00:01Sexual harassment in the streets.
00:03Okay?
00:04Every woman has a story.
00:05Why do you say that?
00:06I'm not...
00:07Every woman has a story of being catcalled or harassed on the street, in the club, on
00:10the train, the grocery store, etc.
00:12But there have been recent cases where women have been attacked or killed for refusing
00:16a man's advances.
00:17Most recently here in New York, the young lady on Eastern Parkway during the Caribbean Day
00:21Parade, she was shot because she didn't want to dance with a gentleman.
00:24I use the term gentleman loosely.
00:26Why is the act of approaching a woman in public such a tricky one?
00:30Fellas?
00:31It's not.
00:32The moment that they're not interested, you back off.
00:34And it should be that simple.
00:37But we're very...
00:39It's a weird, very weird male-excused culture, like where we pardon ridiculous behavior.
00:47And we don't hold each other accountable, but also parents tend not to hold them accountable.
00:52There's no system of accountability whatsoever, for the most part.
00:55So these things become favorable.
00:57And you see things like what a woman's wearing, how a woman's acting, how you get looked at,
01:02or any number of signs that you can take as excuses for approaching a woman in a certain
01:06way.
01:07You take those as just some sort of indemnification for moving forward however you see fit.
01:12And it's not suitable as someone who's approached women and gotten turned down.
01:17But I've also approached women and had a favorable response.
01:20My brother.
01:21I know better than to say, oh, hey, how are you, beautiful?
01:24And she says no than to yell at her or proceed to chase after her or to make her feel uncomfortable
01:30once she's expressed that that advance isn't unappreciated.
01:33You mentioned accountability.
01:34If you're with one of your boys and he starts to get reckless, would you check him and be
01:38like, ooh, leave her alone?
01:39Absolutely.
01:40Absolutely.
01:41Okay, good.
01:42Chris?
01:43So my father treated my mother like a queen from the first day to the last day he was on
01:45earth.
01:46And that stuck in me.
01:48And he was very strict on me about how I spoke to women.
01:52He always called my mom, you know, his queen and his apple of his eye.
01:57So when I do approach women or when I have approached women, sometimes when I approach
02:03them in that manner, they think that I'm running game.
02:07But in actuality, because they're so not used to hearing guys just come at them in a respectful
02:15manner, which is a reflection on our society, that now sometimes even treating them respectfully
02:24sometimes is seen as game.
02:26So it's very hard to approach a woman nowadays, period.
02:31Because it's awkward.
02:33You're approaching a stranger.
02:34And women nowadays, to me, and this is a good thing, are taking more leadership roles
02:42in the workforce.
02:45There are a lot of women who are major breadwinners now in the household.
02:48So you feel like that's carrying on into the street, into this dynamic?
02:53I feel that it is, and I feel that a lot of men are intimidated.
02:56Yes.
02:57So in that intimidation, they don't know how to treat them.
03:00So they come at them aggressively to try to feel, as a sense of fulfilling their male
03:05ego.
03:06Right.
03:07And it comes out completely wrong.
03:08And then after that, it's just-
03:11It's a lashing out, then, basically.
03:12It's a lashing out.
03:13And I always check all of my male friends.
03:16And then what I do is, you know, they say, you know, you're guilty by association.
03:21So I don't hang around.
03:23My circle has gotten very small as I've gotten older, and I've kind of learned who I should
03:28and want to be around.
03:29And the energy, I'm very conscious of energy.
03:32Right.
03:33And a lot of my friends from my past were very disrespectful to women.
03:37So, no, it's good that you separated yourself from that, but not many do.
03:41But, Narelle, I want to bring you into the conversation.
03:44How do you feel that women should handle that?
03:46You're giving clues in terms of what you're dealing with as a woman and how you encounter
03:49that.
03:50And when I was younger, I was very much the girl who would talk trash back.
03:54And growing up in LA, it's not very, it's not a pedestrian culture.
03:57So it's not very often that you encounter people like that.
04:00But you would get cursed out, and that would just become part of the banter.
04:04Like, you would just be talking trash to one another.
04:07When I moved to the Bay Area when I went to college, it was a very different situation.
04:12I remember my freshman year in college, a girl going out and saying she, a guy tried to
04:19talk to her in the club, and she didn't give him any play.
04:22And he spit on her and kicked her in the back down some stairs.
04:27So I was like, um, okay, so maybe I should change my approach here.
04:32So it was very different.
04:34So when I would go out and if someone would try to holler and you were in the streets in
04:38Oakland, it was like a conversation.
04:40It was like an olive with my boyfriend.
04:41I can't give you my, it was like a whole lie.
04:42Right.
04:43There's a fake boyfriend all of a sudden with a baby.
04:44That you told me.
04:45That's right.
04:46That's right.
04:47That's right.
04:48And you had to do all of that.
04:49I'll be honest.
04:50I'll be honest.
04:51I've told my nieces, my nieces are, a lot of my nieces are 21.
04:54Are those ages where they're being approached, right?
04:56And I've told them, no matter what, treat the person with respect and kill them with kindness
05:04because it's hard to come back when someone's, when, because I've been rejected in good ways.
05:09Where it's been like, thank you.
05:11That was so, that was so nice.
05:12But I'm currently seeing somebody.
05:13But I don't think you came at them with da da da da da.
05:16No, no, no, no.
05:17No.
05:18Even when they come at you like that, it's just like, it's just like you, you combat hate
05:21with love.
05:22Right?
05:23So if someone comes at you aggressively, say, listen, brother, I'm sorry.
05:26You know, I'm with someone, but thank you for, for the flirtation.
05:29You know, thank you for the compliment.
05:31I appreciate that.
05:32You know, I'm sure there's, you know, I'm sure that, you know, somebody will da da da.
05:36Just, just defuse the situation.
05:39Because if they already given you that approach that they're aggressive.
05:42I'm about to say, I want to bring Christine into this.
05:44I want to bring Christine into the conversation.
05:46Go ahead.
05:47If a man told him that you're aggressive, he's already given you the hint that he's aggressive.
05:49Listen, I've had bottles thrown at me in DC.
05:52Why?
05:53I've had, I've been, I've been physically like assaulted for telling a man no.
05:57And I was, you know, I can't remember having these conversations with my parents because
06:02it's just like a societal.
06:04Different time.
06:05Understanding, right?
06:06That you, you appear somewhere, you put off this energy or you're kind.
06:10And it's setting the standard for women.
06:12That's unrealistic.
06:13Right.
06:14If I'm a woman who's been physically assaulted for turning down a man and I'm expected to
06:19be respectful.
06:20I'm expected to be kind and kill him with kindness and combat love with hate.
06:25No, you know, and it's for, for me, that's another way of absolving men of bad behavior.
06:31Yeah.
06:32I'm just trying to make him feel better when he's in the wrong.
06:34Right.
06:35You can't put yourself into the frame of mind of understanding what's going to set back
06:39a predator because you're not in a predatory mind state.
06:41Right.
06:42Good point.
06:43So you're not thinking, so by telling your daughter, okay, dress this way or do this way
06:45or be respectful, terrific parenting.
06:47But because you're being a good parent and because you're thinking from the standpoint
06:51of a man raising a daughter, you can't think as a savage who's just out to get a woman's
06:58attention or get a woman's company or do anything by any means.
07:02Right.
07:03That's not the frame of mind.
07:04They're not in a frame of mind of logic.
07:05And if you're in the frame of mind of kicking a woman in the back, spitting on her, throwing
07:08a bottle at her, chances are you're not in a space where logic is going to be your best
07:13friend.
07:14Right.
07:15What point does it be, okay, dress this way.
07:17Okay.
07:18Wrap your hair.
07:19Okay.
07:20Be respectful.
07:21At what point does that be, well, just stay in the house.
07:22Exactly.
07:23Don't ever go outside.
07:24Hold on one moment.
07:25Just one moment though.
07:26I need to put a pin in this real quick because I want to hear what they're saying on here
07:27on social media.
07:28Sure.
07:29And quite a few of you responded at Kessie underscore P tweeted.
07:32Yes.
07:33And it was very uncomfortable.
07:34But luckily there were other men his size around who noticed and addressed it before
07:38I could.
07:39At my tweetology said slapped on my ass.
07:42Just as humiliating.
07:43Turner, let the world know.
07:44And everyone pleaded the fifth.
07:45Welcome to Mardi Gras and Nola.
07:47And one more from at Shaqlin who said I was too slow to react because I was so stunned.
07:52Happened as I was getting off the train.
07:54I can't quantify how violated I felt.
07:59But actually, I went into trouble with all that.
08:04Made in своeton and Nola were made to be burnt.
08:07Dulu is to find Damit.
08:11Let's go.
08:12Motorbell'sубurf will begin.
08:13Let's jump in a second page.
08:14That says be exact.
08:15Let's go to Mardi Gras.
08:16Let's go to the front page.
08:18Let's see the second page.
08:20Let's go to S culmination site.
08:22Let's see the second page on that page.
08:23Let's go to S�� version 7 podcast.
08:26This page today is haha.
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