Happys Place - Season 2 Episode 03- Straw Man
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00:00Okay, so I believe these are the three finalists, Chance, Buddy, and Gunner.
00:06Are you picking out a rescue dog?
00:07No, a baby daddy.
00:11Man, you can order anything online these days.
00:14She's not ordering a person.
00:17She's just interested in their, you know, contributions.
00:22How do you like to open that package by mistake?
00:25Sorry.
00:31Yeah, sorry. I forgot this is serious business.
00:34It is. And your juvenile jokes are making it harder for Gabby to make a decision.
00:39There's just so many to choose from. And they're all so different.
00:43Well, I know one thing they got in common.
00:46They all needed a hundred bucks.
00:50That's funny. You're funny.
00:51You're funny.
00:52Yeah, you're funny.
00:53And, uh, why isn't it juvenile when Emmett makes a joke?
00:58Cause zip it, that's why.
01:01Oh my God, you still haven't picked a donor yet?
01:04Well, I just don't want to make a mistake.
01:06Okay, what do you like most about the three candidates?
01:09Well, Gunner is from Australia.
01:11And I think it would be so cute if my baby had an accent.
01:14Yeah.
01:16Good day, Mom.
01:20Okay, Gunner's out. What about the other two?
01:22Honestly, my clear favorite is Chance.
01:27Then what's the problem?
01:28It is such a dumb name.
01:30I mean, am I really supposed to take a chance on Chance?
01:33We don't care about his name.
01:36We only care about what's in his jeans.
01:38And yes, I heard that.
01:42Look, I don't know why you are getting so upset.
01:45Gabby, we've been doing this for weeks.
01:47And we're no closer to making a decision than when we started.
01:50Well, I am sorry.
01:51But this is not at all how I imagined it.
01:53You know, someday my kid's gonna ask me,
01:55Mommy, how did you meet Daddy?
01:57And I'll say, Daddy was mailed to Mommy's house
02:00in a sterile straw packed in dry ice.
02:04Excuse me, I have to go tell Emmett something.
02:09Gabby, I can't pretend to know what you're going through.
02:13And I know it's odd.
02:14But trust me, nobody else does.
02:16I need to go tell Emmett something.
02:31All right, Gabby, we've seen everybody.
02:33It's time to make a decision.
02:35Chance.
02:37I picked Chance.
02:37You mean it?
02:38Yes.
02:39Almost.
02:40Maybe.
02:41You know what?
02:42Let's just draw straws.
02:46That was a poor choice of words.
02:50Excuse me, I gotta go tell Emmett something.
02:55Sometimes it feels like a big old fight
02:59To get through the day and sleep on through the night
03:03But here you'll find a place
03:05That'll surely lift your spirits
03:08You belong in Hat Beach Place
03:11It's okay, sweetie.
03:16We'll figure something out.
03:18Thanks, Daddy.
03:19Hey, what's wrong?
03:21Kimmy had an extra credit assignment
03:22and it's just not coming together.
03:24Sounds like it calls for root beer.
03:27Can I, Dad?
03:28No is what will tell your mom.
03:33Just so you know, Kimmy,
03:34I lived for extra credit when I was your age.
03:37What was it?
03:39Extra paper?
03:40Bonus worksheets?
03:43Reenacting the signing of the Declaration of Independence
03:45with all of your friends?
03:47She was trying to get an entrepreneur
03:49to come and talk to class.
03:51But apparently Beyonce was busy.
03:53She aims high.
03:55As did Beyonce.
03:57I don't know.
03:58Maybe I should just lower my expectations.
04:00Maybe.
04:01People definitely told me to do that
04:03when I was your age.
04:05Did you?
04:06No.
04:06I sent 15 emails
04:08to German Chancellor Angela Merkel
04:10until she agreed
04:11to a two-minute phone interview
04:12for my school paper.
04:15Really?
04:16Really.
04:17You won't know
04:18what you're capable of
04:19until you try.
04:20So,
04:21keep shooting for the stars.
04:23Wow.
04:24Are you busy Tuesday?
04:26Because I'd love it
04:26if you'd speak to my class.
04:28In the words of Angela Merkel,
04:31Yeah!
04:33Yay!
04:34That's so sweet of you, Isabella.
04:38Aw.
04:40Understudy to Beyonce.
04:43Not bad.
04:52Hey,
04:53are you still mad at me
04:55for taking so long
04:56to choose a baby daddy?
04:57I'm not mad at you, Gabby.
04:58I'm just frustrated.
05:00I wish you'd make a decision.
05:01Well, in that case,
05:02I think there is someone
05:04that you should meet.
05:05Come on.
05:06Come on.
05:06Come on.
05:09Well, where is this person?
05:11Bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing.
05:12Whoa, who's that?
05:18Chance.
05:19Chance, chance.
05:21Like I take a chance
05:21on chance, chance.
05:24Yeah.
05:25Steve found him on the internet
05:26and then he lured him here
05:27with a coupon
05:28for a free hamburger and fries.
05:31You did what?
05:32I know.
05:32I told Steve
05:33he didn't need to add the fries,
05:34but he insisted.
05:36I don't care about the fries.
05:37What is he doing here?
05:39Well, if I'm going to choose him,
05:40I need to get to know
05:41the man behind the profile.
05:43That's a dumb idea.
05:44I think I want to pick him.
05:45You're a genius.
05:47All that is left
05:48is for you to meet him
05:49and give him
05:50the final seal of approval.
05:51Why?
05:53Why do you need my opinion?
05:55Because you have good judgment
05:56and I bought a timeshare
05:57in my 20s.
06:01Fine.
06:03Well?
06:03I like him.
06:04He chews with his mouth closed
06:06and he's a clippopotamus.
06:08That's what we coupon clippers
06:09call each other.
06:12Who knew that world
06:13was so clever?
06:16Hey, I'm Bobby.
06:17I own this place.
06:19How's things going so far?
06:20Great.
06:20Thanks.
06:21You know, this is like
06:21the friendliest bar
06:22I've ever been to.
06:24I even met your accountant.
06:26Oh.
06:27Well, we like to feel
06:29that every guest
06:30could be a part of the family.
06:32Sorry, inside joke.
06:37Okay.
06:38Well, it was really nice
06:39to meet you.
06:40Well, you know,
06:40I'm not in a rush.
06:42Why don't we just chat
06:43for a little bit?
06:43Oh, um...
06:47Look, I'm flattered,
06:49but I'm not really
06:50into women, you know,
06:52in your demographic.
06:56Oh, no, no, no.
06:58I'm just one of those
06:59super friendly type owners,
07:00that's all.
07:01Excuse me,
07:02did I hear you say
07:02you were the owner?
07:03I'm busy!
07:08Tell me about your family.
07:09I think I should
07:10maybe leave.
07:11Oh, no, wait.
07:12Don't go.
07:13Uh, I know this seems
07:14a little weird.
07:15Oh, no, no, not at all.
07:16I'm only leaving
07:16because this is so normal.
07:17I just need ten minutes
07:22of your time
07:23to get to know you better.
07:24But I don't want that.
07:27I'm gonna come clean with you.
07:28It's very simple.
07:30My friend wants to have a baby
07:31and she sent me over here
07:33to see if you're as good
07:34as your profile.
07:35That's her right there.
07:38My anonymous profile?
07:40So you cyberstalked
07:42and tricked me
07:42just to get me over here?
07:44Yeah, our bad.
07:48But looky there,
07:49you got a free burger.
07:50And fries.
07:53So, um,
07:54is everything going okay?
07:56No.
07:56There is no way
07:57I am letting you weirdos
07:58have my baby.
07:59I am calling the sperm bank
08:00and putting a stop to this.
08:02Tell your friends
08:03about happies.
08:07Yeah, I think
08:08we can do better.
08:15Why did you tell him
08:17that I wanted him
08:18to be my donor?
08:19When has honesty
08:20ever made anything better?
08:24I was just trying to help.
08:26Besides,
08:27you have two more finalists.
08:28I can't use them now.
08:30They're second choice.
08:31And my baby
08:32deserves the best.
08:34How does this happen?
08:37Everybody around here
08:38acts crazy,
08:39but I always wind up
08:40looking like the crazy one.
08:42Well, I'm not the crazy one,
08:43okay?
08:47She's not going to convince
08:49anyone making that argument.
08:52I don't know
08:53what to do, Steve.
08:54I just wish
08:55I could pick someone
08:56that I already knew
08:57was a good person.
08:58Well, if you need
08:59to know the guy,
09:00why don't you pick
09:01someone you already know?
09:03Yeah.
09:04Well, most people
09:04that I know best
09:05work here.
09:06And Dakota's already
09:07got a bunch of kids.
09:08and I can't use
09:09any of our regulars.
09:10I know how much
09:11they drink.
09:15Hello?
09:16You never asked me.
09:17Well, that's because
09:18I didn't think you would.
09:20No, I never would.
09:24But it's nice to be asked.
09:27You know, actually,
09:29you know who'd be best?
09:30Emmett.
09:31He's tall,
09:32he's handsome,
09:33hair loss skips a generation.
09:35Plus, you know,
09:36his calm genes
09:37would even out,
09:38you know,
09:38all of this.
09:41Too bad he's too old.
09:42Oh, he's not too old.
09:44Al Pacino had a kid at 83.
09:46Yeah, and Al Pacino's
09:47the one in the stroller.
09:50Don't be ridiculous.
09:51Men don't lose
09:53their fertility
09:53or their looks.
09:55That's how you know
09:56God is a man.
10:00Tell me the truth.
10:01Am I a bad friend?
10:03No, you're the best friend
10:04anybody could ever have.
10:06Except for maybe
10:07Willy Wonka.
10:08I'm serious.
10:11I'd do anything
10:12for Gabby.
10:13But when she finally
10:14makes a decision,
10:15I immediately blow it.
10:18Willy Wonka
10:18drowned a kid
10:19in chocolate.
10:22What?
10:23Well, she's nervous.
10:25Having a baby's
10:26the biggest thing
10:27a person could do.
10:28I didn't know
10:29you felt that way.
10:30Well, sure I do.
10:31Why wouldn't I?
10:33Hmm.
10:34Look, I'm sorry
10:35you felt lousy.
10:37If it'll help,
10:38why don't you just
10:39punch me?
10:42What good would that do?
10:44Always help my brother.
10:47Bobby, hit me.
10:48I mean...
10:50All right,
10:53I'll tell you what.
10:53Just in a minute.
10:55That's my first time.
10:58Okay.
10:59Just
10:59ill.
11:03What is it, Steve?
11:04I just wanted to give
11:05Emmett a quick heads up.
11:07This isn't likely to happen,
11:08but it's Gabby,
11:09so it could.
11:10Uh-oh.
11:11What's the problem?
11:12She might want
11:13your seed
11:14to grow a baby.
11:16What?
11:20Oh, that's a good one, Steve.
11:22No, I'm serious.
11:23She was saying
11:23how there was no reason
11:24Emmett couldn't do this
11:25and compared him
11:26to Al Pacino
11:26in a stroller,
11:27so kind of a compliment.
11:30Anyway,
11:30I'm gonna go
11:31wash my eyes out.
11:35Huh.
11:38Yeah.
11:39Huh.
11:42Are you nervous
11:46about talking
11:46to the kids?
11:47Nervous?
11:49Nah.
11:50I'm looking forward
11:51to inspiring
11:53young minds.
11:54You know?
11:55Filling them
11:55with my knowledge.
11:58That's nice.
12:00I'd be nervous.
12:03Hi, Dad.
12:04Hi, Miss Sanchez.
12:05We're ready.
12:09Good luck.
12:12Hi, everybody.
12:15Class, let's welcome
12:16our guests.
12:17Hi, Sanchez.
12:19Welcome, Miss Sanchez.
12:20Thank you for doing
12:21this interview.
12:22It's my pleasure.
12:23And you can call me
12:24Isabella.
12:25Thank you, Isabella.
12:26Now, before we start,
12:27I just want to say
12:30I am so pleased
12:33to be here with you all.
12:34I want you to know
12:36that I once sat
12:36exactly where you're sitting.
12:39So when you look at me,
12:41don't just think
12:42of what I've done.
12:44Think
12:45of where I've come from.
12:50That's so wonderful.
12:52What made you first
12:53want to start
12:53your own business?
12:54Well, actually,
12:55the business was started
12:56before I came on board.
12:58Oh, so you worked
12:59your way up.
12:59Yeah, you could say that.
13:01But it wouldn't be true.
13:02See, what had happened
13:05was I woke up one morning
13:06and checked my email
13:07and my dad had left me
13:08a tavern.
13:10And you were ready
13:11to step up to the plate.
13:13Yes.
13:13Yes.
13:13A great definition
13:14of luck
13:15is when preparation
13:17meets opportunity.
13:21And you were prepared
13:22because you went
13:23to business school.
13:25No.
13:26Actually,
13:27I studied psychology.
13:29Oh, so you're
13:30also a psychologist.
13:30No.
13:33But I did get into
13:35Stanford graduate school.
13:37Stanford?
13:38Wow, that must have
13:39been so stimulating.
13:40I assume it is.
13:43But I haven't gone yet
13:44because I took a gap year
13:45two years ago.
13:48Whoa, is it getting
13:49hot in here?
13:51Look, I'm trying
13:52to make you look good,
13:53but you gotta work with me.
13:56Well, there is more
13:58to life than your career.
13:59You know, one of the
14:00hardest things to achieve
14:01is a successful
14:01work-life balance, right?
14:04Yeah.
14:04That's right.
14:05So tell us about
14:06your social life.
14:07Do you have a husband?
14:09No.
14:10A boyfriend?
14:12No.
14:14What do you do
14:15after work?
14:16Well, most nights
14:17I go home.
14:19Is it too much
14:19to hope you own
14:20your own home?
14:20No, it's my sister's.
14:26But I do have
14:28my own bathroom.
14:29Ooh.
14:29Ooh.
14:38Hey.
14:39Hey.
14:42Look, Bobby,
14:43about what Steve said.
14:44Yeah.
14:45Oh, hey, Emmett.
14:46Looking good.
14:47Those new pants?
14:49No.
14:51I mean, yes,
14:52they are,
14:52but, you know,
14:53I'm returning them.
14:58Geez.
14:59Learn to take a compliment.
15:03Yeah, you got him there.
15:04That man cannot
15:05take a compliment.
15:07That's one of his
15:08many, many
15:08genetic flaws.
15:12Why are you
15:12putting down Emmett?
15:13Oh, it's not his fault.
15:14It's just bad breeding.
15:16Yeah.
15:17Let's just say
15:18that Emmett's family tree
15:19is more like
15:20the crazy bush.
15:23Thank you so much
15:24for helping, Kimmy.
15:25She really appreciated it.
15:26It was my pleasure.
15:30Give me anything,
15:31I don't care.
15:32As long as it makes
15:33me forget everything
15:34since I woke up
15:34this morning.
15:37Oh, that's right.
15:38You were with
15:3911-year-olds today.
15:41Yep.
15:42Give her the good rum.
15:42You know,
15:44the 11-year-old girl
15:45that lives next door to me
15:46told me that I looked
15:48like an emotional eater.
15:52No, no.
15:53Kimmy was
15:54perfectly nice.
15:56And yet,
15:56somehow,
15:57she still managed
15:58to reach into my soul
16:00and go,
16:00They're just kids, Isabella.
16:04Don't take them
16:05so seriously.
16:06No, I'm gonna.
16:08She made me face
16:09some uncomfortable
16:09truths about myself.
16:11Ugh.
16:11Uncomfortable truth?
16:12Some of my least
16:13favorite ones.
16:15You know,
16:16ever since I found out
16:17about Happy,
16:17I've been letting
16:18circumstances run my life.
16:20I think it's finally time
16:21I took charge of it myself.
16:23Well, that's a very
16:23healthy attitude.
16:25Yeah.
16:26Tough issues
16:26don't get settled
16:27by ignoring them.
16:30Very true.
16:33Wait, where are you going?
16:34I'm gonna go talk to Emmett.
16:39Hey.
16:41Hey.
16:42Okay, one of us
16:43is gonna have to
16:44address this.
16:45Now, if you wanna be
16:46the father of Gabby's baby,
16:48I don't have a...
16:49I don't wanna do that.
16:50Oh, thank God.
16:53What in the world
16:54would you think that for?
16:56You were the one
16:56that was going on
16:57about how having a baby
16:59is the most important thing
17:00a person could do.
17:01It was one sentence.
17:04I know it was one sentence,
17:06but you only do
17:07about three of them a day.
17:09I was afraid
17:10you wanted me to.
17:12You said you'd do
17:13anything for Gabby.
17:14I would do anything
17:15for Gabby,
17:16but there's plenty
17:16I don't want you to do.
17:20Come here.
17:25I absolutely am crazy
17:27about you.
17:28And I don't wanna do
17:29anything that would
17:30jeopardize this.
17:32Okay, great.
17:33But what is this?
17:36Bobby, this is
17:37a magical time
17:38in a relationship
17:39where you're allowed
17:41to tell me
17:41not to impregnate
17:42other women.
17:50I should go talk to Gabby.
17:53You know what?
17:54Let me do that.
17:55I may have something
17:56to offer.
17:58You're only offering
17:59words, right?
18:00We'll see how it goes.
18:11Oh, hey.
18:13Listen, I need to talk
18:14to you.
18:15Is it about the pants?
18:17It was a compliment.
18:18Look, if I'm wrong
18:23and I'm pretty sure
18:24I am,
18:26saying this is gonna
18:27be embarrassing
18:28as hell.
18:30What are you talking
18:30about?
18:32I can't be your donor.
18:33Oh, my God!
18:45I mean, how would that
18:47even work?
18:49I mean, you and I
18:49would have a baby
18:50together while you're
18:51dating my best friend?
18:53I mean, I like country
18:54songs.
18:55I don't want to be one.
18:55Okay, I'm sorry.
19:02I'm sorry.
19:02I didn't mean to laugh.
19:04So what exactly is your
19:05plan at this point?
19:07I don't know.
19:08Okay?
19:09I think I'm just gonna put
19:11this whole pregnancy thing
19:12on hold until I can get
19:14some clarity.
19:14Well, clarity takes time,
19:16Gabby.
19:16And excuse me for saying
19:18this, but it's not something
19:19that you have a lot of
19:21right now.
19:22Well, this isn't an easy
19:24decision to make.
19:25I understand totally.
19:27It wasn't an easy decision
19:28when I made it.
19:29What?
19:31I mean, you thought
19:32about having kids?
19:33Sure.
19:35I mean, I still wonder
19:36once in a while what it'd
19:37be like to have a...
19:40Emmett Jr. to take
19:41fishing, you know?
19:42Aww.
19:43Or little Emily
19:45standing on my shoes
19:46while I teach her how
19:48to dance.
19:49Yeah.
19:51But I made the decision
19:53not to.
19:54And on the whole,
19:56do you think it was
19:57the right choice?
19:59Hell, I don't know.
20:00I think so, but who knows?
20:02Point is, it was my choice.
20:05If you put off the decision
20:06much longer,
20:07a choice will be made
20:09for you, Gabby.
20:12Hey, Emmett?
20:16Do you think I'd be
20:17a good mom?
20:21I think you'd make
20:22a hell of a mom, Gabby.
20:28I don't hear any words.
20:34Okay, Gabby.
20:35Show us who you picked.
20:37Okay.
20:37My baby daddy
20:38is going to be...
20:41Luigi.
20:41Aw, he's adorable.
20:46Yeah, great daddy material.
20:49Oh, he's got such kind eyes
20:51and that chin would look
20:52so cute on a baby.
20:55Oh.
20:56Great baby splashes.
20:58Great earlobes.
21:02All that's left
21:03is for me to enter
21:03my credit card number
21:05and Luigi's DNA
21:06will be on its way
21:08to my house.
21:10And done.
21:12Yay!
21:13I'm so proud of you, honey.
21:15Wow.
21:16I just made a baby.
21:19Come in.
21:20I like to cuddle after.
21:21Yeah.
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