Saturday Night Live - Season 51 Episode 08- Josh O'Connor - Lily Allen
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#EnglishMovie #cdrama #drama #engsub #chinesedramaengsub #movieshortfull
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00:00:00On a cold December night, high above the earth, flies a big jolly man of considerable girth,
00:00:09making his way to every home under the sun in his magical sleigh, Air Force One.
00:00:21I don't know. You have questions for the president, but it's very late. He's exhausted.
00:00:27His brain is all over the place. So, unfortunately, he can't wait to talk to you.
00:00:32Hello, everybody. Hi, it's me. Yes, hello. It's your favorite president.
00:00:38Hiding behind my curtain. Ooh, peek behind the curtain.
00:00:42Something I enjoyed doing at Miss Teen USA in 1997.
00:00:46I'm ready to talk. And, you know, this is exciting tonight.
00:00:49I took both an Ambien and an Adderall, so we're going to see which one wins.
00:00:53So, just a few questions, please.
00:00:55Please. Oh, how great is Caroline Levin? We love her.
00:00:59Oh, she's got a beautiful face. And those lips that don't quit.
00:01:03Pretty amazing that I could just openly simp over my young blonde subordinate
00:01:07that's giving Michigan football coach.
00:01:10Can we get a close-up?
00:01:12Let's get a close-up on the mouth.
00:01:14It's one of my dot mouths.
00:01:15I don't know if they... Oh, God.
00:01:16I love that, man. Look at that.
00:01:19People need to see this. Look at those lips.
00:01:21They go bop, bop, bop like a machine gun.
00:01:23Just spectacular.
00:01:25Oh, thank you, Mr. Parker.
00:01:25I'm a married man. I'm obsessed with this woman.
00:01:28Wow. See, she liked it because I'm very nice to women.
00:01:32Yes, you have a question, you nasty, horrible witch.
00:01:35Uh, my name is Caitlin Collins, sir, and that's one of the nicer things that you've called me.
00:01:41Sir, at your rallies this week, you addressed the affordability crisis.
00:01:45Are you admitting that it's a serious problem?
00:01:47No, it's a made-up term, affordability.
00:01:49The economy is very strong.
00:01:51Everyone's fine, from the billionaires all the way down to the poor, poor millionaires
00:01:56who we're praying for every night, which is a miracle because I inherited a mess of an economy
00:02:02from the awful presidents that came before me.
00:02:05Like Biden and Trump.
00:02:07This guy, this guy did a real number on this place.
00:02:11Now, can a man ask me a question, please?
00:02:13Yes, you're kind of a man.
00:02:14I'll tell you what you got.
00:02:15Um, okay.
00:02:17Uh, Mr. President, any comment on the oil tanker you seized off the coast of Venezuela on Wednesday?
00:02:21Yes, we're doing pirate now.
00:02:24Arr!
00:02:25You know, it's interesting.
00:02:26Last week I said Somalis were garbage, and now we're stealing the ships.
00:02:31Ironic, isn't it?
00:02:32Alanis, she's great in dogma.
00:02:33She's at the end.
00:02:34But, with regard to tanker, you know, I'm captain now.
00:02:38Remember that, Captain Phillips?
00:02:40I'm captain.
00:02:41I love that line.
00:02:42You know, Captain Phillips, one of my favorite captains after crunch.
00:02:46Hoops all berries.
00:02:48Why do you say hoops?
00:02:49I prefer it.
00:02:49I prefer it.
00:02:49I prefer when it's all crunch berries.
00:02:52Uh-oh.
00:02:53Methinks Ambien has pulled into the lead.
00:02:56But don't worry.
00:02:57Adderall is still in the race.
00:03:00Right.
00:03:01Uh, so you'll continue to carry out strikes on Venezuela in the Caribbean?
00:03:05Uh, yes.
00:03:06And, you know, we're not just targeting drug boats.
00:03:09We're targeting suspected drug planes as well.
00:03:12In fact, we have some declassified video from a strike.
00:03:16I can show you now.
00:03:17Do we have that clip?
00:03:18Where's the clip?
00:03:26Was that Santa?
00:03:28Not anymore.
00:03:29Next question.
00:03:30Uh, Mr. President, do you have any comments on the, uh, potential sale of Warner Brothers
00:03:35to Netflix?
00:03:36I don't know why anyone wants Warner Brothers.
00:03:38They got one of the worst studio lot tours in L.A.
00:03:41You go on that thing and it's just some kid pointing to a tree.
00:03:44Oh, that's the tree from Pretty Little Liars.
00:03:47Who gives a crap?
00:03:48We want to go to Luke's.
00:03:49I want to go to the Gilmore Girls Gazebo.
00:03:51Let's go there.
00:03:53Or the Batman Museum.
00:03:54Right.
00:03:55Yes.
00:03:55But could you comment on the latest batch of Epstein photos released by House Democrats?
00:04:00Look, the fact is, these photos are a fake news Democrat hoax, okay?
00:04:05Well, even the picture of a bowl of condoms with your face on them and the text saying
00:04:09I'm huge.
00:04:10They're 100% legit.
00:04:11I love those files.
00:04:13I'm in the files.
00:04:14I took a lot of great pictures.
00:04:15Okay.
00:04:16I like that bowl.
00:04:16Okay.
00:04:17I think that's enough questions.
00:04:18The president really needs to rest.
00:04:20Oh, it's true.
00:04:20I have to begin my pre-bedtime self-care ritual, putting a bandage on my hand and covering it
00:04:26with makeup, then adding more layers of bandage and makeup.
00:04:30It's a medical lasagna.
00:04:32Mama mia.
00:04:33I'll be very worried about my health.
00:04:35I'm very ill.
00:04:36Well, then I will brush my teeth before drifting off to dream about Caroline's mouth.
00:04:42Let's get one more shot of it.
00:04:44Look at that mouth.
00:04:45You want to say the line?
00:04:46I don't know.
00:04:47Say the line.
00:04:48I want to see those lips say the line.
00:04:50Live from New York and Saturday!
00:04:51It's Saturday Night Live with Michael Chang!
00:05:10Mikey Day!
00:05:11Andrew Dismukes!
00:05:27Raoui Fineman!
00:05:38Marcelo Fernandez!
00:05:39James Austin Johnson!
00:05:51Colin Jost!
00:05:57Sarah Sherman!
00:06:00Keenan Thompson
00:06:07Bowen Yang
00:06:12Featuring Tommy Brennan
00:06:18Jeremy Cole
00:06:23Dan Marshall
00:06:28Ashley Padilla
00:06:38Cam Patterson
00:06:43Veronica Slowikowska
00:06:47Jane Wickline
00:06:55Musical guest, Lily Allen
00:07:00And your host, Josh O'Connor
00:07:07Ladies and gentlemen, Josh O'Connor!
00:07:12Thank you, thank you, thank you!
00:07:19Thank you! Thank you, thank you! Thank you so much! I'm so happy to be here! I'm Josh O'Connor. Thank you!
00:07:29Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you so much.
00:07:37I'm so happy to be here.
00:07:39I'm Josh O'Connor.
00:07:43And for those of you who know my face,
00:07:46but maybe can't quite place me,
00:07:48no, I am not the mouse from Flushed Away.
00:07:53Although I will say he is quite fetching.
00:07:56I'm an actor who you might know from The Crown.
00:08:00Yes, from Challengers and other, thank you,
00:08:04and other competitive homoerotic dramas.
00:08:07Yes, I know I have a reputation for being what the internet calls a soft boy.
00:08:12I embroider, I scrapbook, I garden.
00:08:16I'm just your average, everyday 65-year-old woman,
00:08:19and I'm just trying to live a quiet life.
00:08:22But you have to be very careful about what you say,
00:08:24because the press will blow everything completely out of proportion.
00:08:28Like, one time, I said that one of my favourite movies is Ratatouille,
00:08:32which is true, it's a great film.
00:08:34But I suppose fans started pitching me as Chef Linguini
00:08:37for a live-action Ratatouille remake.
00:08:40And I'm not very online, so I didn't know that this was a thing.
00:08:44Until the president of Disney Pixar publicly declared
00:08:48that there will never be a live-action Ratatouille remake,
00:08:51no matter how much Josh O'Connor wants it.
00:08:56Do you know how it feels to be publicly rejected from a job I didn't even want?
00:09:01Now, for the record, I don't even want a live-action Ratatouille.
00:09:05I don't have the time for it.
00:09:07I'm already in the new Knives Out film,
00:09:10which, now that I'm saying it out loud,
00:09:14sounds like the perfect name for the live-action Ratatouille.
00:09:18But that's neither here nor there.
00:09:19I'm at SNL, and I'm so honoured.
00:09:22The cast, the crew...
00:09:24And sorry, sorry, for what it's worth,
00:09:25I would kill as Linguini.
00:09:27Can we actually see a picture of him?
00:09:30His ears...
00:09:31His ears are huge,
00:09:33and Ratatouille is basically a queer love story.
00:09:35But I agree.
00:09:36I agree. Let's not do it.
00:09:38Anyway, being here at SNL during Christmastime
00:09:40is magical and joyous.
00:09:44And, guys, you can't make Ratatouille
00:09:45unless you have the perfect cast.
00:09:47There's just no point.
00:09:49I mean, who would play the food critic Anton Ego?
00:09:52Perhaps Jeff Goldblum.
00:09:57No, no, no, no.
00:09:58I mean, yes, but later.
00:10:00We've got a great show for you tonight.
00:10:02Lily Allen is here.
00:10:03So stick around,
00:10:04and we'll be right back.
00:10:28And now, the game where singles mingle.
00:10:31It's Let's Find Love!
00:10:34Hello, hello, and welcome to Let's Find Love.
00:10:39I'm your host, Garth Vader.
00:10:42I don't know why that always gets a laugh.
00:10:43It's just my name.
00:10:45But today, one lucky man will get his pick
00:10:47between three beautiful ladies
00:10:49in his search for love.
00:10:50Let's meet our prince charming,
00:10:52Daniel Schlesser.
00:10:54Hi.
00:10:54I'm Daniel.
00:10:56I'm 35 years old,
00:10:57and I've been told I'm cute,
00:10:58but I don't know.
00:10:59Oh, you know.
00:11:03Now, before we meet our lovely ladies,
00:11:06we would just like to say
00:11:07we have addressed the age discrimination problem
00:11:09here at the show,
00:11:10so we have officially raised the age cap
00:11:12of our contestants from 38
00:11:14to as old as we can find.
00:11:17Wait, what?
00:11:18Let's bring out our ladies!
00:11:20Hi, I'm Giselle.
00:11:24I'm 36.
00:11:25I'm a swim instructor,
00:11:27and I'm looking to cannonball
00:11:28right into your heart.
00:11:34Hi, I'm Trisha.
00:11:35I'm 35.
00:11:36I work in accounting,
00:11:37but the only number I'm interested in
00:11:39is infinity with you.
00:11:41What's going down?
00:11:50I'm Mingam Kresher.
00:11:51I'm 84 years old,
00:11:52and I'm looking for someone
00:11:53to keep me cracking and smacking
00:11:55until my time here on Earth is up.
00:11:59Fantastic.
00:12:00All right, let's get started
00:12:01with our first...
00:12:02Looking for someone to keep me going,
00:12:03get my bones right,
00:12:05keep my bones right,
00:12:06make sure I'm taking my meds right,
00:12:07getting my meals right,
00:12:09getting my proteins right,
00:12:10getting my cheese right,
00:12:11getting my pills right,
00:12:12make sure I'm getting my salmons right,
00:12:14getting my juice right,
00:12:15getting my stuff right.
00:12:19Oh, my God.
00:12:21Let's start the game!
00:12:25Oh.
00:12:27All right.
00:12:29Oh!
00:12:30Oh, oh, oh, oh, um...
00:12:33Okay, looks like everybody's
00:12:34just getting peddled.
00:12:36Okay?
00:12:37All right.
00:12:38Yep.
00:12:38There she goes.
00:12:39She's gonna...
00:12:40Oh, she's gonna back it in.
00:12:42Oh, great.
00:12:42Okay.
00:12:43All right.
00:12:43I think she's teasing.
00:12:45Wonderful.
00:12:46I'm here!
00:12:49Okay.
00:12:50Well, these are some beautiful ladies, Dan.
00:12:53Let's start off with your first question.
00:12:55Okay.
00:12:56Um, contestant number one,
00:12:58we're bound to get under each other's skin,
00:13:00but what is your biggest pet peeve?
00:13:02Ooh!
00:13:03Uh, my biggest pet peeve
00:13:05is when people are being mean to others.
00:13:07Oh, that's so sweet.
00:13:10I love nice girls.
00:13:12No, you don't!
00:13:15Oh, no, no.
00:13:16We're all gonna wait our turns.
00:13:18Okay, contestant number two.
00:13:20Um, when people chew gum
00:13:23with their mouth wide open.
00:13:24Oh, totally.
00:13:26I absolutely hate that.
00:13:28I'm not allowed to have gum anymore.
00:13:31That's what they said!
00:13:33That's what they said!
00:13:36Can that count as her answer?
00:13:38Uh, no.
00:13:40Okay.
00:13:41Contestant number three.
00:13:43Biggest pet peeve
00:13:44is when there's no cake at a wedding.
00:13:45Doesn't make any sense!
00:13:48Makes me want to hurl myself
00:13:50over a bridge
00:13:51there's no cake at a wedding.
00:13:52There should always be
00:13:53hot, moist cake at a wedding.
00:13:55Or why should I go?
00:13:56Why should I go?
00:14:01Am I supposed to answer?
00:14:03I don't think so.
00:14:05Okay, next question.
00:14:06Contestant number one.
00:14:07If we were to leave together,
00:14:09uh, where do you see our future
00:14:11in a year from now?
00:14:12Ooh, hopefully somewhere
00:14:14tropical together.
00:14:16Laughing under the stars.
00:14:18A sense of humor.
00:14:20That's so important.
00:14:21I love that.
00:14:22I gotta joke,
00:14:23my sister's a bitch!
00:14:26Okay, let's move on.
00:14:28Contestant number two.
00:14:30Um, I'd like us to be
00:14:31in the suburbs with one child
00:14:32and a couple little ones
00:14:34on the way.
00:14:35Well, medically impossible,
00:14:36but a really nice idea.
00:14:38And, uh, contestant number three.
00:14:40I know exactly where I'll be
00:14:42in one year from now.
00:14:43Front row opening night
00:14:44of Toy Story 5.
00:14:47The toys are back!
00:14:48And they're wiser
00:14:50than they were before.
00:14:51Woody and the gang
00:14:52have to battle an iPad.
00:14:54And Pixar's got a lot of pressure.
00:14:57They gotta get the story right,
00:14:58get the buzz right.
00:14:59They gotta get Andy right,
00:15:01get the toys right.
00:15:01Or else,
00:15:02why should I go?
00:15:03Laughter
00:15:04Why should I go?
00:15:05Laughter
00:15:05All right.
00:15:11Looks like it's that time
00:15:13to pick your one true love,
00:15:15Daniel.
00:15:16Oh, finally time to pick.
00:15:17Let's go!
00:15:18Woo!
00:15:18Woo!
00:15:19Oh, no, I'm sorry, man.
00:15:20No.
00:15:21Let me see my options.
00:15:22You don't pick.
00:15:23Whoa!
00:15:25Smokin'.
00:15:26Well, that's very flattering,
00:15:29but I think I'm gonna have
00:15:30to go with someone else.
00:15:31Not you, pretty boy.
00:15:32Him.
00:15:33Me?
00:15:35Oh, yeah.
00:15:36Oh, snap.
00:15:36I never get picked.
00:15:37Yeah.
00:15:38Because that's not how
00:15:39the game works.
00:15:40Yeah, bye-bye-bye, boo.
00:15:41I'm in charge.
00:15:42Come on, man.
00:15:42I'm on the back.
00:15:43Let's get our buddies right.
00:15:44Let's go get our salmons right.
00:15:46Let's go get our juice right.
00:15:47Let's go get everything right.
00:15:48Let's go get our meals right.
00:15:50Let's get our salmon right.
00:15:52Let's get our buttermilk right.
00:15:54It's the end of the year,
00:15:56and you know what that means.
00:15:57Honey, Spotify rap just dropped.
00:15:59Oh, my God.
00:16:00I love when they do this.
00:16:02It's a way of looking back
00:16:03at who you were in 2025.
00:16:06Steely Dan.
00:16:06Yeah, that tracks.
00:16:08With shareable stats showing
00:16:09how you compare to people
00:16:11around the world.
00:16:12I'm in Sabrina Carpenter's
00:16:13top 1%.
00:16:14That's so neat.
00:16:15Well, now there's another way
00:16:17to look back at who you
00:16:18truly were this year.
00:16:20Introducing Uber Eats Wrapped.
00:16:23Oh, no.
00:16:24No, thank you.
00:16:25Who studied your patterns
00:16:27and crunched the numbers.
00:16:29Oh, no, I understood what it was.
00:16:30I just don't like that,
00:16:32and I don't want that.
00:16:33Well, we did it anyway.
00:16:34Now you can find out
00:16:35which restaurants
00:16:36you couldn't live without.
00:16:38Taco Bell, Five Guys,
00:16:39Burger King, Chipotle.
00:16:41Guess that explains
00:16:41why the plumber's always here.
00:16:43It's not always here.
00:16:44Toilet's all clear, killer.
00:16:46Oh, thanks, man.
00:16:47No, I got you, boo.
00:16:48No problem.
00:16:49Ha-ha.
00:16:50And learn what food items
00:16:52had you in a chokehold.
00:16:53It says I'm in the top
00:16:541% of nuggets.
00:16:56What does that even mean?
00:16:57Take a wild guess, David.
00:16:58What?
00:16:59That I eat more nuggets
00:16:59than 99% of the world?
00:17:01That can't be true.
00:17:02You're eating nuggets right now.
00:17:06And based on your order history,
00:17:08our math wizards have determined
00:17:09your Uber Eats age.
00:17:11My top food was churros,
00:17:13and my Uber Eats age is dead.
00:17:15Better than mine.
00:17:1652 and fat.
00:17:17I don't know whether I like fat.
00:17:19I do.
00:17:20Hoo-hoo!
00:17:21What woman in the world
00:17:22would like what you just did?
00:17:23And you weren't the only ones
00:17:25serving this year.
00:17:26Check out all the looks you wore
00:17:28to greet your Uber drivers.
00:17:29Who would I even share these with?
00:17:32And we calculated exactly
00:17:34how much money you spent
00:17:35on Uber Eats this year.
00:17:38$24,000.
00:17:40Hmm.
00:17:41Give me one second.
00:17:43Oh!
00:17:44And check out personalized messages
00:17:46from the restaurants
00:17:47that kept you fed.
00:17:48Thank you so much, Melissa.
00:17:50Because of you,
00:17:51we are the number one Wendy's
00:17:52in the country.
00:17:53Ah!
00:17:55Oh, my God!
00:17:56A phone just hit me!
00:17:58It's Uber Eats wrap.
00:18:00You have to tell people
00:18:01you're going to do this.
00:18:02Woo-hoo!
00:18:03Are you out of your mind?
00:18:09All right, Mr. Coleman,
00:18:10thank you for your patience.
00:18:12The doctor will see you now.
00:18:14Hello, patient.
00:18:18Apologies for the delay.
00:18:19I was...
00:18:20delayed.
00:18:21Oh, um, hi.
00:18:22I have with me
00:18:23the results of your blood work.
00:18:25Oh, okay.
00:18:25Is everything okay?
00:18:26To tell you is my greatest wish.
00:18:28But this is a teaching hospital,
00:18:30so my intern
00:18:31who did your blood work
00:18:32will be giving you the results.
00:18:33Oh, okay.
00:18:34That's fine.
00:18:35Very good.
00:18:36Intern?
00:18:39Hello.
00:18:41Oh, my God!
00:18:42Is that my blood?
00:18:44What should I tell him?
00:18:46If it is his,
00:18:47say no.
00:18:49No.
00:18:50Now, please give the patient
00:18:51his results.
00:18:53Okay.
00:18:54Your blood
00:18:56is good.
00:18:59Okay, that's a relief.
00:19:00Excellent job, intern.
00:19:02But are you sure
00:19:03the blood is good?
00:19:05No.
00:19:06Then do not say
00:19:07it's good.
00:19:08And that is the lesson
00:19:09for today.
00:19:10Goodbye.
00:19:12Wait!
00:19:13You didn't even
00:19:14give me my results.
00:19:15Good catch.
00:19:16That was a test.
00:19:17Or perhaps a quiz.
00:19:19No.
00:19:20Quiznos.
00:19:20Now I'm hungry.
00:19:22What?
00:19:23Look, I just want to know
00:19:24if my blood is okay.
00:19:25Doctor, you're four o'clock.
00:19:26Is here?
00:19:27No, is dead.
00:19:28Exactly how I left him.
00:19:30What?
00:19:31Are you serious?
00:19:32I am.
00:19:33And don't call me serious.
00:19:35My name
00:19:36is Shirley.
00:19:39Okay, doctor, please...
00:19:40How did you know
00:19:41my last name?
00:19:43Your name is
00:19:44Dr. Please?
00:19:45Yeah, he's Dr. Please
00:19:47and I'm Shirley Please.
00:19:49Are you two related?
00:19:52I hope not.
00:19:56Oh, my God.
00:19:58Look, can I please
00:19:59just get my test results?
00:20:01I got a date tonight
00:20:02and I need to know
00:20:03if I have to
00:20:03como se dice
00:20:05disclose anything.
00:20:08Of course.
00:20:09The patient is always right.
00:20:11I think the saying is
00:20:12the customer is always right.
00:20:14Well, in a way,
00:20:15the patient is
00:20:16the customer of a doctor.
00:20:18And a horse
00:20:19is the car for a cowboy.
00:20:21That's a joke.
00:20:23Oh, how I love jokes.
00:20:25There's just something
00:20:25about them
00:20:26that makes me laugh.
00:20:32You're not laughing.
00:20:33But I'm smiling.
00:20:34And what is a smile
00:20:36but a laugh
00:20:36that hasn't been born yet?
00:20:39Doctor, you're five o'clock.
00:20:40Is dead?
00:20:40No, it's ugly.
00:20:41Then kill him.
00:20:42I'll try.
00:20:44Now, Shirley,
00:20:45give the patient
00:20:46his results
00:20:47in plain English, please.
00:20:49Your blood is right,
00:20:50good mate.
00:20:51It's proper fit, innit?
00:20:52But your sodium levels
00:20:53are bollocks.
00:20:55So we're prescribing you
00:20:57all that
00:20:58and a bag of chips.
00:21:00What is that?
00:21:01It's a VHS
00:21:02of classic episodes
00:21:03of all that
00:21:04inside a bag
00:21:05of Cape Cod
00:21:06kettle-cooked
00:21:06crinkle-cut crisps.
00:21:09They pair perfectly
00:21:10with lollytops.
00:21:13What are lollytops?
00:21:15They're lollipops
00:21:16but just the head.
00:21:18For when you want
00:21:18to suck on something
00:21:19but not hold it.
00:21:22Doctor, your car...
00:21:23Was towed?
00:21:23No, it was found
00:21:24at the scene of a crime.
00:21:25Exactly where I left it.
00:21:27Look, please just
00:21:28tell me my results
00:21:29now.
00:21:30Fine.
00:21:31See it for yourself.
00:21:32This is your blood work
00:21:36and it says
00:21:38you two are related.
00:21:40Well, guess we'll
00:21:41have to stop doing this.
00:21:52Next week,
00:21:53Ariana Grande
00:21:55with musical guest
00:21:56Cher!
00:22:02Thanks for coming
00:22:20to my cozy little
00:22:21bachelorette weekend,
00:22:22ladies.
00:22:23I know it's lame
00:22:24but I just wanted
00:22:24to do something chill
00:22:25with my girlies.
00:22:27Well, hopefully
00:22:29not too chill
00:22:30because what's
00:22:30a bachelorette weekend
00:22:31without strippers!
00:22:34Oh, what?
00:22:35No, I told you guys
00:22:37it's not that kind
00:22:37of weekend.
00:22:38Strippers really
00:22:38aren't my thing.
00:22:39Okay, don't worry.
00:22:41I got you
00:22:42a different kind
00:22:43of stripper.
00:22:44Strippers that are
00:22:45more your type.
00:22:46Okay?
00:22:47Ladies,
00:22:48meet Augie
00:22:49and Remington!
00:22:58Hi.
00:22:59Do we have consent
00:23:00to enter your home?
00:23:02Sure.
00:23:08Um, hi.
00:23:12You are enough.
00:23:15Oh, my God!
00:23:17Before we get started,
00:23:18um, mind if I finish
00:23:20my book?
00:23:21It was written
00:23:22by this brilliant
00:23:23woman of color.
00:23:25Um, Margaret,
00:23:26where did you find
00:23:27these guys?
00:23:28on a Sally Rooney
00:23:30message board.
00:23:31They're the most
00:23:32sensitive male strippers
00:23:33in all the Catskills.
00:23:35Okay, I hate
00:23:36to be the group
00:23:37horn dog,
00:23:38but are they
00:23:38not gonna strip?
00:23:40Oh, they strip,
00:23:41boys.
00:23:42Oh, why are they
00:23:53wearing two cardigans?
00:23:56Look at Liza.
00:23:57I think it's really
00:23:58working for her.
00:24:00You know,
00:24:01I think the president
00:24:02should be Cynthia Erivo.
00:24:03Oh, God,
00:24:06you're perfect.
00:24:07Okay, I've never
00:24:08seen her like this.
00:24:10I'm still not
00:24:11turned on, y'all.
00:24:11These guys look like
00:24:12frog and toad.
00:24:14When are they gonna
00:24:14drop trow and show
00:24:15that Ticonderoga
00:24:16pork pencil?
00:24:18Ew, Beth,
00:24:19stop.
00:24:20I'm just saying,
00:24:21I want to see
00:24:21some skin.
00:24:23Ask and you
00:24:24shall receive.
00:24:30Wow.
00:24:31Big Doron tattoo.
00:24:33I don't want my
00:24:34strippers to have
00:24:35little beanies
00:24:35and little earrings.
00:24:36I want them to
00:24:37throw ass in a cop
00:24:38outfit.
00:24:40Doron!
00:24:40Throw ass!
00:24:41Throw ass!
00:24:42Wait, look.
00:24:44Now they're dancing.
00:24:48Hey, you.
00:24:50Seems like they're
00:24:51just vibing with
00:24:52each other.
00:24:55What if we...
00:24:56We shouldn't.
00:25:00Unless...
00:25:01We can't.
00:25:02Are they having
00:25:03a will they,
00:25:04won't they?
00:25:06Oh, God, yes!
00:25:07Oh!
00:25:09Can we get
00:25:10a laugh dance
00:25:11at least
00:25:11that's actually
00:25:12their specialty?
00:25:14Hit it, guys!
00:25:15Of course.
00:25:20Whoa!
00:25:20Was not expecting
00:25:22the double jeans.
00:25:24Come here, ladies.
00:25:24you have to forgive
00:25:38yourself.
00:25:38Oh!
00:25:40Oh!
00:25:40I think
00:25:41mine's crying!
00:25:44He got overstimulated!
00:25:45It's okay, buddy!
00:25:47I'm sorry.
00:25:49I was just thinking
00:25:50about the Supreme
00:25:51Court.
00:25:51No, enough!
00:25:54This is not
00:25:55what stripping is!
00:25:57Yeah, and I'm worried
00:25:57Liza's gonna cheat
00:25:58for real.
00:25:59Oh, shut up, Jan!
00:26:01I would.
00:26:04Hey, babe,
00:26:05surprise I made.
00:26:07What the hell
00:26:08is this?
00:26:10We don't want
00:26:11any problems, sir.
00:26:12Oh, yeah?
00:26:13Well, I do.
00:26:14Get over here,
00:26:15fleet foxes.
00:26:16Let's go.
00:26:17Oh, no!
00:26:18Oh, my God!
00:26:19They're fighting!
00:26:21Oh, don't hurt them,
00:26:22Craig!
00:26:23Kill him,
00:26:23Rimey Jazz!
00:26:24Oh!
00:26:25Oh!
00:26:26Ow!
00:26:27Oh!
00:26:28Ow!
00:26:28Please stop!
00:26:29Oh!
00:26:33Now, where were we?
00:26:34What?
00:26:54Oh!
00:26:59Oh!
00:26:59Oh!
00:27:00Oh!
00:27:00Oh!
00:27:01Oh!
00:27:01Oh!
00:27:02Oh!
00:27:02Ladies and gentlemen, Lily Allen!
00:27:22You won't love me
00:27:25You won't leave me
00:27:29You don't touch me
00:27:34Still so needy
00:27:38And I don't know if you do it intentionally
00:27:42Somehow you make it my fault
00:27:47You don't stop talking
00:27:52And I'm just sleepwalking
00:27:57Of course I'm angry, of course I'm hurt
00:28:01Looking back it's so absurd
00:28:03Of course I trusted you and took you at your word
00:28:07Who said romance isn't dead
00:28:09Been no romance since we wed
00:28:11Why aren't we?
00:28:13That's what you said
00:28:15But you let me think it was me in my head
00:28:19And nothing to do with them girls in your bed
00:28:24You don't stop talking
00:28:28And I'm just sleepwalking
00:28:32See your thoughts forming
00:28:37Baby stop it
00:28:38It's three in the morning
00:28:40And I don't know if you do it intentionally
00:28:44Somehow you make it my fault
00:28:48You don't stop talking
00:28:53And I'm just sleepwalking
00:28:58I know you've made me your Madonna
00:29:03I wanna be your whore
00:29:07Baby it would be my honor
00:29:11Please sir, can I have some more?
00:29:16I could preserve all of your fantasies
00:29:20If only you could act them all out with me
00:29:25You don't stop talking
00:29:29And I'm just sleepwalking
00:29:33See your thoughts forming
00:29:37Baby stop it
00:29:39It's three in the morning
00:29:41And I don't know if you do it intentionally
00:29:45Just somehow you make it my fault
00:29:49You don't stop talking
00:29:54And I'm just sleepwalking
00:29:59Hey, hey
00:30:01You won't love me
00:30:04You won't leave me
00:30:09Three in the morning
00:30:10I don't know if you make it me
00:30:11In the morning
00:30:12You don't stop talking
00:30:13You have to write my favorite one
00:30:14If you do it intentionally
00:30:14I'm just bedtime
00:30:15Justnu
00:30:15But you will not be
00:30:16Little you might be
00:30:18Long on the day
00:30:20When you arrive
00:30:22I don't leave me
00:30:23Hey, hey
00:30:25You don't stop dancing
00:30:26Why do I need the time
00:30:27You don't love me
00:30:28You do
00:30:29See your thoughts
00:30:31You don't you
00:30:32I don't have a comparison
00:30:34Really
00:30:35Foolish
00:30:37When you're from
00:30:38It's Weekend Update with Colin Jost and Michael Che.
00:30:55Good evening, everyone.
00:31:01Welcome to Weekend Update.
00:31:02I'm Michael Che.
00:31:03I'm Colin Jost.
00:31:05This week, President Trump led a rally celebrating his handling of the economy, which for some
00:31:10reason he held at a casino in the Poconos.
00:31:14Just kind of weird to say, the future is brighter than ever.
00:31:16Isn't that right, woman on oxygen playing the nickel slot?
00:31:21Trump's speech was supposed to focus on the affordability crisis, but he drifted off topic
00:31:26just a little bit.
00:31:28They don't use the word chief of staff anymore because of the Indians.
00:31:31Can you imagine if Donald Trump married his sister?
00:31:35Do we love minors?
00:31:36I love minors.
00:31:37What?
00:31:38Don't forget.
00:31:39Eggs!
00:31:40I love that the president lost his train of thought and someone in the crowd had to remind
00:31:48him his train of thought was eggs.
00:31:50Sorry.
00:31:51Eggs!
00:31:52As you can see from the sign behind him, the theme of the rally was lower prices, bigger
00:31:57paychecks, which was much better than his original economic message, not my fault, sell your blood.
00:32:03This week, President Trump claimed that affordability is a new word made up by Democrats to hurt him.
00:32:10But if Democrats really wanted to make up a word specifically to hurt Trump, it would probably
00:32:15be fat mincha.
00:32:19President Trump also complained about immigrants from countries like Haiti and asked, why can't
00:32:24we have some people from Norway instead?
00:32:27Or how about someone who's Norwegian and Haitian, like Times Square Elsa?
00:32:31The Department of Homeland Security posted an image of immigration officers in Santa hats with
00:32:41the caption, you're going ho, ho, home.
00:32:44Even worse, Santa retweeted it.
00:32:51DHS Secretary Kristi Noem testified before Congress where protesters interrupted her by shouting the
00:32:58line, the power of Christ compels you from the exorcist.
00:33:03Noem mostly ignored them, but did take one quick look back.
00:33:11Last week, President Trump hosted multiple events at the Kennedy Center, including an award ceremony
00:33:16for Sylvester Stallone, Gloria Gaynor, and rock band Kiss, as well as a musical performance by the
00:33:23village people, which raises the question, is Donald Trump a gay man from 1978?
00:33:32In a new interview, President Trump said that Venezuelan President Nicolas Maduro's days are
00:33:37numbered, as opposed to Trump, whose days are lettered.
00:33:45Trump also said that the proposed merger between Netflix and Warner Brothers' discovery could be
00:33:50a problem, adding, bribe.
00:33:55In response, Netflix is offering Trump one night with the demon hunters.
00:34:02The Archdiocese of New York announced that it will set up a $300 million fund for victims of sex abuse.
00:34:09The church encourages victims to claim the money by sticking their hand in this here hole.
00:34:13Okay, okay.
00:34:22Health officials are reporting a surge in winter vomiting disease, which is better known as SantaCon.
00:34:32This crowd's been there.
00:34:34The holidays are right around the corner.
00:34:36Many of us will be traveling home to see our families.
00:34:39Here to comment is our very own Marcelo Hernandez.
00:34:41Hello, everyone.
00:34:45How are you, Colin?
00:34:46I'm great.
00:34:47I'm great.
00:34:47Are you excited for Christmas, Marcelo?
00:34:49Yes.
00:34:49I love Christmas, man.
00:34:51I can't wait to see the family.
00:34:52I can't wait to meet the new boyfriends.
00:34:55Christmas is the time when someone brings a new boyfriend, and he spends the whole night
00:34:59pretending to be someone he's not.
00:35:01The guy's like, I love the food, Mrs. Hernandez.
00:35:04It's delicious.
00:35:05You don't like the food, Kyle.
00:35:07You like having sex with my cousin.
00:35:09And in my family, there's always an uncle who's big on giving unsolicited sexual advice,
00:35:19you know?
00:35:20He's like, hey, you, come here.
00:35:22Next time you go to the nipple, bite it a little bit.
00:35:26And you're like, I'm 11, man.
00:35:28Bite it a little.
00:35:38That was me when I was 11.
00:35:41So what kind of kid were you?
00:35:45The bad kind, Colin.
00:35:46Listen, I used to behave so bad that Santa Claus used to call me in the summer.
00:35:52My mom hands me the phone, and St. Nicholas himself is like, hey, Marcelo, ho, ho, ho.
00:35:57It's me, Santa Claus.
00:36:00If you don't behave, I'm going to skip your house.
00:36:04And I'd be like, I'm sorry, Santa.
00:36:05I'll behave.
00:36:06And he'd be like, te quiero mucho, Marcelo.
00:36:08Me and my dog, Rudolph, love you very much.
00:36:15That's actually sweet.
00:36:16Yeah.
00:36:16A lot of people used to call me, Colin.
00:36:18Spider-Man used to call me.
00:36:20Spider-Man?
00:36:20Yes.
00:36:21And he'd be like, hey, Marcelo, it's me, your neighborhood friend, Spider-Man.
00:36:25And I'm calling you because your mother's telling me that you are climbing on the walls.
00:36:32You cannot do that.
00:36:33Only I can do that because I was beaten by a radioactive spider.
00:36:40Asà que portate bien.
00:36:41Me and my brother, Superman, love you very much.
00:36:45I'm not sure that was actually super.
00:36:48You know, I actually still get a lot of these calls.
00:36:50Listen to this voicemail that Lorne left me.
00:36:53Whoa.
00:36:53Hey, Marcelo, it's me, your boss, Lorne Michael.
00:36:57Te estoy llamando porque tu mamá me está diciendo que tú no estás pasando mucho tiempo con ella.
00:37:01Me and my brother, Jimmy Fallon, love you very much.
00:37:06His brother?
00:37:08All right, well, let's go back to the holidays, okay?
00:37:10I'm assuming you have, like, a big Latin Christmas.
00:37:15Don't do that, Colin.
00:37:17But yes, I do.
00:37:20We eat pork, we dance, and at the end of the night,
00:37:22my Cuban mom is like,
00:37:24you know what I want for Christmas?
00:37:25A grandchild.
00:37:27But you won't give it to me because you hate me.
00:37:30Oh, my God.
00:37:32Are there any Christmas movies that you guys watch?
00:37:34Yes.
00:37:34We used to always watch Home Alone.
00:37:36And as a Latino kid,
00:37:37that movie was unbelievable
00:37:39because this kid misses the plane,
00:37:42destroys the house,
00:37:43and ruins the vacation.
00:37:44And somehow,
00:37:45this movie doesn't end
00:37:46in a historic ass beating.
00:37:50In the first scene,
00:37:51the mom is like,
00:37:52go to your room, Kevin.
00:37:53And he goes,
00:37:54shut up, Mom.
00:37:55And I'm like,
00:37:56if that was me,
00:37:58that's where the movie ends.
00:38:00Roll the credits
00:38:02in memory of Marcelo Hernandez.
00:38:05Marcelo Hernandez, everyone.
00:38:07Marcelo Hernandez.
00:38:08Marcelo Hernandez.
00:38:13I love that.
00:38:16It's by the man.
00:38:17I like that.
00:38:18According to a new report,
00:38:19people in Long Island spend more money on OnlyFans
00:38:22than some entire Eastern European nations
00:38:24because Eastern Europeans
00:38:26are too busy working on OnlyFans.
00:38:31The Golden Globe nominations
00:38:33were announced
00:38:33with the most nominations
00:38:35going to the movie
00:38:35One Battle After Another
00:38:37and the, very exciting,
00:38:39and the least nominations
00:38:40going to Michael Che's
00:38:42Hold Up, Madea Got a Daughter?
00:38:51A video has gone viral
00:38:53of a runaway horse
00:38:54in New York City
00:38:55galloping down a highway
00:38:56near JFK Airport
00:38:58and good news,
00:38:59he made his flight.
00:39:04I thought you'd like that more.
00:39:07A photo has gone viral
00:39:09of a group of eight students
00:39:10from San Jose
00:39:11forming a human swastika
00:39:13while laying on their high school's
00:39:15football field.
00:39:16Even crazier,
00:39:17it was the result
00:39:18of a skydiving accident.
00:39:19I knew you wouldn't like that one.
00:39:27Police in Florida
00:39:29arrested two men
00:39:30and a woman,
00:39:30good luck guessing
00:39:31which is which,
00:39:32after they were discovered
00:39:36having drunken sex
00:39:38in a Winn-Dixie parking lot.
00:39:40The trio was immediately
00:39:41transported to a Waffle House
00:39:43parking lot.
00:39:44A new bill has been proposed
00:39:47in Congress
00:39:48that would require fathers
00:39:49to pay 50%
00:39:51of medical expenses
00:39:52for a woman's pregnancy
00:39:53and delivery.
00:39:55Fine,
00:39:55but then I'm out.
00:40:01Pantone announced
00:40:02that their color of the year
00:40:03is Cloud Dancer,
00:40:04which they call
00:40:05a billowy,
00:40:06balanced white
00:40:06imbued with a feeling
00:40:08of serenity,
00:40:09a description they stole
00:40:10from my old Bumble profile.
00:40:18Well,
00:40:18there are many theories
00:40:19about how society
00:40:20as we know it
00:40:21could end.
00:40:22Here with a stern warning
00:40:23about the future
00:40:24is our own Jane Wickline.
00:40:27Hello.
00:40:30Thanks for having me.
00:40:32Hi, Jane.
00:40:33So we don't have much time
00:40:34left as a species,
00:40:35so I'm just going to get
00:40:36right into my song.
00:40:37Oh,
00:40:37well,
00:40:38if we don't have
00:40:38that much time,
00:40:39maybe we shouldn't
00:40:39do a whole song.
00:40:40This is called
00:40:41The Greatest Threat
00:40:42to Humanity Right Now.
00:40:43Great.
00:40:46We're programming monsters
00:40:47we will lose control of soon.
00:40:50They're taking every job
00:40:52and singularity's approaching.
00:40:55When they get smarter than us,
00:40:57will they be our doom?
00:41:00I think we all know
00:41:01the topic I am broaching.
00:41:04We don't have much time
00:41:05left to stop them.
00:41:06We must kill them
00:41:07while they're still weak.
00:41:10The child actors
00:41:12from Stranger Things.
00:41:14What?
00:41:16They are adults now.
00:41:17We have to destroy them
00:41:18before they destroy everything.
00:41:21The child actors
00:41:22from Stranger Things.
00:41:24I really thought
00:41:25you were talking about AI.
00:41:27AI is just a distraction.
00:41:29The real threat here
00:41:30is Sadie Sink.
00:41:32And her child's co-stars
00:41:34on Stranger Things.
00:41:37Stranger Things is ending.
00:41:39They'll have so much free time.
00:41:41What if they grow self-aware?
00:41:44We need to keep them occupied.
00:41:46They could mobilize their followers.
00:41:48Sixty million followers.
00:41:49We need to keep them occupied.
00:41:52I just don't understand
00:41:53what you think the danger is.
00:41:55The Stranger Things kids use
00:41:57a cubic mile of water
00:41:59every minute.
00:42:00If there's a hell gate
00:42:03in my Toronto belongs in it.
00:42:05Oh my God.
00:42:06They're squashing the environment
00:42:08and killing the economy.
00:42:11Finn Wolfhard is the devil to me.
00:42:14He's the devil?
00:42:16The six of them
00:42:16are in a room right now
00:42:18preparing to seize
00:42:19the next election.
00:42:20And for these reasons
00:42:22I stand with Vechna.
00:42:26Vechna?
00:42:26These kids are harmless.
00:42:28All they do is like
00:42:28go on hot ones.
00:42:29Colin, things that start funny
00:42:31can get important.
00:42:32Joe Rogan used to make people
00:42:33eat bugs
00:42:34and now he's the president
00:42:35of the United States.
00:42:38Everyone's focused
00:42:39on Stranger Things
00:42:40and they're ignoring
00:42:41the Stranger Thing
00:42:42of the strangers
00:42:43on the internet
00:42:44thinking those six
00:42:45strange kids
00:42:45aren't a danger
00:42:46but they're the devil.
00:42:48We're strange from the truth
00:42:49but I have a plan
00:42:50I'll tie some cheese
00:42:51to a string
00:42:51put a stick under a box
00:42:53thick enough to catch
00:42:53six strange kids
00:42:54I'll be a hero
00:42:56I will win an award
00:42:57You stop the apocalypse
00:42:59President Chadbot
00:43:00will beam at me
00:43:01as we scramble the brains
00:43:03of the six strange kids
00:43:04and make them do
00:43:05make them join the cast
00:43:07of All Spare
00:43:08Jane Wickline everybody
00:43:11My dad is Billy Robby
00:43:12there I'm Kabul
00:43:13We get up there
00:43:14I'm Michael C
00:43:16Good night
00:43:17to celebrate the success of Wicked for Good
00:43:28Universal Pictures is releasing this special deleted footage
00:43:45from the movie that started it all, 1939's The Wizard of Oz.
00:43:52We're here!
00:43:55I'm scared, Dorothy!
00:43:58I am Oz!
00:44:03The Great and Powerful!
00:44:06Who are you?
00:44:09Oh, my name is Dorothy, the Little and White, and we come to ask-
00:44:16Shut the hell up, girl!
00:44:18The Great and Powerful Oz knows exactly why you've come.
00:44:23Step forward, Tin Man.
00:44:27You dare to ask me for a heart?
00:44:31Um, yes, sir. You see, if I could love-
00:44:35Set your trap, you hunk of junk!
00:44:38And you, Scarecrow, you dare to ask me for a braid?
00:44:44Yes, Your Honor, please!
00:44:46You stupid dumbass!
00:44:49And you, is that lion I see?
00:44:53Oh, no! Dorothy, hide me!
00:44:56I bet I already know what you want.
00:45:00Well, you don't have to say it out loud.
00:45:03Oh, it's okay, lion.
00:45:05This pathetic bag of fur came all this way just to ask me for a big ol' thing.
00:45:16A big ol' thing?
00:45:18Oh, Mr. Oz, you got that all wrong.
00:45:22Uh, yeah.
00:45:24Well, my friend Lion is only looking for some courage.
00:45:30Courage!
00:45:31Courage!
00:45:32Is that what he told you?
00:45:33Yeah, right.
00:45:34This psycho is looking for, and I quote,
00:45:37a big ol' thing long enough to see from space.
00:45:43What's he talking about, Wyatt?
00:45:45Uh, I don't know.
00:45:46Maybe he's, uh, messing me up with somebody?
00:45:48I got all his letters right here.
00:45:50They've been writing me for months.
00:45:52This one says,
00:45:53Dear Mr. Oz, it's your boy Lion again.
00:45:57And I really think you should bless me with a big ol' thing that I can drag across the sand and spell my name.
00:46:05Jesus, man.
00:46:06On this one.
00:46:07Hey Oz, it's me, a sick little girl.
00:46:11And my last dying wish is for my friend Lion to have a fang so big, munchkins can use it for a pull-up bar.
00:46:20Sincerely, Lion.
00:46:22What does that even mean?
00:46:26Oh, my God!
00:46:28We should ask for that!
00:46:30Ask for what?
00:46:32Oh, nothing, Dorothy.
00:46:33Oh, come on, fellas.
00:46:34Tell me.
00:46:35Does a big ol' thing mean courage?
00:46:38Uh, you're damn right.
00:46:41Why?
00:46:42Don't tell that!
00:46:43Well, look, guys.
00:46:44I have a very rare medical condition.
00:46:46It's called having the smallest thing in Oz.
00:46:50How small could it be?
00:46:52Well, I'm standing here buck naked this whole time, and nobody's freaked out once.
00:46:58You ain't even got to blur it or nothin'.
00:47:00Wow, I guess we hadn't noticed.
00:47:02Exactly!
00:47:03You see, I need this Mr. Oz so that I can finally walk back to my jungle with my head held high
00:47:09and my big ol' thing swinging like a church bell.
00:47:13Why wouldn't you just tell us that that's what you really wanted?
00:47:16Because I'm a coward, duh!
00:47:19Plus, I didn't know he was gonna say it all loud in front of everybody.
00:47:23Oh, please.
00:47:24You've been here like eight times, man.
00:47:27I'm asking for the same thing.
00:47:28You know how this goes.
00:47:30You've been here eight times?
00:47:32Silence!
00:47:33Enough!
00:47:35No need to argue.
00:47:36The Beneficent Oz has every intention of granting all of you your requests.
00:47:43For real?
00:47:44Really?
00:47:45Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!
00:47:46Yes, but first, all you have to do...
00:47:50Permission to change mine, sir!
00:47:52What?
00:47:54Permission to change my wish from brains to a big ol' thing too, sir!
00:47:59I may not be very smart, but I know I want a big ol' broomstick that can fit three witches!
00:48:04But, Scarecrow, wouldn't you rather have a brain so you could read books and count numbers?
00:48:11No!
00:48:13No?
00:48:14Dorothy!
00:48:15Look at me!
00:48:17No!
00:48:18Well, I'd like to change mine too, sir!
00:48:22But, Tin Man, what about your heart?
00:48:25Well, of course, I still need a heart so I can pump enough blood to that new big ol' wimba-n-yam-a-lay!
00:48:31Right, fellas?
00:48:34Fine.
00:48:35Three big ol' things it is.
00:48:38And as for you, Dorothy...
00:48:40No, don't tell me that dog wants that big ol' thing too!
00:48:55No!
00:48:57But seriously, I need you all to murder a lady for me.
00:49:10Brad!
00:49:12Brad!
00:49:13Brad!
00:49:14Brad!
00:49:15Brad is dead!
00:49:16Yeah, I'm divorced.
00:49:17Okay, great, great, great.
00:49:19The easier one.
00:49:20Hack!
00:49:21Hack!
00:49:22Give me a little hack stack!
00:49:23Legendary unlocked!
00:49:24Oh, fine!
00:49:27Hey, bud, let's take a little hack stacker break, okay?
00:49:30Beep, beep!
00:49:31Sure.
00:49:33Thanks for coming to get a Christmas tree with me, bud.
00:49:35You're welcome.
00:49:37Hey, what's wrong, kiddo?
00:49:39I wish I got to see you on Christmas.
00:49:42I know, buddy, but it's your mom's year.
00:49:44And, hey, I'll see you the week after.
00:49:46And you know the best thing about Christmas, kiddo?
00:49:48It's about...
00:49:49What?!
00:49:50Jackass pieces!
00:49:51I'll f***ing kill you!
00:49:52I got a kid in the car!
00:49:54I spilled my prime.
00:49:57Alright, bud, let's find a tree.
00:50:00Grab your jacket, Brad, it's cold.
00:50:01Uh, I'm fine.
00:50:02I'm not cold.
00:50:05Dad?
00:50:06I'm cold.
00:50:07Yeah, you're a good one.
00:50:10Oh, yeah.
00:50:11This is Primo Pine right here.
00:50:12Yep, this is the one.
00:50:14Hey, Brad.
00:50:15You wanna do the honors?
00:50:16Really?
00:50:17Yeah.
00:50:21I can't...
00:50:23How's it going down there?
00:50:24I can't...
00:50:26Get this.
00:50:27Yeah, try to keep it in one...
00:50:28Try to make one cut.
00:50:29It's...
00:50:30Cause it's a sap.
00:50:31It's all sticky.
00:50:32It's hard to hold the saw.
00:50:35You know what, buddy?
00:50:36Why don't I tag in here?
00:50:39Who's that, bud?
00:50:41That's Emily.
00:50:42The prettiest girl in my class.
00:50:47Okay.
00:50:48Should I go riz her up?
00:50:50Yeah, bud.
00:50:51Do your thing.
00:50:52Go riz...
00:50:53Riz her down, too.
00:50:55Hey, Emily.
00:50:56Hi, Brad.
00:51:01Heh.
00:51:02Look.
00:51:03Sign.
00:51:056-7.
00:51:09Love 6-7.
00:51:13Okay, bye.
00:51:14Bye, Brad.
00:51:16Hey, Doug.
00:51:17I'm back.
00:51:18Oh!
00:51:19Buddy, are you okay?
00:51:21I'm fine.
00:51:23All right.
00:51:24Mission accomplished.
00:51:25Ooh, Brad, look.
00:51:26There's your girl.
00:51:27Here, I'll honk.
00:51:28You wave.
00:51:29Don't, Dad.
00:51:30You'll embarrass me.
00:51:31Oh, come on.
00:51:32Hey, Merry Christmas!
00:51:36Oh, fan-f***ing-tastic!
00:51:48Hey, pal.
00:51:49Hey, Dad.
00:51:50Merry Christmas.
00:51:51Guess what?
00:51:52Ooh, all right.
00:51:53Let's, uh, let's turn the volume down a little bit.
00:51:55Dad, uh, had a couple eggnogs at Sharky's last night.
00:51:58Oh, sorry.
00:51:59Aunt Shannon has diarrhea, so we're not going there anymore, and Mom said that I could come
00:52:03to your house today.
00:52:05Really?
00:52:06Well, that's a Christmas miracle.
00:52:08Merry Christmas, Dad.
00:52:10Merry Christmas, son.
00:52:14Hey.
00:52:16You gotta go.
00:52:17My kid's coming over.
00:52:18Oh, my God.
00:52:19Do you have a kid?
00:52:20Wow.
00:52:21Yeah!
00:52:22Yeah!
00:52:23Yeah!
00:52:24Yeah!
00:52:25Yeah!
00:52:26Yeah!
00:52:27Yeah!
00:52:28Yeah!
00:52:29Yeah!
00:52:30Yeah!
00:52:31Yeah!
00:52:32Yeah!
00:52:33Yeah!
00:52:34Yeah!
00:52:35This final is going to be brutal.
00:52:37Professor Hamner is notorious.
00:52:40Do we want to share our notes?
00:52:42You guys can.
00:52:43I didn't take any, because I knew it already.
00:52:45Simon, dude, you are unreal.
00:52:48I can't believe you're in college and you're only 12.
00:52:51It's chill.
00:52:52I'm just like you guys.
00:52:53Work hard, play hard.
00:52:54No, you're way smarter.
00:52:56Yeah, you could basically be our professor.
00:52:58Probably will be soon, if I stay in academia.
00:53:01That is so badass.
00:53:03Oh, sorry.
00:53:04Is it okay if we swear in front of you?
00:53:06Of course you effing can.
00:53:08I've heard it all.
00:53:09Anyway, I'm here if you guys have questions.
00:53:11Sorry, not if.
00:53:12When?
00:53:14Hey, hon, hope your study group's going okay.
00:53:16I brought your lunch.
00:53:17Heather, get out of here, Heather.
00:53:19Hey.
00:53:19I don't need that.
00:53:20I have a meal plan, Heather.
00:53:21Hey, hon.
00:53:22Heather, go.
00:53:22Don't embarrass me, Heather.
00:53:23Hey, let's get back.
00:53:24What's in it?
00:53:25Impressibles.
00:53:26Favorite strawberry?
00:53:27Both.
00:53:27Leave it.
00:53:28Okay.
00:53:29I don't want to.
00:53:29So, where are we going for spring break?
00:53:36Simon, are you okay?
00:53:37Yeah, defo.
00:53:39If we do Miami, we can get there by train.
00:53:41Um, was that your mom?
00:53:44What?
00:53:45No.
00:53:45That'd be weird.
00:53:46I'm just like you guys.
00:53:48I live in the dorms.
00:53:49I have a roommate.
00:53:50I shower in my shoes.
00:53:51My balls are happening.
00:53:52Oh, um, wait.
00:53:55Who's your roommate?
00:53:56Oh, this random older woman they paired me with.
00:53:59Is it your mom?
00:54:02I don't think so.
00:54:04Hey, Simon, hon, you forgot your jacket for later.
00:54:07Heather, no, Heather.
00:54:08Oh, oh, come on.
00:54:09I mean, I feel like it's cold outside.
00:54:11We're indoors, Heather.
00:54:12Check the forecast, Heather.
00:54:13I can't.
00:54:13And say, Heather.
00:54:14It's the anniversary.
00:54:15Leave it.
00:54:16Okay.
00:54:17And you're sure that's not your mom?
00:54:23Nope.
00:54:23It's just a girl I'm dating.
00:54:25Oh, okay.
00:54:27But I might end it, because I want to be single for Miami.
00:54:30Speaking of, what's the tea?
00:54:32Who's hooking up with who?
00:54:34I don't know if we feel comfortable talking about that.
00:54:36It's cool.
00:54:37I've done it all.
00:54:38I know how it works.
00:54:40One time, this old Ukrainian lady was teaching me Rachmaninoff on the violin,
00:54:44and I could feel her big old breasts against my back.
00:54:48That's awesome, man.
00:54:51Anyway, if you guys need my help, I need an awesome study guide.
00:54:54But, oh, shoot, I think I left it back in my dorm.
00:54:57Hey, Simon, I actually have your study guide here.
00:54:59Heather, you can't just do that.
00:55:00I know you want to do that.
00:55:02Yeah, you anticipate my needs and the needs of others, Heather.
00:55:04Oh, that's great.
00:55:05Coffee.
00:55:05You have done yourself, Heather.
00:55:07You're welcome.
00:55:07You really saved the day.
00:55:08Oh, will you please call me, Mom?
00:55:10No, Heather.
00:55:10You're my peer, Heather.
00:55:11Why?
00:55:12Plus, I'm trying to hook up with this girl, Heather.
00:55:14Oh, I.
00:55:14I can tell she's down, Heather.
00:55:15Oh.
00:55:16She's attainable.
00:55:17She's not too pretty, Heather.
00:55:18I can see that, Simon.
00:55:19Hey.
00:55:21But you can't date adults.
00:55:22You're not the boss of me, Heather.
00:55:23Yes, I am.
00:55:24You need my permission to go to this school.
00:55:26I can yank you right out.
00:55:27Don't.
00:55:28But I can't.
00:55:29Where will I go, Heather?
00:55:29On the street?
00:55:30Now.
00:55:31I can't end up like that.
00:55:32Folding shirts.
00:55:33That old Navy, like Dad.
00:55:34But he likes it.
00:55:34I know.
00:55:35Okay.
00:55:36Hey.
00:55:36Sorry about that.
00:55:41By the way, she's definitely not coming to Miami.
00:55:43We're not going to Miami.
00:55:46It's okay, Simon.
00:55:47That's obviously your mom.
00:55:49You don't have to be embarrassed.
00:55:50Yeah.
00:55:51We all know what moms are like.
00:55:52And yours does seem pretty overbearing.
00:55:55Hey!
00:55:55Hey!
00:55:56You suck that!
00:55:57She is beautiful!
00:55:59She sacrificed everything!
00:56:00She could be a reporter!
00:56:01That's how hot she is!
00:56:03I bet you don't even have a mother!
00:56:06I actually have two gay moms.
00:56:09What?
00:56:09How would that work?
00:56:10Two others?
00:56:11You must be so loved!
00:56:13Look, Simon, I totally get it.
00:56:15You wouldn't know because she kept her maiden name,
00:56:17but Professor Hamner is actually my mom.
00:56:20We're good now, but it took a little while to get used to.
00:56:23Oh, wow.
00:56:24Hi, everyone!
00:56:25Bradley, hon, you didn't know.
00:56:26I didn't come to office hours like everyone else,
00:56:29so I just wanted to drop off your last problem set.
00:56:31Barbara!
00:56:33Don't do this, Barbara!
00:56:34I'm sorry!
00:56:35Barbara, no!
00:56:36I can give it to you later!
00:56:38How did I do, Barbara?
00:56:39You got an egg!
00:56:40Okay, leave it!
00:56:42Heather, there's another mom!
00:56:43A friend for you, Heather!
00:56:43Oh, my God!
00:56:45Oh, my God!
00:56:46Yay!
00:56:48What?
00:56:56Once again, Lily Allen!
00:57:13I know, Nana, this is your fault
00:57:24Messaging you feels kind of assaulted
00:57:26Saw your text, that's how I found out
00:57:28Tell me the truth and its motives
00:57:29I can't trust anything that comes out of his mouth
00:57:32No, I can't trust anything that comes out of his mouth
00:57:36How long has it been going on?
00:57:40Is it just sex or is there emotion?
00:57:42He told me it was stay in hotel rooms
00:57:44Never be out in the open
00:57:45Why would I trust anything that comes out of his mouth?
00:57:49Oh, why would I trust anything that comes out of his mouth?
00:57:52We had an arrangement
00:57:56Be discreet and don't be blatant
00:58:00And there had to be payment
00:58:04It had to be with strangers
00:58:08But you're not a stranger, Madeline
00:58:14Hey, he is telling you the truth
00:58:17Our relationship has only ever been about sex
00:58:20I can promise you that this is not an emotional connection
00:58:22We don't speak outside of the time we spend together
00:58:25And whenever he talks about you
00:58:27It's with the utmost respect
00:58:29You tell me he's telling the truth
00:58:31Is that the case or a line that he fed you?
00:58:33Wanna believe you, but is it a ruse?
00:58:35Lie to me, babe, and I'll end you
00:58:36I can't trust anything that comes out of his mouth
00:58:39I'm not convinced that he didn't
00:58:42In our house
00:58:43Do you two ever talk about me?
00:58:47Has he told you that he doesn't love me?
00:58:48I bet he tells you, tells you he loves you
00:58:50I've gotten old, gotten ugly
00:58:52I wouldn't trust anything that comes out of his mouth
00:58:55No, why would you trust anything that comes out of his mouth?
00:59:01We had an arrangement
00:59:03Be discreet and don't be blatant
00:59:07And there had to be payment
00:59:11It had to be with strangers
00:59:15But you're not a stranger, Madeline
00:59:24I hate that you're in so much pain right now
00:59:43I really don't want to be the cause of any upset
00:59:45He told me that you were aware this was going on
00:59:48And that he had your full consent
00:59:49If he's lying about that, then please let me know
00:59:53Because I have my own feelings about dishonesty
00:59:56Lies are not something I want to get caught up in
00:59:59You can reach out to me anytime, by the way
01:00:02If you need more details
01:00:04Or even if you just need to vent
01:00:06Or anything
01:00:07Love and light
01:00:10Madeline
01:00:11Variety's Actors on Actors and Directors on Directors series
01:00:33Have been a runaway success
01:00:35With Hollywood's biggest stars
01:00:37Having intimate, one-on-one conversations on their craft
01:00:40And this holiday season
01:00:41Get ready to listen to your favorite icons of Christmas
01:00:44Out-complement each other in
01:00:45Characters on Characters
01:00:47With incredible pairings
01:00:48Like Rudolph
01:00:49And the partridge in a pear tree
01:00:51Wow, Rudolph
01:00:53It is such an honor to be sitting across from you
01:00:57Are you kidding me?
01:00:58I'm such a huge fan of your song
01:01:00It's such an honest portrayal
01:01:02Of how many days there are of Christmas
01:01:04Wow, that's
01:01:06Wow, that's
01:01:07Wow, that's awesome
01:01:08Thank you, man
01:01:09So I wanted to start by asking
01:01:11What was your training like
01:01:12Before you started flying with the sled?
01:01:14Can I confess?
01:01:15I actually don't have any formal training
01:01:17No
01:01:18That's true
01:01:19That's incredible
01:01:19And really, I'm just a part of an ensemble
01:01:22Which I know you understand
01:01:23Yeah, well, you know, when we did 12 Days
01:01:26It was, uh
01:01:27All the turtle doves and the maids of milking
01:01:30And when you work on a song like that
01:01:32It's just, uh
01:01:33Like your chosen family
01:01:33I'm gonna be for chosen family
01:01:35Watch as your holiday favorites
01:01:38Like Scrooge and the Grinch
01:01:39Talk about process in a way that makes you go
01:01:42I mean, to get to say the words of Dr. Seuss
01:01:49I mean, what a privilege, you know
01:01:52Of course
01:01:53And how was it, um, working with Max?
01:01:57Oh, Max, the dog?
01:01:58Amazing
01:01:58Yeah, he's a genius
01:01:59He's a genius
01:02:00Uh, yeah, we shot on location in Whoville
01:02:03And the people could not have been more welcoming
01:02:06I mean, what is going on with them politically right now?
01:02:10Oh, it's unthinkable
01:02:12And my 3x heart goes out to them
01:02:15Uh, so tell me about Bah Humbug
01:02:18Was that improv?
01:02:20I'd love to say that it was
01:02:22But that was all Charlie
01:02:23Charlie
01:02:25Oh, Dickens
01:02:26Yeah, yeah, yeah
01:02:26Haven't you ever worked with him?
01:02:29Uh, no, no
01:02:30I'm dying to
01:02:32But not yet
01:02:33Yeah, no, no
01:02:34And don't miss the touching conversation
01:02:37Between two former child stars
01:02:39Um
01:02:42It's, uh, good to meet you, Tiny Tim
01:02:45Uh, it's just Tim now
01:02:47But, uh, it's an honor to meet you, little drummer boy
01:02:50Oh, well, now I go by Drum Daddy
01:02:53Right, right
01:02:56And I hate to ask this, but
01:02:58Could you do the thing?
01:03:01Oh, which thing is that?
01:03:03Come on, man
01:03:04Don't act like there's multiple things
01:03:05Pa-rum-pa-pum-pum
01:03:09Yes!
01:03:10Let's go!
01:03:11It's my childhood, dude!
01:03:12Pa-rum-pa-pum-pum
01:03:13I love you, man!
01:03:15I love you, too
01:03:15And literally the only two women in all of Christmas
01:03:18Mrs. Claus
01:03:19And the grandma from Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer
01:03:22Um
01:03:24I'm sorry
01:03:27I think she might be dead
01:03:29Ah!
01:03:31Where am I?
01:03:33Where are you, people?
01:03:36Varieties, characters, on characters
01:03:38Just let these autoplay on your computer
01:03:40So that a bunch of nice people can still get to work at a magazine
01:03:43Happy holidays!
01:03:44Happy holidays!
01:03:52Ah, cheers!
01:04:01Gosh, when was the last time we all had brunch?
01:04:04Seriously, I love when it's just us
01:04:06No husbands, no kids, no ferrets
01:04:08No offense, Beth
01:04:09Uh, Peeper's, uh, Peeper's passed, actually
01:04:12Oh, God, we're so sorry
01:04:14No, no, no, he passed on coming here
01:04:16He had a big week
01:04:18Oh, well, send Peeper's our love
01:04:21Wait, have you guys heard Lily Allen's new album?
01:04:24I love it
01:04:25Obsessed
01:04:25Oh, my gosh, her songwriting is genius
01:04:28Like, her lyrics are so specific
01:04:30Agreed
01:04:31Okay, but wait
01:04:32Someone has to take the last piece of this flatbread
01:04:34Oh, I think that's mine
01:04:36Oh, sorry
01:04:38Caroline, do you want it?
01:04:40No, no, go for it
01:04:41Are you sure?
01:04:42Yeah, yeah, of course
01:04:43Oh, me
01:04:43We ordered a flatbread
01:04:48It came with eight slices
01:04:50The math is quite simple
01:04:51Eight slices divided
01:04:53By just four people
01:04:55We should each get two
01:04:56Yet Megan took three
01:04:58And so I was screwed
01:05:00And I thought
01:05:01I thought that that was quite safe
01:05:06Eat it!
01:05:08I'm not even hungry
01:05:09I'm totally, like, GLP-1 vibes
01:05:12Oh, okay, thanks
01:05:14Uh, so is anyone doing anything after this?
01:05:16Oh, yeah, I have really fun plans
01:05:18I'm taking Peepers to get an IUD
01:05:19Oh, I didn't realize Peepers was a girl ferret
01:05:24Yeah, she's just mask
01:05:25Oh, excuse me, sir
01:05:29Uh, sorry
01:05:30This mark is a little too spicy for me
01:05:32Oh, so sorry about that
01:05:34That's our mistake
01:05:35Mm-mm
01:05:35When he ordered his drink
01:05:38He said, can you make it spicy?
01:05:40I said, when we do spicy
01:05:42It can be really spicy
01:05:44He said, that's great
01:05:45Cause I really like spicy
01:05:47But now he is pissed
01:05:49Cause his drink is so spicy
01:05:51And I thought
01:05:52I'm going to spit in his drink
01:05:56Uh, just let me fix that right away, sir
01:05:59I'll be right back
01:05:59Oh, wait
01:06:01I have some news
01:06:03Wait, have you guys seen All's Fair?
01:06:05Yes, it's so camp
01:06:06I'm obsessed
01:06:07Sarah Paulson is unbelievable
01:06:09This always happens
01:06:11I get interrupted
01:06:13Whenever I
01:06:14Oh, my God, Kim!
01:06:16Hi, so sorry I'm late
01:06:18I hope it's okay
01:06:19I brought Ryan
01:06:20Yeah
01:06:21Sure
01:06:22We can get another chair
01:06:23Totally
01:06:24This is so awkward
01:06:26I was blindsided
01:06:27I specifically asked
01:06:29If I was invited
01:06:31I don't like her friends
01:06:33They don't get my jokes
01:06:35Even though I have good ones like
01:06:37Beep, beep!
01:06:39Make room for the daddy-mobile
01:06:41I woke up!
01:06:44This car runs on daddy juice
01:06:46They thought that that was quite strange
01:06:54That wasn't me
01:06:59It just fell
01:07:00How does a mimosa fall on its own?
01:07:03I just did that
01:07:04I did it with my mind
01:07:06I've been practicing magic since 2009
01:07:09And I thought
01:07:11I'm like Matilda by Paul
01:07:15Excuse me
01:07:18Uh, waiter
01:07:19This man just spilled a mimosa on me
01:07:21Oh, John
01:07:23I can help with that
01:07:24This is so awkward
01:07:27I do not work here
01:07:29I'm Lily Allen
01:07:30It's not that high
01:07:32Last week I wore this to a cheesecake factory
01:07:36I worked a whole shift
01:07:37Because I'm way too polite
01:07:39Wait, oh my God
01:07:42Look who it is
01:07:44It's me
01:07:45No, it's
01:07:46Peepers
01:07:48I guess she decided to come after all
01:07:52And I thought
01:07:54I thought that that was quite strange
01:07:58With my thanks to Lily Allen
01:08:17And to Kota Johnson
01:08:19Thank you very much
01:08:20And good luck
01:08:21Thank you
01:08:22Thank you
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