00:00So, on behalf of anyone who has walked through the fire, for those who are still finding their way, but especially for those who couldn't, we thank you for stepping into the light for us, Makayla.
00:16It is my honor to present you with the Black Women in Hollywood Award.
00:21Thank you so much, Essence, for this moment, to be honored and celebrated as a Black woman in Hollywood.
00:33The thing I have yet to reveal to Essence is that the time I spent in Hollywood itself amounts to 12 days over the course of my life.
00:42Sorry.
00:43So, it seems fitting that I take this opportunity to talk about those 12 days and the Black women who gave those days meaning.
00:52The first was a four-day trip.
00:54I had arrived to the Hollywood section of the Americas with severe jet lag and high hope to make a TV show.
01:01Chewing Gum Season 1 had just aired and its small but strong success got me a seat at the table with executive producers from an American network to pitch a show.
01:11I had no pilot, no treatment, no document at all.
01:14I only had a piece of information.
01:16A few months beforehand, my drink was spiked and I had been sexually assaulted by strangers.
01:21And at that table, I told the exec producers that I wanted to make a comedy-type thing about it.
01:27I knew, despite being unaware of my own shock and denial, that I would have to write about it in order to avoid dying from it.
01:35When I look back on that meeting, I think the executives deemed me unstable.
01:41Maybe the frantic, terrified eyes.
01:43Maybe because I had no treatment or pilot.
01:46Maybe they came to know that shortly after the meeting, I was found sleeping behind a truck on the premises.
01:52The jet lag was just too much and it was so hot.
01:55So I crouched down and slept on the ground.
01:58I don't know if I would make a show with me.
02:00To the sister who woke me up and got me a bottle of water, thank you.
02:05The second was a four-day trip in 2017.
02:09I had a photo shoot.
02:11It was the first time both my hair and makeup had been done by black women on a shoot and I looked amazing.
02:17Navasha Johnson gave me the lace wig.
02:19And Tasha Brown told me that the orange blusher in the NARS palette was the only way to be free.
02:24By this time, I had struck up an Instagram friendship with Issa Rae.
02:28I had told her I was coming to the Americas and asked her to go on a date with me to Soul Quarious Music Festival.
02:35She agreed, assuming I was sane.
02:38I tried to lay that wig again for the festival and it looked as awesome as Arabella's looks in I May Destroy You.
02:44I was so excited to be alive, to be there, to be with Issa.
02:48And the gin I was consuming was just a way of allowing any nervousness that came with that excitement to subside.
02:55Cynthia Erivo, a trusted friend and most seasoned expert to Hollywood, was trying to advise me how to act right.
03:01But I had no time for that.
03:03Then I lost concept of time altogether.
03:06I don't recall who I bought the weed muffin from.
03:09Neither do I recall things like music or performances at the festival.
03:13I only remember meeting Willow Smith, thinking, wow, she's so welcoming and nice.
03:18And why is the guitar on her back able to wave hello and smile at me?
03:22Issa, I suspect being around me might have been quite a traumatic experience.
03:27Thank you for still replying to my texts because I don't know if I would.
03:31The third was a two-day trip in 2018.
03:34I had now gotten through five or so drafts of the show we would come to know as I May Destroy You
03:39and was eager to partner with people of Hollywood to make this show happen.
03:42I spent two euphoric days pitching the show to studio after studio and walking on a beach
03:48because there's a beach near where people make TV in Hollywood, which is absolutely insane.
03:53My last meeting was with HBO and it was going really well.
03:57The exec producer asked me if I remembered her.
04:00I suddenly realised I had been here two years before with frantic, terrified eyes,
04:06where I was woken up, given water.
04:08I suddenly realised how much I had grown.
04:11The final trip was also in 2018.
04:14By now my work in Chewing Gum, Black Mirror and Black Earth Rising had allowed me access
04:18into a circle of black women in Hollywood, none of whom were aware I was both unhinged and obsessed with them.
04:25I was doing small, small DMs of Lena Waithe, Bobby Humphrey, Zendaya, Gabrielle Union,
04:30Ari Lennox, Jada Pinkett.
04:32One day, Janelle MonĂĄe DM'd me to say she'd planned a small friends-only private screening of Dirty Computer.
04:38It was that night and I was welcome to swing by.
04:41I decided not to tell her that I'd been to every single music concert of hers in England,
04:45that I'd had numerous dreams about meeting her,
04:48that I had to unfollow her on Facebook back in the day because I was beginning to dress and sing like her
04:52and I was losing my sense of self to her magic.
04:55I decided not to tell her that I wasn't actually in Hollywood, so I couldn't swing by.
05:00I instead found a flight, booked a one-way ticket and went straight from the airport to the movie theatre.
05:07I met Lena Waithe and we hugged as if we'd hugged a hundred times before.
05:12I met Kelly Rowland, who knew my name and where in Africa I was from.
05:17That was so bizarre, I began to catch migraine.
05:20Then, I finally met Janelle MonĂĄe and, well, she was like water.
05:26She flowed to everyone in the room without having to do anything.
05:31She was everything.
05:33When she came to know of the circumstances by which I came,
05:36she insisted I spent the night in the house she was currently residing in with her entire Wonderland music family.
05:42There was enough room for me.
05:44This is where my mind goes when I think of this honour essence.
05:48It goes to the black women who breathed life into those 12 days.
05:52I am a visitor with no firm idea of when or how or where I'm going,
05:57that I'm just eager to be here and I'm grateful for the invitation to sit down at your table,
06:02that I have been given room here, given water, warm welcomes, cuddles, loving emojis.
06:09There is only one thing to do with this honour.
06:11This is to honour you.
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