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00:00Merry Christmas!
00:02Merry Christmas!
00:04Thank you!
00:06Thank you!
00:08The power!
00:10Thanks for coming out. Merry Christmas, everyone.
00:12You all right?
00:14OK, so we've got an amazing line-up.
00:16We've got team captains John Richardson and Rob Beckett,
00:18Judy Love, Daisy May Cooper,
00:20Katie Norris, Susie Dent and Rachel Riley.
00:22That's for sure.
00:24CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
00:26Great to have you here.
00:28CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
00:30Christmasy.
00:32CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
00:38OK.
00:40Is everyone all right?
00:42I'm worried I don't look Christmasy enough.
00:44Shall we do this?
00:46Yeah! Yeah!
00:48APPLAUSE
00:58Hello and welcome to the 8 Out Of 10 Cats Does Countdown Christmas special.
01:14A show about letters, numbers, conundrums and Christmas.
01:18OK, let's meet tonight's players.
01:20First up, it's team captain John Richardson.
01:22CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:24CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:26John does look like one of Santa's elves, but the one that works in accounts.
01:30Who would now?
01:32And John's teammate Daisy May Cooper.
01:34CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:36CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:38CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:40John does look like one of Santa's elves, but the one that works in accounts.
01:44LAUGHTER
01:46Who would now?
01:48LAUGHTER
01:49And John's teammate Daisy May Cooper.
01:51CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:53CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:55Daisy claims she once attempted to have sex with a ghost.
01:59I bet that put the willies up here.
02:01LAUGHTER
02:02Up against them this evening, team captain Rob Beckett.
02:05CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
02:09Rob Beckett loves Christmas because of the huge smiles on his kids' faces,
02:13which, sadly for them, are genetic.
02:16LAUGHTER
02:18And joining Rob tonight is Judy Love.
02:21CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
02:24Judy Love attended drama school for four months,
02:27but left after she fell pregnant.
02:29LAUGHTER
02:30And that is as close as Hackney is going to get
02:32to the Nativity story.
02:33LAUGHTER
02:34So you're at drama school and you fell pregnant,
02:36so that's...
02:37Yeah, it was... No.
02:38..that's a hell of an improv session.
02:39It was proper.
02:40It was live, everyone enjoyed it.
02:41It was a different kind of show.
02:43LAUGHTER
02:44Did you do any more acting after that?
02:46We could do an improv moment right now.
02:48OK.
02:49That night...
02:51Yeah.
02:52..it was so special to me.
02:54LAUGHTER
02:57Wait, is he the dad?
02:58Yeah.
02:59LAUGHTER
03:00John, have you ever been asked to turn on a town's Christmas lights?
03:04You sound very unwell, Jimmy.
03:06The voice box is the only thing you haven't had replaced,
03:09and now look.
03:10LAUGHTER
03:12Yeah, I did a few last year, actually, but none of them have asked me back.
03:18I hooked them all up to sparkmeters.
03:21LAUGHTER
03:22I had a few booked in this year, but then Andrew became available.
03:27LAUGHTER
03:29You can't beat a royal who wants to work cash in hand.
03:32LAUGHTER
03:34All right, Daisy, what was it like growing up with your brother Charlie?
03:38Traumatic.
03:39Christmases were very traumatic.
03:41Our great nan came to stay with us one Christmas.
03:44I was about eight, Charlie was about five,
03:47and we had bunk beds.
03:49Christmas Eve, we heard the door open and we thought,
03:52oh, my God, it's Santa Claus.
03:53Right.
03:54And it wasn't.
03:55It was our great nan, who was naked,
03:58sleepwalking with night terrors, right?
04:01She just walked into our room and screamed.
04:04LAUGHTER
04:05Horrendous.
04:06So what part of her made you think it was Father Christmas?
04:12The long beard.
04:13The long beard.
04:14LAUGHTER
04:16It was awful.
04:18It was horrible.
04:19Rob, what element of Christmas would you ban?
04:22I would ban The Snowman.
04:24The depressing cartoon?
04:25Yeah, that.
04:26It's on every year.
04:27Why?
04:28Oh, it's shit.
04:29LAUGHTER
04:31It's a shit drawing.
04:32Like, we've got Moana now.
04:34Proper CGI.
04:35LAUGHTER
04:36Animations moved on.
04:37I don't want to watch something worse at the special time.
04:39Do you know what I mean?
04:40So, yeah, I'll get rid of The Snowman.
04:43Sorry, I've upset the entire nation.
04:45LAUGHTER
04:46Do you like The Snowman?
04:47Yeah, I do.
04:48Yes!
04:49He dies at the end.
04:50Do you not like that bit when he dies?
04:51He dies?
04:52Yeah.
04:53Oh, I'll watch it this year.
04:54LAUGHTER
04:55Judy, are you a good cook?
04:57Do you do Christmas dinner?
04:58Yeah, it depends on whether, you know, the spirit takes me.
05:01The spirit is called rum.
05:03LAUGHTER
05:05Your food situation at Christmas, we've spoke about this before,
05:07is mental.
05:08How much food do you make?
05:09I mean, we do everything.
05:10We do rice and peas, then we do plain rice, then we do curry goat,
05:13then we do jerk chicken, then we have fried chicken.
05:15But in the morning we have fried fish, escolar fish with Ardo bread,
05:19we might have ackee and saltfish, then we kind of add our
05:21little British culture, which is a bit of toast.
05:24And then...
05:25LAUGHTER
05:28Then we have dessert, we've got the black cake,
05:30we've got everything, fruits and cream.
05:32It feels like you could cut the plain rice course.
05:34Oh, no, no, no, no.
05:36This is a Jamaican house course, there's nothing plain in it.
05:38Even the plain white rice is seasoned.
05:40It's washed, it's got salt, it's got butter.
05:42You put a bit of lime.
05:44Oh, let's not go there, white people, please!
05:46LAUGHTER
05:48You wash it, and then you let it bubble up,
05:50and you put butter and you put salt.
05:52You put a bit of thyme, and I like to, with my plain white rice,
05:55I get a Scotch bonnet when it's simmering,
05:57and I put the Scotch pot in the middle and just let it simmer down.
05:59Don't let it burst.
06:00Let me tell you something, you will never...
06:02Like they say, once you go black, you don't go back.
06:04Once you go white rice with a Scotch bonnet,
06:07you won't go back, I'm telling you.
06:09Try it, people!
06:10Sounds good, sounds good.
06:11Thank you, thank you for the one clap.
06:13LAUGHTER
06:15OK, John, have you got a mascot?
06:16I have.
06:17What have you got?
06:18Erm, well, it's all about Christmas traditions.
06:20For me, the best tradition of Christmas
06:22is when you get your Christmas morning bin bag.
06:25LAUGHTER
06:28APPLAUSE
06:30Yes.
06:35I'd start looking for mine about September.
06:38I'd start filling it with that suit.
06:40LAUGHTER
06:42So, you know, you've got to start thinking about
06:44what sort of load it's going to take,
06:46what thickness of bag you want.
06:48You know, you get the wrong Christmas bag,
06:49and the kids have been up at R5,
06:50your three Christmas bin bags in by six o'clock,
06:52you ain't coming back from that.
06:53Yeah.
06:54Christmas day's over.
06:55Is that a heavy duty?
06:56It's not full heavy duty, no,
06:57cos then I think there's too much heft to it.
06:59Right.
07:00And it sort of takes...
07:01You want the crinkle.
07:02Yeah, yeah.
07:03Some of that...
07:04Some of that Christmas...
07:05Are you struggling with that?
07:06I am struggling a little bit.
07:07LAUGHTER
07:08I don't think you picked the right bag!
07:12Oh!
07:13LAUGHTER
07:14Oh, I like that!
07:15Don't criticise his black bag!
07:16No!
07:17I've been having Christmas bags for years.
07:19You always remember...
07:20Oh, I get emotional looking at this picture.
07:22Your first Christmas bin bag is, erm...
07:25It's a real thing.
07:26Is that...
07:27Is that really you?
07:30That's me, yeah.
07:31Which one?
07:32LAUGHTER
07:33Yeah, my sister's in that picture,
07:37but the, erm...
07:38The team have taken their decision to edit her out
07:40and put the bag where she was stood.
07:42So that's a...
07:43That's a conversation we'll have at my real family Christmas.
07:46LAUGHTER
07:47Er, Daisy, have you got a mascot?
07:49Do you want to bring him out?
07:51Oh, this is my son Benji, dressed as a Christmas pudding.
07:54Aw!
07:56Thank you, babe.
07:57Aw, hello, Poppet!
07:59He...
08:00Erm...
08:01Yeah, I...
08:02It's only because I sort of fucked up a bit with childcare.
08:05LAUGHTER
08:07I said, can I bring him?
08:10And they said, fine.
08:11And they said, have you bought a mascot?
08:13And I said, no.
08:14You'd be a bit scared of Jimmy earlier, won't you, Jimmy?
08:18LAUGHTER
08:19Because he's not the Grinch.
08:21LAUGHTER
08:22Look, there he is.
08:23He's a nice man.
08:24You wave to him.
08:25Stop it.
08:26Hello!
08:27LAUGHTER
08:28Hi!
08:29How old are you?
08:30You are 17 months.
08:3217 months?
08:33Yeah.
08:34Well, talk me through the conception.
08:36LAUGHTER
08:37It was really great, actually.
08:39LAUGHTER
08:40In a travelodge.
08:42LAUGHTER
08:43Really, yeah.
08:44It...
08:45I've had the best times there.
08:47Straight talk.
08:48Are you 100% sure that's not Rob Beckett?
08:51LAUGHTER
08:53Show us your teeth.
08:55LAUGHTER
08:57Thanks, darling.
08:58He's not going to bite you, the nasty man.
09:01Can I ask you...
09:02Oh, darling, I'm so sorry.
09:04He doesn't want to go past it.
09:05And you've picked up a child before, have you?
09:07LAUGHTER
09:09LAUGHTER
09:10You know...
09:11APPLAUSE
09:13Judy, have you got a mascot?
09:15I have got a mascot.
09:17My Jamaican Crackers.
09:19LAUGHTER
09:21Yeah, I'm Jamaican, if you didn't know.
09:23It just brings you into, like, my kind of household
09:26and my vibes, with different words and stuff
09:28that I can teach you.
09:29OK.
09:30So, put it open.
09:31Whoo!
09:32LAUGHTER
09:33Now, can you read what that says?
09:35With your best Jamaican accent.
09:38Oh.
09:41Bye, Rob.
09:42LAUGHTER
09:43Lickle more?
09:45Yes! Lickle more.
09:46Lickle more?
09:47Do you know what that means?
09:48A little more?
09:49Lick it more.
09:50Oh.
09:51No, it doesn't.
09:52No.
09:53Lickle more, yeah, it means a little more.
09:54Lickle more.
09:55Or you could say in the same thing, like,
09:57I'll see you soon.
09:58Lickle more.
09:59Lickle more?
10:00A gunfinger?
10:01All right, there, Rob.
10:02OK.
10:03Just got carried on.
10:04It's definitely cancelled after that.
10:06Whoo!
10:07Go on and take it.
10:08Merry Christmas, sorry.
10:09Let's see if...
10:10Good one.
10:11Let's see if John...
10:12Let's give it to John.
10:13Yeah, say that.
10:14Go on, John.
10:15Yeah.
10:16Me-day-ya.
10:17Me-day-ya.
10:18Say it faster, though.
10:19Me-day-ya.
10:20Me-day-ya.
10:21Where are you?
10:22Me-day-ya.
10:23Me-day-ya.
10:24You can't see me here.
10:25Me-here.
10:26You're there.
10:27Yeah!
10:28Yeah!
10:29Say it with your chest, though, John.
10:30Me-day-ya.
10:31I'm right here, Judy.
10:32You've missed that.
10:33Me-day-ya.
10:34Me-day-ya.
10:35Where are you there, John?
10:36John?
10:37Me-day-ya.
10:38Yeah!
10:39But, Jimmy, I will say, you definitely know your language,
10:45because the other one is usually wagwana.
10:48You said it before even being bumped.
10:49Wagwana.
10:50So, big up yourself, Jimmy.
10:52Sometimes look at me like I'm some sort of bumper car.
10:58Yeah!
11:05Rob, have you got a mascot?
11:06Can it not be racist?
11:07The answer's yes and then no.
11:10Yeah, I do have a mascot.
11:13What I've got is, I was getting the Christmas decorations out the loft,
11:16as you do, and I stumbled across a box full of Christmas presents
11:20that I've got my wife and Lou in the past that she's never used.
11:23These are presents you bought for the good lady?
11:26These are presents I've bought for my wife that she doesn't want,
11:28and I think she's bang out of order.
11:34It's already good.
11:35She's into arts and crafts.
11:37I've got her a seven-piece chisel set.
11:41This was a good one.
11:43Wood varnish.
11:46She kept on saying she wanted that fence painted, so I got this.
11:49She'd fuck all with it.
11:52We wanted to try and spice things up in the bedroom.
11:54Right.
11:55You know, you're married, you sort of think...
11:57I don't know.
11:58So I got a little outfit.
11:59You don't know?
12:00What about spicing the things up in the bedroom?
12:02I'm not married.
12:03You don't have plain sex with a scotch bonnet in the middle, do you?
12:12Anyway, so I thought I'll get her an outfit to wear for a bit of sexy time,
12:16so I got her this.
12:20But I thought that might be quite nice, a bit of role-play.
12:22She never wore it.
12:23It's a little piss-take.
12:24It's a beautiful gift.
12:25You know, this one, she didn't want this one either.
12:27A bottle of champagne.
12:28What could be the problem with a bottle of champagne?
12:30Oh, that's nice.
12:31You know.
12:32What's to say on the label?
12:33Good job.
12:34Thanks for all your hard work on the BAFTAs.
12:40What are you going to do, mate?
12:43Jimmy, I'll have the wood varnish.
12:44She's due a...
12:45You're due a recap.
12:50Over in Dictionary Corner, it's Katie Norris.
12:52Thank you, sir.
12:54Merry Christmas, Jimmy.
12:56Well, Merry Christmas to you.
12:57It's your first time on the show.
12:58Tell us a little bit about yourself.
12:59My name's Katie, and people often think I've got divorced woman energy.
13:05I've actually never been married.
13:08And I'm not a mum, just a woman with a tight snatch,
13:10a loose tongue and a social lie.
13:13Can I just get a bit of commotion for the outfit?
13:15Yeah.
13:22So I only wear this for special occasions.
13:24There was a bit of an issue with the crotch, though,
13:26because it started to erode.
13:29But the designers sewed into my crotch a professor's elbow.
13:33You know, like a suede patch.
13:35Which does feel quite funny to me,
13:37because I'm not used to feeling a professor's elbow down there.
13:40But...
13:41I wanted to feel confident.
13:45Could you tell us less about yourself?
13:49I've got a gift for you, Jimmy.
13:51Excellent. Christmas.
13:52It took me eight and a half hours.
13:53So I've recently trained to become a taxidermist.
13:58Oh...
14:01This is Boo.
14:02Oh.
14:03Boo Radley.
14:04I mean, Boo Boo's showing her Boo Boo.
14:06Like...
14:07That's her Boo Boo.
14:08Yeah.
14:09It's a squirrel's elbow down there.
14:13And with Katie, of course, it's Susie Dent.
14:16CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
14:19Susie's books make a great last-minute Christmas gift
14:21for people you don't like.
14:23LAUGHTER
14:25What's your favourite festive word, Susie?
14:27Oh, wonder clout.
14:29And a wonder clout is something that looks really promising.
14:33You think it's going to be great
14:34and it ends up being really disappointing.
14:37Oh, I got one of those.
14:38Yeah.
14:40Yeah.
14:41Actually, there is in wrestling,
14:42there is a Christmas hold,
14:44which is when one wrestler gets the other by the crotch,
14:47and so it's a handful of nuts.
14:49I think that's what your squirrel has.
14:51Was that nuts on the squirrel, then,
14:52or a bulky vagina?
14:54No, these are nuts.
14:55Nuts.
14:57Did you just ask,
14:58was it nuts or a bulky vagina?
15:03That's a fair question.
15:04No, I don't.
15:05I don't think we're using the phrase
15:06bulky vagina nut on our Christmas show.
15:10And in charge of the numbers, it's Rachel Riley.
15:12CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
15:18I'm not saying Rachel's Christmas dress is short,
15:20but I think I can see her grotto.
15:22LAUGHTER
15:25It's not bulky, either.
15:27LAUGHTER
15:32Thanks for sharing.
15:33Merry Christmas.
15:35Rachel, what is your favourite Christmas statistic?
15:38You know how people put food out for Santa and the reindeer,
15:41so some people put milk out?
15:43Apparently in the UK,
15:441.3 million cans of beer get put out for Santa on Christmas Eve,
15:47which is about 2.5 million units of alcohol,
15:50so Santa's about 600,000 times the drink drive limit
15:54when he's going around up there.
15:57So you can't even read that naughty list,
15:59which explains why my little one gets presents every year
16:01and she's an absolute shit.
16:03LAUGHTER
16:04OK, and the prize the teams will be competing for tonight
16:08is definitely not an elf on a shelf.
16:10For legal reasons, it's the Countdown elf upon a mantelpiece.
16:14LAUGHTER
16:15Thanks for lending him the gear, John.
16:16LAUGHTER
16:17OK, let's Countdown, everyone.
16:32Time for our first game.
16:34Rob, Judy, you get first poke of the letters.
16:36Consonant.
16:38Thank you, Judy.
16:39R.
16:40You pick a pick.
16:41Can I get a vowel, please?
16:42Yeah.
16:43Oat.
16:44Can I have a vowel, please?
16:46E.
16:48Consonant, please.
16:49N.
16:50Am I still going?
16:51Yeah, it looks like it.
16:52LAUGHTER
16:53Another consonant, please.
16:54C.
16:55Vowel.
16:56You...
16:57Do you want to go? No?
16:58Vowel.
16:59No, do you want to start writing it down, then?
17:01Oh, I thought I was saying that you was writing it.
17:03Vowel, please.
17:05Are you sure?
17:06Er, I wasn't, but now I am, just to piss you off, yeah.
17:09LAUGHTER
17:10And then, er, fuck it, another vowel.
17:12Yeah.
17:13LAUGHTER
17:14I'm overruling.
17:15That would have a consonant.
17:16Yeah, let's have four consonants on this game.
17:17It's T.
17:18Oh, I see a word.
17:19Oh, yeah.
17:20LAUGHTER
17:21Merry Christmas, everyone.
17:22And for the first time today, here's the countdown clock.
17:23It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas.
17:24Ooh.
17:25Everywhere you go.
17:26Take a look in the five and ten.
17:27Listening once again.
17:28Candy canes and silver lanes aglow.
17:29It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas.
17:30It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas.
17:31Ooh.
17:32It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas.
17:33Ooh.
17:34It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas.
17:35Ooh.
17:36Everywhere you go.
17:37Take a look in the five and ten.
17:38Listening once again.
17:39I'm wrong.
17:40It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas.
17:41Ooh.
17:42Everywhere you go.
17:43Take a look in the five and ten.
17:44Listening once again.
17:45I'm wrong.
17:46I'm wrong.
17:47I'm wrong.
17:48It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas.
17:49It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas.
17:50Toys in every store.
17:51It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas.
17:56It's quite hard to read.
18:00But the prettiest sight to see is the holly that will be on your own front door.
18:09Front door.
18:16Rob, what have you got?
18:18A four.
18:20Judy, how many?
18:21Seven.
18:22Seven?
18:23Yeah.
18:24Daisy, how many?
18:25I got six.
18:26OK.
18:27John?
18:28Seven.
18:29Rob, what is your broadcastable four-letter word?
18:31Car.
18:32Daisy, you're six.
18:33Toucan.
18:34Mm, nice.
18:35Judy, you're seven.
18:37Counter.
18:38Oh, my God.
18:41Oh, wow.
18:43And, John, your seven?
18:45Cartoon.
18:47Oh!
18:48Oh, my goodness.
18:50Wow.
18:51Seven points to both teams.
18:53Katie, Susie, what could they have had?
18:55Well, you could have had an eight.
18:57Ah!
18:58Courant.
18:59It's a 16th-century court dance.
19:02Short steps forward, short steps back.
19:04It's a bit mincing.
19:05I think you'd be quite good at this, Jimmy.
19:08Christmassy.
19:09Very Christmassy.
19:10Nice.
19:11So, at the end of that, both teams have seven points.
19:12Well done, Judy.
19:14OK, on to our first numbers round.
19:16John, Daisy, your turn to pick the numbers.
19:18Would you like to pick the numbers?
19:19No.
19:21Two big ones, please.
19:23Three, three, five, four, 50 and 75.
19:29And the target, 667.
19:32OK, and your time starts now.
19:34Now.
19:35.
19:37.
19:41.
19:45.
19:47.
19:49.
20:05OK, so the target was 667.
20:08Rob, did you get it?
20:10I got 669, so no.
20:13Judy, did you get it?
20:14No.
20:15Daisy, did you get it?
20:16I got nine.
20:17.
20:18.
20:19I've written five plus four equals nine question mark.
20:23.
20:24Judy done that as 33, not two lots of three.
20:28.
20:29.
20:30LAUGHTER
20:31John, did you get it?
20:32Uh, 666.
20:33Oh.
20:34Ohhh.
20:35.
20:36Ooh, the number east.
20:37Mm-hmm.
20:38For Christmas, John.
20:39How could you?
20:40How did you do it?
20:415 plus 4 is nine.
20:43Mm-hmm.
20:44Satanic.
20:4575.
20:46Evil.
20:47675.
20:48And then, three threes are nine.
20:49Mm-hmm.
20:50Take it away.
20:51666.
20:52Wow.
20:53Seven points to John.
20:54appropriation.
20:56.
20:58Rachel could it be done it could if you say four times three is 12 times 50 is
21:06600 yeah, and then add the 75 yes for yeah
21:13Okay, so Rob and Judy have seven John and Daisy have 14 points
21:20And here is your teaser the words are I rub snow and the clue is the thicker the better that's I rub snow the thicker the better
21:27See you after the break
21:45Welcome back the answer to the teaser the words were I rub snow the clue was the thicker the better it was of course
21:51Unibrows so John and Daisy are in the lead
21:55They've been playing in team so far for this game. He's just for Rob and Daisy so Daisy your turn to choose
22:03I think this is the moment where we can get our points
22:08You and oh and the rest the other ones
22:15Thanks for taking such an interest
22:17and
22:20Another s
22:22Another Wow
22:25Okay, and your time starts now
22:27Just see those sleigh bells
22:30Ring ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding
23:00Oh
23:05This is this is a sweet ride
23:11I've got presents
23:14Who's that for me or Rob that's first for you can I open it?
23:17Yeah, I think that's basically like oh my god. It's all I need
23:24How about the first facelift
23:30Oh
23:37Daisy I get you that I thought you oh
23:41My gosh, oh
23:44Yes
23:47They're not like it's not like posed or cheesy. It's just I
23:52Could talk you through them. They're just candy. Oh January. Yes. I mean Jimmy. Why don't I get one of those?
23:58Because I fancy Jimmy. I really fancy him. Yeah, I can't talk when he's there
24:04What is he like about him? I just think he's really fit
24:11Which one of his faces do you like most?
24:16What's your biggest fantasy about Jimmy? What's your biggest fantasy?
24:20He says don't worry about the maths bit and we just get it on into the desk
24:30The thing is he's gonna use that when he's about 90 still doing TV
24:36Himself in the studio like Elton John in a tracksuit
24:39Oh
24:47Do you want to?
24:50We'll come for a right. I would love that. Yes. Why not? Oh, are you getting in with him? Can you do the maths bit?
24:56Yeah
24:58Yeah
25:00Yeah
25:02Yeah
25:04Yeah
25:06Oh
25:12Daisy
25:14Oh
25:16Oh
25:18Oh my god, you're stupid and sick
25:20There you go
25:21Oh fuck
25:21He's on route to accept all odds
25:24Oh, Daisy, how many?
25:26What?
25:29Oh, right, yes, letters
25:31Do you remember the countdown?
25:32I got snogs
25:34You got snogs?
25:37Did you?
25:38You got snogs?
25:39I'm not be frightened
25:40I'm not be frightened
25:41No
25:42You got snogs, OK. Rob?
25:43I got five. Guess
25:46Yes.
25:47OK, guess?
26:01Pretty good.
26:03I'm gonna have to drop you home
26:05LAUGHTER
26:07Oh, I love this.
26:08That doesn't sound great, does it?
26:12Do you know, I lost my virginity in a Cleo.
26:14LAUGHTER
26:22Five points to both teams.
26:30Nice little Christmas drive.
26:32It was, isn't it? Good.
26:34That's fine.
26:37The Bipolar Express.
26:39LAUGHTER
26:46Katie, Susie?
26:47Negusses.
26:48What?
26:48Negusses.
26:49Negusses.
26:51Yes, they are hot toddies.
26:52Hot drinks, port sugar, lemon and spice, perfect for Christmas,
26:55named after Colonel Francis Neguss, who created it.
26:58So, at the end of that, Rob and Judy have 12 points,
27:01John and Daisy have 19.
27:03APPLAUSE
27:07Well, it says here now it's time for John and Judy to go head-to-head
27:11in the maths, but is there any point of that?
27:14Shall we just...?
27:15LAUGHTER
27:16Judy, your turn to pick the numbers.
27:18Three small and three big numbers.
27:20Three and three. We've got balance. Here we go.
27:23We've got ten, five, three, seventy-five, one hundred and fifty.
27:29And the target, nine hundred and fifty-seven.
27:31Woo!
27:32Your time starts now.
27:37Click-clocking's turning me off.
27:45Help me.
27:46What's your name?
27:47LAUGHTER
27:48OK, so the target was nine, five, seven.
28:06John, did you get it?
28:08I think I got nine, five, three.
28:10Judy, did you get it?
28:11Yeah.
28:12Rachel, take it easy. Judy's got this.
28:14OK.
28:15What did Judy do on the board?
28:16LAUGHTER
28:18Don't point Rachel right out again.
28:20CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
28:22CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
28:26LAUGHTER
28:28LAUGHTER
28:30Can I just make sure that Judy can't see Rachel's clipboard,
28:32just because I think they've probably both got it?
28:34Oh, you're a petty, petty man.
28:36I just...
28:37Please keep making sure that Judy doesn't see the answers
28:40because I would like to have a seven point!
28:43Because they are the rules!
28:45Fuck off!
28:46LAUGHTER
28:47Now it feels like Christmas.
28:49APPLAUSE
28:51I did ten times...
28:53..75.
28:55Yeah, is...
28:57..which is 750.
28:59Five and...
29:01..and eight and three.
29:03Right?
29:04Hold on, and I added 100.
29:07That makes what?
29:08Eight, 70.
29:10No, 50.
29:11What?
29:12Hold on.
29:13LAUGHTER
29:14No, two times frifty.
29:19That made nine, seven, five.
29:22And then I took the eight away,
29:24and then I took away the ten.
29:25LAUGHTER
29:28Nine, fifty-seven.
29:30APPLAUSE
29:31NUMBERS, there's NUMBERS, I used the NUMBERS.
29:35Well, there isn't a two up there.
29:37Huh?
29:38Where was there a two?
29:38Who said anything about two?
29:40LAUGHTER
29:4150 times two.
29:42I don't know where...
29:43You need to sort your maths out, babes.
29:46LAUGHTER
29:47John, what did you get again?
29:48Nine, five, three.
29:49Go on, how did you do it for seven points?
29:51100 minus five...
29:5395.
29:5410 times ten.
29:55950.
29:56Add three.
29:57953, seven points.
29:58Oh!
30:00Sorry!
30:01APPLAUSE
30:02I know how I've got 920.
30:04Wait, hold on.
30:05No.
30:06Ten times...
30:07Can I just...
30:08No.
30:09Happy New Year!
30:10Yes!
30:11LAUGHTER
30:12APPLAUSE
30:13Rachel, could it be done?
30:18If you say 75 plus five is 80, 100 over 50 is two,
30:24and it's in ten for 12, ties them together for 960
30:28and take away the three, there you go.
30:30I see it.
30:31APPLAUSE
30:33OK, time now to go across to Dictionary Corner.
30:39Katie, what have you got for us?
30:41Well, Jimmy, I'm a female comedian, so men are terrified of me.
30:44I don't know why.
30:46You know, all I'm thinking when I meet a shy, introverted man
30:49in his mid-thirties is,
30:50Speak up, you little simp.
30:52LAUGHTER
30:53What do you mean you don't know how to drive?
30:54LAUGHTER
30:55Do you drive?
30:57I'm driven.
30:58LAUGHTER
31:00APPLAUSE
31:03APPLAUSE
31:05So, I'm actually, er...
31:07I'm taking a short break from dating at the moment
31:09to focus on my career as a godmother.
31:11I love being a godmother,
31:11because you don't just spread your legs
31:12and become a godmother, do you?
31:14LAUGHTER
31:16You're chosen.
31:17LAUGHTER
31:20Right, I think I'm going to sing now.
31:21LAUGHTER
31:23Now, Countdown.
31:27Where would anybody want to become a godmother?
31:30Well, I'll tell you, darlings, it's the power, it's the prestige.
31:33Come with me to the bottom of the garden,
31:36let's go see the toads.
31:39Each of them used to be my boyfriend.
31:42What is one of those?
31:44A suitor, a sweetheart, a fella, or a fellow.
31:48Just make sure they're not a DJ of the techno.
31:50What's a DJ?
31:52A boy who cannot love.
31:53Now, may I introduce you to Geordie?
31:55This toad is Simon, his pits were always smelly.
31:58Little Jason Hill I took come upon my belly.
32:01Racist, sexist, cute and dry, poor Charlie had a chode.
32:04And this one's just a regular toad.
32:06I'm your godmother now, listen to my tales.
32:09Eat my wordy warnings, my magic never fails.
32:12God, Mummy, Katie, Biddle, Diddle, Dom, I am brilliant, amazing woman.
32:18Then why aren't you married, Auntie Katie?
32:21LAUGHTER
32:24CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
32:30CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
32:33Oh, thank you.
32:35So, I did sing that to my godson, Jasper, who's five.
32:38And he looked up at me and he said,
32:40Katie, do you have friends?
32:42LAUGHTER
32:44He said, yeah, Jasper, I've got loads of friends
32:46because I don't have any children.
32:47LAUGHTER
32:48LAUGHTER
32:50APPLAUSE
32:52Katie Norris, everyone.
32:54CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
32:55OK, so, Rob and Judy have 12 points,
32:58John and Daisy have 26.
33:00CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
33:01Wow, Dad!
33:02APPLAUSE
33:04And here is your teaser. The words are elf's tits.
33:07The clue is, which way are they leaning?
33:10That's elf's tits. Which way are they leaning?
33:12See you after the break.
33:13CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
33:14Welcome back. The answer to the teaser. The words were,
33:31elf's tits. The clue was, which way are they leaning?
33:34It was, of course, leftists.
33:36OK, before we go on, he's not on the show tonight,
33:39but he's turned up anyway. It's Joe Wilkinson.
33:41LAUGHTER
33:42APPLAUSE
33:43APPLAUSE
33:44APPLAUSE
34:04Right, Jimmy.
34:05LAUGHTER
34:06Just bought some eggnog.
34:08Cos I love eggnog, so...
34:10LAUGHTER
34:10What, Merry Christmas?
34:13Oh, what's...
34:15Er... Joe... Er...
34:19Joe? Joe?
34:23Although, it can make my head swell up.
34:27Basically, I'll be honest, I'm eggnog intolerant.
34:33But it's Christmas, so you can't not have eggnog, can you?
34:37You weren't drinking quite a lot of eggnog, there.
34:40Fabio, I'm bringing on a bit more eggnog, come out, eggnog!
34:56Thank you, mate.
35:04Joe, what's going on?
35:06Oh, you're wondering why, um,
35:08Fabio brings his eggnog in his motorcycle sidecar?
35:12Yeah.
35:13Because he's a fucking idiot.
35:22What's happening?
35:23Oh, John's upset. Oh, right, yeah.
35:25I know, it's John's upset. I know what's going on here.
35:28He can sense when someone thinks they can drink more eggnog than me.
35:36It's his gift.
35:37Well...
35:40John, can you reckon you can drink more eggnog than me?
35:42Well, all right, let's put your money where your mouth is.
35:44Let's play a little game I like to call,
35:46Can you drink more eggnog than me?
35:48Can you drink more eggnog than me?
35:50Can you drink more eggnog than me?
35:52Can you drink more eggnog than me?
36:00It's a simple game, John.
36:02Let's just see if you can drink more eggnog than me.
36:04Are you ready, Jimmy?
36:06Gentlemen, your time starts now.
36:10I can feel a boil swelling up on the back of my head.
36:12Hold on, I can feel a boil swelling up on the back of my head.
36:14That is not good.
36:15Come on, John.
36:16It's gritty.
36:17It's gritty.
36:18It's gritty.
36:19It's gritty.
36:20It's gritty.
36:21It's gritty.
36:22It's gritty.
36:23It's gritty.
36:24It's gritty.
36:25John, you haven't even down the first one.
36:26It's got balls.
36:27Come on, John.
36:28Come on, John.
36:29John, come on.
36:34Don't let me slow you down, John.
36:36Yeah, I think...
36:38There's pus in the...
36:40This is a very expensive suit.
36:42There's pus in the eggnog.
36:44There's pus in the eggnog.
36:46There's pus in the eggnog.
36:47There's some pus in the eggnog.
36:48There's some pus in the eggnog.
36:50There is...
36:51I'm going to warn you, there's pus in the eggnog.
36:53There's pus in my hair!
36:54You know what?
36:55To be fair to John, there is some pus in the eggnog.
36:58There is some pus in the eggnog.
37:02Do you know what?
37:03Let's call it a draw.
37:04There's pus in the eggnog.
37:05We'll play it down.
37:06Let's play Countdown!
37:07CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
37:16OK, on with the game.
37:17We were playing Countdown before whatever the fuck that was.
37:21Rob and Judy, your turn to choose.
37:23Right, here we go.
37:24Are you going to help?
37:25All right, I'll have a little sit down.
37:27OK.
37:28Are you doing it, Joe?
37:29Yeah.
37:30Can I get two vowels, please?
37:31Absolutely.
37:32Thank you, Jesus.
37:33I and an E, you all right?
37:34Yes, please, yeah.
37:35Three consonants.
37:37Three consonants, seems too many.
37:39P, M, W, or an H.
37:43PH.
37:44What's one of them?
37:45Three of them?
37:46Yeah, three of them, please.
37:47That could be M's or W's, it's up to you.
37:50I like it when Rachel does it.
37:52That could be one of those.
37:53That could be one of those.
37:54Where's the P?
37:55You had a P earlier.
37:56Where's the P gone?
37:57Where's the P?
37:58It's absolutely none of your fucking business.
38:02Write down your shit and I'll do mine.
38:05Can I just confirm what we've got there?
38:07Can you read those letters to me?
38:09E, umla, ouch, M, Dan.
38:13Umla!
38:14A vowel, please.
38:16A vowel.
38:17Are we not having the P, then?
38:18He's gone.
38:19He's gone wrong.
38:20All right, OK.
38:22What's that one?
38:23Another bloody umla.
38:26OK, your time starts now.
38:30I don't know what to spell it or subtract it.
38:37.
38:59Rob, how many?
39:00Four.
39:01Four?
39:02Judy, how many?
39:03Four.
39:04Home is my four.
39:05John, how many?
39:06Five.
39:07Ooh.
39:08OK, Daisy?
39:09Five, if that's definitely a W.
39:12OK, Rob.
39:13C-O-M-E, come.
39:15As in all ye faithful.
39:16All right, John, your five?
39:18Chime.
39:19Chime?
39:21Ooh!
39:22Oh, I'm Christmassy.
39:23Daisy, your five?
39:25I got hole.
39:26You got one?
39:28Hole.
39:29Can you stop trying to seduce me of this?
39:32Hole with a W.
39:34With an L?
39:35How did you get a L?
39:36Oh, well, what's that then?
39:37Oh, gosh, now I've got nothing.
39:40I'm afraid at Christmas there's no L.
39:42Oh!
39:43Joan, the chitter.
39:50Five points to John and Daisy.
39:52Oh!
39:54Clap around.
39:55Katie, Susie, could they have done any better?
39:57Just vibes.
39:58Yeah.
39:59Yeah.
40:00Me?
40:01OK.
40:02John and Daisy are in the lead with 31 points.
40:03APPLAUSE
40:08And here is your final teaser.
40:09The words are,
40:10elf sex ad,
40:11and the clue is,
40:12it's very good for you.
40:13That's elf sex ad,
40:15it's very good for you.
40:16See you after the break.
40:17APPLAUSE
40:33Welcome back, the answer to the teaser.
40:35The words were,
40:36elf sex ad,
40:37the clue was,
40:38it's very good for you.
40:39It was, of course,
40:40flaxseed.
40:41OK, before we go on,
40:42as it's Christmas,
40:43let's play a quick game.
40:44I'll read out the first line
40:45of some classic Christmas cracker jokes.
40:47All you have to do is buzz in
40:48when you think you know the punchline.
40:50Could not be simpler.
40:51Five bonus points up on offer.
40:52So, let's play,
40:53Pull My Cracker.
41:00Annoyingly, it does that when I say,
41:01Pull My Cracker.
41:07Probably best if no-one says it.
41:08Pull My.
41:09Cracker!
41:18Ouch!
41:20OK.
41:21What comes at the end of Christmas Day?
41:23Father Christmas.
41:28Boxing Day.
41:31Any other guesses?
41:32Letter Y.
41:33That's the right boring answer.
41:34Yeah.
41:40Why don't you ever see Father Christmas in hospital?
41:44Because he doesn't believe in Western medicine.
41:49That is the right...
41:51Yeah, that's the right answer.
41:52Is it?
41:53Yeah.
41:54Because he's in good health.
41:56Yeah, I'll give you that.
41:58Nice.
42:02Christmas.
42:03What is white and minty?
42:05My ass.
42:06Jimmy Carter.
42:13Sorry.
42:14Judy?
42:15I was just going to say Jimmy.
42:16What, white and minty?
42:17Yeah.
42:19Yeah, that's exactly how I imagine him tasting.
42:25How's your son?
42:31Oh, Judy's gone.
42:32A polo bear?
42:42A polo bear is the right answer.
42:45OK, John got the most right, so John gets the points.
42:48Oh, for Pete's sake.
42:49Oh, my God.
42:53OK, time for our final letters game.
42:55John, Daisy, your turn to choose.
42:57You're welcome to choose, but if you're just going to do
42:59that three vowels, five continents shit, I might do it myself.
43:02Can you do it, you son?
43:03Can we have four vowels and five continents, please?
43:07Got A, O, E, U, D, T, B, L, and D.
43:13And a bonus T.
43:17OK, and your time starts...
43:20Now.
43:21All the weather outside is frightful,
43:24but the fire is so delightful,
43:28and since we've no place to go,
43:31let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.
43:35All the fire is slowly dying,
43:39and my dear, we're still good-bye.
43:42Oh, God.
43:43It's quiet.
43:45There's a lot, eh?
43:46Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.
43:50It's like I'm in a nightclub in Essex.
44:00Oh, God!
44:02Daisy, how many?
44:03Four.
44:04Four.
44:05OK, John, how many?
44:06Uh, seven.
44:08How many, Rob?
44:09Five.
44:10Five.
44:11Judy?
44:12Five.
44:13Your four, Daisy?
44:14Lube.
44:16Rob, your five.
44:17Tubed.
44:19Tubed.
44:22Me, it's fine.
44:23Is that good?
44:24Yes.
44:25Thank you, actually.
44:26Judy, your five.
44:27Adult.
44:28Adult.
44:29John for the seventh.
44:30Uh, doubled.
44:32Whoa.
44:33Oh, my goodness!
44:34Seven points to John.
44:36I've got to get Jimmy.
44:37I've got to get Jimmy.
44:39On the count of three.
44:40One, two, three.
44:41Hail Jimmy!
44:42Um, Katie, could they have done any better?
44:43Yeah, they could have had buttload for eight.
44:44Dead butt.
44:45Is that a real word?
44:46Buttload.
44:47It is now.
44:48OK, so Rob and Judy have 12 points.
44:49John and Daisy have 43.
44:50APPLAUSE
44:51APPLAUSE
44:52Now, as it's Christmas, you know we always do this on the show, yeah?
44:55The conundrum at Christmas is worth 32 points.
44:56Yes!
44:57That's always been the tradition on this show.
44:58So, for 32 points, here's today's crucial Christmas Countdown Conundrum.
45:21CHEFLE
45:22CHEFLE
45:23CHEFLE
45:24CHEFLE
45:25CHEFLE
45:26CHEFLE
45:27CHEFLE
45:28CHEFLE
45:29CHEFLE
45:30CHEFLE
45:31CHEFLE
45:32Oh, great, well, I'm sorry.
45:33LAUGHTER
45:34It's right there.
45:36CHEFLE
45:38CHEFLE
45:39R-E
45:40CHEFLE
45:41CHEFLE
45:42You can see it.
45:43I can see it, but I can't say it.
45:45I can see it, but I can't say it.
45:46It can't.
45:47They go round and round.
45:48CHEFLE
45:50Charousels.
45:51Chish.
45:52Yeah.
45:54Come on, go round and round.
45:57CHEFLE
45:58CHEFLE
45:59Go on.
46:00Carousels!
46:01CECK
46:02CHEFLE
46:03CHEFLE
46:04CHEFLE
46:05멍
46:07Merry Christmas.
46:09CHEFLE
46:11That's fantastic.
46:12So the final scores are
46:14Jon and Daisy have 43 points.
46:17Well done, which means our winners, Rob and Judy, with 44 points.
46:21It's a Christmas miracle.
46:25Congratulations.
46:26You're now the proud owner of this, the Countdown,
46:29Elf Upon a Mantlepiece.
46:36Thanks to all our partners, our wonderful studio audience,
46:38and to all of you for watching at home.
46:39That's it from us.
46:40Good night and Merry Christmas.
46:47And a Merry Christmas to you too, Jimmy.
46:50Now, I'm not sure if they did it on purpose
46:52because it's a brand new champion of champions,
46:54but wait until you see what they have to wear.
46:55Get up your eye out.
46:56If you dare, Taskmaster is available to stream now.
46:59Next though, Alison Hammond, Harry Hill and even Rick Astley.
47:02What more could you want for the last leg of Christmas?
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