- 5 hours ago
On this week's special episode of ESSENCE Live, we discuss blackness. Why does black culture make some people feel so uncomfortable. How can we discuss race with our white counterparts? We dive into it all.
Category
🛠️
LifestyleTranscript
00:00Today on Essence Live we are talking all about race. In light of Beyonce and Cam Newton's Super
00:08Bowl performances, how black can black celebs really be? Why do some white people get so
00:13offended by the mere mention of black culture and what is up with this new black thing? We've
00:18got special guests, drinks, and food courtesy of our friends at Red Booster. Hello Chef Adrian.
00:23Thank you for being here. We can't wait. All right, so get ready because this is a conversation you do
00:29not want to miss. It's Thursday, February 18th, and Essence Live starts now.
00:42Welcome to a very special edition of our Essence Live. I'm your host, Dana Blair. All right, Essence
00:47Live fam, let's just go ahead and jump right on into it. You know how we do on the show. We have
00:51celebrity guests, fashion shows, music performances, news in our hot list games, the whole works. But
00:56today, we're switching things up a bit and getting a little more intimate in our Essence
01:01Kitchen. This episode is dedicated to race and specifically, who's afraid of blackness? Meaning,
01:07how black can you really be before white folks, and some black folks now, get uncomfortable? Joining
01:13me are Loki from Beats One Radio. Hi, how are you? Welcome back. Such a pleasure to have you in the kitchen.
01:19Of course. Lola Oganaki of Arise TV. Hello, how are you? Hi.
01:23Thank you for coming to Essence Live for the first time. Thank you for having me.
01:28DeTuan Thomas, a vibe. Hello. Hello. How are you? I'm watching you. I know. You know.
01:34And Keisha Limeth of our very own Time Inc. Video family. How are you? Hi. I cannot wait. I've
01:40always wanted you here. Always. Plus, we also have Chef Adrian from the Harlem restaurant,
01:45Red Rooster, preparing some tasty treats for us. Hi, Adrian. Hi. First, I want to talk about
01:50blackness in the media and black celebrity. Specifically, it's been a huge topic of conversation
01:56right now because Beyonce's black. She's made some statements in her formation video, which
02:02actually, as a Louisiana girl, hit very close to home for me. You know, Katrina, New Orleans
02:06Police Department, the Stop Shooting Us, the Black Lives Matter references, and, of course,
02:13Cam Newton. All of this happening around Super Bowl time, ironically, making comments about
02:17grits and things of that nature and collard greens. Things that seem to make the general
02:22public, if you will, uncomfortable. So, why do you think that is? I mean, it's kind of obvious
02:28they're ethnic group, but if anyone, please feel free to jump right on in. This is Kitchen Table
02:32Talk. Personally, I think that we've been trying to get the message of, you know, black culture
02:37out for so long and the things that happened to us, you know, in America that we chose Super Bowl
02:43as the biggest platform for us to really express our message. You know, Beyonce's not the biggest
02:47activist, and Cam Newton's not the biggest activist, but if they can sprinkle some kind
02:51of message in there like Beyonce did with her Super Bowl performance, I see no issue. You know,
02:55we're not saying it's us versus them. It's just saying, hey, these are the problems that we're
02:58going to address through our art. But don't you think that's what made so many people
03:02uncomfortable? Because, like, Beyonce was the safe black girl. You know, she was the girl
03:06next door. You're like, oh, she's cute. She's your one black friend that can come to the birthday
03:09party. Don't have to. You know what I mean? And she was also your one black friend that
03:13everyone aspired to be. So, you know, when you speak with any celebrity of any strike,
03:18they're all like, we bow down to Beyonce. Right. We all want to be Beyonce when I grow
03:22up. Everyone from Taylor Swift to anyone on down. True. So the fact that Beyonce, someone
03:27who has sort of been one of the poster children for being post-racial, was so overtly black.
03:34Black statement that she's ever made in her career. It was, I think, jarring to a lot of
03:42people because a lot of people had essentially forgotten that Beyonce was black. They're just
03:46worried about her influence. The fact that she's able to reach so many people on both sides
03:51of the coin. It's like, wait a minute. We have another one that's that big that can influence
03:57how my little Becky could think and wake her up to, oh, what's, what, what is black lives
04:02matter? Oh, wait a minute. If Beyonce likes my lipstick color and I find out, like, who
04:09Huey P. Newton is, that can be a problem within the households of America sometimes. And for
04:16her to be so outspoken on women's rights, for her to go on the black route, that's just,
04:21I think that might have even drawn, and I don't, we don't know yet, but I wonder what her endorsements
04:27are going to be like coming out of this. Oh, that's interesting with this.
04:30But don't you feel like Beyonce has gotten to a point in her career where she can take
04:34those type of risks because if she never makes another album again, if she never makes another
04:39dollar again, she's good. Blue Ivy's good. If Jay-Z never makes any money again, she's like,
04:45I got you. We're going to Red Lobster. We're going to do it in the helicopter. She's like,
04:49I got her biscuits. Shut up for the cheddar biscuits. Like, she's got the cheddar and the
04:54cheddar biscuits. She's looking at her legacy. So she can say what she wants to say now. And
04:58isn't that the definition of F you money, right? Like, I got this. Now I can truly say what I want
05:04to say. As a celebrity, they really have no choice. Everyone's always going to hate on anything that
05:09they do. But what I find interesting is that someone like Trump can go out and openly say racist
05:14things and those same people who are trying to protest Beyonce who actually didn't even show up.
05:19Two people showed up. Two people showed up. Two people showed up.
05:21Two people showed up. It was probably just like...
05:23No, it was like some old guy and I think like his wife or something. They were outnumbered,
05:27obviously. Right. But where were they when Trump says things like he wants to close the border and
05:32he says racist things about Muslims? So, I mean, it's just interesting that we see this reaction
05:39when Beyonce is talking about things that are actually happening in this country. Kids are
05:44actually being shot by police officers. These are facts. These are facts. Right. And we've spoken
05:48a lot about Beyonce. What about Cam Newton? He made a small comment about collard greens and it made
05:52people extremely uncomfortable. He's from the South. True. They eat collard greens in the South. Yes,
05:57we do. Black and white. Black and white. Everyone. Black and white. It's an association. Right.
06:03I think it's because he said it. It's him being on that platform, you know, and he's not, one,
06:08he's not supposed to be there. They don't want to see him there being how much he celebrates his success
06:12and his blackness itself. So, when he says collard greens, when he gives a detail on how to cook them
06:17and compares them to sports and compares them to winning, that's just very uncomfortable. It makes
06:21people cringe and, no, you're not supposed to say that. You're supposed to talk about the game,
06:24you're supposed to talk about your strategy and just keep it moving. You're not supposed to,
06:27you know, incorporate your life or black culture, what makes people uncomfortable. So that,
06:32in itself, on top of him being Cam Newton. Who he is already. Yeah, who he is already. Yeah. Dancing,
06:38making sure that everyone knows that he's happy about being there. And most of the time, they're
06:43upset at, you know, Marshawn Lynch. He doesn't talk to the media. Right. For the same reason,
06:48you know, like, I mean, if I say anything about anything, you're going to find something wrong
06:52with it, similar to your point. But then when Cam does do the things that they, hey, you're supposed
06:57to talk to us after and all that, he shows the emotion. It's like, what do you want him to do?
07:02Right. Stand if you do, stand if you don't. Then on top of that, I'd rather Cam talk instead of,
07:07not to say, I don't want Marshawn Lynch to talk, but if he talks, then we're really going to have
07:12it. Oh, no, it's good. And we know he doesn't bite his tongue. Right. That's why he retired.
07:15Right. He's like, I can't take this. No. Well, how far, I think there's like something about
07:21an athlete, a black male athlete in particular, being that confident in his ability, that comfortable in
07:27his own skin, and that celebrated as a human being and an athlete. The fact that he's not this
07:34one dimensional character who doesn't utter like the canned speech, you know, I, you know,
07:39I just want to thank God. And I just try to make him humble. And it's about my mom.
07:47It'd be like the fact that he's happily saying more than that, giddily saying more than that,
07:51able to articulate exactly how he feels. And he knows his self-worth. I think people,
07:57the masses feel uncomfortable with that, particularly when it comes to black male athletes.
08:01Like, don't go getting any ideas about how superior you are. Right.
08:04Right. And Serena and Venus also experienced the same thing when they came out with the beads,
08:09and then it was no longer wearing the tennis whites. Serena's had all kinds of outfits.
08:14Right. You know, let's, let's be very clear about it. If she gets upset and throws a tennis racket
08:19and say a John McEnroe type of format, she's too aggressive. She's too passionate. She's too X,
08:24YMZ versus she's just an athlete that's on adrenaline in that moment. Like, damn it,
08:28I want my championship. The problem is she's too good. Right.
08:32You know, she can back all of that up. They can get mad all they want. She can actually play.
08:38When I was younger, my dad used to take me to tennis matches because I played tennis. And we
08:43would be one out of five people in the whole stadium at Arthur Ashe Stadium. Wow. And whenever Serena
08:48or Venus would come out, they would automatically booze before they even started playing on the tennis
08:53court. So I feel like it's probably all of that aggression that's built up over these years,
08:57that of course, when she wins and it's in front of this, you know, worldwide platform,
09:03like you have to just celebrate and understand that like there are people who are hating on you just
09:07because you're black. And no matter what, we're all human. So there's only so much a male or woman
09:11can take in that regard. Right. But I want to take a quick pause on this right now and call over Chef
09:16Andrea. What are you serving us today? What you got? What's up first? Because I cannot wait.
09:21It smells delicious. First thing that you're going to have is our first course on our Black History
09:27Month tasting menu at Red Rooster. They're duck liver macaroons. Duck liver macaroons. So a little
09:32sweet, a little savory, some sticky aged balsamic vinegar on top. Oh, something that I probably can't
09:40cook at home basically. Oh, you definitely. Oh, no. They're very easy. As you see, I've been
09:46preparing it back here. Now, Adrian, where does this menu come from? How does this tie into Black
09:51History? Well, I wanted to do a tasting menu at Red Rooster. So what better time than Black History
09:59Month? So we've incorporated different courses with different influences. And this was our first course,
10:06which is a dish that I had been working on with Marcus. And he just let me do my thing. Put it on
10:14the menu and go for it. Are the flavors or ingredients tied to Black culture? Like,
10:18how did you decide what's going to go into this particular dish? Well, actually, each course on the
10:22menu is inspired by a different Black female chef. Oh, female. Yes.
10:27I love that. A very underrepresented group in the color. Definitely. But we're here. I'm not the
10:35only one. I came from somewhere. There are several people who did this before me and several that are
10:40doing it now. So we really wanted to highlight those people around the country that have really
10:44been working hard and doing their thing. Thank you so much, Adrian. All right, I thought you're
10:48sticking around. Everyone dig in. Yes. Drink up. Enjoy. Don't go anywhere. We've got one more
10:53dish coming up a little bit later on in the show. And of course, we're going to take a quick break.
10:56When we come back, I want to talk about white guilt or as the internet say, white tears. But first,
11:01Layla Hathaway explains how being the daughter of R&B legend Donny Hathaway shaped her own music.
11:07This is really good and I love salt. I'm Layla Hathaway and this is my music, my life.
11:13Pretty much everything I've been writing over the last 25 years has been inspired by personal
11:19experiences. But a lot of the songs on my album Self-Portrait are super autobiographical. So a
11:25song like Little Girl. I had the music and I was hanging out with Rahsaan Patterson. I said,
11:30come, come to my car. Listen to this. He said, just a little girl in a big world.
11:37And the whole song came from that lyric and that melody and that inspiration.
11:42Just a little girl in a big world. That song pretty much takes you on a journey of my childhood.
11:51I'm talking about my mother and my dad, about my mom's car and the food that she cooks and how
11:56she raised us and my dad and his hats. Really the experience of growing up with so much color
12:03and music around me. Hiding in the shadow of the light. People always ask, you know, is it like,
12:16what's it like being in your father's shadow? And I never really considered it a shadow. It's always
12:21been a light. So I recognize how it could have foreshadowed my coming, but I always have seen it
12:28as a really bright light. Welcome back to a special edition of Essence Live. I'm your host,
12:37Dana Blair. And today we're talking all about blackness with special guests, Low Key, Lola Ogunaki,
12:43Daytuan Thomas, and Keisha Lambeth. And of course, Chef Adrian from the famed Red Rooster
12:48Restaurant is also here. And I cannot wait to taste a little bit more. All right. So I want to get into
12:55white people now. All right. That was not an awkward transition. Not at all. It's just me.
12:59Do white people get especially bothered when you make any mention of race, even when it's not racism?
13:05Have any of you ever had conversations about race with white people and how did it go? Whether it's
13:10in the workplace, at home? Um, I mean, the conversations that I have with my white friends,
13:15I try to limit the random white conversations that I do have. But, um, those kind of conversations...
13:20Wait, like it's a drive. What do I mean?
13:22No, like, I don't want to just go up to, like, someone I don't know.
13:24Like, the white person comes up to you and you're like, hey, this is a race.
13:27I try to go, you brown? I'm good.
13:29Hey, you black? Yeah. Why are you so angry?
13:33We just met. All right. Um, hi. DMV.
13:36The conversations that I do have with them, like, they understand it. They get it. You know, um,
13:40it's not an awkward conversation. And, uh, I try not to make it awkward. I try not to blame
13:44the things that we've been through on them. Like, so what is the conversation? Is it?
13:48It ranges from music. It ranges from Black Lives Matter. It ranges from, you know, in the workplace.
13:53It ranges from, it just depends, you know, how you're feeling in a day or what you want to talk
13:56about. But I don't limit to, like, just because I work in music, we talk about do, you know, a white
14:00artist trying to do black artist things or... Right. I try to keep it, you know, as broad as possible.
14:04Do you feel like they really understood you or they were just scared of you and said, mm-hmm,
14:06backed out the room. I've gotten the, mm-hmm, and then I've gotten, you know, I've gotten a couple
14:10of rebuttals. Because it's touchy. Yeah, I mean, it's a very touchy subject, but the ones that I do
14:14talk to get it. And they have, you know, good conversations and good things to say back.
14:17Okay. So I feel like you kind of self-select the type of white people that you're around also in
14:22your personal life. So you're freer to have conversations with your white friends who are
14:27legitimately your white friends. Like, you can listen to Kanye with them. Right.
14:30Right. I, you know, only worked in predominantly white places, and I try
14:36to avoid any conversation about race at any cost. Like, as soon as I see it coming, I'm like,
14:42oop. Yeah. You know, I'll give you, like, a matrix, like, oh, no. Right, right.
14:46I'm like, oh, no, Sheila. Oh, no. I have to use the bathroom. Oh, my God. I'll be right back.
14:52Right. Like, hide out. Mm-hmm. I don't want... No, no, no, no, no. Because I know
14:57that there's the potential for a third real moment, and I don't want to have to be personally
15:04offended. I don't want to say something in defense of myself or my people that offends you.
15:10Right. So let's just not and say we did. Right, right. I mean, it's always interesting,
15:14especially after, like, the Super Bowl or the Grammys, to see how they react. Like,
15:18not when it's the black Grammys and Kendrick Lamar comes out. But that's what I'm saying.
15:29You see how they react to it. Right, right, right.
15:33You see, like, are they going to address it? Are they going to be uncomfortable? Are they going to
15:37talk to you about it? Are they going to approach you about it? Mm-hmm. So it's always, it's great to
15:40see how they react to those certain situations. Right. But, Loki, I also feel like I'm kind of,
15:45and I know this is not going to be Essence Live. People don't send the comments to her.
15:50Because she invited me here. Don't send them to me. But I feel, like,
15:56a bit, a bit sorry for white people because sometimes they just don't know how to have
16:01the conversation. Right. They want to have the conversation. They genuinely want to be engaged.
16:06Right. They genuinely want to understand how you feel as a black person functioning in a racist
16:13society. Right. But then they accidentally say the wrong thing or they accidentally call you a
16:18colored person instead of a person of color. And you're like, see, this is why we can't talk.
16:22Y'all are hanging out with your friends. And it's a mixed group. And then there's an awkward moment
16:28where there's a rap song that comes on and sings the N-word. What do you do?
16:32Oh, I don't, I don't think that that's right. I feel like, because I know that I'm pretty sure
16:39that white people at home in their own room, they say the N-word all, very loud, all day,
16:44every day. You're reliving. Sit, Loki. They do. But in front of me, do not say it. Right.
16:49I think that's disrespectful. And knowing the history of it, I mean, I just, I'm the type of person,
16:54I don't think anyone should say it around me. I don't think a black person or a white person
16:57to say it because I feel like, especially a black person saying it in front of another white person,
17:02they think it's okay. Right. And they think, oh, we're cool like that. So, hey, what's up?
17:05What about when Kanye and Schoolboy Q and everyone, they're like, all right, if we're at the show,
17:09you purchased my album. You clearly like it because you're here. It's okay for you to say it.
17:15I mean, it doesn't give them the right to say it. It doesn't give them the right. But they're saying,
17:18it's okay. Go ahead. They are, they are. They are okay with saying it and knowing that they're white
17:23fans are going to say it. I do agree with that. Even at the shows. Even at the shows. And we're at the
17:27shows. Right. I mean, I'm not going to police every white person that says the word that says
17:31the N-word. And I get what they're saying in the context of their saying. If they're not addressing
17:35someone like that, then I really have no issue with it. But if you're at a show,
17:39be mindful that it's not just a white audience. It's a mixed audience. So,
17:44if someone hears it, not to say they have a right to, but if you get punched in your face,
17:49there's the reason why you got punched in your face. Like in the joke. Just like you got punched in
17:53your face for saying it. But we've all been at the club when Gold Digger comes on. Right.
17:57And what are you, what are you supposed to do? Fight everybody in the club? And they're not playing
18:02the edited version. Like, I'm not here to police them. Right. But you know, the white, the white
18:07girl's right here. They're looking at you. And she's drunk. And the white boy's right here. And he's
18:10drunk. And you're with your mixed group of friends. Right. Right. And they're like,
18:15she ain't messing with no bro. If you're a good friend, drunk or not, you pull them to the side.
18:35Listen, like, here we go. Me personally, I'm not going to hit you. I'm not going to do nothing, but
18:40I'm not always going to be around you. I'm not going to go to every club. And every person's not
18:43going to have understanding. You can become a statistic, sir.
18:46Be very mindful of how you say it, when you say it, and where you say it.
18:49Why can't we hold these rappers to task for also making it so melodic to say that word and so
18:55catchy? They're going to say, I have the creative license to do so.
18:58Everybody has their freedom of speech. But then don't get mad when you're treated that way.
19:03That's fair enough. And on that note, because we're going to continue this conversation,
19:06we'll be right back with more of our Essence Live Who's Afraid of Blackness conversation.
19:10But first, Malcolm Jamal Warner discusses his role on The People versus O.J. Simpson.
19:15Well, American Crime Story, The People versus O.J. Simpson, is a really awesome ride in terms of
19:22finding out a lot about the players in the trial. Because a lot of times you hear,
19:27oh, this O.J. Simpson story, why? Why are they even doing that? But when you see the show,
19:33you are taking on a really engaging ride on the players of the trial. The show is not to change
19:43anyone's view of how they feel about the trial or the verdict. You just get a chance to see a lot of
19:51the intricacies and the back story of all the players involved in the trial.
20:00You're watching a special edition of Essence Live dedicated to blackness. We're eating delicious
20:04macaroons from the Black History Month menu at New York's Red Rooster Restaurant, courtesy of Chef
20:08Adrian. And we have lots, lots more to talk about. I want to pick up on the inward conversation that we
20:15were having just now. Now, you know, I have a confession. You've hung out with me personally.
20:20I do use the n-word in my personal life. How often? It depends on how comfortable I am. Like,
20:25for example, if it's my brother and I, you know, I'm like, just...
20:33However, I did grow up in the deep south. I have been called the n-word with the ER. I have been
20:39physically threatened. I have been told I can no longer play with people's kids anymore.
20:43So I know both sides of it. I have to co-sign with you. Don't get mad when you get punched in
20:50your face. I tell them all the time, like, it's gonna happen. But what I don't understand is,
20:54why do you want to fight to say that word to me? That's a very good question. Why the fight?
20:59You know, okay, yeah, freedom of speech. I get it. But I can't go around throwing around any other
21:04slur against Jews, Hispanics, Italians. I can't do that. Not an option. Not an option.
21:10So why are you fighting to say this word to me? Right. We use it so freely. We use it so freely,
21:16and it's in our music. It's in our culture so much. It's in our comedy. We use the,
21:20and we use and, really. That's true. No one's fighting to use the. That's true. That's true.
21:24Give me the. Give me the. Give me the. Give me the. Give me the. Give me the. Give me the.
21:38They see how comfortable we use it around our peers and our culture. So they want to feel
21:44incorporated with that comfort, comfortability. Until it's used against them in a manner of, you
21:51know, just disrespect. They don't want to be disrespected. They want to enjoy the fruits of,
21:54you know, the n-word. And it's, you can't do it all the time. But I feel like a white person who's
21:59using the n-word as a term of endearment to a black person is probably using it in an offensive manner.
22:05So you said the undertone of racism. I do think so. I do think so. Because I lived in the south. I lived in
22:10Pensacola, Florida. And I was around a lot of white people who I heard say the word in songs. But then,
22:16like, if I was in the next room and they were talking about another black person, I would hear
22:19them refer to that person as the n-word and think that I didn't hear it. And it wasn't in an
22:24endearing term. Oh, but not you. So it wasn't E.R. It was E.R. Oh, because that's different.
22:29Again, I'm not giving the green light so all the comments go to her. But if they say it with the A,
22:35it's just like, okay, I get it. You would be okay with a white person saying it with the A to you.
22:39You'd be like, yo, what up my N with the A? You'd be okay with that? I'm not. If I know that person and I know how they
22:44mean it, I know that I'm not okay with that. I feel like because that word is still so electric
22:52in our culture, there's something titillating about being able to use it for them. It's like when,
22:57you know, a seven or eight year old just learns how to curse for the first time and all they want to
23:02do is curse and they're like, ooh. Right. I still think they get some sort of glee out of using that
23:07word because they know how electric it is in our community. I mean, we were joking earlier, but
23:12I would listen to Gold Digger and they would hit that N word so hard. She ain't messing with no
23:17bro. And I'm like, why are you hitting it that hard? Like, that's not like, give me the straight
23:24Tony the Tiger energy. But it's not, the song doesn't even hit it that hard. So why are you
23:30hitting it that hard? She ain't messing with no bro. And I'm like, whoa. But when we were talking about
23:36Jay and Kanye and they did it 19 times and it's pretty much nothing but white people at that show.
23:44Right. And it's like, you have two of the biggest black artists in the game. It's okay. Let's do it
23:50again. Let's do it again. So that's kind of saying like, hey guys, it's okay to say N word for the 19th
23:55time. Right. So it's like, it'll be all right. Maybe if they said, you can say it here and then
24:00you can never say it again. So if it was like a collective, like, get it all out of your system,
24:05right now. 19 seconds. It's funny that you say it. I've seen, but I've seen artists do that.
24:23I've seen artists address the crowd saying, all right, like y'all can say it here, but once you
24:28step out this arena, this, this, you know, this place, it's not okay. Artists have started out
24:33there set saying here, cool outside. No. What about our thoughts on the conflicts we have within
24:39our own community? How can we stand against other communities, if you will, or stand up for our
24:43culture if we're not, if we're battling internally? I mean, it starts at home. And a lot of this stuff
24:49is projected on social media. You know, you see these pictures that people put up, you know,
24:53this light skin girl or this dark skin girl or this brown girl. We're segregated in our own color
24:58and it's, it's, it's, it's sickening. You know, it should just be this black girl or this African
25:02American girl and this white girl, this Asian girl. It shouldn't be like, oh, this dark skinned
25:05Asian. Like, well, this dark skinned, like, why are we doing that? And I've, I've been guilty.
25:09I'm not, I'm not going to lie to you. I've been guilty of it. I see the ramifications.
25:12Oh, what'd you have to say about the dark skin? Right?
25:14Uh-uh. I'm not. Uh-uh.
25:15I'm just asking.
25:16Let me, let me, let me know.
25:18No, and I'm not. That's not my inbox. That's his inbox.
25:20I'm not, I'm not saying.
25:22What'd you have to say about a dark skin girl?
25:27I don't know.
25:28What'd you have to say, love?
25:29I didn't have, I have nothing against dark skin girls.
25:32You better have been cool. Kanye, got a light skin, got a dark skin friend.
25:38And what it is, is, and what it is, is like, from, you know, past, you know,
25:44recent years, the girls that I've dated have been, you know, a little bit lighter,
25:46but I think that's because my mom's light skin. You know, my mom's a little bit lighter.
25:50So it's nothing against, I love dark skin. They're beautiful, but it's a preference.
25:54And that's, it's not just me. It's with a lot of people.
25:56And you've been addressed.
25:57I've been addressed by that plenty of times, plenty of times.
25:59But women have that too. I just like, I want a chocolate n-word.
26:03Yeah.
26:03And it's like, well, what's wrong with the brown skin?
26:06But I mean, even the all-star game this weekend, like after all the guys on Saturday,
26:10one, you know, Klay Thompson.
26:12Yeah, yeah, yeah.
26:12Kid Gordon and the other dude.
26:14Yeah.
26:14They were like, team light skin took over this weekend.
26:16Woo!
26:17I'm on my light skin wave now.
26:18So it's like, the undertone of it is just projected.
26:20It's in any format that we have, and it's sickening almost, so.
26:23So why do you think we do that as a community? Why do we do that?
26:26I mean, it started all the way back in the day as a slavery.
26:28True, but why do we continue it?
26:31I think it's ingrained in our minds.
26:32It's the same way that racism is still alive today.
26:34We haven't really moved forward from that.
26:36So like, people say that we've progressed because we have a black president, but obviously we haven't.
26:40We still have black kids getting shot by cops.
26:43So it's something that's ingrained in all of our minds.
26:45And it takes more than just like talking about it amongst each other.
26:49You know, we need to have a larger conversation with all races present.
26:53And it needs to be something that's taught in schools where people understand like,
26:56this is something that you shouldn't shy away from.
26:58You should talk about it openly so that it's not something where when you become an adult,
27:02you're like team light skin, team dark skin.
27:04Like, you wouldn't even think in that manner, but that's how we think.
27:07But see, especially if you're going to a mainstream school, they don't know how deep the illness is
27:11in our community in regards to colorism, race, light skin versus our skin.
27:16They're barely teaching black history in a coherent way.
27:19Very valid point.
27:20So the fact that you want them to delve deeper and understand the psychosis that divides us along
27:26shades of skin, they can't do that.
27:28It's up to us to fix that problem.
27:30And it's going to take a lot of work.
27:31It's going to take a lot of honesty.
27:33It's going to take a lot of people being like, I'm self-loathing.
27:37I don't like the way I look.
27:38And as a result, I don't like the way you look.
27:40And that's a hard thing to admit.
27:42And, and, and, and that's a, you know, that's a very deep conversation.
27:46I mean, that's so many different levels.
27:47So many layers.
27:48The physical aspect of it, the mental and spiritual aspect of it.
27:52There's so many different things.
27:53Like a social class, like it's so many things top onto that one thing.
27:59I want to take another quick pause in the conversation.
28:01It's a really great conversation, but I really want some great food right now.
28:05Yeah.
28:06So if I can, Chef Adrian, that's ready for dessert.
28:10So ready for that jelly.
28:12What is that?
28:13Yeah.
28:13This is an adult version of frosted flakes.
28:16Oh, but imagine eating it on a beach in the Caribbean.
28:20There we go.
28:21So it's a coconut rice pudding.
28:23There's a little bit of crushed corn flakes, some toasted coconut flakes, and a rum foam on top.
28:29Rum.
28:30Oh, rum?
28:31Oh, okay.
28:32Now, now low-key feels right.
28:33Yeah, I'm good.
28:34Do it.
28:37We gave it a little blood orange for some acidity, because you got to break up all the rice pudding.
28:41This is delicious.
28:42What do you guys think?
28:43I like this one too.
28:43This is so good.
28:44I like it.
28:45That's so good.
28:46I'm going to continue to notch on this.
28:47More Essence Live is up next.
28:48But first, Essence Love and Relationships editor, Sharia Jackson catches up with Devon Franklin and Megan
28:53Good to talk about their new Essence online course on celibacy.
28:57Thank you, Dana.
28:58The wait is over.
28:59The new book by Devon Franklin and Megan Good is here.
29:03Tell us why the wait, why this book, and why should more people consider it?
29:07My wait started because I had always believed that that was something that I should do.
29:13I didn't grow up in the church, but my mom was always very spiritual,
29:16always encouraged us to read our Bibles, always talked to us about God.
29:19And so, you know, I thought, well, I'll wait until I get married.
29:22And, you know, and then you turn 19, you have your first love, and you don't.
29:26And then, you know, throughout relationships over the years,
29:29it was always something I was convicted about, but it's something that I wasn't able to stick to.
29:33It was very challenging because, you know, I was making mistakes.
29:37I was being self-destructive.
29:38I was, you know, had a lot of fear, had a lot of damage.
29:42And I decided to be celibate right before him and I got together and to find out that he was celibate
29:47and I had no idea. I had no idea he was in ministry.
29:50I just knew him as, you know, working at Sony and being this incredible guy
29:55that I got a chance to get to know a little bit better during Jumping the Broom.
29:58But he was like, you know, the boss, you know, wasn't even thinking that, so.
30:02For a lot of women, it's like I'm interested in the weight.
30:05I'm nervous if a man I would date or the man I'm already in a relationship with
30:09would be open to us being celibate.
30:11So talk about that conversation. Like, how do people bring it up?
30:14But when it comes to practicing the weight, of course, it is not easy.
30:17And making the decision is wrought with fear.
30:20Because what if the person I'm with rejects me?
30:23However, what if you choose what's best for you and you receive that?
30:28Even if the person rejects you, maybe that's God's way of clearing out the room
30:33to bring you the right person.
30:34And if you're in a good relationship, a loving relationship, you will be able to bring it up.
30:39Now, it might be difficult. The conversation might be a little aggressive.
30:43But if it's a loving environment, you will have an environment that will allow the conversation
30:48to be had, and you might be surprised by the result.
30:50You don't shy away from the power of sex. We talk about it as a gift from God.
30:54Yeah, that's it.
30:55Your sex drive is natural.
30:55Can't be anti-sex if you use that.
30:57You're anti-God, right.
30:58It's beautiful. It's like embracing it responsibly.
31:00The biggest thing is knowing when you have created a space where what your relationship,
31:04the foundation of what your relationship is built on, is so strong and so solid.
31:08And it's a safe place and it's a place where you really love each other and you really know each other.
31:14There's nothing that y'all can't teach each other.
31:15The first time people are intimate, you're always learning someone for the first time.
31:19Just to be specific, like what feels good to them, what works for them, whatever it is,
31:22it's always that way. So it wouldn't be any different, you know?
31:26The only difference is that you guys are exploring each other for the first time, you know?
31:30And it's a good thing.
31:38This has been such a good conversation today.
31:41Good food, good drink, good people, except for low-key.
31:44I know you're going to continue the conversation online and via social media,
31:47so keep those comments coming.
31:49Before I let you go, I'm going to do something just a little bit fun with all of you.
31:52Since we're talking about blackness and everything, let's play One Gotta Go.
31:56So, this is how it works. I'm going to give you four options and you pick the one that has to go.
32:02Okay.
32:02Just like, boom, just like fired off, one answer, okay?
32:05All right, first one is old TV shows.
32:09The Cosby Show, Martin, A Different World, or Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.
32:14Oh, come on!
32:15Cosby Show.
32:16Cosby Show?
32:17Cosby Show?
32:18Really?
32:19The image has been tainted.
32:22Goodbye, sir.
32:24And just the two?
32:24The message is there.
32:25The message is there.
32:27The message is there.
32:28Oh, sorry.
32:28All right.
32:29The Phil can't message.
32:30He flip-boxed the blue.
32:32Okay, Lola.
32:32See ya.
32:33One Gotta Go.
32:34Oh, God, you're killing me.
32:38Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, because I didn't like the latter seasons.
32:40Okay.
32:41Okay.
32:41Okay.
32:42All right.
32:43I'm going with Different World.
32:44What?
32:44Yep.
32:45No.
32:46What?
32:47I'm on video.
32:48Why?
32:49I'm on different world.
32:50Why?
32:50It was cool.
32:51You was my man.
32:52No.
32:52I'm going with different world, man.
32:54This is the last time you see Day 2 on a show.
32:56I'm like, different world?
32:56I'm talking about messengers?
32:58I'm talking about a different world, man.
33:00You know my parents love me.
33:02I can't even talk to you.
33:04Pizza?
33:05What?
33:05I mean, it's a hard choice, but I'm going to have to go with The Cosby Show, because
33:10it is kind of tainted.
33:11And they're all amazing shows.
33:12Cheers, baby.
33:13Adria, come and get up in this, girl.
33:14Get up in this.
33:15All right, come on.
33:16Bring it.
33:16Where's your wine glass?
33:17Bring it.
33:17Bring your wine.
33:17Adria, wine has to go.
33:19Cosby Show, Martin, A Different World, Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.
33:24I would have to go Cosby, because I can't see it the same anymore.
33:26Cheers.
33:26Come on.
33:27I can't see it anymore.
33:28Cheers.
33:29Cheers.
33:29I'm being proud of it.
33:30No, I guess we are.
33:31We are proud of it.
33:32I think you do feel that Cliff Huxable was a character, right?
33:36It doesn't matter.
33:36Tainted.
33:37He said tainted.
33:38OK, so here's the next one.
33:40Here's the next one.
33:40You ready?
33:41Ready?
33:41Let's go.
33:42One got to go.
33:43I can't do it.
33:43You can do it.
33:44You can do it.
33:45You can do it.
33:46One got to go.
33:47Stacey Dash, Raven-Symoné, Don Lemon, or Uncle Ruckus from the Boondocks?
33:52Ooh.
33:53Oh.
33:54Yep.
33:54Stacey Dash, Raven-Symoné, Don Lemon.
33:56Stacey Dash has been really reckless lately, so I'm just going to kick her off the island.
34:00Yeah, Stacey Dash, because she said we don't need Black History Month.
34:03Right.
34:03Stacey Dash.
34:03Right.
34:04She's totally clued.
34:05Morgan Freeman also said that, though, at one point.
34:07Well, he got to go, too.
34:09There you go.
34:10There you go.
34:10There you go.
34:11All right.
34:13The voice of God got to go.
34:15Stacey.
34:16Stacey, Lola.
34:19She don't want to play no more.
34:21Yeah, yeah.
34:22You want to play no more?
34:24I'm going to, like, different worlds?
34:26Different worlds, man.
34:28Just take one and mess up the whole floor.
34:30Did the whole floor.
34:31I'm going back.
34:32I'm like the step show with Whitley?
34:34No.
34:34I love this show.
34:35You know, I think Raven-Symonne would have to go because she's so strong and so wrong.
34:48And at least you can watch Stacey Dash on mute and be like, she's pretty.
34:52So here's our last one.
34:55All right.
34:56Actors.
34:57You kind of foreshadowed this a little bit.
34:59We have Denzel, Forrest Whitaker, Samuel L. Jackson, or Morgan Freeman.
35:04No, I quit.
35:05What?
35:06One got to go.
35:07No, I passed.
35:08I'm going to go with Morgan Freeman.
35:09What?
35:10Why?
35:11Because April just sent light on the subject?
35:12No.
35:13Why?
35:14But he made two valid points for it.
35:15Why?
35:16Why?
35:17I don't know.
35:18Samuel L. Jackson, because he was against rappers becoming actors.
35:19Okay.
35:20So he tried to...
35:21You are a Gator?
35:22Huh?
35:23Gator?
35:24He tried to pigeonhole rappers and not letting them get out their box.
35:25No.
35:26I didn't like that.
35:27You didn't like that?
35:28That's the best.
35:29Tisha, DeTuan, Lola?
35:30No, I still haven't come to it.
35:31To Morgan?
35:32Come on.
35:33I can't.
35:34I don't want to be screaming out of a movie.
35:35My position?
35:36Denzel can do no wrong.
35:37Yeah, Denzel can do no wrong.
35:38Come on.
35:39You're keeping him in for the wrong reasons, man.
35:41The character of every movie, I will still watch it.
35:44Well, clearly, this is something I have to carry over until the next show.
35:47All right.
35:48Fair enough.
35:49I want to thank each and everybody for joining me, and thanks for our viewers streaming us
35:52live.
35:53Tune in next week as we broadcast live from Los Angeles for Essence's annual Black Women
35:56in Hollywood event.
35:57I'm your host, Dana Blair, and I'll see you next time.
36:04Bye.
36:05Bye.
36:06Bye.
36:07Bye.
36:08Bye.
36:09Bye.
36:10Bye.
36:11Bye.
36:12Bye.
36:13Bye.
36:14Bye.
36:15Bye.
36:16Bye.
36:17Bye.
36:18Bye.
36:19Bye.
36:20Bye.
36:21Bye.
36:22Bye.
36:23Bye.
36:24Bye.
36:25Bye.
36:26Bye.
36:27Bye.
36:28Bye.
36:29Bye.
36:30Bye.
36:31Bye.
Comments