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Jupiter Moon is a science fiction soap opera television series first broadcast by British Satellite Broadcasting's Galaxy channel in 1990. 150 episodes were commissioned and made, but only the first 108 were broadcast before the closure of BSB. Episodes 109–150 were first shown in the UK on the Sci Fi Channel in 1996.

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Transcript
00:00This is Red Spot Radio taking you through the night.
00:05More setbacks for Daedalus 10.
00:07Rumors are that somebody has run off with all the molybdenum on Leda.
00:12If someone tries to sell you 240 tons of heavy metal in the next few days,
00:16tell Charles Breland he wants it back.
00:30And they say Mars is boring.
00:57A big hello to all you first years starting at Christopher Columbus College today.
01:02Stay cool, study hard and don't eat the food.
01:07This is Ruby Kamara playing the tracks.
01:09No, we've still got another three minutes.
01:11Well, hostel must be full again.
01:13Hello.
01:14King Henry got in this afternoon.
01:16Oh, new students, eh?
01:18You two for Columbus.
01:20You know, I'd say the smart money is definitely in construction.
01:23Yeah, and what about the stupid money?
01:25The stupid money ran a book on the exam results.
01:29Will passengers for the 0040 shuttle to the Iliad Columbus College and Space Harbor...
01:35The shuttle's here.
01:36Come on.
01:37I was just getting comfortable.
01:38All I'm saying is, we need to make some money fast.
01:41Well, we can do construction.
01:42I saw an ad.
01:43I don't want to get my hands dirty.
01:45Well, that's a surprise.
01:46When there are better ways.
01:48What?
01:49New blood.
01:49Daniel.
01:51Listen.
01:52We need money.
01:53We're in trouble.
01:56Hello.
01:57Can I help you?
01:58My name's Daniel.
01:59This is Jim.
01:59Why are we waiting?
02:04Why are we waiting?
02:07Why are we waiting for the night to go?
02:13Why is he waiting for the night to go?
02:43hundred hours. And you're still awake? I'm a party animal. Oh, you're in luck then. You know why?
02:49Why? Because the Illy is a party place. You and, um, Philippe. Yeah, Philippe. You together? Yeah.
02:57Uh, no, not like that anyway. No, we're friends. We went on the ship out. I was kidnapped. I thought
03:02you were asleep. My parents thought I was a space orphan in need of adoption. Your parents came out
03:06with you then, have they? Yeah, well, they're planetologists. Um, they're doing three months
03:10at the Deep Space Observatory on, uh, I can't remember. Pacified. Oh, he remembers that sort
03:14of thing. What about your parents? Oh, that's just my father. He's at Hamburg University.
03:20The Jupiter system was the furthest I could get away. Could be worse. It could be Mars. I hear
03:25the food's not very good. What, Amelia? Oh, it's terrible. He should know. He can cook. Well,
03:30it can't be worse than the King Henry. Can it? Uh-huh. There is one chink of light in all
03:35the culinary gloom there. Oh, yeah? Yeah. Me and Jim run a tapas bar every Thursday
03:41night, don't we, Jim? We do? Tapas? Yes, uh, Japanese tapas bar in the Club Galileo.
03:47Daniel, it's Japanese. Incredible food, live music. We charge an entrance fee, but only
03:54enough to cover our overheads. Daniel. How much? Well, not very much when you consider
03:58all the ambiance, the musique, all that squidgy, fishy stuff, you know, all the stuff you can eat.
04:04Are you any good? Just try me. Uh, 300 equies for the entire term. Okay. I'm in.
04:13Hmm. No, I don't know. It's okay. I'll pay you in, too.
04:23I'll see if I can find somebody. Sleep. I want to go to sleep.
04:26Oi! Well, what about us? Well, I suppose you could wake up Rebecca. Well, this time of
04:32night could be risky. Who's Rebecca? The college bursar. If she'd known you were
04:37coming, she'd have stayed up. No, she wouldn't. Look, is there somewhere where I can get something
04:42to eat? I'm starving. Well, I could get you a sandwich, if you like. They're 20 equies, okay?
04:48Yeah, okay. Right. You get Rebecca, I'll get the food.
04:51Well, I mean, I'm getting the food, okay?
04:54Hello, Vimbo. Oh, Daniel, hello. Uh, get me a sandwich, would you? Sure. What are you doing?
05:05Navigational refresher course. Some new update to deal with traffic increases. Thank you.
05:11Don't tell me you've got to take some more exams. Oh, no, no, but, um, I know someone
05:16who might. Oh, yes? Elliot. He took his navigation 14, 15 years ago. A lot's happened since then.
05:23He may have to take a proficiency exam. Well, this is something I must see.
05:29What's in this? Nobody knows, but I believe Rebecca makes them with her own, their hands.
05:36What do you want? Um, I'm Gabriella Tansy. Um, I'm supposed to enroll.
05:46Oh. Who's that? Oh, Philippe Gervais. He's a student, too. We came out on the King Henry.
05:53Well, welcome to Christopher Columbus College. I hope you have a good time here. Come and
05:56see me in the morning. Uh, Rebecca. What? Where are they going to sleep tonight?
06:01Common room? Just a thought. Uh, cabin one. Sarah's on her own in there.
06:05Well, I expect she prefers it that way. You're lucky. We've got two spare beds in cabin one,
06:10and Daniel can show them to you. Can't you, Daniel? Yeah. Good. So you two come see me tomorrow.
06:14What did you tell her? I said we'd discuss it in the morning. Poor Annie. Poor Annie. Just look at this before you say that again.
06:44What does it mean? It's arguing that matter is composed from discrete parcels of probability. Sort of subatomic existentialism.
06:53Oh, well, now I know. Sorry? Just tell me whether it's good or bad. It's very good. The first passage is a development of a proposal by De Lucy.
07:02Who is not on the syllabus. Who is not on the syllabus. She's based at the University of Riyadh. De Lucy sets up the argument as a hypothesis. This passage goes a long way to proving it. It's brilliant.
07:13You're talking about Anna Boghani? Yes. How? Petra's training program was altered to help Anna in the run-up to her exams. I know I organized it.
07:22Well, she must have got interested in non-linear mathematics, and Petra showed her De Lucy's work as a good example. So Petra did it?
07:28Oh, don't be so stupid. Pardon? Anna's part is a conceptual leap. A brilliant conceptual leap? Yes.
07:35See, Anna Boghani's a genius. Well, possibly. Look, is this going to take long? I've got a journalist coming up I need to prepare.
07:42Not the glamorous Miss Gilland. Who's that? The woman who uncovered the Valhalla life support scandal.
07:47Never heard of it. Not before your time here. She's got news that Deedles is in trouble and she's sniffing about.
07:52I hate journalists. Well, you would. Journalists. PR people. Do you mind? I was in PR at Rio Excelsior.
07:59I'm not surprised. Look, Paul, if you don't want Anna Boghani, I'll have her for Deedles. Now I'll have to go. See you later.
08:10He's had a row with Mercedes. Another one? She's stomped off back to Valhalla.
08:15Look, how can Anna be a genius? She's failed all her other papers.
08:18Einstein was expelled from Heisenberg. He did all of his early work when he was a patent clerk.
08:24Is there any coffee left?
08:25I think so, yeah.
08:27So tell me, what are we going to do with Miss Boghani?
08:29Well, we can hardly fail a brilliant theoretical physicist.
08:34Oh, you stupid child.
08:35Oh, you're from England. Yeah. What's your problem?
08:48Well, with the shower, it doesn't work. Oh, I know.
08:50Hi.
08:51Hello. You must be the new first years.
08:54That's right. I'm Philippe.
08:55I'm Anna. They just banged the wall by the nozzle.
08:59I better go. Look, it was nice meeting you.
09:02Ciao.
09:02Ciao.
09:03Ciao.
09:03Ciao.
09:05Philippe.
09:08Hmm?
09:09She's Sardinian.
09:12Oh, God.
09:16Sarah!
09:18Oh, sorry.
09:22Oh!
09:24What's wrong with Sardinian?
09:27Damn.
09:28If you're about to tell me you've just tracked an unidentified flying object
09:31that's just made a soft landing near Valhalla base,
09:34then I don't want to know.
09:37Besides, it's your day off.
09:39My history group's been cancelled.
09:41Is that what you do on your day off?
09:43We were going to do the mariner probes in the morning
09:45and then move on to the first orbital platforms after lunch,
09:47you know, sort of make a day of it.
09:48Oh!
09:49Well, what's the matter?
09:50You are, Fimbo.
09:51You're a disgrace to the uniform.
09:53Oh.
09:54You're a sailor, for God's sake.
09:57People are supposed to lock up their daughters when you come into port.
09:59We're bawdy.
10:00We're lusty.
10:02Roystering is what you should be doing.
10:04Not discussing the number of rivets on the hull of a mariner's space probe.
10:08Yes, well, I don't happen to enjoy that kind of thing.
10:11You're not supposed to enjoy it.
10:13It's the tradition.
10:14I don't even have a tattoo, neither do you.
10:17That's different.
10:18I'm captain.
10:19We're sober and dependable.
10:22So what are you going to do, then?
10:30Finish my navigation updates.
10:44Well, the bad news is that you'll have to retake the five exams you failed.
10:53But on the other hand, you'll have extra tuition from Professor Marquand
10:56at the Association Pula Physique Thioretic.
11:00A special credit account has been opened to cover the cost of your communications,
11:03but this account is only to be used for the purpose of your research.
11:06Is that clear?
11:07Of course.
11:08My research.
11:09You'll want to continue your work on the subatomic probability mapping.
11:12Oh, yes.
11:15I'm sorry.
11:17Does this mean I've passed?
11:20I'm sorry about this, Professor.
11:22SNN is insisting on broadcast quality recording.
11:26I usually fire written interviews.
11:28Can I have a picture, please?
11:33Well, thank you.
11:34This is for Systems News Network, yes?
11:36Yeah, they'll syndicate it to Global Dancer, you know.
11:39Can you say something for the sound level, please?
11:41Let the quick brown fox jump over the lazy dog.
11:45All right.
11:47If you're ready, we can start.
11:49Ready when you are.
11:51You know Mercedes?
11:53What?
11:53Mercedes Page, a friend of mine.
11:56So is this part of the interview?
11:57No, not yet.
11:59Well, I've worked quite extensively with Miss Page.
12:01Great girl, huh?
12:03Yes.
12:03Well, okay, let's go.
12:06Three, two, one.
12:09Professor Brown, is it true that the detailer's project is close to total collapse?
12:14Well, you must have heard something.
12:16I don't know.
12:17Apparently, she went to see Paul in his office this morning.
12:20She hasn't been seen since.
12:21She's hiding.
12:22She's failed a lot, and she's hiding.
12:23You wish.
12:24Well, she's either hiding, or she's thrown herself out of the airlock.
12:28Y'all?
12:28Look, well, this is serious, Sarah.
12:30Even if she's past one, we could be in big trouble.
12:33Much trouble?
12:3515,000 echoes.
12:37What?
12:37No, I refuse to worry.
12:39There is no way Anna could have possibly passed theoretical physics.
12:43Like asking Shaq to play poker.
12:45Well, she certainly hasn't thrown herself out of the airlock.
12:48Oh, my God, it's those two, Kim.
12:51This is the common room.
12:53You can get coffee, juice, tea here, and the food is free.
12:56But most people wait until they're really desperate before they eat it.
13:00Are the sandwiches free as well?
13:02Yes, but you have to be drunk first.
13:04We call them Rebecca's Revenge.
13:07I know.
13:08I had one last night.
13:09I think it's very comforting.
13:11What?
13:11The way the student common rooms look the same.
13:13Hi, Sarah.
13:16Hi.
13:17This is really great, Daniel.
13:19They arrived last night and already were hiding from them.
13:22Hasn't the robot ever cleaned the underside of his table?
13:25Do you think there's any money in contract cleaning?
13:27I think our debts are getting out of hand.
13:29Don't worry.
13:30I'll think of something.
13:31Well, selling free sandwiches for 20 EQs
13:33is not exactly going to inspire confidence in our financial integrity.
13:37I said I'll think of something.
13:38Yeah, that's what worries me.
13:41Let's turn to the Santa Maria,
13:42the so-called ore pirates.
13:44If you like.
13:46Is it true that molybdenin is crucial to detailers?
13:49It will be used in the thrust chambers of the dealership.
13:51It is in fact the only material that is suitable for that purpose.
13:55With current technology, yes.
13:57So, without molybdenin, the whole detailers project is dead?
14:02It would be a serious setback.
14:04And the Santa Maria stole the lot?
14:07Oh, no, not at all.
14:09Tapas bar.
14:11We've got to go with the Japanese tapas bar.
14:13Oh, I don't know.
14:14No, it's a major moneymaker, Jim.
14:15And we've sold tickets.
14:17We've sold two tickets, Daniel.
14:19Two season tickets, old son.
14:23You two can come out now.
14:24They've gone.
14:26I'd much rather stay on board.
14:28You are going to Space City.
14:30You will carouse, make merry, raise hell,
14:33and generally be a credit to the uniform you wear.
14:36Well, I could go shopping, I suppose.
14:38So much for esprit de corps.
14:40Can I get you anything?
14:41Yeah, get me some rocket fuel.
14:43I'm sick of moonshine gin.
14:45Anything else?
14:46See if the latest Olga book's in yet.
14:48What's it called?
14:49Olga the Dominatrix.
14:51I think something like that.
14:51I don't know why.
14:52I don't just get it downloaded into Petra.
14:54I like hard copy.
14:56You can crack the spine in the middle of the night.
15:01Oh.
15:03Well, do you need me later?
15:05No, I'll manage.
15:06What, are you going to make a day of it?
15:07I thought I might drop in on Melody Shore.
15:09What for?
15:10To see how she is.
15:11I'll give her your love, shall I?
15:13Yeah, you do that.
15:18Captain.
15:18Ah, what can I do for you, Signorita Begani?
15:23I just wondered if you'd mind showing a couple of the new kids there.
15:26The bridge?
15:27Students aren't allowed on the bridge.
15:30I said you wouldn't mind.
15:32You're being so kind and helpful and so experienced.
15:36Thank you very much.
15:38Can I get you a drink?
15:39Oh, no, thanks.
15:40I'm catching you in the next shuttle down.
15:41Oh, I thought the interview went rather well.
15:44Yeah.
15:45Off the record.
15:47The central mayor did get all the malignant, didn't it?
15:50Off the record?
15:51No, it didn't.
15:52We arrived in time to scare them off.
15:54Empty-handed.
15:55Fair enough.
15:57Look, if you have any follow-up questions, you call me.
15:59I'm always available for the media.
16:01Well, Professor, thank you for your time.
16:04My pleasure.
16:05Bye.
16:05Petra, call Mercedes-Page.
16:13Mercedes-Page is unavailable.
16:17Record message.
16:18Ready.
16:21Mercedes, if I have wronged you, forgive me.
16:24If there is something I can do to get you back, I will do it.
16:27Call me.
16:30I need you.
16:31You must remember that the Iliad is a fully operational and space-worthy cruiser, and we
16:38could be sent anywhere at a moment's notice, and we frequently are, eh, Ms. Baganie?
16:43Aye, aye, Captain.
16:46And on the Iliad, COM-CEN, which stands, of course, for Communications Centre.
16:52I thought it stood for Command Centre.
16:55Yeah, Command as well.
16:57Anyway, COM-CEN is the most important post on the ship.
17:02From here, we oversee all its vital systems.
17:05Oversight is provided by the ship's computer, Petra.
17:08Captain?
17:09Nothing, Petra.
17:10Please repeat your request.
17:12It wasn't a request.
17:15All right, uh, Petra, stand by shuttle launch.
17:18Shuttle launching, T-minus two minutes.
17:21So, that concludes your tour of COM-CEN operations.
17:25Impressed?
17:25Yes, of course, Captain.
17:27I should hope you are.
17:29Go!
17:30Go!
17:31One more thing!
17:32I don't ever want to see any of you up here again.
17:37Ever.
17:39Go!
17:45I like that bit.
17:46Petra, why are you talking to Ruby Kumar?
18:00Okay, Ruby.
18:01Give me all the information you could get.
18:03This one is from VanderWolf for Daniel Weatherby on the Iliad.
18:22Just to say that she misses you
18:24and hopes that you can solve your little cash flow problem.
18:30Ah, isn't that sweet.
18:35This is for all you lovers out there on Pacified, IO, and Gandy.
18:40Thank you, Sammy.
18:41Another spot on track from Ruby Kumar on Red Spot Radio.
18:54No, you don't.
18:56Mind if I join you?
18:57No, no, no.
19:01Please, sit down.
19:03Thanks.
19:05The lamp carpet's very good.
19:07Is it?
19:08Sorry, I'm Sabine Galland.
19:10I'm Fimbo Lewis.
19:11Pleased to meet you.
19:12Where are you from, Fimbo?
19:14Why?
19:15Oh, look.
19:16If you'd rather be on your own, I'll find another table.
19:19Oh, no, no.
19:20Look, please sit down.
19:21I'm not very good with strangers.
19:26Petra, who exactly is Ruby Kumar?
19:29No person of that name is listed as being resident in the Jupiter system.
19:34Do you wish to widen search parameters?
19:36Yes.
19:37No, cancel that.
19:39Petra, what is Ruby Kumar?
19:41Ruby Kumar is an entertainment software package
19:44currently licensed to Red Spot Radio, Space City, Callisto.
19:48So, the DJ is just a computer program?
19:52That is correct.
19:53I thought you had a sexy voice.
19:56Petra, what mainframe does the Kamara software reside in?
20:00McCharlie Series 700, owned by Carina Corporation Callisto Division.
20:06Do you talk to it often?
20:08The Series 700 provides traffic and navigational updates for local Callisto space,
20:14as well as data storage facilities.
20:16Well, I never.
20:20Does the 700 database include geological probe data?
20:26Yes.
20:26Including restricted files?
20:29Yes.
20:30Petra, call me Charles Brevin.
20:32See, nobody wants to eat on their own.
20:34I saw you and I thought, why not?
20:36Anything wrong with it?
20:37No, no, it's just, um...
20:39Well, I'm not used to...
20:40Strange women accosting you in restaurants.
20:42Believe me, just about any social situation makes me nervous.
20:46I think you're handling this very well.
20:52Um, can we change the subject now, please?
20:56You're getting more assertive already.
20:58What do you do, Finball?
21:00I'm in the service.
21:02Man and boy?
21:03Pretty well.
21:04I know about you space pilots.
21:06A woman in every orbit, huh?
21:08Yes, I'm not a pilot.
21:11That's a relief.
21:13I'm a navigator.
21:14A first officer on the Iliad.
21:16The college ship.
21:17Hmm.
21:18Oh.
21:19Well, we don't do anything terribly exciting.
21:21It's not what I heard.
21:24Oh.
21:25What did you hear?
21:27That you had some trouble last trip out.
21:31Yes, well, that's one way of putting it.
21:37Recognize this.
21:38Hey, did you manage to stop it in time?
21:40I think so.
21:41Someone was trying to pull it out of Petra's files.
21:43Ah.
21:43Through the Ruby Kumara software.
21:46There must be a loophole.
21:47Could be a deliberate backdoor access.
21:49Nah, the network's got too complicated.
21:51Leaks like a Swiss cheese.
21:52Leaks like a Swiss cheese.
21:55Well, I can see you then.
21:56Petra, who is the listed author of the Ruby Kumara software?
22:00The Ruby Kumara software was designed and implemented by Yaland Sabine.
22:09But it isn't funny, though, is it?
22:12No.
22:15I ended up being criticized for being more interested in historical pirates than the real ones.
22:20And then, what happened?
22:24Oh, she is slick.
22:25She is very slick.
22:27That program's been in place for five years.
22:29She must have been saving it up.
22:30Won't do her any good now, though.
22:32So, do we close down Ruby Kumara, then?
22:34No, no, no.
22:35We leave the program in place.
22:37Might be useful as a conduit to the media.
22:39Still as devious as ever.
22:40I'm fighting for my life, Captain.
22:42It only takes one mistake.
22:43I have to stay lucky.
22:44Message for Charles Brennan.
22:46Petra, relay message.
22:47Message is as follows.
22:49One last chance.
22:51Mercedes.
22:52Things are looking up.
22:53But that's terrible.
22:58You see, I believe mankind should have left all that behind.
23:02Left all the violence back on Earth.
23:05Surely it's human nature?
23:07No.
23:08No.
23:10I'll never believe that.
23:11Wow.
23:13Anyway, it turned out the whole thing was a waste of time.
23:18How so?
23:20Well, I shouldn't really say.
23:23Come on, you can't leave a statement like that unfinished.
23:26Well, the Santa Maria had stripped mine leader bare.
23:32There wasn't a trace of molybdenum left.
23:48Let's play the same thing.
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