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The Last Leg Season 33 Episode 11
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FunTranscript
00:00I'll be good for your health
00:01Keep them prime rhymes on the shelf
00:03Live my life like you just don't care
00:06I believe it's never scared
00:08Rain and noise is the moment they fear
00:11Get up, sell a beautiful idea
00:13Get up, throw your hands in the air
00:15Get up, get up, get up
00:19Get up, get up, get up
00:21Get up, get up
00:23Get up, get up
00:23The present's gonna be ready for you
00:25Finish wrapping the presents, sit back on the couch
00:30Then realise you forgot to buy batteries
00:32It's Christmas Eve and it's time for the last leg
00:35Tonight on the show we look at a prediction of Christmas future
00:41Look back on Christmas past
00:43And take a sneaky look at our Christmas presents
00:46Plus we'll be joined by presenter Alison Hammond
00:49Comedian Harry Hill and music legend Rick Astley
00:52On the show that's always a Christmas diehard
00:56G'day, I'm Adam Hills
01:05Welcome to The Last Leg
01:06The show that wonders if King Charles' speech
01:08Is gonna get one less viewer this year
01:09With fears always of the pride of Huddersfield
01:12Alex Brooker
01:13And the man who turned on the Christmas lights in Exeter this year
01:16But only in his own house
01:17Josh Whittacombe
01:18Happy Christmas Eve everybody
01:26Every year we dress up there's something ridiculous for Christmas
01:29I, of course, am Tom Hanks from the Polar Express
01:33There you go
01:34Thank you
01:35Yeah, it's not bad
01:37Yeah
01:38You're such a fan of the film that you've called the character Tom Hanks
01:41Oh
01:42You look like you're about to strip
01:47That is a different type of Polar Express
01:52I went with Polar Express because it's my favourite Tom Hanks film
01:58Yeah
01:59Actually it's my second favourite but Philadelphia didn't feel appropriate
02:01Josh
02:04Merry Christmas
02:05Josh, would you like to explain who your dress is?
02:08Oh, I didn't get the memo, I didn't know it was fancy dress
02:10No, I've come as, I'll stand up for this
02:15I've come as Francis Rossi from the Band Aid video
02:19Amazing
02:20I'm not saying I've run out of ideas
02:25I look like Michael Portillo
02:28I am
02:29You look like someone who's been caught at Heathrow trying to smuggle in illegal reptiles
02:35Well, I've certainly got a snake in these tight trousers
02:41Hey
02:45Alex, do you want to explain what's going on there?
02:47Yeah, I'm Tim Allen in the Santa Claus
02:49Santa's just fallen off my roof and I've just put the jacket on
02:52So, yeah, and also I'll tell you what
02:54It's comfy in it
02:55I'll tell you what, your snake will be alright in these pyjama bottoms, mate
02:58Honestly
02:59This is the comfiest I've ever been
03:00I'm not going to say you've not gone too much effort
03:02But compared to the two of us
03:04Wearing literally slippers, pyjamas and just you've put on a Santa
03:08Yeah, I know
03:09I don't know
03:10I think these are comfy slippers
03:11I can only feel the one
03:13But I think
03:14Alright, the big story of course is Christmas
03:18And it's the story Alex has been most excited about all year
03:23So let's start with this
03:24Is it okay that Alex interrupted a last leg meeting this year
03:27To have his Christmas tree delivered?
03:30Okay
03:31Is it okay he did that in October?
03:34Well here's another is it okay for you
03:38Is it okay that it's a 13 foot tree?
03:41That is
03:42I know, that's 12 more feet than Alex has
03:45Let's see, here's a photo of it arriving
03:50Just so you know, Alex took the tree out
03:53And then once that was done, Alex's wife put all her belongings in there and there
03:57Here's the photo of the tree once it was up and running
04:03It looks like you know those North Korean marches where they have the missiles
04:10Honestly, it's so big that's an actual star on top of it
04:15Is it a real tree? It's not a real tree
04:18Oh no, no, no, no, no
04:19No, so even your Christmas tree is prosthetic
04:21Look, knowing how much you love Christmas I would imagine the ads you get on your phone are different to the ads I get on my phone
04:35Oh mate, I mean the algorithm on Instagram
04:38I start getting like loads of these like Christmas
04:40Like Larry Christmas suits
04:42And outfits
04:43Right
04:44Maybe because I was talking about Christmas jumpers
04:46That's all my algorithm is just Christmas suits
04:48Yeah, we've got some of the garish images Alex has been getting
04:51Check these out
04:52The thing with it is, you two complain a lot, you know, about your disabilities
04:57But that guy in the suit, he hasn't got a head
05:02It looks like
05:04I'd say that's far
05:06At the Paralympics, you're in the toughest category
05:10Especially if it's a dead heat in the sprinting
05:17The suit, I love the suit, it looks like the kind of suit Santa would wear to court
05:22You know what I mean? Like if Santa turned up in the Epstein files
05:26No, Santa's not, obviously Santa's not in the Epstein files
05:29Obviously
05:30Because we all know Santa makes the list and checks it twice
05:35I reckon
05:36Pausing for an edit
05:45I think nothing says Christmas Eve more than Philadelphia in the Epstein files
05:52I reckon if you can encapsulate Alex's algorithm into one image
05:56It would be this
05:57Declan Rice dressed as Santa drinking a Frosé with Big John
06:01That is...
06:02That's Alex's
06:04I'm assuming that's your default setting when you blank out during an easing
06:08Is it true you want a dash cam for Christmas?
06:10Yeah, I do
06:11Yeah, I generally do
06:12No, I've got banged...
06:13So, I've got banged into dash cam footage
06:15That's the other thing my algorithm is jumping up
06:17What do you mean?
06:18So, like, I've got really into, like, watching these videos
06:21Of, like, just people having near misses
06:23But the one I've been getting into most
06:25Is a geezer called Big Jobber
06:27Who basically...
06:28Wait, what, what, what?
06:29His name's Big Jobber
06:30And basically what he does is...
06:31I'm going to say it, Hillsley
06:32When Brooker searched Big Jobber
06:33He wasn't looking for a dash cam footage
06:35He assesses, like, the insurance library
06:41Who's at fault for the crash
06:42Yeah, okay
06:43Based on the dash cam footage
06:44Are you okay?
06:45I think I'm having, like, the most boring midlife crisis of all time
06:51But I really want a dash cam
06:53We've got a very special treat for Alex tonight
06:55So we've been following Santa on his radar tonight
06:57Oh, okay
06:58So we're going to check in to see where he is right now
07:00Have a look at this on the map
07:02He...
07:03Now, that seems to be Huddersfield
07:05Which is where you live, Alex
07:06Yeah
07:07He seems to be stuck there
07:09Let's go to Santa's dash cam
07:11Or as he calls it, dasher cam
07:12To see what's happening
07:19Gosh, what arsehole put up a 12 foot three?
07:22I hope they don't breathalise me
07:24I've had 83 million sherrys
07:26Here's your froze machine, you prick
07:29Now, one AI generator reimagined Santa over the decades
07:39Showing how, and this is a quote
07:41Beloved figures can evolve alongside society's progress
07:44Here is its revealing timeline of Santas
07:47Let's go through them one by one
07:48Here's 1960s Santa
07:50Textbook
07:51Classic
07:52Coca-Cola Santa
07:53Coca-Cola Santa
07:54No issue with that, yeah
07:55Yep
07:561970s Santa
07:57Ooh
07:58I've...
07:59I'm not letting my kids sit on his knee
08:01Let's look at 1980s Santa
08:05Wow
08:06He's been lifting his sack, isn't he?
08:09No wonder Mummy was kissing Santa Claus
08:12Look at that guy
08:13I mean, that'll leave her Saint Nicholas
08:15LAUGHTER
08:16LAUGHTER
08:17LAUGHTER
08:18LAUGHTER
08:19Uh, alright...
08:20LAUGHTER
08:21Did somebody just go, oh dear?
08:23LAUGHTER
08:24LAUGHTER
08:25LAUGHTER
08:26I enjoyed it!
08:28I enjoyed it!
08:30Oh dear!
08:31That from me...
08:32Do you know what?
08:33I'm not...
08:34It's gonna...
08:35It's ruined Christmas
08:36LAUGHTER
08:37And that's a guy who was fine with the Epstein joke
08:39LAUGHTER
08:40Uh, 2010s Santa?
08:42Couldn't give a shit, could I?
08:44No...
08:45LAUGHTER
08:462030s?
08:47Well, I'll tell you what, JK Rowling's not gonna be happy
08:50From 2030s
08:51LAUGHTER
08:53LAUGHTER
08:54LAUGHTER
08:55Oh dear!
08:56LAUGHTER
08:57LAUGHTER
08:58LAUGHTER
08:59Look, there's one in the audience!
09:00LAUGHTER
09:01How did that happen?
09:03APPLAUSE
09:05APPLAUSE
09:07Mate!
09:09It's the one fucking night you were!
09:11LAUGHTER
09:14I'm not so sure about 2050s Santa.
09:16I mean, no...
09:17I mean, he looks like he's gonna shoot the Naughty Boys again.
09:19LAUGHTER
09:20And look, as Santa faces an AI future,
09:22so does the art of gift-giving,
09:24because surveys have found that a lot of people are using
09:26generative AI for present ideas.
09:28I love the idea that tomorrow there's gonna be men everywhere
09:31blaming AI for misjudged gives for their other halves.
09:34The sitter's going...
09:36Yeah, I mean...
09:37Jack GPT just said anal beads!
09:39I don't even know why!
09:40LAUGHTER
09:41LAUGHTER
09:42Like, the technology's just not...
09:43It's just not right!
09:44By the way, love, do us a favour,
09:45can you quickly ring your mum and tell her not to open hers?
09:48LAUGHTER
09:49LAUGHTER
09:51LAUGHTER
09:52So we've decided to use AI tonight
09:54to choose our presents for each other.
09:56And to deliver them, would you please welcome
09:58all the way from the future...
10:00Robot Santa!
10:01Santa!
10:02Santa, baby!
10:03Yes, little saviour under the tree
10:07For me!
10:08Bring in half a good day!
10:12Santa, baby!
10:14To hurry down with you!
10:16I mean, the technology in the future's amazing, isn't it?
10:19LAUGHTER
10:20I tell you what, the robot's improved more than the trolley,
10:22hasn't it, in the future?
10:23LAUGHTER
10:24It's not often I get to say this about other people,
10:29but you do walk a bit funny, don't you?
10:31LAUGHTER
10:32LAUGHTER
10:33Can the robot do the Vs towards Alex?
10:39LAUGHTER
10:41LAUGHTER
10:42All right, so we started by asking AI the question,
10:45what is a good Christmas present for Alex Brooker?
10:47Now, once we explain who Alex Brooker was...
10:50LAUGHTER
10:51LAUGHTER
10:53It suggested a personalised Arsenal jersey.
10:56Yes, please.
10:57So, could you please bring the presents over?
10:59LAUGHTER
11:00Do you know what?
11:04Yeah.
11:05RADA is fucking good, isn't it?
11:06LAUGHTER
11:08LAUGHTER
11:09LAUGHTER
11:15Four years of debt for this.
11:17LAUGHTER
11:19Thank you very much.
11:20Do you think that's your answer?
11:21It's good to have Daniel Day-Lewis back in the game, isn't it?
11:24LAUGHTER
11:25Oh, wow.
11:26Unbelievable!
11:27No, back a bit...
11:28There we go.
11:29Oh, there we go.
11:31Thank you, Robot Santa.
11:33LAUGHTER
11:35They said...
11:36Do you know what?
11:37When they said Greg Wallace would never be back on TV...
11:39LAUGHTER
11:41LAUGHTER
11:42APPLAUSE
11:43LAUGHTER
11:44LAUGHTER
11:48LAUGHTER
11:49LAUGHTER
11:51So, I started out by asking AI what to get for Alex...
11:54Yeah.
11:55..and it said, a personalised Arsenal jersey.
11:57Am I allowed to open it?
11:58You are allowed to open it.
11:59Oh, wow.
12:00So, we've got you an Arsenal jersey,
12:02and on the back we've got the picture of you...
12:04..with Declan Rice and Big John drinking the Frosé.
12:07Oh, yes, please.
12:08LAUGHTER
12:09Merry Christmas.
12:10APPLAUSE
12:13I love this robot.
12:14He did a little...
12:15..he did a little happy dance when it was good.
12:17LAUGHTER
12:18So, when I asked...
12:19LAUGHTER
12:21How is the robot funnier than all of us?
12:23LAUGHTER
12:24This is the future, Josh.
12:25LAUGHTER
12:26LAUGHTER
12:27So, when I asked AI what to get Josh,
12:30it said, something that balances his sober lifestyle,
12:33his love of home, his writing work and his comedic vibe.
12:37Oh, that's genuinely nice.
12:38It said, a premium tea gift set and notebook combo
12:43with a personal note.
12:45So, it's...
12:46An AI wrote the note.
12:47This is a personal note.
12:48Oh.
12:49For when you fancy putting the kettle on...
12:50I genuinely like this.
12:51For when you fancy putting the kettle on and jamming down
12:54those five-minute observations.
12:57LAUGHTER
12:58This is the great thing.
12:59It also added,
13:00Uh, Josh is an observational comedian
13:02who focuses on the minutiae of everyday life
13:05rather than big topical issues.
13:08LAUGHTER
13:10I think anyone who's seen me trying to walk around the news
13:13on this show would agree with that.
13:14LAUGHTER
13:15And so, what did...
13:16What did AI suggest for me?
13:18Well, AI...
13:19They got...
13:20So, basically, they said,
13:21something that was tied to your interest in disability,
13:23awareness and sport,
13:24but more importantly,
13:25a high-quality item
13:27that acknowledges that part of his life,
13:28but not in a pitying way.
13:30They wanted us to give you something empowering.
13:32Not in a pitying way.
13:34No, so we didn't want to get you any sort of...
13:36any sort of present that would kind of sound,
13:38um, pitying at all.
13:40OK.
13:41So, we've got you, uh, a book.
13:42You have got me a book.
13:43Which is called, um,
13:44The Little Disabled Engine That Could.
13:46LAUGHTER
13:48Thank you so much, boys.
13:52I can add that to my collection,
13:53along with C-Spot Limp.
13:55LAUGHTER
13:57And, oh, the places you'll park.
13:59LAUGHTER
14:00And can we also have, uh, a big thank you
14:02to Robot Santa!
14:04CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
14:10Uh, now, Christmas telly is also changing.
14:12There's a reality series on Hallmark this year
14:14called Finding Mr Christmas.
14:16Uh, the TV show focuses on ten aspiring actors
14:19who compete for the chance
14:20to be the next leading man
14:22in a Hallmark Christmas film.
14:24Here is the cheesy trailer
14:25for the wholesome reality series.
14:28Boy, do I have an early holiday gift for you.
14:31We are back for season two
14:32with an all-new group of hunks
14:34and festive face-offs.
14:35Check out this sneak peek.
14:37It's a huge house.
14:38I'm down to stay here for a while.
14:40What's up, guys?
14:41What's up, fellas?
14:42What's up, Angel?
14:43Dude, it's so epic.
14:45Dude, we got the trust circle going on already.
14:49LAUGHTER
14:50I don't trust that trust circle.
14:52LAUGHTER
14:53Have you seen Finding Mr Easter?
14:55It's a bit bleaker
14:56because the winner gets nailed to a cross.
14:58LAUGHTER
15:04LAUGHTER
15:05Now...
15:06LAUGHTER
15:08Throughout the show...
15:09Sorry, it's status quo to Reggie for you.
15:13He's...
15:14Honestly,
15:15you're just...
15:16Everything you say with that ponytail.
15:18LAUGHTER
15:20Now, throughout the show,
15:21this Finding Mr Christmas...
15:22Did you just get a cutaway
15:23of my fucking ponytail?
15:25LAUGHTER
15:26We've...
15:27We've never used that camera angle
15:28in 15 years!
15:29LAUGHTER
15:30That's not one of our angles!
15:32LAUGHTER
15:33Where's that?
15:34I don't even know where that camera is!
15:36Throughout Finding Mr Christmas,
15:39the actors have to complete a series of challenges,
15:41including gift wrapping,
15:42untangling Christmas lights,
15:43and acting in a scene.
15:45But...
15:46We think they missed a trick.
15:47Because we've got our own Mr Christmas here,
15:49Alex Brooker.
15:50I don't know why they didn't cast him, right?
15:52100%, mate.
15:53Yep.
15:54So, throughout the show tonight,
15:55we're going to set Alex a series of Christmassy tasks,
15:57and he's going to do the first one now.
15:59We need you to head over there, please, Alex.
16:01OK, I didn't...
16:02Are you ready? Are you ready?
16:03APPLAUSE
16:08It's based on this festive challenge.
16:12LAUGHTER
16:13Remember, guys, presentation is important,
16:15but your personality and star quality
16:18are always on Santa's radar.
16:20Ooh!
16:21So give us your best runway walks and slay!
16:24Yeah!
16:26Wait, you're up first.
16:28Ooh!
16:29Ooh!
16:30Ooh!
16:31Ooh!
16:32Ooh!
16:33Ooh!
16:34OK, hello!
16:35Melissa, I don't want you to get too close to this fire.
16:37Sugar melts.
16:39Oh!
16:42Wow!
16:47So, it's time for Alex
16:48to take on the Mr Christmas Catwalk Challenge.
16:51Alex, I want some strut
16:53with a Goodwill to All Men vibe.
16:55CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
17:14Uh, genuinely, by the way,
17:15don't get too close to me
17:16because I think this is flammable as fuck.
17:18LAUGHTER
17:20Alex, you're through to the next round.
17:23Yeah!
17:29All right, let's welcome tonight's guests.
17:31They're Bake Off royalty,
17:32which means much like real royalty,
17:34they're both inbred.
17:35Please welcome Alison Hammond
17:37and comedian Harry Hill.
17:38CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
17:39Hello!
17:40Hello!
17:41Hello!
17:42Hello!
17:43Hello!
17:44Hello!
17:45Hello!
17:46Hello!
17:47Hello!
17:48Hello!
17:49Hello!
17:50Hello!
17:51Hello!
17:52Hello!
17:53Hello!
17:54Hello!
17:55Hello!
17:56Hello!
17:57Hello!
17:58I don't believe it.
17:59Frances Rossi and Tim Allen.
18:01Aw!
18:02And Bernard Cribbins from the railway tour.
18:04LAUGHTER
18:07Now, Alison has already received
18:09the best gift of all a few weeks ago
18:11when Prince Harry lip-synced
18:13to one of your exchanges from Bake Off.
18:16I thought I was dreaming when I saw that.
18:18So here's the perfectly timed clip
18:19with Stephen Colbert.
18:21If you was treated like a king for the day,
18:23what would you want me to do for you?
18:25Um...
18:26Bec for me, probably.
18:28You'd want me to do what?
18:29Bec!
18:30Bec!
18:31Bec!
18:32Bec!
18:33Bec!
18:34Bec!
18:35Bec!
18:36Bec!
18:37Bec!
18:38Bec!
18:39What?
18:40Bec!
18:41What a weird moment!
18:42Crazy!
18:43I mean, so I was like,
18:44oh my God!
18:45Prince...
18:46Me and Prince Harry are connected now.
18:47You're totally like that.
18:48You know what I mean?
18:49We're tied.
18:50Yeah.
18:51I mean, how can I be humble now?
18:52Do you know what I mean?
18:53Does it make me kind of, like, royalty now?
18:54Like, am I princess?
18:55Am I?
18:56Yeah.
18:57Yeah.
18:58I mean, how can I be humble now?
18:59Do you know what I mean?
19:00Do you know what I mean?
19:01Yes.
19:02Am I?
19:03Yeah.
19:04But it does appear that Prince Harry has got a lot of time on his hands now.
19:08LAUGHTER
19:09LAUGHTER
19:10Do you reckon?
19:12APPLAUSE
19:14Harry, what are your Christmas traditions?
19:19Well, we always...
19:20What we do with the TV, when we have the Christmas lunch...
19:25Yeah.
19:26And then we have...
19:27We've got one of those TVs that you can bring round...
19:29You know, it comes...
19:30You can angle it round.
19:31It's on the wall, but you can angle it round.
19:33Yeah.
19:34And so we bring it round so that it's across the other side of the table,
19:37and then we have the King's Speech on there.
19:40So it's like he's joining us.
19:42LAUGHTER
19:43For dinner!
19:46What's that?
19:47Yeah.
19:48It has been a tough year for a lot of people.
19:50LAUGHTER
19:51And look, we talked about Alex's 13-foot tree in his garden.
19:55Anything special in your garden this Christmas?
19:57Oh, well, we've got robins, actually, nesting...
20:00Ooh!
20:01Aw!
20:02Yeah, I know.
20:03We put up a nesting box last year.
20:06Yeah.
20:07And we've got some...
20:08Actually, some baby robins in there now.
20:10Aw!
20:11Yeah, and I've actually got a camera.
20:12You know, one of those little tiny cameras?
20:13Oh, yeah, yeah.
20:14Yeah.
20:15It's got a bird watch.
20:16Yeah, with like a live feed.
20:17Yeah.
20:18Could we see that, or...?
20:20We have got it.
20:21Yes, yes, we can.
20:22Yes, we can.
20:23Let's see the live feed of your...
20:24Oh, that's so lovely!
20:25But, um...
20:27LAUGHTER
20:28LAUGHTER
20:30LAUGHTER
20:32What the fuck?
20:34LAUGHTER
20:35Oh!
20:36LAUGHTER
20:38Oh, that's really upsetting.
20:40LAUGHTER
20:41Let's talk about a live feed.
20:43Me!
20:44LAUGHTER
20:45All right, we'll have more last week for you after the break
20:48as we chat to Rick Astley and find out which one of our guests
20:51had a crush on him as a teenager.
20:53See you in a little bit!
20:54CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
20:55CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
21:13Welcome back to The Last Leg.
21:14We're joined by Alison Hammond and Harry Gill.
21:17Uh, Alex is starting to change like Tim Allen in, uh...
21:22I'm not.
21:23Are you not?
21:24Are you not the same as what I did?
21:25No.
21:26I'm not, though.
21:27I don't think that's how you looked in the last part.
21:28That's the same, mate.
21:29OK.
21:30Changing at all.
21:31All right, Josh, do you want to explain what's going on with you?
21:33I'm going through the Band-Aid video.
21:36LAUGHTER
21:37I, er...
21:38I didn't know Hanson were in Band-Aid.
21:40LAUGHTER
21:41Handsome?
21:42LAUGHTER
21:43I can't hear much, by the way.
21:45LAUGHTER
21:46I'm Sting from Band-Aid.
21:47Look at that.
21:48LAUGHTER
21:49Amazing.
21:50Bang on.
21:51I can't hear anything.
21:52LAUGHTER
21:53I'm getting Gail Tilsley off-corporation.
21:56LAUGHTER
21:57Anyone else doing that?
21:59LAUGHTER
22:00APPLAUSE
22:01I'm getting...
22:02I'm getting Gail Tilsley and Paul Hollywood.
22:05LAUGHTER
22:07And, obviously, I'm now Tom Hanks as Woody from Toy Story.
22:10Oh, yes.
22:11Oh, yeah.
22:12Because the final scene of Toy Story is when they all become friends
22:14at Christmas.
22:15Yes.
22:16Aw.
22:17Time now to welcome another guest to The Last Leg Christmas celebration.
22:19He's a soul singer whose songs may be the one thing your family
22:22doesn't fight over this Christmas.
22:23Please welcome...
22:24Rick Astley!
22:25CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
22:27CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
22:29APPLAUSE
22:31MUSIC
22:33MUSIC
22:35MUSIC
22:37MUSIC
22:38MUSIC
22:39MUSIC
22:40MUSIC
22:41MUSIC
22:42MUSIC
22:43MUSIC
22:44MUSIC
22:45MUSIC
22:46MUSIC
22:47MUSIC
22:49MUSIC
22:52MUSIC
22:53MUSIC
22:54MUSIC
22:55MUSIC
22:56MUSIC
22:57MUSIC
22:58MUSIC
22:59MUSIC
23:00MUSIC
23:01MUSIC
23:02MUSIC
23:03MUSIC
23:04MUSIC
23:05MUSIC
23:06MUSIC
23:07MUSIC
23:08MUSIC
23:09MUSIC
23:10MUSIC
23:11MUSIC
23:12MUSIC
23:13MUSIC
23:14MUSIC
23:15MUSIC
23:16MUSIC
23:17I'm straight back there after this and then if there's anything left, I'll be, you know, lovely.
23:22No, so, to be honest, tomorrow is a bit like our boxing day, to be honest.
23:27Right. It's a bit more chill and, you know, so... Yeah.
23:30Now, we asked AI to suggest a present for you. I can't wait.
23:34OK.
23:36It said maybe a rare vinyl copy of something like The Smiths,
23:39because you did a show of Smith songs at Glastonbury.
23:42I saw it. Which, yeah, you saw it and one of our team was there
23:46and you captured the joy Josh felt as he watched you perform.
23:49This is genuine footage.
23:51Back on the streets of Birmingham
23:55I wander to myself
23:59With a very salient
24:03With each side street and he slipped down
24:06I wander to myself
24:10What a lie! One of the best hours of my life!
24:14And watching that video, this is going to blow your mind.
24:18That was after I stopped drinking.
24:23Harry, you share Rick's love of Morrissey's music.
24:26His music? Yeah, not so much his music.
24:29LAUGHTER
24:33Don't talk about that, do we?
24:35You performed as Morrissey?
24:37I did Morrissey in Stars in their arms.
24:39I remember it.
24:40We have a dazzling clip of the enthusiastic performance
24:42from the turn of the millennium.
24:44Morrissey!
24:45APPLAUSE
24:47MUSIC PLAYS
24:48MUSIC PLAYS
24:49MUSIC PLAYS
24:50MUSIC PLAYS
24:52MUSIC PLAYS
25:19LAUGHTER
25:20APPLAUSE
25:22Have you ever met Morrissey?
25:25I haven't met Morrissey, but part of it was you had to get permission.
25:28So I had to get permission from Morrissey to impersonate him.
25:31There was a... Or to do that song.
25:34And I got a fax through, in the old days of faxes,
25:37and it was signed by Morrissey saying,
25:40Good luck, Morrissey.
25:42So I thought, oh, so Morrissey's on the other end of this number.
25:45The number is there. I thought, well, I'll...
25:47And I had this idea, so I sent him a fax back saying,
25:51how about you and me do a novelty single for Christmas,
25:55our version of Little Donkey.
25:57Wow.
25:58But I never... He never... Never heard back.
26:00LAUGHTER
26:02I mean, you've got your own quiff. I have.
26:04I have to wear an artificial one, but if you liked, I could...
26:07Would you like me to reprise the...? Yes.
26:10Yes. Have you got them? Yes.
26:12I'm not feeling it.
26:14Come on!
26:15CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
26:20What a showman. He knows how to get the crowd going.
26:24LAUGHTER
26:25Here we go. Here we go.
26:27CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
26:29Oh.
26:30Yeah. Lovely.
26:31It's uncanny.
26:33LAUGHTER
26:34Little donkey.
26:35Little donkey.
26:37Little donkey.
26:38On a dusty road.
26:40LAUGHTER
26:41Going to keep on...
26:43...plodding onwards.
26:45With your head...
26:46LAUGHTER
26:47APPLAUSE
26:49LAUGHTER
26:50APPLAUSE
26:52LAUGHTER
26:54Brilliant.
26:55Oh, mercy everyone.
26:57LAUGHTER
26:59Merry Christmas.
27:00Merry Christmas.
27:01So good.
27:02Alison, is it true you had a teenage crush on Rick?
27:06Well, it's not the sort of place I would, like, probably admit it,
27:09with Rick literally sitting there, but he already knows.
27:12We've met quite a few times and now I'm quite cool with it.
27:15Are you?
27:16Like, I'm all right.
27:17I'm totally cool with, like, being in the...
27:18As long as Harry's sat between us.
27:19Oh, yeah, exactly.
27:20LAUGHTER
27:21So, Alison, just to clarify your story, you used to fancy Rick Astley.
27:26No, I...
27:27Then you met him and now it's gone away.
27:29LAUGHTER
27:30Not at all, Josh.
27:31Obviously, I've still got feelings, but there is, like, you know...
27:34Have you?
27:35LAUGHTER
27:36Do you want to expand on that?
27:37LAUGHTER
27:38Listen, I'm not saying there's a chance...
27:40There's a wife, there's a wife.
27:42LAUGHTER
27:43I feel like I'm the...
27:44Come on, come on, come on.
27:45Come on, come on, come on.
27:46Come on, come on, come on.
27:47Come on, come on, come on.
27:48Come on, come on, come on.
27:49Obviously.
27:50Oh, no!
27:51I don't know why I'm not wanted.
27:52LAUGHTER
27:55Listen...
28:01Obviously, I was a lot younger than I am now,
28:04but, obviously, I still get the same feelings.
28:07LAUGHTER
28:08Mum, I'm going to say it, there's a chance you're going to be Rick Rolled.
28:11LAUGHTER
28:13Come back, Harry!
28:15Come back, Harry!
28:17Harry!
28:18Alison, on the very night that his wife is celebrating Christmas...
28:21LAUGHTER
28:23LAUGHTER
28:24Well, she's not here, is she?
28:25LAUGHTER
28:30Just out of interest, Rick, where can Alison see you perform next year?
28:33LAUGHTER
28:34LAUGHTER
28:35Um, here, there and everywhere.
28:36We're on tour in April, which...
28:38Are we?
28:39Yes, we're all on tour.
28:40LAUGHTER
28:42Short notice.
28:43Yeah.
28:44So, um...
28:45Yes.
28:46We can't wait.
28:47We can't wait.
28:48We're looking forward to it.
28:49And now, Harry, you and Alison both host different versions of Bake Off,
28:52but you have brought your own showstopper to the show tonight.
28:55LAUGHTER
28:56Yeah, I've got to go back there again.
28:57Go on.
28:58LAUGHTER
28:59Well, I just think, you know, um, people forget, um,
29:03what Christmas is really about.
29:04Yeah.
29:05And what they concentrate on is the food.
29:07You know, it's all about the food.
29:09Mm.
29:10So, what I've done is I've done a, um, my own...
29:13a savoury nativity.
29:15Um...
29:16Brussels!
29:17I love it.
29:18Which I've...
29:19Which I've...
29:20Which I've made.
29:21Which I've made myself.
29:22And what...
29:23Just trying to get the message of Christmas through.
29:25LAUGHTER
29:26Through...
29:27Through food.
29:29Smells lovely.
29:31And...
29:32Do you want me to talk you through it?
29:34Yeah.
29:35So, these are frazzles on the roof of the, uh...
29:38LAUGHTER
29:39That's the...
29:40It's a Pomb Bear.
29:41LAUGHTER
29:42As...
29:43As the Angel Gabriel.
29:44LAUGHTER
29:45And then we have the Three Kings here,
29:47which I...
29:48I made from...
29:49Pepparamis,
29:50cos they're...
29:51They're spicy,
29:52a bit more exotic.
29:53Um...
29:54You've got the two sausages here.
29:56Uh...
29:57Joseph and Mary.
29:58Obviously, Joseph is a bit taller than Mary.
30:00Yeah.
30:01Um...
30:02And then you've got the star of the show,
30:04the Baby Jesus,
30:05which is a pig in blanket.
30:08And there's the...
30:09LAUGHTER
30:10I don't mean that in a sort of negative...
30:12You know, in a...
30:13LAUGHTER
30:15I don't want any trouble.
30:16LAUGHTER
30:17And then...
30:18You've got the manger made out of chip sticks.
30:19They're nice.
30:20Mm-hm.
30:21And then you've got the...
30:22You've got the halo there.
30:23LAUGHTER
30:24So that's just something that perhaps people could,
30:26you know, make their own tradition now.
30:28LAUGHTER
30:29The savoury nativity.
30:30Would you like to...?
30:31Have you got it in kit form?
30:32Right.
30:33Do you, like, sell it in a kit?
30:34Could you...?
30:35It's about 12 quid.
30:36LAUGHTER
30:37I mean, the slight problem with it is,
30:39to secure the sausages,
30:41you do have to use, um...
30:43screws.
30:44LAUGHTER
30:47And we're going to have more last link for you after the break
30:49as Alex performs a Hallmark Christmas scene
30:51we've written just for tonight.
30:52But right now,
30:53Rick Astley is going to perform his first Christmas hit of the night.
30:57Before he does, though,
30:58we've talked a lot about Alex's love of Christmas,
31:00but Lib Dem leader Ed Davey revealed in an interview this year
31:04that he listens to Christmas tunes all year round.
31:07Wow.
31:08How do we feel about that?
31:09Is that all right?
31:10Oh, but...
31:11But isn't his birthday on Christmas Day?
31:12That's the reason, isn't it?
31:13I think his birthday is on Christmas Day,
31:15so that's probably one of the reasons why it means a lot to him.
31:18Yeah.
31:19Because otherwise it would just be fucking weird.
31:21LAUGHTER
31:22APPLAUSE
31:24Well, it's going to make the next bit awkward.
31:35Uh, Rick is going to play us into the break,
31:37but who better to introduce him
31:39than the leader of the Lib Dems...
31:41LAUGHTER
31:42So, Ed Davey!
31:44LAUGHTER
31:46Hi, guys, it's Ed Davey here.
31:48Merry Christmas to you all.
31:50It's true, I like listening to Christmas music all year round.
31:53The reason is, my daughter and I love winding up her mum,
31:58and it's on my iPhone,
31:59and we play it in the car all the time.
32:01Um, I'm never going to give up Christmas,
32:04so here's Rick Astley.
32:06APPLAUSE
32:16Sleigh bells ring
32:18I listen
32:20In a lame
32:22Snow is glisting
32:23A beautiful sight
32:26We're happy tonight
32:28Walking in a winter wonderland
32:31But later on
32:33We'll conspire
32:35As we dream
32:37By the fire
32:39To face unafraid
32:41The plans that remain
32:43Walking in a winter wonderland
32:46Come on, Ron, let's go
32:50To the top here, let's go
32:51If it's regards the wisdom
32:52Home,
32:54To to our démo
32:55We'll give you a chance
32:56Making sure
32:57Sounds great
33:00And you all know
33:02With something new
33:03We're going to need
33:05To be the last day
33:06We were not at all
33:07With something happy
33:08Later on
33:09We have female
33:10You're welcome
33:11Here
33:12With a shout-out
33:14To be sure
33:15If your mayor
33:16With somebody
33:17That's a pleasant
33:18Show
33:19Welcome back to Last Leg. We're joined by Alison Hammond and Harry Hill.
33:30Alex, you're definitely changing.
33:32I feel a little bit more Christmassy at the moment.
33:34Do you?
33:35I'm feeling it a little bit different at the moment, but...
33:38You're definitely progressing.
33:39No, I haven't.
33:41OK.
33:42Josh, would you like to explain who you are now?
33:45No, I'm from the Band Aid video.
33:47Yeah.
33:48It's like Sarah Dallin from Bananarama, of course.
33:50Yeah.
33:52APPLAUSE
33:55Look at these jeans, they're fucking brilliant.
33:57Yeah.
33:59It ain't what I do, it's the way that I do it.
34:02We've always said it.
34:04And obviously, I'm Tom Hanks in the movie Forrest Gump,
34:07because he famously said life is like a box of chocolates
34:09and the main time you get chocolates is at Christmas.
34:13LAUGHTER
34:15You still look a bit like you're going to strip.
34:17You know, Forrest Hump.
34:19LAUGHTER
34:20And now, throughout the show, we've been putting Alex
34:23through his paces to see how he'd fare on the US reality series
34:26Finding Mr Christmas.
34:27The winner of the first series, by the way,
34:29earned a leading role in a holiday movie
34:32about the owner of a Seattle dog shelter
34:34who falls for a meticulous web page editor.
34:37The movie was called Happy Howlidays.
34:40I love it.
34:41See what you did there.
34:42I see what they did there.
34:43I love it.
34:44All right, I'm going to send everyone, if you could all go over
34:46and get ready for the next challenge for Alex, please,
34:48over in that corner of the studio.
34:50So, Alex's final challenge tonight
34:53is to test out his acting chops
34:55in a scene we've written as the ultimate hallmark Christmas movie.
35:00Lights.
35:01Camera.
35:02Christmas.
35:03APPLAUSE
35:10Help!
35:11Help!
35:12I need an emergency appointment.
35:13Oh, my God!
35:14It's Alison Hammond, the big city TV presenter.
35:17That's right.
35:18I've become so career-focused,
35:19I've lost touch with what's important in life.
35:22I'm single and I'm home for the holidays.
35:26And?
35:27And I've hit a dog.
35:32Oh, my God!
35:33What happened?
35:35LAUGHTER
35:36I'll tell you what happened.
35:50It's quite difficult to talk because it's really tight on the jaw.
35:53At least do a dog voice.
35:55LAUGHTER
35:57I was just sitting there by the side of the road licking my own balls
36:10and she came round the corner like a lunatic and hit me.
36:14Yeah, but he's such a cutie.
36:15I've really fallen for him.
36:17Is there anyone here who can treat him?
36:20I can't let him die.
36:21I'm the presenter of...
36:22For the love of dogs.
36:24LAUGHTER
36:25Of course, Miss Hammond.
36:26Do you know what?
36:27The hot vet will see you now.
36:28Oh.
36:29But I'm next.
36:30I'm sorry, Mr Hill.
36:31Your cat's going to have to wait.
36:32It's not the cat I'm worried about.
36:34It's the Robins.
36:35LAUGHTER
36:44I'm afraid Miss Hammond is next.
36:46But I'm on the telly.
36:47I know, but not as much as Alison.
36:49No-one's on the telly as much as Alison.
36:51LAUGHTER
36:53The hot vet will see you now.
36:55Whoa!
36:56Somebody order a dream boat.
36:58LAUGHTER
36:59Are you the hot vet?
37:00Yes.
37:01I'm sweating buckets.
37:02Do you know how hard it is to operate with these little hands?
37:04LAUGHTER
37:05You look like a man who could really heal my heart.
37:08I mean, dog.
37:09What kind of dog is it?
37:10I don't know.
37:11One of those really little whiny ones, by the looks of it.
37:13LAUGHTER
37:14I tell you what.
37:15Why don't you come back to my charming little cottage
37:17and see you now?
37:18I'll see you now.
37:19Whoa!
37:20Somebody order a dream boat.
37:21Are you the hot vet?
37:22Yes, I'm sweating buckets.
37:23Somebody come back to my charming little cottage
37:25and have Christmas with me and my children.
37:27They've been missing a mother figure in their life
37:29ever since my wife died in a tragic Christmas kite accident.
37:33Oh.
37:34Yeah, and then we could go back to the big city
37:37and maybe you could become the resident vet on This Morning.
37:40Bosh!
37:42LAUGHTER
37:44There you go, little fella.
37:46Oh, what?
37:47Get that on there, boy.
37:48Is that it?
37:50Stop whinging or I'll cut your bollocks off.
37:52LAUGHTER
37:53Come on, princess, let's go.
37:55LAUGHTER
38:00Oi, what about my robins?
38:03LAUGHTER
38:05This Christmas, Alex Brooker is The Hot Vet
38:10in Hallmark's new movie, Vet the Hall.
38:13Alright, it's time to bring out a Christmassy mystery guest.
38:27Harry and Alison have to try to work out why they were in the news this year.
38:31Can we please have this week's mystery guest?
38:34Mystery guest, mystery guest.
38:36Christmas mystery guest.
38:38Oh, what fun it is to have a Christmas mystery guest.
38:42Guest!
38:43Mystery guest.
38:44Welcome, Josh.
38:45Alex, who is the mystery guest?
38:46This is Rob.
38:47He was in the news this year for a Christmassy reason.
38:50Mm-hm.
38:51But what was it?
38:52Can we have the dramatic lighting change, please?
38:57So, did Rob get suspended from Broadland Radio
39:00for playing All I Want For Christmas Is You on October 3rd?
39:04Did he get suspended as a school exam invigilator
39:08after playing Merry Christmas Everyone by Slade
39:11to signal the end of the final exam?
39:13LAUGHTER
39:14Or did Rob get suspended by an undertaker
39:16after mistakenly playing last Christmas
39:19rather than the last post at a funeral?
39:21LAUGHTER
39:27What do you think?
39:28Well, I don't think you'd make a mistake at a funeral.
39:30You'd be well prepared.
39:31Does he look like an undertaker?
39:33LAUGHTER
39:36That's a grave digger.
39:38That's a grave digger, yeah.
39:41We'll reveal the mystery guest after the break.
39:44Rick Astley is going to sing us into Christmas.
39:46We'll see you in a little bit.
39:47APPLAUSE
40:03Welcome back to Last Leg.
40:06We're joined by Alison Hammond and Harry Hill.
40:09Alex has now become full Father Christmas.
40:11Ha!
40:12Ha!
40:13Ho!
40:14There you go.
40:15APPLAUSE
40:17That was a good one.
40:19You know what?
40:20In another reality where the cards had fallen different,
40:24he'd currently be doing that in a grotto in a garden centre.
40:27LAUGHTER
40:28You're not entirely sure what's going on with your costume.
40:30Well, I didn't think we had very long, so I was the dog already,
40:34so I just shoved mine on top of the dog.
40:37LAUGHTER
40:38OK.
40:39APPLAUSE
40:40Do you know what I'm calling this outfit?
40:41What?
40:42Hair Boy George.
40:43Oh, lovely.
40:44Lovely.
40:45APPLAUSE
40:46And clearly, I'm Tom Hanks from Castaway,
40:49because when he first experiences pain due to an infected tooth
40:52that goes on to become an ongoing issue whilst he's on the island,
40:54he's at a Christmas dinner.
40:55LAUGHTER
40:56Oh, and I've got the volleyball as well.
40:57Um...
40:58APPLAUSE
40:59APPLAUSE
41:00Ha!
41:01Ha!
41:02Ha!
41:03Ha!
41:04Ha!
41:05Ha!
41:06Ha!
41:07Ha!
41:08Ha!
41:09Ha!
41:10Ha!
41:11Ha!
41:12Ha!
41:13Ha!
41:14Ha!
41:15Ha!
41:16Ha!
41:17Ha!
41:18Ha!
41:19Ha!
41:20Ha!
41:21Ha!
41:22Ha!
41:23Ha!
41:24Andacha
41:25rather, yes, to work out how this person was connected to the news.
41:26Can we have the options again, please?
41:30BUZZ
41:31Yes.
41:32This is Rob
41:33and he was connected to the news this year for Christmas-y reason.
41:34But what was it?
41:35Was it because
41:37Rob got suspended from Broadland Radio
41:38for playing
41:39All I Want for Christmas Is You on October the 3rd?
41:42Was it because he got suspended as a school exam invigilator
41:45after playing Merry Christmas Everyone by Slade
41:48to signal the end of the final exam?
41:50Or
41:51did he get suspended by an undertaker
41:53after mistakenly playing last Christmas rather than the last post at a funeral.
41:58Ho, ho!
41:59Harry, Ellison.
42:01Could we, could you say something sort of local radio-ish?
42:07Coming up on the show.
42:09Well, hi, folks, hope you're having a good Sunday.
42:12Yeah. Yeah, is that it?
42:14You've got a good voice for radio.
42:17Could you say... You could have said no, Rob.
42:19LAUGHTER
42:23Shall we go with the radio?
42:25Yes, it's very...
42:26Would they suspend someone just for playing...
42:28It's a bit mean, isn't it?
42:30If they've done that, that is mean.
42:32It's a cutthroat world local radio.
42:33I wouldn't be listening to that radio station anyway.
42:35Oh, exactly.
42:37That's the last time you listened to Broadland radio, isn't it?
42:41Well, I thought you said Broadmoor.
42:43LAUGHTER
42:45All right, Rob. Rob, can you reveal your identity, please?
42:52I am indeed Rob Chandler, breakfast presenter at Broadland radio,
42:58and I was suspended for playing a Mariah Carey Christmas song early in October.
43:03Amazing.
43:04Ooh, indeed.
43:06So why did you play it, and then why did they suspend you?
43:09Well, it started with a text from a listener called Becky,
43:13who said she was putting out her Christmas stock in her shop,
43:17and could I play a Christmas song?
43:19So I thought, tell you what, if I get at least five listener texts saying,
43:23Ho, ho, ho...
43:24Ho, ho, ho.
43:25Exactly.
43:26LAUGHTER
43:28I'll consider it.
43:30And we did.
43:31We got a load of texts saying, Ho, ho, ho.
43:33One or two saying, No, no, no.
43:35LAUGHTER
43:36But then Billy the Taxi Driver...
43:38You must know Billy the Taxi Driver.
43:40No.
43:41LAUGHTER
43:44Another keen listener text and said,
43:47There's a tub of chocolates in it for you if you play Mariah Carey.
43:52All I want for Christmas is you.
43:54So, came back after the news, and I read that text out,
43:58and I said, quite frankly, I'm disappointed, Billy,
44:01that you could think I could be so shallow to fall...
44:05Here we go.
44:06..for such a blatant bribe.
44:07Here we go.
44:08He knows what he's doing.
44:09Yeah.
44:10Ding, ding, ding, ding.
44:11Oh!
44:13Played the song.
44:14Yeah.
44:15How long was he suspended for?
44:17How long was he suspended for?
44:18One day.
44:19Oh, is that all?
44:20Yeah.
44:21Did he go shopping?
44:22What did he do?
44:23Yeah, well, just stayed in bed all day.
44:24Chill day.
44:25LAUGHTER
44:26Can we please have a round of applause for Rob?
44:29CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
44:34All right, we are about to end the show with the Christmas
44:36sing-along from Rick Astley, but before we do,
44:38would you please thank our guests, Alison Hammond!
44:41CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
44:43Harry Hill!
44:45And my co-host, Josh Riddickam!
44:48CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
44:49And Alex Brooker!
44:51We'll be back next week for our New Year's Eve special
44:53with an incredible line-up.
44:54Musician Peter Doherty, comedians Maisie, Adam and Phil Wang,
44:57national treasure Sir Lenny Henry,
44:59TV personality Danny Dyer, rugby star Hannah Botterman,
45:03lioness Lucy Bronze, as well as a celebrity barman
45:05who is 100% faithful...
45:08LAUGHTER
45:09Right now, though, Rick Astley is going to sing us into Christmas.
45:12Merry Christmas.
45:13Thanks for watching and last link.
45:14My name's Adam Hills.
45:15Merry Christmas to all, and to all, a good night.
45:17CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
45:19You better watch out, you better not cry
45:28You better not pout, I'm telling you why
45:32Santa Claus is coming to town
45:37It's snowing wrong, let's go!
45:39It's snowing wrong, let's go!
45:41...?
45:59He sees you when you're sleeping
46:09He knows when you're awake
46:11He knows if you've been bad or good
46:15So be good for goodness sake
46:18You better watch out
46:20You better not cry
46:22You better not cry
46:24I'm telling you why
46:25Santa Claus is coming to town
46:30He got eight billion toys on his sleigh
46:35He's packed, he's coming your way
46:38Santa, it's coming in town
46:46Ba-ba-da-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba
46:49Bang! Merry Christmas!
46:50Yeah!
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