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Finding My Father Season 1 Episode 100
Finding My Father
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Finding My Father
#RealityInsightHub
🎞 Please subscribe to our official channel to watch the full movie for free, as soon as possible. ❤️Reality Insight Hub❤️
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FunTranscript
00:00:00I love you.
00:00:30Oh, my God.
00:02:00Oh, Christmas tree, oh, Christmas tree, that leaves are so unchanging, how often has the Christmas tree afforded me so grandly?
00:02:17Oh, Christmas tree, oh, Christmas tree, much pleasure thou canst give me.
00:02:24You have the time.
00:02:44You do.
00:02:48This is the year.
00:02:49This is the year.
00:02:51Oh, Christmas tree, oh, Christmas tree, oh, Christmas tree, oh, Christmas tree, oh.
00:03:32Kung Pao chicken.
00:03:47Chris, you're at an age now where, as a parent, it's my job to tell you certain facts that you might not want to hear.
00:03:59Go. Relax. We've done this all in school.
00:04:05You have?
00:04:06Yeah. Last year.
00:04:08Oh.
00:04:09Oh.
00:04:12Oh.
00:04:13That is a weight off. I can't tell you.
00:04:16Oh, your face.
00:04:20Don't think I've ever heard you say sperm.
00:04:22What?
00:04:24Oh, God. You want to teach me to put on a contraception?
00:04:27God, no, Chris. No. That's...
00:04:30That's not what this is about.
00:04:32It's about Father Christmas.
00:04:33What do you mean?
00:04:37Is he all right? Did something happen?
00:04:40Yeah. Well, no. I mean...
00:04:43Remember the snow on the roof on Christmas morning?
00:04:47And, um...
00:04:48And the sleigh tracks.
00:04:50And the...
00:04:50The soot in the grate.
00:04:52And the presents under the tree.
00:04:54Well...
00:04:55Well, that was all me.
00:04:59I did that.
00:05:00Your Father Christmas.
00:05:09You've been drawing happiness to billions of children all over the world.
00:05:13No. That's not what I mean.
00:05:15Dad, I'm not being funny, but I really can't see you getting down our chimney.
00:05:19Let alone back off it.
00:05:20I've seen you on the monkey balls.
00:05:22Chris, we had the chimney sealed off before you were born.
00:05:26When we had the gas fire put in.
00:05:28What about the carrots?
00:05:30And the single moat?
00:05:33I suppose that was all you as well, was it?
00:05:36Yes.
00:05:37Obviously.
00:05:39I'm sorry, Chris, but...
00:05:42He isn't real.
00:05:46Father Christmas doesn't exist.
00:05:49I mean, think about it.
00:05:50A billion children.
00:05:52All over the world.
00:05:53I mean, it is physically impossible to deliver that many presents in a single night.
00:05:58You would say that.
00:06:00If you like for the Royal Mail, he probably uses different software.
00:06:05And what software makes a reindeer fly at warped speeds and lights up his hooter?
00:06:12Nothing that's commercially available, but...
00:06:15And how does a man of that girth fit down a chimney?
00:06:19Even if you haven't even got one?
00:06:21And to never be seen?
00:06:24I'm sorry, Chris.
00:06:25Chris, I know this time of year is special to you.
00:06:29But you're old enough now to know the truth.
00:06:31Thanks.
00:06:32Thanks.
00:06:33I don't know.
00:07:03You'd be able to explain it, wouldn't you?
00:07:19If you were here.
00:07:21But you're not.
00:07:25You're probably at Lord's.
00:07:28Or in Norfolk.
00:07:31Or a book library.
00:07:33What's this?
00:07:56Eggman Joe.
00:07:56Eggman Joe.
00:08:00I've had a little time to think about what you said.
00:08:06And I did it.
00:08:08I do.
00:08:09It's been a rough year.
00:08:11Seriously.
00:08:12One for the ages.
00:08:14And it's not like there isn't stiff competition.
00:08:16Professionally, you were laid off, then fired, then you became a postman to be demoted almost immediately to the sorting office.
00:08:28Medically, although it wasn't proved serious in the end, you had to undergo a number of probes that people tended to laugh at rather than feel sorry for you for.
00:08:42It was during that health scare that you lost your place on the pub dance team to a man who was almost double your age.
00:08:49He was so talented.
00:08:51And it's hard to see a way back.
00:08:56Romantically, I'm sorry, but it's been a complete and utter disaster.
00:09:01Miss Bailey, who lives almost opposite, who you like, and I like, even though she teaches me double science.
00:09:08She asked you on a date back in April, and you still haven't called her back.
00:09:13Sorry to interrupt, but is there a point to all this, or are you just trying to boost morale?
00:09:18Yeah.
00:09:18Yeah, there is.
00:09:20And the point is, is that it's only natural after the year you've had to lose a little bit of that Christmas feeling.
00:09:27Oh, Chris, come on, please.
00:09:29To become jaded and cynical.
00:09:31Oh, not this again.
00:09:33Dad, you're wrong.
00:09:35I love you, but you're wrong.
00:09:38Father Christmas is real, and I'm going to prove it to you.
00:10:02Morning, Chris.
00:10:03Morning, Miss.
00:10:08What do I do with this one, mate?
00:10:25Oh, follow me.
00:10:28I'll let you into a little secret.
00:10:29In there.
00:10:48Don't worry, you get used to it.
00:10:53What happens to all the shredded paper?
00:10:54It's put in the back of a blue lorry, and then no one knows.
00:10:57To be fair, we live in such a cynical age, I'm surprised anyone still writes the Father Christmas.
00:11:04My boy does.
00:11:05I thought you said he was 16 and doing his GCSEs.
00:11:09He is.
00:11:09Cryptozoology is essentially the study of creatures that are said to exist, but are unproven, undocumented by science.
00:11:32The creatures that are studied are called cryptids, and people are familiar with Loch Ness, monster, chupacabra, things like that.
00:11:40And within cryptozoology, it just doesn't get any bigger than Bigfoot, because of all cryptids out there, Bigfoot has the most sightings.
00:11:51Sightings by very credible people from the world's life.
00:11:57The fact that this occurred in Alaska, in an area where the population density is like...
00:12:04Fonny!
00:12:05It's me, Chris!
00:12:07Okay, good, yeah, I thought so.
00:12:11And another.
00:12:13And another.
00:12:15Wait, one more.
00:12:18And open sesame.
00:12:19I need a favour.
00:12:36Sorry, love, I'm on break, alright?
00:12:38Look, I'm like a long-distance rowdy driver.
00:12:40I have to take a break every 45 minutes, every four and a half hours.
00:12:42No, no, you're a disgrace.
00:12:43Sorry, it's regulations.
00:12:44Merry Christmas.
00:12:46No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
00:12:48You are banned, okay?
00:12:50No, I told you last year, that was the last year.
00:12:53You're too old for this now, mate.
00:12:54I just want to ask you a question.
00:13:03What's my mic for?
00:13:04Well, I don't do podcasts.
00:13:06I've got my reputation to think about.
00:13:08Yeah.
00:13:08Chris wants to prove to his dad that Father Christmas is real.
00:13:11Oh, my God.
00:13:13How many times do I have to tell you, mate?
00:13:15I'm not Father Christmas, okay?
00:13:17This beard isn't real.
00:13:19And I'm a Muslim.
00:13:22Okay, but what about the paunch?
00:13:24Yeah, the paunch is real.
00:13:25Well, obviously, I know you're not Father Christmas.
00:13:28I'm not stupid.
00:13:30It's only seven more sleeps until the big day.
00:13:33He's not going to be here, is he?
00:13:34This is crunch time.
00:13:36He's got more important things to be doing.
00:13:38What do you want to ask me?
00:13:39Last year, when I was here, I overheard you talking to one of the single mums
00:13:44who was really impressed about how you knew Stephen Fry.
00:13:49You knew Stephen Fry?
00:13:50Yeah.
00:13:51I mean, I wouldn't say he's a close friend, but, yeah.
00:13:54Oh, that is literally what you said?
00:13:55Yeah, he's more of a close friend of, like, a casual acquaintance,
00:13:58but what's that got to do with anything?
00:14:01Stephen Fry is like God to my dad.
00:14:03He will listen to anything he says.
00:14:05I mean, he won't necessarily understand it, but he will listen.
00:14:09So the best way to prove to my dad that Father Christmas is real
00:14:12is to have Stephen Fry say that he is.
00:14:15I just need you to introduce us.
00:14:18Right, I'm going to level with you, okay?
00:14:19Honestly, honestly.
00:14:20I don't really know him that well.
00:14:22Yeah, I feel like you don't know him at all.
00:14:24No.
00:14:24No.
00:14:25Although I did bump into him in a Sainsbury's car park.
00:14:28Shut up.
00:14:29What was he like?
00:14:30He is so nice.
00:14:32And it was my fault, because I was reversing.
00:14:34Didn't realise he was in first gear.
00:14:36Bumped into him.
00:14:36Oh, my God, Stephen Fry.
00:14:38So you bumped into him in a car?
00:14:40Yeah.
00:14:42Did you swap details?
00:14:45Well, no, I think he's married, isn't he?
00:14:47Insurance details?
00:14:48Insurance details, right.
00:14:49He didn't have his details on him, so he wrote his name and address down,
00:14:53and then he put them into my phone.
00:14:55Got it in my phone.
00:14:56Big red bin of shredded dreams coming through.
00:15:14Hello.
00:15:14Oh, Mr. Massey.
00:15:17Yeah?
00:15:18It's Georgina Bailey from the school, and the house are most opposite.
00:15:25Georgina, hi.
00:15:28I'm so glad you called.
00:15:30I've been meaning to call you back.
00:15:32Oh, Nick.
00:15:32No, honestly, I have.
00:15:34It's just been a really hectic couple of eight months.
00:15:37Yeah, that's not the reason that I'm calling.
00:15:41Oh?
00:15:41It's Chris.
00:15:42He didn't come into school today.
00:15:45I wouldn't have called.
00:15:46It's just that I saw him when I left for school this morning, and it looked like he was on
00:15:49the way in.
00:15:51I know it's the last day of terms.
00:15:53Yeah.
00:15:54No, thank you.
00:15:55It's good to know that you're really on it over there.
00:15:59Um, no, um, he actually had a doctor's appointment today, and that's why he couldn't make it in.
00:16:05Yeah, no, it's nothing serious.
00:16:06He's just got a rash on his...
00:16:10It's okay.
00:16:10Don't need to know the details.
00:16:11Okay, listener, so we are currently outside a house of Stephen Fry in a yellow van.
00:16:28Don't...
00:16:28I'm not going to.
00:16:29In fact...
00:16:30What?
00:16:31What are you doing?
00:16:34This way...
00:16:35He can't track you.
00:16:40No, don't.
00:16:41That is really annoying.
00:16:51Not to mention so irresponsible.
00:16:58Hold set.
00:17:00And this is why they tell you to back everything up?
00:17:02In case a stray lunatic decides to literally eat your data.
00:17:08I've seen it happen.
00:17:09Anyway, thanks for me, your dad doesn't have a clue where we are.
00:17:17Well, hello, Uncle Nicholas.
00:17:19I might have known you'd have something to do with this.
00:17:22What even is this?
00:17:23Wait, sorry, can you...
00:17:24Can you do that one more time?
00:17:25I'm just...
00:17:26I forgot to click record.
00:17:27Don't tell me you bumped off school to do a podcast.
00:17:31Is that...
00:17:32What?
00:17:33I don't...
00:17:33I can't see anyone.
00:17:35Who?
00:17:36Who can't you see?
00:17:38Oh.
00:17:39Oh, it's...
00:17:40It's him.
00:17:42Yeah.
00:17:42Oh, it's all right.
00:17:47Breathe.
00:17:47In and out.
00:17:50In and out.
00:17:51Breathe.
00:17:51It's all right.
00:17:52Chris wants to ask Stephen Fry if Father Christmas is real.
00:17:55Oh.
00:17:56Chris, I thought we'd discuss this.
00:17:58We did.
00:17:59And I said that I'd get you proof.
00:18:01This is it.
00:18:02If Stephen Fry says that Father Christmas is real,
00:18:04then perhaps he'll believe me.
00:18:06All right, and if he says he isn't, will you believe me?
00:18:16If I'd have known, I would have put on a different shirt.
00:18:18Okay, you need to calm down.
00:18:20I need the toilet.
00:18:21It's what I need.
00:18:27Oh, I'm sorry.
00:18:28I thought you were cowering this.
00:18:30Good King Wenceslas looked out on the feast of Stephen.
00:18:39Gag, please, and you'll have to wait in the car.
00:18:42Sorry.
00:18:43We're not cowering this.
00:18:44I'm just a huge fan.
00:18:46I've watched everything you've ever done on television.
00:18:48I've listened to all your books, even the one about ties.
00:18:51Isn't that adorable?
00:18:52Well, what impeccable taste you have.
00:18:54Now, if you don't mind, I'm just going to call the police.
00:18:57No, please.
00:18:58We just want to ask you one question.
00:19:00Can I use your toilet?
00:19:01That wasn't it.
00:19:03I'm going to close the door now.
00:19:05Goodbye.
00:19:06Wait.
00:19:09Is Father Christmas real?
00:19:13I'm sorry.
00:19:14What did you say the name was?
00:19:16Father Christmas.
00:19:18You have heard of Father Christmas.
00:19:20Yes.
00:19:21No, I mean, I thought you said...
00:19:23Oh, my goodness, I left the oven on.
00:19:24Goodbye.
00:19:25Stephen, please, it will only take a minute.
00:19:28Come on.
00:19:29It is Christmas.
00:19:37It's just as I imagined it.
00:19:41Is Father Christmas real?
00:19:45In order to deliver all those satsumas and pairs of socks, Father Christmas would have to travel jolly fast.
00:19:52But how jolly?
00:19:53Show your workings, Fry.
00:19:55Certainly, sir.
00:19:56Well, speed, as we know, is distance divided by time.
00:20:04And we calculate distance by seeing the number of households that celebrate Christmas, which is roughly 45% of the population.
00:20:148.2 billion by the average number of people in a household, which is approximately 3.95.
00:20:22That gives us 934,177,215 households.
00:20:36Basically a billion.
00:20:37Basically a billion.
00:20:38Dad, final word.
00:20:40By the global average spacing.
00:20:44So, 186 million kilometers plus change, which is more than 100 return trips to the moon.
00:20:50So, all that distance over time.
00:20:55And how much time does Father Christmas have at his disposal?
00:20:59Well, I'm going to say 30 hours.
00:21:01If you think of when the last children go to sleep on Christmas Island and the first children wake up in American Samoa.
00:21:08It gives us a total of 6,277,848 kilometers per hour.
00:21:20Well, that is jolly fast, like you said.
00:21:25Not as fast as the speed of light, mind you.
00:21:28But, alas, the air assistance alone will be enough to instantly vaporize any normal human being.
00:21:34And actually, these figures are a trifle optimisty because they don't take into account the fact that Father Christmas has to stop a billion times to deliver the actual presence.
00:21:45That means constant acceleration, deceleration, not to mention going down all those chimneys and up them again.
00:21:52It just stretches credibility even further, doesn't it?
00:21:55How does he do that?
00:21:56Especially when there is no chimney.
00:21:57And given the fact that he is, pun intended, widely reported to be generously proportioned.
00:22:04Right, yeah, well, um, thank you, Stephen.
00:22:08It's been really helpful.
00:22:10That's not everything.
00:22:12Well, it's enough to be getting on with, so...
00:22:14What else were you going to say?
00:22:16Nothing really, that was the nub.
00:22:19Please tell me.
00:22:20Well, it's just that, based on the lack of verifiable sightings and bona fide photographic evidence, we have to conclude that Father Christmas does all this while remaining completely invisible.
00:22:35I'd like to go home now, please.
00:22:44Yeah, of course, mate.
00:22:45Yeah, um, let's get you on.
00:22:46Excuse me, Chris.
00:22:59Um, I just wanted to add that until 1903 and the Wright brothers, powered human flight was thought to be impossible.
00:23:11But it wasn't.
00:23:13We just didn't have a proper understanding of aerodynamics and propulsion and three-axis steering.
00:23:20We had to wait for the science to catch up.
00:23:22And what I'm saying is all of that in there might not be impossible.
00:23:28It might just be that we can't explain it.
00:23:31Not yet.
00:23:32But we have to wait until we can see the bigger picture.
00:23:38Oh, and, er, talking pictures, I don't know, I thought perhaps you might like to have this.
00:23:44Scary, we're getting after 20.
00:23:45Oh, I would.
00:23:46Oh, look at that.
00:23:47Wow.
00:23:48Oh, that is the best Christmas present ever.
00:23:52Oh.
00:23:54I feel a bit embarrassed now.
00:23:56Really?
00:23:57There's no reason to be in.
00:23:59If I'd have known, I...
00:24:02Probably wouldn't have taken that.
00:24:08Have you taken anything else?
00:24:20God, Uncle Nicholas.
00:24:21Hello?
00:24:43No.
00:24:44No, I didn't say anything.
00:24:47I promise.
00:24:49In fact, I said the exact opposite.
00:24:52I was very careful.
00:24:54How did I go to the doctors?
00:25:18Yeah, no, it was good. Thanks. Yeah, no, they, um, they gave him a cream.
00:25:29Merry Christmas.
00:25:31Merry eczema.
00:25:38Merry eczema. Xmas. I just got it because of the rash.
00:25:48Merry eczema.
00:26:18Merry eczema.
00:26:39Good night, son.
00:26:40Bye, Dad.
00:26:42Chris, I know you're disappointed, but...
00:26:46this doesn't mean that Christmas is cancelled.
00:26:49We can still do all the other stuff.
00:26:51Everything else will stay exactly the same.
00:26:53Yeah, but it won't be the same, will it?
00:26:56Which comes to 934,177,215 households.
00:27:13So, basically a billion.
00:27:15Basically a billion.
00:27:21We have to wait until we can see the bigger picture.
00:27:26The bigger picture.
00:27:28The bigger picture.
00:27:56The bigger picture.
00:27:57The bigger picture.
00:27:58I believe the bigger picture.
00:27:59The bigger picture.
00:28:00I don't know.
00:28:14But there's no pictures.
00:29:16Who do you say these other people were?
00:29:19Professor Hannah Fry, Professor of the Public Understanding of Mathematics and Serial Podcaster.
00:29:25Dame Maggie, a Darren Pocop, Space Scientist and Honorary Fellow of the British Science Association.
00:29:33Jason Fox, ex-Special Forces and TV personality.
00:29:38Right. And you think, what, they all work for Father Christmas and basically make it possible for him to deliver all those presents to all those children in a single night and not be seen doing it?
00:29:53Yeah. I know it sounds tenuous.
00:29:57I'm in.
00:29:59You have me a tenuous.
00:30:01I know it sounds tenuous.
00:30:31I know.
00:30:35I know it sounds tenuous.
00:30:38You have me a tenuous.
00:30:40I know it sounds tenuous.
00:30:45Professor Hannah Foy?
00:31:04Yeah.
00:31:07Relax, relax.
00:31:08We just want to ask you a couple of questions.
00:31:10Oh, you're doing a podcast.
00:31:12Oh, I love a podcast.
00:31:15We're trying to find proof that Father Christmas is real.
00:31:18Ah, okay.
00:31:19No, I'm sorry.
00:31:20I cannot help you with that.
00:31:29Where did you get this?
00:31:31Journalist never reveals her source.
00:31:33Stephen gave you this, didn't he?
00:31:35Yeah, 100%.
00:31:36Yeah.
00:31:37I'm not a journalist.
00:31:38He's such a blabbermouth.
00:31:39What else did he tell you?
00:31:41Nothing.
00:31:41I find that very difficult to believe.
00:31:45Well, he said that it might not be impossible for Father Christmas to climb down cindies that aren't even there.
00:31:50It's just that we can't explain it yet.
00:31:52Mm-hmm.
00:31:53I mean, he can't explain it yet.
00:31:55Do you know that he failed O-level physics?
00:31:58Does that mean, uh, that you can explain it?
00:32:06Well, yeah.
00:32:07Of course I can explain it.
00:32:08It's just, you know.
00:32:10Yeah, you don't want to.
00:32:11Yeah, I don't want to.
00:32:13I mean, obviously she can.
00:32:15She just doesn't want to.
00:32:16I can actually explain it, guys.
00:32:18No, I believe you.
00:32:19Professor?
00:32:20Excuse me.
00:32:20What are these fake air quotes?
00:32:22I'm an actual professor.
00:32:24Okay, Chris.
00:32:25Come on.
00:32:25Let's go.
00:32:26Oh, haven't you still got that number for Professor Brian Cox?
00:32:29Okay.
00:32:29Yeah, somewhere.
00:32:30Okay.
00:32:30It's macroscopic quantum tunneling.
00:32:34Just remind me what that is again.
00:32:36Okay.
00:32:36So Father Christmas turns himself and his presents into a single quantum object.
00:32:40And that way he can pass through solid walls.
00:32:43Like a ghost?
00:32:44No, nothing like a ghost.
00:32:46This is the quantum world.
00:32:47It's where particles don't exist at a single point.
00:32:50They exist everywhere and nowhere all at once in like a cloud of probability that spreads through space.
00:32:55And that way a particle could be on the roof of a house, but it could also be inside a house underneath a Christmas tree.
00:33:04That's quantum tunneling.
00:33:06I see.
00:33:06And how could you travel fast enough to be able to deliver all those presents in a single night?
00:33:13Well, he's using an Alcubier drive, right?
00:33:15He's engulfing his sleigh in a bubble of Minkowski space.
00:33:19And that way he doesn't need to feel any of the G-forces.
00:33:26Okay.
00:33:27I forgot.
00:33:29Actually, I need to go.
00:33:31I've got a lecture to do.
00:33:32Sorry.
00:33:33Wait.
00:33:33How does he make himself turn invisible?
00:33:37That was weird.
00:33:53I know, right?
00:33:55Since when did the pencil moustache come back into fashion?
00:33:57Before that, I mean.
00:34:00That photograph, it really put her on edge.
00:34:04That's it?
00:34:05We need to talk to the other people in the photograph.
00:34:07That's what we're doing, Holly.
00:34:09You've got to call them.
00:34:11You've got to call them right now.
00:34:12How?
00:34:13I'm going to have a number.
00:34:14Or a SIM card.
00:34:17Oh, sorry, mate.
00:34:17One second.
00:34:18Yeah, I'd better get this.
00:34:20This might be for me.
00:34:22Hello?
00:34:22Hello?
00:34:23Yeah, speaking?
00:34:24Oh, hello, Dame Maggie Adair in Pocock.
00:34:32How did she get your number?
00:34:35No, ask her.
00:34:37Yeah, no, sorry, still here.
00:34:41She wants to meet.
00:34:42I'm not sure this is a good idea.
00:34:59Yeah, that's what makes it a good idea.
00:35:02She wouldn't ask to meet in a place like this unless we were dangerously close to the truth.
00:35:06I feel the Christmas real.
00:35:33Well, he's real, if you believe he's real.
00:35:37That's good enough for me, but my dad wants proof.
00:35:41What makes you think I can help?
00:35:42Oh, Stephen, he can't help himself.
00:35:55Have he met the other two?
00:35:57Professor Hannah Fry, but not Foxy.
00:36:00He's a hard man to find.
00:36:02You don't know where he is.
00:36:03I haven't seen Foxy since this photograph was taken.
00:36:06So, Hannah, what did you two discuss?
00:36:11Oh, just macroscopic quantum tunnelling.
00:36:14It's how far the Christmas gets down the chimneys.
00:36:16Anything else?
00:36:17She touched on the, um, the Alan...
00:36:20Alan Cube...
00:36:21The...
00:36:22The Alan Cube...
00:36:24The Alcubier drive?
00:36:25Yes, the one.
00:36:27And did it make sense?
00:36:28Um, well, I'd be lying if I showed you it all went in.
00:36:32Um, but then I've only predicted a grade three in GTSI maths.
00:36:37It's not that complicated.
00:36:39Let's get that three up to a four.
00:36:42Rather than making Father Christmas travel to every household,
00:36:45the trick is to make every household travel to him.
00:36:49What is she doing?
00:36:51Who keeps a rug in the blue of her car?
00:36:53Now, imagine that this rug represents space and time,
00:36:58but all smooshed together.
00:37:00And it's running from one end of a room...
00:37:03all the way to the other.
00:37:06Would you like to step inside the room?
00:37:08Ah, classic.
00:37:09She wants to roll up a body and dump it in the canal.
00:37:12Now, conventionally, it would take a number of steps
00:37:15to get from one end to the other.
00:37:16But imagine if we could squish up or concertina
00:37:19space and time in front of you, like this.
00:37:23OK, good.
00:37:27False alarm.
00:37:28Teacher's got to teach.
00:37:33So now, you can step from one end of the room to the other
00:37:36in a single step.
00:37:42And if I elongate space and time behind you, like this...
00:37:46You've miraculously got from one end to the other.
00:37:53Wow.
00:37:54That actually makes sense.
00:38:04Well...
00:38:04You can relax.
00:38:07He doesn't know anything.
00:38:08In fact, I'm not even sure he knows that.
00:38:12Good.
00:38:13We have to be careful.
00:38:15The belief is strong with this one.
00:38:17Alcubia Drive, that's sort of like a magic carpet thing.
00:38:31No, the carpet was just a teacher laid.
00:38:35I don't know.
00:38:36It may take my seat, I guess.
00:38:38Sure.
00:38:51Oh!
00:38:52Ooh, pizza!
00:38:53Ooh, wait a minute!
00:38:54Yeah?
00:38:56When did you order pizza?
00:38:57Well, no, I didn't.
00:38:59So what are you doing?
00:39:01What's the point of having all this security
00:39:03if you're just going to open the door to anyone with a pizza?
00:39:06Well, I like pizza, and I also haven't eaten since breakfast, so...
00:39:10Oi!
00:39:11That's weird.
00:39:13He's opened up the pizza box, but there isn't any pizza in it.
00:39:16There's just words.
00:39:18What do you mean?
00:39:19What words?
00:39:20It says,
00:39:21I am here on behalf of Jason Foxy Fock.
00:39:26Why not?
00:39:38Sorry.
00:39:39Sorry.
00:39:39My bad.
00:39:39Sorry.
00:39:40He's telling me we don't have long,
00:39:58but you can talk to Foxy
00:40:00through me.
00:40:03Are you psychic?
00:40:04No.
00:40:05I have a microphone and a camera.
00:40:07Foxy can see us and hear us.
00:40:09Hello, Chris.
00:40:10Hello, Holly.
00:40:11It's Foxy here.
00:40:12I'm really sorry about the tight security,
00:40:14but I can't take no chances.
00:40:16Can't take no chances.
00:40:17They can't know where I am.
00:40:19Who's they?
00:40:20Father Christmas.
00:40:21And his organisation.
00:40:22Shall we feel?
00:40:23Yeah, mate.
00:40:24As real as I am, standing right here.
00:40:27What do they want?
00:40:27Get that photograph out.
00:40:30That was taken at a Channel 4 Christmas party.
00:40:40I thought it was going to be well boring,
00:40:42stuck with them lot all night.
00:40:44But it turns out we had a lot in common,
00:40:46like ideas about Father Christmas
00:40:47and how it is he can do what he does.
00:40:49You know, theoretically.
00:40:51We really got into it
00:40:53and was going to organise a convention and everything.
00:40:55And call it the science of Christmas
00:40:57and use it to get children interested in the subject
00:41:00from a young age.
00:41:02Inspire future generations.
00:41:04We had publishers interested
00:41:05and television people.
00:41:07There was even talk of a podcast.
00:41:08What happened?
00:41:10Father Christmas.
00:41:11He shut us down.
00:41:12I'm not saying he did it personally.
00:41:14But he was definitely involved.
00:41:15What I think did you have?
00:41:17Active camouflage.
00:41:18It's what the big man uses to make himself invisible.
00:41:20His red jumpsuit is actually just an image of a red jumpsuit
00:41:24projected onto a flexible, wearable OLED screen.
00:41:28Hidden cameras constantly film what is around him
00:41:31and then project that on the screen on the opposite side.
00:41:34It's like he's wrapped in a live feed of his immediate environment.
00:41:37It's the same technology James Bond used
00:41:39to make his car invisible in Die Another Day.
00:41:42Why didn't you see it?
00:41:44Exactly.
00:41:46Sorry, that's all I have time for.
00:41:48I've got to take a cake out of the oven.
00:41:50Wait.
00:41:53How do I find Father Christmas?
00:41:56Keep doing it, soldier.
00:41:57That's what I've been trying to tell you.
00:42:00Stay clear.
00:42:01You don't want to get mixed up in this.
00:42:03You don't want to get mixed up in this.
00:42:20Well, that period of time has ended in the lake.
00:42:26One, two, three, four.
00:42:28Blue cuba.
00:42:28I'll get it.
00:42:37It's Georgina.
00:42:54Miss Georgina.
00:42:55Miss Bailey.
00:42:56How do I look?
00:42:58Well, the gear and headlights.
00:43:00Come in.
00:43:00Let the old red bells up holly.
00:43:15Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la.
00:43:18Tis the season to be jolly.
00:43:20Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la.
00:43:23Fill the meat up, drain the barrel.
00:43:26Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la.
00:43:28Trail the ancient Christmas chow.
00:43:31Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la.
00:43:34Fall to be in merry measure.
00:43:37Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la.
00:43:39Barbs to weigh the old year passes.
00:43:42Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la.
00:43:44Hail the lonely lads and lasses.
00:43:47Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la.
00:43:49Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la.
00:43:52Fast away the old year passes.
00:43:55Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la.
00:44:14I can explain.
00:44:21My letter to Father Christmas that I posted.
00:44:24I know.
00:44:25You know that it's a criminal offence to interfere with an envelope that is stamped and addressed.
00:44:30I rescued it.
00:44:31For what?
00:44:32Do you know what happens to letters addressed to Father Christmas?
00:44:35Well, I know what's supposed to happen.
00:44:37They get sent to Father Christmas so we know you've got presents to get.
00:44:40They get shredded.
00:44:42All of them.
00:44:44They're put into a big machine that cuts them up into long thin strips.
00:44:48Which are dumped into big red bins and then stuck on the back of an old blue lorry and taken to God knows where.
00:44:55So you don't know where?
00:44:57I know it's not the North Pole.
00:44:59How do you know?
00:45:00Because I do.
00:45:01You don't.
00:45:03You don't know.
00:45:04You just don't want to believe.
00:45:05You always think that everything is destined to end in disaster.
00:45:22Not everything is destined to end in disaster.
00:45:25Hi, this is Georgina.
00:45:34I can't come to the phone right now, so please leave a message.
00:45:38Hey, Georgina.
00:45:40It's Nick here.
00:45:41Nick.
00:45:42Massey.
00:45:43From the house opposite.
00:45:44Well, it's not really opposite, is it?
00:45:47It's more sort of, I'd say, ten o'clock?
00:45:50It's definitely across the street.
00:45:52It doesn't matter.
00:45:52I'm just returning your call, basically, from April, I think it was, just to say that, yes, I'd really like to go for that drink, if the offer still stands, and that I'm free tonight, if that's not too rash.
00:46:20Nailed it.
00:46:21So, letters to Father Christmas are shredded, put on that blue lorry, and then taken where?
00:46:26That's the reason we're following the blue lorry.
00:46:28Hi, uh, um, yeah, tonight sounds great.
00:46:47Um, I think I can get to you for about, uh, eight o'clock.
00:46:51So, yeah, I guess I'll see you then.
00:46:54Bye.
00:46:55Oh, Chris, before I forget.
00:47:23There you go.
00:47:27You got me a new SIM card?
00:47:29No.
00:47:30That's just the one I swallowed.
00:47:33You wait here.
00:47:35Where are you going?
00:47:36I have an idea.
00:47:37No, no.
00:47:48Can I help you?
00:47:49I don't know.
00:47:50Can you?
00:47:51Well, not unless you tell me what it is you want.
00:47:52No.
00:47:53I'm, uh, I'm here to see Father Christmas.
00:48:01Oh, yeah?
00:48:03Got an appointment?
00:48:06Do I need one?
00:48:09Does this look like the North Pole to you?
00:48:11Hmm?
00:48:12I don't know.
00:48:13I've, I've never been.
00:48:14Yeah.
00:48:15Well, he's not.
00:48:17It's Milton Keynes.
00:48:19Now, clear off.
00:48:20Fair enough.
00:48:21Yep.
00:48:30Okay.
00:48:30Well, yep, he's definitely in there.
00:48:36Father Christmas?
00:48:38How'd you know?
00:48:40Woman's institution, Chris.
00:48:43What now?
00:48:45Plan B.
00:48:51Problem?
00:48:52No, sir.
00:48:54No problem.
00:48:55No problem.
00:49:00Come on.
00:49:02No problem.
00:49:07No problem.
00:49:20Go.
00:49:25Go.
00:49:27Go.
00:49:29Go.
00:49:29Go.
00:49:30Go.
00:49:30Go.
00:49:30Go.
00:49:30Go.
00:49:30Are you sure this is going to work?
00:49:34I don't look anything like a security guard.
00:49:37Yeah, because you haven't put the hat on yet.
00:49:46I know you've just done this before,
00:49:48but I suppose the question is, how many times?
00:49:51I really don't know. It's not like I can count.
00:49:54Like, less than a hundred more than once.
00:49:56You mean twice?
00:49:57Well, you know what they say, but I'm lucky.
00:50:00The first two times failed.
00:50:03Chris, now is really not the time for second thoughts, okay?
00:50:05Do you want to find out if Father Christmas is real or not?
00:50:08Well, yeah, but...
00:50:09Good, because there is a very small chance
00:50:11that he is on the other side of that wall.
00:50:13A very small chance? You say definitely.
00:50:16Definitely a very small chance.
00:50:18Now, you just remember what I told you, yeah?
00:50:20Tuck and roll.
00:50:21You didn't tell me that.
00:50:23Well, I'm telling you now, aren't I? Tuck and roll.
00:50:26Okay, okay. Tuck and roll.
00:50:28Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
00:50:29Wait, wait, wait, wait.
00:50:35Aim for the minnows.
00:50:38Tuck and roll.
00:50:40I got it.
00:50:41I got it.
00:50:42I got it.
00:50:42It works.
00:51:05Stay right where you are.
00:51:13Oh, I'm so sorry, mate.
00:51:30I didn't realise you were one of us.
00:51:34Oh, yeah.
00:51:35Yeah, no, I am.
00:51:36Definitely.
00:51:40Hang on.
00:51:42I don't recognise you.
00:51:46Well, you must be new.
00:51:47That's right.
00:51:51Yeah, yeah, I am.
00:51:52I just, um, just trying to try again.
00:51:55Well, then how come you have a different uniform?
00:52:00Well, it must be from a different branch.
00:52:02Go on, then.
00:52:03Let's have a cup of tea.
00:52:04I'll introduce you to the crazy gang.
00:52:06Oh, no.
00:52:21Uncle Nicholas.
00:52:22Uncle Nicholas.
00:52:23I tried to talk him out of it.
00:52:24I swear.
00:52:25I really did.
00:52:25I really...
00:52:26Are you all right?
00:52:27Hi.
00:52:28But he just...
00:52:29He wouldn't listen.
00:52:29He wouldn't listen.
00:52:31Holly, he said.
00:52:31That is very mature and incredibly level-headed advice,
00:52:34but I will...
00:52:35But I will fundamentally ignore it.
00:52:37Holly?
00:52:37Holly?
00:52:38Slow down.
00:52:39What are you talking about?
00:52:41Where is Chris?
00:52:46Newham Keynes?
00:52:47I don't know what I'm going to do.
00:52:50I'm out of ideas.
00:52:51I mean, he's 16 years old
00:52:53and he still believes in Father Christmas.
00:52:55I think that's good.
00:52:56I don't.
00:52:57I think he's sad and pathetic.
00:53:00He's becoming more and more like his dad each day.
00:53:03At least he believes in something.
00:53:06A lot of people don't.
00:53:08I mean, I don't know.
00:53:09I'm not his parent.
00:53:09You are.
00:53:10But I am his teacher.
00:53:13And what I see is a boy who's bright and curious
00:53:16and tenacious and who shows initiative.
00:53:22Those are all good qualities.
00:53:26And thanks for coming tonight.
00:53:29This wasn't really what I had in mind for our first date.
00:53:34Listen up, everyone.
00:53:36This is Chris.
00:53:37You just transferred in.
00:53:39All right, Chris.
00:53:39Hiya.
00:53:40Chris, this is Danny.
00:53:42Where were you before?
00:53:43Swindon.
00:53:43That's Frank.
00:53:46I didn't know we had an office in Swindon.
00:53:49They wouldn't tell us if they did.
00:53:51You got that, right?
00:53:53Angela.
00:53:53Hi.
00:53:55Come on, then.
00:53:56I'll show you around the kitchen.
00:53:57So that's Robbo, Big Gen and teabag.
00:54:00Cup of tea, Chris.
00:54:01No, no, no.
00:54:19No, children.
00:54:20I need a girlfriend first.
00:54:21Oh, sorry.
00:54:23Go ahead.
00:54:25This is good.
00:54:26So, walk over.
00:54:27Yeah.
00:54:28You haven't seen anyone you're not supposed to on your rounds, have you?
00:54:31Over.
00:54:31No.
00:54:32What kind?
00:54:33Over.
00:54:34I've got a gentleman here.
00:54:35This is a lad Trump leaned over the back wall earlier on tonight.
00:54:38Over.
00:54:39No.
00:54:39Sorry.
00:54:42Hang on a minute.
00:54:43Chris?
00:54:48Yeah?
00:54:49You were around the back earlier.
00:54:51See anything that looked like a young lad?
00:54:54No, no.
00:54:56Not back from Finkel.
00:54:57Sorry, mate.
00:54:58Can't help you.
00:54:59Over and out.
00:55:02It's the toilet.
00:55:03Oh, it's just out there, second on the left.
00:55:09Good kid.
00:55:11Settling in very nicely.
00:55:13Where is he?
00:55:25I'm laughing up and down the way.
00:55:55I'm laughing at you.
00:56:25I'm laughing at you.
00:56:55I'm laughing at you.
00:57:25I'm laughing at you.
00:57:27Down for the chimney with lots of toys.
00:57:30Oh, for the little one's Christmas toys.
00:57:32Ho, ho, ho.
00:57:33Hoo and go.
00:57:35Ho, ho, ho.
00:57:36Hoo and go.
00:57:36Come on.
00:57:37In you go.
00:57:38Actions have consequences.
00:57:44Right.
00:57:44What do you want to say?
00:57:46Sorry.
00:57:47Remember, you have to be specific if you want to sound sincere.
00:57:50I'm sorry I was so heavy-handed.
00:57:55Speak on!
00:57:56I'm sorry I was so heavy-handed.
00:57:59I didn't mean to scare you or put you in danger.
00:58:02Won't happen again.
00:58:04I promise.
00:58:16Right.
00:58:17Off you go.
00:58:18Poor old Ruprecht.
00:58:27His heart's in the right place.
00:58:29And the truth is, well, I couldn't do without him.
00:58:32He takes care of that part of the business,
00:58:33and that leaves me free to do the things that I need to do.
00:58:36Which is a random-ed way of saying,
00:58:38I have no idea who you are,
00:58:40why you're here,
00:58:41why you didn't just write a letter like everyone else.
00:58:44I did.
00:58:46And I'm Chris, by the way.
00:58:48Right.
00:58:49Do you have the letter on you?
00:58:50Yes, I do.
00:58:53Here.
00:58:54Oh.
00:58:57Right.
00:58:59Let me guess.
00:59:00Wireless headphones.
00:59:02A hoodie.
00:59:03A black Namdo's card.
00:59:11All you want for Christmas is
00:59:12for your dad to believe in Father Christmas.
00:59:16He doesn't think you exist.
00:59:19Tell me, Chris.
00:59:21It is Chris, isn't it?
00:59:22Have you, uh...
00:59:25Have you ever seen a magic trick?
00:59:36Were you amazed?
00:59:39I was.
00:59:40What do you think would have happened
00:59:45if the magician had explained the trick to you first?
00:59:49It wouldn't feel like magic.
00:59:52Well, that's the approach we like to take here.
00:59:56Truth is, it helps to have people like your dad out there,
00:59:59the skeptics and non-believers.
01:00:02Makes it more special for the children and those that do believe.
01:00:05And that's the most important thing, wouldn't you agree?
01:00:09Unfortunately, it's getting harder and harder to amaze people.
01:00:13A hundred years ago, the science I had,
01:00:15it was a thousand years ahead of anyone.
01:00:18A decade ago, only a century,
01:00:20and now it's getting closer.
01:00:22The gap is closing fast.
01:00:24The inexorable march of progress.
01:00:27Those people in the photograph,
01:00:29I'm sure they had good intentions,
01:00:32but they were getting dangerously close to the truth.
01:00:35And that would have ruined Christmas for an awful lot of people.
01:00:39But my dad had to step in.
01:00:41Now, I understand
01:00:43that you want to prove to your dad that I'm real
01:00:47and that you were right,
01:00:49but I need to ask you a favor.
01:00:55I need you to keep all of this a secret.
01:00:59You know,
01:01:01to preserve the magic for at least one more generation.
01:01:06Do you think you could do that for me?
01:01:11Well,
01:01:12I can't really say no to Father Christmas, can I?
01:01:15What can I get you instead?
01:01:22How about an air fryer?
01:01:23I've had a run on those.
01:01:27No.
01:01:29I know what I want.
01:01:31Oh.
01:01:45With your science teacher?
01:01:48No, I don't...
01:01:48No, not for me.
01:01:50Oh.
01:01:58Well.
01:02:02It's a little outside my remit,
01:02:04but
01:02:04I'll see what I can do.
01:02:07I'll see what I can do.
01:02:21I'll see what I can do.
01:02:26Yeah.
01:02:26You do know that this is not about Father Christmas, don't you?
01:02:53For either of you.
01:02:56You know, I wouldn't say this out loud, but I was really proud.
01:03:27The way you kept going back there.
01:03:29Now, despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary, you showed real determination.
01:03:40She loved Christmas.
01:03:52Not as much as you, obviously.
01:03:54But it was definitely her favourite time of year.
01:03:58Yeah.
01:03:59I think part of the reason why you wanted to still believe in Father Christmas was because of that.
01:04:08Because Mum and Christmas are so closely associated.
01:04:16It's as if to believe in Father Christmas was to keep the memory of her alive.
01:04:23But you'll never forget her.
01:04:28She'll always be here.
01:04:31And we'll still have a great Christmas.
01:04:33Aren't we?
01:04:34Yeah.
01:04:34Eh?
01:04:34We'll open presents and pull crackers, put up decorations, cook a goose, pretend we like Christmas pudding.
01:04:43The works.
01:04:44Thanks, Dad.
01:04:45I'll love you, son.
01:04:46Dad.
01:04:46Dad.
01:04:47Hmm?
01:04:48I also think that part of the reason that you didn't want me to believe in Father Christmas was because of Mum as well.
01:05:03Well, I don't know, I don't know, because Mum and Christmas are so closely associated that if I still believed in Father Christmas, then it would just be too hard for you to move on for the rest of your life.
01:05:28But you can.
01:05:29You're not going to forget her.
01:05:41That's an interesting call.
01:05:42Yeah.
01:05:49You're all right, mate.
01:05:50Come on, Dad.
01:05:59Come on, Dad.
01:06:29Come on, Dad.
01:06:59How on earth did you get up there?
01:07:08I don't know.
01:07:10It's a Christmas miracle.
01:07:12Yeah, well, as long as it wasn't that trampoline again.
01:07:15Anyway, come on.
01:07:16That goose isn't going to cook itself.
01:07:17Come on.
01:07:19Merry Christmas.
01:07:37Merry Christmas.
01:07:37And we'll get to see if some of that Merry Christmas magic reaches the Bake Off tent as David Mitchell and Olivia Colman join some of their people.
01:08:07The Peep Show co-stars for the great Christmas Bake Off tomorrow, Christmas Day at eight.
01:08:11And talking of Bake Off, Alison Hammond and the mega star Rick Astley join Adam, Josh and Alex for the last leg of Christmas.
01:08:17That's tonight, that's tonight, that's right after our Cats Countdown Christmas special, close out next.
01:08:22Thanks, everybody.
01:08:22We'll see you next time.
01:08:25You're welcome.
01:08:27See you next time.
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