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00:00Music
00:09Music
00:13Music
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00:23Music
00:25Good evening and welcome to QI, but tonight we're taking a walk on the wild side in a show all about animals starting with W.
00:39Let's meet our pride of panellists. Wiley as a wolf, it's Nabeel Abdul Rashid.
00:47Whip smart as a whippet, it's Sam Campbell.
00:50For us as a wrasse, it's Holly Walsh.
01:00And the blue whale is his white whale, it's Alan Davis.
01:09Let's hear their whinnies. Holly goes.
01:14Sam goes.
01:17Nabeel goes.
01:20Alan goes.
01:24Wee-dee-yung-boo. Wee-dee-yung-boo.
01:27Wee-dee-yung-boo.
01:28Wee-dee-yung-boo.
01:29Wee-dee-yung-boo.
01:31Now, let's open this cat of worms with question one. How many legs does a walrus have?
01:36Four.
01:37CHEERS
01:38What are they, hands then? Are they hands it has?
01:42Well, no, so there are legs so it does have four but it has more than that
01:49Perhaps the walrus it has different stages so when it's in its larvae stage
01:53It would have no legs and it as it grows it would sort of and they yeah sort of it ends up with one
02:04Okay, so the definition of leg is each of the organs of support and locomotion in an animal body, okay
02:11Support and locomotion and locomotion when it goes mainly about on its tummy doesn't it?
02:16And how does it pull itself forward on the ice when it's on its with its hands tusks?
02:22It uses its tusks uses its tusks as well as the four flippers. So we count those as
02:29Do the two tusks count as one leg so no they count as two legs and so it's got four flippers
02:35So in total it's got six legs doesn't that technically making an insect?
02:41Yeah
02:48Like a fly stay woke people they're lying to us
02:53BBC is rife with corruption
02:56The revolution is being televised but maybe edited
03:01What's their favorite food any thoughts
03:05Just for a bonus point we'd like to say that the walrus have a very pungent odor
03:11Okay, did you want to say it together or
03:21I think that's probably too. They are essentially if you look at that mouse they can eat three to six thousand clams in a single sitting
03:29Clams? Clams. Yes. They like vongole. They love clams. If you took a walrus out it cost you about 1500 quid at a London fish shop
03:35That's the cost of it and what they gather them all up then well what they can do which is amazing is they can clamp their lips around the clam shell and then
03:42They pull their tongue backwards into the mouth so fast that it's this incredibly powerful sucking force
03:48It opens the clam and sends the clams flying it and then they spit the clams shell out. Do you know that's like me when I eat edamamee
03:54I eat them like they've wronged my family
04:01What walruses can do is that when they're in captivity they can actually suck holes in wooden planks because they have this incredible sucking force
04:07So they can suck a glory hole
04:13I don't think that's what they advertise them as in the zoo
04:15The mustaches so they can be more incognito because they've gone around sucking on all these quarry holes, Andy
04:21Maybe that's it. Now I've got something which is walrus related. I'm going to have to wear gloves in order to show it to you
04:28What do you think I might be showing you?
04:30Is it a bit of a walrus?
04:32It's a bit of a walrus, yes
04:33It's an astonishing bit
04:34Is it a tusk?
04:35Balls!
04:36That's right
04:37Weirdly, Nabil, you are closer
04:38Okay
04:39A penis
04:40A penis
04:41Well
04:42So
04:43Penis
04:45So you two both get a point because
04:47Male walruses have a penis bone
04:50Or a baculum
04:52And this is such a thing
04:54Wow, it looks like a rounder's bat
04:56It's well
04:57They have been used as clubs in the past
04:59This has been lent to us by the Grant Museum
05:01I thought you were going to say it was lent to you by a walrus
05:05I want it back
05:08The Grant Museum at UCL
05:10Credits since 1828
05:11Do go and have a look
05:12It's the most fantastic museum
05:13Anyway, they've lent us this
05:15So why might
05:16They lent you a boner
05:17Yes
05:18Why might they want to have a bone inside
05:20That's like
05:21Is it counts as another leg?
05:28Is it a rudder?
05:29Is it a rudder?
05:30No
05:31No, it means they can start mating without waiting for an erection
05:34Well that badges are the same
05:36And I don't know that from personal experience
05:41Why doesn't everyone have that?
05:42Who said everyone doesn't?
05:46It's an absolute monster
05:48It is big, isn't it?
05:49And I say that with no experience whatsoever
05:51I can tell by the way you're holding it
05:54I can tell by the way you're holding it
06:06I'm going to put this away because it's rather precious
06:08Female walruses also have a clitoris bone which is called a bobellum
06:11But it's tiny
06:12These are different ages of clitoris bone, which are strictly speaking called clitorides
06:19And they're much much smaller half a pound of clitorides, please
06:27We're going to the clitorides
06:31Inclusive
06:33So bats have them rodents have them cats dogs. We don't know why some have them and some don't they're gorgeous
06:39They are gorgeous darling and here is the thing is that I wanted to show you the baculum the male penis
06:45And I wanted to show you the bulbellum and we looked for one to show you today, but none of our
07:00But if you think how do they attract each other male walruses they clap and they wolf whistle to attract females
07:07So they use whistling above ground. What do you think they do under water party bubbles?
07:21They do create air bubbles, but they do it by clapping their flippers. Okay, it's called cavitation
07:25And they can clap up to 200 decibels. That's as loud as a volcanic explosion. So this is not as loud as that but have a quick look
07:37What's he thinking about there?
07:42It's like one single fan at a peter-andre concert
07:46I don't find that attractive
07:48Do you not?
07:50I
07:52Would be like I'm out and that's why up to now you still haven't found a walrus girl
07:57Not to be in your thing. Why isn't it clitori? What did you call it? I don't think anybody ever gets that lucky
08:08It's quite a nasty infection
08:10Now you know how walruses get about but how did walking catfish get to florida?
08:22This is a walking catfish anybody know where they first came from
08:26So they're not originally from america africa everything starts in africa. That's right
08:31Right
08:34When the revolution comes we're gonna give you a head start
08:40And a stick to defend yourself
08:44I know where you can get a penis bone
08:47Did it go by plane? Yes, it did go by plane. It did? Yes, they were imported from thailand to the united states in the early
08:541960s as aquarium fish
08:56But everybody kind of forgot that they can walk on land
08:59And so they were in a truck being transported from one florida fish farm to another and a whole bunch of them got out
09:06And 10 years later they had spread across 20 counties and they are the absolute best
09:11Let's have a look at how they move they have specialized gills that let them breathe air
09:17Okay, we've all got home like that at the end of the night
09:21But they wriggle along the ground like a snake but they have to stay moist so they don't last all that long
09:26Maybe a couple of days before they need to get back in the water
09:29But these catfish can smell the air with their skin and they will wriggle away from things like the smell of rotten eggs
09:36But they will wriggle towards the smell of pond water
09:39They can smell who's related to them. They can smell where their home area is
09:43They can smell where food is when they just know if they're related to someone. I don't need to smell my dad. He's my dad, right?
09:50But if you were blindfolded would you still know that it was your father? Why am I blindfolded?
09:59How many men are you presenting me with? What kind of sick game is this?
10:05You're lining up 10 men and asking me to smell the topic. I mean, I'm game. I'll do it, but you
10:12If I was blindfolded, I couldn't tell my dad from smelling him, but I'd know it was him from how he'd react to me smelling him
10:20Was that an early childhood lesson? I remember the day I found that my dad was ambidextrous, but that's the story
10:29Right, let's all move on to dry land and talk about wombats. Okay, here are some facts about wombats. First of all carry their babies in pouches
10:37They have cube shaped poo their teeth never stop growing and they are the largest burrowing mammals in
10:46the world
10:47So how did mad wombat boy?
10:51Get his nickname
10:53It's a long time ago, and I don't want to talk about it. Those days
10:57Were you a small boy, darling? Do I look like I've ever been small?
11:01Did mad wombat boy did he do cubie poos?
11:08Could you make them into a Rubik's?
11:12They're cubed partly because they they don't roll away and it's a good way of marking your territory
11:16And they're able to do it by constricting their anus. I am so gonna try that when I come home
11:22Wombat boy, where are we with wombats? He was maybe raised by wombats
11:26No, he wasn't raised by wombats. He went to boarding school, which is similar
11:32You have to burrow your way out. You do have to
11:34So the burrows are the key to it. Oh, did he go underground and get lost in the burrows?
11:38You get a point. Absolutely. He went down into the burrows. So we're talking about the 1960s
11:43Peter PJ Nicholson, he discovered that there were
11:47That's not him, is it?
11:49When he came out the other end? Yeah
11:54PJ! This is like one of those before and after all those turkey sort of teeth
12:00And then you get in with a full set of dentures
12:03He was at boarding school in Victoria, Australia and there were wombat burrows nearby
12:08And so a wombat burrow is only about 20 inches wide and so scientists had never been down to see what they were like
12:13And PJ was 15 and he was quite slight
12:15He sneaked out at night
12:17And went down into the wombat burrows and he memorised the layout and he drew maps when he got back to his room
12:23I mean, it's unbelievably dangerous
12:25He even found wombats down there that have been trapped in their own
12:29Tunnels and he wrote about this in his school magazine and he became known as mad wombat boy
12:34A bit harsh the mad bit, isn't it? Inquisitive wombat boy
12:38Did he show the trapped ones his map so they could make it out?
12:42That would have been good, wouldn't it?
12:43How did he know they were trapped down there?
12:45Er, dead
12:46Oh
12:50Is it true that he took a wombat bride?
12:54Is it married at first sight Australia?
12:57I know
12:57But they are the largest burrowing mammal in the world they grow up to about four foot long
13:06They weigh about 35 kilos about 10 times heavier I suppose than a newborn baby
13:10They're marsupials so what does that mean?
13:12They have pouches
13:13Yes, they have pouches
13:14But I have to say the wombats are very clever because they dig right they're burrowing
13:18They're pouches on the females face backwards so they don't get mud in the pouch while they're digging
13:24Don't you think that's a woman going i'm going to sort this i'm going to sort this
13:27I don't know when they stand up everything drops out
13:31Anyway, peter nicholson the school boy now all grown up his data remained the best
13:35Information about wombat burrows until the 2024 invention of the wombot
13:42Which is that
13:44Finally finally it can crawl through on caterpillar tracks. Why can't you get claw gloves?
13:50What? Just for yourself?
13:55Just got a pair of gloves with claws on and strap them on i think that'd be a big seller
14:00I think a lot of people would like to have claws there's a lot of uses for them
14:03But what if you forget you've got them on?
14:05Well you could have an accident if you went to scratch yourself
14:08Yeah
14:09But i think you'd only do that once
14:13Yes but can i just remind you that no boy can keep his hand out of his trousers so
14:17Okay so i'm going to upset you here alan and the elves are telling me
14:22That claw gloves are available on amazon at 7.99
14:25Oh
14:31I suspect that they'll be a child's toy claw glove
14:35And i've fallen for this in the past
14:37Okay
14:37I once bought what i thought was a ladder and it turned and it was only 3.99
14:42And it turned out to be for a doll's house
14:47Well i for one was very grateful when you passed it on
14:52Well you sat out haven't you
14:54How do you think i got in this chair
14:58I have a quick question for you
14:59What do wombats do with their bottoms to protect against predators
15:03Twerk
15:05That would be the right answer
15:11I mean
15:13Not quite but so nearly the right answer that i had to give it to you
15:16What's amazing about their bottoms they consist of four bone plates which are fused together
15:21They're covered in a thick layer of cartilage and skin and fur and so on
15:25Very few nerve endings and what they've discovered is that there are crushed animal skulls sometimes
15:30Near the entrance to the burrow and what they think is that they twerk as it were with the bottom and squash the predator to death
15:40Gives face sitting a new meaning
15:46That is one hell of a way to go
15:53But most famous of course the thing everybody talks about it's the poo the poo is the thing
15:57They have all these other skills they have the most they have the most talented assholes i've ever heard
16:05In australia if you commit a sort of a federal crime you can choose that there's a way to die
16:13Should be twerked to death by a wombat yeah or kylie minogue
16:17No
16:21Okay moving along now be prepared for this i have chickens for you please bring on the chickens
16:31This is uh
16:34This is jane with chickie menage
16:38And this is carl with hennifer aniston
16:41So what i want you to try and do guys i want you to try and make your chicken blush
16:48Okay i can see your privates
16:54Mine's coming over because it's eating all it's
16:59This is bringing back my childhood
17:01Yeah
17:02You're trying to make the blush okay
17:03How can you tell if it's blushing oh you really can they turn red as a result of emotion
17:09So you would think that was limited to humans but chickens do it as well
17:12I can do that but i need some onions some garlic
17:18I mean i'm like a chicken whisperer
17:22That would have been embarrassing
17:24But if you look at this picture this picture is the same chicken the chicken pale and then the chicken blushing and they flush
17:31What do you want more i've got some hang on
17:33I've got some here look they've got loads
17:34Here you go baby don't
17:36Don't poo on my cards
17:40If that's not embarrassing i don't know what is
17:41There we go what's that
17:43These are rescue chickens is that right they've been they've been rescued from a life on a battery farm
17:47KFC
17:48So they they're very content
17:51So they blush by sending blood to their wattles as well as to their cheeks when they're scared or excited
18:03And the redder the chicken the more overwrought they are
18:07Oh we don't want to make them overwrought
18:09Yeah i think we're keeping poor
18:10No we don't want to at all
18:11Just a bit wrought
18:13Sweetheart
18:13Look out
18:14Look out predator
18:17Run run for your life
18:21Where's it going
18:21It's going down the hill
18:23No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no wait
18:28Thank you very much
18:30And this is exactly
18:31Thank you very much
18:45If you look at this picture you really can tell in a mission it's the same chicken you can tell something about their emotion
18:49And one of the things they discovered is that the stressed ones they blush deep red
18:53So the one in this picture on the right has been accused of something i think probably
18:56Or it could be excited because they blush too but not quite as much
19:00Anyway why might you do this why might you research this and find out what they do you got a grant
19:12I mean if you're concerned about animal welfare you might think i don't want the red-faced chicken something's up
19:17Absolutely right you just want to check that they're okay
19:20And you could also do this with turkeys they do a rather similar thing
19:23When aroused if i can use that expression
19:26Gorgeous aren't they aren't they amazing but sometimes they go blue when they're holding their breath
19:33Flushing and poultry is particularly obvious in the wattles that's those hanging flaps of chin skin
19:40But what is a wattle actually for marketing conflicts
19:45I'm getting a waffle you're getting a waffle well it's just you know you get to a certain age
19:53I thought you were saying i'm getting one like you're going to get them added yeah i'm going to go to turkey
20:00Cosmetic surgery like that like why doesn't someone just get a really long nose well i think people do
20:05Do weird things isn't there some guy in japan has made himself look as much like a dog as possible
20:09There is a guy in australia who got it done and he had his whole body tattooed green and his teeth sharpened
20:14So he looked like a lizard and apparently he regrets it really
20:22He looked in the mirror and his tail just fell off
20:24It must be to attract the opposite sex that's exactly right though along with the comb on a rooster
20:33The chicken's wattle gets bigger and redder as the animal gets more testosterone
20:37What about in wallace and gromit when the penguin puts a glove on its head
20:41That's one of my favourite things that's ever happened in film
20:45And then everyone thinks it's a chicken
20:47You know i've got a 12 year old friend of mine and i said to her i said have you been watching any films over christmas
20:53And she said oh i loved that film about the gay couple and they were drinking a lot of tea and talking about cheese
20:58And i said are you talking about wallace and gromit
21:03And she said yes i said what made you think it was a gay couple she said oh he keeps going
21:07So now our sign for anybody we think might be gay we all go
21:23Anyway the wattle is very important it kind of literally tells them where they are in the pecking order
21:27If you've got a bigger waffle then you are superior if you took all of the chicken's wattles away nobody would know where they stood
21:34Now it's time to wander into the belly of the beast we call general ignorance fingers on buzzers
21:39Please which animal has the largest testes
21:43The nigerian male sorry
21:45But in second place some kind of whale okay what kind of whale the blue whale
22:03Never say blue whale
22:06So you're thinking of the wrong kind of whale anybody another kind of whale that's the wrong whale
22:10That's the wrong whale and we want the right way the right whale alan gets a point is exactly right
22:27They're talking about the north atlantic right whale they have the largest testes on earth they can weigh up to
22:35500 kilograms
22:37Each
22:39Would it sperm be so big that i personally could ride on it
22:45Having larger testes doesn't necessarily mean you have larger sperm in fact having larger testes makes you more promiscuous
22:51Because what happens is you give a little bit of your sperm to many more partners and that's why you have large testes
22:56I'm afraid sandy that wasn't my question
22:58Can i ride on one of the sperms of this whale no
23:04But what are the advantages of having such huge balls
23:07really
23:12Well i i mean you'd have to ask the tuberous bush cricket okay
23:16These are the largest testes in the world for its size
23:20It represents 14 of its body mass now can i just say they don't hang out like that okay
23:26They're normally internal these have been taken out and unrolled all right why would you do that to it
23:33So the right whale is only about one percent why is who's that in the photo this man why is he smiling like
23:38He's smiling like he just got paid you dirty prick
23:45If one of you boys had testes that size if
23:51It'd be like having the weight of a microwave between your legs that would be yeah it's hard sometimes
23:59My testes are actually very small but i've got a lot of them it looks like a sort of a bunch of grams
24:03Okay
24:07I mean the thing is you say that to me and i think oh maybe some of them come like that what do i
24:12Anyway i can show you this right whales because they've got this very large testes they produce
24:16Four and a half liters of sperm
24:18In one go okay um and that
24:24Is that much
24:27That's a lot isn't it yeah
24:29Yeah
24:33American physicist john a wheeler was the first to imagine tunnels through space-time
24:37He named them after the holes dug by an animal beginning with w and he called them
24:50So this is him hanging out with other clever theoretical physicists he first wrote about what we now call wormholes in the 1950s
24:57But he called them wood chuck holes so wormhole which is what you came up with that came about later
25:03Anybody know how a wormhole works?
25:06In star trek here when they go through it they end up in another place because it lives through the space-time continuum
25:11Yes
25:12And they end up in the same galaxy where the cardassians are sometimes the ferengi
25:17The ferengi don't really get on well with the vulcans a lot of people must say vulcans for cardassians
25:21And then there's like this artificially created species called the gem hadar now the gem hadar
25:27They're warriors but like they don't like they're not like the klingons klingons have like a really interesting culture
25:33And also they were only portrayed by ethnic minorities so like they were the first woke aliens right
25:38So what was the question?
25:40If you wanted a sense of what going into a black hole is like
25:51Black holes are the best holes
25:53Now how many limbs does a starfish have
26:05I think this is a trap. Yes, it is. I don't think it has any limbs
26:10I think it's naught is the correct. Yes
26:12That's right
26:19I feel my work with you grasshopper is done
26:23Yeah, so what does it look like looks like a star but it doesn't really look like a star doesn't really look like a fish either
26:29So how many legs does it you know if you just looked right how many have we got three four five on that one?
26:34Okay, so it looks like five legs sticking out from a central torso and they're actually penises
26:38No, it's all head
26:43So what happened is scientists looked at it and thought well, where's the head?
26:47So they started looking for the head gene and the torso gene and so on and the truth was completely the opposite to what we've all assumed
26:53The head gene was absolutely
26:56Everywhere it was even in the tips of the arms the torso was completely missing the starfish is all head and no
27:01That's just one big face when we were talking about the walrus
27:04We talked about a definition of the leg as an organ of support and locomotion for the animal body
27:09What it does have is how many feet do you think 10 000 you're very close 15 000 around feet wow tiny tube feet
27:18Which are all over the body there we go look at that tiny tiny feet
27:23So it's basically all head and lots and lots of feet
27:27But it does have an anus in case anybody was worrying about that the thing in the middle is that the mouth
27:33The mouth is at the center of the underside yeah, so it shits out of its head
27:37It's the center of the upper side of the body they eat by dropping their stomach out of their mouth
27:43They wrap it around the food they digest it externally and then they pull the whole stomach back into the mouth
27:49And then they put it out the top of their head
27:51Yeah, wow, I know
27:53That's starfish for you all mouth and no trousers now, let's see who's the biggest smarty pants and take a look at tonight's scores
28:02So our winner tonight oh like a duck to water with minus two it's alan
28:07In second place still the cat's whiskers with minus nine sam
28:24In third place on a wild goose chase with minus nine holly
28:27And last the world might be your oyster, but this one's gone off with minus 28 nabeel
28:45That's it for this edition of qi thanks to sam nabeel holly and alan and i leave you with this from bob hope
28:51My father told me all about the birds and the bees the liar. I went steady with a woodpecker until I was 21
28:59Thank you and good night
29:10You
29:21Thank you
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