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00:00This video is sponsored by BetterHelp.
00:05Rick Sanchez!
00:06The Doctor!
00:08These brilliant geniuses dominate the cosmos, but who would win an all-out brawl?
00:13He's Wears and I'm Boomstick!
00:15And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a death battle.
00:24Everything about Morty Smith's life was perfectly average.
00:28Average house, average family, average school.
00:31Maybe slightly below average intelligence.
00:33But everything changed the day his grandpa Rick came home.
00:37Yeah, in style!
00:39Cause Rick Sanchez is anything but average!
00:42Rick is easily the smartest man in the universe, and it's most dangerous criminal.
00:48He spent years on the run from the Galactic Federation, going on adventures across the multiverse.
00:53Who cares about the emotional trauma from abandoning his daughter, right?
00:57And then he took her son and put him in life-threatening danger!
01:00Bye!
01:01Thus formed the greatest duo of the generation, Rick and Morty.
01:05Yeah, mostly Rick.
01:06Morty's the cannon fodder who smuggles grapefruit-sized seeds up his ass.
01:10And that's just the first episode!
01:12Rick is an unparalleled inventor, always ready to face even the squanchiest of alien foes.
01:17He's got your usuals!
01:18Laser gun, invisibility belt, shrink ray, cyborg implants, the works!
01:22As well as some weirder things.
01:25Like a Mr. Meeseeks box, which can summon an infinite number of irritating temporary lifeforms that will work tirelessly to accomplish a given task.
01:32Or a series of android decoys that are so perfectly created, they don't even realize they're decoys.
01:38Which leads them to create decoys that create decoys and so on.
01:42Rick's gadgets can erase your memories, manipulate and travel through time, and even make a surface true level.
01:49As in perfectly flat, something normally mathematically impossible.
01:53So beautiful that experiencing it for only a moment before returning to non-Euclidean space can emotionally scar you for life.
02:01He can even inject you with his own genetic info and instantly chest burst a clone of himself from inside you.
02:07Like a pasty alcoholic xenomorph!
02:10What the hell?
02:11Rick and Morty travel the universe in the Space Cruiser.
02:14Powered by a microverse under the hood, this compact starship comes equipped with laser cannons, a fishing line that can tow a solar system, and a unique artificial intelligence.
02:25With all that crazy sci-fi gear, Rick and Morty's adventures were absolutely bonkers.
02:30From disentangling a time loop created by alien snakes, to battling the metafictional story lord, to Rick turning himself into a pickle to avoid family therapy.
02:40This guy would rather battle the Russian mafia as a vegetable than address his feelings.
02:45Actually, Pickle's a fruit.
02:46Because boy oh boy, does he have a lot of them.
02:49Behind the fart jokes and wubba lubba dub dubs, Rick harbors bitter emotional agony.
02:54Way back when, in a completely different universe, the Rick we know had a happy life, until another Rick from another universe took it all away, the bastard!
03:04But like me, Rick is a true inventor, and this tragedy spurred him to craft his greatest creation, the portal gun.
03:11My scans indicate it creates holes through all aspects of space-time, allowing Rick to travel anywhere in the multiverse. It sounds exhausting.
03:21It can do more than that! It can slice you in half, set up traps, and even-
03:28That's coming out of your paycheck.
03:30Nuh uh.
03:31Decades of traveling the multiverse hunting down the man who ruined his life darkened Rick's heart.
03:35He began to ask himself, if there are an infinite number of universes, with an infinite number of each person, how did any individual life matter?
03:44Sounds like he's overthinking it.
03:46Like the time he accidentally turned all of humanity into horrific Cronenbergs.
03:50He and Morty had to escape to a parallel universe, where they swapped places with recently deceased versions of themselves.
03:56What does that do to a person?
03:58Make some badass!
04:00When Rick found the Interdimensional Council of Ricks, he kicked their teeth in!
04:04Like they say, he's the Rickest Rick of them all!
04:07That he is.
04:08Just touching the hem of his coat can activate his energy shield, or even induce instant death.
04:13Instant death!
04:14Yes, instant!
04:15No, it isn't explained why.
04:16Though considering this reaction, it's likely a chemical released through the coat's lining.
04:20Rickest Rick, whiz!
04:21He's dodged an orbital space laser from just a few feet away!
04:25He's so smart, he figured out he's in a TV show!
04:29Yep, really!
04:30Perhaps most mysterious is Operation Phoenix.
04:33A series of clone bodies that his consciousness can be uploaded to upon his death.
04:37Despite eventually taking it offline, his mind is still connected to every other Operation Phoenix across the multiverse.
04:43Giving him an infinite number of extra lives, even if some of them are shrimps and fascists.
04:49Some of his devices can destroy the Earth, the universe, even numerous alternate timelines.
04:53He actually did that just to manipulate the stock market.
04:57Though underneath the drunken god complex, there's still a glimmer of the family man Rick used to be.
05:03Well, as much as he insists that love is just a chemical reaction in the brain, he does care about his daughter and grandkids.
05:10And Jerry.
05:11Sometimes.
05:12He's taken on an alien Zeus, the President of the United States, and the actual Devil.
05:18Even exiting the bounds of fiction into meta-reality, fighting Jesus H Leaping Christ himself, and meeting Joseph Campbell.
05:25Talk about a hero's journey.
05:27Challenge Rick at your will.
05:29He might look like a scrawny, drunken, septuagenarian.
05:32And he is.
05:33But he's also, somehow, the greatest warrior in the universe.
05:38And you can lick his balls.
05:40Ian Chesterton and Barbara Wright were just your average school teachers, with a less than average student.
05:48Susan was odd.
05:50Almost like an alien.
05:52And when they met her grandfather and his police box, they found out why.
05:56They were aliens!
05:58And that police box was the TARDIS.
06:00A two-in-one spaceship and time machine.
06:03Thus, they were whisked away into the stars.
06:05Kicking off over half a century of timey-wimey adventures with a revolving cast of companions.
06:10Like Sarah Jane Smith, Rose Tyler, The Brigadier, Amy Pond, and so many more.
06:15Complete with the cheesiest special effects you've ever seen.
06:18This madman with a box had a name he would never tell, and a history he would always run from.
06:24He was only known as the Doctor.
06:26Doctor who?
06:27Exactly.
06:28Doctor exactly?
06:29Though the Doctor's origins are shrouded in mystery, we know they were born several thousand years ago,
06:35and earned degrees in Cosmic Science and Higher Dimensional Physics.
06:38But he got bored with the stuffy Time Lord bureaucrats, stole a TARDIS, and explored time and space as a runaway.
06:45Who can forget those adventures chasing dinosaurs on a spaceship, dueling Robin Hood with a spoon, or shoving Hitler in a closet?
06:53Yeah, we know it's kind of weird. It's British.
06:55But if you don't know who's who, you're probably wondering, who are all these people?
07:00A bunch of old guys, young guys, a lady, and one of the three stooges!
07:04What?!
07:05The Doctor is a Time Lord from the planet Gallifrey.
07:08Time Lords may look human, but couldn't be more different.
07:12Not only do they have two hearts, they literally experience time differently.
07:16They can see past, present, and future all at once.
07:19They can resist temporal phenomena such as time stops, and can tamper with fixed points in time.
07:24They're effectively acausal beings.
07:26This makes them super hard to predict, and nearly impossible to erase from any timeline.
07:31They can even breach the bounds of space and talk directly to you!
07:34Yes, you at home!
07:36Hello there!
07:37Time Lords are practically walking deus ex machinas.
07:40In fact, a lot of them would be proud to be called that.
07:43Yeah, the Doc ran away for a reason.
07:45Time Lords are a bit dodgy.
07:47The Doctor has hypnotized with a glance, resisted mind control, survived deadly radiation, and even learned transmigration.
07:55As in, the ability to summon an object out of thin air.
07:59Sounds crazy, but it's apparently standard fare for Time Lord Academy.
08:03But the reason why there are so many Doctors is that Time Lords have a funny way of cheating death.
08:09Upon receiving a fatal wound, the Doctor undergoes regeneration, gaining a new healthy body.
08:15It's way more than that!
08:16While reloading, the Doctor has regrown lost limbs, become strong enough to knock down steel doors, and even weaponized his own time energy!
08:25Downside being, if a Time Lord dies during regeneration, that ends the process permanently.
08:31To date, we've seen 14 versions of the Doctor, plus a few extras mixed in here and there.
08:36Hell, by the time you're watching this, you've probably seen the 15th! Or the 16th!
08:42The experiences each Doctor gains changes and affects the next Doctor, and the next, and so on.
08:47Each Doctor maintains the same memories, but with an all-new personality.
08:51Some like bow ties, some like jelly babies, some kick butt with Venusian karate, and some really hate the monarchy!
08:58Probably cause they're werewolves!
09:01But they always have one thing in common.
09:04They are brish!
09:05Well, one other thing in common.
09:07The Doctor always enjoys the thrill of adventure, and they've got plenty of tech to help.
09:12Like the sonic screwdriver!
09:14Utilizing sonic waves to manipulate nearby objects, it can pick locks, cause detonations, and fry circuitry.
09:20It's sort of a Swiss Army plot device that can hack its way through most problems.
09:24The perfect pacifist tool for resolving conflict.
09:27It's only weakness is that it doesn't do wood, or turkey.
09:31Though considering it can destroy machines, disrupt molecules, and even erase memories, I'll take it.
09:36The Doctor doesn't often carry weapons.
09:38There's an invisibility watch, a time travel ring, psychic paper that tricks basically everyone,
09:43and perception filters that prevent others from noticing certain things, even people.
09:47But the Doctor does reluctantly have a few weapons stored away, like the dematerialization gun!
09:53It might look slapped together with Hobby Lobby pipes, but the demat can literally erase you from time.
09:59As in, it causes you to have never existed in the first place.
10:03But if you never existed, then the gun would have never needed to fire.
10:08Which means you weren't wiped from existence.
10:10Which means the gun would need to fire.
10:13Which means-
10:15Did you say something?
10:18That's not the only time erasing tool in the Doctor's box.
10:22But we gotta talk about, you know, the box!
10:24Shabby blue police box on the outside!
10:27Incredible time machine that's bigger on the inside!
10:30This is the TARDIS!
10:32The time and relative dimension in space is a sentient ship that travels space and time with ease.
10:37It's strong enough to tow planets, powerful enough to stop antimatter from destroying the universe,
10:42and tough enough to tank lightning from Zeus.
10:45Yes, the god Zeus.
10:47It can even adjust its interior to an infinite degree, both in terms of space and time.
10:52So, uh, if the TARDIS doesn't like you, you might get lost inside it... forever.
10:57Don't piss off the TARDIS!
10:58Or any of the Doctor's enemies!
11:00Some of the universe's deadliest monsters!
11:02Cybermen!
11:03Zygons!
11:04Weeping angels!
11:05And the Slitheen!
11:06The big chunky aliens that took over 10 Downing Street!
11:09And couldn't stop farting!
11:11Even when the Doctor prefers not to resort to fisticuffs,
11:14he's tough enough to survive bolts of lightning that vaporized an ordinary human.
11:18He's even dodged half a dozen disintegration rays,
11:21while also improvising several thousand calculations in a matter of nanoseconds.
11:26Yeah, the Doctor's super smart!
11:28So smart, his brain once powered a one-thousand-year-old supercomputer!
11:32The Doctor's outwitted cosmic entities like the Great Intelligence,
11:35the Time Lord Nemesis, the Master,
11:37and, apparently, the original Satan!
11:40Who isn't even the most frightening alien in the multiverse,
11:42because that would be the Daleks!
11:44Alright, bear with me here!
11:46They may look like trash cans with plungers,
11:49but they can exterminate anything that gets in their way!
11:52Even all of space and time!
11:54Like when they battled the Time Lords to extinction in the Last Great Time War!
11:58A war that showed a darker side to the Doctor.
12:02Thrust into a conflict that put all of reality at risk,
12:05the Doctor became a warrior, a soldier, a killer.
12:09A side of him that had always been there,
12:11hiding just under that cheeky grin.
12:13Finally, in a single moment,
12:15the Doctor pressed a big red button to end the war,
12:18and all of Gallifrey, once and for all.
12:21As much as he didn't like the Time Lords,
12:23the Doctor cares for life above all things,
12:26so genociding his own people was the worst thing that could possibly happen.
12:30As the last of the Time Lords,
12:32the Doctor proved to be the most dangerous person in the universe.
12:35Isolation threatened to turn him into the very type of Time Lord he despised,
12:39a master who controls the laws of time,
12:42the Time Lord Victorious.
12:45And God help your immortal soul if you piss him off,
12:48if he's desperate or if you threaten his friends,
12:51you won't be prepared for how far he'll go.
12:53Like trapping you in every mirror in existence,
12:56imprisoning you in the event horizon of a collapsing galaxy,
13:00or suspending you in time to be used as a scarecrow.
13:03Fortunately, Gallifrey wasn't destroyed.
13:06It turns out the Doctor, all of the Doctors,
13:09saved the Time Lords,
13:10but just forgot about it until time could catch up to them.
13:13It's complicated.
13:14Still, even their biggest L turned out to be a dub in disguise.
13:17That's how you know you're fantastic.
13:20But a Doctor's job is never finished.
13:22Without witness, without reward,
13:24you'll never know when they'll show up to save the day.
13:26But if you happen to be up against the Doctor,
13:29there's really only one thing you can do.
13:32Run.
13:33This video is sponsored by BetterHelp.
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14:32Alright, the combatants are set,
14:33and we've run the data through all possibilities.
14:36It's time for our Death Battle!
14:42Oh, geez, Rick. It was my fault.
14:44Shut the fuck up, Morty!
14:45I knew Time Lords were suicidal morons,
14:48but I didn't know they never invented rearview mirrors.
14:50Are you sick?
14:51You're the one who hit me.
14:53Oh, go on, I'm busy.
14:57Son of a bitch! He's ignoring me?!
15:06Holy, it was a ship!
15:08G-40's safe!
15:09No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
15:10What are you...
15:11Uh-oh!
15:12No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!
15:13No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
15:14Oh, what do they do to you?
15:15H-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-H-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A!
15:26No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
15:27Oh, what do they do to you?
15:30Ah-ah-ah!
15:32Aaaaaah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah!
15:34Play-board-eyboard-rock-like- cuts!
15:36Um!
15:37AJo!
15:38H-A-A-A ma'am!
15:40Alright, fine. Queensbury rules? A bit of Venusian Karate?
15:44Keep quipping, asshole. Maybe you'll find a good joke on the ground next to your teeth.
15:49Vanguard!
16:02Ah, this place looks fun. Do they have a little shop? I like little shops.
16:10Ha ha!
16:20Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
16:23Whoa!
16:27Well, flank as much as you can. They're scared of rapid movement.
16:35Mother fu-
16:38Huh?
16:42What?
16:43What?
16:44Whoop!
16:46Oh, my balls, son!
16:47Ha ha ha!
16:49Oh, it's a music button!
16:55Son of a piece of butter!
16:58Oh, you brilliant old girl. Switching rooms around. Fantastic!
17:02Huh?
17:03Ah!
17:04Ah!
17:05Ah!
17:06Ah!
17:07Ah!
17:08Ah!
17:09It's fun to be the class clown till you get-
17:17...
17:18...
17:19...
17:20...
17:21The one waiting on me.
17:22He won't die an idiot, like you!
17:24Oh, you're your type.
17:26The nihilists know it all.
17:29But through all this wibbly-wobbly tymy-wimey rubbish,
17:33there's one thing you never quite understood.
17:36I'm the doctor...
17:38...
17:39...
17:40Oh!
17:56Oh, my jump, jump!
17:59Oh, damn!
18:05Oh, my God!
18:10Quite an impressive craft, Morty. You built it yourself.
18:13Uh, I guess so.
18:15Then you've got a bright future ahead. Don't be a cynic!
18:23Morty, if you forgive me, I'll haunt your ass!
18:24Who the f*** are you?
18:27K.O.! Live by the portal, die by the portal.
18:31Let's break this down. First off, Rick and the Doctor could both dodge lasers, making them pretty even,
18:36so neither could reliably win a quickdraw.
18:38Also, neither have shown any consistent signs of strength all that different from an above-average human.
18:44The Doctor could get a superhuman strength boost during regeneration, but that is fairly incidental.
18:49So as far as physical ability is concerned, neither had a significant edge.
18:53But when it comes to weapons, Rick had way more deadly killing machines,
18:58a lot of which could wipe out whole planets, galaxies, and more.
19:01If he could get the jump on the Doctor, he'd have a good chance of winning.
19:04Of course, there's similar speeds, but he probably wasn't getting that opportunity.
19:09There's no denying his firepower was superior overall, but that still had to contend with the Doctor's technology.
19:15Yeah, despite all of Rick's crazy inventions, most of which could kill a normal person instantly,
19:20the Doctor matched or countered pretty much all of it.
19:23Being a Time Lord, meant he could resist any time-warping trickery Rick threw at him,
19:27and the Sonic screwdriver could hack and even destroy nearly everything Rick had.
19:32The Sonic has even disabled teleportation and time-travel technology before,
19:36making it more than capable of hijacking Rick's portal gun, which has been hacked in the past.
19:41With that gun, Rick was kind of a sitting duck.
19:44Operation Phoenix makes killing Rick permanently almost impossible,
19:47but the Doctor's reality-altering tech like the DMAT meant there would be no Rick left to upload to a new body at all,
19:53effectively ending the fight in a single shot.
19:56And that was hardly the only reality-warping superweapon the Doctor had access to.
20:00The Doctor's technology presented a clear advantage.
20:03Now let's tuck ships. This one's pretty clear-cut.
20:06The Space Cruiser was a deadly machine that towed a solar system,
20:10but the TARDIS single-handedly held off a universe-destroying event.
20:14That's an edge for the Doctor.
20:16But perhaps most important of all was their experience and intelligence.
20:20Rick mastered space and time to the point of becoming a veritable god.
20:24But you can say the same for the Doctor, who is way older.
20:28It's kind of like the Doctor has been Rick-in for many times longer than Rick himself.
20:32And when push comes to shove, the Doctor is just as experienced of a warrior as Rick ever was, if not more so.
20:39Eleven spent 900 years battling Daleks, Cybermen, Suntarans, and moron Trenzalore and came out on top.
20:46And don't forget how quickly the Doctor can formulate, calculate, and initiate plans.
20:51Like when he dodged half a dozen rays and improvised thousands of calculations in his head
20:56to siphon the ray's energy into a teleporter, all in a matter of nanoseconds.
21:00Rick usually relies on being the smartest guy in the room.
21:04When he's forced to battle people at his own level, he's often outsmarted,
21:07like with the Prime Rick or Gas-a-Morty.
21:11Rick was a formidable genius, but the Doctor's incredible technology, unmatched intelligence,
21:16and thousands of years of experience gave him the win.
21:19Ah, jeez! I bet Rick was absolutely mortified to lose.
21:23The winner is the Doctor.
21:28Hi, I'm Ben, the voice of Wiz. Thank you so much for watching.
21:31We are about to announce the next episode, but before we do that,
21:34if you're not a Death Battle member yet, click that Join button below.
21:37See what you're missing.
21:37We'll see you next time.
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