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00:00Hello.
00:07These days I spend more and more time in my Wiltshire home.
00:12And the pub I own.
00:14Thinking about all the big problems in the world.
00:17And some smaller ones that annoy me.
00:21Luckily there's a place I can go to solve them all.
00:25Or at least try.
00:27My shed.
00:29Right.
00:31It's here that I have the tools.
00:33Let's just saw some wood up.
00:35The tea.
00:37And a couple of other highly competent blokes.
00:41Very good. Brace yourselves.
00:43Who've agreed to help me rid the world of problems.
00:46Is she getting the ticket out?
00:47Great.
00:48Dirty flight at us.
00:50And small.
00:51The cereal has gone soggy.
00:53I'll also have to take on other people's problems.
00:56What is wrong with Peter?
00:57He used to make a sound.
00:59And now he doesn't.
01:00By which I mean the locals at my pub are always bringing me stuff to mend.
01:05Is it a train set?
01:07So join us and our excitable crew.
01:13Who will capture our endeavours.
01:15That was epic.
01:17As we create.
01:19Make.
01:20That feels like a terrible thing we've just done.
01:22Repair.
01:23So it's never worked.
01:24Not in my lifetime.
01:25And repurpose.
01:27In my shed load of ideas.
01:28What do you think?
01:29This is just brilliant.
01:30Ah, Wiltshire.
01:31A peaceful haven in the west country of England.
01:33Do not be deceived.
01:34This is a nerve centre with horses where I plan to solve the nation's biggest issues.
01:48First on my list, something guaranteed to inflame the indignant passions of Englishmen and women nationwide.
02:06PHONE RINGS
02:09Well, that'll learn you.
02:11The yellow square of shame.
02:13Ah, it's the worst feeling in the world.
02:16This, viewers, is a parking ticket.
02:19Last year alone, 14 and a half million of these were slapped on windscreens up and down the country.
02:27That's two every second.
02:30But some parking tickets are more frustrating than others, as our sound man Dan has just experienced.
02:38It's awful.
02:39There's the sense that the system has beaten you. The man has got you.
02:45However, just out of interest, Dan, how long had you paid to park?
02:50I paid to park for an hour.
02:51And when was that issued?
02:53Five minutes after the time.
02:54Ah!
02:55And there you go, you see.
02:56What a lot of people don't realise is that there is a ten-minute grace period.
03:01If you pay for parking of half an hour or more, there is ten minutes beyond that in which a traffic warden may not issue a ticket, at least not legally.
03:11And a lot of people don't realise this, and more importantly, a lot of traffic wardens don't realise this.
03:17So, what we're going to do is devise a system that warns traffic wardens of this piece of legislation,
03:23and make sure they don't issue a parking ticket when they are not permitted to.
03:28The law is an ass.
03:32Of the 93,000 people who challenged a parking ticket in 2023, nearly half were successful and had their fine overturned.
03:43But if thousands of tickets are incorrectly issued each year by traffic wardens, something must be done.
03:49And it's going to take three men to find a solution in a shed.
03:58Bringing the brains.
03:59That means the winner is Sim.
04:01Ah!
04:03My engineering pal of 20 years, Simmy.
04:06We're going to make it better, though.
04:08Simmy can juggle anything I throw at him.
04:11Almost.
04:12And my other mate is a handyman who calls himself Tony the Tool.
04:19That's a job for you, Tony.
04:22He's good with wood.
04:24It's meant to be miles off, so you can chisel in.
04:26And game for just about anything.
04:28Tell my children I love them.
04:30As for me, I provide the shed and the fantastic hair.
04:37Gentlemen and crew, assemble.
04:45We're all ready, as usual.
04:50Right, viewers, the fight back against traffic wardens who don't understand the very legislation they are there to enforce.
04:57Nothing else starts here.
05:00And it's going to involve a bit of woodwork.
05:02It's going to involve some electronics and a timer and a sensor and one of these.
05:08A megaphone.
05:14That's quite loud.
05:15That was quite loud.
05:18We have in mind a rooftop traffic warden warning system for my car, where a sign pops up.
05:24That's a series one panda you've drawn, mine's a series three.
05:28And the legislation is read aloud if the sensor detects a ticket issued within the ten-minute grace period.
05:36Right, the exact wording is quite tedious, but given that it's a law, it probably needs to be displayed in full.
05:45So I think we might as well make it almost as big as the roof of the car.
05:49And then it would go...
05:51And then this would go...
05:53I say, traffic warden...
05:56Full details of the law are displayed in front of you on the sign that just popped up.
06:01Now...
06:03Until ten minutes are up.
06:05Something like that.
06:06Right.
06:07I will read it to you, but you can see just how verbose it is.
06:10The Secretary of State, an exercise of the powers conferred by sections 72, 73, back brackets 3 and 89...
06:18...in provision which was called A but is now called 1.
06:20No penalty charges payable for the contravention where the vehicle has been left beyond the permitted parking period for a period not exceeding ten minutes.
06:29There it is.
06:30That's the law and it's signed by Eric Pickles.
06:36I met Eric Pickles once, he was tremendous.
06:39Born 20th of April 1952.
06:41Parents, Constance, Joyce Pickles and Jack Branston Pickles.
06:46Branston Pickles?
06:48No, that's a joke.
06:50No, I made that up, Lottie.
06:52Right, shall we do some woodwork?
06:54Let's go to the chop saw.
06:56While Sim engineers a sensor to detect a parking ticket and a timer to set the grace period, Tony and I tackle the frame.
07:07Hands clear. Contact.
07:11For our plan to work, we need a sign that pops up only when a ticket is detected within that magic ten minutes.
07:19Let's get it to length first.
07:21And is big enough to display the letter of the law to the letter.
07:26Are you thinking of just screwing that together?
07:29For time, yes.
07:33That's pretty good actually.
07:35So that's the basic frame built.
07:38Next we need to give our legalese some lift.
07:42So you can hinge it here when it's released.
07:45So it pivots from there.
07:48How do we wind it?
07:51I don't know.
07:53While superbrained Simi scratches his head,
07:56I take the opportunity to enjoy a nice relaxing cup of tea under my favourite tree.
08:02When I eventually return to the shed, Simi has made what looks like a sort of cat's cradle for blokes.
08:14Now I need to tie those.
08:16And that's got to go through there.
08:18And then we tie that.
08:20However, they will need to be the same length.
08:23Simi has decided to use something designed for torsion weapons before springs were invented.
08:30Also known as...
08:31Tourniquet.
08:32Oh, it's a tourniquet.
08:34It's a tourniquet.
08:35But it has to be a precise length, which requires tying a precise knot in a precise place.
08:42Were you in the scouts, anyone?
08:44I wasn't.
08:45I wasn't.
08:51You'll have heard of the tourniquet you might tie if, for example, you've cut off your own leg and are bleeding to death.
08:57You pull that all the way through there.
08:59This tourniquet is how medieval boy scouts used to fire projectiles.
09:04Huge amount of string.
09:06Before giant springs were invented, trebuchets and crossbows used tightly twisted rope, which stores up energy.
09:14When released, it's powerful enough to launch whatever you want at whoever you don't like.
09:22So we've both got a free end.
09:23So we could tie that through there and then tie it in the middle.
09:28So the string, being in a continuous loop, when twisted, string becomes spring.
09:38We hope that the powers stored in this tourniquet, once we wind it up, will be enough to lift our giant sign.
09:45That's a terrible knot.
09:46Terrible knot, Simi.
09:47No, no, it's just a knot that won't.
09:49As they say in the Navy, if you can't tie a knot, tie a lot.
09:54So Simi, do you think this will work?
10:00Possibly.
10:02Possibly.
10:03But if it doesn't work, we're back to square one.
10:06It's definitely working.
10:07It's medieval science.
10:08It is, but there's a lot of tension going on around here and it could just all implode.
10:13But I think we should wind it up and we will see.
10:16OK, well, why don't you two wind it up?
10:21Simi and Tony, using their immense strength, have wound this about as tightly as they can.
10:26Just a few final tweaks with our 14th century angle grinder.
10:33And Simi's antediluvian hammer.
10:36OK, stand back everybody, because I'm going to release the vertical component of the sign lifter.
10:42Are you ready?
10:43No.
10:44Everybody ready on cameras?
10:48In three, two, one.
10:56Welcome back to Wiltshire and the war against erroneous parking tickets.
11:02We have built a rooftop frame for my car.
11:06Onto which we'll fix a giant printout of the legislation.
11:10Now we're about to test the tourniquet that lifts it up.
11:14Once the camera crew have sorted themselves out.
11:17Is everyone happy?
11:18OK, so we need a build up to this.
11:20And action.
11:22Simi, do you think this will work?
11:23Possibly.
11:26By releasing the tightly wound ropes, we hope the stored energy will be enough to raise the sign.
11:33Everybody ready on cameras?
11:35In three, two, one.
11:38Woo!
11:40Hooray!
11:44Huzzah, as they say in medieval times.
11:46Are you happy?
11:47Yes.
11:48Oh!
11:49I like the elegance of it, and it's historical as well, it has historical context.
11:57So, with some wood and some string, the materials that were used by our forebears, by our great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grandfathers,
12:09plus an impact driver and an angle grinder, we are ready to end that dark period in history that has come to be known as the erroneous parking ticket issued during the ten-minute grace period in accordance with subsection B of the Road Traffic Act Amendment of 2015.
12:27Excellent work, men.
12:28Very good.
12:29Let's finish it off.
12:30While Tony finishes the frame and installs the sign...
12:33I'm off for a moment of quiet reflection.
12:37I'm very fortunate to call Wiltshire my home.
12:40I'm even more fortunate to have my own pub.
12:42Morning!
12:43Morning!
12:44Morning!
13:00Morning!
13:03But it's not all IPA and me-time.
13:07Sometimes, such as today, I come to the pub to have a quiet pint
13:11and contemplate my good luck in life.
13:14And somebody will come up to me with some knackered, priceless, sentimental family heirloom
13:21and say, oh, James, could you just mend this?
13:24Yes, the downside of the locals knowing you have a pub and a penchant for tinkering
13:29is they also know where to ambush you.
13:34And sure enough, no sooner had Sim joined me in the garden
13:37than local Roger turns up with his grandfather's clockwork boat.
13:43I first saw it when I was about six, seven years old.
13:46My grandfather said, I've got this for you.
13:49When I get it working, you shall have it.
13:5217 years later, when he died and I was clearing out his cupboard,
13:56I found that in the back of the drawer.
13:59So it's never worked?
14:01Not in my lifetime.
14:02Have you had it in water?
14:04I've put it in the water and pushed it, but never.
14:07Right, OK.
14:09Oh, we need to get that open and have a look.
14:11Shall I, well, as it happens, my toolkit is always to hand.
14:14What about my long carburettor screwdriver, which gives you good leverage?
14:17Look at that.
14:18That is a nice screwdriver.
14:19That is a nice screwdriver.
14:20So have you ever taken it apart?
14:23No, no.
14:24My grandfather was something of a perfectionist, and I felt if I messed it up, it would be on my head and I shall regret it.
14:32I can see that it's clockwork because I can see the square shaft that the key goes on, but you don't have the key and you've never had the key.
14:38Never had a key with it, no.
14:39So this has never worked in your lifetime, Roger.
14:43No.
14:43Do you mind if I ask how old you are now?
14:45Uh, 78.
14:46So this is coming off for the first time in at least 72 years.
14:52Ooh.
14:52Oh, look at that.
14:53Can you see this film crew?
14:55That is a, so the Germans were exceptionally good at, this is a wooden bow, but they were good at tin toys, clockwork and so on in the 1920s and 30s.
15:03In fact, they were probably the world leaders at that sort of thing.
15:07So I'm expecting something quite exquisite.
15:12Yeah, the spring looks to be intact.
15:14I think you've probably bashed that prop a few times, haven't you, Roger?
15:20I should think so, yeah.
15:22So I think all we really need to do with that, Simi, is take the motor out, possibly strip it, clean it, lube it, straighten the prop a bit, do a little bit of reshaping on this, but without altering the patina, put it back together.
15:36And there's your boat, sir.
15:37What are you going to do with it?
15:38I'm going to find a pond and take my grandchildren along as a memento of their great-great-grandfather.
15:45Great, yes.
15:46Great-great-grandfather.
15:48Reluctantly, Simi and I leave our pints and head back to the shed.
15:54To see if we can bring Roger's grandfather's boat back to life.
16:02So, viewers, we're going to make a key, but we do know that it works because we wound it with a pair of slip pliers.
16:07Other problems are the rudder is not properly attached, the propeller is misshapen.
16:12But most importantly, we need to take the motor out and give it a jolly good clean, and that's why, ha-ha, our new favourite thing.
16:23First, we need to remove that exquisite clockwork motor.
16:26Ooh, that is turning for the first time since it went in there.
16:30Yeah.
16:34Right.
16:35Don't let me let go of it, otherwise...
16:37Keep your fingers out of the way.
16:38Whoa, look at that.
16:45There's not much wrong with that, to be honest.
16:52This is my ultrasonic cleaner.
16:55It's full of a cleansing fluid, and in essence, it explodes a load of bubbles on the surface of things, and that knocks the dirt off.
17:03It's going in.
17:04Let's see what that does.
17:11While the ultrasonic cleaner cleans ultrasonically...
17:14It's a little bit stiff.
17:17...we try and straighten the rudder.
17:19Not bad.
17:21Right, the ultrasonic cleaner's finished.
17:23Ooh, that's clean.
17:24That's much better.
17:28Ten minutes to dry it off.
17:29Right, whilst that's happening...
17:33Ooh, that did something!
17:36That'll do comes the cry of the perfectionist down the ages.
17:39Time to refit the spotless motor.
17:42There you go.
17:43Right, I think it needs to come to you.
17:46No, there's the hole there.
17:48You see that one?
17:49Yeah.
17:50There you go.
17:50It's in.
17:51There you go.
17:51The boat is back together and greatly improved.
17:54The brake now works.
17:55The rudder is now straight, and it is settable.
17:58That's lovely.
17:59Which is really nice.
18:00That hasn't been like that for a very long time.
18:02And then it's, well, we've got to make a key.
18:05Yep.
18:05But then she's ready for sea trials, which will be a pond or a bath.
18:10To make the key for Roger's grandfather's clockwork boat, we need the lathe.
18:23Stay well.
18:24And...
18:24Action.
18:27I start by facing off the brass rod,
18:31then drilling a hole in the centre to the required depth.
18:35So that's one, two, three, so we want seven eighths, don't we?
18:38So what I've done there, viewers, is lathe work, page one.
18:47I've faced off a piece of brass, drilled a hole through it, parted it off,
18:51and faced off the other end.
18:52That's just about the simplest thing you can do on a lathe, isn't it?
18:55There is a round hole going through a piece of brass,
18:58but Simi is now going to turn that into a square hole
19:00using the skill of the craftsperson.
19:03Whilst you work on that, I'm going to open my special broad-necked flask,
19:09which has a folding spoon.
19:12Very good.
19:13I'm not going to show you what's in here, because it's secret.
19:19My favourite.
19:22Back in a minute.
19:24Very good.
19:26Whilst I tuck into my secret lunch,
19:28Simi files the round hole so it can fit a square peg.
19:32James?
19:33Yeah?
19:34I think I've done your key.
19:36I'll be quick.
19:37Well, I could have been quicker, but...
19:39I think it's beautiful, man.
19:41Actually, what would be quite nice
19:42is to just put a knurled knob on the top.
19:45Ooh.
19:46Because then it's very individual.
19:47It's very personalised.
19:49I can do you a knurled knob.
19:52To successfully knurl a knob,
19:54I need a special knurling tool.
19:57Knurling is a cross-hatched pattern
20:00that makes things grippy.
20:02Yes, that is knurling.
20:04OK, I'm going to go for it.
20:10It's quite nice, isn't it?
20:11Next, I drill a hole in the centre
20:13to accept the bit we've already made.
20:16Job well done.
20:18All that's left to do is solder the two pieces together.
20:22Here we go, here we go.
20:25There we go.
20:26Is it gone?
20:27Yep.
20:29Beautiful.
20:31Ah!
20:33That is still actually quite warm
20:36when you've been holding it for several seconds.
20:38Even hot.
20:39Yeah, that bit's probably a little hotter.
20:42So I'll say very quickly
20:43that I think we've achieved greatness there
20:44and that looks fabulous
20:45and I hope Roger appreciates it.
20:51Now, if there's one thing I love more than my lathe,
20:54it's pubs.
20:56I love them so much, I bought one.
20:59Pubs are a very tough business.
21:03That's why so many are closing.
21:05So those of us with successful surviving pubs
21:09have to think constantly about how to keep costs down
21:12without compromising quality.
21:15Today, I'm concerned with the cost of producing chips,
21:20a staple of pubs everywhere,
21:21but with the potential to ruin the whole business.
21:24This is Mark, one of the chefs of the Royal Oak Swallowcliffe,
21:31just off the A30 between Shaftesbury and Salisbury.
21:34And he makes chips.
21:35He doesn't only make chips, he makes all sorts of delicious things,
21:38but he does spend quite a lot of his time making the chips.
21:40How many potatoes do you think you turn into chips in a week?
21:43We do about five or six bags,
21:45there's about 140 potatoes in a bag.
21:48So it's thousands of potatoes.
21:50It's turned into chips every week?
21:51By hand.
21:52Wow.
21:52Anyway, the pub would like me to buy them a chip-making machine,
21:57which I think costs about 450 quid, isn't it?
22:00That'd be great.
22:01Yeah.
22:02But what if there's another way?
22:04What if there is a money-saving, engineering-based solution?
22:09Sim and Tony think they may have one.
22:12Leaves frayed in a tantalising way.
22:18I wonder what they're cooking up.
22:22And will their idea be as good as mine?
22:26It's a bit of overkill for a potato, isn't it?
22:36The British pub teeters on the verge of extinction,
22:40all because of chips.
22:43It's either hours of cutting them by hand
22:46or a prohibitively expensive chip-making machine.
22:50We are trying to save time and cut costs
22:54whilst chopping chips.
22:58So, Simi and Tony think the answer is a tennis bat.
23:01This is a perfectly standard one.
23:03It's not been replaced with cheese wire or anything.
23:06It's just normal nylon strings.
23:08And the idea is that you hit the potato
23:10and the potato comes out of the other side as chips.
23:12How should we try it?
23:15Under-arm serve.
23:16Can we just question...
23:17Do you just like thinking this is going to work?
23:19Of course it'll work.
23:20It's the most ridiculous thing.
23:22Well, I don't...
23:23You've got a rock-hard potato
23:24and quite a soft-string tennis racket.
23:27The crew are very cynical
23:28about the tennis racket method.
23:30I don't see why it wouldn't work.
23:32I mean, it's no more remarkable
23:34than cutting up a big piece of cheese
23:36in a supermarket with a...
23:37I know that's a wire and these are nylon,
23:39but they're very taut.
23:41You need to hit that with some gusto, though.
23:43I'll serve it to you here.
23:45Right.
23:46And if you hit it with a forearm smash.
23:48OK.
23:51Hey!
23:51Yes!
23:54Look!
23:55That's a perfect chip.
23:57That's a chip.
23:58And that's a chip.
23:59That one.
24:00Look at that.
24:00Look at those chips!
24:02They're chips!
24:04To whom should I show these?
24:06Right.
24:07Our work here is done.
24:08Can I just say
24:09that if I showed you those
24:10in the kitchen of my house,
24:12you'd say,
24:12oh, James has made some chips.
24:14No doubt about it whatsoever.
24:15Those are chips.
24:16And everybody on this crew
24:17said,
24:18no, a tennis racket won't work.
24:20Well, it does.
24:21They've got grass in them,
24:22I accept that,
24:23but nevertheless...
24:26Collection of the chips
24:27is a bit of an issue.
24:29If I go in and say,
24:30I'd like steak and chips, please,
24:31somebody has to go and walk around a field
24:33for half an hour picking chips up.
24:36Is there a way of making this
24:39more contained,
24:41more repeatable?
24:43Hmm.
24:44Can we attach something
24:44on the back of the tennis racket
24:46to catch them?
24:47Although it would slow
24:48the tennis racket down
24:48because of drag,
24:49unless it was a net.
24:50But is there a way
24:51of fixing the tennis racket
24:52and throwing the potatoes
24:54at it?
24:55Yeah, we could do that.
24:57Easy.
24:57And then put a bucket behind
24:58and you just get a bucket of chips.
24:59Yeah.
25:00After a brief interlude
25:02to gather some more equipment,
25:05we return with our potato chipper
25:10version 2.0.
25:12Which is a mounted tennis bat
25:15and a cannon.
25:17All we need now
25:18is a method behind here
25:20for collecting the chips
25:21as they fly through.
25:23So you just go bang,
25:24bang, bang,
25:24walk back to the pub
25:25with a massive tub of chips.
25:28Easy.
25:29That can simply sit there
25:30and catch all the chips.
25:33Oh!
25:34For maximised ballistic effect,
25:35we've cut the potatoes
25:36to the same size
25:38as the bore of the cannon.
25:40Clever.
25:41Cue the inevitable lecture
25:45in health and safety.
25:47It's a very high-speed cannon
25:49and a very heavy potato.
25:52The crew of HMS Victory
25:53didn't wear safety goggles.
25:55Nelson would be alive
25:56and well today if he had.
25:58Well, he did lose an eye,
25:59didn't he?
26:01The power behind
26:02our supersized spud gun
26:03is Simi's air compressor,
26:06also useful for inflating beach toys.
26:08Simi is loading
26:10Tony is firing,
26:12I'm aiming.
26:15Glasses on.
26:16Glasses on.
26:18Pass four bar.
26:19Well tapped, Tony.
26:22Ready?
26:23Yep.
26:23Fire in the hole.
26:24Oh!
26:30Those are chips.
26:32Chips, man!
26:34Loads of chips.
26:36That works.
26:37That is the beginnings
26:38of a big bucket of chips.
26:40All we need now
26:41is a few more potatoes.
26:43That's a potato.
26:44And our slow-mo camera.
26:46I think you just killed
26:57the GoPro.
27:04If the word gets out
27:06that the Royal Oak
27:07is producing chips
27:08in a novel way,
27:09it will become
27:10even more busy
27:12and popular
27:12than it already is.
27:13and I don't think
27:15and I don't think
27:15that's very efficient
27:15but I suddenly remembered
27:18if you two wait there.
27:20What's that?
27:22What the?
27:23My high-power answer
27:29to chipping potatoes
27:30is a rather lovely
27:31burnt orange
27:33two-tonne
27:3355-horsepower
27:35diesel
27:36wood chipper
27:37capable of chipping
27:40eight-inch logs.
27:41It's a bit of overkill
27:42for a potato, isn't it?
27:44And therefore
27:45a King Edward.
27:46What do you think?
27:51It has the word
27:52chip
27:52in its name.
27:53Will it fit in the kitchen?
27:54No.
27:55It will fit in the garden
27:57or the car park
27:57and this will make chips
27:59on an industrial scale.
28:03So that goes
28:04roughly
28:04there.
28:09Ready?
28:09Ready.
28:10Feed in the potatoes.
28:11Who's the bucket?
28:20Okay.
28:24Well.
28:26I'm not quite sure
28:27what you'd call that.
28:28That looks like
28:29when you make
28:30a potato what, sir?
28:31Rosty.
28:33That'd make
28:33a fantastic rosty, that.
28:35This is field to fork.
28:36That is quite literally
28:37off the field there.
28:39I can pretty much guarantee
28:41that when we take those
28:42into the kitchen
28:42and give them to Mark
28:43he's going to have
28:43a small tantrum.
28:46So, will Mark agree
28:48that we've come up
28:49with a fantastic alternative
28:50to the 450 pound
28:52chip making machine?
28:54They look like you've
28:54kicked them around
28:55the car park.
28:56Well, we sort of did
28:57in a way
28:57or around the field.
28:58These are my chips.
29:00Those are pure
29:01tennis racket chips.
29:02These are Simi's chips
29:04which are tennis racket
29:06and air cannon
29:07and these are
29:08Tony's chips
29:09and potato mush.
29:12Keep the grass
29:12everything.
29:13As is, au naturel.
29:15I don't know what to say.
29:16I think my daughter
29:17did something like this
29:17when she was about two.
29:21While Mark prepares
29:23our new low-cost
29:24no-chop chips,
29:26we reward our efforts
29:29with a nice,
29:29refreshing pint
29:31of lemonade.
29:34I used to play this
29:34with my brother
29:35when I was, I don't know,
29:37eight or nine
29:37and then he was
29:38six or seven.
29:39This is just plain
29:40lemonade
29:40and the game is
29:42to see who can put
29:43their tongue in it
29:43for the longest.
29:46Sure.
29:48No, because,
29:49well, I don't know.
29:50Is this what you used
29:50to play?
29:51Yeah.
29:51Maybe you're more
29:52sensitive as a child
29:53but after about
29:5315 or 20 seconds
29:55it starts to hurt,
29:56believe it or not.
29:57Right, you ready?
29:58Yeah.
29:59In three, two, one, go.
30:02You might be forgiven
30:03for thinking this is
30:04just three grown men
30:05with their tongue
30:06stuck in pints of lemonade.
30:10We're actually testing
30:11our endurance
30:12to carbonic acid
30:13which is what gives
30:14the lemonade its fizz.
30:22Wow.
30:24I like it.
30:26It does, doesn't it?
30:28Oh, we have a wicket.
30:33Tony!
30:35That is so good.
30:37Isn't that weird?
30:38Why does it hurt
30:38your tongue?
30:39I don't know.
30:40And how did we
30:41discover that?
30:45So, Tony's best
30:46at sticking his tongue
30:47in lemonade.
30:53But now,
30:54back to chips.
30:55Have we saved
30:56Chef Mark thyme
30:57and the Royal Oak money?
30:58That seems...
30:59Nice, thank you.
31:01...with grass.
31:04They look nice.
31:07All right, good.
31:09These are nice,
31:10fluffy.
31:11Great.
31:12Good news and bad news,
31:14viewers.
31:14The good news is...
31:15My chips are as cheap
31:17as chips.
31:17The bad news, however...
31:21Has a slight
31:22tennis-y quality to it.
31:25I don't like the grass.
31:27I think I've got to buy
31:28the chip-making machine,
31:30if I'm really honest.
31:33You've wolfed that, Tony.
31:34The chips are beautiful.
31:35So, £450 lighter,
31:41but with a happy chef,
31:42it's time to return
31:45to the bane
31:46of all our lives.
31:55We've built a pop-up frame
31:57for my car
31:58to remind ticket-happy
31:59traffic wardens
32:00of the law.
32:01Huzzah!
32:03As they say
32:03in medieval times.
32:06Next,
32:07the tech
32:07that triggers
32:08the warning device.
32:11Simi has devised
32:12a system
32:12using two timers.
32:15The switch
32:16from the one-hour timer
32:17could effectively
32:18be a solenoid
32:20to trigger
32:20the second timer.
32:21Yes.
32:22An electromagnet.
32:25Yes.
32:26I like an electromagnet.
32:28And something
32:28called a PIR sensor.
32:31Passive
32:31infrared.
32:32The sort of thing
32:33that controls
32:34your security lights
32:35when somebody walks past.
32:36Time to fit the rig
32:37onto my panda.
32:42If the PIR sensor
32:43detects unauthorised
32:45movement on the windscreen
32:46within the 10-minute
32:47grace period,
32:49my rooftop contraption
32:51will unleash
32:52legislative hell.
32:57Right,
32:57I now have to
32:58record the words.
32:59I think I might
33:00only have one shot
33:01at this.
33:02Here we go.
33:03Is everybody ready?
33:04Now hear this.
33:05Traffic warden,
33:06Road Traffic England,
33:07the Civil Enforcement
33:08of Parking Contraventions
33:09England General
33:10Amendment Regulations
33:112015.
33:13And in the time
33:14it takes for me
33:15it takes for me
33:15to read the legislation
33:16in full,
33:17that's five more
33:18parking tickets
33:19that we could have saved.
33:20And that is because...
33:22No penalty charge
33:23is payable
33:24for the contravention
33:25where the vehicle
33:26has been left
33:26beyond the permitted
33:27parking period
33:28for a period
33:29not exceeding
33:3110 minutes.
33:33Got it?
33:33That's from
33:34Eric Pickles,
33:36Secretary of State,
33:38Department of Communities
33:39and Local Government.
33:43Good.
33:44Right.
33:44Let's go.
33:46Simmy,
33:47Tony,
33:48go on,
33:48we're going shopping.
33:50We're going up to town.
33:51Ooh!
33:52You can have an ice cream
33:53if you want.
33:56Road trip.
33:57Are we there yet?
34:03Nearly.
34:07So,
34:08how will
34:08the unsuspecting
34:09locals react
34:10when our
34:11parking legislation
34:12loaded panda
34:13rolls into town?
34:22For legislation
34:24lovers everywhere,
34:25the big day
34:26has arrived.
34:27Exciting.
34:28It is quite exciting.
34:29Yeah.
34:30We're off to my local town,
34:32Tisbury,
34:32where we will
34:33road test
34:33our traffic warden
34:35warning device.
34:36Normally,
34:36you go to town
34:37in the car
34:37and you think,
34:38no,
34:38I hope I don't
34:38get a parking ticket.
34:40But we hope
34:41we do get a parking ticket.
34:43Or at least
34:43we hope we get
34:44a parking ticket
34:44in the 10 minutes
34:45between the expiration
34:46of the allotted
34:46parking time
34:47and the 10-minute window
34:48that's been inserted
34:49into the regulations
34:50in April 2015
34:52by Judge Eric Pickles.
34:53space.
34:58Nice.
34:58Oh,
34:58perfect.
35:00There.
35:04That's a terrible
35:05bit of parking.
35:06That is an awful
35:06bit of parking,
35:07James.
35:07Yeah.
35:08I cocked that up,
35:09didn't I?
35:09Trying to be clever.
35:10Right,
35:13a quick reminder
35:14of how this works.
35:15Obviously,
35:15this is a prototype.
35:16If it's ever included
35:17as an option
35:18on new cars,
35:19it'll be quite
35:19a bit more refined.
35:21But,
35:22essentially,
35:22there are two timers
35:24in this unit here
35:25and the display
35:27comes up here
35:27with the time elapsed.
35:28I'm going to set this
35:29for one hour
35:30because that's how much
35:31parking I'm about
35:31to pay for.
35:33At the end of an hour,
35:34it switches over
35:35to this circuit
35:36which displays
35:37a countdown
35:37of 10 minutes
35:38on there.
35:39During that 10 minutes,
35:40period,
35:41the PIR sensor
35:42is active
35:43and if anybody
35:44tries to put a ticket
35:45on the car,
35:46the message will crop up
35:47and my voice
35:48will come out
35:48of the megaphone
35:49warning them
35:49that they're actually
35:51on the wrong side
35:52of the law.
35:53So,
35:53I'm just going to
35:54finish paying
35:54for the parking
35:55for one hour
35:57and started
35:59and turn the system on
36:01and we're off
36:03to the hardware shop.
36:07My Panda
36:08is a ticking time bomb.
36:10of electromagnets,
36:12tourniquets
36:12and the law.
36:14Just waiting
36:15for a ticket-happy
36:16traffic warden
36:18or a member
36:18of the production team
36:19in a high-vis.
36:20But in the meantime...
36:24This is Coffee Angels
36:26where you get
36:26an excellent bacon
36:27and egg roll.
36:28The Chinese is good
36:29if you're in on your own
36:30watching Where Eagles Dare.
36:32Hardware's on the right.
36:33Oh, look!
36:35The thermos
36:36with the little spoon in.
36:38Little screwdrivers.
36:39Everything you could
36:40possibly want.
36:44It turns out
36:45time flies
36:46when you're three blokes
36:47looking at tools.
36:48You don't need a tape measure.
36:50No, I like tape measures.
36:52When the pub's shut
36:53and they're clear...
36:53With just five minutes
36:54until the Panda
36:55is armed,
36:56it's time
37:00to take our positions.
37:02Let's have a nice
37:03refreshing cup of tea
37:05and observe our car.
37:08With our traffic warden
37:09slash team member
37:10lurking,
37:12the time is upon us
37:13to see if our
37:14prototype warning system
37:16works.
37:26Is she getting the ticket out?
37:33Yeah!
37:36Oh!
37:37No!
37:38Wait for it!
37:41No!
37:42Yes!
37:47Oh!
37:49That's so good!
37:50It's like the sails
37:52of the cutting sark.
37:56Now hear this.
37:57Traffic warden,
37:58road traffic,
37:59England,
37:59the civil enforcement
38:00of parking contraventions,
38:01England,
38:02general amendment
38:02regulations,
38:032015.
38:05The regulations
38:06in full.
38:08These regulations
38:08may be cycled
38:09as the civil enforcement
38:10of parking contraventions,
38:11England,
38:11general amendment.
38:12That's never happened before,
38:13has it?
38:13A great big sign
38:14has erected itself
38:15on the top of a car.
38:17That looks fantastic.
38:22The locals
38:23are out in their tens
38:25to see Tisbury
38:26assume its rightful place
38:28in the annals
38:29of history,
38:30thanks to the launch
38:31of our traffic warden
38:32warning device.
38:36It's quite elaborate,
38:38but it worked.
38:40No penalty charge
38:42is payable
38:43for the contravention
38:44where the vehicle
38:44has been left
38:45beyond the permitted
38:46parking period
38:47for a period
38:48not exceeding
38:49ten minutes.
38:51got it?
38:52That's from
38:53Eric Pickles,
38:54Secretary of State,
38:57Department of Communities
38:58and Local Government.
39:02Yes!
39:05That's so good!
39:07That is so good!
39:10That is a victory
39:12for common sense,
39:14it's a victory
39:14for the motorist,
39:15it's a victory
39:16for the rule of law,
39:18and it's a victory
39:19for our hero,
39:21Eric Pickles.
39:23Thank you, sir.
39:25We've still got to move
39:26in the next six and a half minutes.
39:31So, we've seen off
39:32one ticket-happy
39:33traffic warden.
39:35Now, I've got to see
39:36a man about a boat.
39:38You see,
39:41there's only one thing
39:42better than mending
39:43something like
39:43a broken clockwork toy,
39:46and that's reuniting
39:47it with its owner,
39:49like Roger here.
39:51Good afternoon, sir.
39:52How are you?
39:53I'm fine, thank you.
39:54Good to see you again.
39:55Here is your boat.
39:57Wow.
39:58OK, would you like us
39:59to tell you what we've done?
40:00I'd love to know
40:01what you've done.
40:02Removed,
40:03ultrasonically cleaned,
40:05serviced and
40:05re-lubricated the engine,
40:07reshaped the prop.
40:08That looks a lot better.
40:09Yes.
40:10Reattached the rudder
40:12to a reshaped
40:14tiller,
40:15which now
40:15locks into position
40:16on that bar.
40:18Yes.
40:19Which it didn't do previously.
40:20And you've never
40:21had a key for it.
40:22I'm afraid I don't
40:22have a key, no.
40:24Well,
40:24you have now.
40:27Fantastic.
40:28But is Roger's
40:29grandfather's
40:30toy boat
40:31ship-shape
40:32and pond-worthy?
40:33So, what we thought
40:34we could do,
40:34since you've never
40:35been able to do this,
40:36is you can wind it,
40:38set the rudder,
40:39Simi will row out
40:40in the little boat
40:41to the middle of the lake,
40:42you can send it to him,
40:44and then he can rewind it
40:46and send it back
40:47so that it emerges
40:49as if from your
40:49incomplete childhood
40:50crewed by the spirits
40:52of your forebears.
40:53Only 72 years
40:55after it was given to me.
40:56That is fantastic.
40:57This boat is overdue,
40:59but it is coming.
41:00OK, Simi,
41:01off you go in the boat.
41:02I'll go for the boat.
41:03You wind her up, sir.
41:06That's quite a big spring,
41:08it turns out.
41:10So, you place it in the water,
41:11simply push that aside
41:13and release
41:14and don't fall in the lake.
41:23Aim it at the boat.
41:23Wow.
41:34Yes.
41:35Fantastic.
41:37That's absolutely fantastic.
41:42Oh,
41:43I think it's got weed
41:44on the propeller.
41:48Do you believe that?
41:49That was so fantastic
41:51for a few seconds.
41:53It was,
41:53it had,
41:54I'm sorry.
41:54It was obviously
41:55doing what it was
41:56intended to do.
41:57That's further
41:58than it's ever been before.
42:00In my part,
42:00since I've owned it.
42:02Deweeding,
42:03oh, God.
42:05Right,
42:06Simi will now
42:07send it back.
42:07It has to avoid
42:08the weed,
42:09the duck,
42:09the swan
42:10and the weight
42:11of history.
42:13Simi,
42:14let her go.
42:16There we go.
42:17Slight right rudder,
42:19but...
42:20That's fantastic.
42:21Incredible.
42:22Oh, look.
42:24There she comes.
42:25That lake
42:26is a whole ocean
42:27to that little toy boat.
42:32That's its longest
42:33voyage so far.
42:35Yes.
42:36I hope your grandfather
42:38is suitably pleased.
42:40I'm sure
42:40he'll be
42:41spinning in his grave
42:42to know
42:43that finally
42:44it's got on the water
42:46and works.
42:48That's just
42:48incredible,
42:49absolutely
42:49marvellous.
42:51So,
42:52I'm feeling
42:52slightly
42:53moved.
42:59Your boat,
43:00sir.
43:00Thank you so much.
43:01I'm
43:02absolutely thrilled,
43:03delighted
43:04and I think
43:05my grandchildren
43:06are going
43:06to enjoy
43:07this very much.
43:08Excellent.
43:09Well,
43:09thank you very much
43:10for giving us
43:11the opportunity
43:11to mend it.
43:12so that's a win
43:13for my pub-based
43:14community mending
43:15programme
43:16and one
43:17jolly roger.
43:20Tim,
43:21are you going to come back
43:22or are you just going to
43:23row around all day?
43:24I might just row around all day.
43:26It's quite nice.
43:28Do you want a pork pie?
43:29I've got one for you.
43:31I love a pork pie.
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