- 20 hours ago
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00:00Thank you guys for having us over.
00:05Oh, yeah, this is fun couples night.
00:08Yeah, I don't know why we don't hang out with married couples more often.
00:11Well, because every time you do, you make jokes about swinging and scare them away.
00:17You mean that Portuguese couple?
00:19Yeah, like you wouldn't have done it.
00:23Hey, you guys, I have great news.
00:26Ross, we're kind of in the middle of dinner here.
00:27Oh, well, I already ate, but sure.
00:32Guess what happened at work today?
00:34A dinosaur died a million years ago.
00:37Try 65 million years ago and then try shh.
00:43My tenure review board met today and I hear it's looking really good.
00:47Wow.
00:48Do you have any idea what this means in academic circles?
00:51I am going to get laid.
00:53Hi, you guys.
00:58Hey.
00:58Oh, Italian.
01:00No one wanted seconds, right?
01:02No, I'm good.
01:04Hey, you guys are never going to believe it.
01:06This headhunter called me.
01:08I have a meeting tomorrow with Gucci.
01:10Gucci wants me.
01:12I'm up for tenure.
01:13Congratulations.
01:14You too.
01:14What are the odds?
01:17Guess what?
01:17I finally got that seed out of my teeth.
01:24I don't know who I'm happiest for.
01:26I do.
01:27He's been working on that all day.
01:28Oh.
01:29So no one told you life was going to be this way.
01:41Your job's a joke, you broke.
01:43Your love life's the only way.
01:46It's like you're always stuck in second gear.
01:50But when it hasn't been your day, we've come off with me all you need.
01:55But I'll be there for you when the rain starts to go.
02:01I'll be there for you.
02:04I'll be there for you.
02:09I'll be there for you.
02:21Hey, Mom.
02:22Was it weird changing your name to Geller Bing?
02:25No.
02:26No.
02:26It felt nice to acknowledge this.
02:28Oh, yeah.
02:29Where did you go to do it?
02:30Um, the, uh, the, the Ministry of Names.
02:36Bureau.
02:38You never did it.
02:40I'm sorry.
02:41It's just the idea of, of being an official Bing.
02:47Hey, I will have you know that, ah, who am I kidding?
02:51Let's call a kid Geller and let Bing die with me.
02:54There you go.
02:56Thanks.
02:57Honey, would you want me to take your name?
02:59Oh, it's up to you.
03:01It's your name.
03:01You've got to live with it.
03:03All right, let's see.
03:03Call me Mrs. Hannigan.
03:05Mrs. Hannigan?
03:06What?
03:06Can't you see I'm in the middle of something?
03:10Oh, I like it.
03:12Hey, guys.
03:13Hey, Joe.
03:14We've got a couple of things we've got to check out at the new house.
03:16You want to come with us?
03:18No, thank you.
03:19I know you're not happy about us moving, but you're the only one who hasn't seen the
03:22house.
03:23Geller, come with us.
03:24You'll see how close it is to the city.
03:25No, it's not close.
03:27You said it was an escrow?
03:29I couldn't even find that on the map.
03:34Joey, please come.
03:36It means so much to us.
03:40You know what?
03:40You are my friends.
03:42I want to be supportive.
03:43I will come with you.
03:44Shotgun.
03:44Damn it.
03:46See you guys later.
03:47We'll pick you up at 11.
03:48I'm so glad you're coming.
03:52Good for you.
03:53That was really mature.
03:54What?
03:54No, the only reason I'm going to their stupid new house is so I can point out everything
03:58that's wrong with it so they don't move.
04:00I'm going to make them stay here.
04:01You're a strange kind of grown-up.
04:06Joey, you can't make someone do something they don't want to do.
04:09Believe me, there's something I've been trying to get Mike to do in bed, and there's...
04:13Whoa, whoa, whoa, hey, hey.
04:15Can we not talk about that now?
04:16All right.
04:17Prude.
04:21Look, Monica and Chandler really love this house.
04:24You are not going to talk them into staying here.
04:26Hey, hey, I can convince people to do anything.
04:28You know?
04:28I bet I can even get Mike to do that thing.
04:30What is it?
04:35I am not going to help you do that.
04:37I help.
04:39I am not going to help you do that.
04:46Hi.
04:47I'm here to see Mr. Campbell with Gucci.
04:51The reservation's probably under Gucci.
04:53It's spelled like gucky, which can be confusing.
04:57Mr. Campbell's not here yet.
04:59Let me show you to his table.
05:00Oh, my God.
05:06That's my boss.
05:07You have to seat us somewhere else.
05:08I'm sorry.
05:09That's always Mr. Campbell's table.
05:11But my boss cannot see me.
05:13I'm interviewing for another job.
05:15I know.
05:16With gucky.
05:20Rachel?
05:20I'm on a date.
05:21I'm on a date.
05:24That's great.
05:26Yeah, it is.
05:27Yeah.
05:28You know, it's tough.
05:29Single mom career.
05:30You got to get out there.
05:33Well, you've got a good energy.
05:35Oh.
05:37Rachel?
05:37Yes.
05:37Hi.
05:38James Campbell.
05:39Hi.
05:39Hi.
05:40Excuse us.
05:41Please.
05:41Okay.
05:43Oh, yeah.
05:45He's cute.
05:47So, your resume is quite impressive.
05:52My resume?
05:56I wouldn't call my online dating profile a resume.
06:01Dating profile?
06:03I'm talking about the work resume.
06:05La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la.
06:09Whatever happened to just singing for no reason?
06:13Maybe people found it weird.
06:18So, why do you want to leave Ralph Lauren?
06:22What?
06:24I don't.
06:25You don't?
06:25No, I love it there.
06:27Well, if you don't want to leave, why are we having this lunch?
06:33What?
06:37It's Hugo Boss.
06:39Oh, this place is so depressing.
06:48If I had to work here, I'd kill myself.
06:53You obviously haven't.
06:57How can I help you?
06:58Um, I need to change my name, please.
07:00See, I need to change it because I'm hiding from the law.
07:06You're fun.
07:06I need to fill out this form.
07:09Okay.
07:10Well, I just, so I know, I don't know how it works exactly.
07:12See, my name is, um, Buffet and my husband's name is Hannigan.
07:15So, is it supposed to be Buffet Hannigan or Hannigan Buffet?
07:18It could be anything you want.
07:20Well, not anything.
07:22Yeah.
07:22Anything.
07:25Oh, this could take a while.
07:26Get out of my line.
07:30Okay.
07:36Hey.
07:37Hey, Phoebs.
07:38Oh, not anymore.
07:39I changed it today.
07:40Oh, I'm sorry.
07:41Mrs. Hannigan?
07:42Wrong again.
07:43Apparently, you can change it to anything you want.
07:48So, I thought, all right, here's an opportunity to be creative.
07:51So, meet Princess Consuela Banana Hammock.
08:02That's what we were going to name the baby.
08:07Phoebe.
08:08Uh, Princess Consuela.
08:09You seriously changed your name to that?
08:13Uh-huh.
08:13Okay, so from now on, we have to call you Princess Consuela.
08:16Uh, no, I'm going to have my friends call me Valerie.
08:24Hey, how'd the interview go?
08:25Oh, not good.
08:27You know, I always feel that way after an interview.
08:29I'll bet it went better than you think.
08:32Well, I didn't get the job at Gucci, and I got fired from Ralph Lauren.
08:36That is a bad interview.
08:39What are you talking about?
08:41How'd this happen?
08:42Well, my boss was at the same restaurant where I was having my interview, and he heard everything.
08:47So, later, he calls me to his office, and he tells me that he's going to have to let me go
08:51because I'm not a team player.
08:53And I say, wait a minute.
08:54No, yes, I am.
08:55And then I had to sit there for 45 minutes while he proved that that, in fact, was true.
09:04Oh, God, I'm so sorry.
09:05Hey, what's this?
09:12It's a bottle of champagne.
09:14Why is this here?
09:16Ross?
09:17I guess it's here because I got tenure!
09:20Congratulations!
09:21This is the single greatest day of my professional career.
09:25Gunther, six glasses.
09:27Six?
09:27You want me to join?
09:29Oh, I thought Joey was here.
09:30Five is good.
09:35I'm going to have a loogie in my coffee tomorrow.
09:37Ooh, Israeli champagne.
09:42And it's vanilla.
09:44I got tenure.
09:45I didn't win the lottery.
09:48Hey, Rich, so, uh, how did your thing go?
09:50Oh, it's good, yeah, but I'm not going to hear about that for a couple of days.
09:54Oh, you know what?
09:54You're going to get it.
09:55I, I, I can feel it.
09:57Can ya?
09:57Well, everybody, here's to Ross.
10:01And, and to years of hard work finally paying off.
10:06And to knowing that career doesn't mean everything.
10:11But also knowing it means a lot.
10:15But more importantly, to full, well-rounded lives.
10:18That center around work.
10:20To Ross!
10:21You know what the best part about this is?
10:28I can never be fired.
10:29Oh, God.
10:30No, seriously.
10:31I have job security for life.
10:34You know?
10:34I mean, I never have to worry.
10:36Oh, oh, look at, look how happy you are for me.
10:42Oh, it's not that.
10:44I got fired today.
10:46Then I didn't get the other job.
10:47Rach, I'm so sorry.
10:53Oh.
10:55Great, I feel like an idiot.
10:56No, it's okay.
10:57You didn't know.
10:58Oh.
11:00Little heads up would have been nice.
11:12Thank you for letting us see the house again.
11:13And thank you for explaining to us what escrow means.
11:15I've already forgotten what you said, but thank you.
11:19Take as long as you want.
11:21Just let me know when you're through.
11:22Okay, thanks.
11:25Oh, I'm so glad you decided to come.
11:27Me too.
11:27Yeah, this place is great.
11:29I'm so happy for you guys.
11:31Although, you know, I hope you like fungus.
11:35What?
11:36Fungus?
11:37Yeah, place is full of it.
11:39No, it's not.
11:40We had an inspection and they didn't find anything.
11:42Okay.
11:43And I guess I have dry eyes and a scratchy throat for no reason.
11:46Maybe it's because you hung your head out of the window like a dog the whole ride here.
11:52Maybe.
11:54So this is the living room, huh?
11:56Oh, it's pretty dark.
12:02No, it's not.
12:03Are you kidding?
12:04I think I just saw a bat in the corner.
12:06When your head was hanging out the window, it didn't hit a mailbox, did it?
12:14Maybe.
12:16Look, I just think you guys can do better than this house, you know?
12:19Or any other house for that matter.
12:22Oh, Joey.
12:23Look, we know you're having a hard time with this, but we really, we love it here.
12:27Fine, okay.
12:27If you love this house so much, then you should just live here, okay?
12:30I just hope you get used to that weird humming sound.
12:35Joey, we know that's you.
12:36No, it's not.
12:38Hey, welcome back.
12:46I missed you.
12:47Oh, me too.
12:48So what's new?
12:49Well, I'm no longer Phoebe Buffay.
12:52That's great.
12:52You changed your name?
12:53Yes, I did.
12:54Meet Princess Consuela Banana Hammock.
13:00You're kidding, right?
13:01Nope.
13:02You really did that?
13:03Yep.
13:05You can't do that.
13:07Why?
13:08Why?
13:09It's fun, it's different, no one else has a name like it.
13:13All right, then I'm going to change my name.
13:15Great.
13:16Okay, what are you going to change it to?
13:18Crap Bag.
13:21Mike Crap Bag?
13:22No.
13:23No, Mike.
13:24No, just Crap Bag.
13:25First name Crap, last name Bag.
13:28You're not serious, right?
13:30Yeah, I'm serious.
13:31It's fun, it's different, no one else has a name like that.
13:33Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
13:35Well, then, great.
13:36If you love it, I love it.
13:38I do love it.
13:39And I love your name.
13:40I love Princess Consuela.
13:41And I love Crap.
13:49Ow!
13:53Who are you?
13:54Oh, hi, I'm Joey.
13:56My stupid friends are buying this house.
13:58Who are you?
13:59I'm Mackenzie.
14:01My stupid parents are selling this house.
14:03Oh.
14:05I hate my parents.
14:07I hate my friends.
14:12All right, look, there's got to be a way that we can stop this from happening.
14:16Like what?
14:17What?
14:18Oh, okay, you come with me and you tell them that the house is haunted.
14:24What are you, eight?
14:28Oh, okay, let's say you're a great idea.
14:31I don't have any great ideas.
14:33I am eight.
14:36Wow.
14:37There's got to be a way.
14:38I mean, you know, if Monica and Chandler move out here, and now Phoebe's married to Mike,
14:43that just leaves me and Ross and Rach.
14:45You know what I mean?
14:47I really don't.
14:50What do I do?
14:51I feel like I'm losing my friends.
14:53My parents say I'm going to make new friends.
14:55Oh, yeah, sure.
14:56Easy for you.
14:57You're young.
14:57Me, I'm setting my ways.
14:59This is what my mom was talking about.
15:04Whiners are wieners.
15:09Look, you want your friends to be happy, right?
15:13Yeah, yeah, I guess, yeah.
15:15Well, if moving here is going to make them happy, don't you want them to do it?
15:20Yeah, maybe.
15:24Then you've got to let them go.
15:29Well, I hate to admit it, but you're probably right.
15:37How'd you get to be so smart?
15:40I read a lot.
15:43Just when I thought we could be friends.
15:49Oh, hey, Rach.
15:50I just heard.
15:51I'm so sorry.
15:52Oh, thank you.
15:54You still don't know my name, do you?
15:56Well, now I don't have to.
16:04Ross, what is taking you so long?
16:15I'm sorry.
16:16It's almost as if this wasn't built for a quick getaway.
16:22Rachel?
16:23Mark?
16:25What?
16:26Oh, my God.
16:27How have you been?
16:28I'm fantastic.
16:29You remember Ross?
16:31Sure, sure.
16:33Oh.
16:33What's with the chair?
16:36Uh, you know, you can't always get a seat on the subway, so...
16:41Clever.
16:44So, how are you?
16:45Oh, you're not catching me on my best day.
16:48Yeah, a box full of your desk stuff doesn't exactly say big promotion.
16:52No, but it's good.
16:53You know, I'm gonna take some time off and do some charity work.
16:56Are you sure?
16:57Because we may have something at Louis Vuitton.
16:59Well, screw charity work.
17:00What do you got?
17:02Why don't we have dinner tonight and talk about it?
17:05Great.
17:05Good.
17:05I'll call you.
17:06Okay.
17:07Nice to see you.
17:08Yeah, yeah.
17:09I got tenure.
17:09I got tenure.
17:09Oh, my God!
17:17See, I told you something good would come along.
17:20And he seemed really nice.
17:22I've met him before.
17:24Ross, that's Mark from Bloomingdale's.
17:27You were insanely jealous of him.
17:30That is Mark?
17:31Yes.
17:31I hate that guy.
17:33Oh, my God.
17:34No, no, no, no.
17:36You cannot go to dinner with him.
17:37What?
17:37You don't want me to get a job?
17:39Oh, yeah.
17:39I'm sure he's gonna give you a job.
17:41Maybe make you his sex-retary.
17:44I'm serious.
17:45I just don't trust that guy.
17:46Okay?
17:47Boss, you know what?
17:48Okay, let's talk about it later.
17:49There comes security.
18:02Oh, I love the street.
18:04The trees and the big front yards.
18:06And the actual picket fences.
18:09Man, those two dogs are going at it.
18:14Hey.
18:15Hey, where you been?
18:16Oh, just, you know, looking around.
18:19But you know what?
18:20This house is great.
18:23Really?
18:23What changed your mind?
18:25Oh, well, the little girl who lives here made me feel a lot better about the whole thing.
18:28Joey, there was a little girl who lived here, but she died, like, 30 years ago.
18:39What?
18:41I'm just messing with you.
18:42That's not funny.
18:45You know I'm afraid of little girl ghosts.
18:48Joey, now that you're okay with the house, do you want to go see your room?
18:51What?
18:54I get my own room?
18:56You don't think we'd buy a house and not have a Joey room, do you?
19:00Oh, my God.
19:03Oh.
19:05Hey, can I have an aquarium?
19:06And a sex swing?
19:10No.
19:10Why not?
19:11I'll keep the tank clean.
19:17After you, Miss Banana Hammock.
19:19Thank you, Mr. Bag.
19:22Oh, hey.
19:23How are you?
19:24Good.
19:25Oh, Rita's a massage client.
19:27Yeah.
19:27Oh.
19:28Why don't you introduce me?
19:33Rita, this is my husband.
19:34Oh.
19:35Yeah.
19:36Why don't you tell her my name?
19:39Okay, I will.
19:40Well, this is, um, this is my husband, um, crap bag.
19:46Crap bag?
19:47If you need an easy way to remember it, just think of a bag of crap.
19:54Okay.
19:55Excuse me.
19:56Yeah.
19:58Ugh.
19:59Okay, fine.
20:00You made your point.
20:01Can you please just be Mike Hannigan again?
20:03Only if you'll be Phoebe Buffay.
20:07How about, um, how about Buffay Hannigan?
20:10Really?
20:11Yeah.
20:12I'm Phoebe Buffay Hannigan Banana Hammock.
20:17Do you even know what a banana hammock is?
20:19It's a funny word.
20:21It's a Speedo.
20:22Oh, crap.
20:33Hey, is Rachel here?
20:34Nope.
20:36She's still at dinner?
20:37I guess.
20:38Why, who's she with?
20:39That guy Mark, from Bloomingdale's?
20:41She thinks he's just being nice to her.
20:43But I know he really wants to sleep with her.
20:45It's seven years ago.
20:49My time machine works.
20:53We ran into him on the street today, and he said he might have a job for her.
20:57But I know he just wants to get into her pants.
21:00So what if he wants to sleep with her?
21:02I mean, she's single and he's cute.
21:05Excuse me?
21:05Oh, please.
21:08Yesterday on the subway, you couldn't stop staring at that woman with the big breasts
21:12the whole time.
21:13For your information, I was staring at her baby.
21:16We're about to be parents.
21:19Oh, sorry.
21:20Hi, you guys.
21:32Oh, hi.
21:33So, uh, how was dinner?
21:35Oh, it was great.
21:37Mark is so sweet.
21:38Oh, yeah?
21:39Yeah?
21:39I wonder why.
21:40What could that smarmy lech possibly want?
21:42Oh, Ross, come on.
21:44He is happily married.
21:45His wife just had twins.
21:48Should we send something?
21:49Oh.
21:50How did the job stuff go?
21:53He offered me one.
21:56That's great.
21:57Congratulations.
21:59I know.
21:59It's amazing.
22:01It's amazing.
22:02It's so much better than what I had at Ralph Lauren.
22:05The money is great.
22:07Can we just stop for a second?
22:09Who said something better would come along?
22:11Huh?
22:12You didn't believe me.
22:13I told you everything was going to work out.
22:15You know what?
22:16This calls for a bottle of Israel's finest.
22:18The job is in Paris.
22:24I mean, this soap opera's a great gig, but am I missing opportunities?
22:43You know, I've always thought of myself as a serious actor.
22:46I mean, should I be trying to do more independent movies?
22:48I don't know.
22:52But you know what?
22:53I'm going to put you on with my bear.
22:55Hold on.
22:58Hey, Bailey, I need some career advice.
23:00Ladies and gentlemen, we're on the universe.
23:00I know.
23:13Let's go.
23:14Let's go.
23:15Let's go.
23:15Let's go.
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