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00:00Good afternoon, my name is Sobhya.
00:05And my question is that women are often labelled, for example,
00:10if she dresses up or she wears makeup, then she is judged unfairly and
00:15they don't understand her individuality.
00:17So why is that women are labelled?
00:20So often and how can one rise above this labels?
00:25See, when you are saying that women are
00:30labelled, you are talking of
00:35others, right?
00:37So there is somebody other.
00:40There is somebody out there who is labelling the woman, right?
00:44Yeah.
00:45And the woman is now...
00:50At least slightly concerned or disturbed.
00:54And that's...
00:55That's why she is raising this question, right?
00:58Right?
00:58Because...
01:00Whatever a woman does, her choices, whether it's about her career,
01:03whether it's about her clothes...
01:05her makeup, anything, it's all criticised.
01:07So at some point it affects her.
01:09Right.
01:10So labelled by others, criticised...
01:15by others and you now rightly put your finger...
01:20on the woman's inner condition.
01:24You said it...
01:25It affects her.
01:28So probably that is...
01:30what is the central issue and the central...
01:35weakness that enables and emboldens others...
01:40to pass judgements...
01:44and...
01:45psychologically and physically dominate her...
01:48since centuries.
01:51Are you getting it?
01:52I mean...
01:53If the woman...
01:55for any person...
01:56irrespective of gender...
01:58really understands...
02:01herself...
02:03and therefore her choices...
02:06why would there be...
02:08a need to be...
02:10affected by others...
02:14then the very basis...
02:15of this question...
02:18would become needless...
02:21you see...
02:22I am a person...
02:23right...
02:24and if I am...
02:25very sure of...
02:26who I am...
02:27and where...
02:28my choices...
02:29and...
02:30actions...
02:31are coming from...
02:33then...
02:34do I need to...
02:35answer...
02:36what this person...
02:37or that person...
02:38is saying about me...
02:39do I need to...
02:40to bother...
02:41but...
02:42we bother...
02:43don't we...
02:44as human beings...
02:45as...
02:46women...
02:47we find...
02:48ourselves...
02:49both...
02:50bothered...
02:51disturbed...
02:52right...
02:53with the need...
02:54to be validated...
02:56and...
02:57probably...
02:58there lies...
02:59the...
03:00real...
03:01issue...
03:02why...
03:03is there...
03:04a need...
03:05to be...
03:06validated...
03:05why...
03:06is there...
03:07a need...
03:08to seek...
03:09sanctions...
03:10from others...
03:10and...
03:11as long as...
03:12that need...
03:13exists...
03:15a weakness would exist because if you look to others to grant
03:20their sanctions, others can withhold it.
03:25By withholding their sanction, they gain a handle over you.
03:29They gain power over you.
03:30So, the real problem is not that others are judgmental.
03:35Or that others unfairly criticize you.
03:40The real problem is that you are affected by their judgment or
03:45criticism.
03:46And I'll correct myself here, even that is not the real problem.
03:50Because the need to look to others to have an understanding is not the real problem.
04:12I do not know who I am.
04:13I do not know why I should hold this mic.
04:15I do not know why.
04:16I should wear these shoes.
04:17I do not know why I should be present here at all or why I should
04:21wear this stuff.
04:22I do not know.
04:23So, what will I do then?
04:26I will ask all and sundry.
04:27Sir, do you approve of this?
04:30Ma'am, what do you approve of this?
04:31Ma'am, what do you approve of this?
04:31What do you think of this?
04:32All, should I be sitting here?
04:36To the entire world, I'll beg.
04:38Please tell me how do I behave?
04:40What are my limits?
04:41How do I speak?
04:43How do I marry?
04:44How do I eat?
04:45How do I walk?
04:46How do I dress up?
04:48Why does that happen in the first place?
04:51That happens because I do not know who I am.
04:55Because I have borrowed.
04:56My sense of self from history, tradition, society.
04:59I have not.
05:01Looked afresh at myself originally and when I do not look
05:06afresh at myself, I lean on external knowledge.
05:11And the current of tradition, then the result will be that.
05:16I would be walking on social external.
05:21Crutches.
05:22And that's what the others exploit to the hilt.
05:26Please understand, there are no free lunches.
05:29If you are dependent on someone,
05:31whether physically, financially, emotionally or psychologically,
05:34there would be a price to pay.
05:36And women have been taught that dependence is
05:41probably alright.
05:45In fact, depending on...
05:46Your presence has been glorified.
05:50And if you will depend...
05:51then you will find yourself helpless.
05:55Bluntly put at the MERS...
05:56Let's see of others.
05:59Huh?
06:00So, very super...
06:01Your official example would be...
06:02You think you have dressed up rightly.
06:05And you approach the other...
06:06the other for validation.
06:07And he says,
06:08Ah!
06:09What crap!
06:10And you will be...
06:11frustrated.
06:12For something as trivial as...
06:15Clothing.
06:16Something as trivial as that.
06:17Because the other didn't approve of it.
06:21And if such an impact...
06:24can occur...
06:26in such a trivial matter...
06:28think of the deeper things of life.
06:31Whether to pursue higher education...
06:36whether to think independently...
06:39whether to proceed in...
06:41such a such way...
06:44in terms of career...
06:46whether to relocate...
06:49for the sake of work...
06:51when and whether to marry...
06:53when and whether to marry...
06:54when and...
06:56whether to have kids...
06:58all these things...
06:59you will find yourself...
07:01dependent on others.
07:05And it is...
07:06not a good condition.
07:08I am saying that...
07:09very mildly.
07:11I should rather say...
07:12it's a pathetic condition.
07:14If for such intimate things...
07:16in life...
07:18you have to borrow...
07:19approval from others...
07:21then...
07:22then...
07:23then...
07:24then...
07:25I need to be...
07:26you know...
07:27cautious.
07:26I need to be alerted...
07:29I need to tell myself...
07:30no no no no no...
07:31I am a human being...
07:32fully capable...
07:33fully mature...
07:34and there is a certain...
07:35dignity to...
07:36uphold...
07:38and there is...
07:39there is something...
07:40so intimate...
07:41to all of us...
07:42that...
07:43no external party...
07:44should be allowed...
07:45to encroach...
07:46or touch up...
07:46upon...
07:47right...
07:48there is a certain...
07:49sacredness within...
07:51doesn't matter...
07:52man, woman...
07:53whatever...
07:54there has to be...
07:55a spot within...
07:56that nobody should be...
07:57allowed...
07:58to violate...
07:59enter...
08:00touch...
08:01spoil...
08:01that inner...
08:04sanctity...
08:05that inner...
08:06sacredness...
08:06is...
08:07what is called as...
08:08the self...
08:09the true self...
08:10the pure self...
08:11right...
08:12but...
08:13but...
08:14what...
08:15what...
08:16we have been...
08:17brought up...
08:16as...
08:17and...
08:18even educated...
08:19to be...
08:21is...
08:23creatures of...
08:24dependence...
08:26depend on this...
08:28depend on that...
08:29depend on that...
08:30depend on that...
08:31there are certain...
08:32you know...
08:33books...
08:34in fact...
08:35books of...
08:36social conduct...
08:37that have explicitly...
08:39said that a woman...
08:40should never be...
08:41independent...
08:46as a...
08:46kid...
08:47she should be...
08:48dependent on...
08:49the father...
08:50later on...
08:51the husband...
08:51and...
08:52when she grows old...
08:53then she should be...
08:54dependent on...
08:56the son...
08:58Now think of the...
08:59kind of...
09:00distance...
09:01distortion...
09:02this would bring...
09:03to the collective...
09:04mind...
09:06of...
09:07humanity...
09:10right...
09:11dependence...
09:11becomes...
09:12a...
09:13way of life...
09:14Have you ever...
09:15wondered...
09:16so...
09:17you talked of...
09:18dressing up...
09:19or...
09:20makeup...
09:21have you ever...
09:22wondered...
09:21why...
09:22so...
09:23many...
09:24poems...
09:25have been...
09:26written...
09:26praising...
09:27the beauty of...
09:28women...
09:29in particular...
09:32as if...
09:33the other gender...
09:34is totally deprived...
09:35of beauty...
09:36no...
09:37I too...
09:38can feel hurt...
09:41no...
09:42I have...
09:43so...
09:44many...
09:46poems...
09:47been composed...
09:48specifically...
09:49for...
09:50women...
09:52think of it...
09:53go into it...
09:54deeply...
09:55do we really...
09:56know...
09:57what beauty...
09:58is...
09:59do we have...
10:00an...
10:01original conception...
10:01of beauty...
10:02really...
10:03original...
10:04authentic...
10:05ingrown...
10:06heartfelt...
10:08had we known that...
10:09as women...
10:10had we known that...
10:11then...
10:12we wouldn't have...
10:13needed...
10:14somebody else...
10:15to pamper us...
10:16with their...
10:16words...
10:17flowers...
10:18and rainbows...
10:21but the men...
10:22very well know that...
10:23the woman...
10:23can be...
10:24flattered...
10:25why...
10:25because...
10:26she has...
10:27been distorted...
10:28to the extent...
10:29that...
10:30she does not...
10:31quite...
10:32originally...
10:31know...
10:32what beauty...
10:33is...
10:34so...
10:35we will tell her...
10:36you are beautiful...
10:37and...
10:36telling her...
10:37that...
10:38she is beautiful...
10:39will make her...
10:40dependent on us...
10:41because...
10:41today...
10:42she will gloat...
10:44ah...
10:45somebody came in...
10:46told me...
10:47ah...
10:48they are gorgeous...
10:49now...
10:50the same...
10:51fellow...
10:51has been given...
10:53the power...
10:54to return...
10:55to you...
10:56and say...
10:56you are looking...
10:57ugly...
10:58and...
10:59you will find...
11:00yourself shattered...
11:01because...
11:02if he can...
11:03inflate you...
11:04with his...
11:05praise...
11:06he can deflate you...
11:08with his condemnation...
11:09or...
11:10or...
11:11simple...
11:11act...
11:12of...
11:13inattention...
11:16right...
11:17you passed by...
11:18the fellow...
11:19didn't even care...
11:20to throw...
11:21a glass...
11:21and...
11:22you find...
11:23your mood is...
11:24point...
11:25why...
11:26isn't...
11:28our self-worth...
11:29innate...
11:30why...
11:31do we have to...
11:32look at...
11:33others...
11:34why should...
11:35those poems...
11:36succeed...
11:36in...
11:37in...
11:38flattering us...
11:39why should...
11:41the...
11:42women's...
11:43apparel market...
11:44be booming...
11:45like this...
11:46why should...
11:46seventy percent...
11:47of the world's...
11:48cosmetics...
11:49be consumed...
11:50by women...
11:51please understand...
11:51this is one area...
11:54one of the few areas...
11:55in which women...
11:56dominate...
11:59ninety-seven percent...
12:00of world's...
12:01cosmetics...
12:02are consumed...
12:03by women...
12:04men consume...
12:05only three percent...
12:06Why not that consuming?
12:11Cosmetics is a problem. Not in itself, but it is a problem.
12:16When it is done to please somebody else, when it is done to
12:21please somebody else, then probably there is a problem.
12:25You need to
12:26find out for yourself. I have nobody to tell you.
12:31Are you getting it?
12:34And then...
12:36It becomes a sort of joke with men.
12:41They say, you know, these creatures, they don't even talk of
12:46the gender. They say this is species as if it's a, you know,
12:50understand the joke. This is...
12:51species is overly sensitive. So...
12:56Be mindful.
12:59Be mindful where you are stepping because...
13:01some random, casual, innocuous remark can offend them.
13:06Now, why should one be offended easily if at all?
13:11Because one wanted a certain...
13:16appreciation or approval from the other. And if one does not get it.
13:21one finds herself very vulnerable. Oh my God!
13:26Even a casual remark will hurt you.
13:31Even the casual absence of a remark can hurt you.
13:36I took two hours to dress up.
13:40And he said nothing.
13:42And he said nothing.
13:44And he might even not know.
13:46that he has offended you. And the entire day then...
13:52You are sulking.
13:54And the fellow is wondering whatever I do.
13:56What have you done?
13:57The thing is you have not done anything.
14:00And that's the reason why...
14:01there is a problem.
14:02You should have done something.
14:05No, no.
14:06I know it sounds funny.
14:08But it really is not.
14:12Yes, it is funny.
14:13I too will want to take it as a joke.
14:17But the reality is this is not a joke.
14:20This is...
14:21this is...
14:22at the root of all our bondage.
14:26You're hitting it.
14:31Yeah, proceed.
14:36So, as you said about clothing, makeup and all, it goes
14:41more deeper, right, certain professions when a woman chooses to be in certain professions.
14:46Then they are like, you know, that's not a field that a woman should be in.
14:50For example.
14:52Criminal law.
14:53When I say, I wanted to do criminal law then.
14:56There were people who told me that's not a good field for women, you know, it's risky for women.
15:01You know, you are not going to really benefit much from it.
15:04So, it's just not about makeup.
15:06In clothing, it goes way deeper.
15:08And as you said, when somebody.
15:11Does not say anything.
15:12Even when we dress up, it's true.
15:14It does spoiler mode because.
15:16Since childhood, what happened is that we are emotionally dependent on people.
15:21And most of the time, it's more common in women that they are very emotionally like.
15:26deeply attached and dependent on others.
15:28Yeah, they are trained to be.
15:29Yeah.
15:30They are trained to be.
15:31Yes.
15:32You see, that has to be challenged.
15:36What else can be said?
15:38Yes.
15:39There is criminal law.
15:40And there are.
15:41certain other fields that have not traditionally been.
15:46women's bastions.
15:47Yes.
15:48When.
15:51When I entered IIT 1995.
15:53There are two departments.
15:56that girls don't usually prefer.
15:58Mechanical engineering and civil engineering.
16:01Yet, we did have a couple of girls in.
16:06Both of these departments.
16:07In fact, I think in mechanical, there was just one.
16:11So, somebody has to initiate it.
16:13So, somebody has to initiate it.
16:16And I am quite sure if we look at the batch composition today.
16:21at the better engineering colleges.
16:24It would be much better.
16:26than one by sixty.
16:29Maybe still not fifty percent.
16:31I am sure it is still not fifty percent.
16:34But at least twenty percent.
16:36Now.
16:37So, somebody makes a start.
16:39And then the thing from there.
16:42Just gains a life of its own.
16:44You become an inspiration.
16:45You become an inspiration.
16:47Getting it?
16:48That's fine.
16:49Getting it?
16:51Thanks.
16:52Okay.
16:53Getting it?
16:56Getting it?
16:59Marketing, especially the sales part.
17:04So, women can be in finance.
17:09Mostly they are found in HR, mostly they are found in HR, but they can be.
17:14In finance or in consulting or in strategy, but they are usually.
17:19Usually not found in sales, at least till 20 years.
17:2420 years back, but then there were certain women who took the lead.
17:29They said, we like this, we like to be right at the front.
17:34We like to have our feet on the street.
17:39So, they started it from there and then it happens.
17:42You very well know that even in Olympia.
17:44Picks women were not allowed till not so long back, right?
17:49So, all these doors are now opening.
17:53In fact, you...
17:54The doors are a relatively privileged generation.
17:59If you just go back two or five decades, you will be...
18:04amazed at how many doors were closed then.
18:08The so-called development...
18:09Europe countries of the West.
18:11Do you know when women got...
18:14the right to vote there, even universal...
18:19adult franchisee did not exist.
18:23In many of these...
18:24so-called developed countries, women couldn't vote.
18:28But today they can.
18:29And there still are countries where women can't drive.
18:34And there still are countries where if women have to go out, there must be a...
18:39accompanied by a male guardian or somebody.
18:44So, fine.
18:45All that is history.
18:46And...
18:47and therefore the...
18:49girl must know that there is not much in history for the girl.
18:54Don't be so historically aligned.
18:57Don't be so historically aligned.
18:59Don't say you are carriers of historical traditions because history really carries...
19:04nothing for you.
19:07The woman must make a fresh start.
19:09I understand if men say we are...
19:14traditionalists and we are proud of glorious history...
19:19historical episodes...
19:20this or that.
19:21But it is quite amusing.
19:22When a woman comes up...
19:24the woman...
19:25the woman...
19:26starts...
19:27talking of her identity...
19:29identification or attachment...
19:31with history.
19:34What do you have to do with history?
19:37History has given nothing to you.
19:39If you will look at history, you will only find your oppression and glory...
19:44glorified oppression.
19:48Religiously...
19:49legally...
19:50socially...
19:51sanctioned oppression.
19:55Right?
19:56Therefore, you must make a fresh start.
19:59And that's the reason you need the field of...
20:04wisdom...
20:05wisdom literature...
20:06and...
20:07real...
20:08deep...
20:09core...
20:10philosophy...
20:11and spirituality...
20:12so much.
20:13And by spirituality...
20:14no way...
20:15mean...
20:16organized religion or its tenets.
20:17No!
20:19I mean...
20:21hardcore philosophy...
20:22dealing with the bondage of...
20:24the self.
20:25That is what is spirituality.
20:29Are you getting it?
20:34You must have a good knowledge of history.
20:39And that will liberate you from history.
20:44It's been man's history through and through.
20:50There is not much for you there.
20:51There is not much for you there.
20:54No!
20:59Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
21:04You
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