Gogglebox - Season 26 Episode 04
#EnglishMovie #cdrama #drama #engsub #chinesedramaengsub #movieshortfull
#EnglishMovie #cdrama #drama #engsub #chinesedramaengsub #movieshortfull
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TVTranscript
00:00Is he do one?
00:01Wah!
00:02Can Bobby do one?
00:04Wah!
00:05Can Mummy do one?
00:07Wah!
00:08Oh, God!
00:09Can Ezra do one?
00:11Wah!
00:12Wah!
00:13That was scary!
00:20Yes!
00:21Ooh!
00:22Happy days!
00:23Oh, Daniella, I like this!
00:24He's gone and done and did it!
00:25I don't trust him because he's teetotal.
00:27Oh, no!
00:28Cryptic that in there.
00:30Convoluted that.
00:31Ooh!
00:32Oh, no, no!
00:33What a waste of a muffin!
00:34Ooh!
00:35Ooh!
00:36What's that?!
00:37Unacceptable!
00:38Yeah!
00:39Ooh!
00:40Nah!
00:41What the hell?
00:42Is that it?
00:43There's not much evidence of man-boob, is there, Mary?
00:46Oh, I hate Swiss roll.
00:47Oh, no!
00:48Oh!
00:49Oh, no!
00:50Oh, he's a badger.
00:51Yes, he's a badger.
00:53Oh, man, he's got one in and one out!
00:55It's the kind of trash I adore.
00:57Was that good for you as it was for me?
01:00In the week ITV turned 70, we enjoyed lots of great telly.
01:07A scandal was brewing in the staff room on BBC One.
01:10You'll be able to put your side of the story across during the inquiry.
01:13I don't believe this.
01:15Because I was a supervisor, they'd always, if there was an investigation, can you take notes?
01:20Can I?
01:21I used to love it.
01:22Yeah.
01:23She's done what?
01:24And then, everything said in this room is strictly private and confidential.
01:28Straight out of the door.
01:29Of course it is!
01:30Of course it is!
01:31Straight in the brew room.
01:33She's been nicking!
01:35The Chelsea set hit the beach on E4.
01:41Thanks.
01:43Hello.
01:44Imagine having perky tits that you could wear a top like that with no brown walk down beach.
01:48I was literally just thinking that.
01:52Might have been more.
01:55And ITV news was breaking all the big stories.
01:5912.30, Sunday lunch on ITV1 and STV.
02:01Now finally this evening there is just one rule that magicians must abide by.
02:05Don't reveal your secrets.
02:06That is perhaps why a pen and teller, an act seen by millions around the world.
02:10How long was that sentence?
02:12Did you notice that?
02:13She didn't even draw a second bit of breath.
02:15The lung capacity.
02:16The lung capacity.
02:17I was waiting for some pause or something.
02:19Nothing.
02:20That's why Julie Etchingham does what she does.
02:22She's a professional man.
02:23That lung capacity man, forget it.
02:25Like a rocker, isn't she?
02:26Yeah.
02:27Do you think that before the news comes up she goes...
02:29Yeah.
02:30Yeah.
02:31In Wiltshire.
02:40By the way, if I do die Mary I want to insist on something.
02:43I don't want the Frank Sinatra sing a song I did it my way at the funeral.
02:48You didn't do it at all let alone doing it your way.
02:50No, I didn't do it.
02:52But also I don't want Bohemian Rhapsody either.
02:54No.
02:55Giles and his wife Mary.
02:57What do you want?
02:58I wish it could be Christmas Every Day by Slade.
03:01You couldn't want that.
03:03Erm.
03:04That would be so annoying.
03:07Annoying right to the last minute.
03:10On Sunday night a brand new group of brave singles were saying I'd do again on E4.
03:17They get married at first sight.
03:19It took you seven years to ask me.
03:22I don't want to make a mistake ever.
03:24Coming in.
03:25Yikes.
03:26OK, this is more comfy.
03:31I haven't seen it.
03:32No, no, have I?
03:33Just the title makes me feel.
03:34I've heard about it, yes.
03:35I thought it was ridiculous.
03:37This?
03:38The first to enter the experiment is 31 year old Sarah.
03:41See, she's getting on so she could do with getting married anyway.
03:4531's getting on?
03:47I want to be married by the time I'm 30.
03:49I usually don't get approached by men that often.
03:52I'm having too much of a good time.
03:54Oh, recruitment consultant.
03:55You know what they're like.
03:56That's a bit of you.
03:57That's a bit of you.
03:58I just love a bad boy.
04:01Oh, no.
04:02Shame.
04:04What are you looking at me for?
04:06I'm looking for a man who will cheese on me, lie to my face and call me a bitch.
04:13I really want to find a nice guy.
04:16And yeah, that somebody is just going to be my knight in shining armour.
04:19Yes.
04:20Oh, God love you.
04:21Not your usual type doll.
04:22No.
04:23But then she'll go for the usual type, shall we?
04:25I know, I know, I know.
04:27None of us learn, do we?
04:30My perfect husband would be someone who can match my energy.
04:34There we go.
04:35Oh, there he is.
04:36Is this going to be a knight in shining armour?
04:38A bit of a joker.
04:40Oh, he looks nice.
04:41I'm no expert.
04:42She don't like him.
04:43Who can have fun with me, have great sense of humour.
04:47And we're watching him laugh in slow motion to know that he's fun.
04:51If he doesn't look like what I would usually go for, it doesn't matter.
04:55I'm going to be open-minded.
04:56Will she, though?
04:57Yeah.
04:58I hope so.
05:00I've always been the cute, nice guy.
05:02Look at his dimples!
05:03Oh, the knob!
05:04My friends would describe me as a cheeky chap.
05:07Oh, he's a bad boy, all right, isn't he?
05:09Oh, yeah.
05:10I love to make sure people laugh and around me are having fun.
05:13Go on, Dean, yeah?
05:14He does seem like a nice guy.
05:16He is.
05:17He does seem like a nice guy.
05:18You could take him home to your grandma.
05:20You could.
05:21He'd be a good plus one at a party.
05:23I've been lucky enough to work in a variety of professions all based around entertainment.
05:26I started years ago as a redcoat at Butlins.
05:29He ain't got no bad boy in him at all.
05:33Like, I'm telling you, which bad boy goes to Butlins?
05:37Also a jack of all trades.
05:39I do magic.
05:40I've done puppeteering.
05:41What the hell?
05:42Oh, this is not for me.
05:43OK, he's lost me at puppet.
05:44Sorry, I'm out.
05:45I can do circus skills, singing, rapping.
05:48He is Mr. Entertainer.
05:49Isn't he?
05:50I think he is what she needs or what she thinks she wants.
05:55Yeah.
05:56But...
05:57He's not.
05:58No.
05:59He's not going to be setting your undies on fire, love.
06:00Do you know what I can say?
06:01Well, he might be as part of the magic act, but...
06:07Wedding day.
06:08Oh, God, I'm all nervous.
06:09There he is.
06:10Oh, look at him.
06:11Oh, look at the Dickie bow.
06:12Oh, look at him.
06:13Oh, look at the Dickie bow.
06:14Are you OK?
06:19Hi.
06:20Oh, friends are judging already.
06:22Oh!
06:23He is definitely not Sarah's type.
06:26Yes, we know that.
06:27We know that.
06:28But she's going to be open and try something new.
06:31Oh, Yumi Gorsham.
06:32I know, I know.
06:33He's going to love her.
06:34She looks so beautiful in her.
06:35Oh, Yumi Gorsham.
06:36I know, I know.
06:37He's going to love her.
06:38He looks so beautiful in her dress.
06:39Look at that.
06:42There's the first look.
06:45What's your name?
06:46Sarah.
06:47What's your name?
06:48My name's Dean.
06:49Dean.
06:50Oh, I don't know.
06:51Sarah seems happy as well.
06:52Just her friends don't seem happy for her.
06:54It started off good.
06:55The personality's there.
06:56I hope she's feeling the same.
06:59Oh!
07:00She can't look at her.
07:01She's not looking at her.
07:02She's not even looking at her.
07:03Oh, no.
07:05No, I don't fancy Dean.
07:06Oh, no.
07:07No.
07:08But you don't have to fancy.
07:09It's not all about...
07:10Oh, sorry.
07:11More to marriage than that.
07:12Yeah.
07:13Doesn't matter about look, 30 seconds ago.
07:18Sarah.
07:19I don't know anything about you yet.
07:21But I can't wait to discover all the idiosyncrasies that make you who you are.
07:24Love that Dean, man.
07:25The what?
07:26Endiosyncrasies.
07:27Endiosyncrasies.
07:28Endiosyncrasies.
07:29And there's something I've prepared.
07:30Oh, I'm excited.
07:31Oh, God.
07:32Oh, dear.
07:33No.
07:34No, no.
07:35If it's magic, stop now.
07:36When I saw you in that dress today, you did more than take my breath away.
07:37Oh, no, it's a wrap.
07:38No.
07:39No.
07:40Stop.
07:41All my fears alleviate.
07:42I know we're going to be OK.
07:43He's been a bad boy.
07:44Come on, what's up with you lot man?
07:46Come on.
07:47You think this is why man can't get it right?
07:48Why we match, we may not know.
07:49Trust experts and we'll build a home.
07:52Oh, God.
07:53Oh, God.
07:54Like, what the hell?
07:55Oh, we still going?
07:57It is like putting chicken in a vodka tonic then.
07:59He's been a bad boy.
08:00I've been a bad boy.
08:01Oh, God.
08:02Like, what the hell?
08:04It's been a bad boy.
08:05I've been a bad boy.
08:06I've been a bad boy.
08:07Oh, God.
08:08The bad boy.
08:09Don't be a bad boy.
08:10I've been a bad boy.
08:11vodka tonic this everybody sing with me no no no everybody sing with me when I
08:20say wed you say ding he's just the type of person that can't be embarrassed oh
08:31yeah he just can't be shown oh yeah you never know game maybe he will grind her
08:37down and start liking him you don't really want to grind someone down for them to begin to like you
08:43do you really well that's always been my strategy Jane in Durham how have you settled into the new
08:54job the knobs it was so strange on Monday Tuesday I felt like the new girl on the block and I know
09:01it was the same office but I just felt like it was a different place completely best friends Abby and
09:07Georgia anyway by the end of the week I did build up the confidence to say to Holly who I sit next to
09:14do you mind if I eat me ham sandwich next to you oh no I'd have to say yeah go away bearing in mind
09:21it's only corn ham so it doesn't smell or anything that's so funny usually I have an egg sandwich
09:27though oh god well ask Holly about that next time and I got confident eating the egg sandwich in the
09:33finance department but I thought I can't come first week with an egg sandwich I think of it a few
09:38months maybe after Christmas on Monday night the West Londoners were off on tour again on E4 what would
09:45you drink if he was really posh and if it was in Chelsea I think oh great be fine for me why are we
09:53talking like this well I don't really know look but people in Chelsea really have nice teeth we
09:58don't talk like this all I don't think so you love this oh in another life I would I'll be a Chelsea
10:09girl well yes see that's what I was getting to I got a taxi home last night from Kings Cross at
10:14about 11 o'clock and he drove all through Chelsea well it's a nice place to live you know it's not too
10:19shabby yeah I didn't see any of these Muppets no Vince Thailand my friends Linda and Jackie have
10:29been there it's very it's a hot spot lots of steps wouldn't recommend it oh see but at the kickbox yeah
10:40oh I love a bit of boxing yeah it's really good that's what could be the reason there's a few
10:46pounds being put on it's because I'm not doing my boxer size anybody picked you ever picked you up
10:58and carried you look at me no I don't think so the only time that happened to me was when I drunkenly
11:05fell off the scooter in New York I was your night last night yeah I had a fun night I had a really
11:11fun night this is Freddy good I'm glad in social something so sus what's what did you see that
11:17was suspect love what a sus mean suspicious oh everything's shortened nowadays well he had his
11:23hand on Bex's inner thigh oh no you know Freddy it was going up with Bex yes Ollie and Freddy are best
11:30mates mates and Ollie's trying to get in there with Freddy's ex as if that's not bloody mate code is
11:36it I did see Bex and Ollie kiss ah all he wouldn't do that well he fucking has pal he would he did
11:45apparently kiss more than once there's no but he's he's told me oh Fred is actually upset he feels
11:53betrayed oh mate it's not nice news to hear I know exactly he's got it he's gonna faint oh sorry
12:00pal he's fucking not me for sixes fuck him no fucking fucking fuck him they're like proper
12:14snogging each other on the bean bags is that another word for prisons shut snogging each other
12:22on the bin bags bean bags I'm sorry I misheard that stop it how have you been feeling last like 24
12:29hours are you okay um I mean obviously it's not ideal with Freddy and I situation I've heard that he's
12:35pretty angry at me fuming yeah because you should have spoke to him first you twit one-on-one you start
12:44to sort of like them ultimately mate oh here we go yes there's nothing really to worry about as long as
12:52you just oh oh what an entrance I'm living for this Ollie you've outdone yourself mate there's nothing more
13:04intimidating than a slow clap walking over what's up Gene you all right how are you okay not only are you a
13:10gigantic bellend gigantic bellend well you can ask Bex about that hey a wallet do you know what a bellend is
13:20a what he just said you're a gigantic bellend never heard of it yeah I fucking I hate you Ollie oh
13:26would you go that far I hate you come here no come back and fucking deal with this like a man if
13:37you're gonna talk to me like I'm a piece of shit oh oh it's come back he's coming back you're a piece
13:42of shit Ollie oh he's shaking you are a piece of shit Ollie I can't trust you
13:49we're never gonna be friends again I mean that wholeheartedly there is no coming back from this
13:55ever can't go where you mate's exes what are you did if you was in the same position me and you broke up and then one of
14:02your best friends moves in on me I just say best of luck well thanks for that oh a bellend okay imagine a man's
14:13appendage oh yeah okay have you got it now yeah okay well that's a bellend if you call someone a bellend it's the end of their knob
14:19end of their knob I've never heard of that it's like a dickhead okay must remember that bellend
14:28yeah
14:29in Bristol yo man let me never guess what I did what's that I went to orchestra by candlelight
14:44oh I've been wanting to do that you yeah I've changed brothers Jermaine Twain and Tristan I'm not
14:51gonna lie I've changed best experience I've experienced for a long while well yeah so I need to do that
14:57see he's climb mountains and he's doing orchestra by candlelight yeah yeah yeah this guy bro what up to you
15:02blad it's 25 I've changed
15:04on Tuesday night Waterloo Road opened up the school gates for a new term on BBC One
15:12have you seen this before me do you look like I used to watch it years ago yeah I like it
15:17I would go back to high school tomorrow would you I loved every minute of it I think I would as well
15:22you know John Richardson is either comedian not the John Richardson now bloody hell I tell you what if I've
15:38actually went to school at Waterloo Road I get nothing done because I'd be that starstruck you know I'll be
15:42asking Marsha over there I know Kim Mars taking English yeah what's that on the site oh my god is that drug
15:52oh sniffing before school
15:57is he taking something like that packet to get him through the day maybe but isn't it a blessing
16:10that neither you nor I is addicted to cocaine cocaine ketamine or fentanyl or the other stuff um skunk
16:19mr. Donovan hey sorry you got that a new starter look about you is this his first day literally a
16:26high school teacher love you don't get it's all right I had no idea honestly when you're ready
16:35mr. Charles is this the man in huddle this is Darius Donovan he will be joining us as our new creative
16:41arts teacher creative arts do you do creative arts at your school hmm come get me away from the art
16:46department and another not so new member of staff that really deserves a mention is Mark Todd Mark
16:55has been shortlisted for the Northwest Teacher of the Year award oh how's he now shortlisted it's not
17:03warning yet oh Darius isn't impressed is he he doesn't seem amused that seems like a bit of a
17:12hating yeah dropping his back on floor at school no way oh my gosh mr. Todd's found the packet is that
17:27what I think it is yes it is Alyssa mr. Todd's teacher the year you know he's definitely gonna
17:32snitch yeah so I've seen things one of their kids must have dropped it oh oh my god he's blaming a kid
17:41hi mr. Todd always put them in his pocket well because the pupils were going past he could hardly
17:48keep them in his hand if I was him I'd be straight to the headmaster's office yeah this is insane can
17:54you see his mind going I can get him fired and I'll be the Northwest best teacher wow how has Darius
18:02got away with that as well hey now that is the face of a teacher who's been here a few years not a few
18:08hours I've just lost 30 quid at the fucking coke do you know the expression caught between a rock and
18:14our place what's he gonna say what's he gonna tell him I saw mr. Todd with drugs oh you horrible
18:28little quizling all because mr. Todd's up for getting an award and he wants to be top dog round
18:34the air is taking mr. Todd down do you know what we we please just forget I said anything forget I said
18:40anything how can you forget that but I'll tell you what I'll keep your name out of it cheers pal
18:46you're a good one oh I'll keep your name out of it that's what he wants that's exactly what he's
18:53played right into his hands didn't he uh Mark if you'd like to take a seat please I wanted to see
18:58you actually is she gonna speak to him about the drugs before he has the chance to tell her yes
19:03now we've had a report that you've got drugs on you it does have drugs aren't they're in his pocket
19:09sickness yeah yeah that's why I came to see it I'm I found something outside the loser lunch oh my
19:17god now he looks like he's lying hang on you don't honestly think that that is mine oh he's never
19:24gonna get teacher of the year now this one's gonna score me off the premises given the severity
19:28of the accusation we have no option but to call the police the police oh he's getting fucking nicked
19:33as well he was class I poor bloke oh it's horrendous Jane do you know what John plays a very convincing
19:43knobhead don't he it's a dark horse he's John Richardson he's a man of many talents
19:47in Kent who do you reckon is going to be the better driver out of you two oh wow oh hands up
19:55Harry oh me absolutely Michael Sally and their sons Jake and Harry why is it going to be you
20:01because I'm older I'm more mature my brain my frontal lobe is fully developed see I'm going to prove to
20:08you right now what I'm a better driver than Harry Harry which one's left and right that way which
20:14one's left or right you can't just point that way this week our favorite wildlife filmmaker was all
20:21let's see on Disney Plus darling dolphins up close you sure you want to watch that I am not sure
20:27that's the best idea with your past experience with dolphins I honestly think I must be the only person
20:33in the world that can comfortably say not comfortably actually um but can truthfully say I was sexually
20:39assaulted by a dolphin or a dolphin tried to sexually assault me it's probably the correct time
20:44have you ever wanted to swim with dolphins no I can't swim I don't like getting my hair wet I'm sure
20:53last time we watched Bertie Gregory you said you fancied him well has it got a pulse yeah can't for
20:59to look this is the place you wanted to go to the Azores yes it looks awful as a holiday destination
21:13over the last 10 years I've become completely obsessed with searching the ocean for epic
21:18gatherings of predators there is no way you would catch me anywhere near an epic gathering of
21:23predators no in wildlife film we call these a bait ball and they attract a group of predators that
21:28you've never otherwise see together a bait ball so what's in the bait ball I wonder I know what a
21:33bait ball is it's where they school all them fish together in it this could be the most diverse
21:39gathering of predators I've ever filmed well I think we might learn something here Rosie I think
21:45we might yes because usually we avoid animals like the plague it's a bumpy two-hour journey to the
21:51remote sea mountain good god two hours of this is more like it here we go oh look so we're seeing some we're seeing some
22:05some activity some wildlife dolphins arrived wow oh look at them all my goodness oh wow that's amazing
22:15that is that would be lovely to see but we want to be on the water doing it the spotted and common
22:22dolphins try to herd the fish look at the beautiful markings on them I'm triggered circling the school the
22:30predators tighten their grip there's the ball it's literally a ball ball look at how they move
22:37they're trying to get out of the way but something has spooked the dolphins oh shit what happened oh here
22:45we go the apex predators come in blue sharks oh my goodness see that is why you won't catch me in the sea
23:00that shark has played an absolute blinder yeah he's just got 150 dolphins 400 birds to do his work and
23:07now he's just going to clean up that that shell it's come he's eating all the food and then he's buggered
23:13off this is you are the shark but the feast isn't over the dolphins are back for one final showdown no
23:23here we go oh they've come back come on dolphins you can do it get your ball back the bait ball is tossed
23:30upwards does that mean the birds can eat it yeah nowhere to go down come the shearwaters oh look at that
23:39lot this is insane diving to more than 50 feet what the freaking hell this doesn't look real i don't think it is
23:51and it's not over yet what else can happen
23:58who's this now the commotion draws the attention of a minky whale
24:04oh a minky whale a minky whale
24:11oh straight through the middle
24:13hey it lots they're in you greedy bastard
24:20tough day to be a fish yeah i am not trying to get in the ocean and swim with no dolphins
24:27why it looks too scary but you got all them bikinis man that you're taking to st vincent with you
24:33yeah they ain't for the dolphins mom who they're for
24:47in leeds i was fuming when i got here and toby were parked in my car parking spot
24:53well i did say to him you know ellie's gonna be madly inconvenienced and she's gonna have to walk
24:57five more steps to get to my front door and she's gonna be happy about it yeah and he went
25:01well i don't care sisters ellie and dizzy do you know what i said i actually did confront him
25:08about it and then he did offer to move his car and put my car there but i said no no point
25:14now damage is done damage is done yeah but i thought do you know what nat would never do that
25:21just wouldn't do it would he and i thought do you know what toby is selfish i knew you were gonna
25:27say that on saturday night a couple of familiar faces were back together again on itv1 we cap of
25:35this time oh lovely thank you so much if you'll turn them on just sitting down here thank you do you
25:41want some of this oh yeah please what are you looking at the sides is that one this is win-win
25:52no this is don't you no why is it new melon soup oh they're back
26:02oh them in business the power walking i tell you what they i bet these two are glad they've been
26:07chuck to bow yeah you've not seen them really together since bake off yeah quite sad actually
26:13it's more like a reunion this really isn't it yeah in the program mel and sue were looking for answers
26:19based on what a survey had said question three is upon us here it is okay okay which of these
26:26unhygienic things have the most number of brits done oh no oh no this is gonna be totally
26:34triggering for me i can't cope not brush their teeth for a day how could you not brush your teeth for
26:39the tea well i'm not because i have to put mine in
26:49peed in the shower oh pop someone else's spots oh no done all of them
26:55the answer is peed in the shower you do it as well i've never done it but i've done it in the bath
27:08according to our survey what's the most common tattoo design among brits a sheep
27:15i don't think so it's either tribal bar wire sweetie pie or a dolphin above the navel yeah butterfly dragon
27:23loved one's name i've got a butterfly you know i've just got my brothers and sisters names there
27:28butterfly butterfly apparently all girls i've got one at the top of their back bottoms
27:35all girls of a certain age yeah the answer is
27:40butterfly a butterfly oh my god what's wrong with people i'm common
27:47no no sure yeah no shock there two best studio players will now face one final question to win
27:54that cash card and that's to remind everybody is loaded with 25 000 smackaroos oh i could just do
28:01with that right now you see this is wrong because it's making britons think that if you go on a game
28:07show you'll win money rather than working for it so we asked the nation which physical attribute do you
28:14find most attractive in other people great game this isn't it elbows 100 percent personality oh
28:21physical good bomb clean fingernail nice skin height good posture not asked about hair or eyes they don't
28:28need any of them legs you're just saying yours yeah it's based on a survey what first attracted you to
28:37percy sarah beautifully shaped hands james you did best in that round so you're going to go first what
28:44are you thinking i'll go for smile teeth yeah smile right smile graham what are you going to go with
28:55i always used to look at bums um i'd probably say good teeth yeah he's got good teeth he's got good
29:03teeth they're talking about themselves they're talking about excelling themselves it's going to smile
29:09going to be higher or lower than graham's teeth do you think it's higher just have a look smile and good
29:15teeth are the same thing they are not the same thing oh oh smile number one and he's smiling now isn't he
29:28he's smiling like this well done james do you know what that's what it's all about for me seeing
29:37somebody who's gone on there had a go and they've won a nice couple of quid exactly nothing too taxing
29:42neither yeah warms the cockles of my heart yeah lovely and it's nice to see mel and sue you know are
29:50back at the trough yeah
29:51inca philly you've bought a quiche i knew what's in there amok is it yeah you had that on the plane
30:03would you love that yeah but you had bechamel sauce i took that off with the paper
30:07dave and his wife shirley it didn't say bechamel sauce it said mature cheddar in with the hock and then
30:16on top more cheddar i read it no i read it in the in-flight no coffee no it didn't i i mature
30:27cheddar with no no and bechamel sauce no it didn't on friday night there was exciting news for wannabe
30:36spooks on itv oh you said stop you sean you're on a diet don't do it back away from the donut sean
30:44are there any biscuits to go with that plate hey love what's that for oh you'll be going home soon
30:53or now i'm not going home yet i want to watch the news bloody shift oh do you know what you
31:01don't have to make me feel welcome you where's my coat you'll be giving me that next oh no don't
31:06bother i'm not going it was good and bad news today for anyone hoping to become an mi6 spy oh and
31:13they found your cv yet no they haven't found me application i put it in i put it in yesterday
31:19on the one hand the agencies opened up a new recruitment site for applications oh you're
31:24gonna play would you fancy that yes on the other it can only be found on the dark web oh what's that
31:32so can you not find it on linkedin no notorious as a hive of insidious and incriminating websites i
31:39thought the dark web was for buying gums and things like that it's the first test of mi6
31:44ah find us on the dark web that's really clever i bet you could get on the dark web using your new
31:49vpn that you got to watch tally abroad i don't know how to get on i use it for legitimate reasons
31:59of course it's really aimed at aspiring agents in hostile states like russia and north korea to get in
32:06touch so they're trying to get spies from different countries to tell us their secrets but i'm not
32:11being funny why are they going to want to tell us ain't that putting them in mortal danger it could be
32:17but if you get paid enough who cares mi6's latest recruitment drive is via a dedicated portal on the
32:24dark web i might go on the dark web tonight where is the dark web anyway well have i got it on my
32:33computer i don't know i've not done it our appeal today is not to russians alone anyone anywhere in
32:41the world with access to sensitive information oh yeah i can really see the taliban logging in from
32:47the hills above afghanistan going i'll sign up for the mi6 website relating to terrorism or hostile
32:54intelligence activity can use the new portal to contact mi6 so this is like snitch book so basically
33:02it's a website where you can go and snitch on your country and not be traced surely they could just do
33:08it on not on dark web they could do it and normally we'll set up a facebook group yeah mi6 are now using
33:14social media platforms to also attract new recruits what's the difference between mr5 and mi6 come
33:21on one number what do you mean can you just like work in the canteen at mi6 do you have to go through
33:29the dark web to get a job there as well so maybe this bab tastes like novichok
33:44in hall can you hear me breathing i'm a bit chesty today do you know i sit a ring go to shop and get
33:53me some maluga honey i've got some lemon and a bottle of lemonade best friends jenny and lee the phone
34:00rings jenny what i'm at the honey how will i yeah i said what do you mean how will i may he said well
34:11the maluga honey's 14.95 and the next one down 3.95 i'm just asking you how how will i get what did you
34:19say not very well i just went 3.95 just get the screen 95. 14 quid i've never heard of what what's
34:27it called yeah maluga where's it from tesco's on sunday night we took to the skies for a nail-biting
34:36ride on that geo finally julie summit from here now top guns right down my street this i've been
34:44out in light aircraft getting flown around it's the bollocks you did one flying lesson exactly what the
34:50taste for it i'm looking forward to this jane top guns the next generation i mean you think you're
34:59bloody tom cruise don't you really you're as short as him i'm taller than him that's where the
35:05resemblance finishes really there's at least an inch and a half between me and him
35:11my name is austin claggett i'm a first lieutenant in the marine corps hi austin he looks like an austin
35:17that all-american jock austin is a good name for a fighter pilot i don't know about claggett yeah
35:23my family definitely knows me as crazy austin crazy austin bloody hell not crazy claggett then
35:30that'd be better crazy claggett's much better i'll just do the things that no one else would
35:36dare do i mean you pretty much have to be a bit of a nut i don't need to do this yeah i think austin
35:42he's confident enough to get his wings you know he can talk the talk but we've got to see whether
35:47he can walk the walk oh straight into bombing jesus this is where they've got to go in close to the
35:57target release the bomb then pull out to the dive or whatever oh this takes a bit of balls this too
36:03you need them for this dry run it's all about staying calm and in control well i couldn't do that
36:08could you could you stay calm and be in control well i won't be in control that's for certain i'm
36:12nervous now and i'm just on the couch last to perform the maneuver is austin come on austin you've
36:18got this austin isn't that what people say now mary yes oh here he goes oh my stomach's going
36:28close he's going in now he's going in now it's a bit lively this isn't he fella
36:37he's breathing hard isn't he oh my god actually quite terrifying that was the first time that i've
36:45been scared oh he's having a little wobbly because he's heading towards the ground at a meteoric rate
36:52he's thinking quite the sobering experience you've got pull up now austin no you've got pull up now
37:03austin come on austin you need to pull up oh my days this is nuts can you imagine going down that quick
37:11yeah a bit like the big dipper at black pole isn't it really no well a bit like it no
37:17after the dry run austin had to do the maneuver again whilst dropping a bomb on a target they need
37:26to release their bombs precisely at the right moment see how do you know when the right moment is they
37:31need to pull up sharply before they reach the altitude limit of 3 000 feet ah they can't go any
37:37lower than that correct yeah that's the hard deck yeah the point of no return everyone for approaching
37:45it's 2.2 here we go god this is the real thing now lee in it hold your nerve no son come on back he's
37:50coming down you're going too low oh oh oh well he's at the target he's off but he's broken the uh the deck
38:04he's got one more chance he's got one more chance he must be really twitchy now don't you think
38:19it's coming in hot again five and a half thousand don't go too low
38:30oh three thousand oh he's near the mark oh go on you're nearly there you're nearly there go for it
38:36now oh he's done it again no he's oh no he's cracking gone low again
38:4917 feet
38:51he got a bull's eye yeah what a low altitude oh my god that's so unfair
38:56it's actually quite heartbreaking because he's done one perfectly not the other
39:06austin's out it's absolutely messed it up oh phil i was like that three times for my driving
39:13listen first time well yeah you shouldn't have done that i'll tell you now if that were me i take
39:17failure really really personally i'd have dealt with it horribly and i'd have made a big scene
39:23i'd have ruminated and talked about it for the next six months every day six months six years you'd be
39:29unbearable in leeds your eyebrows look really good i know my first ever tattoo and it's my
39:38eyebrows i want to touch it you can that's really good isn't it it adds character to your face best
39:45friends danielle and daniella what do you mean i don't know you look like what like a cartoon character
39:51oh like you know i don't know can you just say something nice please it is nice you when you say
39:58when you give people compliments you always tend to stutter because it's so unnatural for you
40:04that you're like nice this week our favorite bunch of bad spies were back on apple tv plus
40:12here we are julie on some property who would have dreamt we'd be living long enough to see another
40:18episode
40:21i tell you who could have been in mi5 who becky potter and sinead yeah they were queen at fbi's
40:31weren't they queen of the fbi yeah dried by fbi social media stalk on your man's netflix all
40:37they'd need is a first name that'd be it and a location
40:41oh here we go shh shh jane shush i haven't said a word it started
40:51this looks dodgy doesn't it does why is it dodgy
40:56hello what did he get out of that van then can i give you a poster for the window oh the bank
41:00doesn't let us be political same sat down on that bench there innit well he's got a bag morning
41:06hope mayor jaffrey can count on your vote oh i have a feeling he's barking up the wrong tree here oh
41:11lovey read the room but mayor jaffrey offers hope whereas what's he getting out of his bag
41:17gimbal wants to make them oh hell that's a tool enough chitter brick man what are you get on the
41:24floor get on the floor oh it's killing everybody can you imagine no
41:37oh i knew it i knew he was gonna get i was gonna say to i bet he get shot in a minute what the
41:45fuck is happening sorry did you see the blood coming out of his head
41:51oh z
41:54eh that was the same van he got the gun out of somebody's definitely got him to do all that
41:59shooting and then killed him oh slow horses it guy what's his name roddy roddy
42:11look like a right knobhead going through town like that you have lean cosmeto no wonder you want
42:16the good as a spy oh my god is that fun again that's the van that we're doing the shootings it is
42:31what the fuck well surely she's a slow ass as well oh so his teammate has just saved his life yeah and
42:36i think frankie was a word that you know what he should be looking for witnesses describe the
42:40shooter as using a shotgun or rifle oh here he is like eating in some greasy spoon watching the
42:48telly having a bit typical well why are you mistaking this from my office well you're also not welcome
42:55or pleasant as ever lamb so many they ran however good for them
42:59off it was deliberate they drew straight at him so shirley thinks that someone's trying to do a hit
43:05on roddy where they happen fan street no cameras suspicious in itself it's what you call sus
43:11white transit van heading east surely we should at least try and track it see shirley's spider
43:16senses are tingling here yeah and she's she's on the right line yeah trust your gut are you going
43:22to take this seriously well i'm glad you asked me that no are you going to take this seriously
43:27fuck off oh my god there's lots of fucks in this lee ain't they he's wanting nothing serious no i don't
43:33a bit later concerned for his safety river and shirley had followed roddy to a nightclub
43:42this is one of your scenes are there isn't it
43:46it's very similar to somewhere i would go to yes they're not playing any pet shop boys tracer no i
43:51no i know i wouldn't like to go in that no juran juran he's cutting some moves or do you call it
44:00shapes shapes darling shapes
44:08she's seen something like what's going on what's going on what's going on what's going on
44:11oh they're going to be getting asked to leave they're having the shoulders fell
44:29don't lose them shirley
44:33bullseye he's gone off in his prius
44:35so it's tonight the night is tonight the night when to become one all right spice girls oh
44:49well i'll have to remember that pick up line no sean don't it's a bit cringe you know i really want
44:53to huh but i have to be i'm pretty early and and i wanted to be special oh ruddy you've been
45:00strung along buddy she's not genuinely in this is she no oh god she's having you on that's a good
45:10tactic if you don't want to snog just put all your fingers in the mouth
45:18that's weird wasn't it yeah that was really weird i think he's ugly
45:23i don't know she don't like him at all look well hang on something's going on
45:33he's heading into his flat
45:39zero fucks on this face that's definitely a honey trap she's double-crossed him
45:44when was the last time you went to a nightclub uh germany 20 23
45:54seriously yeah cologne oh yeah jane oh were you with the little people though yes
46:02and the german hardcore dancers
46:07right so it's not really a nightclub nightclub is it it was nightclub we just happened to take it over
46:14it was a safe nightclub then not with me on the dance floor oh god
46:26they have had an e4 skinful and you can too pucker up and stream made in chelsea any old time
46:32and don't get fomo i already have maps uk is back stream now remember brand new eps come thursday to
46:39sunday at nine on e4 mitchell and webb aren't helping next comedy and they're bound to be some weeks
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