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Transcript
00:01Santa Claus is coming to town, bitches!
00:06What the f*** is going on?
00:10The only puppies you're gonna have to worry about today are these.
00:13Hello, devoted fans.
00:14Merry Christmas.
00:15Christmas.
00:16You heard him, girls.
00:17Christmas is awesome.
00:21It's bullshit.
00:22You know your parole officer said no costumes.
00:24Some shit's been going down, so we're asking the usual suspects.
00:27Pedophiles and such.
00:28Anything interesting?
00:29Some kids have been murdered.
00:30Kids murdered?
00:32So you ready for your first big adventure?
00:34Don't forget to check out our pics and like them if you do.
00:37I thought this place would be a lot more old and decrepit looking
00:40for the amount of years it's been abandoned.
00:43Fuck you, Jerry.
00:44What is it?
00:45I was just thinking about the Bernards.
00:47I mean, seeing her lying there like that,
00:49with all that blood with her heart ripped out.
00:52That's gross.
00:53Officer Green seems to think it was a bear.
00:55We didn't go there yet.
00:59Get the hell out of here now!
01:00You're the target!
01:019-1-1, what's your emergency?
01:02We're being attacked!
01:03No!
01:04No!
01:05No!
01:06No!
01:07No!
01:08No!
01:09No!
01:10No!
01:11No!
01:12No!
01:13Look!
01:14Get the hell out of here now!
01:15I'll shoot you back!
01:16You're the target!
01:179-1-1, what's your emergency?
01:24We're being attacked.
01:33What are you going to do, you fat fuck, huh?
01:37I'm not fat, you're fat.
01:41Now that's enough.
01:42Shit.
01:43You've been trespassing on my property and you're fucking my shit up.
01:48That's Krampus.
01:51Krampus.
01:52You know, another damn body, Bruce.
01:54Son of a bitch.
01:57Santa Claus, we're going to leave you and your killer Wookiee here alone and we're going to get the hell out of here.
02:02Did you not see my magic cane?
02:09How do you fit down the chimney?
02:10Magic, of course.
02:11There is no such thing as a naughty or a nice list.
02:17Krampus has had a return.
02:19We've got more kids.
02:22Dispatch Officer Green and Sean.
02:24How about we go to the police and tell them about your fucking boyfriend?
02:28No, you can't do that.
02:29Krampus cannot be killed.
02:31We're connected.
02:31I think human lives are a little bit more important than blowing your cover.
02:34Krampus kills children, puts them in that basket, then he takes them to hell.
02:39He was taking these slimy hairballs from the basket and putting them into the Christmas boxes.
02:43I think of a plan.
02:44Even more than killing children, he loves women.
02:50Let's get naughty.
02:53Goddamn piss shit, mother...
02:54This ain't no baby.
03:02How did Santa get you?
03:03I don't...
03:04I don't know where I'm the Krampus.
03:06Krampus!
03:07I want you to get out to Santa land.
03:11No!
03:15Sadie!
03:16Does Krampus talk?
03:17Never.
03:18Sadie!
03:18No!
03:19Can't breathe!
03:20Oh, shit.
03:25Shit.
03:30Kill them!
03:31Krampus!
03:32Put the women down!
03:33Now!
03:33You're crazy!
03:34Hello?
03:35Okay, what the fuck is going on?
03:38Chris!
03:38I knew you killed that kid.
03:40I knew you were crazy like that.
03:41The real killer's out there.
03:42He's Santa.
03:46Give me the fucking gun.
03:47Give me the neck.
03:47Oh, shit.
03:48Oh, shit.
03:49Oh, shit.
03:50Oh, shit.
03:51Oh, shit.
03:52Oh, shit.
03:53Oh, shit.
03:54Oh, shit.
03:55Oh, shit.
03:56Oh, shit.
03:57Oh, shit.
03:58What's she doing here?
03:59I got this.
04:00You chose tonight to call in some bitches for fun rides?
04:04That's not what it looks like.
04:05That must make her Mrs. Claus.
04:06Even when your business failed and we had to eat the reindeer, did I ever complain?
04:12We haven't heard from Sean in a while.
04:14Oh, shit.
04:15Oh, shit.
04:16Oh, shit.
04:17What have you done?
04:18I was portrayed as fat.
04:20We both know that I am fucking hot.
04:24I am cleansing the world of all the little shits, naughty or nice.
04:33Go get our sleigh.
04:35Go get your feet and go.
04:36Oh, shit.
04:37I'm so sorry.
04:48Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop!
04:50Stop!
04:52I'm so sorry.
05:06In the forties,
05:08your culture banned Krampus.
05:10God forbid
05:12they should scare a little morality
05:14into the children.
05:16Krampus was out of the picture in society's
05:18eyes and, you know, quite honestly
05:20they didn't need
05:22me anymore. Toys
05:24were made in factories.
05:26Presents bought. Santa's
05:28sit on their fat asses in malls.
05:30Place so that I could
05:32see the joy in the children's eyes
05:34once again. I had very high hopes for it.
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