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The Last Leg - Season 34 Episode 1
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00:00One of the most important things about the A-Z
00:02One of the most important things about the A-Z
00:04Thank you for letting us be ourselves
00:06So don't mind me if I repeat myself
00:08These simple lines be good for your health
00:11And keep them crime rhymes on the shelf
00:13Live my life like I just don't care
00:15The vibe that I believe is never scared
00:18Rain and noise is the moment they fear
00:20Get up, you're still a beautiful idea
00:22Get up, throw your hands in the air
00:24Get up, get up, get up
00:26Turn on the telly, check out the news, and thank the Lord you're not doing dry January.
00:42It's Friday, we're live, and it's time for the last leg.
00:47Tonight on the show, the Prime Minister cozies up to China.
00:51Donald Trump messes up America.
00:53And we follow up on an Ashes bet.
00:57Plus we'll be joined by comedians Ellie Taylor and Tom Davis.
01:00On the show that wraps up the news of the week.
01:19Wow.
01:19Hi everyone.
01:21G'day Madam Hills.
01:22Welcome to Last Leg, the show that heard there's an Oscar nominated film called If I Had Legs I Would Kick You, and rapidly re-titled it's Autobiography.
01:31With me as always are the pride of Dartmoor Josh Whittacombe, and the man who's excited because it's only 329 sleeps until Christmas, Alex Brooker.
01:38Loads of news to get through, loads has happened since we were last on air, but before we do that we thought we'd bring you up to speed on what we did during our break.
01:53Yep.
01:54Alex's adventures can only be described as on brand.
01:58Yeah, well, I went to Vegas to go and watch the Backstreet Boys at the Sphere.
02:05It's like someone, and I can, but look at, look at my, like, my best, and you got there and then you stepped on a plug.
02:13My best moment of 2026 came on January the 2nd, I lost, I genuinely, absolutely lost my mind so much, I didn't know that, like, obviously I was getting far, far too carried away and I thought it would be funny to film me when, um, I Want It That Way came on.
02:34Mm-hmm. Just have a, have a look at, uh, this.
02:40Oh-ho!
02:45Alex, you're acting like you're going, I can't believe they're playing their most famous song!
02:51I was just like, why?
02:53They're playing the one song everyone's heard of!
02:55It was good, it was so excited, but honestly, next pip assessment I have, the way they're going to see how quick I'll get out of the chair, they're going to play.
03:04Your next pip assessment's basically going to be this.
03:07I want it that way!
03:11But I, um, I did, generally, I was like losing my mind for a couple of hours, and when we got back I was kind of like, I was really, like, missed it, and I was kind of watching back through the video.
03:21You missed it!
03:21I was watching back through the videos, generally one of the best nights of my life, watching back through the video.
03:26And then you thought I should say hello to my children again.
03:28And I, I looked at, um, a video from right then, they do Backstreet's Back, and I didn't know that this was the noise I was making as the show closed until I saw this video.
03:41All I can say is it's a good job I was wearing all white.
03:58LAUGHTER
04:01Fucking hell!
04:04You sad old bastard!
04:07I texted him on the day, I had these, they gave us, like, bucket hats, these Backstreet Boys bucket hats, and I texted him on the day that we were there, a photo of me in the pub wearing a bucket hat holding a pint, and I said, this is my oasis.
04:20LAUGHTER
04:24No reply.
04:25OK, so you went to Vegas to watch Backstreet Boys.
04:27Yeah.
04:28I was in Australia having a summer of tennis.
04:30LAUGHTER
04:31I've got bad news for Hilsey.
04:32Yep.
04:33It's been winter.
04:35It wasn't summer.
04:36But in Australia it was summer.
04:38Oh, fuck off.
04:39LAUGHTER
04:40Uh, I mean, it started with me playing in a charity tennis event in Melbourne.
04:44Ooh.
04:45Uh, last Saturday, I think it was, where I got drilled by John McEnroe.
04:49Sorry, what?
04:50See, you did recognise that noise I made.
04:52LAUGHTER
04:53Does your wife know you've been drilled by John McEnroe?
04:56You cannot be serious.
04:58LAUGHTER
04:59That ball was in!
05:00LAUGHTER
05:03Sorry.
05:04Sorry.
05:05Sorry.
05:07Sorry.
05:08Bit of fun today.
05:10He's one of our great tennis players.
05:12No, no, sorry.
05:14What I meant was, I was at the net and he hit a ball at me really fast.
05:16Yes.
05:17But I also played in something called the One Point Slam at the Australian Open.
05:19Oh, yeah.
05:20So, it was a tournament where, like, amateurs and pros play in this tournament.
05:24You only play one point.
05:25If you win that point, you go through to the next round.
05:27The winner of the whole thing took home a million dollars.
05:29Ooh!
05:30I was drawn against a guy ranked 208 in the world.
05:34Oh!
05:35This guy was good.
05:36We did rock, paper, scissors.
05:38He won and he went, I'm not going to serve, because you only get one serve.
05:41So, I served.
05:43This is what happened.
05:45I think that's pretty cool.
05:47You know what I'm happy about?
05:48That I made it.
05:49Adam Hills to serve.
05:50I was waiting for you to serve.
05:51Ready?
05:52Play.
05:53At least I played it for you.
05:56Football.
05:57Oh!
06:04Oh, it's perfect!
06:06It's almost...
06:07Thank you, God, for the greatest moment in tennis history.
06:10And it's history.
06:11It's almost like if a photo of you popped up on Catchphrase.
06:16I mean, I'm assuming it was the umpire.
06:17It might have been someone yelling a diagnosis.
06:21He didn't have to yell it before you started playing as well, though.
06:23That was when it was too much.
06:25And, look, if Alex and I were on brand,
06:27Josh was absolutely Team Whittacombe.
06:30So, yeah, big news.
06:31We have welcomed to our family twins.
06:35Mm-hm.
06:36Very excited, yes.
06:37Yeah, would you like to see them?
06:38Here they are.
06:40LAUGHTER
06:43That is...
06:44That is Fluffball on the top and Tilly on the bottom.
06:48They were named by my son and daughter.
06:50My son is four and I wasn't in favour of Fluffball,
06:53but we've gone with it.
06:55And...
06:56And they have broken the internet.
06:57I put them on Instagram and they got 57,000 likes.
07:01WHISTLE BLOWS
07:02Which, to put it in perspective,
07:03is 56,000 more than most of my posts.
07:06LAUGHTER
07:07The thing is, it's about time,
07:08cos you've always regretted that time you didn't put that video up
07:10of your sneezing panda, haven't you?
07:12LAUGHTER
07:14But you...
07:15This is what I was like, you appeared on...
07:16I don't know, I want to pick a bone with you.
07:17You...
07:18You appeared on David Baddiel's Channel 4 show.
07:21Cat Man.
07:22Cat Man.
07:23And made this frank admission.
07:25This is an interesting thing with our cats.
07:28She's more interested in our water than her own.
07:33Sue me, I have a pint of water of an evening when I watch TV.
07:37A pint of water, lovely.
07:38Yeah.
07:39She will drink from that.
07:40This is something that other people find problematic.
07:43I can't be bothered to then change the water.
07:46So you just carry on drinking from it?
07:47Well, you know what people are mainly thinking, don't you?
07:50Let's just say it.
07:51People are mainly thinking that cat has licked its arsehole.
07:54It's probably got flecks of poo on its tongue.
07:57Now, the people up here were horrified.
08:03Even you with the beard? Fuck off!
08:09In fairness...
08:10He's got sharing spaghetti with a cat right all over him.
08:14You...
08:15You do use the cat's litter tray so it evens out, doesn't it?
08:18No, I...
08:19Look, say a cat had a little bit of my water.
08:21Mm.
08:22They're part of our family.
08:24Admittedly, if it's shat in my cereal, I wouldn't...
08:26wouldn't have it.
08:28That's why...
08:29That's why I've gone from Coco Pops to Rice Krispies.
08:32Right, so we're going to ask...
08:34We're going to ask this as a poll,
08:36and we're putting this up on Instagram right now.
08:38Is that disgusting?
08:39No, no, that's not how you conduct a poll.
08:41That is a leading question.
08:44No, but...
08:45Is this disgusting?
08:46That is not the poll!
08:48I hope that...
08:49The election doesn't go,
08:50is Keir Starmer a twat?
08:53I just really hope our admin
08:55puts that caption up over the right photo,
08:57because if it's not one from us at the Paralympics...
09:01So answer that,
09:02is it disgusting?
09:03Oh, no.
09:04We can also...
09:05You can also send us any questions
09:07you want to ask us about the news,
09:08message us on Instagram,
09:09the hashtags, is it okay?
09:10WhatsApp, the numbers,
09:1207956175908,
09:14or you can scan the QR code on your screen.
09:17Oh, why is that?
09:18Let's get straight into the news, though.
09:19Lou said,
09:20Is it okay that Keir has gone to China?
09:22How many secrets does he want to give away?
09:24So,
09:25Keir Starmer landed in Beijing this week
09:27in an attempt to strengthen ties with China.
09:29Although, it is possible
09:30he might have misunderstood the brief
09:31to win back the Red Wall.
09:33It's a real gear change from, like, the cat-ass water.
09:47I'm on board with all of it.
09:49Yeah.
09:50Normally you wouldn't meet with the head of a strict regime
09:53who clamps down on any challenges to their leadership,
09:55but the Chinese president said he'd make an exception.
09:57Ah, there we go.
09:58You groaned before I'd finished.
10:01It's my kind of humour.
10:04Keir Starmer said the trip is necessary
10:05to forge trade relations
10:06with the world's second-largest economy,
10:08which is an indication
10:09of just how fucked things are with America right now.
10:12It's kind of like when you're in a pub
10:14but your 5G isn't working
10:15so you have to log into the pub's Wi-Fi.
10:17You're like,
10:18yes, you're going to have my data,
10:19yes, I'm probably going to get hacked,
10:21but I've really got to do Wordle.
10:23I always think of this thing, like,
10:25going over there to do a trade deal with China.
10:28Yeah.
10:29Must be, like, so difficult
10:30because China make everything.
10:31Yeah.
10:32You know, they make cars,
10:33electronics, clothes,
10:34and, like, Keir Starmer's over there
10:36in exchange for this trying to go,
10:37yeah, I can do you a deal on Carlin.
10:39If...
10:41Have you ever heard of a sausage and bean melt?
10:44It's actually not far off,
10:47because they... they got...
10:49they reduced tariffs on whisky.
10:50That's what they did.
10:51That's all we've got.
10:52That's all we've got.
10:53And, look, if there was any doubt
10:54as to whether sucking up the China is a good idea,
10:56last night Donald Trump said
10:57he thought it was a bad idea.
10:59In fact, he said the UK having closer ties with China
11:02would be, quote,
11:03very dangerous.
11:04Sorry, Donald,
11:05but if you weren't such a liability,
11:07we wouldn't have to do this in the first place.
11:09It's like Greg Wallace criticising the BBC
11:11for bringing in a new judge on MasterChef.
11:14LAUGHTER
11:15Apparently, Keir Starmer took Xi Jinping,
11:17a Premier League football that was used in the match
11:19between Arsenal and Manchester United last weekend.
11:22Oh, I'm sorry.
11:23Because Xi is a fan of Man United
11:24and they beat Arsenal in that game.
11:26Yeah, all right, let's move on.
11:28LAUGHTER
11:29It's a very difficult thing to pack, isn't it, a football?
11:32LAUGHTER
11:33Very difficult.
11:34I'm imagining David...
11:36David, um...
11:37He's not called David...
11:38I almost said David Cameron!
11:39LAUGHTER
11:41I'm having a breakdown.
11:42LAUGHTER
11:43Move on, Adam,
11:44I seem to have gone back ten years in my life.
11:46Like, you've just admitted sharing water with your cat
11:48and you wonder what...
11:49LAUGHTER
11:53Oh, my God, what year is it?
11:55LAUGHTER
11:56What?
11:57And why can I taste a cat anus in my mouth?
12:00LAUGHTER
12:01The thing is that we don't know,
12:02what did Xi Jinping get Keir Starmer?
12:05Because I've got a little inkling
12:07it'll be just the sort of thing he's been talking about recently.
12:10Keir Starmer would be there going,
12:11how did you know?
12:12I was literally only saying to my wife the other day
12:14in the kitchen that I wanted a soda stream
12:15and all of a sudden there he is!
12:17It's just like you just know!
12:19Um, Keir Starmer's visit comes at a tricky time
12:21because China's been accused of spying on British diplomats.
12:24Um, the Prime Minister said he wasn't worried
12:26about claims of Chinese spying,
12:27to which the Chinese replied,
12:28yes, you're right, we would never spy on you.
12:30Starmer then said,
12:31sorry, China, are you listening into this phone call?
12:33And China said, sorry, we picked up the other extension.
12:37And look, we might joke about this,
12:39but Starmer and his team took burner phones and laptops
12:42so that they won't be spied upon,
12:44which is kind of appropriate
12:45because right now most of Britain currently see Keir Starmer
12:48as a burner Prime Minister.
12:49I mean, he's only going to be in use for a little while,
12:51there's nothing interesting on him,
12:52and we'll probably get a new one soon.
12:54The thing is, we assume that they've taken the burner phones
12:59because they're worried about spying,
13:01but you are discounting the other option.
13:04What's that?
13:05They're out there to sell drugs.
13:09Starmer's gone, look, we need a cash influx.
13:11You know, I'll start dealing,
13:13you know, I could be called Great Gear Keir.
13:15People...
13:21You know, there's loads of people in China,
13:23let's get...
13:24He's the last person you suspect, isn't he?
13:27Yeah.
13:28They're not checking his suitcase.
13:30What's that in the football?
13:36There was a Guardian article this week that said
13:38when Theresa May visited China,
13:40she was advised to get dressed under a duvet
13:43to avoid being photographed naked by spy cameras.
13:47I know, and look, I don't want to cast aspersions,
13:49but I kind of feel like Theresa May gets dressed under a duvet anyway.
13:53I mean, we've all seen how she dances.
13:56This is not an uninhibited woman.
13:59So is she also having to have a shower under a duvet as well?
14:05Yeah.
14:06Oh, sorry.
14:07Sorry, Philip, I'm just going to go for a shit.
14:10Can I have the duvet to put over my...
14:13I'd say footage of Theresa May struggling to get changed under a duvet
14:17would be incriminating enough.
14:20It looks like they've run out of ideas on Taskmaster.
14:23Apparently stuff like this happens all the time.
14:27Like, when Michael Gove went to China,
14:30he said he was told to suspect anyone from the opposite sex
14:33who approached him and was out of his league.
14:37I know, which narrows it down to anyone from the opposite sex.
14:42I mean, no offence to Michael Gove, but if you're a woman in China,
14:46the one thing you don't want to hear from him is,
14:48oh, now you I can trust.
14:51This implies that every time Michael Gove goes abroad otherwise,
14:54there's just beautiful women coming up to him,
14:56and that's a day in the life of Michael Gove.
15:00It's just like, if the Danish embassies are rocking,
15:02don't come a-knocking.
15:04All this comes as the Prime Minister approved plans
15:06for a Chinese mega embassy in London,
15:08which has rooms that are suspiciously redacted from the plans.
15:12Now, look at that. See that room in red there?
15:14That's... The Chinese aren't even telling us what that room is for.
15:17Do you know what's so suspicious?
15:19They've even labelled it secret room.
15:21If they're calling it that, I'm going to say it,
15:24I don't think they're good spies.
15:27It looks like the shittest Cluedo board of all time.
15:30So, it's right next to underground communication cables
15:33that carry sensitive financial information across London.
15:36But we're all right,
15:37cos we're going to put a duvet over the cable.
15:41And look, to be fair to China,
15:42it is better than the plan they originally submitted.
15:49Now, the interesting thing is,
15:50this trip to China also helps to make Keir Starmer look prime ministerial
15:53at a time when his authority is kind of under question a bit.
15:56Rosie said,
15:57is it OK that Labor have blocked Andy Burnham
15:59from running for MP's election?
16:01So, there have been rumours for a few months now
16:03that Manchester Mayor Andy Burnham
16:05was going to challenge the Prime Minister
16:06for leadership of the Labor Party.
16:08But how? How can you do that when you're not an MP?
16:10Well, earlier this month,
16:11the MP for the Manchester constituency of Gorton and Denton
16:15suddenly resigned
16:16and Andy Burnham applied to run in the by-election.
16:19But then Labor blocked him,
16:21cos they said it would cost too much money
16:22to run a by-election to replace him as mayor.
16:25Which sounds a little bit like...
16:27Bullshit!
16:28Both politicians deny there's any beef,
16:32but right now,
16:33the only way things could be frostier between them
16:35is if Burnham accused Starmer
16:36of inappropriately dancing on him at his wedding.
16:39LAUGHTER
16:43Let's be honest,
16:44it's all an image we're thinking of now.
16:46LAUGHTER
16:47All eyes are now on...
16:48Get a duvet over them, I can't look!
16:50LAUGHTER
16:51All eyes are now on the upcoming Gorton and Denton by-election,
16:53which is being seen as a huge test of Keir Starmer's leadership.
16:56Reform announced this week their candidate
16:58would be former GB news presenter Matt Goodwin,
17:01a man who once ate his own book on air
17:03after losing a bet about Jeremy Corbyn's polling.
17:06Here is the outrageous moment from 2017.
17:08I am a man of my word,
17:11so what I'm going to do is just sit here
17:13and eat my book,
17:14while you guys carry on.
17:16LAUGHTER
17:17LAUGHTER
17:18LAUGHTER
17:19LAUGHTER
17:21LAUGHTER
17:23LAUGHTER
17:25LAUGHTER
17:27LAUGHTER
17:29But he takes it... takes it out!
17:30He didn't eat it!
17:31He didn't eat it!
17:32That's not fulfilling a bet!
17:33Unless your bum is spitting out paper
17:35like a defective printer,
17:36you are not a man of your word!
17:37LAUGHTER
17:38In fairness, if he had have eaten a book...
17:40Yeah.
17:41..would it have wiped his arse on the way out?
17:43LAUGHTER
17:44LAUGHTER
17:45LAUGHTER
17:46LAUGHTER
17:47LAUGHTER
17:48Look, it won't surprise you to know
17:49Matt Goodwin is anti-immigration,
17:51anti-establishment and anti-woke,
17:53but he looks good on television.
17:55You know what I mean?
17:56He's like Lee Anderson if he'd been queer-eyed.
17:58LAUGHTER
17:59Now, the Gorton and Denton by-election,
18:00this is... I think it's February 26th it's going to take place.
18:03Oh, I've got it in my diary, I'll tell you that for free.
18:05LAUGHTER
18:06Exactly!
18:07LAUGHTER
18:08I think it's going to be a big one.
18:09Like, I think this is going to be
18:10properly fascinating to see which way it goes.
18:12And I think we need to come up with a good name for it.
18:14Yeah.
18:15Um, so our poll tonight is...
18:16You don't think the Gorton and Denton by-election
18:18is exciting enough?
18:19LAUGHTER
18:20LAUGHTER
18:21No.
18:22Our poll is this, what should we call it?
18:24What should we call the Gorton and Denton by-election?
18:27I don't know, you've heard of Rumble in the Jungle,
18:29maybe the hullabaloo on the M62.
18:31LAUGHTER
18:32How about the fuckfest in the North West?
18:34LAUGHTER
18:35LAUGHTER
18:36LAUGHTER
18:37I meant it as a mess-up, not as in...
18:40Not as in, like, Michael Gove on a diplomatic...
18:43LAUGHTER
18:45I thought I'd got a VPN to watch that.
18:47LAUGHTER
18:48Let's not go with my suggestion.
18:50It wasn't taken as I'd intended it.
18:52LAUGHTER
18:53Oh, God, come on!
18:54Send us your suggestions on WhatsApp or Instagram.
18:57We'll pick one at the end of the show.
18:58Use the hashtag unwanted election.
19:00All parties will be announcing their candidates in due course.
19:03Labour, though, are announcing theirs tomorrow
19:05and there have been rumours that former Manchester United star
19:09and now pundit Gary Neville could be the Labour candidate.
19:13Ooh!
19:14I know, and considering Xi Jinping is a Man United fan,
19:16that might not be a bad idea.
19:18LAUGHTER
19:19I think footballers going into politics,
19:22I think that's the way forward.
19:24Imagine Roy Keane in power and there was, like, a doctor's strike
19:28and it's like, you know, we're saving lives, we need more money.
19:30He's like, but that's your job!
19:32LAUGHTER
19:33I just love the idea of him trying to combine it with Skye
19:37and he's like, well, I can't go to the UN
19:39because I'm at Sunderland v Fulham.
19:41LAUGHTER
19:42It's, oh, it's so exciting.
19:44It's got to be him, hasn't it?
19:45Is it?
19:46Well, look, we think it's pretty unlikely that Gary Neville's
19:48going to be a candidate for the Gordon and Denton by-election,
19:51but, just in case, we've taken the liberty of making a campaign ad for him.
19:55LAUGHTER
19:56And here it is.
19:58When Labour is anything but united,
20:01you need a man who's united through and through.
20:04He's hard-working, tactically aware, and he knows how to win.
20:09Introducing your candidate for Gorton and Denton, Gary Neville.
20:15He's spent a career putting a cross in a box.
20:18Now he wants your cross in his box.
20:21LAUGHTER
20:22He's the perfect Labour candidate
20:24cos he had loads of success in the 90s, but sod all since.
20:28And like Labour now,
20:30he's used to being stuck behind the right wing.
20:33He's the people's mayor, who played for Man United,
20:37so it won't be the first time he'll be representing the Reds.
20:41And if you want someone who can handle PMQs,
20:44you need a person who can face a properly abusive atmosphere.
20:48He'll make a good Labour candidate
20:51cos he's used to being called a...
20:53..and like Keir Starmer,
20:55he's spent his whole career sucking up to a tyrannical dictator.
21:00This February, vote for Gary Neville,
21:03cos maybe what the country needs is a leader called Gary.
21:08APPLAUSE
21:14Alright, let's welcome tonight's guests.
21:16She hosts Bake Off The Professionals
21:18and he appeared in Wonka,
21:19so they both know their way around a chocolate flute.
21:21Please welcome Ellie Taylor and Tom Davis.
21:24CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
21:27How are you both?
21:42What did you get up to over your break?
21:45I went to Australia over Christmas, actually, Adam.
21:47Did you?
21:48And I've got some concerns for your nation.
21:50OK.
21:51Because I know there's a lot going on in the world,
21:52but we need to be addressing the real issues,
21:54which is the rise of the mullet.
21:57Because it's out of control.
21:58I know it's a big thing for you culturally.
22:00Yeah.
22:01But it's escalating.
22:02There are now all these things that guys are doing.
22:04They shave the front.
22:05Don't look at me.
22:06I haven't got a horse in this race.
22:09I mean, I could grow at the back, to be fair.
22:12Well, this is it, Tom.
22:13You can do it.
22:14So they shave the front long at the back.
22:15It's called a skullet.
22:16Really?
22:17A skullet.
22:18What is it?
22:19See, actually, I...
22:20Yeah.
22:21What is it?
22:22And you see it on toddlers.
22:23Like, that a parent...
22:24That is awful.
22:25...has done that, has gone to it, like,
22:26how can I make this cuter?
22:27I want to see more of his cranium and less of his neck,
22:29thank you.
22:30LAUGHTER
22:31It's...
22:32I mean, the mullet was traditionally, like,
22:33business in the front party in the back,
22:35but that's...
22:36Yeah, that's national front party.
22:38LAUGHTER
22:41I apologise on behalf of my nation.
22:43Thank you, thank you.
22:44Tom, what did you get up to?
22:45Well, I'm thinking about getting a skullet.
22:46LAUGHTER
22:48I had a...
22:49I had a tumble, actually.
22:50I realised I was getting old.
22:51I had a tumble down the stairs the other day.
22:53Ooh.
22:54Yeah, and my wife...
22:55It's given my wife the biggest ick ever.
22:57LAUGHTER
22:58My wife describes...
22:59She was doing one of her voice notes that she does
23:01that lasts about...
23:02They're, like, essentially a podcast.
23:03They go on for about 40 minutes.
23:04LAUGHTER
23:05And she...
23:06And I walked into the room and she said,
23:08Tom's just come in the room.
23:09He had a fall this morning.
23:11He had a fall?!
23:13I was, like, like, genuinely, like,
23:15oh, he's about 60 now.
23:17He's, like...
23:18Like, we're going to get, like, one of those little showers
23:19in a bar, like, a little seat in a bar.
23:21Aren't you getting a little tartan trolley to put in shopping?
23:24LAUGHTER
23:25Well, I think, genuinely, she's...
23:26Yeah.
23:27It's a very sad state of affairs.
23:28Yeah.
23:29I'm worried that she thinks, yeah, like, I'm an old man.
23:30I'm a gilf.
23:31You need to stop putting a handkerchief up your sleeve.
23:32LAUGHTER
23:33With my old grey skullet.
23:36LAUGHTER
23:37And, Ellie, we talked about Alex and Backstreet Boys,
23:41but you are aware of his love of boy bands.
23:43I am, actually.
23:44Oh, yeah.
23:45Because Alex and I, we spent a week in Indonesia last year,
23:48for work purposes, before the rumour mill starts,
23:51and we drove a lot, didn't we?
23:53We were in a car for eight hours a day.
23:54Yeah.
23:55I would say seven out of those eight hours a day
23:57were probably spent with Alex telling me about Justin Timberlake.
23:59LAUGHTER
24:01The other hour was you shouting at mopeds.
24:03LAUGHTER
24:06So I learned a lot.
24:07It's a real mixed bag.
24:09LAUGHTER
24:10Now, look, normally we'd end this part of the show
24:12on something upbeat, but...
24:14Alex received some sad news this week.
24:16Yeah, I mean, this really...
24:17Not me for six, this one.
24:19Yeah.
24:20It was announced this week that, um,
24:22the chain of Vodka Revolution bars,
24:25they've gone into administration.
24:27LAUGHTER
24:28They are no more.
24:30Mm-hm.
24:31They're done.
24:32And I just feel like the memories that I've made
24:34and then lost...
24:35LAUGHTER
24:36..in those places.
24:37And it was like, you know, it's like, you know...
24:39I mean, first...
24:41First they came for Tiger Tiger and I did not speak out.
24:43LAUGHTER
24:44Then they come for Oceana and I did not speak out.
24:47But this is...
24:48The country's gone.
24:49Come on, you...
24:50Right, I've got some of my happiest
24:52and some of my saddest memories, actually.
24:54I remember an awful time of...
24:56You just have just enough Bacardi Breeze or whatever.
24:59I remember seeing this girl that I'd fancied for ages
25:01in a, uh, Vodka Revolutions
25:03and she was dancing with some friends
25:05and I went up to sort of...
25:06I was like, I've had enough drink now,
25:07I'm going to go and sort of try and chat her up.
25:09So I walked over and did my usual gambit
25:11and went, uh,
25:12Oi! Oi!
25:13And she just looked...
25:14LAUGHTER
25:15And I said, do you want to dance?
25:16And her and her friends were sort of dancing around these handbags.
25:18And, uh...
25:20God, you are old, aren't you?
25:21LAUGHTER
25:22She went forward and she went, um...
25:24And I thought she was going to say something romantic
25:26and she said, me and my friends are just going to go to the toilet,
25:28all right, to watch your handbags.
25:29And I went, yeah, cool, cool.
25:31And they were going for like six songs.
25:33I thought, oh, she hated me that much.
25:35She's actually just left the bags.
25:37And I looked round at the bar
25:38and then they were all sitting together with these other lads.
25:40LAUGHTER
25:41And I thought, oh, well, I've been given a job,
25:44I should see it through.
25:45So I went over to the...
25:48..to the girls with these lads at the bar and went,
25:50uh, excuse me, ladies, did you forget your bag?
25:53LAUGHTER
25:54And this bloke turned round and he went,
25:55what are you, a fucking cloakroom?
25:57LAUGHTER
25:59And, uh, yeah, for the next ten years,
26:01every time I saw him in Vodka Revolutions, he'd go,
26:03Oi, cloakroom, hold this.
26:05LAUGHTER
26:06And I just had to walk round with a random guy's jacket
26:08for the rest of the evening.
26:09So, yeah, happy memories.
26:10LAUGHTER
26:11And that's what we've now lost.
26:13Yeah.
26:14I don't entirely understand the cultural significance
26:16of all of this,
26:17but I do know Alex wasn't this upset when the Queen died.
26:20LAUGHTER
26:23You know what I mean?
26:24I'm half expecting David Beckham to queue up for hours
26:26outside of Vodka Revolution now,
26:28while Paddington leads a shot of raspberry vodka into the sunset.
26:31LAUGHTER
26:33But, Alex, I believe you want to mark this moment
26:36with something special, right?
26:37Yeah, I think it's only fitting to say goodbye
26:39to Vodka Revolution and, um...
26:41LAUGHTER
26:42Wow.
26:43With a five...
26:44With a five-shot salute.
26:45Tommy, I don't know if you'd mind doing the honours, please.
26:47Oh, wow, of course, of course.
26:49I know you're getting to that age now
26:51where this is the sort of thing you'll take up, so...
26:53LAUGHTER
26:54LAUGHTER
26:55LAUGHTER
26:59If you please, this is...
27:01It's a Vodka Revolution.
27:03Yeah? Oh, yeah.
27:04OK.
27:05OK.
27:06LAUGHTER
27:07LAUGHTER
27:08LAUGHTER
27:39At the going down of the sun, and in the morning, we probably won't remember them.
27:55We'll have more last thing for you after the break, as Trump blows up America and Melania
27:58bombs at the box office.
28:00Plus, we want to know what should we call the upcoming Gorton and Denton by-election.
28:03Message us on WhatsApp or Instagram, use the hashtag unwanted election.
28:06We'll see you in a little bit.
28:09Welcome back to Last Leg.
28:24We're joined by Ellie Taylor and Tom Davis.
28:27Just want to give a quick shout out to anyone feeling the loss of Catherine O'Hara tonight,
28:31the amazing comedy legend.
28:32We're here to tell you, you are not alone.
28:35Let's look overseas at the news now.
28:36Batty Natty said, is it okay that we're watching America implode?
28:40I mean, where do we start?
28:42Since we were last on air, Donald Trump and his administration kidnapped and deposed a world
28:46leader, guilt-tripped a Nobel Prize winner into giving him her medal, threatened to go to war
28:51with Iran, failed to rule out taking Greenland by force, and lied about the deaths of two
28:56U.S. citizens killed by ICE agents?
28:59Don't half go big in January.
29:02You know, like a lot of us, like, you go, most of us have been waiting for this month to end,
29:06but waiting for the evenings to get lighter.
29:08We're just easing ourselves in.
29:10He's like, it's just another day, straight in, we'll kidnap a president, we'll fucking do Greenland,
29:14we'll have that.
29:14Yeah, it's like he gave up international law for New Year.
29:19Try January, it'll kill you.
29:21You've got all that time in your hands, you're not going down the Wetherspoons, you've got
29:24to fill those evenings in.
29:26There's no revolution.
29:27No.
29:28So let's start with Greenland.
29:30Donald Trump's been threatening to take control of Greenland for security reasons.
29:33Last month, pledged tariffs against nations that opposed him.
29:37He laid it back down on both threats, but not before the Belgian Prime Minister described
29:40him as being, quote, like the very hungry caterpillar.
29:44Which is the latest in a long line of Donald Trump children's books, including
29:48Spot the Dog Whistle, The Lion King, and Melania and the Giant Peach.
29:54Lads, it's mad.
29:55We're five weeks into the year and already Donald Trump has threatened to take Greenland
29:59by force.
29:59I mean, he virtually said when you're president, you can just grab them by the peninsula.
30:05Can I be honest?
30:07Yeah.
30:07About three months ago, I didn't even know if Greenland was a country in its own right.
30:12I didn't know who owned Greenland.
30:14I thought maybe America already did.
30:18And now, I think it's the most important thing in the world ever.
30:23I don't know why I care so much about this, but I think now Greenland's the most important
30:28place on Earth.
30:28Yeah.
30:29Well, Trump later...
30:30It's so important that Donald Trump later kept referring to it as Iceland during his speech
30:36to world leaders.
30:37Here it is.
30:37Here's the startling footage of his bumbling inaccuracies.
30:40I'm helping NATO, and until the last few days, when I told them about Iceland, they loved
30:47me.
30:48They're not there for us on Iceland.
30:50That, I can tell you.
30:52I mean, our stock market took the first dip yesterday because of Iceland.
30:55Iceland's already cost us a lot of money.
30:58Is the American military going to take over a chain of budget supermarkets?
31:06I mean, to be fair, Iceland is the only store that could be bombed by America and still
31:10look pretty much the same.
31:11I always, like, possibly Vodka Revolution these days.
31:17So, I forget this about Donald Trump, and every time I'm reminded of it, it really, like,
31:22hits me.
31:24He don't drink.
31:28And, you know, like, if one of your mates put the stuff he said in a WhatsApp group,
31:33you'd be going to the other lad, he's been on it.
31:36He's up at 3am, sending all these tweets, and he's just having a pack of cream.
31:41Can of Dr Pepper?
31:47Hugging his teddy bear.
31:49Still in America, Ross said, is it OK?
31:51Ice is totally out of control and terrifying to witness.
31:54We're assuming this is about America, unless Ross is an 80-year-old struggling with a new
31:58hip.
31:59No offence, Tom.
32:04Oh, Tom.
32:06Ice is the name of Donald Trump's Immigrations and Customs.
32:11Customs Enforcement, and if you haven't been across this, look, it's their job to get
32:14undocumented migrants out of America.
32:16They're doing this by raiding houses, workplaces, and stopping people on the street, and in
32:20some cases, taking them out of cars and then out of the country.
32:24Many Americans are protesting.
32:25Some are trying to stop them.
32:27Two of those Americans have recently been shot and killed at point-blank range.
32:31And if you think all this sounds historically familiar, take a look at the way the head
32:35of Ice, Greg Bovino, was dressed when he arrived in Minneapolis this week.
32:39That's him in the middle.
32:40For a guy whose members are being compared to Nazis, he hasn't not dressed like a Nazi.
32:45You know, like, when a load of your mates tell you it's fancy dress and they're the only
32:51one of you.
32:53He's there going, I thought one of you was going to go as fucking Indiana Jones.
32:58He's saying that to the guy in the yellow jacket.
33:00All right, so look, we need a palate cleanser right now, so let's bring on this week's mystery
33:04guest.
33:04Tom and Ellie have to work out how they're related to the news.
33:06Can we have this week's mystery guest, please?
33:08Oh, oh, oh, oh, mystery guest.
33:20Uh, Josh, Alex, who is the mystery guest?
33:21This is Sharon.
33:23Sharon was in the news this week.
33:25But why?
33:26Can we have the dramatic lighting change, please?
33:30So, has Sharon been in the news because, A,
33:34she's had her garden fence slowly stolen by thieves,
33:37One plank a night for two months
33:41B she was caught spying on her neighbor for a hole she made in her fence
33:45But one thing led to another and this week they got married
33:50We're showing in the news because she's built a huge statue of Claudia Winkleman on her garden fence
34:00Yeah, that's maybe the most I'd love to see the film of that as well
34:04That'd be a beautiful thing
34:07Claudia Winkleman
34:08Don't answer
34:09She can't answer
34:11I'll tell you what we'll reveal the mystery guests after the break we'll prepare Josh and Alex for an ashes forfeit as well
34:17Plus we want to know what we should call the upcoming Gorton and Denton by-election
34:21Messages on whatsapp or Instagram use the hashtag unwanted election. We'll see you in a little bit
34:37Welcome back to the last egg, we're joined by Ellie Taylor and Tom Davis
34:42I mean I know I've got a holiday beard but someone just messaged to say if you squint at the screen Adam looks like an old version of Mel Gibson
34:54Does that mean your views are more extreme?
34:57Now before the break we challenged Ellie and Tom to work out how this person was connected to the news. Can we have the options again, please?
35:03Yes, so was Sharon in the news because her garden fence was slowly stolen by thieves one plank a night for two months
35:10Was it because she was caught spying on her neighbor for a hole she made in her fence?
35:14And one leg one thing led to another and this week they got married or is it because she's built a huge statue of Claudia Winkleman on her garden fence?
35:23What do you think?
35:24I like the idea of one as well in the fact that they were making a sort of panel of time and then just being like, you know
35:29How many pedals we need Dean?
35:31Just do one a time and we'll see if we've got enough
35:33Yeah, slowly building the fence
35:35I mean two is lovely, it's a happy ending but horrifically creepy initially
35:41Yeah, weirdly how I met my wife
35:42Yeah
35:44There's a hole in the gym, er...
35:46LAUGHTER
35:47That sort of thing
35:49It was eventually she was spying on it, it was another guy
35:52But he just didn't go into the gym that day and er, yeah, so...
35:56So what do you think?
35:57Weirdly actually, my name in the gym was Big Winkleman
36:00Winkleman, yeah
36:01LAUGHTER
36:03Look, I think that the statue of Claudia Winkleman in your garden is weirdly sort of the second...
36:11The most believable, I think
36:12Also the second creepiest thing, erm...
36:14All right, you gonna go with that?
36:15No, I'm gonna go, I think we should go with Winkleman
36:16Sharon, can you reveal...
36:17Yeah, let's go with Winkleman
36:18How you're connected to the news?
36:19I'm Sharon and I made a life-size model of Claudia Winkleman a stucker on my fence
36:27Wow!
36:28Wow!
36:29Wow!
36:30Wow!
36:31Wow!
36:32Wow!
36:33Wow!
36:34Yeah
36:35And you've brought it...
36:36You've brought it with you as well
36:38I have!
36:39This is the Claudia Winkleman that has been on your fence
36:41Oh my God
36:42Ha ha ha ha!
36:43It's so good!
36:44Wow!
36:45Wow!
36:46Wow!
36:47Wow!
36:48Sharon!
36:49Wow!
36:50Sharon, please tell me you came here by train
36:53LAUGHTER
36:54What was getting?
36:56The idea of people going,
36:57Oh, the Winkleman's on the train!
36:59LAUGHTER
37:00And you've made...
37:01I mean, you've made many before
37:02You've made Ed Sheeran, you've made Alan Carr
37:04I have the Queen, the King
37:06And for us tonight, you've made versions of Josh and Alex and I as well
37:10Yeah
37:11These are...
37:12These are quite remarkable
37:13Oh my God
37:14Oh my God
37:15Wow!
37:16That is incredible!
37:18LAUGHTER
37:19That is so good!
37:20That is amazing!
37:21They are brilliant!
37:22They are brilliant!
37:23I am loving this!
37:24Yeah!
37:25It was a lot of work
37:26I seem to have...
37:27You seem to have given me Alex's feet!
37:28I know!
37:29Yours didn't take too long to make, because I already had a model of King Charles.
37:34LAUGHTER
37:35So I only...
37:36I only had to tweak it a little bit!
37:37LAUGHTER
37:38All right, Sharon, you can fuck off!
37:39LAUGHTER
37:40Grand applause for Sharon!
37:41Thank you, Sharon!
37:42Thank you!
37:43Oh, so good!
37:44All right, thank you, Sharon!
37:45Thank you!
37:46Thank you, Sharon!
37:47Oh, so good!
37:48All right, so good!
37:49Thank you, Sharon!
37:50Thank you!
37:51Oh, so good!
37:52All right, so good, now, we'll do this for you too.
37:55And we're having to give you a special moment!
37:57You're having to give you a special moment!
37:59Oh, thank you!
38:00How am I going to expect every day!
38:01Oh I'm going to invite you a little bit!
38:03Thank you, Sharon!
38:04Oh my God!
38:05I've been telling you that!
38:06What is this?
38:07Well, I am the only way to give you some of your hats
38:09So good.
38:10All right, let's talk sport now.
38:12And Adam Hills said,
38:13Is it OK that Australia won the Ashes?
38:15And now Josh and Alex have to face an over from an Ashes legend.
38:19Great question, Adam Hills.
38:20Love your comedy, by the way.
38:22Yes, Australia beat England 4-1 in the recent Ashes series.
38:25Are we all feeling OK about that?
38:27Yeah.
38:28I mean, to be fair with cricket-wise, yeah.
38:31I mean, I'll let you have the cricket.
38:33Football, I'm all about football next year, but, yeah.
38:35We'll let you.
38:36I don't get as invested in the cricket.
38:40But, yeah, it's sort of sad to see us lose, but...
38:43Expected.
38:44Is the word you're looking forward to end that sentence?
38:46Josh and Alex now have to fulfil their end of a bet that we had.
38:50So at the end of tonight's show,
38:51they have to face an over from an Ashes legend.
38:54Wow.
38:54It's going to happen live in the studio.
38:56But earlier today, they headed to Lourdes to get some batting tips
38:59from three times Ashes-winning legend Matthew Pryor.
39:02Here's how it played out.
39:06We're joined by three-time Ashes winner, England's Matt Pryor.
39:12And I'm going to say it,
39:13the best wicket-keeper batsman England have had in my lifetime.
39:16Oh, wow.
39:17We're here to get tips.
39:18And the biggest kind of tip I was wondering is,
39:22what's the best way to just get out the way of the ball?
39:26As the ball's released, just lie down.
39:28Just lie down.
39:28Just lie down.
39:29And then it's going to go over you.
39:31Right.
39:32Are you going to wear both pads, Brooker?
39:35Don't know.
39:37Would you put a pad on a prosthetic leg?
39:39It's closing the door after the horse has bolted, really, isn't it?
39:42It's definitely in for a pound, isn't it?
39:46Right, guys, you've got all your gear on.
39:47Three things to focus on.
39:49Eyes level, balanced feet,
39:51and most important thing,
39:52just watch the ball all the time.
39:55Watch the ball.
39:56Oh!
39:56There you go.
40:01That's a good shot.
40:02Look at this.
40:03Where are your hands in those gloves, Brooker?
40:06Do you want to see?
40:08Here you go.
40:09No.
40:10No.
40:10I feel like I'm working a kid's shoe shop.
40:13No.
40:14No.
40:15No.
40:15There.
40:17Come on, Brooker.
40:18Watch the ball.
40:20Shoot me!
40:22There we go.
40:25Oh!
40:25Oh!
40:26What a catch!
40:28Still got it!
40:32Oh!
40:37Oh!
40:39That is, I'm going to say,
40:41the best minute of my life.
40:43I loved that.
40:46Shots!
40:46Oh!
40:46Bowling!
40:47Oh, good!
40:48Easy.
40:49What's that?
40:50I've got nothing to worry about.
40:51You boys are ready.
40:52And what was that, like, 60, 70, 80?
40:54No, that was more like 20 miles an hour.
40:58What have you got to face tonight?
40:5990 miles an hour.
41:02Cheers.
41:03Lovely to meet you guys.
41:03Thank you, mate.
41:04All the best.
41:04Cheers.
41:05Go well.
41:05Stay tuned after the break,
41:14because Josh and Alex will face it over
41:16from an Ashes legend live in the studio.
41:18And Ellie's going to wrap up the last seven days.
41:20We'll see you in a little bit.
41:21APPLAUSE
41:22Welcome back to Last Leg.
41:37We're joined by Ellie Taylor and Tom Davis.
41:39Alex and Josh are off preparing for the end of the show.
41:42So we've got the stand-in.
41:44LAUGHTER
41:44Ellie's going to take us through the best of the last seven days.
41:49What have you got?
41:49Adam, would you like to see an incredible clip
41:52involving a giant puddle
41:53where, let's be honest,
41:54we all know what's going to happen?
41:56Yes, please.
41:57LAUGHTER
41:58Do you want me to pass through a gram?
42:00LAUGHTER
42:01LAUGHTER
42:02LAUGHTER
42:06LAUGHTER
42:08LAUGHTER
42:10And one more, please.
42:22Would you like to see the unfortunate moment
42:23where a sweet girl is playing with her grandfather
42:26until silly grandad takes it a step too far?
42:29You're good at this.
42:29Yes, please.
42:30LAUGHTER
42:31No, give it a squeeze, Dilly.
42:39Squeeze it.
42:40LAUGHTER
42:41LAUGHTER
42:42LAUGHTER
42:43LAUGHTER
42:47LAUGHTER
42:49LAUGHTER
42:51LAUGHTER
42:52LAUGHTER
42:53We asked you to rename the Gorton and Denton by-election.
42:59Anthony said a shit stew on the M62.
43:03LAUGHTER
43:04Harriet said the Great Gadby,
43:05cos it's the Gordon and Denton by-election.
43:08It's very nice.
43:09War of the Posers.
43:11Johnny said Kieran Loathing in Gordon.
43:14But a few people said,
43:15and I think this might be what we dub it,
43:17the Mancunian candidate.
43:19LAUGHTER
43:20Very nice, right?
43:22Well done, Malk and Mark and all of you.
43:24Also, we asked you on Instagram,
43:25is Josh drinking the same water as his cat disgusting?
43:28Yes.
43:29The results are in...
43:30Good.
43:3184% said yes, it is disgusting.
43:34So nice.
43:3584%.
43:35Who are the 16%?
43:36LAUGHTER
43:37The cats.
43:39The cats.
43:41Josh and Alex are about to end the show
43:42by facing it over from an Ashes legend,
43:44but before they do,
43:45would you please thank our guest for tonight,
43:46Ellie Taylor.
43:47APPLAUSE
43:48And Tom Davis.
43:53CHEERING
43:54And my co-host, Josh Whittakin
43:56and Alex Brooker.
44:00We'll be back next week with artist Grayson Perry,
44:02comedian Judy Love and singer Tyler Ballgame,
44:04but right now, it's time to fulfil a forfeit.
44:07Since Australia won the Ashes,
44:09Josh and Alex now have to face an over
44:11from an Ashes legend.
44:13So, let's bring out the Batsmen.
44:15APPLAUSE
44:16Now, I'm going to be honest,
44:30there was a slight mix-up with the booking.
44:32We don't have an Ashes legend.
44:35What we ended up with was an Ash who is a legend.
44:38So, please welcome Leslie Ash.
44:40I'll go round this side, I'll take this out.
44:49Oh, yeah, OK.
44:50There you go.
44:53Welcome.
44:54Leslie, I mean, is this how you thought
44:56you were going to be spending your Friday night?
44:58Yeah, of course.
44:59Do it all the time.
45:01All right, I'm going to give you a hand up there
45:02onto the box.
45:03I'm going to feed you balls.
45:04Yeah, you take that.
45:06OK, oh, come on, you made that dirty.
45:10Right.
45:10Leslie and Leslie, can I just see one first
45:12to get a feel for the speech?
45:14OK, can you just...
45:15I'm just going to go back while you do one in first, OK?
45:18OK, all right.
45:19Ready?
45:19Yeah.
45:22Fuck!
45:25Oh, I've got stuck to the netting as well.
45:28Fuck this, see you later.
45:29OK, are you ready?
45:34Josh, here's your first delivery.
45:39Jesus, wow.
45:40I'm really good at this.
45:43Oh, we've got a battle one.
45:47Oh!
45:47Oh, those are your three.
45:49Alex, do you want to step forward?
45:50Oh, my word.
45:52Oh, my God, I can't even hold the...
45:54Good luck, mate.
45:56Tom, get ready to play the last post again.
45:59Hey, Alex, it's not often someone bats
46:03and is also short-legged.
46:07I don't know what that means.
46:08OK, here we go.
46:09Are you ready?
46:11Whoa!
46:12Right through.
46:13Look at him.
46:14Jesus.
46:14OK.
46:15Right, this is...
46:16Ready?
46:16Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
46:19Whoa!
46:24Last one.
46:26Ready?
46:26Go!
46:29That was my favourite.
46:33Would you please like Lesley-Anne?
46:35Yeah!
46:35Woo!
46:40Thanks for watching The Last Leg.
46:42My name's Alex Hild.
46:43We'll see you next week for The Next Leg.
46:45Yeah!
46:46Woo!
46:47Woo!
46:47Woo!
46:47Woo!
46:48Woo!
46:48Woo!
46:49Woo!
46:49Woo!
46:50Woo!
46:50Woo!
46:51Woo!
46:51Woo!
46:52Woo!
46:52Woo!
46:53Woo!
46:53Woo!
46:54Woo!
46:54Woo!
46:55Woo!
46:55Woo!
46:56Woo!
46:56Woo!
46:57Woo!
46:58Woo!
46:58Woo!
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