00:00Hi, this is Fawn Weaver, the author of The Argument-Free Marriage.
00:06Charlie went to the streets of New York and asked New Yorkers
00:09what was their most frequent arguments with their spouses.
00:13Let's see what they had to say.
00:14Well, he wanted to stay in a lot and I wanted to go out and have fun,
00:18so it was a conflict of that.
00:20He wanted to spoon, he wanted to party.
00:22Well, not party, just go out on dates.
00:25You know, deciding what to do.
00:26Like I said, she has an activity she want to do,
00:28and I'm not really feeling it or vice versa.
00:30We might argue about that.
00:32Because me and her live in two different states,
00:34you know, the long-distance thing.
00:37So spending time seems to be a big issue.
00:40There's a couple things to think about.
00:42Number one, you have close to 1,500 minutes on any given day.
00:48Is there a reason you cannot figure out what to do with 60 minutes together?
00:53A daily ritual is something that should happen for anyone in a long-term relationship.
00:59Something that you do every single day.
01:01It could be coffee together.
01:02It could be going for a run.
01:03But something that allows you to connect so that this does not boil up into an argument.
01:08But do I think this is worthy of an argument?
01:11Absolutely not.
01:12Is it worthy of a conversation?
01:14All day long.
01:15So who do we have next?
01:17What do you guys argue the most about?
01:20Um, exploring sexually.
01:22Oh, really?
01:23Yeah.
01:24Do you agree?
01:25Yes.
01:26Sex, you know.
01:27Of course.
01:28Whether you're in the mood or not, you know, stuff like that.
01:30This one is a tricky one.
01:32It's a tricky one because it is so different for every couple.
01:36No two couples are alike.
01:38You're talking about one person having a safe and the other person having the combination or not.
01:44I would recommend two things to at least the couples that we've seen.
01:48The first is to explore different times of the day.
01:51I know it may seem odd and a little too simple.
01:54But for women, when we have a lot of things on our mind, which sort of happens the moment we're fully awake,
02:01then all of a sudden our mind starts going and the last thing we're thinking about is sex.
02:06So guys, here is a hint.
02:08Roll over in the morning before our head starts going and then start kissing us.
02:14Let's take a look at another one.
02:15Texting.
02:16Phone communication.
02:17Definitely.
02:18How so?
02:19The lack of it, if anything.
02:21If you text, if I text you right now, you respond four hours later.
02:25And I don't think that's proper.
02:26I think if you have a phone, you might not respond, you know?
02:28All right.
02:29So let's just clarify.
02:31Texting is not communication.
02:34True communication, actually having discussions, that takes a voice.
02:39And the reason it takes a voice is because just as you hear tones in my voice now, there's changes, there's inflections.
02:46Text messages don't do that.
02:48You can put as many emojis behind a text as you want and it just doesn't do that.
02:53But in the case of this gentleman, it's very simple.
02:56She's just not that into you.
02:58So move on to someone who is.
03:00Friends, you know, what is a type of limit that we should have?
03:04About her ex-girlfriend.
03:05Ooh, the ex-factor.
03:07Definitely her ex-girlfriend.
03:08She's always talking about her.
03:10She's always bringing her up.
03:11She just brought her up five minutes ago.
03:12Once you're married, you have to really focus on the principles.
03:14Uh-huh.
03:15And certain people just got to get cut off and that's it.
03:17This one is a tricky one for a lot of people.
03:20For this particular person, I would advise move on.
03:25She's not over her ex.
03:27Just keep it moving.
03:29For those who really do have a true relationship where you have committed to be together until the end of time,
03:35my recommendation may seem extreme, but it is what it is.
03:39Cut them off.
03:41Your relationship with your spouse now supersedes any other relationship you have.
03:46And so if that relationship with an ex makes them uncomfortable.
03:51My independence and my boyfriend feeling as though I don't respect him because I don't listen to him, whatever that means.
04:03So I like this gal.
04:04She's strong-willed.
04:05She's opinionated.
04:06Here is the key.
04:07It is mutual respect.
04:09That respect has to go both ways.
04:11So if he is saying he doesn't feel respected, the question becomes, why?
04:16This is not worthy of an argument.
04:18This is worthy of a discussion.
04:20So when you're looking at something and saying, I am strong-willed.
04:24I am independent.
04:25What does that look like to you?
04:27What does that feel like to you?
04:29And then you have to ask that person that you're with, what does that look like and feel like to them?
04:35Thanks, Charlie, for hitting the streets of New York and getting some great answers to some tough questions.
04:40The argument-free marriage is in stores now.
04:43And I hope that this time today showed you that everything is kind of simple.
04:49Don't sweat the small stuff and have a conversation that allows your relationship to last a lifetime.
