00:00Here's what you'll never stand about the walnuts, you goddamn fool.
00:05Show everybody what you got them with your tiny little bank account.
00:15That's a Renaissance painting.
00:17Let's go for about $40 million.
00:19And this?
00:20The only one of its kind.
00:22The Ocean Hearts diamond necklace.
00:24Where?
00:25$100 million.
00:27This might sound crazy, but I would make it worth your while.
00:32Would you want to get married?
00:37Married.
00:39You really bring new meaning to moving fast on the first day.
00:42Oh?
00:43Is this a date?
00:45It is a Friday night.
00:46It's a really nice place and you look fantastic.
00:52This is the best date I've had in ages.
00:55Okay.
00:56Since it's a date, I'll get right to the getting to know me phase.
01:00My family's business is struggling.
01:02My father, a very traditional man, has got it in his head that the solution to our problems
01:08is marrying me off to some rich snob.
01:10I'm flattered, but what makes you think I fit the rich man profile?
01:15Doesn't matter.
01:16I don't care how much you make.
01:18I just need to get married to get my parents out of my back while I fix our business.
01:22Contract marriage.
01:24Huh.
01:25That could work too.
01:26I know it's a crazy thing to ask, but I could pay you $10,000.
01:31All you'd have to do is play along and...
01:34That won't be necessary.
01:35I'd marry you for free.
01:42So I suppose my soon-to-be wife should know my name.
01:45I'm Damien.
01:47Irish Solson.
01:49Pleasure to meet you.
01:50Pleasure to meet you.
01:51Hope you don't have any Christmas plans.
01:53Because as my fiance, I need you to come meet my family.
01:56Looking forward to it.
02:05Mr. Damien, Merry Christmas.
02:06Merry Christmas.
02:07These are the Christmas gifts that you got for the Ulfstons.
02:10They're worth hundreds of millions, so please let me securely deliver them to them.
02:14No need.
02:15I'll deliver them myself.
02:17But this is a company SUV.
02:19I'm a little confused.
02:21You're the Ulfstons' honored guests, and they didn't get you a car?
02:24Do they realize who you are?
02:26I haven't met the family or told them who I am yet.
02:29That's how I want it.
02:30I want them to know me for me, rather than my money.
02:33All right.
02:34Whatever you say, sir.
02:36Who brought these Christmas gifts?
02:38They're from Damien.
02:39It's just a few gifts I got for the family.
02:41We can open them up during dinner.
02:43I really don't want to upset Dad during dinner, so I better check them out to make sure they're not too cheap or offensive.
02:47I know.
02:48Hey, tough guy.
02:49What, are you embarrassed about your Christmas gifts?
02:52What is this fuss about, huh?
02:55Grandpa.
02:57This is my husband, Damien.
02:59The one I told you about.
03:01Merry Christmas, Grandpa.
03:02Good, good.
03:04Not too tall, but handsome.
03:06You two make a lovely couple.
03:09Hey, Dad, what are you doing?
03:11Shouldn't you be resting?
03:12I couldn't wait to see my precious granddaughter.
03:15Is that a problem?
03:17Grandpa?
03:18Everyone?
03:19Dinner's ready.
03:20Can I help you, little girl?
03:22I'm here to get some cash from my uncle.
03:37My dad said it's fake, but my uncle Damien said it's real, and he's a nice guy.
03:56Can you help me cash it?
03:58Fifty thousand dollars?
04:00I think your uncle's playing a trick on you.
04:05I'm sorry.
04:07I didn't know.
04:08This is authentic.
04:09I'll get your cash now.
04:14Iris, where can I find a chair?
04:16Oh, you want a seat at our table when nobody wants you here?
04:20He's Iris' husband.
04:23Why don't you?
04:24Grandpa, we didn't even know Iris was married.
04:27It was random.
04:28Aren't you a little concerned that he could be coming for our family's wealth?
04:31Damien isn't like that.
04:32Iris, we're just looking out for you, okay?
04:35I mean, seriously, a guy like this, marrying the CEO of the Olsen Group?
04:40If he's not after our money, why else would he be here?
04:45That's enough.
04:46It's Christmas dinner.
04:49Everyone, be respectful.
04:51Damien, I got you a present.
05:04I think someone confused me for the dog.
05:07Good one, sis.
05:10Iris, your husband's just been begging like a pathetic dog for our family fortune.
05:16We're gonna treat him like one.
05:17Amanda, is this some kind of a joke?
05:18Actually, I'm not hungry, anyway.
05:21Oh, you won't eat the food we give you.
05:23You ungrateful little gold digger.
05:27I'm confused.
05:28Okay, Grandpa, let me explain to you what everyone's thinking here.
05:32Damien doesn't deserve Iris.
05:34Not even a little.
05:36He tried to scam my daughter with a fake check.
05:37He's a terrible role model and a liar!
05:42Merry Christmas!
05:46The check was real, Dad!
05:51Leslie, where did you get all this?
05:56It's real.
05:58I took Uncle Damien's check to the bank and they cashed it.
06:02Thank you, Uncle Damien.
06:07Leslie, go back to the kids' table.
06:08I'm rich.
06:09The check was legit.
06:12That was 50 grand.
06:13That's more than Damien makes in a whole year.
06:15How'd you come up with this kind of cash?
06:16Damien, what's going on?
06:18Did we just assume he was poor?
06:19He did.
06:23But, you know what they say about assumptions.
06:25They make an ass out of you and me.
06:28This cannot be real.
06:30Oh, God, please tell me you didn't drain your measly life savings to impress us.
06:34Of course that's what he did.
06:36What a fragile ego.
06:37Draining your entire life savings just to impress a child?
06:41Ridiculous.
06:42It's shameful.
06:44Take it.
06:45You obviously need it more than many of us.
06:49Iris, I can't believe you married such a pathetic man.
06:53It's sad.
06:54Damien, you don't have to do this.
06:55It's not worth going broke to impress me or my family.
06:59Iris, I'm not broke.
07:02And I don't need your money.
07:04And this is nothing compared to the gifts that I bought for your family.
07:09You'll see.
07:10I'm sorry, gifts?
07:13Gifts.
07:16Let's see them.
07:18Come on, Dad.
07:19He's just a poor salesman.
07:21I'm sure they're just trash.
07:23You want to see real Christmas gifts?
07:26Let's open Amanda's.
07:28She's a top executive that's consulted with Harvey Lambert's defense company.
07:33She's rich.
07:36And she gives good gifts.
07:38Hey, what about me?
07:39I've done deals with Mr. Lambert.
07:41I should get the credit.
07:42I've been keeping this family afloat.
07:44If it wasn't for me, Iris would have banked her up this company years ago.
07:49Excuse me?
07:50The company was already in rough shape when I took over.
07:53If anything, I was the one who turned it around.
07:56The company is still failing.
07:59Iris, we can't just sit by and watch you run the Olsen Company into bankruptcy.
08:05And what exactly do you want me to do?
08:06Divorce this loser and marry Marcus.
08:09He has the funds we need.
08:11Marcus is a huge success.
08:12Go be with him.
08:15Or stick with this deadbeat and you'll be clipping supermarket coupons in no time at all.
08:20Is working with Harvey Lambert such a big deal to all of you?
08:23A big deal?
08:25Harvey Lambert runs a corporation worth billions.
08:28Something that you probably can't comprehend.
08:30Harvey Lambert's company is a subsidiary to a much larger corporation.
08:33I would know.
08:36Harvey's an employee.
08:38This pathetic guy thinks he knows about business.
08:43Harvey Lambert works for no one.
08:46No, Iris, your husband is delusional.
08:49Damien, if you think you know the first thing about a good CEO like Harvey Lambert,
08:54you need to get your head examined.
08:57Listen, I don't want to ruin Christmas over a petty fight, so...
09:01I'll call Harvey and we'll clear this right up.
09:07I told you I'd come back and I come bearing gifts.
09:11Merry Christmas, Grandpa.
09:14I'm Marcus, Iris' close friend.
09:18Oh, Marcus.
09:19I thought you had a meeting with Mr. Lambert, but you have time for us?
09:23It went great.
09:24We're officially partnering.
09:26There's much to do, but I just couldn't keep a harvest out of my head.
09:30So I had to rush right back here.
09:32Marcus, you are so impressive.
09:34I wish you were my cousin-in-law instead of this loser.
09:38Be patient.
09:39That can be arranged.
09:41Oh, Marcus.
09:43Show the bottom feeder Damien what a real gift looks like.
09:54Iris.
09:56I don't want anything from you.
10:04A five-star golf club membership?
10:07This must be worth $30,000.
10:11Thanks, Marcus.
10:12A 49-year-old whiskey?
10:17That's $50,000 right there.
10:21Iris.
10:23Check this out.
10:25It was worn at last year's Met Gala.
10:28Oh, my goodness.
10:30It's got to be worth $100,000.
10:31A hundred grand?
10:32Mr. Lambert's having a banquet in a few days.
10:35I was hoping I would wear it and be my date.
10:39Marcus, this is too much.
10:42You should return it and ask for a refund.
10:44Iris, are you serious?
10:45This would look amazing on you.
10:47You would be the talk of the town.
10:48I know, Damien, it must be hard to know that you couldn't ever compare to Marcus, but you'll get over it.
10:57No, I just find it amusing that you're all so floored by what Marcus considers to be nice gifts.
11:07Okay, Damien, shut up.
11:09You're just jealous.
11:10You will never be able to afford amazing and expensive gifts like these.
11:14Marcus, don't even listen to him.
11:17He's such a leech.
11:19Iris will come to her senses and then she'll divorce him soon.
11:24And then she's all yours, you charmer.
11:30Oh, Damien.
11:35Here's what you'll never stand about the Waltons, you goddamn fool.
11:40We value sophistication, class, luxury.
11:44But if you don't think that my gifts are worthy enough, then enlighten us.
11:50Show everybody what you got then with your tiny little bank account.
11:57Oh, Damien's gifts are probably from the dollar discount bin, I'm sure.
12:00No, no, that's too generous.
12:03More like the free donation bin.
12:05Not exactly.
12:07See for yourselves.
12:09You're just setting yourself up for embarrassment.
12:11What happens if it turns out that your gifts are worth less?
12:14Then you'll apologize to Marcus and divorce Iris.
12:18Mom!
12:19I think that's a great idea.
12:21I'll take that bet.
12:23And when my gifts are more valuable than yours, you'll apologize to Iris and I.
12:28Tom, I hear you like fishing on the open seas.
12:49Well, now you can.
12:50From your own personal yacht.
12:51That's a Lazara.
12:52Entry-level boat is ten million.
12:54Anna, my beautiful mother-in-law.
12:55Hey, I hear you like collecting art.
12:56That's a Renaissance painting.
12:57Those go for about forty million.
12:58And this, the only one of its kind.
13:00It's a Lazara!
13:02The entry-level boat is ten million!
13:04Anna, my beautiful mother-in-law.
13:06I hear you like collecting art.
13:09That's a Renaissance painting.
13:21Those go for about forty million.
13:23And this. The only one of its kind. The Ocean Hearts Diamond Necklace. Worth 100 million dollars.
13:46Okay, how, how is this possible?
13:53You had a deal. Right, Marcus? So apologize to my husband.
13:58Wasn't writing. Damien was telling the truth.
14:01He's rich. Oh, Iris, you chose so well. We were so rude to your husband and we didn't mean it.
14:10Dammit, Marcus made us do it.
14:12Wait a second. Wait a second. Damien, Damien, Damien.
14:17You almost fooled me.
14:21Marcus, what are you talking about?
14:24Think about it.
14:26How does a broke idiot like this afford any of this?
14:30There's only one logical answer.
14:33They're cheap knock-ups. They're fake.
14:36You're right. I knew it.
14:41Come on, Iris. Let's stick with the plan for the family.
14:45Divorce Damien and marry Marcus.
14:48Are you sure you all want to take that risk?
14:52Are you absolutely positive these are cheap fakes just because some middle manager says so?
14:59I believe Damien. Sure, it seems far-fetched for a salesman to afford such expensive gifts.
15:06But we don't know much about him.
15:08What's there to know?
15:10Do you seriously think that this random loser is a secret billionaire?
15:18I don't think so.
15:20Grandpa Harold, you're a smart man. You've seen luxuries. You're well-traveled.
15:25What's your expert opinion? Are my gifts cheap fakes?
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