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00:00.
00:05Rob and I are back.
00:07It looks a bit like you're my guide.
00:10Throwing ourselves into the biggest challenges.
00:13Check, check, check.
00:15With the help of the world's best.
00:17You still own the office.
00:20Together, we're going on a journey of discovery.
00:23No, no, no.
00:25To find out what we like.
00:27Oh, wow, Rob, that's amazing.
00:29And what we don't.
00:31It just feels like it's all going to come out.
00:33This week, we're entering one of the world's most prestigious competitions.
00:37I like this one.
00:38Wildlife Photographer of the Year.
00:40Just giving me an immediate reaction.
00:41Unwrapped with burrito.
00:42We'll be venturing into the depths of the jungle.
00:45This looks like the shittest Indiana Jones reboot of all time.
00:48To find out if we can snap an exhibition-worthy photo.
00:51Say hello to the Wildlife Photographer of the Year.
00:59We'd arrived at the Natural History Museum for the Wildlife Photographer of the Year exhibition.
01:05It's their annual competition, showcasing the best nature photography on the planet.
01:09And the winning images are seen by millions around the world.
01:13It's the long-necked turtle. What a waste of a neck in there.
01:16If I'm having a photo of a long-necked turtle, I want to see the neck out on display.
01:20I really think if you weren't a comedian, you could work at this museum.
01:23Yeah?
01:24Taking Rob Beckett around a wildlife photography exhibition
01:28is like taking one of your small children that's recently had some sort of head injury.
01:33Rob, look at this.
01:34Oh, that's a cute little fella, isn't it?
01:36What was that little Disney film about the mouse?
01:38I want to live in America. I want to live in America.
01:41Um...
01:42What was that little mouse?
01:44Fievel, you're talking about?
01:45I don't know.
01:46Well, first of all, you were singing a song from West Side Story.
01:49OK.
01:50Is there no mice in that?
01:55Thankfully, we weren't just here for Rob's take on the photos.
01:59We were here because of the Natural Artistry winner, Rachel Bigsby.
02:03She challenged us to try our hand at wildlife photography.
02:06Hi, I'm Rachel.
02:07And we were meeting competition judge Roz Kidman-Cox
02:10to chat about Rachel's winning photo.
02:13You can see immediately that it's got drama.
02:16She's managed to choose that arrangement with those gannets getting the black behind the white birds.
02:23With over ten years behind the lens and shots that look more like paintings and photos,
02:27Rachel was the ideal person to get us started.
02:30Now, the key to successful wildlife photography is equipping yourself with the tools and the knowledge.
02:36If you go in blind, you can have really, really good luck.
02:39Why are you looking at me when she said that?
02:41I'm not blind.
02:43Right, sorry.
02:44I carry on Rachel.
02:45I didn't say you up.
02:47No, but you looked across at me and then you completely unbroken eye contact.
02:51And I could see because I'm not blind.
02:53Luckily, it was this eye.
02:54Right, sorry, carry on.
02:55It's OK.
02:56To give yourself the best possible chance, you need to go in thinking of what kind of shot you'd like.
03:00Yeah.
03:01Tell me if I'm wrong.
03:02Is it better to use a long lens zoom or just get nearer?
03:05Well, getting nearer isn't necessarily always going to work.
03:09Unless you've got incredible stealth and understanding, we don't really want to encourage you to get too close to wildlife.
03:14Right, so it's not frowned upon for lensing it up?
03:16No, absolutely lens it up.
03:18But you have got to have a bit of passion.
03:21Yeah.
03:22I'm sorry, you're not coming across as being passionate about it.
03:24It's fair.
03:25OK, you sound a lot like my wife, Rob.
03:27If you don't mind me saying it.
03:29No.
03:30That is just my general energy.
03:31But he's coming across.
03:32I'm sorry.
03:33No, the grass is just in me.
03:34What can I say?
03:35No, it's fine, Roz.
03:36Rachel had challenged us to see if we could cut it as wildlife photographers.
03:41And amazingly, Roz had agreed to put our best photos on display in one of the world's most prestigious exhibitions.
03:48They even reserved us a spot at the Natural History Museum.
03:51The big question, could we actually take a photo good enough to stand alongside the professionals?
03:57What do you think our chances are, genuinely?
04:00Well...
04:01It's not a good start, is it?
04:03Yeah.
04:04How many entrants were there?
04:06Yes, 50,000.
04:07One in 50,000?
04:09Mm.
04:10Do you know what?
04:11I don't mind them odds.
04:13Let's be clear.
04:14Rob and I have never done wildlife photography before.
04:17And now we're entering the world's leading competition.
04:20The standard was insanely high, so we needed all the inspiration we could get.
04:25Okay, what we're gonna do, we're gonna play a little game, alright?
04:27Yeah.
04:28Yeah.
04:29I just want you to look.
04:30Yeah.
04:31Just give me an immediate reaction.
04:32And go.
04:33Unwrap a burrito.
04:35Okay, good.
04:36I think I'm gonna be good at this.
04:38Because really, the camera's doing most of the work.
04:40It's just sort of being there.
04:41Get me a camping chair.
04:43Couple of beers.
04:45Clickety-click-click.
04:46Bang.
04:47I'm up on the wall.
04:49Okay, what's happened here?
04:52What?
04:53Um...
04:54Looks like someone's just come back from Magic Mike after their hender.
04:57I was thinking, what is the worst thing that you could interpret this photo as being?
05:03You beat it by quite a long way.
05:04Yeah, I deleted quite a few other options.
05:06Rob really does have a level of self-belief that massively outweighs his level of ability.
05:14Why wouldn't Rob, after spending ten minutes walking around an exhibition, think that he
05:18could win Wildlife Photographer of the Year?
05:20It's classic Beckett.
05:22Our mission was set, but to give ourselves a fighting chance of taking a photo that might impress Roz,
05:27we needed to find somewhere that was full of wildlife.
05:30And that was gonna take some proper thinking.
05:38A few months later, we had a decision to make.
05:40So, Rob, where are we gonna go to take these photos?
05:43We need to make it easy.
05:44Yes.
05:45You know when they show Simba to the animals in Lion King?
05:47Yes.
05:48That's where we need to go.
05:49Basically, I asked Rachel for some suggestions.
05:50Okay.
05:51And this is what she's come up with.
05:53Pembrokeshire, UK.
05:54Puffins.
05:55Yeah.
05:56Okay.
05:57I'm not going out my way to take a photo of a puffin.
05:59Okay, here's something.
06:00Yeah.
06:01Africa.
06:02That feels a bit like Fiat 500 basic bitch, I've been on a safari.
06:06We need to go deeper.
06:07Well, I don't want to lead you too much, but this is 100% the one I think we should do.
06:12Go on.
06:13The forest, rivers and caves are home to a huge variety of wildlife that provides no end of photographic opportunities, including orangutans, elephants, tigers and rhinos.
06:25In a forest?
06:26The only place on earth to have all of those creatures.
06:29Oh, come on.
06:30Rob Beckett.
06:31Rob Beckett.
06:32That's like the Toys R Us of animals.
06:33All under one roof.
06:34Rob Beckett.
06:35Rob Beckett.
06:36We are going to Sumatra.
06:38Where the fuck is that?
06:40The decision was made.
06:42We were heading 6,000 miles east on a 21 hour journey to Sumatra, Indonesia's largest island, where we'd be starting our trip in the Gunung Lusa National Park.
06:56Sumatra is home to the Gunung Lusa ecosystem, one of the most diverse forests on the planet.
07:02It's the last place on earth where elephants, tigers, rhinos and orangutans all still live together.
07:10So we'd come to get our first proper taste of nature photography.
07:14And our adventure was already off to an unusual start.
07:17Hello.
07:18How are you?
07:19Oh, that's refreshing though.
07:23Woo!
07:28We were travelling by Gunung Lusa's jungle taxi.
07:31Inflatable rafts used to reach remote parts of the park.
07:34We were heading deep into the jungle, where we'd meet our guide.
07:38This is nice.
07:39This feels very magical.
07:41And I just feel like...
07:42This looks like the shittest Indiana Jones reboot of all time.
07:47So what would be the ideal photo for you?
07:49What's your dream photo?
07:50I think an orangutan.
07:51The gentleman in the jungle, whatever he's called.
07:53Do you know what I'd love to get?
07:54Orangutan riding a tiger.
07:56What's your plan going to be with photography?
07:58Are you going to just keep taking photos of everything?
08:00Or, like, try and get the perfect shot?
08:02I approach photography the same way I approach having children.
08:05Spray and pray.
08:06Yeah.
08:10We're the nicest people, look.
08:11It's absolutely deserted here, by the way.
08:13Yeah, real middle of nowhere apart from...
08:15We're not like a fucking universal.
08:16That dim church.
08:17What's going on here?
08:20Where are we?
08:21Where are we?
08:27A little bit more me.
08:28Come on!
08:29Come on!
08:30Come on!
08:31Come on!
08:32Come on!
08:33Come on!
08:38What's the real way?
08:41Pull up! Pull up! Pull up!
08:42It's just good to be just totally alone and just soak in the nature.
08:45Yeah, it just...
08:46I just feel so removed from the rat race, you know?
08:51I didn't know there were rapids.
08:53Oh, okay.
08:55Does this be rough?
08:56Yeah.
08:57Yeah, okay.
08:58Yeah, okay.
08:59Immediate, yes?
09:00I'll just hold on then.
09:01Should we hold on to each other?
09:02No, no.
09:03Hold on.
09:05Oh, Rob.
09:06It's actually...
09:07Jesus!
09:12Oh, my God!
09:13Right.
09:15Those rapids aren't relaxing.
09:17As long as it stays at that level, it'll be all right, I think.
09:19Ass up.
09:22Not seen one bit of wildlife.
09:26And just like that, Rob was up close with some wildlife.
09:29A massive spider.
09:33Fuck, there was a spider on there.
09:34What was that?
09:35What was that?
09:36What was that?
09:37Fuck off.
09:38Oh, get me out of here.
09:40He's here.
09:41Oh, fucking Kim.
09:42Woo!
09:44Oh!
09:45Oh!
09:46Fucking...
09:50Right.
09:52Get me to the shore.
09:53Now!
09:56A first encounter done, now it was time to meet the man who'd help us find the rest.
10:01Dharma Pinem.
10:02Finally you come, Dharma.
10:03A conservationist and local legend.
10:05Nice to meet you.
10:07For over 30 years, he's helped protect the wildlife here and show visitors around the Gunung Loser.
10:13We can find tigers, rhino, elephants.
10:17You may get some of the good shot of the beautiful orangutans.
10:22Yeah.
10:23Yeah, yeah.
10:24Yeah, yeah.
10:25So, let's go.
10:26Welcome to Gunung Loser National Park.
10:29Dharma was taking us to meet multi-award winning photographer, Ule Infansasti.
10:34Hello.
10:35Rob.
10:36Oh, hi, Rob.
10:37Nice to meet you.
10:38Having had images published in Nat Geo and Time magazine.
10:42Oh, wow.
10:44That's amazing.
10:45Today he had agreed to join us on a trek to give us some expert photography advice.
10:50So, all we needed now was for Dharma to find us some wildlife.
10:53That afternoon, we went on our first expedition to a conservation sanctuary in the National Park in search of something special.
11:07Oh, my God, there's elephants.
11:08Look at this.
11:09Wow.
11:10It's amazing.
11:11Your first wildlife.
11:12It was incredible just to be near them, but a full family of elephants, that was something else.
11:18Dharma has reached into his very deep shorts pockets, pulled out a couple of elephants.
11:23It's unbelievable.
11:25He's gone so big early tours.
11:27It's insane.
11:28Day two, he's probably going to be a unicorn.
11:31They're the largest animal roaming the island, and being sanctuary elephants, comfortable enough with people,
11:37if we couldn't get a photo here, we were in serious trouble.
11:40Ulet was on hand to help us get our heads around the kit.
11:43This is a zoom.
11:45Oh, okay.
11:46And then zoom out.
11:47And give us some tips on how to take a good photo.
11:49The important thing is the patience.
11:51Patience?
11:52Yeah.
11:53So you communicate with them.
11:55So you can talk to the animals.
11:56Yeah, it's like in your heart.
11:57But Rob was taking talking to the elephants a bit too literally.
12:00Come here, Dumbo.
12:02Look at me, baby.
12:03Oh, there you go.
12:04Give me more of that.
12:06As the elephants made their way into the rainforest,
12:08we were given the all-clear to follow them for a chance to capture something unique.
12:12Well, I've got one photo that looks all right, but I don't know if it's a good one or if it's just weird.
12:16Oh, baby.
12:17Oh, he's baby.
12:18The daughter.
12:19Milk.
12:20So you can see it actually having a bang on it.
12:21I've just found an elephant sucking on its mum's tear and I've took a photo.
12:25Is that allowed?
12:27Who knows?
12:28Yeah.
12:29As we continued to follow the elephants, it became clear there was a problem staying on their tail.
12:35You know, suddenly I've got a lot of photos of their behind.
12:37Yeah.
12:39If there's an exhibition just on their genitals, I think I've got it covered.
12:43What I would say is, what Rob and I capture today is what I would call elephant-only fans.
12:48There's a lot of arse and genitals, not a lot of face, which is what people pay for.
12:52I've been told I haven't got an account.
12:54After following the elephants for half an hour, we barely had a decent picture between us.
12:59But as the herd headed for a cool-down, we had no excuse not to get an exhibition-worthy photo.
13:07Oolet said, I said it for you, it's going to be so easy.
13:10And then we took some photos of the elephants and looked at what Oolet was getting and what we were getting.
13:15Oh, wow!
13:17That was so much better than mine.
13:19My photo looked like somebody using a camera for the first time.
13:23His photo looked like the story of the elephant in one image.
13:28The truth is, Rob and I don't know how to take photos.
13:31Oh, shit, I've missed the good stuff.
13:34So we've come to the wildlife, but we can't capture it.
13:38Ooh!
13:39Is there a really strong argument that we should have practiced with the camera equipment in the UK?
13:42Yeah, absolutely.
13:44I don't shit at photos.
13:45Absolutely.
13:46Have we wasted a day in Indonesia?
13:47Certainly.
13:48It's just so massive and like...
13:49I mean, we're on day one.
13:50It's the biggest 180 from when we were at the actual museum.
13:53Yeah, and you know what? I was wrong. Hands up.
13:56It's a nightmare. I don't know how they do it, these wildlife photographers.
14:03Rob and I are trying to take a photo worthy of Wildlife Photographer of the Year.
14:07What do you think our chances are? I don't even know.
14:10Well...
14:11Not a good start, is it?
14:12No.
14:14With a space waiting for us on the wall of the Natural History Museum that would be seen by millions, the pressure was on.
14:20So we travelled to Sumatra to give ourselves a fighting chance.
14:29Oh, my God, there's elephants!
14:31But so far, all we got...
14:32Come here, Dumbo.
14:34...was an elephant's backside.
14:35I am shit at photos.
14:38Determined to do better, the next morning we headed downriver to meet Dharma in search of something a little more inspiring.
14:45When we were in London, looking around the exhibition, you were quite confident and cocky and sort of annoying.
14:55How confident are you feeling now?
14:57I feel like I'm going to be far too stressed about dying to focus on taking a photo.
15:03Yeah.
15:04If I emigrated and lived here...
15:05Yeah, I'd love it, first of all. Let me tell you that.
15:07I'd be dead in a week.
15:09I think that is so optimistic.
15:12But you think you'd last a week at it on your own without Dharma?
15:16It's so awesome.
15:17I'd give you 90 minutes.
15:20Fortunately for me, then, we did have Dharma.
15:23Yes, Dharma.
15:24And after yesterday's elephant trek,
15:26Rob and I were looking forward to another day of breathtaking wildlife.
15:30Are you good?
15:31Good, good.
15:32She's still alive.
15:33Still breathing.
15:34Yeah, still.
15:35So, all right.
15:36Today will be our first proper explorations to the Batcave.
15:44The Batcave?
15:45Yeah.
15:46It's a cave.
15:47And it smells bad.
15:48Smells bad?
15:49Yeah, because bat poo.
15:51Oh, yeah.
15:52No, bat poo.
15:53Bat poo.
15:54All right.
15:55Spiders?
15:56Spiders could be not.
15:57Could be not.
15:58Could be not.
15:59Could be not?
16:00Could be not.
16:01Because anywhere, you are in the rainforest area, but there is some possibility.
16:05Okay.
16:06Okay.
16:07Hopefully, you can get good shot with your camera.
16:10Yeah.
16:11And you need this, because cave usually dark.
16:13Usually?
16:14Usually dark.
16:15Yes, Dharma.
16:16Okay, let's go.
16:17Are you wearing that?
16:18Yeah, I'm fine.
16:19I'm good with that.
16:20Okay, let's go.
16:21Let's go, Dharma.
16:26What an opportunity.
16:27The main issue is everything that's involved I hate.
16:31Oh, no.
16:32Fucking hell.
16:34So, cave, no thank you.
16:36Bats, no thank you.
16:37Spiders, go fuck yourself.
16:39We're not even in the bloody cave yet.
16:41Us going into that bat cave is like taking two virgins into an orgy.
16:46Neither of us have a clue what we're doing.
16:49There's gonna be some screaming.
16:51A lot of, uh, what is that?
16:54And then some, I don't think I want to do this anymore.
16:58Can I torch on?
16:59Uh, no.
17:00Oh, for fuck's sake.
17:01Come here.
17:02You'll need that.
17:03There you go.
17:04Oh my God, it's a cave.
17:05That's the wrong one.
17:06You've got the red on.
17:07Look like the police.
17:08Oh my God, it's a cave?
17:09Yeah.
17:10All right then, we move deeper to the cave.
17:11Deeper.
17:12Yeah.
17:13All right then, we move deeper to the cave.
17:15Deeper.
17:18The cave was formed of three large chambers that go deeper to the Gunung Lusa rainforest.
17:23Dharma was taking us to the bats, which, unfortunately for us, was in the third and final chamber,
17:29almost a kilometre deep underground.
17:33Oh, this is horrible.
17:35Dharma, don't take us too near anything that moves, yeah?
17:37Yeah.
17:38So there's gonna be lots of insects here?
17:40Uh, yeah.
17:41Oh, God.
17:43Look at that.
17:45Rob.
17:46Rob.
17:47Yeah, Rob, you're gonna have a look.
17:48Yeah, me.
17:49Why me?
17:50Go have a look, Rob.
17:51Spider.
17:52I'll leave it out.
17:53Dharma.
17:54What kind of spider?
17:55What spider is it?
17:56A friendly one.
17:57A friendly one?
17:58How do you know?
17:59Where is it?
18:00Oh my God, you big bastard.
18:01What is that?
18:02A spider.
18:03Yeah, I know.
18:04What type?
18:05I think that's as far as it goes.
18:06Right, okay.
18:07That's all we've got.
18:08Let's go.
18:09Let's go.
18:10This one.
18:11Rob.
18:12Sorry.
18:13I didn't realize I was gonna run up like that.
18:14Right, okay.
18:15Ah!
18:16Oh!
18:17Rob.
18:18Sorry.
18:19Sorry.
18:20Sorry, something just dripped on me.
18:21Water drip.
18:22Water drip from the top.
18:23Okay.
18:24It's a water.
18:25Sorry, I'm looking at a spider and something lands on my shoulder.
18:27You can forgive me for shitting myself.
18:29Yeah.
18:30Yeah.
18:31But just don't shit yourself near me.
18:32The spider was our first opportunity to snap some wildlife.
18:37But as we took out our cameras, that was when we realized that this time our photography skills
18:42weren't going to be the only problem.
18:44Oh, my God.
18:45Why are we going in the dark to take a photo?
18:46We're struggling with the light.
18:47Okay, ready?
18:48Once you do see something, you can't take the photo with the light on because it gets blown
18:56out.
18:57So this is what you do, you have your head torch, right, you press the button halfway
19:01focus and snap.
19:03Put the light on the thing, half focus and snap.
19:07What kind of photography requires you to look away as you take the fucking photo?
19:13It had been a terrifying start and now Dharma was taking us deeper into the caves in search
19:19of bats.
19:20Oh, that's adorable.
19:22It's better not to look at the walls, isn't it?
19:24Because you won't see stuff.
19:26And as we headed further in, it was no longer just the fear of the wildlife that was worrying
19:30us.
19:31Fucking hell, Dharma.
19:33Are you winding me up?
19:35This is awful.
19:37For two middle-aged men, scrambling through tiny gaps and jagged rocks was becoming a much
19:42bigger problem.
19:44Oh, bloody hell, fuck.
19:47I've got a little, like, health tracker.
19:49It just told me I was playing far the side.
19:52It was tough going.
19:54Oh, my God.
19:55You all right?
19:57Yeah, I'm at Isha's card.
19:59And as we left the first chamber for the next...
20:01Right.
20:02It's sucking up and it's like climbing a mini mountain.
20:05Thankfully, Dharma was on hand to help us get through it.
20:09Calm.
20:10Yeah.
20:11Slow.
20:12Curly.
20:13Be good.
20:14What's embarrassing is me and Romish have got all the gear on and Dharma's jumping about
20:18in a pair of flip-flops.
20:19But then I suppose he's used to it.
20:21He's grown up here, hasn't he?
20:23Stick him on a tube.
20:25Tell him to get from Waterloo to Finsbury Park.
20:28You know what I mean?
20:29We've all got our own habitat.
20:34But all our hard work was paying off.
20:37As after nearly an hour of dragging our sad bodies through bat hoop-covered rocks,
20:42we were finally entering the bat chamber.
20:45Oh, my God.
20:46Look at that.
21:00It's 40 minutes of slipping and tripping up and going,
21:05and thinking of your wife and children.
21:07And at the end of it are 30 of the most hideous fucking creatures I've ever seen in my life.
21:1431 for us with Rob.
21:18It had been a mission just to get there.
21:20But once we did, we only had one strategy.
21:23Spray and pray, baby.
21:25Okay, come and look at me, you little bat bastard.
21:29We took hundreds of photos as quickly as we could.
21:32And compared to the spider, we were getting better in the dark.
21:36Oh, I've got some good ones there.
21:37But compared to the professionals, we were still nowhere near their level.
21:42So, let's go.
21:43So, is it this way back out as well?
21:45Yeah.
21:46Fucking hell.
21:53So, how was it for you?
21:54Well, we did get some photos of those disgusting little upside-down rats.
21:58But, yeah, I don't...
22:00It's very tiring.
22:02Very hot in there, wasn't it?
22:04It was very hot, yeah.
22:05It was 97% humid.
22:07Is that right?
22:08I don't know what that means.
22:09Humidity.
22:10Well, 100% humidity is the sea.
22:12So, you're underwater.
22:13But we were 97% of the way there.
22:15We're not 3% away from being in the sea.
22:16Well, I don't know how it works, but 100% humidity must be water.
22:19Look.
22:20I wasn't in the cave.
22:21When you're in the cave, you can't go...
22:23If there was 3% more water in here, we'd be in the sea.
22:25Well, get me 3% more and we'll check.
22:27I am wet, though.
22:28Me too.
22:29I'm half seal.
22:30I'll tell you what is 97% humidity.
22:32My gooch.
22:33Oh, my anus is pure water.
22:34That's 103.
22:36Anyway.
22:37I...
22:38My skin is disgusting.
22:39I think I might have lost weight, though.
22:40Mm.
22:41I feel like we're on Celebrity Fat Club.
22:43I don't know.
22:44Make the fat ones go tunnelling through cave holes
22:46that can't fit through while a little fella with flip-flops
22:48flies through.
22:57It was hard.
22:58But it's one of those...
23:00I would describe it as one of those once-in-a-lifetime experiences.
23:02And by once-in-a-lifetime, I mean I'm never fucking doing it again.
23:05Ever.
23:08Hi.
23:09Hi.
23:10This can't be real.
23:15This cannot be real.
23:18Brilliant.
23:19Do you know what?
23:20It's the perfect end to today.
23:23About two hours getting no decent photos.
23:27Bring on the thunderstorm.
23:29Please.
23:37Rob and I had deep into our second day in Simμα.
23:39day in Sumatra and we still didn't have an exhibition-worthy photo. So with time
23:43running out, Damo had arranged for us to go on a nighttime photography mission.
23:47But given the weather, it was the last thing we wanted to do.
23:51Well the conditions are sheer. They are like, do you know what these conditions
23:55are like? When that guy tried to steal the embryos in Jurassic Park and that
24:00thing sprayed the stuff in his face. I'm half expected to see a goat on a string
24:05and then I look again and it's disappeared.
24:10We were on the edge of the rainforest to try something called night herping.
24:15Basically going out into the jungle to find snakes and amphibians that we could
24:19try to photograph. Everything was against us but Damo told us not to worry as he
24:25had brought along some help. I asked my best friend to lead you on the night track.
24:32Assisting us on this hellish walk was Dahmer's friend, Ipau, a snake expert.
24:37Ipau, are any of the snakes poisonous?
24:39Number one is King Cobra. King Cobra? There's King Cobra here?
24:42Yeah, I can bite you. Have you ever been bitten?
24:44Yeah, I can bite. I'm already bite King Cobra.
24:46You've been bitten by King Cobra?
24:47No, of course. Look at this.
24:49Fucking hell.
24:50Oh my God.
24:51Yeah, and they've got them here, I think?
24:52Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cool.
24:53I can bring to you lucky for snake and knife.
24:55Okay.
24:56You okay on it?
24:57That sounds good, man.
24:58That sounds great, man.
24:59I mean, I wish we'd asked that question after the walk, but cool, let's do it.
25:04Okay, okay.
25:05Let's find some.
25:06Let's go.
25:07Let's go.
25:08There's fucking King Cobras here. You know King Cobra?
25:10There could be one right round here. There's deadly shit out here.
25:16Oh, come in. Come in. Come in. I see this one snake. I see this one snake there.
25:21Where? There, there. Brown back. You see?
25:24Oh, yeah.
25:25Is that poisonous?
25:26Ah, this not strong. No, it's not strong. When I touch this snake, it can change in colour.
25:30Nah, we're all right with that colour, to be honest.
25:32Yeah.
25:33Hippal. Now, Hippal, great guy. Would I put me and him together? Absolutely not.
25:37If I arrived in a stag do with someone who didn't know that well when Hippal was there,
25:40he'd probably be the last person I ended up chatting with.
25:42I love this snake. It's very good. I love this.
25:46You see? Also, surely, you've got to stick on a pair of boots and then.
25:50You've got to stick on a pair of boots and long sleeves for herping.
25:52I mean, I don't even go out in odd flip-flops to do the bins.
25:55He's sliding about, picking up cobras. No wonder it bit him.
25:59Oh, the greedy one.
26:01This viper.
26:02Little viper bastard.
26:03Yeah.
26:04Ah.
26:05This one.
26:06When I bet you coma.
26:07Two week.
26:08Two week coma?
26:09Yeah.
26:10Two week? Yeah.
26:11Wow, man.
26:12Shall we move on, then?
26:13Yeah.
26:14I do think this is rock bottom.
26:15I thought the Batcave was bad, but as we were going through the jungle, I was thinking nostalgically
26:20about the Batcave, and that became sort of my happy place in my head.
26:24As I walked through the jungle and Ipple pointed out another really poisonous snake.
26:29But it's good colour.
26:30It's a great colour.
26:31Good colour.
26:32Good coma colour.
26:33Yeah.
26:34At one point in there, I thought I might as well get bit.
26:36At least I don't get to leave.
26:37I'm just going to put my arm out in front of him.
26:39If I have a bang on that, mate, I'll get two weeks in hospital.
26:42Be easier than this.
26:43It is a low point when you're wishing for a coma.
26:48But despite the thunder, the lightning, and the snakes that put you in comas, best friends
26:54Ipple and Dahmer were still in high spirits.
26:57Look at this.
26:58Dancing insects?
26:59Dancing insects.
27:00And, almost unbelievably, their enthusiasm was starting to rub off on us.
27:05Ipple, this is such good herping, man.
27:07Yeah, yeah.
27:08We're doing some good herping, bro.
27:09This is great, you know?
27:10You know, I think Dahmer, he'd be a great tour guide in Ibiza.
27:14Like, he is just like, he's just got this mad vibe.
27:18Oh, cat, cat, cat.
27:20It's going to be crazy, man.
27:22And then he shows his best friend, and his best friend, they've both been taking the same
27:27thing.
27:28Both absolutely off their tits on herp, and they want you to join them.
27:31Things are on the up, and what made it even better...
27:33Look, look here.
27:34Oh, that's a good one.
27:35...we were starting to find some less deadly wildlife.
27:38Hey, prog, prog, come in.
27:40Prog, prog, prog, prog.
27:41So now we can get close enough to bag some half-decent photos.
27:45Don't say that.
27:47That's good herp.
27:49Great night.
27:50Five stars trip advisor.
27:52Get your earp on.
27:54It's a good night herping, eh?
27:56Yeah, great herping.
27:57Yeah.
27:58Some of the best herping I've ever done.
27:59Yeah, yeah.
28:00Dahmer is like, in the data...
28:02Sorry, it's just a lightning, so it's lightning again.
28:04It's a bit of lightning, so I got slightly distracted by the lightning.
28:09The herping had been a success, and after our second day in the jungle, we now had at
28:13least one photo we were proud of.
28:17So what did you make of herping?
28:19Erm...
28:20I'd say, when I was in the middle of that jungle, the worst place I've ever been in the world.
28:25Mm.
28:26And I've done night buses through Peckham.
28:27Yeah.
28:28But as herping goes, five stars.
28:29I suspect I'd prefer it not in a thunderstorm.
28:31What I did like, though, was meeting Dahmer's best friend.
28:34That was sweet, wasn't it?
28:35Yeah, really sweet.
28:36My best friend.
28:37Just imagine them just coming out here at one in the morning.
28:38It's a quick herp.
28:39Fancy bit of herping.
28:40You see the bite on his arm?
28:41Yeah.
28:42Jesus Christ.
28:43I don't think, if I was recommending them as a tour guide, if I was giving them some advice,
28:47I'd say, don't open with the King Cobra stuff.
28:49Those weren't odd flip-flops as well, did you see that?
28:51Yeah.
28:52I mean, listen, the fact they were odd wasn't the big concern.
28:54Flip-flops.
28:55How's he wearing flip-flops?
28:56Absolutely wild.
28:57I wasn't thinking, get there matching, mate.
28:58I was thinking, get some fucking boots on, you lunatic.
29:016am tomorrow, have another herp?
29:02Yeah, absolutely.
29:03Yeah, let's go.
29:04Let's go.
29:05Let's herp.
29:06Ipple's still out there, by the way.
29:07Is he?
29:08Yeah, he's taken one of his sliders off just to be sassy.
29:12Rob and I are attempting to take a photo for Wildlife Photographer of the Year.
29:17If it's good enough, it'll be displayed here.
29:19Absolutely, if it's good enough, yeah.
29:21Competition judge Roz Kidman Cox had even reserved us a space in an exhibition seen by millions.
29:31After two days in Sumatra, surrounded by wildlife, all we had to offer was the underside of a frog.
29:37But from day one, Rob had his heart set on something else.
29:41What's your dream photo?
29:42I think an orangutan.
29:43The gentleman of the jungle, whatever he's called.
29:45So today, our guide Dharma was leading us deep into Gunung Lusa, in search of the king of the swingers.
29:51I'm excited because he reckons we're going to see orangutans.
29:55That's the shot we want.
29:56But first, we were meeting back up with photography expert, Ule.
30:00Good. How are you?
30:01Yeah, good.
30:03Good.
30:04Okay.
30:05He was loading us up with all the tech.
30:06You want to open it?
30:07Yeah.
30:08So if we did find an orangutan, we couldn't miss.
30:09Oh, God.
30:10Oh, fuck off.
30:11Oh, my God.
30:12You're taking a fist?
30:13Yes.
30:14That's mental.
30:15What?
30:16This can't be.
30:17Yeah.
30:18This is the super tele.
30:20Yeah.
30:21It's a tele-zoom.
30:22This is 600 millimeters.
30:24Yeah.
30:25And then, yeah.
30:26So that goes in that?
30:27Uh-huh.
30:28Didn't you have a little poke about it in the woods?
30:29We might as well have stayed in England and taken them from that.
30:31So that goes around your neck?
30:32Jesus Christ.
30:33You can't wander around like that.
30:35That is...
30:36Ule, that's not real.
30:38That's real.
30:39Do you reckon they'll see me coming?
30:41It was our last shot.
30:46One last trip with Dharma and it wasn't going to be easy
30:49because we were looking for a critically endangered species.
30:52With only a few thousand Sumatran orangutans left,
30:55spread across thousands of miles of jungle,
30:57the odds weren't in our favour.
30:59Today is everything.
31:01Everything.
31:02I don't want to overstate it.
31:04The success of the trip rests on what happens in this jungle today.
31:08If we don't find an orangutan today,
31:10this has been a massive fucking waste of time.
31:13We had a long day ahead,
31:14but Dharma's 30 years of experience in the rainforest
31:17and his work with the Sumatran orangutan society
31:20would hopefully deliver us a competition-worthy photo.
31:29Really?
31:30How can you?
31:31For the male, we call that long calls,
31:35to telling the single female I am here.
31:39Right.
31:40And the sounds look like...
31:41Whoop!
31:42Whoop!
31:43Whoop!
31:44Like that, which is...
31:45Whoop!
31:46Yeah!
31:47Whoop!
31:48Whoop!
31:49And it can hear about, what, two kilometres away.
31:51Yeah.
31:52Hold on.
31:53Shall we have a go?
31:54Whoop!
31:55Whoop!
31:56Whoop!
31:57Whoop!
31:58Whoop!
31:59Whoop!
32:00Whoop!
32:01Whoop!
32:02Whoop!
32:03That's Lisa coming.
32:04Yeah.
32:05It worked.
32:06You're saying that Lisa's an orangutan that's responding to a mating call?
32:10No, I'm saying she's responding to your mating call.
32:12Dharma was a fountain of jungle knowledge.
32:16Rob was saying what he saw.
32:18Big old bastard tree, that, innit?
32:20What's this tree, Dharma?
32:22Er...
32:23This is other type of, er...
32:25Old rocket.
32:29Yo, you love that one, didn't you?
32:30I'm getting RFOL.
32:32You're gonna use that on your next door.
32:34Ah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
32:39Three hours into our trek, we hadn't taken a single photo.
32:42It was boiling and we were struggling.
32:46I could have been up in my life.
32:47I feel like I'm boiling a bag turkeys.
32:49We'd covered over eight kilometres, but it was hard going.
32:53Oh, God.
32:54Oh, you all right?
32:55Yeah, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine.
32:57Even armed with our mating calls...
32:59Whoop!
33:00Whoop!
33:01Whoop!
33:02We still hadn't seen an orangutan...
33:04Whoop!
33:05...and I was starting to give up hope.
33:06Oh, God.
33:08Never ends, is it?
33:09How big is this jungle?
33:10One million hectares.
33:12So many hectares.
33:13We could afford to lose a bit.
33:14Well, no, no.
33:15We want to keep it for the algorithms.
33:16No, just kidding.
33:17Just a bit of environmental banter.
33:18The hours of walking were starting to get to Rob.
33:21Are we going to see an actual orangutan today, do you think?
33:24Close the finger.
33:25I like Dharma.
33:27I think he's a great guy.
33:28He is difficult to read in that he's incredibly positive about everything.
33:32So it's highly likely at the end of the day, he'll just go,
33:35We didn't find any orangutans.
33:37And then we'll just have to live with it.
33:38And then I assume Rob will pummel him to death.
33:42Shit.
33:44What's just that?
33:45Yeah, well...
33:46We'd been on our feet for hours, and still no sign of an orangutan.
33:50The day was getting on, and soon we'd have to start heading back.
33:55But then...
33:56Look at that!
33:59Wow!
34:00Man!
34:01It's looking at you, Rob.
34:02Oh, my God!
34:03Look at that!
34:04Do we do the noise?
34:05Do we see the noise?
34:06No, no, no, no.
34:07I'm not here.
34:08I'm not here.
34:09I'm not here.
34:10Oh, my God.
34:11Oh, my God.
34:12After a long and hot four hours of searching, we'd finally found a female orangutan.
34:17Right, let's get the cameras out.
34:18Camera!
34:19I'll get yours out.
34:20You get mine out, OK?
34:21OK.
34:22But this was the first time he used our massive telephoto lens, and they handled like scaffolding
34:27poles.
34:28Oh, fuck off.
34:29Must have made me to hold up.
34:30Oh, God.
34:31Is it coming down?
34:32This was the moment we'd been waiting for, and we were making a mess of it.
34:36Why's it keep moving, the bastard?
34:38It's as well, are this?
34:39Can I have it?
34:40I've got the back of it.
34:43And just like that, she disappeared.
34:45Go on.
34:46Go on.
34:47Shall we chase it?
34:49No.
34:50No, OK.
34:51It's a good decision.
34:52Yeah.
34:53You are so lucky, man.
34:54Yeah?
34:55You are.
34:56I don't think you'll think that when you see the photos.
34:58Look, I've got that.
35:00Dharma delivered the moment, but we've completely failed to photograph it.
35:06I literally cannot believe this just happened.
35:08I mean, as soon as she saw our cameras, she moved.
35:11All we had to do was take the shot.
35:12Yeah.
35:13And we couldn't deliver.
35:14No.
35:15We've done a nearly 20-hour flight, four or five-hour trek.
35:18Yeah.
35:19You found us in Wrangutan and between us at one photo.
35:21Is there one chained up anywhere?
35:22I've got one in the group, though.
35:25It's difficult to say, but it was a massive cock-up.
35:29As soon as we got the cameras out, it moved like it didn't want to be on Sky.
35:33It was just like, do you know what?
35:34I'm only going to do terrestrial.
35:36Yeah, I've got nothing here.
35:38It's going to find Attenborough.
35:39It's...
35:40I can't believe...
35:41I've got absolutely fuck off.
35:44It's like there.
35:46I've got the same camera they used to shoot Jupiter.
35:49Right, Dharma, thank you very much.
35:51That was amazing.
35:52You delivered.
35:53Thank you so much.
35:54Is it just back the four hours we came?
35:57Yep.
35:58Great.
35:59Okay, cool.
36:00Off we go.
36:01We had four hours of walking ahead.
36:03Just enough time to reflect on how badly it had gone.
36:06I don't even know if I can talk to Lisa and the kids about it.
36:09Dad's back.
36:10Oh, my God.
36:11Show us the photo of the orangutans.
36:13I haven't got any, son.
36:15But...
36:16But you saw them, didn't you?
36:17Yeah.
36:18You said it was really close, yeah?
36:21So, did you get a photo?
36:22No.
36:23What's the matter, Dad?
36:24Did you not have a good camera?
36:25I had the best son.
36:26Was it a rubbish lens?
36:29It was the biggest lens you could get.
36:31But you still didn't get a photo?
36:32No.
36:33Why?
36:34Because your dad's shit.
36:38I hate you, Dad.
36:39I hate me too, son.
36:42What?
36:43What was it?
36:44I want to have a run at that.
36:45I know.
36:46Oh, my God.
36:47Look at that robe.
36:48That's amazing.
36:49Oh, yeah.
36:50Yeah.
36:51That's so good.
36:52It's a good spot.
36:53Oh.
36:54That's amazing.
36:55I'm getting a leaf.
36:57Where is it?
36:58Where's it gone?
36:59Oh, for fuck's sake.
37:01It's there.
37:02Whoa.
37:03It's heavy.
37:06She's a hungry girl.
37:08Lunch time.
37:09This time.
37:10This time, we were better prepared.
37:12And I had a good feeling about some of my photos.
37:14You're a legend, Dharma.
37:15Well, congratulations.
37:16You've done it.
37:17You've done it.
37:18Thank you, bro.
37:19Congratulations.
37:20This is amazing.
37:21The hours of struggling through the forest suddenly felt like nothing.
37:25If this was what wildlife photography is all about, I was into it.
37:28What was it?
37:29Oh, no, no, no.
37:30Oh, no, no.
37:31Oh, no, no.
37:32Oh, no, no.
37:33Oh, no, no.
37:34Oh, no, no.
37:35Oh, my God.
37:36Oh, no.
37:37Oh, no, no.
37:38Oh, no, no.
37:39Oh, my God.
37:40That's amazing.
37:41Hey, I'm falling.
37:42Finally.
37:43I'll tell you what.
37:44We've had a stroke of luck.
37:45Because we thought we were done.
37:46We had an absolute howler with the first one.
37:48We're walking through.
37:49Then big daddy boys out there.
37:50Sitting there.
37:51Big old plate face.
37:52Just free target.
37:53Nice looking at you.
37:54We've decided which one's comedy before.
37:55Didn't move.
37:56I'm going on one knee.
37:57I'm fucking getting into this.
37:58We actually nailed him.
37:59Got full frontal.
38:00I'm going on one knee.
38:01I'm going on one knee.
38:02I'm going on one knee.
38:03I'm fucking getting into this.
38:04We actually nailed him.
38:05Got full frontal.
38:06I'm going on one knee.
38:07I'm going on one knee.
38:08I'm fucking getting into this.
38:09I nailed him.
38:10Got full frontal and open jaw.
38:12It's got a win, isn't it?
38:13Oh, smash that.
38:14Yeah, you're the man.
38:17We've done it.
38:18Proper photos of one of the rarest species on the planet.
38:22We definitely had something for Roz.
38:24Even if Ron was still at sixes and sevens with his camera.
38:31Oh, my God.
38:32You don't look down the old thing.
38:33You just look on it like an iPad.
38:34What?
38:35Yeah.
38:36You've not been looking down the old time?
38:37No, I've just been using that.
38:38It's wild that is.
38:39I can't be arsed to look down the old, mate.
38:40Jesus Christ.
38:41You've got to look down the old.
38:42Let me try holding up to my eye.
38:43Yeah, yeah.
38:44As a photographer would.
38:45Oh, that's so much better.
38:47You're like Arnold Schwarzenegger in Commando.
38:52Say hello to the wild blood photographer of the year.
38:56Lucky you.
38:57We're not expecting this.
38:59We've got three.
39:00Yeah.
39:01Yeah.
39:02I'm scientific.
39:03They're not endangered.
39:04It's a good bit of PR.
39:05It's been amazing.
39:06I mean, it's such a rare animal to see.
39:13Was that enough around the time?
39:16Fucking leave us alone.
39:18It was time to say goodbye to Dharma.
39:23He never stopped smiling even when we were falling apart.
39:26And he delivered when we needed it most.
39:29Dharma, that was amazing.
39:30Oh, thank you.
39:32All right, Dan.
39:33Thank you so much.
39:34Three orangutans.
39:35Three orangutans.
39:36It's been incredible.
39:37We've done so many amazing things.
39:38Yeah.
39:39The caves.
39:40Caves.
39:41Elephants.
39:42Elephants.
39:43Bridges.
39:44Orangutans.
39:45Unbelievable.
39:46We've been so lucky with what we've seen.
39:47We've been really lucky.
39:48Yeah, you are.
39:49You are the luckiest person in this planet at the moment by seeing the big daddy boy.
39:52The big daddy boy.
39:53The big daddy boy.
39:54The big daddy boy.
39:58All right, Dan.
39:59We've returned to civilization to start sorting through the thousands of photos we'd taken
40:23since we'd arrived in Sumatra.
40:26Now we had to select two of our best each to send to competition judge Roz.
40:31OK.
40:32There was a lot of rubbish.
40:33That shit.
40:34Really bad, that one, yeah.
40:36But there were a few that stood out.
40:38Oh!
40:39That's the one I like.
40:40That is good.
40:41That's a big yawn.
40:42That's the best so far.
40:43It had taken hours, but we'd selected two photos each to send to Roz.
40:49I was sending in a night time frog and my female orangutan looking off into the middle distance.
40:56I was going all in on big daddy boy.
40:59He looked good whatever.
41:00Big smiley boy.
41:02And easily photo of the week, big yawn boy.
41:06There's a couple of shots in there that could be quite good.
41:09And I'm really gutted to say that the best one might have been taken by Rob Beckett.
41:15So with the photo sent to Roz to judge, all we could do was wait.
41:23And the next day, we got an answer.
41:26Hello.
41:27Hello Roz, it's Rob and Rob.
41:28Hello.
41:29Hello, hello.
41:30So you made it?
41:32Roz, it's tough out here.
41:33I think we've got good photos, but it's a harsh place.
41:36Yeah, now.
41:37I got them overnight.
41:38I've had a good look.
41:39Okay.
41:40And actually, I was quite surprised.
41:44I was impressed in fact.
41:46Wow.
41:47You've actually done very well.
41:49Oh, thank you.
41:51I really liked the little form.
41:53It looked like it was about to try and eat something.
41:56It had an attitude.
41:57That was my photo.
41:58I was really passionately taking it.
42:00Okay.
42:01But the one I decided on I really liked was the female.
42:05And she's looking to one side.
42:07Oh.
42:08Got one again.
42:09And the light is on her.
42:10The light has caught her eyes.
42:12Just as a glint in her eye.
42:14Incredibly, Roz had liked all mine.
42:17And none of Rob's had even got a mention.
42:19But I thought I'd better at least pretend to be gracious about it.
42:22Do you know why we like the yawning one?
42:25It's because it was like a bit of an action shot.
42:27That's why we thought that was better.
42:28Yeah.
42:29And teeth and stuff.
42:30Yeah.
42:31And the side on the left.
42:32It's just too distracting and messy with the light coming through.
42:37Yeah.
42:38Well, it is a jungle, Roz.
42:39What do you want me to boot?
42:40Retire it?
42:41Well, you know...
42:42A cup of bamboo wall, Roz.
42:44Give us a chance.
42:45It's a jungle.
42:46Well, we're coming onto the wall now.
42:48Oh, okay.
42:49I just wanted to say, you did do well.
42:53Yeah.
42:54You know, joking aside, I hadn't expected shots that would be good enough to put on the wall.
42:59Oh!
43:00Oh!
43:01So, my favourite one will be on show at the Wildlife Photographer, the exhibition at the Natural History Museum.
43:09Really?
43:10Yeah.
43:11So, well done.
43:12Oh, my God!
43:13So, middle distance is going on the wall.
43:14Middle distance on the wall.
43:15Thank you, Roz.
43:16I'm buzzing.
43:17Is there any space for another one?
43:20Yeah, it would probably be my second one, isn't it?
43:22No, it's the one.
43:23Yeah, it would be.
43:24Shit.
43:25I'm sorry.
43:26Don't worry, yeah.
43:27I know what it's like.
43:28You're tired for space at the Natural History Museum.
43:31You once had a dinosaur in the middle of it.
43:33Famously...
43:34It typed the old rule of space.
43:35Famously...
43:36Famously devoid of walls.
43:40I'm buzzing, Roz.
43:41That's amazing news.
43:42I can't believe it.
43:44All right.
43:45All right, see you soon.
43:46Bye.
43:47Bye.
43:52So, after travelling over 6,000 miles across the globe...
43:56Never ends, is it?
43:57...trekking with elephants...
43:58Come here, Dumbo.
43:59...crawling through caves...
44:01Oh, my God.
44:02You spray and spray, baby.
44:04...and dodging coma-inducing snakes...
44:06There's King Cobra here.
44:07Yeah.
44:08...we finally managed to capture a shot worthy...
44:10Oh, my God.
44:11...of the Wildlife Photographer of the Year exhibition.
44:13Oh, that's right, yeah.
44:14...and what made it even better...
44:16...was that Rob didn't have a single picture on the wall.
44:20I thought I'd nailed it, to be honest.
44:22Yeah.
44:23Well, you know, she's exciting.
44:25Photos going up.
44:26Photos going up.
44:27I would say, though, we've done pretty well here...
44:29...considering how bad our photos were...
44:31...to the good ones we've got.
44:33I think it just goes to show you...
44:35...that, like, if you've got a bit of determination...
44:37Yes.
44:38...you've got a guide that takes you exactly to where the animals are...
44:40...and somebody's showing you how to use the camera.
44:42And about eight grand's worth of equipment.
44:43Yeah.
44:44You know, so if you do have access to that...
44:45...I'd say, you know, anyone can get involved in this competition.
44:48There are no barriers to entry.
44:50All you've got to do...
44:51...is have a 15-year comedy career...
44:53...build yourself up to the point where you've got enough profile...
44:55...to do a show on Sky...
44:56...then have the amount of technical support that we had...
44:58...in order to take one photo that's good out of 15,000.
45:00Yes. We've made it.
45:01Yeah.
45:02You're on the wall, baby.
45:03Yeah.
45:04And unfortunately, because there's not enough wall space, I'm not.
45:05No.
45:06Well, I'm going to go hose down my gooch.
45:07Yep.
45:08Thank you, Indonesia.
45:10Let's get me to Bromley.
45:11Yeah.
45:12We're still alive, baby.
45:13I'm going to have a cheese sandwich and Estella when I go.
45:15I see trees of green...
45:20...red roses too...
45:23I see them blue...
45:26...for me and you.
45:29And I think to myself...
45:34...what a wonderful world.
45:41Yes.
45:43I think to myself...
45:48...what a wonderful world.
45:54I think to myself...
45:59...to to the corner of my head.
46:00Oh, yes.
46:02Yes.
46:05Oh, yes.
46:13You do.
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