:41:44You didn't know Aunt Emeline.

00:41:47I've got to go right back to you.

00:41:48I've got to go right back to me.

00:41:49Mr. Dittlebock.

00:41:50I've got to get the other sweet care of my hand,

00:41:52I've got to go right here in my midst.

00:41:54Here, put it in my midst.

00:41:55Are you sure?

00:41:56No, I'd say.

00:41:57I wish you would change.

00:41:58The die is cast.

00:41:59Of course, it ain't any of my business, but you're sure you don't want to think this

00:42:02over?

00:42:03Certainly not.

00:42:04When the iron is hot, strike.

00:42:05Mark, I don't know.

00:42:06Obey that impulse.

00:42:08Okay, it's your funeral.

00:42:10Okay.

00:42:11I tell you, I've got it right here in my midst.

00:42:14Can't you hear it?

00:42:16You made a bet.

00:42:17Maybe not the best bet in the world, but a bet.

00:42:19They're off.

00:42:20I can hear the short wave.

00:42:21Senor Pepito going to the front by your head.

00:42:24Winterpane second, Crazy Major third.

00:42:26Pitcher Boy fourth, and the Pupo Caterpedal.

00:42:28Let me hear that.

00:42:29A thousand bucks.

00:42:31Keep quiet.

00:42:31Let me hear that, will you please?

00:42:33Around the chain.

00:42:34It's the torpedo in front by three quarters of a length.

00:42:37Winterpane a second by your head.

00:42:39Crazy Major third by your head.

00:42:41At the quarter, it's Winterpane by your head.

00:42:43And here we are, Mr. Diddlebox.

00:42:45I just brought a few accessories in case the length is very good.

00:42:50Now, if you'll just slip into these, Mr. Diddlebox.

00:42:52Certainly.

00:42:54Would you mind glancing the other way, your dear?

00:42:56With pleasure.

00:42:57Oh.

00:42:59With your permission, Mr. Diddlebox.

00:43:00The Pupo Caterpedal got through on the inside and is going to the...

00:43:02Crazy Major fourth, she's swearing to the Pupo Caterpedal on the rim.

00:43:05Like the skin on her feet.

00:43:08All this noise.

00:43:09Possibly a change of shirt, Mr. Diddlebox.

00:43:11This one.

00:43:12By all means.

00:43:13Now, if you just slip your coat off, Mr. Diddlebox.

00:43:15Winterpane got through on the outside.

00:43:16Crazy Major ran wide and bit him.

00:43:19What?

00:43:20She's crazy.

00:43:21Now she's back at the rail in front by a length.

00:43:23And there we are.

00:43:24Very nice.

00:43:25Coming up between horses.

00:43:26They're clearance for home.

00:43:27It's Crazy Major by a length.

00:43:29Pupito will take you by half a length.

00:43:30This.

00:43:31No.

00:43:32No.

00:43:33No.

00:43:34Crazy Major ran wide and get it.

00:43:36No.

00:43:37No.

00:43:38What?

00:43:39Here comes Emeline.

00:43:40Emeline!

00:43:41They're coming up between...

00:43:42Here comes Emeline.

00:43:43They're coming up between...

00:43:44Here comes Emeline.

00:43:45It's a driving finish.

00:43:46They're noses apart.

00:43:47They're going across the line.

00:43:48They're finished now.

00:43:49And it's Emeline!

00:43:50Emeline!

00:43:51Emeline wins!

00:43:52Hard dog!

00:43:53Hard dog!

00:43:54Hee ook!

00:43:57He dah!

00:44:04Here!

00:44:05Yeah!

00:44:06He sure was.

00:44:08This was 17.

00:44:19He's always tired.

00:44:23Mr. Wake up, wake up you nasty thing.

00:44:44A fine brother you turned out to be.

00:44:46I work and slave and give up the best years of my life to make you a home full of charming

00:44:50home full of charming womanly touches and keep my children pure-minded as a reward for all this you

00:44:55come rolling home at midnight in the condition which i for one so late about midnight yes but

00:45:01where were you all day wednesday all day wednesday all day wednesday you were drunk that's where you

00:45:06were drunk as is probably rolling in a gutter someplace all day wednesday what are you talking

00:45:12about flora i never had a drink in my life coming home on horseback horseback waking up all the

00:45:17neighbors on horseback and when all mrs chauncey called out the window the night was made for

00:45:21sleep mr biddlebox you and your drunken friends had to holler back the night was made for love mrs

00:45:26chauncey or have you forgotten i said that then it you sang where's my suit well you came home in this

00:45:32thing what is it a horse blanket it would look as good on a horse as it did on you you mean i actually

00:45:40walked the streets in this you rode horseback in the streets in it wonder if anybody saw me oh no of

00:45:45course not you probably didn't attract any more attention than lady godiva in macy's window at

00:45:50noon form fit franklin featuring the figure phenomenal foreign fit i wonder if i get my

00:45:56money back on it you could try but i doubt it you might see what you can get on this while you're at it

00:46:03oh take it off will you i feel bad enough as it is and a fortune i had thousands

00:46:09i had all my savings in one bit wait a minute i had tens of thousands you had tens of thousands

00:46:16and you i did where are my pants maybe you threw them out the window i tell you i had a fortune in

00:46:21them you had a fortune in them and where did you acquire this fortune may i ask if i'm not too

00:46:25inquisitive is there such a thing as a goat race a goat race no i remember it was mother you say mother

00:46:31was racing somewhere that's right were there any other angels in the race it was a horse race you know what a

00:46:36horse is don't you what's the matter with you clara first i bet on a horse called emmeline you

00:46:41remember aunt emmeline she won easily naturally then i took the fifteen thousand dollars i bet on

00:46:45emmeline fifteen thousand dollars that's right she paid fifteen to one i took the fifteen thousand

00:46:49dollars i bet on aunt emmeline and better than on mother on birth of b birth of beer and hopper you

00:46:55remember your own mother's name don't you yes and she won too easily i presume you must be on the

00:47:01millions you presume i seem to remember a big fat man someplace where there was some very pretty girls

00:47:09dancing the tom tom and slinging their garters around oh i see it this big fat man big hearted

00:47:16mower was generous jake he was always smiling he had a big happy smile like a shark he had it right in

00:47:21his pocket for him he said all in cash all he had to do was reach right in and pull it out he said that's

00:47:26right but the government didn't want anybody to have that much in case that was it it wasn't

00:47:31patriot for him that's right when i said i suppose that's why they want you to put your money in bonds

00:47:36he said bonds brother diddlebock when they say bonds they mean investments and have i got an investment

00:47:43for you brother diddlebock and what was it i don't remember well i'll tell you what it was brother

00:47:50diddlebock it was a drunkard's dream the horses were nightmares and the money is just something you never

00:47:56had and they're never going to get by the little box because you're just an old failure so just get

00:48:00into your clothes and go down to the office and walk in as though nothing had ever happened and

00:48:03probably you'll find nothing did happen what about wednesday flora what was i doing all day wednesday

00:48:08don't tell them you had a cold they probably had grunts working for them before i just don't believe

00:48:12it flora if i could only find those pants

00:48:19hmm oh boy now you'll see whether it was a dream or not whether i never made any money or never will

00:48:26just feast your eyes on that well that's certainly funny

00:48:51good morning sir good morning

00:48:56shall i follow you sir or will you hop in now you're talking to me by all means sir i said

00:49:01shall i follow you or will you hop in now uh just a moment why should i ride in that thing well it's

00:49:06your cab sir you bought it last tuesday my cab you mean including the horse most assuredly sir

00:49:13how else would we propel it well what i use for money why you had tons of it sir and you were most

00:49:19generous and i spirited with it too if i may make so bold i was positively sir took me back to the good

00:49:25old days it was a gorgeous spectacle why hardly anyone could render you of a slight of service

00:49:31without you pressing a 50 or at least a 20 into his eager hands i almost thought once or twice you

00:49:37overdid it sir excuse me you didn't happen to notice what i did with any of that money did you or

00:49:41even some of it oh you were most free with it sir the women were at your feet sir if i may make

00:49:46the difference of both they were prostrate sir absolutely horizontal the weaker sex simply adore

00:49:53a generous man excuse me you wouldn't like to buy this vehicle back in the bargain would you

00:49:58i could let you have it very reasonably including the horse and the whole but you've already paid me a

00:50:03much wages sir and you gave me to understand the position with permanence i really hate to disappoint

00:50:08you but wait a minute you don't happen to know whether a horse called birth of b1 on tuesday do you

00:50:13By all means, one rather easily, I believe, in 201.

00:50:16Then what did I do with it?

00:50:18You mean the tale?

00:50:19Yes, and where was I all day when?

00:50:21You mean where weren't we, sir?

00:50:23Oh, it was like the good old days.

00:50:26You'd say Algernon?

00:50:27Your name's Algernon.

00:50:28My name's Thomas, sir, but you had difficulty in remembering it.

00:50:31You called me Algernon James Macbeth, and even Othello once or twice.

00:50:36Excuse me, but...

00:50:37Morning, Mr. Dindlebuck.

00:50:39I thought you'd be over there, but since you wasn't, I'd come over here.

00:50:41Morning, Hamlet.

00:50:42Good morning, Wormy.

00:50:43Now, before you do anything else, you've got to see about getting them some breakfast.

00:50:47Getting them some breakfast?

00:50:48They would like to have their breakfast immediately, if not sooner.

00:50:51Who would like to have their breakfast?

00:50:52The lions.

00:50:53You know anything about any lions?

00:50:55I rejoice to say I do not, sir.

00:50:57The lions have come with a circus.

00:50:59I've been out there for two days.

00:51:01What an aroma.

00:51:02Just what circus are you alluding to?

00:51:04Your circus, and it ain't no illusion.

00:51:06My circus?

00:51:07Who in heaven's name ever gave you the idea that I had a circus?

00:51:11Who ever gave me the idea?

00:51:13You sent me out to take care of it, didn't you?

00:51:15Right in the middle of the party, didn't you?

00:51:17Just when I'm getting in good with this big blonde, I got to beat it out to Queens.

00:51:20Guess in time for an elephant to squirt a bucket of ice water in my kisser, and for one of them

00:51:24cats to...

00:51:25Well, never mind.

00:51:25Where the how in heaven's name did I ever get a circus?

00:51:28Lucky Leopold gave it to you instead of the dough you won from him, while Bill Hitchcock

00:51:33lost his circus to him.

00:51:34Then I did win on Bertha B.

00:51:36Oh, sure, for all the good it done you.

00:51:38You said you had always wanted it, circus.

00:51:40I did.

00:51:40You did, and you have.

00:51:41You sure got your wish.

00:51:42I see.

00:51:43And we have many hungry mouths to feed.

00:51:46Oh, we have.

00:51:47I was hoping it was just a small lion act or something.

00:51:49Maybe one lion and a couple of trained birds, maybe.

00:51:52One lion.

00:51:53I just mentioned the lions first because they were yelling the loudest.

00:51:56We got 37 lions.

00:51:5837?

00:51:59Yes, 37.

00:52:00We also got 14 tigers.

00:52:0214 tigers?

00:52:03That's right.

00:52:04Also, seven bears, some odd jaguars, and a puma.

00:52:07A puma?

00:52:07And what a puma?

00:52:08That's the one...

00:52:09Look, we got horses, a shettling ponies.

00:52:12Never mind.

00:52:12Where'd you say this Noah's Ark is located?

00:52:14Over the bridge in Queens.

00:52:15Then what's the joker?

00:52:16Why did I get it?

00:52:17What's wrong with it?

00:52:18Oh, nothing, except we ain't got no tent to give the show in.

00:52:21You gotta have a fireproof tent, and you can't get a fireproof tent.

00:52:24And we owe six months feed bill and four months back salary.

00:52:27And there's a plaster on every piece of rolling stock and a hapus corpus on the whole work.

00:52:33Now, how would you feel about repossessing your circus at a fraction of its original cost?

00:52:45I'd like to be 9,000 miles away from it, home in the arms of my mother.

00:52:50I see.

00:52:51I could make you an exceptionally attractive offer.

00:52:53You couldn't make me an attractive offer.

00:52:56Not if you got down your bended knees and threw in a set of dishes.

00:52:59I see.

00:52:59You don't, but you will.

00:53:01The only reason I hung around as long as I did and gambled away my steak was because they were so hungry.

00:53:06And you don't find many people takes pity on a lion.

00:53:09That's right.

00:53:10You got any idea how much meat a lion?

00:53:13Not a monarch of the jungle.

00:53:15Just a small, ordinary lion like, uh, like, uh, oh, like that one there.

00:53:20Come here, Jackie.

00:53:21What?

00:53:21Come here.

00:53:22Jackie.

00:53:23Come up here.

00:53:23You got any idea how much a lion eats per day?

00:53:27I, I, I haven't the slightest idea.

00:53:3021 pounds.

00:53:32Mmm.

00:53:33Per day.

00:53:34Quite, quite, quite, quite a pet.

00:53:36Yeah.

00:53:36Like a kid.

00:53:37Of course, you don't get any choice cuts.

00:53:40Just ordinary meat.

00:53:42But then they don't exactly give it away, either.

00:53:44Hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi.

00:53:45I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't.

00:53:47Now you multiply 21 pounds per day by 37 lions, 14 tigers, and 9 jaguars.

00:53:56And a pupuma.

00:53:58And a pupuma.

00:53:59Then you multiply that by 30 days by September, April, May, and November.

00:54:06June.

00:54:07Yeah, whatever it is.

00:54:08But all the rest have 31, and that means one more big deal.

00:54:12Except February alone, I mean only 28 pounds.

00:54:15I see, did you ever try selling them to a big circus, Ringling Brothers?

00:54:23Did you ever try selling pills to Carter?

00:54:26Go on, wait, Jackie.

00:54:27Yes, how about offering some of them to the zoo?

00:54:30Well, they offered me some of theirs.

00:54:32You did, huh?

00:54:33Yeah.

00:54:34Well, a circus must be really quite a white elephant.

00:54:36I'm glad you brought that up.

00:54:38Have you got any idea how much an elephant eats in, oh, say a week, hot or cold, rain or shine?

00:54:4552 weeks a year, regularly.

00:54:47I haven't the slightest idea.

00:54:49Well, not counting the peanuts, or the 150 pounds of bran, or the 200 pounds of oats,

00:54:56or the 50 gallons of pure spring water they drink to wash it down with,

00:55:00can your mind envision a ton of hay?

00:55:02A ton?

00:55:03A haystack.

00:55:04Of hay?

00:55:06Alfalfa.

00:55:06Why, that's impossible to die of indigestion.

00:55:09Nothing can eat a ton of hay.

00:55:10An elephant can with ease.

00:55:12Now, let me tell you about the hippopotamus.

00:55:14The hippopotamus does not, as you might suppose, live on a diet of water.

00:55:21Oh, hello, Gus Lab.

00:55:23Hippopotamus is all very nice, but where's the fish?

00:55:26Fish?

00:55:26Who wants fish?

00:55:27Oh, Mr. Dittlebock, Friday.

00:55:28There's a few characters out here would like to have a little word with you.

00:55:31Just a moment.

00:55:33We will speak for ourselves, if it's all the same to you, my small friend.

00:55:38You, sir.

00:55:39This is indeed a great pleasure.

00:55:40Mr. Dittlebock, isn't it?

00:55:41The pleasure's all mine, sir, madam.

00:55:43Ethically and morally, we are not responsible for the acts of our predecessor,

00:55:46but sometimes, technically, we are.

00:55:48Now, if you'll come this way and present your statements, one at a time.

00:55:54This one, and now another, and now another.

00:55:56Have you any more?

00:56:01How do you do?

00:56:07What is your trouble, young man?

00:56:09I happen to have some very hungry cats, and I was just wondering if your organization could help me out a little, just temporarily.

00:56:15Most certainly.

00:56:16We're here for that purpose.

00:56:17It wouldn't matter about the size of the cat?

00:56:20Not a particle.

00:56:21We mother all cats.

00:56:23That was the desire of our geodefactor.

00:56:26Very handsome man.

00:56:27Well, that's certainly a relief.

00:56:28Now, have you one or plural cats?

00:56:30Plural.

00:56:31Excellent.

00:56:31The number please.

00:56:32Sixty-one, if you want to count that pupil.

00:56:34I beg your pardon?

00:56:35Uh, well, in the neighborhood of Sixty.

00:56:37Oh, it's quite a neighborhood.

00:56:39Well, you know how they multiply.

00:56:41Uh, there are ways of controlling that, you know.

00:56:43I don't want to sound cruel, but are you quite sure that being out of work and everything,

00:56:48you could afford to support quite so many of our dear little friends.

00:56:53Well, I'd be very happy to bring over a couple of wagons.

00:56:55Oh, not permitted, or all too soon our little home would be overflowing.

00:57:00Especially with ours.

00:57:01The important thing is that they're hungry, isn't it?

00:57:06Of course it is.

00:57:08So I'll just give you a requisition for, uh, you can fill it at the back door, for, shall

00:57:14we say, six bottles of milk?

00:57:17Oh, let's make it eight bottles of milk.

00:57:19And some nice, freshly chopped liver.

00:57:25About how much liver do you think your poor little darlings could manage?

00:57:30Well, uh, would about, uh, three tons be asking too much?

00:57:36Three tons?

00:57:37We could have took a couple of pounds of that liver.

00:57:41What for?

00:57:42For lunch.

00:57:43Ah, we've got to think along very much broader lines than that.

00:57:46This is a big problem.

00:57:47You're telling me.

00:57:48I used to solve problems often.

00:57:50What time when I was in college, trigonometry, calculus.

00:57:53What a time this would be.

00:57:55You know something?

00:57:55What?

00:57:56I don't think I've thought in years.

00:57:58No fooling, I'm always thinking, always trying to figure an angle.

00:58:02That's because you have to.

00:58:03You haven't got security.

00:58:05You haven't got a job like I have.

00:58:06I mean, like I have.

00:58:08Well, you have to get up at the same time every day.

00:58:10Eat the same breakfast.

00:58:11Go to the office on the same car.

00:58:13Work on the same ledger all day.

00:58:15Then go home the same way you came to the office, except backwards.

00:58:19Sure makes me dizzy to ride backwards.

00:58:20Doesn't take any thought to do all that, so you don't think anymore.

00:58:23Like you stop taking exercise.

00:58:25I sure hate exercise.

00:58:27I was even in love with the same girl all my life, except in a different body.

00:58:31Same with me.

00:58:32I've got to have change all the time.

00:58:34So long, Susie.

00:58:35Hello, Nellie.

00:58:36Hail and farewell.

00:58:38You know something else?

00:58:39What?

00:58:40He may have been right to fire.

00:58:42Huh?

00:58:42I'm just an old has-been.

00:58:44What are you talking about?

00:58:45If ever I seen a live wire, a good-time Charlie with a rubber off his roll, and a whistle for

00:58:49the game.

00:58:50Why, this little problem wouldn't have been no problem at all to you on Tuesday.

00:58:53Where there's a problem, there must be a solution.

00:58:56Where there's a mind, there must be thought.

00:58:58You follow me?

00:58:59Well, at this thing.

00:59:00Where there's a circus, there must be money.

00:59:03You said it.

00:59:04Now, where do you get money?

00:59:06Uh, Wall Street.

00:59:07Correct.

00:59:07And where in Wall Street?

00:59:08A bank.

00:59:09Correct again.

00:59:10And how do you get that money out of that bank?

00:59:12A hold-up?

00:59:13No, no, no.

00:59:14By using your head.

00:59:16Nothing is impossible if you use your head.

00:59:18You can go through granite walls with your head.

00:59:20I nearly done it one time.

00:59:21I tried out a horse.

00:59:22It was a very quick stop.

00:59:24Baraboo.

00:59:25Huh?

00:59:25Baraboo, Wisconsin.

00:59:26A banker from Baraboo, Wisconsin.

00:59:28Uh-huh.

00:59:29The winter headquarters.

00:59:30The Ringling Brothers Circus.

00:59:31What's that got to do with it?

00:59:33What's that got to do with it?

00:59:34Any boy from Baraboo, Wisconsin naturally wanted to hang around the circus as much as

00:59:38they'd let him.

00:59:39All his spare time he was there.

00:59:41He'd carry water for the elephants, take me down to the public library.

00:59:44He'd chop meat for the lions.

00:59:46He'd stuff hay in the hippopotamus.

00:59:48Naturally, he wanted to run away with the circus.

00:59:50Every American boy does.

00:59:51I see, that's a very clever piece of deductive reasoning, Mr. Diddlebacher.

00:59:56A very brilliant hypothesis.

00:59:58Just plain, but...

00:59:58Uh, you are interested in circuses, aren't you, Mr. Sergeant?

01:00:01Deeply.

01:00:02Splendid.

01:00:03Where did you develop your interest in circuses, Mr. Diddlebacher?

01:00:06I, uh, uh, dabble in circuses.

01:00:08You know, jump in, take a small profit, jump out.

01:00:11Ah, yes, it's that last part.

01:00:12That's the hard part.

01:00:13I, uh, might have wished that you were a true lover of circuses rather than just a traitor

01:00:16in them, but beggars can't be choosy.

01:00:18How true?

01:00:18And now, Mr. Sergeant...

01:00:19Zorgin elephants.

01:00:20How soon would you be ready to take over my circus?

01:00:22Take over your circus?

01:00:23Well, time is of the essence, naturally.

01:00:24You must have found owning circuses before.

01:00:26But once you make a reminder that the score's one of them, the sooner the sweeter...

01:00:28Yes, but, uh...

01:00:29Oh, yes, it is.

01:00:30Perhaps I shouldn't tell you this, but you certainly came on the right day.

01:00:33I've just received my monthly fee bills.

01:00:35And I'm prepared to make you a genuine bargain.

01:00:36I'll meet you more than halfway.

01:00:38In fact, I'm willing to take a stupendous loss.

01:00:39I'll make you such a sacrifice.

01:00:41No.

01:00:41Oh, yes, I will.

01:00:42This is the end.

01:00:43By dead reason, acquire my circus in such a reasonable term that...

01:00:46You can acquire my circus?

01:00:47That's right.

01:00:48Give that to me again?

01:00:50We got the circus, and you being fond of circuses, we thought naturally you'd be...

01:00:54That you could sell it to me?

01:00:56Uh-huh.

01:00:57I, uh...

01:00:58I knew this was too good to be true.

01:01:02I hate bankers.

01:01:04Why?

01:01:05Because they won't lend you any money like they're supposed to.

01:01:07Everybody hates them.

01:01:08Don't you hate them?

01:01:09I never thought much about it.

01:01:10Now, let's see.

01:01:11Why would a banker want to buy a circus?

01:01:14Take off his income tax?

01:01:15I don't think they pay income tax.

01:01:17At least you never see their names up very high on the list.

01:01:19They're leaving us to pay it firm.

01:01:21I hate bankers.

01:01:22Could he be sorry for the animals?

01:01:24A banker?

01:01:25What we need is an argument.

01:01:28What we need is some meat.

01:01:29That'll come.

01:01:30Now, why would you buy a circus if you were a banker?

01:01:33I wouldn't.

01:01:34Even if you could afford it?

01:01:35I should say not.

01:01:36Pooey.

01:01:36Well, I would.

01:01:38I guess maybe that's why I bought one.

01:01:41I was always going to buy a circus when I got rich.

01:01:43You sure bought one.

01:01:44Keep it in the poorest part of town.

01:01:46Let all the kids in for nothing.

01:01:48All year round.

01:01:49Just to see their faces.

01:01:51You get awful tired of that whip.

01:01:53Wait a minute.

01:01:54You say everybody hates bankers?

01:01:56Naturally.

01:01:57There you are.

01:01:57Huh?

01:01:58Nothing to it.

01:01:59Where's there another bank?

01:02:00They're all banks.

01:02:01Then come on.

01:02:02What happened?

01:02:03We just sold a circus.

01:02:04Huh?

01:02:04James R. Smokin' company.

01:02:10James R. Smokin' company.

01:02:11Morning, gentlemen.

01:02:12Morning.

01:02:12Is Mr. Smokin'?

01:02:13We'd like to smoke him out.

01:02:14We'll go inside, Wormy.

01:02:16You got an appointment?

01:02:16We'll make an appointment.

01:02:18What do you want to see him about?

01:02:19An investment.

01:02:20Of what?

01:02:20What's it your business?

01:02:22Well, go ahead.

01:02:23I'm not stopping you.

01:02:24There are plenty of people inside for that.

01:02:25Go on and try it.

01:02:26Big mug.

01:02:27Come on, Wormy.

01:02:28Big what?

01:02:29I hate bankers.

01:02:34Big I love you.

01:02:36Big Wormy.

01:02:40Well?

01:02:41Listen, you.

01:02:43We...

01:02:44We didn't figure this out far enough.

01:02:47You've got to figure these things out to the bitter end.

01:02:49What you'll do, then what they'll do.

01:02:51Then what you'll do after that, then what they'll do.

01:02:53Then what you'll do after that.

01:02:55It's like, do you play chess?

01:02:56No.

01:02:57I don't either.

01:02:58Maybe if you wore the other suit in the Big Kelly.

01:03:00What for?

01:03:00To frighten them?

01:03:01No.

01:03:02What we need is an open sesame.

01:03:04Well, no way we can dig up a couple of blackjacks.

01:03:06No, no, no.

01:03:07What we need is a rule.

01:03:08Oh.

01:03:09Did you ever hear of the Trojan horse?

01:03:11Where was he running?

01:03:12Forget it.

01:03:12There's nothing that succeeds like success.

01:03:15No.

01:03:15Like thought.

01:03:16With thought, you can penetrate granite walls.

01:03:19Right, big mug.

01:03:21All we need, then, is a thought.

01:03:23But that goes all the way through.

01:03:24Right.

01:03:24That don't stop at the bitter end.

01:03:26Right.

01:03:26You and your little brother.

01:03:27Never mind that.

01:03:30There's nothing to it.

01:03:32We'll be in jail by 3.30.

01:03:33Out again by a quarter to five.

01:03:36I've got it.

01:03:37Absolutely and beyond question.

01:03:39It cannot fail.

01:03:41What is it this time?

01:03:42We've just sold the circus.

01:03:43That's all.

01:03:44Again?

01:03:44Right.

01:03:45Come on.

01:03:45Must you go?

01:03:46We'll be back.

01:03:47You'll find out, you big stiff.

01:03:49Right.

01:03:51Right.

01:03:51Since you have repeatedly failed to clean up this matter,

01:03:54despite numerous warnings from me,

01:03:57which I was in no way obligated to show.

01:03:59Which we were in no way obligated to show.

01:04:03We are reluctantly forced to inform you

01:04:07that we will have to take over your building.

01:04:11As of the...

01:04:12Ha, ha, ha.

01:04:14You're in no way obligated to see if you've given up.

01:04:18Oh!

01:04:20Take it.

01:04:20Ah!

01:04:21No!

01:04:23Oh!

01:04:24Oh!

01:04:25Oh!

01:04:26Oh!

01:04:27Whoa!

01:04:27Ah!

01:04:28What?

01:04:28Oh!

01:04:29Oh!

01:04:30Oh!

01:04:32Oh!

01:04:33Oh!

01:04:35Oh!

01:04:36Oh!

01:04:41Oh!

01:04:42Oh!

01:04:43Oh!

01:04:43I hope we're not intruding.

01:05:11Mr. Smoke, I presume?

01:05:16I wonder if I could have a few moments of your valuable time.

01:05:20Mr. Smoke.

01:05:22Where are you, Mr. Smoke?

01:05:24Now, wait a minute, Jackie.

01:05:26No!

01:05:29No!

01:05:31No!

01:05:33No!

01:05:37Will you take that b-b-b-b-bash that they got out here?

01:05:40You wouldn't hurt a butterfly, Mr. Smoke.

01:05:43Butter wouldn't melt in his mouth.

01:05:44Give the gentleman your paw, Jackie.

01:05:47Here, give Mr. Smoke a drink.

01:05:51It's nothing.

01:05:53It's called the Dillbox.

01:05:54I have only a few moments before the police reserves arrive, so I will be extremely brief.

01:06:02As you know, Mr. Smoke, you are loathed by everything.

01:06:06Why?

01:06:07Because you are a banker.

01:06:09I am here to repopularize you overnight through the medium of the James R. Smoke year-round

01:06:13Precircus for Children.

01:06:14Adults, 55 cents.

01:06:16Remember that the richest man in the world spent millions to become popular.

01:06:20I will make you popular overnight and for nothing.

01:06:23There's only one circus in the world for sale.

01:06:25Why, Jackie?

01:06:26I have it.

01:06:27The James R. Smoke year-round Precircus for Children.

01:06:30Adults, 55 cents.

01:06:31The price is $30,000.

01:06:33I will leave you with that thought.

01:06:35My name is Dillbox.

01:06:36You can locate me through the papers.

01:06:38Good day.

01:06:39Come on, Jackie.

01:06:41Come on, boy.

01:06:43Good day.

01:06:44Here we go.

01:06:46Knock, as in jail.

01:06:47Yes.

01:06:48You're right.

01:06:50You're right.

01:06:51Oh.

01:07:03Hold everything down there.

01:07:04Come on, honey.

01:07:05Come on.

01:07:07Tell me.

01:07:08Come on, buddy.

01:07:08Come on, everybody.

01:07:09Yes, sir.

01:07:10Julius Margoff, year-round free circus for children.

01:07:12Remember those words.

01:07:13Add those 55 cents.

01:07:14As you know, Mr. Margoff, you are abominated by everybody.

01:07:17And my plan is to make you have a hot chocolate.

01:07:20Stand back to the wild animals.

01:07:22Stand back to the wild animals.

01:07:24Stand back to the wild animals.

01:07:25Stand back to the wild animals.

01:07:27Ha!

01:07:28Hey!

01:07:29You see?

01:07:30Get up, Jackie.

01:07:31Have you done?

01:07:32As you know, Mr. Blackson, you are despised, reviled, and detested by all

01:07:36normal human beings.

01:07:37My plan is to undo this great wrong for the medium of the Jeremiah T.

01:07:39Blackson year-round free circus for poor children.

01:07:40Adults 55 cents.

01:07:41Drop that gun.

01:07:42Here, have a drink.

01:08:03I'm sorry we had to break in only like this.

01:08:05But I want you to know about the McDuffie year-round free circus for poor children.

01:08:08Adults 55 cents.

01:08:09As you know, Mr. McDuffie.

01:08:10Just a minute, young man.

01:08:11What are you being questioning here without being announced?

01:08:12What you got there, dog?

01:08:13He don't smell nice.

01:08:14Why don't you give him a bath?

01:08:15Now, get out of here before I ring for the janitor.

01:08:16I can never find that, Mr. Bell.

01:08:17And have you escort to the street pronto.

01:08:18Go on out, now.

01:08:19The McDuffie circus would make you very popular.

01:08:20I don't want to be popular.

01:08:21I don't like nobody, and nobody likes me.

01:08:22If it's all right with him, it's all right with me.

01:08:23Here, how are you?

01:08:24I don't want to be popular.

01:08:25I don't want to be popular.

01:08:26If it's all right with him, it's all right with me.

01:08:27Here, have a drink.

01:08:28Certainly, that's the one thing I do like.

01:08:29The McDuffie circus will probably make...

01:08:30Very nice.

01:08:31Man's only friend.

01:08:32Now, get that dog out of here.

01:08:33I hate dogs.

01:08:34Shoe-roller.

01:08:35Go on, get out.

01:08:36Get out.

01:08:37Now, where are you?

01:08:38Get out of here, now.

01:08:39I can smell you, but I can't.

01:08:40Help!

01:08:41Help!

01:08:43Help!

01:08:45Help!

01:08:46Help!

01:08:47Help!

01:08:48Help!

01:08:49Help!

01:08:50Help!

01:08:51Help!

01:08:52Help!

01:08:53Help!

01:08:54Help!

01:08:55Get out of here!

01:08:56No!

01:08:57No!

01:08:58No!

01:08:59Hey!

01:09:00Jackie!

01:09:01Look out for Jackie!

01:09:02Little Jackie!

01:09:03Yeah, Jackie!

01:09:04Now, look what you got.

01:09:05He's Jackie!

01:09:06Little Jackie!

01:09:07Hey, Jackie!

01:09:08Quick!

01:09:09Quick!

01:09:10Quick!

01:09:11eno-jacker!

01:09:12Let's go!

01:09:13What's going on?

01:09:15Hey, Jackie!

01:09:16No!

01:09:17They're trying to get over!

01:09:19Hey, Jackie!

01:09:20Minecraft, Ivy,no...

01:09:22It's getting better!

01:09:24Oh.

01:09:25Come on, jackie.

01:09:26year Volley to me.

01:09:28oportunity useful.

01:09:29Come on getнее.

01:09:32Come on, jackie.

01:09:33Come on, jackie.

01:09:36Come on.

01:09:37Mommy!

01:09:42Whoa!

01:09:46Jack...

01:09:48..here.

01:09:50Come on.

01:09:55Come on.

01:09:57Ready?

01:10:00Come on.

01:10:01Jackie.

01:10:02Go on.

01:10:03Jackie.

01:10:05Come on.

01:10:07Give it out, Jackie.

01:10:10Go on, Jackie.

01:10:13Go on.

01:10:15Ya.

01:10:16Move away.

01:10:16See you.

01:10:19Come on.

01:10:20We'll go in there and take it in through the end window.

01:10:23All right.

01:10:24Stay back, boy.

01:10:25No!

01:10:26Stay back.

01:10:27Come on.

01:10:28Try the other one.

01:10:29All right.

01:10:30No, Jackie.

01:10:31Try this one over here.

01:10:33All right.

01:10:34Here.

01:10:35Stay right in there, boy.

01:10:37Quiet now.

01:10:38No, Jackie.

01:10:39Try this one over here.

01:10:41All right.

01:10:42Here.

01:10:43Stay right in there, boy.

01:10:45Quiet now.

01:10:47Stay right.

01:10:48Stay right in there, boy.

01:10:49Quiet now.

01:10:50Stay right.

01:10:51It's locked, too.

01:10:52Huh?

01:10:53I'll try the other one.

01:10:54Right.

01:10:55All right.

01:10:56Right there.

01:10:57Be quiet, boy.

01:10:58Oh!

01:10:59Mr. Dilma!

01:11:00No!

01:11:01Hand!

01:11:02Here.

01:11:03Get back, boy.

01:11:04Give me your hand, now.

01:11:05Look out.

01:11:06Careful.

01:11:07Hey!

01:11:08No, no, no.

01:11:09Please.

01:11:10Come on.

01:11:11Hold my hand.

01:11:12Look out.

01:11:13What are you doing?

01:11:14Hey!

01:11:15Hey!

01:11:16No, no, no.

01:11:17No, no, no.

01:11:18What's the matter with you?

01:11:19Nothing.

01:11:20It's enough.

01:11:21Stay back, Jackie.

01:11:22Now I've got my glasses.

01:11:23Oh, all right.

01:11:24I'll buy you another pair.

01:11:25They were only from the dime store,

01:11:27but it took me three weeks to pick them up.

01:11:29Where are you?

01:11:30Never mind.

01:11:31Look out!

01:11:32Look out!

01:11:33No!

01:11:34Mr. Dilma.

01:11:35Oh!

01:11:36No!

01:11:37Please, Mr. Dilma.

01:11:38What are you trying to do here?

01:11:40You don't see the...

01:11:41I'm just...

01:11:42Careful now.

01:11:43Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:11:44Ah!

01:11:45No!

01:11:46Hang on.

01:11:47No!

01:11:48No!

01:11:49No!

01:11:50No!

01:11:51Stay back there.

01:11:52I'll show you how to open them.

01:11:53Wait a minute.

01:11:54Don't frighten Jackie.

01:11:55You don't frighten that easy.

01:11:56This is one time I thought the thought all the way through.

01:11:58Get back, Jackie.

01:11:59And I ain't gone over that precipice again.

01:12:02Now, shh.

01:12:04Hey!

01:12:05Stay there, Jackie, now.

01:12:06Now be quiet, Jackie.

01:12:07That's a nice old iron.

01:12:09Only be a second now.

01:12:11Only be a second now.

01:12:12Stay careful, boy.

01:12:13Ow!

01:12:14Watch out for heaven's sake.

01:12:15Be careful, Jackie.

01:12:16Please.

01:12:17Stay back there now.

01:12:18Stay still.

01:12:19What's the matter with you?

01:12:20Be careful.

01:12:21I want to cut your arm off.

01:12:22I thought I told you not to make any noise.

01:12:25How can you throw a telephone show a plate glass window without making any noise?

01:12:38You don't throw it through two plate glass windows.

01:12:40Oh.

01:12:41What a mess.

01:12:42Now, can you see him?

01:12:43There's a good old Jackie.

01:12:44There's a good boy.

01:12:45Now, sit there.

01:12:46There's a good old Jackie.

01:12:47There's a boy.

01:12:48Just let me get you.

01:12:49Have you got a hold of him?

01:12:50There's a good old Jackie.

01:12:51There's a boy.

01:12:52Just let me get you.

01:12:53I got you.

01:12:54I got you.

01:12:55Why, Jackie, get your tail all the way, baby.

01:12:56I know.

01:12:57Now, baby.

01:12:58Easy.

01:12:59No!

01:13:00No!

01:13:01No!

01:13:02No!

01:13:03No!

01:13:04Hang on.

01:13:05Come on, Mr. Dillard.

01:13:06No!

01:13:07Quiet, Jackie.

01:13:08I almost...

01:13:09Get me in your finest.

01:13:11Jackie!

01:13:12What are you doing?

01:13:13You're all right?

01:13:14I don't want to get you.

01:13:15You're all right?

01:13:16No!

01:13:17You're all right?

01:13:18I don't want to get you.

01:13:19No!

01:13:20You're all right?

01:13:21I got it.

01:13:22Oh, no.

01:13:23I see.

01:13:24Throw the tail up there.

01:13:25I can't.

01:13:26I can't.

01:13:27I can't.

01:13:28I can't.

01:13:29I can't.

01:13:30I can't.

01:13:31I can't.

01:13:32I can't.

01:13:33I can't.

01:13:34I can't.

01:13:35I can't.

01:13:36Where are you?

01:13:37I got you.

01:13:38I better get out with my butt.

01:13:39Oh, my.

01:13:40Quiet now.

01:13:41Yeah.

01:13:42Are you all right?

01:13:43Just a minute.

01:13:44Yeah?

01:13:45You got a hold of me?

01:13:46Yeah, I got you.

01:13:47Well, now, hang on.

01:13:48I got it.

01:13:49Oh, no.

01:13:50Pull the tail up from around Jackie's.

01:13:52The chain from up around Jackie's bed.

01:13:53I see.

01:13:54Now, have you got a good hold of me?

01:13:55Just a minute, now.

01:13:56Hang on.

01:13:57What?

01:13:58What's the matter?

01:13:59I'll show you.

01:14:00Oh, God.

01:14:01If I only had my glasses.

01:14:03OK, now, hang on.

01:14:04I got you.

01:14:05Here I go.

01:14:06I got you.

01:14:07I can't see you holding me.

01:14:08I got you in a death trip.

01:14:09You got me.

01:14:10You got me.

01:14:11You got me.

01:14:12I got you.

01:14:13Here I go, now.

01:14:14Be careful, now, Mr. Dillman.

01:14:15I got it.

01:14:16I got a good hold of me.

01:14:17Sure, I got you.

01:14:18But why is your voice so far away when your co-tabs are right here?

01:14:22What?

01:14:23What?

01:14:24Wormy!

01:14:25Help me!

01:14:26Help me!

01:14:27Help!

01:14:28Help!

01:14:29Wormy!

01:14:30Wormy!

01:14:31Wormy!

01:14:32Mr. Dillman!

01:14:33Hurry!

01:14:34Somebody help me!

01:14:35No!

01:14:36Give me your help!

01:14:38Give me your help!

01:14:39Wormy!

01:14:40Help!

01:14:41Wormy!

01:14:42Wormy!

01:14:43Wormy!

01:14:44Wormy!

01:14:45Mr. Dillman!

01:14:46Oh!

01:14:47Here I am!

01:14:48Way over here now!

01:14:49Over where?

01:14:50Jack, I'm trying!

01:14:51No!

01:14:52Do something Wormy!

01:14:53I'm way over here, Wormy!

01:14:54No, Jacky!

01:14:55I'm trying!

01:14:56No!

01:14:57Hurry up!

01:14:58Oh!

01:14:59Mr. Dillman!

01:15:00Mr. Dillman!

01:15:01Mr. Dillman!

01:15:02I got Wormy!

01:15:03I got Wormy!

01:15:04Oh!

01:15:05I got him!

01:15:06Come on, boy!

01:15:07Have you got him, Will?

01:15:09No!

01:15:10No!

01:15:11Can you reach me?

01:15:12I'll get something!

01:15:13Hurry up!

01:15:14Do something!

01:15:15Where are you?

01:15:16I got it!

01:15:17Hold it!

01:15:18There!

01:15:19There!

01:15:20Oh!

01:15:21It's not everything!

01:15:22Ah!

01:15:23Everything!

01:15:24Mr. Dillman!

01:15:27Hold on a minute!

01:15:29Come on, Jacky!

01:15:30Come on, Jacky!

01:15:31Come on, Jacky!

01:15:32Come on, Jacky!

01:15:33Whoa!

01:15:34Look out there!

01:15:35Oh!

01:15:36Oh!

01:15:37Hold on, Jacky!

01:15:38Oh!

01:15:39Now, hold on, Jacky!

01:15:40Oh!

01:15:41Oh!

01:15:42I got you!

01:15:43Now...

01:15:44Put some around!

01:15:45Hey!

01:15:46Oh!

01:15:47Oh!

01:15:48Oh!

01:15:49Oh!

01:15:50Oh!

01:15:51Oh!

01:15:52Oh!

01:15:53Oh!

01:15:54Oh!

01:15:55Hey!

01:15:56Oh!

01:15:57Oh!

01:15:58Oh!

01:15:59Oh!

01:16:00Oh!

01:16:01Oh!

01:16:02Oh!

01:16:03Oh!

01:16:04Oh!

01:16:05Let's go.

01:16:35Be careful.

01:17:05Oh, that's going to do it!

01:17:10Oh, that's going to do it!

01:17:14There!

01:17:20My hand!

01:17:25Are you money?

01:17:26Hey, hang on!

01:17:29Hey!

01:17:30Hey, hang on!

01:17:33Hey, hang on!

01:17:35Hey, Hang on, Mr. Niddlebad!

01:17:44I've been watching you before.

01:17:46It's not a dream, it's not a dream, it's a dream.

01:17:48I've been to the end of the day.

01:17:50I've been to the end of the day.

01:17:52It's a dream, it's a dream.

01:17:54I've been to the end of the day, I've been to the end.

01:17:56I've been to the end of the day.

01:17:58Get up, Jack.

01:18:00That a boy, Jack!

01:18:02Good old Jack, yeah.

01:18:04Was he fond of the lamb?

01:18:06No, there was something at him.

01:18:08Oh, boy, am I glad something at him.

01:18:10Oh, boy.

01:18:12Are you sure he's all right, Wormy?

01:18:14Ah!

01:18:15Will, look out.

01:18:16What's there?

01:18:17Hang on.

01:18:18Help!

01:18:30Hang on!

01:18:31Help!

01:18:32What?

01:18:33Hang on!

01:18:34Help!

01:18:35What?

01:18:36Hang on.

01:18:36Help!

01:18:37What?

01:18:38What?

01:18:39What?

01:18:39What what?

01:18:40Help me!

01:18:41Hang on!

01:18:42Help!

01:18:43Hang on!

01:18:44Help!

01:18:45Hang on!

01:18:46What's the matter with you?

01:18:47I'm sorry.

01:18:48I ain't never going to be the same again.

01:18:51Oh, boy, is this nice in here.

01:18:53Thought you didn't like, Jail.

01:18:55Is this the first time I ever appreciated one?

01:18:58So cozy, so solid.

01:19:01Don't they build them nice?

01:19:02Well, we'll be out of it pretty soon.

01:19:04No hurry.

01:19:05We've got to get over this, you know.

01:19:09That wasn't part of the plan at all.

01:19:11You're telling me.

01:19:12Now, let's see.

01:19:13I said that we'd be in jail by 3.30.

01:19:16We are, and I love it.

01:19:18And out again by a quarter to five.

01:19:20We ain't, and it's all right with me.

01:19:22Good old Jackie, did you stick your neck out?

01:19:25They ought to be here with certified checks.

01:19:27Who?

01:19:28The bankers.

01:19:29They have to come with certified checks.

01:19:31There's nothing in this world as strong as a good idea.

01:19:34It never has failed, never will fail.

01:19:36It cannot fail.

01:19:37The thought is planted.

01:19:38One more second, they could have planted us, too.

01:19:41Can you imagine watching a trapeze act?

01:19:43Oh, boy.

01:19:45And the cop.

01:19:46Who?

01:19:47The bankers.

01:19:48Now, you just watch.

01:19:49They tend to be indifferent.

01:19:50Right.

01:19:51Right.

01:19:52Right.

01:19:58A young lady bailed out.

01:20:00A young lady?

01:20:02The bankers' secretary.

01:20:03He sent her over here.

01:20:04Come on.

01:20:10Hello, Mr. Diddlebock.

01:20:11I'm so sorry.

01:20:12You're in trouble.

01:20:13What's that?

01:20:14Why, Miss Otis?

01:20:15That's just Jackie.

01:20:16Don't pay any attention to him.

01:20:17You bailed me out?

01:20:18Well, naturally, Mr. Diddlebock.

01:20:19We just put our savings together.

01:20:20That's all.

01:20:21He can't get out, can he?

01:20:22Of course not.

01:20:23That's all savings are for, anyway.

01:20:24Naturally, they weren't all mine.

01:20:25Hortense had the most, of course, being the other.

01:20:26Naturally.

01:20:27And when we heard you were in trouble,

01:20:28are you sure the strong one?

01:20:29Of course they are.

01:20:30I can't thank you enough, my dear Miss Otis.

01:20:32I'm terribly touched,

01:20:33and as soon as I have a minute,

01:20:34I'll thank you for hours.

01:20:35But I'm not in the slightest trouble.

01:20:37This is all part of a plan.

01:20:39A foolproof plan.

01:20:40That cannot fail.

01:20:41That cannot fail.

01:20:42Oh, I thought you were in trouble.

01:20:44Far from it.

01:20:45Do I look as if I were in trouble?

01:20:47Now, you didn't have to see any bankers downstairs

01:20:49on your way up here, did you?

01:20:51No, I didn't, Mr. Diddlebock.

01:20:52Only a colored man.

01:20:53What was he doing?

01:20:54Mopping the floor except the sergeant.

01:20:55They've had plenty of time to get here.

01:20:57At least one of them should have come

01:20:58to steal a march on the others.

01:20:59They must know where I am.

01:21:00The paper says exactly.

01:21:02The Battery Park Police Station.

01:21:04You didn't have any trouble finding me, did you?

01:21:06I didn't see the papers, Mr. Diddlebock.

01:21:07Your coachman came and got me.

01:21:14Why, there's life, dear dope, sir.

01:21:16And while you was acrobatic-ing this afternoon,

01:21:18I would think you'd have my hope.

01:21:19Thanks.

01:21:25I'm awfully sorry, Mr. Diddlebock.

01:21:28I don't know exactly what you're disappointed about.

01:21:31But maybe you could get arrested some other time,

01:21:33if that's what you're trying to do.

01:21:34Well, that's that.

01:21:35But I just can't understand it.

01:21:38Come on, Wormy.

01:21:40We'll take Miss Otis home anyway.

01:21:42That's about all we have to offer.

01:21:44And we'll come back and get Jackie in.

01:21:47I'd be glad to go back to jail, Miss Otis,

01:21:50if it were to get your savings back.

01:21:52Don't talk nonsense, Mr. Diddlebock.

01:21:54Don't be depressed.

01:21:55The day is always darkest.

01:21:56I know.

01:21:57Just before the cyclone.

01:21:59Say, what's the Battery Park Police Station

01:22:03doing on Canal Street?

01:22:04The Battery Park Police Station, too?

01:22:05Yes.

01:22:06That's where the papers said I was.

01:22:07Oh, they couldn't take you in.

01:22:08There wasn't room.

01:22:09Some roisterous of some kind got in ahead of you.

01:22:10Oh, they didn't like lions or something.

01:22:11Then where is the Battery Park Police Station?

01:22:12Why, in Battery Park, sir, naturally.

01:22:14And what are you waiting for?

01:22:15Get in.

01:22:16You see what I told you?

01:22:17Hot dog!

01:22:18You see what I told you?

01:22:19Hot dog!

01:22:20You see what I told you?

01:22:23Hot dog!

01:22:24Let's go!

01:22:25Woo-hoo!

01:22:26Let's go down!

01:22:27Woo-hoo!

01:22:28Quiet!

01:22:29Quiet!

01:22:30Quiet!

01:22:31Did anybody see any bankers around here?

01:22:33There!

01:22:34Quiet!

01:22:35Quiet!

01:22:36Quiet!

01:22:37Quiet!

01:22:38Did anybody see any bankers around here?

01:22:40Quiet!

01:22:41Quiet!

01:22:42Quiet!

01:22:43Quiet!

01:22:44Quiet!

01:22:45Quiet!

01:22:46Quiet!

01:22:47Quiet!

01:22:48Quiet!

01:22:49Quiet!

01:22:50Quiet!

01:22:51Quiet!

01:22:52Quiet!

01:22:53Quiet!

01:22:54Quiet!

01:22:55Quiet!

01:22:56Quiet!

01:22:57Quiet!

01:22:58Quiet!

01:22:59Quiet!

01:23:00Quiet!

01:23:01Quiet!

01:23:02Quiet!

01:23:03Quiet!

01:23:04Quiet!

01:23:05Quiet!

01:23:06Quiet!

01:23:07Quiet!

01:23:08Quiet!

01:23:09Come on, come on, come on.

01:23:39Come on.

01:23:45Come on.

01:23:50Come on.

01:23:51Come on.

01:24:09Do you feel better now?

01:24:12The air would do you good.

01:24:14That's very kind of you.

01:24:17Oh, yes, this is my cab, isn't it?

01:24:20What a day.

01:24:21Say, was I hanging off a line from a building, or did I have a nightmare?

01:24:25I'm afraid you did, Mr. Dittlebox.

01:24:27I mean, hang off the building.

01:24:28But I really wish you wouldn't anymore, now that it isn't necessary.

01:24:31You wish I wouldn't.

01:24:32I mean, now that you're a member of the firm and everything.

01:24:34What firm is that?

01:24:35Well, Waggleberry and Company, where you always work.

01:24:37You say I'm a...

01:24:38But of course you are.

01:24:39Mr. Waggleberry said that Sergeant's free circus idea was the best advertising idea he'd heard of since Brody jumped off the bridge.

01:24:45And then when you got the accountant on...

01:24:47You say Sergeant bought the circus?

01:24:49Oh, no, he already had a circus of his own.

01:24:51Ringling Brothers Barnum and Bailey bought your circus.

01:24:53Ringling Brothers Barnum and Bailey?

01:24:54You mean for money?

01:24:55They certainly didn't buy it for peanuts.

01:24:57But I thought that there were some bankers.

01:24:59Weren't there some bankers who wanted it or something?

01:25:01Oh, yes, but they didn't want it as much as Ringling Brothers Barnum and Bailey wanted it.

01:25:05They just wanted it for the free circus idea, which Mr. Sergeant already had,

01:25:08which made you a member of the firm.

01:25:09But Ringling Brothers Barnum and Bailey really wanted it.

01:25:12The bankers never got any higher than $150,000.

01:25:15$150,000?

01:25:16That's right.

01:25:17But when Ringling Brothers don't like something, they really don't like it.

01:25:19They don't like...

01:25:20They don't like these circuses.

01:25:21$175,000 worth they don't like them.

01:25:24$175,000.

01:25:26I'm so happy for you, Mr. Diddlebock.

01:25:28I mean, so much happening in such a short time.

01:25:31I'm very proud of you, too.

01:25:33You must be terrible intelligent.

01:25:35I beg your pardon, Mr. Diddlebock.

01:25:37$175,000.

01:25:40That's right.

01:25:40You see, it's written...

01:25:41Oh, it's written twice.

01:25:45Oh, you're wearing it.

01:25:47The engagement ring.

01:25:49I remember now.

01:25:50$175,000.

01:25:52How beautiful it looks on your little hand.

01:25:55$175,000.

01:25:56$175,000.

01:26:07I see.

01:26:08What's the matter, Mr. Diddlebock?

01:26:14It ought to be the happiest day of my life.

01:26:16You expected a job.

01:26:18You expected money.

01:26:20But it isn't.

01:26:21Funny, isn't it?

01:26:22I'm not quite sure I understand, Mr. Diddlebock.

01:26:24What's so difficult to understand about it?

01:26:26I just said that I'm very happy for you.

01:26:28If I didn't say it, I meant it.

01:26:29I've just made a killing in circuses.

01:26:32I am, you tell me, a member of a large advertising firm.

01:26:35And I don't know how much per year.

01:26:36If ever I could afford to support a, uh, it's now.

01:26:40And once again, I've just lost one of the little girls in the world.

01:26:42The last one.

01:26:43I am naturally delighted.

01:26:45Excuse me for even thinking like this.

01:26:47Now, if you tell me where you live, I'll take you home.

01:26:50You mean you don't remember, Mr. Diddlebock?

01:26:52Remember what?

01:26:52What is there for me to remember?

01:26:53What I want to do is to learn how to forget.

01:26:55Remember that you're married.

01:26:56Remember that I married you.

01:26:57How's that again?

01:26:58I said, don't you remember marrying you, Mr. Diddlebock?

01:27:01Marrying you, Mr. Diddlebock?

01:27:02How could I possibly remember marrying you, Mr. Diddlebock, in the first place your name

01:27:05is, Mr. Diddlebock, and the second place...

01:27:07You mean you don't remember coming out to Flatbush in the middle of the night with a full orchestra?

01:27:10Flatbush?

01:27:11And waking up the whole neighborhood while you told Mother it was about time you did something

01:27:14about one of her daughters, and then wrapping me in a long velvet cloak that turned out

01:27:17afterwards to be a window curtain, and then galloping all the way back to New Jersey.

01:27:21I'll bet you, Ellis, I'm...

01:27:23Are you sure of your facts, Miss Otis?

01:27:25Am I sure?

01:27:26Really, Mr. Diddlebock?

01:27:27This is terrible, Miss Otis.

01:27:29I'll never forgive myself if I live to be the beyond indifference, and our age alone is.

01:27:33I mean to say not that I don't worship the very ground you walk on, but I mean looking

01:27:38at us together.

01:27:38I must have been out of my mind.

01:27:40I was out of my mind.

01:27:41Why didn't you resist me, Miss Otis?

01:27:43Because you were irresistible.

01:27:45Irresistible, irresistible.

01:27:46My grandmother's poodle, I mean to say.

01:27:48Look at me.

01:27:49I'm looking at you, Miss Otis.

01:27:50What do you see?

01:27:51My husband.

01:27:52Your husband.

01:27:53Piffle, funk, sentimental, drip-drap.

01:27:55Fortunately, there's still time to rectify this nonsense, this miscarriage of...

01:27:59We'll have it a no for you.

01:28:01I don't think that would be practical.

01:28:03All right.

01:28:04Then you can go to Reno, or any place else that you like.

01:28:06At least I can afford it now.

01:28:08What do you mean it wouldn't be practical?

01:28:09I'll always be glad to look after you as generously and as well as possible.

01:28:13Because I know how.

01:28:14Anything that I have is yours, Miss Otis.

01:28:17Everything I have is yours, Mr. Dittlebock.

01:28:20And I'll tell you something else, Mr. Dittlebock.

01:28:22I'm not going to Reno or any place else.

01:28:24Because you see, Mr. Dittlebock, it took you so long to make up your mind and join our family.

01:28:29That now that we have you, we don't think we'd better ever let you go.

01:28:33But my dear Miss, Mrs.

01:28:34Oh, sir.

01:28:35I'll tell you something else, Mr. Dittlebock, that you also haven't bothered to ask me.

01:28:39I love you, Mr. Dittlebock.

01:28:42My dear Miss Otis.

01:28:44I, I, I, my dear child.

01:28:46Oh, my dear.

01:28:48That must be what I was doing all day Wednesday.

01:29:06Oh, my dear.

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