- 4 weeks ago
ESSENCE's Senior lifestyle editor chats with experts in all things childcare to understand the effects of the pandemic on our kids and adjusting to parenting in "the new normal."
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LifestyleTranscript
00:00Good afternoon, everyone, and thank you for tuning in to yet another Wellness Check.
00:04I'm Victoria Ulmeroghi, the Senior Lifestyle Editor for Essence Magazine,
00:07and I'm here to help facilitate a conversation that's very near and dear to my heart,
00:12and that's about parenting and the pandemic. While a lot of people feel things are on the
00:16up and up presently and requirements for face masks and things like that have eased,
00:20as was a lot of the precautions that were previously put in place to keep us safe,
00:24the last two years have been difficult for everyone, especially parents, if I must say
00:28so myself. I gave birth, as an example, at the beginning of the pandemic to my first child,
00:34and ever since then, it's been a weird balance of trying to weigh what's best for him in regards
00:40to his physical health with what's best for him in regards to socializing and meeting other children
00:45and just getting to converse and pick up different skills and things, so it's been complicated.
00:51And as a parent of a child under five, it's been tough to know what to do,
00:54especially since this group is the only one left awaiting a vaccine, but I know it's been hard for
00:59all parents. And so as children of all ages were impacted by the isolation, past virtual learning
01:05requirements, mask rules, and more, we need some help to know how to move forward. So to help with
01:10that, I've gathered a few experts in all things child care to talk about the effects of the last
01:14two years and the path forward. So help me to welcome first, Dr. Rebecca Fenton. She's a pediatrician
01:21and adolescent medicine specialist, Dr. Earl Turner. He's a licensed psychologist and founder
01:28of Therapy for Black Kids. Christina Garrett. She's the productivity coach and founder of the
01:34Momathon Diaries. And joining us later, we'll hear from early childhood and elementary educator,
01:40kindergarten teacher, and creator of the Black History Club, Donovan James. Thank you all for
01:46joining me. I really appreciate you making your time, making time for us to chat today. Thank you so much.
01:51So let's get right into it. And I'll start with Dr. Turner. So Dr. Turner, we know that for a time
01:57there, a lot of students and children weren't in school or daycare and virtual learning was a
02:02prevalent option. Kids are back in schools now, but how did you find that the time away from people
02:08of their age groups and the uncertainty of that time impacted our youth? Yeah, I'm very familiar with
02:15the data. And so I'm glad we're having this conversation because what we've seen is that a lot of
02:21kids are struggling. I think the recent data from the Surgeons General noted about one in three
02:27school-based children are reporting some mental health challenges, you know, sadness or hopelessness
02:32about the future. So I think that that uncertainty impacted kids in a lot of different ways.
02:38Obviously, not being able to see their friends and play was a huge challenge for them. But I think
02:43also like the demands for younger children in schools with like being able to like decide when
02:49am I going to be able to do my schoolwork virtually or have time to like spend with family and friends
02:54was also difficult. So I think for me, one thing that I often talk about is really, you know, we assume
03:00that kids are very resilient and they can overcome challenges. And that's true to a certain extent.
03:05But for resiliency to occur, we have to engage in some type of action.
03:09And Dr. Fenton, we've heard so many things about children not having significant illnesses from COVID
03:14infections. But then we heard around the Omicron surge that children, especially those under five,
03:20were being hospitalized in greater rates than before. For the particular youth that you care for,
03:25how are they physically responding to COVID? And were you seeing many come in testing positive for it?
03:30So like you said, initially in the pandemic, we described this framing of it, oh, it's really an adult
03:35issue and the kids are fine. But as Dr. Turner has described from mental health standpoint,
03:39they certainly have not been. And there's a lot of new issues that they've been dealing with.
03:42Even physically, we're seeing some significant impacts that have worsened with Omicron. And so
03:46during just this last surge, hospitals reporting that they were seeing the highest rates of
03:51hospitalizations for young people than they have throughout the entire pandemic, while often the
03:55general message was, oh, this surge is not that bad. It's more of a mild illness. We did not see that
03:59for young people. And that specifically, there were significant inequities. And so whenever there's
04:03inequities, there's a need for protection. So we saw that Black youth, despite having about similar rates,
04:08even before Omicron, of COVID infections to white youth, they were more likely to be hospitalized,
04:13more likely to die from COVID. And specifically, that's seeing higher rates of MIS-C, which is a
04:19very severe inflammatory syndrome that could lead to death because of the significant impacts. And so
04:23certainly super important for us to recognize that children and young people are not immune.
04:27And that also, as we talked about, these are our babies. So even if there's one child who's dying from
04:31a preventable illness, we all should care about that rather than necessarily saying, oh,
04:35the children are fine because it has significant impacts on their lives.
04:38And Christina, as a mother of five, how did your kids handle the earliest, most complicated days
04:44of COVID? And how are you able to juggle things?
04:47Well, we're a homeschooling family. So we've had our little ones with us for an extended period of time.
04:55Did everybody see? Everyone on Instagram started gardening during the pandemic, right? Even if it was
04:59this big, they bought plants. They just did everything they needed to, to ride the wave.
05:04And so we were no different. I had to learn how to have my kids with me for an extended period of time
05:10and learn how to make it work. You know, there's a system and a method to the madness, but, you know,
05:16having all five of them and they're loud and, you know, busy, our four boys, you know, so they're
05:21always rough and tumble, really learning how to work and serve my community. And, you know,
05:27those different things while the children were with me, you know, was a thing. And so
05:31all of a sudden everyone was doing their work around the dining room table together. We had to
05:36adapt, you know, to having everyone in a closed space. But I think we began to realize that there
05:41were some holes, you know, some things we were doing because parents historically were the first
05:47teacher, the first leader, the first example. And we've been able to kind of send our kids to
05:53someone else for the majority of the day while we're at work and we're doing other things.
05:57So then you realize the teacher was not lying. My kid is wild. And now we have to adapt,
06:04you know, adapt accordingly. So just like many families, it was definitely a shock for us,
06:08especially with my husband being home and all of us really slowing down. But I've found that
06:13slowing down isn't a bad thing. It can be a really wonderful thing.
06:16And Dr. Turner, I asked Dr. Fenton about the physical impacts of COVID on the youth. But
06:21as she also mentioned, and you mentioned initially, young people were greatly impacted mentally.
06:26There was a significant rise in teenagers, for example, who are hospitalized for suicidal
06:30ideations and attempts. Can you speak to that as well as how we can go about supporting our
06:35children's mental health when we don't even really realize that they may be hurting or that
06:39things are going on? Absolutely. Yeah. I mean, we've definitely been seeing increases in suicide
06:44risk, especially among Black youth. And so I think one of the things that I've sort of noticed is
06:50that sometimes as, you know, life is busy. And so I think even for the most involved parent,
06:56it can really be difficult to like stop sometimes to do like a check-in. And so I've really encouraged
07:02parents to like make that time to check in with your kid. You know your child's personality,
07:08you know, when they are feeling sort of low. And so oftentimes we do this quick check-in,
07:13how was school, how are you today? And most kids would be like, yeah, it was good. And they're
07:18gone. And so I think really taking some time to like sit with that and ask some more direct
07:23questions. You know, is there something that made you feel upset today? Is there something that makes
07:27you feel overwhelmed? Do you feel like you don't want to live anymore? I know the like questions
07:32around suicide thinking can be really difficult to have and scary for a lot of parents. But I think
07:38the more that you're direct and ask those questions, then you're able to sort of get the answer to know,
07:42do I need to actually take my child to get some help and get that support that they need from
07:47a professional? So don't be afraid to really be explicit with your kid. And most kids would be
07:52honest and say, you know, I'm feeling really bad. I had a bad day at school, whatever the situation
07:57is. I think we need to be really explicit with our kids and ask those really tough questions that
08:01sometimes we don't have the, we don't have the time to stop and ask.
08:05And Dr. Fenton, how have the parents that you've worked with as a pediatrician
08:09taken to the idea of having their teens vaccinated? There have been some reports that the response
08:14hasn't been the best. And there have been questions also about efficacy, like how strong
08:19it has been in their systems. Have you dealt with that? And what would you say to people
08:24who have questions about whether or not to make that decision?
08:28So I'll start with the safety for the vaccine. We actually found that it was actually a similar
08:31impact for young adults and that actually adolescents in the trials that we saw reported less of the
08:37side effects, which are most commonly painted the site reaction, headaches, as well as fatigue.
08:41And so now we actually recommend that everybody 12 and above get the booster, which is similar
08:45recommendations for adults, but we aren't necessarily seeing that adolescents are having less strong
08:50of effect than any other group that we have the vaccine available for so far. So I find that parents
08:54are kind of in different places. Sometimes it's like, hey, the whole family, we're not quite sure if we
08:58want to get vaccinated yet. We still want more information. And in those cases, I highly recommend
09:02looking at reputable sources and talking with providers or your physician,
09:06like a pediatrician that you trust to be able to have somebody who's actually reviewing the science
09:11and describing some of their experiences with other patients and hopefully can be able to give
09:14you advice for your particular family situation. There's another group of parents who are like,
09:18we got ourselves covered because we heard the message that it's more scary for us, but that our
09:21kids are okay. But the reality is with a lot of states making changes and who has to wear a mask,
09:26it's really important to make sure that we're giving people the most effective form of protection
09:29is the vaccine. And as we talked about also the significant negative impacts, whether that be mental health
09:34or physical health or even long COVID symptoms that we don't even fully understand, vaccines are going
09:39to be the safest route there. And then thankfully, we've had families who are eagerly signing up to
09:43say, okay, cool, my kids could be covered. We're just waiting for the under five to get covered to
09:47to make sure that the whole family is protected. And again, that's going to be the safest way.
09:51But I think we do any family disservice by assuming that their questions are like not worth getting
09:57into. Like I think sometimes doctors are falsely saying like, oh, this is a really easy decision.
10:01And when I'm sitting with families, I'm realizing they're really weighing the risks of, hey, I've
10:05protected my family thus far. Did we or did we not do a disservice to our kids with all the screen
10:11time that they have had since the pandemic began? I'll start with you, Christina. Did you have, did
10:17your kids experience a lot of screen time? How did you feel about that? And I'll move around to each of
10:21you. I think that screen time is a constant battle in today's society, not just because of the children,
10:29but because of the parents. So I will add that there have been times I've told my kids, put that
10:34phone away. My phone is in my hand and I'm on Instagram, right? So sometimes we're telling them
10:42something. We're encouraging them, but we're up late at night with the laptop open. We're checking our
10:48emails. We're scrolling and watching reels and, you know, all these things that we're telling our
10:53children take less time, but we ourselves are not a reflection of the best example of that.
10:59So I would say, you know, yes, I think my kids had too much tech time. And at a certain point,
11:06you know, my children are 14, my twins are 11. I have a seven-year-old and a four-year-old.
11:11So my 11-year-old son, I would say, listen, it's time to clean up. It's time to switch gears,
11:16you know, and let's clean up around the house. And he will kind of put the phone down to have a,
11:20hmm, you know, kind of, I'm not excited to do what I'm supposed to do. And so we had to have
11:25a conversation, you know, between the two of us. If you have a problem with letting this go,
11:32what does that say to me as your mom? That tells me that you don't need more time. You actually need
11:38less because it's hard for you to leave it alone. And he kind of put one plus one together for himself.
11:44And since we've had that conversation once or twice, I've never had to tell him,
11:48have a good attitude about cleaning the kitchen, have a good attitude about helping out around the
11:53house. So I think that when we do things with a healthy balance, that's really important.
11:58I think parents need to be better examples for our children. A lot of times we are
12:02seeing a reflection of ourselves. And I think that's the biggest bother. You know,
12:07we all have a kid that's just like us. It's like, ooh, and you realize that that's actually a little
12:12you looking back at you. So I think that screen time can be problematic. But I think that if we
12:18make a commitment as a family to do less, then it will be much more successful.
12:24And what have been the benefits, would you guys say, of this time, if there are any for young
12:29people and for, you know, parents? I would say, speaking personally, as a parent of a young child,
12:34I have the chance to see a lot of the milestones my son reached, like, in person, as opposed to like,
12:38oh, your son just started walking today at daycare. So that's been nice. But what you say have been
12:47the positive impacts that you've seen? And I'll start with Dr. Turner.
12:51Yeah, I'm glad you asked about the positive benefits, because I think that we focus so much
12:56on the negatives during the pandemic. So I think the reality is that not every child did that during
13:03the pandemic. There were a lot of kids that did thrive and did really well. And so I think that,
13:07you know, one of those has been having that connection and family support. We know in the
13:11Black community, the importance of family, a unit and community for us, and that connection is really
13:17important. So I think for a lot of families, that was really helpful to have some of that time
13:21together that they, you know, did have because of work and other obligations with activities.
13:26I also think that it's really important to think about, you know, during this pandemic for some of
13:31our youth, as Dr. Frank mentioned, you know, LGBT youth, especially of color, that they may experience
13:37bullying and things like that outside any school environment. So I think minimizing some of those
13:42stresses and things for some of you has also been a benefit during the pandemic as well.
13:49And lastly, how do we make up for the time that our children didn't get to socialize,
13:54which is so important to development now, and to do so safely? You know, like I said, the mask rules
14:00are changing and children are going outside and meeting up and things. Even in school, they're taking
14:05the mask off. So like, what's the best way to like, let kids be with one another and have fun, but
14:10also, you know, do our best to try to keep them safe. And I'll let Dr. Fenton start.
14:16All right. I would not be the doctor in the group if I didn't say that vaccination is going to be the
14:19safest protection. And so if your children are eligible for vaccines, please get them vaccinated.
14:24If you have any questions, reaching out to your healthcare provider to be able to have that
14:26conversation, especially as we talked about with all the other things changing, like that's going to be
14:30the surefire way to be able to make sure that your family is as safe as possible.
14:32The second thing is recognizing that, you know, your own unique situation. So you know,
14:36if you've got family members who are elderly, you know, at higher risk living with you or
14:41immunocompromised people in the family. And so it's okay to make decisions for yourself rather
14:45than necessarily feeling like, oh, well, so-and-so's friend is with this. So I got to do this. And also
14:49just talking to your family, friends, or even organizations like camp that you're planning on
14:54looking into for your child to get a sense of what their COVID protocols are and see if that fits
14:58with what you think would be best for your family and recognizing that this whole time we've kind of been
15:02negotiating what feels safe for us. And I just want to empower parents to do what feels safe for you
15:06and your family and not feeling like you've got to have to let go with the flow. And then the last
15:11thing I was going to say about the importance of socialization is I think we enjoyed this step back
15:16and opportunity rest. And I think a lot of us are feeling like we've got to make up for the last two
15:20years. And so just realize that that rest that you found so peaceful of being able to be back with
15:24your family, like Christine was describing, there's still a place for that, even in our like mid-pandemic world.
15:29And so rather than over-scheduling everybody all over again, where you feel stress and anxiety around
15:33that, making sure that you're really scheduling those rest times to still be together while balancing
15:37that with getting out more.
15:38Cool. Nice. Christina, I'll go to you for your thoughts on how to socialize your kids and everything
15:45in the safest way possible.
15:47Well, like I said, we've been masking still. We're masking at church. Even though we're one of the few
15:53at co-op, we are in our homeschool programs, we're still masking there as well so that my children get
16:00the benefits of being around other children. Early in the pandemic, it was definitely a struggle,
16:06you know, but I found something amazing happen again, because during that quiet time, we were
16:12still socializing, but we were doing it with each other. You know, before, you know, the parents were
16:18the grandmother, everyone, we were kind of the primary influences. And now we've had to bring that
16:24back in certain aspects. So I often say to clients and friends that, you know, none of us are the
16:31culmination of who we were in the sixth grade. You know, we've all matured and grown. And, you know,
16:38we've developed new relationships, whether that was in college or at work, all of these awesome places.
16:44So yes, like Dr. Turner said, children are resilient, but with action taken. And so socialization
16:49happens everywhere, not just amongst peers of your own age. When we move on past high school,
16:57you may have, you know, parents in your, in your freshman class, right? So we need to be able to
17:03teach our children how to socialize amongst many different types of people and communities and
17:09lifestyles, not just among friends, you know, or among peers their own age. So I think that exposure
17:15is everything as we go forward. And that can happen in community activities. And of course, getting
17:21together with friends, but doing so safely, you know, get vaccinated, wear your mask, those things that are
17:26comfortable for your family. And like she said, not feeling the rush to do all the things in 2022
17:32in the spring. That's okay, too. So this has been amazing, guys. You have such awesome things to say
17:39that were very pertinent to me and my life. And I'm sure a lot of people will be tuning in. And I want
17:44to just thank you guys. I want to thank our experts for being here today and sharing so much help and
17:48information as well as tools for us as we continue to wade through this great area of the pandemic where
17:54things are getting better, but we're not in the clear. A special shout out to Dr. Rebecca Fenton,
17:59Dr. Earl Turner, Christina Garrett, and later, Jonathan Jones. And please let the people know
18:06where we can follow you or learn more about you if you'd like to. Christina, if you want to start
18:11where we can find you. Sure. I'm on Facebook and Instagram at The Momathon Diaries, or you can find
18:18me online at runningamomathon.com. Okay. How about you, Dr. Turner? Yeah, you can find me on all
18:25socials at Dr. Earl Turner. You can also follow Therapy for Black Kids on Instagram and Facebook,
18:31and we have a lot of resources for parents on some general parenting tools. Awesome. How about you,
18:37Dr. Fenton? So my professional social media is rfentonmd. I'm on Twitter, and then I also have a
18:42website with the same title, rfentonmd.com. So amazing responses from everyone. Someone who wasn't
18:47able to be here today because she's busy teaching is our education expert, Donovan James. But she was
18:53able to share some insight with us about how the children she has taught as a kindergarten teacher
18:58were affected by COVID, virtual learning, and more. Let's see what she had to say and what
19:02insights she can offer parents. I would say that my students did enjoy virtual learning. I did my best
19:15experience to implement parts of the day that we would have if we were in seat online so that they
19:21could have that experience. They learned a lot when it came to technology, and so I think they enjoyed
19:28that aspect of it. We used an app called Seesaw for me to assign assignments and then for them to turn it
19:35in, and we got to use voice memos, and they got to create videos. So I do think that they enjoyed
19:41that part of our learning. Now, once they got a taste of being in seat, they would have rather
19:48done that. They would have rather physically come to school instead of being on Zoom. So we did have
19:54a time where we were hybrid, and they did express that they'd rather be at school than virtual once
20:02we started doing.
20:09With my presence on TikTok and other social media platforms, I don't know that it necessarily made
20:15learning more fun and engaging, but it definitely made teaching more fun and engaging. I saw so many
20:22comments and so many posts about the negativity of education because of virtual learning, negativity
20:30towards teachers and students and learning loss. And I really wanted to share my experience with
20:36virtual teaching to kindergartners. And it was really awesome to see parents and other teachers
20:42commenting and parents sharing what's going on with their virtual learners and how they are and are not
20:49being engaged, things that they are hearing on their child's virtual learning. So it was really cool to
20:55kind of build that community and hear from parents what was going on, and just seeing the support that
21:01parents have for teachers who were teaching virtually. So it may not have made learning more fun and engaging,
21:07but it definitely helped me as a teacher teaching during a pandemic.
21:11Now that kids are back in person, I have noticed that in my class in general, we just had to practice being
21:26around people, how to have conversations, how to share, because for a while, you know, you're just in your
21:32home with the people that you live with.
21:34Once school opened, my students did pretty well with the mask mandates and other health precautions.
21:46And I think that's because mask mandates weren't only in school, they were in other public places.
21:52So my students were used to wearing them. They would even go as far to making sure that our other
21:57classmates were wearing their masks properly. And it really became a part of our everyday routine,
22:02making sure we were doing a mask check, making sure our masks were on correctly, only taking them off
22:09when we were eating. So they did really well with it and staying, you know, at their tables and raising
22:14their hand. So they did pretty awesome with that.
22:23One tip that I have for parents navigating parenting through the pandemic is to continue to give your
22:29children space and time to adjust. We are all still adjusting, even though this has been going on for
22:35years. We all need time to adjust. Things are still changing. And kids still need time to process what's
22:43happening, to adjust to what's happening, and to adjust to that change. So my tip for you is to give
22:49them the space to adjust. Just like you need the space and time to adjust, so do they.
22:54you
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