00:00I'm grateful for our sisterhood.
00:02I'm grateful for your selfless heart.
00:04You are my sister for life.
00:06Aww.
00:07Give me a pumpkin.
00:14The woman in my life that influenced me the most this year
00:18is actually, this may sound really corny, but it's my mother.
00:21Yeah.
00:23My mom has come around.
00:27She's made strides in my life for understanding who I am.
00:32Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:33So much of my life I have felt, and this is not to say anything bad,
00:38I think mothers tend to impose their wants, their wishes,
00:42their desires.
00:43You know what I'm saying?
00:45Career, like whatever.
00:46They want the best for you.
00:46They want the best for you, but sometimes they only
00:48know the best that they know.
00:51It was so freeing one day when my mother finally said,
00:54I've just come to want whatever makes you happy.
00:59Wow.
01:00I'm about to cry talking about it, because I've never.
01:01I know, you're about to let me cry.
01:02I know, yeah.
01:03So she turned a corner, and that opened up a channel
01:06in our relationship as well.
01:08Not that it was ever severely strained or anything, but.
01:10But you know, just.
01:11It was just, yeah, it was that affirmation, I think.
01:14Yeah.
01:14To know that I can make my own decisions,
01:16and she blesses them.
01:18That's awesome.
01:18She saw you for the woman that you are.
01:20Yes.
01:21A woman that had a major influence on me this, you know, 2019.
01:27Mm-hmm.
01:28Well, actually, far beyond 2019, but Michelle Obama.
01:32Our forever first lady.
01:34There's so much about her that I've always been in awe of,
01:38but to know that she's been through some of the same things
01:41that I've been through as a wife, as a mom.
01:44You could tell she just has a big heart for people,
01:46not just our people, but people in general.
01:48Yeah.
01:49And she helped Gianna.
01:50She did.
01:51She helped Gianna.
01:52Yes.
01:52She rubbed my belly.
01:53She rubbed her before you had her.
01:55And she's just such a wonderful person.
01:58The woman who's impacted me this year so much
02:01is my mother-in-law.
02:03I took her to see Michelle Obama, and she's like,
02:07listen, I see you up there with your book.
02:11Yes.
02:12Yes.
02:12You need to write your book.
02:14You need to share your story.
02:17And, you know, even when we did Essence, she was like,
02:20you need to go to each booth at Essence
02:22and look at what the others are doing for the books,
02:26and then let's just plan for next year.
02:29So she's really been encouraging.
02:31That's awesome that she sees that for you also.
02:35And especially from a mother-in-law.
02:37Right.
02:38Mother-in-law.
02:38Because everybody don't get along with their mother-in-law.
02:40Right.
02:41The stories I hear of mother-in-laws is like, hey, so yeah,
02:43are you cooking it like this?
02:44Because he don't like it like that.
02:46He likes it like this.
02:47You know what I mean?
02:47She believes in it more than I do.
02:50And I remember she came maybe around my birthday,
02:54and she just broke down.
02:56And she was like, if I don't make it,
02:59I know that my family is in good hands because of you.
03:03I know, I know, I know, I know.
03:05Myself, yeah.
03:06So it's.
03:07Are you serious?
03:07Mm-hmm.
03:08Mm-hmm.
03:09Oh.
03:12My husband lost his mother, my mother-in-love, Ma Ruby.
03:18And that sucks.
03:23It sucks to watch a son mourn his mother.
03:30Mm-hmm.
03:31You know what I mean?
03:32Yeah.
03:32That's a different kind of pain.
03:34Yeah.
03:34You know, she was the rock of their family.
03:36She was the one that everyone talked to.
03:38She was the one that prayed for everybody.
03:39She was the one that got us up every Sunday morning for church,
03:42sending us texts all up yet.
03:43What?
03:44Have you had your showers?
03:45You better be there.
03:46If you was out last night, you better be early.
03:49You know what I mean?
03:50And so I got it.
03:51She was the funny.
03:52She was the cook.
03:52She was everyone's everything.
03:55And to lose your center, your nucleus, your core,
04:00you kind of got to figure out how to get back up again.
04:04And as a wife, you'll never replace that.
04:09You'll never feel that void.
04:10And because she was, it's so crazy,
04:15because I've watched him mourn her for so long,
04:17I never really realized myself that I haven't completely mourned her.
04:21Right.
04:22But-
04:22Because you were in helping more.
04:24You were just having to be-
04:25Be strong for him.
04:26As a woman, you just have to-
04:27Yeah.
04:28Wow.
04:28Mask it and-
04:29Wow.
04:30And that's tough, and that's something that you'll never get over.
04:34Even if it's not your, I understood that.
04:39And it hit different when you talked about your mom and love,
04:43because I know how much she loves and adores you.
04:46And I know my mother loved-
04:47Yeah.
04:48Adored me.
04:49She did.
04:50I met her at your baby shower.
04:51Yeah.
04:52Like, she was so happy.
04:53She was.
04:54And excited.
04:55And I'm so glad she got the whole Gianna.
04:57Yes.
04:58Yeah.
04:59Meet her.
05:00Love on her.
05:01Um, but man, I don't even think I've cried like that about-
05:07Are you serious?
05:08Yeah.
05:09You know, you have to-
05:10You've been in such mode.
05:11Yeah.
05:12You got to put on the face.
05:13You have to.
05:14You don't all the time.
05:15You've got to feel what you feel, too.
05:17You never know what someone is feeling.
05:21Whether they've lost a family member who they associate with this holiday,
05:25or they are going through a breakup or just a rough time, had a rough year, financially,
05:33emotionally, spiritually, whatever that is, like, this is the time when somehow things
05:37can hit.
05:38Yes.
05:39You know, the loss feels great.
05:41So check up on people.
05:44Yeah.
05:45And don't just call.
05:46Like, go stop by.
05:47Yes.
05:48You know what I'm saying?
05:49Be there.
05:50Be present.
05:51Be present.
05:52Are lashes still on?
05:53They are.
05:54Yes.
05:55You're just in the night.
05:56Is that it?
05:57It's not really working.
05:58I guess so.
05:59You get real creative.
06:00That's what she always uses.
06:01Oh, my God.
06:02Yes.
06:03Now that's real creative.
06:04I can't see a thing.
06:05I have to be able to trust every woman that's around me.
06:10There has to be an intimacy.
06:11Yes.
06:12And for intimacy to occur, there has to be trust.
06:14Stay tuned for the next episode of If Not For My Girls.
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