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00:00April 8th, 2009.
00:04From Comedy Central's World News Headquarters in New York,
00:07this is The Daily Show with Jon Stewart.
00:21Man, oh man!
00:23Holy s- Do you hear that?
00:25It's like they just came in off the streets.
00:30Welcome to The Daily Show.
00:33My name is Jon Stewart.
00:34Today's show is a big one.
00:35Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi will be here.
00:39You know what they're hoping?
00:41They're hoping she talks budget.
00:44People love that budget.
00:47You know, there's a lot of holidays this week.
00:49Obviously, Passover is at some point around here.
00:53You got Easter there.
00:54And, of course, Monday was...
00:57Today I'm announcing the key decisions
00:59I will recommend to the president
01:00with respect to the fiscal year 2010.
01:04It's Department of Defense initial budget recommendation
01:06and fiscal assignations day.
01:18That is the world's most dangerous party confetti.
01:21So what did Gates ask for?
01:24Please be half a trillion dollars to preserve the status quo.
01:27Please.
01:27A fundamental overhaul of the Pentagon's programs and policies.
01:31Secretary Gates' budget marks the most sweeping change
01:35in military thinking in generations.
01:37A sweeping change in military thinking.
01:40From now on, they will shoot before they see the whites of their eyes.
01:45What is the fundamental change?
01:50The secretary broke it down this way.
01:52Fifty percent of the budget will still be used to fight conventional wars.
01:56Forty percent can be used on all types of wars,
01:59leaving ten percent for irregular wars.
02:06Irregular wars?
02:07Now I know what you're thinking.
02:09No.
02:10We don't want a regular wars.
02:11We want the good wars.
02:12Not the wars you find in the bin at TJ Maxx.
02:16We don't want to get our troops ready to fight in Vietnam.
02:23Now Gates and Obama will ask for $534 billion
02:26for fiscal year 2010.
02:29A four percent increase over the Bush administration's last military appropriation.
02:32Or, to put that another way...
02:35The defense secretary takes an axe to some key Pentagon programs.
02:38Drastic cuts in the military budget.
02:40Steep budget cuts.
02:41The Pentagon pushing forward, cutting costs, and ditching weapons.
02:44Huge slashes to the Pentagon's budget.
02:50On what planet is a four percent spending increase a huge cut?
02:55I guess people are upset with the change in military priorities.
02:58Apparently Gates wants to redirect money away from expensive and less necessary technologies
03:03like ballistic missile defense systems, F-22 fighter jets,
03:07next-generation destroyers,
03:09and these $6 billion over-budget presidential helicopters
03:13that can evidently only be flown while drunk.
03:19Hey, you said build a presidential helicopter.
03:22You did not say it had to fly straight.
03:23Well, at least they're not getting rid of multiple-kill vehicles
03:29and the second airborne laser prototype aircraft.
03:32We will terminate the multiple-kill vehicle.
03:34We will cancel the second airborne laser prototype aircraft.
03:38No!
03:41Not the laser plane!
03:43You're cutting the laser plane?
03:45That's my favorite ridiculously expensive yet comical-looking plane!
03:49Give me one good reason why we're losing that!
03:55The A.B.L. program has significant affordability and technology problems,
03:59and the program's proposed operational role is highly questionable.
04:04Let me translate that with my military-industrial complex to English dictionary.
04:11Hmm, let's see.
04:12Affordability, technology problems.
04:14Ah, ah!
04:15It's an expensive, useless piece of s***.
04:17See, also, chrome-plated flying laser turd.
04:25I guess you'd have to be a total jackass to be upset about them losing laser plane.
04:29Secretary Gates is specifically recommending the termination of a program of development
04:36called the Airborne Laser.
04:38This is a really important program we're developing which gives us the unique capacity
04:43to hit a missile in its boost phase before it even gets into its normal arc.
04:51Please don't take away my laser plane.
04:57Please.
04:58It's, it's, it's, it's all I have learned.
05:05My laser plane.
05:08Yeah.
05:09Laser, rosy, rosy, rosy, rosy.
05:13Oh, laser plane.
05:15Actually, some senators and congresspeople are already pushing back at the proposed military
05:21budget changes because they bring jobs to the states that build them.
05:24The F-22 jet alone is made from pieces produced in 46 different states.
05:30You know, I, I'm not an engineer, but maybe if you built it in one place,
05:34it wouldn't be so expensive.
05:37I mean, if the shipping costs on Amazon are any indication, but Gates is a military man.
05:44Surely he has a plan to fight off congressional opposition.
05:47My hope is that, um, that as we have tried to do here in this building, um, that the members
05:55of Congress will, uh, rise above parochial interests and consider what is in the best interest
06:01of the nation as a whole.
06:02You are adorable.
06:04The best interest of the nation as a whole.
06:07Get me a spoon.
06:08I want to eat him up.
06:12Oh.
06:13Our senior military analyst, Wyatt Snack, joins us from the Pentagon.
06:16Wyatt, what's the mood been among defense contractors that you've spoken to?
06:20Well, it's a tough day, John.
06:23I mean, they're shutting down the dream factory.
06:25What?
06:26It seems like Gates isn't suggesting cutting the military budget.
06:29He's just shifting some priorities around.
06:32Exactly.
06:32He's shifting money towards things like personnel, health care, and unmanned drones, and away
06:37from things that, to use a military term, is RFC.
06:41RFC?
06:42Really f***ing cool.
06:45Take the F-22.
06:46It's a modern marvel, John.
06:48Highly maneuverable.
06:49Can hover in place, detect and kill enemy more than 200 miles away, max speed, Mach 1.82.
06:55But it can get over to with dual after-burning Pratt & Whitney turbofans, one-to-one thrust weight ratio.
07:05There's a lot of s*** there, man.
07:10And it...
07:11I hear you.
07:12I hear you.
07:13It's a lot of stuff.
07:14It took 25 years to develop, and now it can take on whatever Brezhnev throws at us.
07:19It's that good.
07:21Right.
07:21That's the point of the Brezhnev.
07:22That's the Cold War.
07:23The F-22 is a jet-to-jet fighter.
07:25Afghanistan and Iraq, they don't even have an air force.
07:28Did you see the footage?
07:29It's a cool-ass plane.
07:32And what about Project DVD?
07:34And that stands for?
07:36DVD, John.
07:37It's a multi-billion dollar program where they rent movies, watch them, and then try to replicate the technology they see in them.
07:46It's hard about that.
07:47Like, right now, they are hard at work on an Iron Man and a functioning hotel for dogs.
07:57Why would they need either of those?
08:00Well, the hotel for dogs is self-evident.
08:03A lot of army guys have pets.
08:05And we need the Iron Man to kill the dragon.
08:07Dragon?
08:08What dragon?
08:09The one from the Marines ad where the guy fights the dragon.
08:15But why?
08:17The dragon is not real.
08:19Not yet.
08:20But for $27 billion, they've managed to engineer some pretty pissed-off salamanders.
08:25All right.
08:25Well, Wyatt, isn't this adjustment long overdue?
08:27I mean, how is it that our trip to Iraq, they've got to look through scrap metal for armor,
08:31and we're spending billions of dollars on things that they're not even, uh...
08:34John, John, John, I have to stop you right there.
08:37Why is that?
08:37Why?
08:37The building, it's being evacuated, and the salamanders are loose.
08:41Oh, God, the salamanders are loose.
08:44I can see them.
08:45Oh, God.
08:46John, tell Asif's wife that I love her!
08:50John!
08:51Thank you, Wyatt.
08:52John, the salamanders!
08:54We're letting you set up a white snack, everybody.
08:55Welcome back to the program.
09:01Now, you may remember on Monday, uh, I believe it was on Monday, we mentioned that the Iowa
09:05Supreme Court ruled that banning gay marriage was not constitutional.
09:10But, before the Iowa Chamber of Commerce could even print their new tourism brochures...
09:22Sometimes an ear of corn is just an ear of corn.
09:30Earth-shattering news from the Northeast.
09:35Today, Vermont's the fourth state to legalize same-sex marriage.
09:38Lawmakers voting to override the governor's veto of their same-sex marriage bill.
09:42Great news for same-sex couples in Vermont!
09:46And it's already being celebrated with its own ice cream flavor.
09:52That's right, gay marriage opponents, it's Ben and Jerry, not Gwen and Jerry.
10:04But, of course, Vermont, a state made up almost entirely of natural fibers and beard hair, wouldn't
10:14be satisfied just following in the footsteps of Massachusetts, Connecticut, and Iowa.
10:19Vermont, making a little history of its own, really, it's the first state to legalize
10:23same-sex marriage with a vote in the legislature instead of a court ruling.
10:27Damn those activist elected representatives not thwarting the will of the people!
10:32By the way, you know this development's really gonna scramble the weekly gay marriage-friendly
10:37state rankings.
10:38That's right!
10:39Vermont back on top, baby!
10:41Number one in the Gay Peek and PewDiePowl!
10:44Yeah.
10:45There's, uh, only four states in the rankings.
10:49But that means they've got four fiftieths of America!
10:52Wake up, straight people!
10:54But before we go, I'd like to remind our audience that even within the real ramifications to the
10:59human condition that these gay marriage decisions have, there is still room to giggle inappropriately
11:06at an expert's name.
11:08I don't think the gay rights folks are gonna win this issue quickly or easily.
11:11But they're gradually winning.
11:12Dr. Laycock is right.
11:13Can you imagine the conversation on ABC News?
11:18You know, I've got two experts on the gay marriage issue.
11:19I've got a Dr. Laycock.
11:20Stop right there!
11:21All right, I'll tell Professor Sodomy J. Balltickle his services will no longer be needed.
11:25Welcome back.
11:26Welcome back.
11:27My guest tonight.
11:28The Speaker of the House of Representatives.
11:29The Speaker of the House of Representatives.
11:30Your bestselling book, Know Your Power.
11:31A Message to America's Daughters.
11:32Is now out in Paperboy.
11:33Please welcome back.
11:34Please welcome back to the program.
11:35House Speaker Nancy Pelosi.
11:36Dr.
11:37Nancy Pelosi.
11:38Nancy Pelosi.
11:39Nice to see you, Madam Speaker.
11:40Speaker.
11:41Nice to see you, Madam Speaker.
11:42Speaker.
11:43All right.
11:44All right, I'll tell Professor Sodomy J. Balltickle his services will no longer be
11:46needed.
11:48Welcome back.
11:49Welcome back.
11:50My guest tonight.
11:51The Speaker of the House of Representatives.
11:52Your bestselling book, Know Your Power.
11:53A Message to America's Daughters.
11:54Is now out in Paperback.
11:55Please welcome back to the program, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi.
11:56Nice to see you, Madam Speaker.
11:57Please.
11:58Thank you for joining us.
11:59My pleasure.
12:00It is Madam Speaker.
12:01Nancy Pelosi.
12:02Nancy Pelosi.
12:03Nancy Pelosi.
12:04Nice to see you, Madam Speaker.
12:05Please.
12:06Thank you for joining us.
12:07My pleasure.
12:08It is Madam Speaker.
12:09Nancy.
12:10Nancy.
12:11Nancy or Madam Speaker.
12:12I just want to tell you, I say Madam Speaker, but that's the same way I referred
12:25to Denny Hester.
12:26So don't worry.
12:27It's not just to you.
12:28The book is Know Your Power.
12:31It's out in paperback now and the kids can buy it now.
12:34I assume there is a discount for the paperback.
12:37There you go.
12:38Yes, indeed.
12:39Let me ask you a question.
12:40How do I, Jon Stewart, get in on some of this delicious tarp money?
12:47How badly in my own life do I have to screw up before you could give me, say, not a billion,
12:56five hundred million?
12:58That is being a question that's being asked all across America.
13:01This is what I'm saying.
13:02There you are.
13:03Were you in on the discussions of how this tarp money is allocated, of the rules in which
13:09people are using it?
13:10How do they come to that?
13:11That is a Treasury Department decision and it's what's in the best interest of the economy,
13:17they tell us.
13:18But every time you open the paper you see that the systemic risk of one industry or another
13:24has now risen to that level.
13:26It seems insane.
13:27We need some answers.
13:28You're absolutely right.
13:29When these guys come and talk to you, I assume they come and let's say Secretary Geithner comes
13:34in and he says, here's why we have to do it this way.
13:38Does it make sense to you when he's saying it there?
13:41Because it hasn't made sense yet to the general public.
13:44Well, it makes sense in the larger sense, which is this is the interest, in the interest
13:49of turning around the economy and addressing the systemic risk that these, if one of these
13:55industries should go down.
13:58But I think that some criteria would be interesting for the public to see because I have newspapers
14:03coming to me and saying, can we get in on the tarp?
14:06I think everybody would like to get in on the tarp.
14:09Well, everybody's having a bad time on it.
14:10The crazy thing is, it seems like they've given this $700 billion and then there's going
14:14to be another, and no one quite knows what they're doing with it.
14:17They've handed it over to AIG, or that was different from even tarp.
14:21They handed it to other companies.
14:23Apparently AIG gave some to Goldman Sachs, which also gave, but they won't tell us who they
14:27gave it to or why they gave it.
14:29Do they have a, I guess on my computer I have a Excel.
14:34It's like a spreadsheet.
14:36Do they have like a spreadsheet program where they could maybe, they could print it out,
14:41or is this stuff they're going old school like, believe me, I got it.
14:45Don't worry about it.
14:46It's in my head.
14:47I think we should ask them to put it on the internet, just as they've done with the recovery
14:52package and with the budget and the rest.
14:55But in our recovery package, we put new standards of accountability and transparency, which we
15:01hope will now apply.
15:02Now your recovery package is different from the tarp bailout, which is different from the
15:06budget?
15:07All three are different.
15:08The tarp bailout was something that happened in the Bush administration.
15:11The recovery package was an initiative passed one week and one day in the House after the
15:16president stood on the steps of the Capitol and said, I want swift, bold action to take
15:21the country in a new direction.
15:23You know the rest of the speech, I'm sure.
15:25Right.
15:26I really don't know the rest of the speech.
15:27But I believe, no, no, no.
15:28Don't know the rest of the speech.
15:29No, no, no.
15:30We will harness the sun and the moon and the soil to fuel our cars and run our factories.
15:34You know the rest.
15:35But in any event, that is our investments for the future to create jobs to grow our economy.
15:43The budget is a blueprint for the future.
15:46It's where we go from here.
15:48From the bailout?
15:49Well, from the recovery package.
15:51Have we thought of just doing this?
15:53And again, I'm not an economist.
15:55No.
15:56Can we just print money?
15:57Oh, they do.
15:58But I mean literally just...
15:59No, the Fed does.
16:00They just keep printing it.
16:02That's one of the issues that we have with the Fed.
16:05We keep saying, when they gave the money to the AIG, we said, we didn't know you had
16:09$80 million.
16:10They said, we have $80 billion.
16:13We have $800 billion.
16:14Because it's not based on gold anymore.
16:16We can really do what we want.
16:19No one has to know.
16:20Stop right there.
16:22Who's going to be mad?
16:23The Chinese?
16:24Look, they already have us.
16:26I was talking to a guy...
16:27I think you are an economist.
16:29Orzak said...
16:30He was on the show.
16:31I said, so if we wanted to call somebody...
16:32You know, we have this...
16:33I don't know.
16:34The projection is $15 trillion debt.
16:36I said, if we want to call somebody and renegotiate the terms of that, who would we call?
16:41And he's like, I guess the Chinese maybe?
16:44And you're like, wow, they're our bank.
16:46Is that what it is?
16:48Well, they do hold a substantial amount of our Treasury notes.
16:51No question about that.
16:53But I don't think they're up for negotiating the terms of that.
16:56Are we broke?
16:59We were broke, but we're coming back.
17:03Barack Obama's president, the investments that we've made in job creation, education,
17:08health care, the energy...
17:10And this earmark thing.
17:11Now, you and Obama are going to be on a collision course.
17:13Earmarks, he said, no more business as usual.
17:15The earmarks are going to go.
17:17This new program you guys have, a new budget, will it have earmarks in it?
17:21Well, the budget doesn't have earmarks in it.
17:23But we're not a coalition course.
17:24In the House, we're pretty much in sync with what the president wants.
17:28So no earmarks?
17:29Well, fewer... I'd be for no earmarks.
17:31But fewer earmarks, more transparency.
17:34For example, if you wanted an earmark...
17:37I would like an earmark.
17:38If you're a member of commerce...
17:39Well, wait a minute.
17:40You wanted tarp funds.
17:41What's this coming to?
17:42Tarp funds, earmarks?
17:43I would like all of it.
17:44I would like...
17:45Here's what I need...
17:46And you want to balance the budget, I bet.
17:47I need tarp funds because the bridge I'm building with my earmark is now broke.
17:51So I need a bailout for the unnecessary project that I used millions of dollars for.
17:57In order for you to orderly budget for the future.
17:59That's exactly right.
18:00There we go.
18:01So that I can build that bridge to the 23rd century, which hasn't been done yet.
18:05You want to skip a century?
18:06How are they going to do that?
18:08How are they going to get Congress?
18:10Because districts love it.
18:11They love the earmark.
18:12How do you get out of that?
18:14Well, first let me say this.
18:16In the bill, the preponderance of the earmarks are presidential earmarks.
18:22And then there are some legislative earmarks, what we call legislative directed investments.
18:28And they...
18:29That would be the pork.
18:30That would be the famous pork that we talk of.
18:32Well, one person's pork is another person's...
18:36You're talking to a Jew.
18:37Sure.
18:38Absolutely.
18:41Right here.
18:42Sure, the pork is...
18:43Please, please, it's Passover.
18:45Please.
18:46Can I tell you something sad?
18:47You know what I had this morning?
18:48Bacon.
18:49Bacon and egg crissandwich.
18:50That's my Passover.
18:53Ah, secular progressives.
18:54What are you going to do?
18:55There we go.
18:56What are you going to do?
18:57I've heard about your type.
18:58Oh, it's awful.
18:59So, you don't feel like, because you have such a good majority in the House, you don't
19:04feel like the Pelosi, Reid, Obama trifecta will run roughshod over Americans' liberties
19:10and bankrupt our nation, enslaving our children to a history of debt and thus bringing a tyrannical
19:17fascist rule to the people.
19:19That's a reaction.
19:20In your mind, that's not what you're discussing privately.
19:23No, it isn't.
19:24What we're discussing privately and publicly is a budget which is a blueprint for the future,
19:32which creates jobs, which educates our children, which provides health care for all Americans,
19:36which takes our deficit down, which gives a tax cut for 95% of the American people.
19:42It sounds incredibly realistic.
19:44Well, let me tell you this.
19:45No, it is.
19:46Think of this.
19:47All right.
19:48Think of this.
19:49All right.
19:50In the three months, we just observed on April 6th, the three months of this Congress
19:55and like two and a half months of this presidency of Barack Obama.
19:59In that period of time, we have done more in the legislation that we just mentioned, which
20:03I won't go on over again, unless you insist.
20:05No, no, think about it.
20:06We've done more for education than has been on any comparable time in history, more for health
20:11care than has been done in decades, more in terms of energy than has ever been done,
20:16pioneering breakthrough legislation.
20:19Well, listen, I hope it pays off.
20:21I'd be delighted.
20:22You better watch yourself.
20:23The favorability ratings of Congress may go above 40%.
20:26We're 40.
20:27We're 40.
20:28You keep going this way.
20:29But Know Your Power is on the bookshelves now.
20:31Thank you so much for joining us again.
20:32For more women.
20:33More women.
20:34More women in the Congress.
20:35Speaker Nancy Pelosi.
20:36Oh, that is our show.
20:41Join us tomorrow night at 11.
20:44Here it is.
20:45Your moment is in.
20:46I gave you some examples, but maybe you're not hearing because you keep talking and you
20:50might endorse them.
20:51What are you asking for?
20:52Now.
20:53With your protest.
20:54Stop.
20:55Stop.
20:56All right.
21:00All right.
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