- 2 days ago
QI - Season 23 Episode 10 -
'W' Animals
'W' Animals
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00Good evening and welcome to Q&A.
00:29Tonight we're taking a walk on the wild side in a show all about animals starting with W.
00:34Let's meet our pride of panellists.
00:36Wiley as a wolf, it's Nabil Abdul Rashid.
00:43Whip smart as a whippet, it's Sam Campbell.
00:49Grass as a wrasse, it's Holly Walsh.
00:55And the blue whale is his white whale, it's Alan Davis.
00:59Let's hear their whinnies.
01:06Holly goes.
01:08Ooh, Sam goes.
01:12Nabil goes.
01:15Alan goes.
01:17Now let's open this cat of worms with question one.
01:29How many legs does a walrus have?
01:32Four.
01:32What are they, hands then?
01:39Are they hands it has?
01:40Well, no.
01:41So they are legs.
01:42So it does have four, but it has more than that.
01:45Perhaps the walrus has different stages.
01:47So when it's in its larvae stage, it would have no legs.
01:49And then as it grows, it would sort of, yeah, sort of, it ends up with one.
01:55Okay, so the definition of leg is each of the organs of support and locomotion in an animal body, okay?
02:06Support and locomotion.
02:08Support and locomotion.
02:09Well, it goes mainly about on its tummy, doesn't it?
02:12And how does it pull itself forward on the ice when it's on its stomach?
02:15With its hands.
02:16Tusks.
02:17It uses its tusks.
02:18Uses its tusks?
02:19Yes, as well as the four flippers, so we count those as legs.
02:22No, don't count those as legs.
02:25Do the two tusks count as one leg?
02:27So, no, they count as two legs, and so it's got four flippers, so in total it's got six legs.
02:32Doesn't that technically make you an insect?
02:42It's an insect.
02:43Like a fly.
02:44Stay woke, people.
02:45They're lying to us.
02:46The BBC is rife with corruption.
02:51The revolution is being televised, but may be edited.
02:57What's their favourite food?
02:58Any thoughts?
03:00Just for a bonus point, we'd like to say that the walruses have a very pungent odour.
03:06Okay, did you want to say it together, or...
03:08One, two, three.
03:12Walruses...
03:12Hey, stink!
03:13Oh, okay.
03:14I think that's probably too.
03:18They are essentially, if you look at that mouth, they can eat three to six thousand clams in a single sitting.
03:24Clams?
03:25Clams, yes.
03:25They like vongole.
03:26They love clams.
03:27If you took a walrus out, it cost you about 1,500 quid at a London fish shop.
03:31That's the cost of it.
03:32But do they gather them all up, then?
03:33Well, what they can do, which is amazing, is they can clamp their lips around the clam shell, and then they pull their tongue backwards into the mouth so fast that it's this incredibly powerful sucking force.
03:43It opens the clam and sends the clams flying, and then they spit the clams shell out.
03:47Do you know, that's like me when I eat edamame.
03:49I eat them like they've wronged my family.
03:56What walruses can do is that when they're in captivity, they can actually suck holes in wooden planks because they have this incredible sucking force.
04:03So they can suck a glory hole?
04:05I mean, I don't think that's what they advertise them as in the zoo.
04:11The moustaches so they can be more incognito because they've gone around sucking on all these glory holes, Andy.
04:16Maybe that's it.
04:17Now, I've got something which is walrus related.
04:20I'm going to have to wear gloves in order to show it to you.
04:23What do you think I might be showing you?
04:26Is it a bit of a walrus?
04:27It's a bit of a walrus, yes.
04:28It's an astonishing bit.
04:29Is it a tusk?
04:30Balls!
04:31Sorry.
04:32Weirdly, Nabil, you are closer.
04:35OK.
04:36A penis!
04:37Well...
04:38So...
04:39So you two both get a point because male walruses have a penis bone or a baculum and this is such a thing.
04:50Wow, it looks like a rounder's bat.
04:52It's...
04:53Well, they have been used as clubs in the past.
04:55This has been lent to us by the Grant Museum.
04:57I thought you were going to say it was lent to you by a walrus.
05:00I want it back.
05:01Yeah.
05:02I want it back.
05:03Yeah.
05:04The Grant Museum at UCL.
05:05Credits since 1828.
05:06Do go and have a look.
05:07It's the most fantastic museum.
05:09Anyway, they've lent us this.
05:10So why might...
05:11They lent you a boner?
05:12Yes.
05:13Why might they want to have a bone inside that's like...
05:16Is it counts as another leg?
05:17LAUGHTER
05:18Is it a rudder?
05:19Is it a rudder?
05:20No.
05:21No, it means they can start mating without waiting for an erection.
05:22Well, that badgers are the same.
05:23And I don't know that from personal experience.
05:24LAUGHTER
05:25Why doesn't everyone have that?
05:26Who said everyone doesn't?
05:27LAUGHTER
05:28It's an absolute monster.
05:29It's...
05:30It is big, isn't it?
05:31And I say that with no experience whatsoever.
05:32LAUGHTER
05:33I can tell by the way you're holding it.
05:34LAUGHTER
05:35I can tell by the way you're holding it.
05:36LAUGHTER
05:37I can tell by the way you're holding it.
05:38LAUGHTER
05:39I can tell by the way you're holding it.
05:40LAUGHTER
05:41I can tell by the way you're holding it.
05:42LAUGHTER
05:43LAUGHTER
05:44It's an absolute monster.
05:45It's...
05:46It is big, isn't it?
05:47And I say that with no experience whatsoever.
05:48LAUGHTER
05:49I can tell by the way you're holding it.
05:50LAUGHTER
05:51LAUGHTER
05:52LAUGHTER
05:53LAUGHTER
05:54LAUGHTER
05:59LAUGHTER
06:00LAUGHTER
06:01LAUGHTER
06:02I'm going to pop this away because it's rather precious.
06:03Female walruses also have a clitoris bone
06:05have a clitoris bone which is called a bobellum but it's tiny these are different ages of
06:11clitoris bone which are strictly speaking called clitorides
06:15and they're much much smaller half a pound of clitorides please
06:21does it sound like you're going on holiday after we're going to the clitorides
06:25it's all inclusive
06:28so bats have them rodents have them cats dogs we don't know why some have them and some don't
06:33they're gorgeous they are gorgeous darling and here is the thing is that i wanted to show you
06:39the baculum the male penis and i wanted to show you the borbellum and we looked for one to show you
06:43today but none of our elves could find one but if you think how do they attract each other
06:58male walruses they clap and they wolf whistle to attract females so they use whistling above
07:04ground what do you think they do underwater farty bubbles
07:11i can't even look at you after i've said farty bubbles
07:15you're not far off really they do create air bubbles but they do it by clapping their flippers
07:19okay it's called cavitation um and they can clap up to 200 decibels that's as loud as a volcanic
07:26explosion so this is not as loud as that but have a quick look
07:32what's he thinking about there
07:35he's right up on the glass isn't he it's like one single fan at a peter andre concert
07:42i don't find that attractive do you not no no
07:45no it's not like this i would be like i'm out and that's why up to now you still haven't found a walrus girl
07:52that's not been your thing why isn't it clitori what did you call it i don't think anybody ever gets
08:00that lucky
08:01i think that's quite a nasty infection now you know how walruses get about but how did walking
08:15catfish get to florida this is a walking catfish anybody know where they first came from so they're
08:22not originally from america africa everything starts in africa that's right right the bill
08:29when the revolution comes we're going to give you a head start
08:35and a stick to defend yourself i know where you can get a penis bone
08:40you'll be sorry did it go by plane yes it did go by plane it did yes they were imported from thailand
08:48to the united states in the early 1960s as aquarium fish but everybody kind of forgot that they can walk
08:54on land and so they were in a truck being transported from one florida fish farm to another and a whole
08:59bunch of them got out and 10 years later they had spread across 20 counties and they are the absolute best
09:06let's have a look at how they move they have specialized gills that let them breathe air okay
09:12we've all got home like that at the end of the night but they wriggle along the ground like a snake
09:18but they have to stay moist so they don't last all that long maybe a couple of days before they need
09:22to get back in the water but these catfish can smell the air with their skin and they will wriggle
09:29away from things like the smell of rotten eggs but they will wriggle towards the smell of pond water
09:35they can smell who's related to them they can smell where their home area is they can smell where
09:39food is when they just know if they're related to someone i don't need to smell my dad he's my dad right
09:47but if you were blindfolded would you still know that it was your father why am i blindfolded
09:54how many men are you presenting me with what kind of sick game is this
09:57you're lining up 10 men and asking me to smell the topic i mean i'm game i'll do it but you
10:07if i was blindfolded i couldn't tell my dad from smelling him but i'd know it was him from how he'd react
10:12to me smelling him was that an early childhood lesson i remember the day i found that my dad was
10:20ambidextrous but that's the story right let's all move on to dry land and talk about wombats okay
10:28here are some facts about wombats first of all carry their babies in pouches they have cube-shaped
10:35poo their teeth never stop growing and they are the largest burrowing mammals in the world so how did
10:44mad wombat boy get his nickname it's a long time ago and i don't want to talk about it those days
10:52were you a small boy darling do i look like i've ever been small
10:56did mad wombat boy did he do cubie poos could you make them into a rubik's
11:07they're cubed partly because they they don't roll away and it's a good way of marking your territory and
11:11they're able to do it by constricting their anus i am so gonna try that when i come home
11:17at wombat boy where are we with wombats he was maybe raised by wombats no he wasn't raised by wombats
11:23he went to boarding school which is similar you have to burrow your way out you do have to so the
11:29burrows the burrows are the key to it oh did he go underground and get lost in the bar you get a
11:34point absolutely he went down into the burrows so we're talking about the 1960s peter pj nicholson
11:40he discovered that there were that's not him is it that's just when he came out the other end yeah
11:47he was at boarding school in victoria australia and there were wombat burrows nearby and so
12:03wombat burrows only about 20 inches wide and so scientists had never been down to see what they
12:07were like and pj was 15 and he was quite slight he sneaked out at night and went down into the wombat
12:14burrows and he memorized the layout and he drew maps when he got back to his room i mean it's
12:18unbelievably dangerous he even found wombats down there that had been trapped in their own
12:24tunnels and he wrote about this in his school magazine and he became known as mad wombat boy a bit
12:29harsh the mad bit isn't it inquisitive wombat boy did he show the trapped ones his map so they could
12:35make it make it out that would have been good wouldn't it how did he know they were trapped
12:40down there uh dead oh is it true that he took a wombat bride
12:50it's been married at first sight australia
12:56but they are the largest burrowing mammal in the world they grow up to about four foot long they weigh about
13:0235 kilos about 10 times heavier i suppose than a newborn baby they're marsupials so what does that
13:06mean they have pouches yes they have pouches but i have to say the wombats are very clever because
13:11they dig right they're burrowing their pouches on the female's face backwards so they don't get
13:17mud in the pouch while they're digging don't you think that's a woman going i'm going to sort this i'm
13:21going to sort this when they stand up everything drops out anyway peter nicholson the school boy now all
13:28grown up his data remained the best information about wombat burrows until the 2024 invention of
13:35the wombot which is that oh finally finally it can crawl through on caterpillar tracks why can't you
13:43get claw gloves what just for yourself just got got a pair of gloves with claws on and strap them on i think
13:54that'd be a big seller i think a lot of people would like to have claws there's a lot of uses
13:58for them but what if you forget you've got them on well you could have an accident if you went to
14:02scratch yourself yeah but i think you'd only do that once yes but can i just remind you that no
14:10boy can keep his hand out of his trousers so okay so i'm going to upset you here alan and
14:16uh the elves are telling me that claw gloves are available on amazon at 7.99
14:20oh
14:20you know what i'm very i suspect that they'll be a child's toy claw glove oh no i've fallen for
14:31this in the past okay i once bought what i thought was a ladder and it turned and it was only 3.99
14:37and it turned out to be for a doll's house
14:42well i for one was very grateful when you passed it on
14:47well you sat out haven't you how do you think i got in this chair
14:53i have a quick question for you what do wombats do with their bottoms to protect against predators
14:58twerk that would be the right answer
15:08not quite but so nearly the right answer that i had to give it to you what's amazing about their
15:13bottoms they consist of four bone plates which are fused together they're covered in a thick layer of
15:18cartilage and skin and fur and so on very few nerve endings and what they've discovered is that there
15:23are crushed animal skulls sometimes near the entrance to the burrow and what they think is that they twerk
15:28as it were with the bottom and squash the predator to death
15:35gives face sitting a new meaning
15:41that is one hell of a way to go
15:48but most famous of course the thing everybody talks about it's the poo the poo is the thing they have all
15:52these other skills they have the most they have the most talented assholes i've ever heard
15:58in australia if you commit a sort of a federal crime you can choose there there's a way to die
16:08should be twerked to death by a wombat yeah or kylie minogue
16:16okay moving along now be prepared for this i have chickens for you please bring on the chickens
16:23this is uh this is jane with chicky menage um and this is carl with hennifer aniston
16:38so what i want you to try and do guys i want you to try and make your chicken blush
16:42okay i can see your privates
16:49mine's coming over because it's eating all it's
16:54this is bringing back my childhood yeah you're trying to make the blush okay how can you tell if
16:59it's blushing oh you really can they turn red as a result of emotion so you would think that was
17:05limited to humans but chickens do it as well i can do that but i need some onions some garlic
17:13i mean i'm like a chicken whisperer
17:17that would have been embarrassing but if you look at this picture this picture is the same chicken the
17:22chicken pale and then the chicken blushing and they flush what do you want more i've got some hang on
17:28some here and look they've got loads here baby don't don't go on my cards
17:35if that's not embarrassing i don't know what is there we go how's that
17:38these are rescue chickens is that right they've been they've been rescued from a life on a bathroom
17:42farm kfc so they they're very content
17:46so they blush by sending blood to their wattles as well as to their cheeks when they're scared
17:58or excited and the redder the chicken the more overwrought they are oh we don't want to make them
18:03them overwrought yeah i know we don't want to at all just a bitwrought
18:08sweetheart do you look out look out predator run run for your life
18:16where's it going it's going down the hill no no no no no no no no no no no no no
18:21Thank you very much
18:40You really can tell in the missus the same chicken you can tell something about their emotion and one of the things
18:45They discovered is that the stressed ones they blush deep red
18:48So the one in this picture on the right has been accused of something I think probably or it could be excited because they blush too
18:53But not quite as much anyway, why might you do this?
18:57Why might you research this and find out what they do? Got a grant
19:07I mean if you're concerned about animal welfare, you might think I don't want the red-faced chicken something's up
19:12Absolutely, right
19:13You just want to check that they're okay, and we could also do this with turkeys
19:17They do a rather similar thing when aroused if I can use that expression
19:21Gorgeous, aren't they?
19:22Aren't they amazing but sometimes they go blue when they're holding their breath
19:28Flushing and poultry is particularly obvious in the wattles that's those hanging flaps of chin skin
19:35But what is a wattle actually for?
19:38marketing conflicts
19:40I'm getting a waffle
19:45You're getting a waffle
19:46Well, it's just you know you get to a certain age
19:48I thought you were saying I'm getting one like you're gonna get them added
19:51Yeah, I'm gonna go to turkey
19:53Get a turkey waffle
19:54Why don't people get cosmetic surgery like that?
19:57Like why doesn't someone just get a really long nose?
19:59Well, I think people do do weird things
20:01Isn't there some guy in japan has made himself look as much like a dog as possible?
20:04There is a guy in australia who got it done and he had his whole body tattooed green and his teeth sharpened
20:09So he looked like a lizard and apparently he regrets it
20:12Really?
20:13He looked in the mirror and his tail just fell off
20:22It must be to attract the opposite sex
20:25That's exactly right
20:26So along with the comb on a rooster the chicken's wattle gets bigger and redder as the animal gets more testosterone
20:32What about in Wallace and Gromit when the penguin puts a glove on its head?
20:36That's one of my favorite things that's ever happened in film
20:40And then everyone thinks it's a chicken
20:41You know i've got a 12 year old friend of mine and i said to her
20:45I said have you been watching any films over christmas?
20:48And she said oh i loved that film about the gay couple
20:50And they were drinking a lot of tea and talking about cheese
20:53And i said are you talking about Wallace and Gromit?
20:58And she said yes
20:59I said what made you think it was a gay couple?
21:01She said oh he keeps going
21:11So now our sign for anybody we think might be gay we all go
21:18Anyway the waffle is very important it kind of literally tells them where they are in the pecking order
21:22If you've got a bigger waffle then you are superior
21:24If you took all of the chickens wattles away nobody would know where they stood
21:28Now it's time to wander into the belly of the beast we call general ignorance fingers on buzzers please
21:34Which animal has the largest testes?
21:38The nigerian male sorry
21:40But in second place some kind of whale okay what kind of whale the blue whale
21:58Never say blue whale never ever say blue whale
22:01So you're thinking of the wrong kind of whale anybody another kind of whale that's the wrong whale
22:05That's the wrong whale and we want the right way the right whale alan gets a point is exactly right
22:22We're talking about the north atlantic right whale they have the largest testes on earth they can weigh up to
22:30500 kilograms
22:32Each
22:34Would it sperm be so big that i
22:36Personally could ride on it
22:40Having larger testes doesn't necessarily mean you have larger sperm
22:44In fact having larger testes makes you more promiscuous
22:47Because what happens is you give a little bit of your sperm to many more partners and that's why you have large test i'm afraid sandy that wasn't my question
22:56Can i ride on one of the sperms of this whale no
22:58But what are the advantages of having such huge balls really
23:07Well i i mean you'd have to ask the tuberous bush cricket okay these are the largest testes in the world for its size
23:15It represents 14 percent of its body mass now can i just say they don't hang out like that okay
23:21They're normally internal these have been taken out and unrolled all right why would you do that to it
23:28So the right whale is only about one percent why is who's that in the photo this man why is he smiling like
23:35Smiling like he just got paid you dirty prick
23:38If one of you boys had testes that size if
23:46It'd be like having the weight of a microwave between your legs that would be yeah it's hard sometimes you know
23:54My testes are actually very small but i've got a lot of them it looks like a sort of a bunch of cramps
23:58Okay
24:02I mean the thing is you say that to me and i think oh maybe some of them come like that what do i
24:07Anyway i can show you this right whales because they've got this very large testes they produce
24:11Four and a half liters of sperm in one go okay um and that
24:19Is that much
24:21Oh wow that's a lot isn't it yeah
24:29American visitors john a wheeler was the first to imagine tunnels through space-time he named them after the holes dug by an animal
24:36Beginning with w and he called them wormholes
24:39So this is him hanging out with other clever theoretical physicists he first wrote about what we now call wormholes in the 1950s
24:52But he called them wood chuck holes so wormhole which is what you came up with that came about later
24:58Anybody know how a wormhole works
25:01In star trek here when they go through it they end up in another place because it lives through the space-time continuum
25:06Yes and they end up in the same galaxy where the cardassians are sometimes the farangu
25:12The farangu don't really get on well with the vulcans a lot of people mistake vulcans for
25:16Cardassians and then there's like this artificially created species called the gem hadar now the gem hadar
25:22They're warriors but like they don't like they're not like the klingons klingons have like a really interesting culture and also
25:28They were only portrayed by ethnic minorities so like they were the first woke aliens right
25:33So what was the question
25:36If you wanted a sense of what going into a black hole is like
25:46Black holes are the best holes
25:55Now how many limbs does a starfish have
25:58I think this is a trap. Yes, it is. I don't think it has any limbs. I think it's not is the correct. Yes
26:07That's
26:14I feel my work with you grasshopper is done
26:18Yeah, so what does it look like looks like a star but it doesn't really look like a star doesn't really look like a fish either
26:24No, how many legs does it
26:26Looked right. How many we got three four five on the okay, so it looks like five legs sticking out from a central torso and actually penises
26:35No, it's all head
26:38So what happened is scientists looked at it and thought well, where's the head?
26:42So they started looking for the head gene and the torso gene and so on and the truth was completely the opposite to what we've all assumed
26:48The head gene was absolutely everywhere. It was even in the tips of the arms the torso was completely missing
26:54The starfish is all head and no
26:57That's just one big face when we were talking about the walrus
27:00We talked about a definition of the leg as an organ of support and locomotion for the animal body
27:05What it does have is how many feet do you think?
27:0810,000
27:09You're very close 15,000 around feet. Wow tiny tube feet which are all over the body
27:15There we go look at that tiny tiny feet, so it's basically all head and lots and lots of feet
27:22But it does have an anus in case anybody was worrying about that the thing in the middle or is that the mouth?
27:28The mouth is at the center of the underside. Yeah, so it shits out of its head
27:32It's the center of the upper side of the body they eat by dropping their stomach out of their mouth
27:38They wrap it around the food they digest it externally and then they pull the whole stomach back into the mouth
27:43And then they put it out the top of their head. Yeah. Wow. I know I know
27:49That's starfish for you all mouth and no trousers now
27:52Let's see who's the biggest smarty pants and take a look at tonight's scores
27:57So our winner tonight. Oh like a duck to water with minus two. It's Alan
28:02In second place still the cat's whiskers with minus nine, Sam
28:19In third place on a wild goose chase with minus nine holly
28:22And last the world might be your oyster, but this one's gone off with minus 28
28:30Nabeel
28:40That's it for this edition of qi thanks to sam nabeel holly and alan and i leave you with this from bob hope
28:47My father told me all about the birds and the bees the liar. I went steady with a woodpecker until I was 21
28:54Thank you and good night
28:56Thank you
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