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00:00Hello.
00:05These days I spend more and more time in my Wiltshire home.
00:11And the pub I own.
00:13Thinking about all the big problems in the world.
00:17And some smaller ones that annoy me.
00:21Luckily there's a place I can go to solve them all.
00:25Or at least try.
00:27My shed.
00:30Right.
00:31It's here that I have the tools.
00:33Let's just saw some wood up.
00:35The tea.
00:37And a couple of other highly competent blokes.
00:41Very good. Brace yourself.
00:43Who've agreed to help me rid the world of problems.
00:46Is she getting the ticket out?
00:47Great.
00:48Dirty flight at us.
00:50And small.
00:51The cereal has gone soggy.
00:53I'll also have to take on other people's problems.
00:56What is wrong with Peter?
00:57He used to make a sound and now he doesn't.
01:00By which I mean the locals at my pub who are always bringing me stuff to mend.
01:06Is it a train set?
01:08So join us and our excitable crew.
01:13Who will capture our endeavours.
01:15That was epic.
01:17As we create.
01:19Make.
01:20That feels like a terrible thing we've just done.
01:22Repair.
01:23So it's never worked.
01:24Not in my lifetime.
01:26And repurpose.
01:27In my shed load of ideas.
01:29What do you think?
01:30This is just brilliant.
01:31Here in Wiltshire, I have time to reflect on those issues that concern us all.
01:48Such as how to preserve this beautiful landscape.
01:52The muse of England's poets and artists.
01:57The rustling hedgerow.
01:59The delightful babbling brook and the abject weeping willow.
02:04The heart of the idyll that nestles in the breast of every English man and woman.
02:09Oh and the fly tipping site.
02:11The blight of town and country alike.
02:14These people disgust me.
02:17There are over a million fly tipping incidents reported in the UK each year.
02:22And they cost local authorities hundreds of millions of pounds to tidy up.
02:28It's a huge problem.
02:30But no problem is too huge for me and my two very handy right hand men.
02:35My trusty engineer Sim with his big ideas.
02:38Some kind of pivot from this point.
02:41Anywhere between here and here.
02:43And my ever ready carpenter.
02:45Tony the tool.
02:47Don't worry I'll just do everything over here.
02:50You carry on chatting.
02:51And so to my large and well equipped workshop where the very practical magic happens.
02:59So we've decided that our revenge on fly tippers should be poetic.
03:03It is a fly trap or a fly tipper trap if you like.
03:07Taking our inspiration from good old school fly paper.
03:12Which is this stuff.
03:13It's really like a very big piece of sticky paper.
03:16And you hang it up in your house.
03:17Flies fly into it because they're stupid.
03:19Their brains are absolutely minute.
03:21And they stick to it.
03:22Ha!
03:23And that's the end of them.
03:24So we want to do something similar but that acts on human beings.
03:29Which mean.
03:30God.
03:31Which means we need a sticky substance that will trap them.
03:36We'll leave Simmy to search for something sticky enough to catch our human flies.
03:41As Tony and I move next door to start work on the actual trap.
03:46Now we have to devise the trap itself.
03:49How it will be.
03:50What would the trendy would be delivered.
03:52It's Tony's idea so Tony will explain.
03:56Collapsable cattle grid.
03:58Oh.
03:59So we take a sheet of eight by four.
04:02Yes.
04:03We build a frame around it.
04:06Two supports.
04:08All our sticky stuff in the middle here.
04:11Mm-hmm.
04:12Box section.
04:13Forming a grid.
04:16Holes.
04:18Attached by string.
04:20Go into two pulleys.
04:25And go that way to a single pulley.
04:28With a mechanism that pulls and collapses.
04:31Why is the cattle grid there?
04:32Is there a gate?
04:33To stop cattle.
04:34No I know what it does.
04:36But it's not.
04:37Yes.
04:38So it's a gate.
04:39Usually you dump it.
04:40Usually I've heard people who dump things.
04:42Right.
04:43Dump it in a field.
04:44So the van pulls up.
04:46People get out with the sofa say.
04:47And they walk across the cattle grid.
04:49Which is positioned in front of a gate.
04:51And therefore is perfectly normal.
04:52Because you get cattle grids in front of gates.
04:55They throw the sofa into the fly tipping area.
05:00And it triggers a weighted mechanism.
05:02We haven't quite worked that bit out yet.
05:03Have we?
05:04Which through this pulley system.
05:07Concertinas the cattle grid like a Venetian blind.
05:11Exposing the sticky stuff.
05:13The panicking fly tippers run back to their van through here.
05:16And are stuck.
05:17Like flies on fly paper.
05:19That's basically it isn't it?
05:21Easy.
05:22Right.
05:23So should we put this on the floor.
05:24And do a bit of spacing out?
05:26Yeah.
05:29Let's just rough it out.
05:31Tony and I start laying out the steel rods.
05:34That will eventually become our cattle grid.
05:37How far apart are the rails of a cattle grid?
05:40Does it depend on what sort of animals you've got?
05:42Because cows have got bigger paws than sheep, haven't they?
05:46Obviously if you're making one for an elephant you could make them a little bit further apart.
05:50Right, the dilemma is we have to balance authenticity, i.e. the spacing of the rails on the cattle grid, with the requirements of the mechanism.
06:02Because it's got to pull all these together over here.
06:05That's quite a weight isn't it?
06:07Yeah.
06:08It's a lot of steel.
06:09I think that gap is too big, but it could be bigger than that one, which it will be when they're evenly spaced.
06:14So there's no getting around this Tony, we're going to have to do a bit of arithmetic.
06:17So, for our 1,220 millimetre wide cattle grid, we're going to need 10 bars, 107.7 millimetres apart.
06:27Yes, this is an exact science.
06:30Oh, our arithmetic is spot on.
06:33Well, nearly.
06:35Nearly.
06:36OK, that's our cattle grid, correctly spaced out.
06:42Come in with the sofa.
06:46Yes, I think that's...
06:49You'd walk across it carefully, cos there's a cattle grid, cos you tend to walk carefully across a cattle grid.
06:54I think, yes, I think we'll get away with that.
06:57Let's mark out the board with the exact positions of our roofing battens.
07:03We can fix those in place.
07:05Mm-hm.
07:06And go from there.
07:10Right, so the concept looks good.
07:12We've just got to make the thing now.
07:14First, Tony and I construct the wooden base frame, keeping a close eye on our maths.
07:23Then we need a bit of help from Simi to cut the steel rods so that Tony and I can drill very precise holes into them,
07:29which we'll thread rope through to collapse the grid, as long as we can keep up with Simi's exacting standards.
07:36Let's put a hole in the middle, right?
07:38I mean, look at that. How in the middle is that?
07:41All is proceeding at pace until...
07:46The problem is, well, there's no easy way of putting this, it's Tony.
07:52Sim has spotted that the board isn't perfectly square.
07:56It's just I didn't cut the factory edge off cos we were rushing.
07:59I'll just re-cut these.
08:001,790, then.
08:02Or thereabouts.
08:04Thank you, Simi.
08:06And once you've squared off our mistakes, Tony and I thread the poles together with rope,
08:10which will make this cattle grid collapsible.
08:13Ow!
08:14What have you done to that?
08:16I don't know, but we're going to have to flame it again.
08:18And finally we get to see if our cunning concertina plan actually works.
08:23In three, two, one...
08:28Oh!
08:30Oh, that works!
08:31It's beauty!
08:32It doesn't need that much force either.
08:34Collapsible cattle grid success,
08:36but we still need to find some really sticky stuff to fill it with.
08:40We also have to drill all the remaining pieces,
08:42devise the weighted mechanism that will close this,
08:46and we have to take the whole thing to a secret location in the countryside,
08:50fill it with our gunk, and then wait.
08:56For now, though, we take a break from our war against fly tippers for a well-earned pint.
09:01And it's now, when I'm at the pub,
09:03that people start bringing me their broken stuff that they want me to mend.
09:07In fact, I'm so used to this, I take my toolbox to the pub every time I go.
09:14Hello.
09:15Hi, I'm Kirsty.
09:16Hello, Kirsty.
09:17Hi.
09:18So, I have got my teddy bear, Peter.
09:20He's 53 years old.
09:22Oh, younger than me.
09:24Definitely younger than me.
09:26And apart from being utterly furless, what is wrong with Peter?
09:32He used to make a sound sort of like a sheep, and now he doesn't.
09:37He's been in a loft for 35-plus years.
09:41Poor sod.
09:42Yeah.
09:43Is it one of those where you do that and it...
09:44Yeah.
09:45What?
09:46You can hear it.
09:47Oh, yeah.
09:48Whatever that is.
09:49Something's moving.
09:50Yeah.
09:51What noise did it make?
09:52It was like a sheep, like a bar.
09:54I think...
09:55Well, I do know somebody who used to run a thing called Teddy Bear Hospital,
09:58and these old bears, they've usually got a moving weight and some sort of bellows.
10:02They used to be classified as squeakers and growlers.
10:05Right.
10:06One of them had a reed, and the other one had...
10:09Some kind of diaphragm or...
10:11Yeah.
10:12Something like that.
10:13So you want us to try and make the sound work again?
10:15If you could, that would be lovely.
10:17And you've had him since you were...
10:19How old?
10:20Before I was born, my grandmother gave it to my mother while she was pregnant with me.
10:25So it predates you?
10:26Yeah.
10:27The teddy was waiting for you as you popped out of the womb?
10:30He was.
10:31Are these your initials?
10:32They are my initials, yeah.
10:34My mum stitched them in because he used to go everywhere with me.
10:37I've got a picture of him, actually.
10:39Oh, that's when he still had his fur.
10:42Yeah.
10:43And his head was on properly.
10:44Yes.
10:45At what point did Peter lose his speech?
10:50Hmm.
10:51I have no idea.
10:53He's travelled with me.
10:54I was in the army, and he came everywhere with me.
10:57And then he ended up in a loft, and I thought I'd lost him.
11:04And then I got him back about three months ago, and he doesn't make any sound.
11:09How would you feel about us opening Peter up?
11:13That's fine.
11:14Are you sure?
11:15Yeah.
11:16We'll have to ask you to sign a consent form.
11:18Absolutely.
11:19And a do not resuscitate.
11:21Oh, look, there is my special superpower magnifying spectacles.
11:25And there is a scalpel.
11:28Has this been opened before?
11:30Not that I know of, no.
11:31How are you feeling about this, Kirsty?
11:33I'm slightly nervous.
11:35Whoop.
11:36Oh, swab.
11:38We found something that has not been exposed to the light since the early 1970s.
11:43Can I put my finger in?
11:45You might want to look away.
11:46I am.
11:47My God, it's huge.
11:49We need a bigger hole.
11:51We need a bigger hole.
11:52I'm actually getting nervous.
11:54Here it comes.
11:55Look at that.
11:56Is that the noise it used to make?
11:57Slightly.
11:58But longer?
11:59Longer, yeah.
12:00Simi, afford him some dignity.
12:01Oh, God.
12:02We'll put him in the recovery position.
12:05OK, we will take this back to the workshop, Kirsty.
12:21We will mend it, reinsert it in the bowels of Peter.
12:26Simi will stitch him back together.
12:28He will be returned to you, growling as he did in your youth, and you will never know,
12:33and neither will he, that anything had ever happened.
12:36Excellent.
12:37Either that or it will go wrong and we'll chuck him on the bonfire.
12:41Please don't.
12:43Will we be able to perform this important and life-saving operation?
12:47Will Peter growl again?
12:50Ah, Wiltshire, the beautiful countryside.
12:58But did you know that every 27 seconds somebody ruins it by fly-tipping, causing damage to farmland and wildlife?
13:07Luckily, Tony, Simi and I have come up with a cunning plan involving a collapsible cattle grid that will expose a sticky substance beneath to stop our fly-tippers in their tracks.
13:20Now we just have to select our gunk.
13:25The options we have arrived at are cornflour, epoxy resin, and this one, which is a mastic, so it remains plastic and sticky. Is that right?
13:37Yeah.
13:38What should we try? Should we try cornflour?
13:41I mean, cornflour, isn't it thixotropic, so if they run across a cornflour mix quickly, they will simply...
13:46Go across it.
13:47Go across it.
13:48But if they amble across it...
13:49Yes, then sink.
13:50How much should we put in?
13:52Let's put it all in.
13:53Put it all in.
13:54Do you think?
13:55Yeah.
13:58Cornflour is weird stuff, I think. I don't like using it in the kitchen.
14:02It's useful, well.
14:03It is useful. I mean, it's a crafty way to thicken up your cheese sauce.
14:06That is quite...so it's solid, but if you put gentle pressure, you're sick.
14:13Oh, yeah.
14:14Oh!
14:15It's quite nice, actually.
14:17And then it just goes liquid.
14:20The trouble with this is it's so much fun, you'd find millions of fly titlers just frolicking in your cornflour.
14:27This cornflour and water goo is non-Newtonian, meaning it doesn't follow Newton's laws,
14:33as it can act as both a solid and a liquid.
14:36And, handily for us, this ambiguity makes it very sticky.
14:41Shall we put it on the floor and put some shoe covers on?
14:43Who wants to try?
14:44We can try one each.
14:46Off to you.
14:47I'll do...I'll do this one then, sorry.
14:57Make sure you use the right foot.
14:59Yeah, good thinking, Batman.
15:00So you've thrown your sofa away, or your fridge, or whatever.
15:03Fly tips.
15:04Nobody saw that.
15:05I'm off.
15:11It's not very good.
15:12What's the drag on your foot there?
15:14No, it's...it's...it's pretty grippy.
15:17But I don't know that you'll necessarily get stuck.
15:19The idea is that the fly tipper is stuck to the fly tipper trap.
15:23I mean, let's reserve judgement until we've tried a few other things.
15:26Shall we try the mastic?
15:30So it never sets.
15:31No.
15:32It remains plastic, in the true sense, and hopefully quite sticky.
15:36Shall I?
15:37Yes.
15:38Carry on.
15:42It looks sticky.
15:43It does look sticky.
15:45This particular mastic forms an elastic, watertight sealant
15:49that sticks firmly to wood, metal, concrete and, we hope, humans.
15:54This smells fantastic.
15:58Has anybody got any Bob Dylan records?
16:02Right.
16:03Whose turn is it to try?
16:06Are you going to do it, Tony?
16:07Yeah, I'll do it.
16:08Yeah, go on, Tony.
16:11Are you going to put both feet in?
16:12Yeah, I want to get splashes on my trainers.
16:19So, remember to method act.
16:22What are you dumping, Tony?
16:23A telly.
16:24A telly, okay.
16:26Whoa, we've done that before.
16:28Whoa!
16:30Hey, that looked like it could be quite good.
16:32Wow.
16:33It's slippy as well.
16:34Really slippy.
16:36That's really sticky.
16:37Oh, that's pretty good.
16:40That's very good.
16:42So, the mastic works, but because Simi hates to feel left out,
16:46we decide to let him test the epoxy resin option.
16:49Also, he's got a bit of a thing about shoe covers.
16:52You ready, Simi?
16:53Right.
16:54With your big fridge and action.
16:55I've got my fridge all over the hedge it goes.
16:59Oh, ****.
17:00That's not very good.
17:04It's not very good, is it?
17:05It's also all over the floor.
17:06It is all over the floor.
17:07You need to get off the floor.
17:09It's very slippery.
17:11So, that's not ideal, is it?
17:12No.
17:14It's rubbish.
17:16So, to conclude this scene, men, because we've wanted to do it,
17:20you have one.
17:22Are you ready?
17:23In three, two, one.
17:31The mastic is a clear winner.
17:33It's the stickiest that we agreed.
17:35Absolutely.
17:36Right, so that's what we'll do.
17:38Once that sticky mastic is added to our cattle grid fly trap,
17:43we may just be able to protect rural littles up and down the country
17:47from the blight of fly tipping.
17:50But there's another danger threatening the countryside,
17:54and that's the worrying demise of pub games.
17:58As a landlord myself, I'm not keen on fruit machines and dreary pub quizzes.
18:03But what about revisiting one of the old standards?
18:09Oh!
18:12The game of darts, it's essential to the formation of England's character.
18:16Because without our prowess at darts, we wouldn't have been good at archery
18:19and defeated the French at Agincourt, for example.
18:23Now, this is a standard dartboard, probably the one you're familiar with.
18:26It's got doubles on the outside, trebles on the inner ring,
18:29and then a bull and a double bull.
18:31But there are other types of dartboard.
18:33For example, there is a Yorkshire dartboard, which only has the doubles.
18:37And then there's a Manchester dartboard, which has the numbers in a different order.
18:41There's also a Bath dartboard, which has some extra scoring areas around the outside, and so on and so on.
18:47Wiltshire does not have its own dartboard, so we thought maybe we'd come up with one.
18:55What do you think, Tony?
18:57Er, yeah. What would you do, though?
18:59When I was a kid, me and my brother used to play drop darts, where you put the dartboard on the floor.
19:06We actually used to do it out of the bedroom window, with the dartboard down below in the garden.
19:12Let's try holding it by the...
19:15Oh, shot! Is it in?
19:17No, it's 25.
19:19Miles off.
19:21Er...
19:22I mean...
19:24It involves a lot of bending down, though.
19:27What if the dartboard starts rotating?
19:31Imagine how difficult it would be to throw at a rotating darts board.
19:35Yeah!
19:36That'd be... Yeah, we could do that.
19:38That'd be fun.
19:40Obviously, because we are, in fact, engineers, we need to test out the concept.
19:46OK, so stand on the occhi, but about two feet back from the occhi.
19:49Oh, I don't want to throw a dart at you like that.
19:53No, no.
19:54Oh!
19:56You ready?
19:59You having a laugh?
20:00No.
20:05Yes, three on the board.
20:07OK, now it's my turn.
20:16Crap rolling.
20:17It's supposed to go over there.
20:18You deflected it with your first dart.
20:21So the rotation idea works, but not rolling the board.
20:25Now we need Simi's help to try and make the board rotate in space.
20:30Shall we have a beer?
20:31Good idea.
20:33While Tony and I head off for a pint, Simi throws himself into creating a mechanism that will rotate our Wiltshire dartboard.
20:40First, he attaches a rotary switch to a wooden frame, and then he rigs up a variable speed controller before, after a quick swig, soldering together a small motor with a manual switch.
20:56Then he attaches a battery, has another essential beer break, and finally tests the rotating mechanism that will eventually attach to the dartboard, which we'll try out later, once Simi's joined us in the garden for another pint.
21:11Exciting!
21:12You find me back in my Wiltshire pub, and for good reason.
21:26There isn't enough entertainment in the pub, especially since I've banned Morris dancers and minstrels.
21:33So we're looking at how to refresh the greatest of all pub games.
21:37With the introduction of the Wiltshire dartboard, allow me to show it to you.
21:44Here it is, hanging on the wall at the regulation height, with the 20 at the top, where you'd expect.
21:50My two players, if you'd like to take the occi, gentlemen, then you will remember where you were when you first saw this,
21:58because the game of darts was changed forever.
22:04There it goes. The rotating Wiltshire dartboard.
22:10Doesn't look like much, but it makes the game extremely difficult, and let's be honest, it wasn't easy to start with.
22:16We're playing highest score, three darts, your throw, sir.
22:19It's making me dizzy.
22:20Here's the 20, but it's going round and round, you see, because it's the Wiltshire dartboard.
22:23Rubbish.
22:24Oh, he's going for the bull.
22:26Oh, it's tricky.
22:2743.
22:3012.
22:3219.
22:34Oh, rubbish.
22:36James, come on. Do your best.
22:42Oh!
22:44Hang on.
22:4634.
22:48No.
22:49No, no, no.
22:50Right, I'm speeding it up for round two.
22:52Oh!
22:53Oh!
22:58Oh!
22:59Yes!
23:00Wow!
23:01Should we reverse?
23:03Oh!
23:06Oh, he's got 60.
23:07Oh!
23:08Oh!
23:09Oh!
23:10Oh!
23:11I do believe I missed the ball, James.
23:13I've only got this one left, and I have to score 29 or more.
23:18Oh!
23:23That means the winner is Sim.
23:25Ah!
23:27But this invention wasn't meant just to entertain the three of us.
23:30It has to work on the seething, roaring mass that is the general public.
23:36Let's see if any of the locals would like to play Wiltshire darts.
23:40OK.
23:43Hmm.
23:44No.
23:45It's not looking good.
23:47Well, yes, you're right.
23:48It's not ideal.
23:49It's not good.
23:50It's 24.
23:53That's nothing.
23:54At least I tried.
23:58Five.
24:00Six.
24:03Ten.
24:04Congratulations.
24:05That's truly terrible.
24:07Terrible.
24:10Eight.
24:12Oh, dear.
24:13That's 17, sir.
24:15That's very poor.
24:16I hope you don't mind me saying.
24:18Scores may be low, but the game is a huge hit with the regulars,
24:22and also, it turns out, with our film crew,
24:25with producer Lucy very keen to play.
24:30You've thrown it away.
24:32As everybody rushes to stand in front of the board for their own safety,
24:35it's probably time to sum this up.
24:38I'm not entirely sure what to say about Wiltshire darts,
24:40apart from that it's excellent.
24:46That's one successful step along the path to revitalise British pub entertainment.
24:51And I've got plenty more ideas up my sleeve.
24:53But now, we must return to the pressing matter of Kirsty's bear, who, after years in the loft,
25:00has lost his growl, and Simi and I have been entrusted with the weighty task of giving Peter his voice back.
25:07Right, viewers, our mission today is to provide Peter the bear, beloved of Kirsty,
25:14with a more impressive...
25:17..one of those.
25:19According to Kirsty, it was originally louder and longer,
25:22and we may be able to improve the sound as well.
25:25We've never done this before, oddly.
25:27First, we need to remove Peter's growl box to see how it works.
25:36What if we made that just twice as long, and this twice as long, and then...
25:42..that you'd get a longer...
25:44So it is, it's like...
25:49Oh, God!
25:53It's got a very simple reed there,
25:56similar to something you would find in a crude musical instrument.
25:59And this seems to be some sort of very, very simple amplifier.
26:04We could remake that...
26:07Bigger.
26:08..much bigger and much longer.
26:10There's a lot of room.
26:11There's tons of room.
26:12It could go right down to his...
26:14..and up to his neck.
26:15So we could, you know, we could put an enormous growler in there.
26:20LAUGHTER
26:23Yes.
26:25Right, that's the plan.
26:27We're going to remake it bigger and better,
26:31which in terms of a teddy bear growl means longer.
26:34To see if we can give Peter a larger, longer growl,
26:38Sim and I want to see what happens when we elongate the sandbox's journey
26:43by throwing it down the longest tube we can find.
26:46Three metres of cylindrical polyvinyl chloride.
26:48Is everybody ready?
26:50Also known as a drain pipe.
26:52Let her go.
26:54Uh...
26:58Um...
27:02I think it needs to be totally upright.
27:04All right.
27:12That was epic!
27:14Nice!
27:16Are you trying with the shorter length?
27:17Yes.
27:18So, Peter's growler needs to be...
27:20Oh, that?
27:21Yeah.
27:22Now we've established how big we can make Peter's new growler,
27:25we cut it to size.
27:28Let's just see how long a growl we get.
27:33It's got to be a bit safer than that.
27:36To slow the movement of the growler and thus lengthen the growl,
27:41we need some sort of fabric cap with holes punched through.
27:45It's a bit on the wonk, isn't it?
27:47I mean, it doesn't matter.
27:48I mean, no one's ever going to see it because it's going to be deep in Peter's bowel.
27:54Apart from all the people watching it on the television, obviously.
27:57I think to get a result, we need to tape this on to the end.
28:01To seal that one end.
28:03The noise goes in that way?
28:04Yeah.
28:08Why, how could that...
28:18Is there a plan B at this point?
28:20No.
28:24Okay.
28:25Anyway, we're not going to give up.
28:28Luckily, Simi, Ever the Optimist, has an idea that might help create the sound.
28:33And it involves a pair of black rubber gloves.
28:37We're making a replacement bellow.
28:40The old one is rather elaborate.
28:44We're not sure what material it is.
28:46It's almost like a waxed paper.
28:49But it has been ironed so that it has effectively a helix in it.
28:55So it's ironed in two directions.
28:58So it's got ridges on the outside and the inside.
29:00But that seems unnecessarily complicated in a world of modern materials such as rubber gloves.
29:06So we're making it out of the rubber glove.
29:08The theory here is that the rubber glove should fill with air and force it past the reed, which makes the sound.
29:15Okay.
29:17Are we ready?
29:18I'm slightly...
29:19How can that not work?
29:21The addition of the bellows has made...
29:36Let's have a look.
29:37The growlers stick in the tube.
29:39Oh, is that what it's doing?
29:40Is that what it's doing?
29:46So feeble.
29:48Situation update on Peter the teddy bear.
29:50Situation update is that since Peter the bear was admitted to our bear growler hospital, his condition has deteriorated quite significantly.
30:02Some of his stuffing's come out.
30:04He's got a massive wound in his spine and his voice doesn't work anymore.
30:09But apart from that...
30:10It's not easy, is it?
30:11I hate this bear.
30:14So our attempts at repairing Peter's existing growl box have run adrift.
30:20But we can't let Kirsty and her precious bear down.
30:23And so, after some deliberation, Sim and I decide that desperate times call for desperate measures.
30:30Are you sitting comfortably, children?
30:33Kirsty had a very special bear called Peter.
30:36And Peter could growl like a proper grown-up bear.
30:41But one day, Peter's growl failed.
30:44And Kirsty sent poor Peter to Simeon James to be repaired.
30:49It's proved rather difficult because Peter's reed is bent and worn out, his bellows have perished.
30:55But, of course, you know all that, children, because you've been on this incredible adventure with us.
31:00But now, Simi and James have had to do something they've never done before on this show.
31:07Which is, order a spare part and fit that instead.
31:10Here it is, commercially available growler from a bear specialist.
31:14Peter can growl again.
31:19And now, Mr Oakley, the surgeon, is going to sew it into Peter.
31:28And nobody need ever know.
31:31It's our secret.
31:33There you go, Sim.
31:34Thank you very much.
31:36Once Simi has sewn up, the patient will send him to convalesce.
31:40The bear, I mean.
31:41Before returning him to Kirsty, as good as new.
31:44Well, almost.
31:45You rejoin us in Wiltshire, where I'm coming up with ideas to solve problems big and small that bother us all.
31:56Whether that's flytippers ruining the glorious countryside, or that your lunch is just lacking that certain something.
32:04We have identified a problem, which is that you go out to a pub or a restaurant and you have some food,
32:10and it's all jolly nice, but you think, I'd like a little bit of garnish on that.
32:13What if you could take the garnish with you, and then you could garnish whatever it was you were eating, wherever?
32:20So we thought, why not incorporate them into an item of clothing?
32:24To wit, a hat.
32:26You see, this rests very conveniently on your head.
32:29If the brim were full of soil and herbs, you could merely pluck one and add it to your cheesy pasta.
32:37So, join me as we make the world's first herb hat.
32:44This is harder than it looks.
32:50The problem I'm experiencing is that the brim of the hat is not as deep as the typical English garden herb bed.
32:59So maybe we need to get rid of some bigger.
33:02And maybe make the soil a bit wetter.
33:04But don't I have to retain the root?
33:07Yes, but if you just...
33:09So if we get rid of those boys, and keep that one in its root...
33:13What, and discard those?
33:14I think snip that off.
33:15I always have my comedy carrot-shaped Japanese scissors in my pocket, fortunately.
33:20I snip those off.
33:23We're now getting somewhere with the herb hat.
33:26Compacted soil and a sprig of basil.
33:30I've been on television quite a long time now, I think it's about 25 years.
33:34And because I understand the basics of television,
33:37I know that we're going to skip forward to a comedy shot of me approaching my own pub with a hat full of herbs on my head.
33:41And here I am.
33:47Afternoon.
33:48Afternoon.
33:49Ham, egg and chips.
33:50Yes.
33:51Epic.
33:53Nice hat, James.
33:55Yeah, you're rocking that.
34:00Sorry.
34:02It was a bit of a breeze.
34:05Would you like some...
34:06Garni?
34:08Have you got any coriander?
34:09I have.
34:10I believe it's there, isn't it?
34:12Yes.
34:13May I?
34:14Yes, of course.
34:15Here are the exquisite Japanese scissors.
34:21Sim, anything you'd like with your...
34:22A little basil would be nice.
34:24Basil is...
34:25Ooh.
34:26Can Tony reach that?
34:27Ooh, ooh.
34:28Is that enough?
34:29Yeah.
34:30I think ham, egg and chips, I would like...
34:33I'd like a few chives on my eggs and my chips.
34:36Allow me.
34:37Here you go.
34:38Thanks awfully.
34:39What do you think of my hat?
34:40I mean, be honest.
34:41Well, honest.
34:42Yeah, yeah.
34:43I mean, you look like words of gummage, but...
34:44It's a bit Morristal, isn't it?
34:45It's actually very useful.
34:46It's a top hat.
34:47See what I did there?
34:48I'd say this works.
34:49Mmm.
34:50Mmm.
34:51It's a little uncomfortable, but it's very achievable at home.
34:53All you need is a hat, some nutrient-rich soil, some herbs, a low sense of self-esteem.
34:57Robert's your mother's brother.
34:58Next, spice shoes.
34:59No, that's ridiculous.
35:00Shoes covered in spices would just look stupid.
35:02Meanwhile, here are some lovely shots of the Wiltshire countryside.
35:06And we're hoping to keep it that way.
35:07with our cunning invention to stop scitchens.
35:35invention to stop the curse of fly tipping. We return to the fly tipper fly trap. Fly
35:44tipping is becoming a blight. In the countryside we have devised a way of catching people in
35:49the act. It is essentially a fly trap. It's based on the idea of a retracting cattle grid
35:55that exposes a very sticky substance that traps the miscreants so that they can be apprehended
36:01and then they can pay their debt to society. Now in a previous instalment we proved the
36:06principle of the retracting cattle grid and now we've set it up in this fly tipping area.
36:12It's already full of junk. It's a very popular location. You know, saw horses, old records
36:17players, speakers, badminton bats and so on and amongst is a fairly typical old bicycle or
36:23is it? No it isn't. It is actually the trigger mechanism for the whole thing. Let me explain
36:28you how it works. When our fly tippers approach, they walk over the cattle grid which is closed
36:33and it's outside a gate. They suspect nothing and they lob whatever it is, their bread maker,
36:38whatever, over here and it hits this trigger string. This trigger string via this pulley
36:46here pulls on this hinged piece of wood which releases the front brake of the bicycle. The
36:54front wheel now free to rotate begins to rotate under the tension of this bungee cord until the
37:01sledgehammer which is attached to the wheel passes top dead centre and then gravity does its work. The
37:08rotation of the wheel and the extra torque provided by the sledgehammer operates this pulley system
37:13which retracts the cattle grid. They think we got away with that, run away, stuck, we turn up with
37:20clubs and beat them to death. Now we're going to test this out with some fictitious fly tippers. This is
37:24not real, this is a setup but me, Tony and Simi, to see if it works, are going to watch from over there
37:30behind the wall. If you didn't understand the explanation, don't worry, we're filming it all with
37:35little cameras and we'll do a slow motion action replay and you can see it all working in graphic
37:40detail. Right, are we ready? Let's prime the trap. So a few redesigned and repurposed bits of junk could,
37:51if we've got our calculations correct, trigger our trap and catch some fly tippers in the world's first
37:57ever, fly tipping, fly trap. It's quite sticky. Patent pending. Right, I think we can go and hide.
38:05So, the trap is set and, as if by magic, a mysterious van pulls up. Oh, he's stopping. He is, he is.
38:26He is. Oh, he's got to be one. That's a really tatty van, that's always a sign. He's getting out.
38:33Oh, they've got hoodies on. Oh, look at them, dirty fly tippers. Yes, dirty fly tippers that do look
38:40remarkably like members of our crew. What is it? What is it? Washing machine? It's a bloody mattress.
38:47Yes. Oh, God. Over the cattle grid. Go on. There you go. Yes, yes, yes. Oh. Yes. Yes.
39:04Yes. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha
39:34but the principle is sound.
39:36Fly tippers can be caught like flies in a trap,
39:39and that is engineering and poetic success.
39:47So, we've solved fly tipping, pub entertainment,
39:50garnishing on the move,
39:52but we've really struggled trying to fix Peter the bear,
39:56whose growler was no longer fit for purpose.
39:59I never imagined I would end up being involved
40:02in the repair of a teddy bear.
40:04I was expecting clocks or lawn mowers, you know.
40:08Not teddies. Not a teddy bear.
40:11What a pain.
40:12I'll be quite glad to see the back of him.
40:14Aw, I'll miss Peter.
40:16I can see the back of him now.
40:18I don't know how she's going to react
40:20when we admit that we haven't really mended him as such.
40:22What happens if she throws one?
40:24I don't think she will.
40:26Do you think so? No.
40:28What we've actually done here is a transplant.
40:30And a successful one.
40:32And that's really the cutting edge of teddy bear medicine.
40:41Hello. Hello. Hello.
40:42Have a seat. Nice to see you again.
40:44Hi.
40:46Here is Roger.
40:48Peter!
40:50Have you missed him?
40:52I've missed him a lot.
40:53Have you?
40:54I have.
40:55Well, it's strange.
40:56We've become very familiar with Peter.
40:58He's been a constant lurking presence in our lives.
41:01And looked after very carefully, of course.
41:04I'm glad. I'm glad you did.
41:05Well, do you want to know what we've done?
41:07Yes, please.
41:08Well, Simi began the quite difficult operation
41:10with a long incision down his spine.
41:13Yeah.
41:14And then we successfully removed his growler.
41:17Yes.
41:18And that's where things became a bit difficult.
41:20It had sort of disintegrated a bit.
41:22Yeah.
41:23And his growl wasn't very strong anymore.
41:25No.
41:26And we looked at making a longer tube and a bigger bellows.
41:29We tried various fabrics.
41:31We tried a rubber glove.
41:32Sounds a bit complicated.
41:33It was complicated.
41:34He was on the table for hours.
41:36And at one point, we thought we might lose him.
41:37Eventually...
41:38Yeah.
41:39..we consulted...
41:40..well, a consultant teddy bear surgeon...
41:42Yeah.
41:43..who said, I'm afraid he had to have a new growler.
41:46So he's had a transplant.
41:48OK.
41:49But if you'd like to tip him on his back...
41:52Oh!
41:53Oh!
41:54It's the same!
41:55Oh!
41:56It's the same!
41:57It's the same!
41:58It's the same!
41:59It's the same!
42:00It's the same!
42:01It's the same!
42:02It's the same!
42:03It's the same!
42:04It's the same!
42:05Oh!
42:06It's the same!
42:07It sounds exactly the same!
42:13Oh!
42:14Oh, it does...
42:15It sounds exactly the same!
42:16If you tip him right back and wait for a bit...
42:19OK.
42:20..for the router to extend...
42:22..and then...
42:23It sounds just like a telephone!
42:26LAUGHTER
42:27So you're pleased?
42:29Very pleased.
42:30Thank you so much!
42:32It's so good!
42:33Well, I'm delighted that you're pleased with Peter.
42:35I'm very pleased.
42:36Because I thought I'd lost him for a long, long time,
42:38and now he sounds exactly like he did when I was a child, so...
42:41Yeah, he's quite emotional!
42:43Well, you can take him back to your home...
42:46..and enjoy the rest of your lives together!
42:47I will!
42:48Thank you so much!
42:49It's really appreciated!
42:50That's OK!
42:51It's a pleasure!
42:52Thank you!
42:53Thank you!
42:54Thank you!
42:55Thank you very much!
42:56Thank you!
42:57Thank you!
42:58Bye!
42:59Bring him back when his head falls off!
43:00Can you see her?
43:01She's properly delighted!
43:02That bear is loved!
43:03And if we, as humanity, could love each other the way Kirsty loves that bear,
43:05everything would be OK, apart from for me!
43:21Poetic music plays
43:25like music plays
43:29so…
43:31horrible
43:34chaotic reminds
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