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FunTranscript
00:00I wouldn't tell you.
00:04Maybe you could explain to me what it is that you've committed us to.
00:09So it's not going to be like a speed dating thing.
00:12What's it called?
00:13I don't know. It's like Vegas Girls or something like that.
00:16You're nervous.
00:17Well, because dating is weird.
00:20Dating is weird.
00:21I really have no idea what we've gotten into.
00:24We're just going to have fun, and if I meet somebody, cool.
00:30After the Sella Coyote Pass, I was disappointed.
00:34I've been saying embarrassed, but the real factor is that I felt ashamed.
00:40I'm in North Carolina right now.
00:42I'm traveling here to meet with Janelle.
00:47It's an effort to just say, have a great...
00:51I don't even know how to say it.
00:53I don't even know what to say, really.
00:56I was hurt, and I was angry, and I was betrayed,
00:59and I wanted to...
01:00I had a feeling of, let's get even.
01:03I'm on the right path.
01:05I'm looking forward to laying it all out bare with what I've done.
01:10I do.
01:10I'm looking forward to domination.
01:16I'm going to be.
01:20I'm going to be.
01:29I'm going to be.
01:31I'm going to be.
01:32Do we have to do this?
01:47I don't know if we've gotten ourselves into it.
01:48Do we have to?
01:49So Amber and I came to Vegas.
01:51We came for this speed dating type event.
01:54Hello, ladies.
01:56Hello.
01:57Hi.
01:57Are you guys ready to find love?
01:59Yes, actually.
02:01So this is kind of like a speed dating type event
02:04at a golf location and kind of like a bar area.
02:09Hopefully there's about an equal amount of girls and guys.
02:11I haven't seen that yet, but maybe it'll happen.
02:14OK.
02:15So you're going to scan the QR code.
02:16It'll have you fill out a questionnaire.
02:19So around 8.45 or so, we'll break you into some smaller groups.
02:23And then it'll do another countdown,
02:25and you're going to get the match that it thinks
02:26is your best match based on the answers you put into there.
02:28That's a really long time from now.
02:31Yes.
02:31So we're supposed to mingle with random people
02:34for over an hour.
02:35That's what the liquid courage is for.
02:36OK, got it.
02:37We're going to go far in here.
02:41I'm nervous.
02:42We both are.
02:43Not quite sure what to expect.
02:45We're just doing it.
02:47Here we go.
02:48Here we go.
02:52Now we have to answer these questions.
02:53OK.
02:54Flirting is a form of cheating.
02:56Yes.
02:57Strongly disagree, strongly agree.
03:01I agree.
03:02Yeah, I definitely think that if you're flirting with somebody
03:05and you're in a relationship, I mean,
03:07you shouldn't be doing that.
03:10I think flirting in a plural relationship is, like,
03:14you need to be careful with it, and you need to actually
03:16nurture all of your relationships if you're wanting
03:19to flirt with somebody in front of somebody else.
03:22If one wife is not secure and you're out there flirting
03:26with the other wife in front of her, that's just rude.
03:30You know, Cody was naturally warm and was naturally
03:35demonstrative.
03:37You know, that was just what it was.
03:39You know, it was plural marriage.
03:40It was what we were living.
03:41And I never thought it was a good idea to hide it anyway,
03:44but that was something they had established
03:47before I even came along.
03:49I mean, Cody always had little things that he would do that
03:52would, to flirt with us all, and didn't, was normal,
03:55didn't bother me, yeah.
03:56He'd do a little wink or something, you know,
03:59and I guess sort of like a little flirt with us in front
04:02of each other.
04:03And it didn't really ever bother me.
04:04I mean, that's part of plural marriage.
04:08Everything pretty much was, like, when you're with
04:10everybody, you're classy.
04:12You know, you didn't really do stuff like that.
04:14That's like, that'd be like a polygamous family killer,
04:17I would think, you know, to be all like that.
04:19Okay, next question's gonna be your favorite.
04:22I prefer kinky sex.
04:23Wait, wait.
04:26I, what?
04:27Yep.
04:31What'd you put?
04:33What'd you put?
04:34One.
04:36I mean, to be fair, I wouldn't know, but there's that.
04:39Okay.
04:40You know, you would change your answer.
04:42I don't want to think.
04:45I feel bad, because I know that these days,
04:48with dating, it's very complicated.
04:49It's not what it used to be, you know.
04:51The smartphone has just totally annihilated
04:53that whole thought process.
04:54I feel bad for people that are having to go
04:56through this process now.
04:59You're in.
04:59Keep an eye on your text.
05:00When your host runs the algorithm,
05:02you'll get your match from this number.
05:04Yay.
05:05This is weird.
05:07Mine.
05:08What's...
05:09Where are we going?
05:10I don't know.
05:11I don't know, let's walk.
05:12I definitely go in with low expectations,
05:15and then, if something happens, great, you know?
05:18What about the guy there looking at his phone?
05:25Not for me, for you.
05:26No, I don't think so.
05:27No?
05:28I don't know.
05:29Yes.
05:31I wanted to wait.
05:32You know, maybe not everybody was there yet.
05:34Maybe other people were going to show up.
05:36There is this one guy here who's got his eye out
05:39for that girl.
05:40Yep.
05:41100%.
05:42I saw him walk in, and he was like,
05:44yep, I know who I want.
05:48I mean, there's a decent amount of people.
05:51Definitely the majority are women.
05:53I was kind of hoping that there would be more men,
05:58and maybe more men that I would be interested in.
06:01But at the same time, like, this is what dating is about.
06:04This is dating.
06:06And I don't know if...
06:08I mean, I haven't dated since I was a teenager.
06:11But I think the dating scene is just kind of tough for...
06:15I think it's just tough all around.
06:18Are we just being party poopers?
06:20Maybe.
06:21Are we being too picky?
06:22Maybe.
06:24Are we closed off?
06:28I see nobody of interest at all for me or for you.
06:32I don't either.
06:33I see nobody.
06:36I feel like I get to be picky.
06:40You know, and I get that, like, I'm not going to find, like,
06:42the perfect person that checks all the boxes.
06:46And I don't think the perfect person exists.
06:49But the perfect person for me exists,
06:50and that's who I'm looking for.
06:53So I think I get to be picky.
07:10I'm here in North Carolina so that I can meet up with Janelle.
07:12I'm basically just following through with my plans for apology to my ex-wives.
07:20And I'm willing to accept that it might happen with rejection.
07:24And I might have to just do my best to stay the course.
07:27I don't want to fight.
07:29I just want to apologize.
07:31You know, since Cody first called me and said,
07:36I want to come meet with you, I thought, why?
07:39Like, I mean, why now?
07:41You know, and I think that was part of the reason I was like,
07:44well, I'll go see.
07:45I'm curious what you have to say.
07:46But is this going to be even for real?
07:52Hi.
07:52How are you?
07:53Good.
07:54Are you feeling healthy?
07:55Yeah, I am.
07:56Good, good.
07:57Nice to see you.
07:57Thanks for meeting with me.
07:58I appreciate it.
08:02Thanks.
08:05I guess, you know, I saw Cody in person when we all met up at Coyote Pass,
08:09and that was so awkward.
08:10We didn't really talk to each other.
08:11It was just awkward.
08:13Robin was there, and that makes the dynamic really weird.
08:16Cody feels like he has to run interference and protect Robin and,
08:19like, I don't know, whatever.
08:20I don't know whatever.
08:21Like, it was so awkward and disjointed when we all met up at the property.
08:25And this is just he and I.
08:27There's no other outside parties.
08:28There's no politics.
08:30Have you eaten here before?
08:32I have.
08:32It's really good.
08:33Yeah?
08:33Awesome.
08:34Yeah.
08:36So.
08:36Well, good choice then.
08:39Yeah, like, it's like people that I know like this place,
08:42and so they recommended it.
08:43OK, cool.
08:44And I'm like, when you said this, I'm like, OK, sure.
08:45Yeah.
08:46Sure.
08:46All right.
08:48The town, it's all quaint.
08:50I wore a jacket because I couldn't see the humidity,
08:53assuming that it would be a little bit high.
08:54Yeah.
08:55But it seemed cold because all the weather was pretty cool.
08:58Yeah, we've had an unusual year.
08:59We have.
09:00Like, it's cool.
09:01Yeah.
09:04So that's great.
09:09This is so awkward.
09:10But even if you have to start out with the weather,
09:14you've got to start out with some conversation
09:16to break a little bit of ice.
09:17You can't just jump into something,
09:19especially as heavy as an apology.
09:27I don't want to talk to Cody ever again.
09:31Cody contacted me and wants to have a conversation.
09:35I need to know what the motive is, which is so sad to admit.
09:39I literally knew Cody for two months at the time
09:42that we got engaged.
09:44There's no way I would ever do that again.
09:57This is the weirdest experience.
10:02You know what?
10:02Golfing has never been my thing, right?
10:04I mean, I've done mini golf, and I think mini golf
10:07is a lot of fun.
10:08I don't know.
10:09I'm not good at golf, and so I'm not
10:10going to go up with a bunch of people
10:11that I'm not comfortable with and, like, do something
10:14that I look stupid doing either, so.
10:16Look.
10:18This dude's a police.
10:19East.
10:25I'm not trying to discount my 30 years of marriage,
10:29but I know what I want, and I know what I don't want
10:33based on experiences that I've had.
10:37I literally knew Cody for two months at the time
10:39that we got engaged.
10:41We knew each other for six months at the time
10:43that we got married.
10:46And, you know, like, we came from a religious culture
10:48that promoted that, for sure, and so it was normal for us.
10:52But there's no way I would ever do that again.
10:57All right, everybody.
11:00It's the moment that you've all been waiting for.
11:04In a few seconds, you are about to get a text message
11:07to your phone.
11:08You will get your match.
11:11Woo!
11:13I, you know, it's, I think it's going to be interesting
11:15to see if they even match me with somebody,
11:19um, just based on this questionnaire,
11:22that maybe they will, maybe they won't, I don't know.
11:24But it doesn't feel like a speed-dating event at all.
11:30Woo!
11:32Woo!
11:33Woo!
11:34Woo!
11:35Woo!
11:36You used to get one yet?
11:37No.
11:38Yeah, I think the structure of the speed-dating event
11:41that I went to up in Salt Lake was so much better.
11:44Tell me about yourself.
11:45Are you, um, how long have you been single?
11:47Single, two years.
11:49Two years.
11:49I have a dog.
11:50Nice.
11:51I have a child.
11:52I'm really glad that I met Ron at the other event.
11:55Um, he and I have a really cool connection.
11:58But this is just the world that I'm living in right now.
12:02You know, the dating scene is weird.
12:07You know, it's like, sometimes it's going to be fun.
12:10Sometimes I'm going to be interested in a guy,
12:12and he's not going to be interested in me.
12:13Sometimes vice versa.
12:15You know what I mean?
12:16Like, it's just, it just is what it is.
12:19Woo!
12:21Matches are here.
12:22We didn't match anybody better.
12:31I didn't end up getting matched with anybody.
12:34And I'm OK with that, because I didn't see anybody
12:37that I wanted to be matched with.
12:39So it was a win.
12:42I don't know what to do now.
12:46Now we gracefully leave.
12:48OK.
12:49I think we're out.
12:50No, I'm not disappointed.
12:54I think this is just the process.
12:56I think this is the game that I'm in right now.
12:59But I'm up for the adventure, because I do want to find my person.
13:03You know?
13:07You know, they say what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.
13:10And I'm definitely leaving this experience here.
13:13And we'll just have to find a better version next time.
13:18We live where there's a pickleball court.
13:33Christine's like, let's go play.
13:35She thinks she can beat me.
13:37It's on.
13:41Hey, cheater, behind the line.
13:44You have dessert from here?
13:45Uh-huh.
13:45So pickleball is like this rage.
13:47This rage is easier than tennis.
13:49And it's not bad.
13:50It's OK.
13:50I've really honestly never played it before.
13:52I have tried so many different sports,
13:54and I'm terrible at all of them.
13:56All sports.
13:58You have sunglasses, you cheater?
14:00How is wearing sunglasses cheating, knowing the elements?
14:04That's not cheating.
14:05That's preparing for battle.
14:10Out.
14:12So that was one point for you.
14:13One to me.
14:14You know why you're not good at this game?
14:16Why?
14:17Because you can't cheat.
14:18Oh, my god.
14:19You know what, ass ?
14:20I love to trash talk.
14:24Four.
14:25Four.
14:26Do you have a hole in that pedal?
14:27Check it.
14:28Do you have a hole in your mouth?
14:30It gets in their head.
14:31Then they can't win.
14:32So if I'm cheating that way, hey, that's part of the game.
14:37No, I swear.
14:37David, gone!
14:40I hate sports.
14:42David can aim.
14:46I swear to the left, you're getting it.
14:48Go get it.
14:49You get it.
14:49He can aim where he hits the ball.
14:51And he is hitting it out there on purpose,
14:54because he likes to just get me worn out.
14:55That's his tactic.
14:56Who's the cheater now?
14:58Oh, that was out.
14:59No, that was it.
14:59Damn it to hell.
15:00David, can you go that way?
15:02Can you aim that way?
15:05Hey, I just know how to angle the ball right through that door
15:08opening there to let her go chase him.
15:11Good job, Dave.
15:11Let's do the pump chest.
15:12Ready?
15:13That hurts.
15:13Oh.
15:16David won.
15:17David won.
15:18No one is surprised.
15:19He's never played pickleball, either.
15:21So I thought that it would be less of a big, huge gap
15:25between the winner and the loser.
15:27Good job, babe.
15:28That was awesome.
15:33So Cody reached out to me and wants to have, like,
15:35a conversation.
15:36Like, Olive Branch, Benevolence was in there.
15:40I was completely shocked when Cody reached out.
15:42It came out of absolutely nowhere.
15:46Janelle told me that Cody reached out to her.
15:48I'm like, well, you know, how are you feeling about that?
15:50And she's like, well, I just know.
15:51I don't know why.
15:52You know, I don't know what the agenda is,
15:53but apparently there's, like, an olive branch or something.
15:56And I'm like, I don't know.
15:58But she didn't know.
15:58It just came out of nowhere for her as well.
16:02I feel like I had so much anxiety today.
16:03Just so much anxiety today.
16:06Why?
16:07I don't want to have a, I just feel so hypocritical.
16:09But I don't want to talk to Cody ever again.
16:13I just don't want to.
16:15David, I don't want to, because it was brain damage
16:18for so many years.
16:21When Cody first reached out, I was like, no.
16:23No, I'm not going to go.
16:24That's ridiculous.
16:25I don't trust anything that comes out of his mouth.
16:26Why would I put myself in that situation?
16:28No.
16:31Like, the last conversation that we had together,
16:34last several conversations we've had,
16:36haven't been great.
16:38Man, just the knife in the kidneys over all these years.
16:45Like, every single time, they just turn around
16:47and bite me in the butt.
16:48Why, why, why, why, why?
16:52You got to realize that people do change.
16:54Even though we don't ever think they will, they will.
16:56You got to.
16:57Where's the proof of the last time that I heard him talking
16:59about me, he was mean.
17:02I need to know what the motive is, which is so sad to admit.
17:06But before I agree to have a conversation with Cody, why?
17:08I think the meanest thing that I did was I said, I didn't love you.
17:19That wasn't true.
17:21We used to be lovers.
17:24And we used to really like being around each other.
17:38I wanted to fly out here and meet with you.
17:43Um, basically, I just wanted to come and say, um, that I apologize.
17:50Wow.
17:51All right.
17:52Yeah.
17:52Um, oh, I have a list.
17:56OK.
17:57I'd just love to apologize for, the first thing is,
18:01I want to kind of go backwards.
18:02I want to apologize for just being so angry
18:07and so bitter, uh, over the family breakup.
18:13And just, nobody deserved to have me be that angry.
18:19Wow.
18:19Thanks.
18:20Yeah.
18:21I kept thinking, I don't know who this guy is.
18:23I used to always tell everybody, I'm like,
18:25this is not the guy that I was married to forever.
18:28Like, you know what I mean?
18:29This, uh, so.
18:31Yeah, I, you weren't the only one saying that.
18:35The person I would see speaking all these things publicly,
18:38I'm like, I don't know who that guy is.
18:40I still don't recognize him.
18:41It's like, again, like, as somebody I've seen
18:43that I used to know a long time ago,
18:45lots of pieces that I recognize,
18:46lots of common things that we can remember together.
18:49But I don't, I don't recognize me.
18:50He lives a completely different life, it feels like now.
18:52So do I.
18:54I didn't, I never saw this coming in a million years, right?
18:57Like, like, when the family fell apart, I was really,
18:59I mourned more of the loss of the ideal
19:01of what we were trying to do, right?
19:03I understand that.
19:04Like, I just, we had that ideal.
19:05Like, when we all got together and we were gonna raise the kids,
19:07and thank goodness the kids are all still pretty much
19:10their siblings, really, you know?
19:12And that was one of the biggest things that we did accomplish.
19:14We had this idea, this whole ideal, right,
19:16of how it was gonna be.
19:18Like, I think when I finally left Cody,
19:21I thought about the family so much more than our relationship
19:23for many, many, many years.
19:26I think he and I especially really held that ideal
19:28of the family, like this family unit thing
19:30that would work out.
19:32And I think maybe I lost track of our relationship
19:34and it might have been detrimental, really.
19:36I probably should have been focused a little bit more
19:37on our relationship and not so much the family.
19:40Well, aren't you glad that I was angry?
19:42Well...
19:43Let me tell you why, okay?
19:44It's a compliment to you.
19:46If I'd have been apathetic,
19:49it would have meant you weren't important.
19:51And my anger and my bitterness and my,
19:53I didn't ever love her.
19:55That was all from attachment.
19:58Yeah.
20:00We used to be lovers.
20:02And we used to really like,
20:05I think we liked being around each other.
20:08And I'm in a space now with this apology
20:11where I'm not looking back at my past
20:13and going, I wanna burn that to the ground.
20:16Instead, I'm looking back at my past like,
20:19that was really cool.
20:20We were part of something special.
20:27I think the meanest thing that I did
20:29was I said, I didn't love you.
20:33That wasn't true.
20:35That was a lie from the perspective of pain.
20:39I knew, I knew it.
20:41I knew that you loved me.
20:42I did.
20:43I know that we had a great relationship.
20:48And I didn't understand.
20:50Like, I was like, okay, whatever.
20:51But I knew it.
20:52I knew.
20:55Thanks for making that easy.
20:56Yeah.
20:57I knew.
20:58And it was fine.
20:59Like, I knew.
21:01Because I knew, I knew how it was for all those years.
21:04Do you know what I mean?
21:05But I knew that we, I knew that you loved me.
21:08Yeah.
21:08So.
21:13Yeah, it's just because I've not had any kind of real
21:15emotional connection with him like this for a long time.
21:19I'm like, where is this going?
21:20I don't know.
21:21Do you know what I mean?
21:22And at one point, I thought, wow, you're really
21:26bringing it on heavy.
21:28I'm like, if you're going to ask for some sort of
21:30reconciliation, I kept thinking, I, it wouldn't have
21:33made any sense, but he was just being so intense and so,
21:36like, trying to connect with me emotionally.
21:38And I'm like, I just didn't know why.
21:41Like, I didn't, I just couldn't think of any reason why.
21:43How would you react if one of the ex-wives wanted to return?
21:54Return to the family?
21:55To the family.
22:03I mean, like, what?
22:05Really?
22:09I would be very surprised.
22:11I don't want to even answer this because
22:13because I'm just like, it, it, yeah.
22:21So making me sad right now.
22:23I'm sorry.
22:24No, because you like, just open this little portal of hope.
22:28And I'm just like, I didn't even think of that.
22:30And now I'm just like, what if, and I'm going down that road.
22:33I can't, I can't just, I got to move away from that.
22:36Cause I'll just, I'll fall apart and I can't be on this set.
22:40Okay, I just.
22:43Hope is dangerous sometimes.
22:44Hope is dangerous sometimes.
22:48Hope is dangerous sometimes.
22:52This is the new office and I like it.
22:54Amber and I have something we need to discuss with Jen.
23:03It's going to be very uncomfortable for Jen, but sometimes that's what friends do, is make
23:06friends uncomfortable.
23:07friends uncomfortable.
23:19Hi, how are you doing?
23:20Hi.
23:21I'm great.
23:22Good.
23:23How are you guys?
23:23Better than you.
23:24Chipper.
23:25We're peachy.
23:26Better than you.
23:27Better than you.
23:28Chipper.
23:29We're peachy.
23:30Better than you.
23:31So Jen's husband has been fighting cancer for a couple of years.
23:35But this year it's been definitely more intense because he's gotten into like all the radiation
23:43and all the surgeries and now he's moving into another treatment that's going to help the
23:48recovery of his leg and, you know, so there's a lot that has been going on.
23:54So we wanted to give you an update, though, of what we're going to do for the fundraiser.
23:59We have a plan.
24:01We are so excited about this, Jen.
24:04Thank you, guys.
24:05Amber and I have decided that we are going to do a fundraiser for her.
24:10And that kind of thing makes Jen very uncomfortable.
24:14Accepting help and being in a place where she needs help, she doesn't feel like she needs it.
24:19But, you know, this is what we can do.
24:21You know, we can't do anything about the cancer, but we can help alleviate the financial burden.
24:26So we'll do a bike ride.
24:28We'll just do a loop around town.
24:30Okay.
24:31But we are putting out there that people can rent bikes from your shop.
24:34Okay.
24:35So that's another way they can support you is to come and rent bikes and stuff.
24:40Hopefully that will bring people to your shop.
24:42They can see what you guys offer there, too.
24:44So that'll be good.
24:45And that will do a breakfast out here.
24:48Okay.
24:49On the front lawn.
24:51As we've been planning this event, you know, I've been telling people about it.
24:55I texted all my sisters, told them about it.
24:57I've also mentioned it to Ron, and he's going to be coming down for it.
25:01So.
25:02Hello.
25:04So, how's it going?
25:06Good.
25:07Yeah.
25:08Good so far.
25:09Have you done this before?
25:10Never in my life.
25:11I met Ron months ago at the speed dating event.
25:14So ever since then, he and I have just stayed in touch.
25:17We've hung out.
25:18We've just become friends.
25:20And we're just having fun getting to know each other.
25:24This will actually be the first time that Ron is down here in Parowan to see me and in my space.
25:32And I'm kind of excited about it.
25:33It'll be kind of cool.
25:38You okay with this?
25:39You know, like, you are so loved.
25:43I hate this from you.
25:49Sorry.
25:50Your glasses are in the way.
25:54She's very uncomfortable with it.
25:59She doesn't love this.
26:01You know what?
26:02Maybe the lesson that you're going to take out of this, Jen, is to accept support.
26:06You give it all the time.
26:08Now it's your turn to learn how to accept it.
26:11Okay, so I've been a bastard for about three years about this whole breakup.
26:28Four years, all right?
26:30There's some mistakes I made in plural marriage specifically.
26:34I don't know that she was expecting.
26:36I didn't tell her I was coming to apologize.
26:39What I offered her was an olive branch.
26:41And that was it.
26:42And so, well, an olive branch, well, that's a symbol of peace.
26:45Let's see what he's got.
26:47You know?
26:48When you and I got married, I remember this affection we shared.
26:55And this really made me question plural marriage pretty hard.
27:00I wish I would have seen the need for you and I to protect our special place.
27:09If I would have understood that, I think it would have been a lot safer for you.
27:16I feel like I put you in harm's way and that it didn't step up to protect you.
27:26Wow.
27:28I, yeah.
27:30When Janelle and I got married, I didn't feel like we had a lot of room, space with each other.
27:39We didn't know each other that well when we got married.
27:42We weren't good communicators, but we started out with a tenderness.
27:46And for that, and the fact that I didn't protect, like...
27:56We didn't know.
27:57We didn't have no idea.
27:58God, she's Jill.
27:59There was no book or anyone advising us.
28:02No, there wasn't.
28:03But my mistake in just not being brave enough, man enough, strong enough, because I know you didn't feel safe in that space and you were probably thinking to yourself a lot, I made a huge mistake marrying this guy.
28:18There were some things that happened through the years that I kind of, well, there were things that happened, especially that first year or two, that I kind of wish he would have stood up for me as much as he maybe, by default, sort of took the other position, you know?
28:37Mary and I have very different personalities.
28:40We just clash.
28:41Like, I don't, we would never be friends, right?
28:44I never would.
28:45We just are so very different.
28:46So add that to the fact that there was a lot of jealousy and insecurity and stuff that we were working through and it just was not, it was not good.
28:58I have an experience where I was going off to the mountain to log and you were sobbing and you were saying, do you love me? Do you love me? Do you love me?
29:11I just didn't realize that you weren't feeling safe.
29:14I've thought about that scene in my mind, that scenario where you were there and I have just felt ashamed because you deserved to feel safe in that relationship and I failed that.
29:26So I was pregnant with Logan and he was on the road. He was a route sales guy. And so his time at home was very, like there was a lot of, his time at home was limited. And I think he was trying so hard to like be a family that I think we sort of, again, lost track of who we were as just a couple.
29:45Yeah, I mean, I was obviously the first plural wife. So there's a lot that comes with that. And I think over the years, I just sort of learned to just keep the peace. I lost a lot of my identity like I did.
29:57I think I had to sort of emotionally close down to survive in those early years. And I think we just never got that back. So there's been some healing for me for him to say those things about those early years, which were really, really, really not pretty.
30:12Not pretty.
30:13The, um, well, I think the experience was much harder than you thought it was going to be.
30:23Yeah, I think I went in pretty idealistic.
30:25Yeah, and if I, once again, if I would have protected you, if I would have made you safe in that space, if you would have felt like I had your back.
30:33Yeah, yeah, our relationship, yeah, we might have not have struggled as much as we did in those early years.
30:40Yeah, and I always, and that's an ache in my heart that I have felt four or five years.
30:49We always had a really good relationship as far as like being able to talk to each other. I think we still do care for each other. I mean, like, how can you not? I spent so many years married to him.
31:02I just think there is always a level of connection when you spend that much time married.
31:10If Cody started to be mean or anything like, or aggressive towards me or anything like that, David, oh my God, he'll be, he'd become unglued.
31:19He wants to have a relationship. I just don't think he knows quite how to.
31:23If you don't start having a relationship with your kids now, down the road when you need them, they're not going to be there.
31:28Do you think Cody wants to meet up to talk crap on you?
31:40No, he said that he wants to extend an olive branch. I just don't trust that. I just don't trust him.
31:49No, I haven't told Cody whether or not I'm going to meet up with him at all. I'm not 100% going yet.
31:54So why, why, why would I do that? I'm not going to trust anything that comes out of his mouth.
31:59So he's just going to be mean. He's just mean. It's years of him being mean and putting me down and making me feel less than.
32:06I'm nauseous. I'm already nauseous thinking about it. My stomach's already upset thinking about it.
32:10But you have done so much in your life in the last, what, three years?
32:14Uh-huh. Yes.
32:15Look where you're at now. Yes.
32:17You're a very independent woman. Yes.
32:19I've seen it in you. And watch what you can do. And things will be better because it's you and I there.
32:24Okay.
32:25And it will be fine. I promise you.
32:29David's always been pushing for more communication. And he's like, what do you want more than anything?
32:36And I'm like, oh, for my kids to have a better relationship with their dad. And he goes, okay, then you have to show them how to have a good relationship with him.
32:45So he's right with this too. It just sucks.
32:49You didn't marry him because he was a terrible guy.
32:52No, he was great. He was a great guy.
32:54But times change and things change. People change. And people start going separate ways.
32:58Yeah.
32:59Everybody wants to keep living in the past. No.
33:01And the past will never make you go to the future.
33:04So I need to think about it. This isn't an olive branch. This is a peace talk.
33:07That's a peace talk.
33:08This is not an olive branch from him.
33:10Let's just have to be a peace talk. Let's just move on.
33:12It doesn't matter. Things were said.
33:14Yeah.
33:15They're just going to move on. And what can we do to make this better for our kids?
33:18And for us to be in the same room too, because if we're going to all do family reunions like I wanted and get together like I wanted, this needs to happen.
33:25But I'm not going to be in that mosh pit, okay? Cody could be in that mosh pit.
33:28You don't want to be in the dancing mosh pit?
33:30No. I'll just tackle people.
33:32Okay. Okay. That sounds good.
33:37I've decided to leave. I'm going to leave Cody.
33:42When I first was leaving Cody, I remember like there were a couple of conversations where I'd be like, look, I'm sure that we could all get together at some point, you know, and have a family reunion, you know, once a year or something like that.
33:53Everyone kind of looked at me like I was a fool. But getting the kids together would be an awesome thing. I don't need to see the adults. But the kids need to get together for sure.
34:02If you want to have a reunion, a family, and I'm all for it. I have zero. I'm not jealous. I'm not insecure about them all having to get together.
34:13Because my main focus on is the kids having a good relationship with everybody. If you don't start having a relationship with your kids now, down the road when you need them, they're not going to be there.
34:25I tell you, don't let people walk all over you.
34:27No, I won't.
34:28So there you go.
34:29I won't.
34:32No, it's not going to be like it was before. I mean, I wouldn't allow it. I wouldn't put up with it. And David, oh my God, he'd become unglued.
34:38If Cody started to be mean or aggressive towards me or anything like that, no, no, God, David, no, he wouldn't allow that. But I wouldn't either.
34:46He wants to have a relationship. I just don't think he knows quite how to.
34:51No, I don't need to talk about anything with Cody. I would love to see him have a better relationship with his kids.
34:56If he's extending an olive branch here, we'll really then have a better relationship with my kids. You know, put them first.
35:04I love you.
35:05Love you, too.
35:17Did you ever feel like our breakup was just inevitable?
35:23By the time it happened, I didn't see that we were ever going to turn around.
35:25OK.
35:27But, you know, I mean, I was really ready to move on.
35:31So Cody and I, as any relationship does, has had like ups and downs. And some of our lows were pretty low. And we always managed to come back.
35:39You stay and talk.
35:40I'm done listening to you.
35:41You stay and talk.
35:42Uh, no, I'm not going to because you're not listening.
35:45You're not listening to me.
35:46You're not listening to me.
35:47And I'm not going to.
35:48OK, so we're done.
35:49Goodbye.
35:50you.
35:52The last time, I didn't want to reconcile. I didn't have any desire. The kids were definitely older. I didn't need the family's financial support as much. Like, it just, it just, there wasn't a lot of reasons to work through it.
36:06I feel like we've needed an olive branch, the entire family. And Janelle, you get the high owner, and being the person I felt the safest with, to start offering that olive branch.
36:17Oh, we did, we had a good, we had a, we had a great, like, like, I, I, I'm grateful for what we had.
36:23Yeah.
36:24I really am.
36:27Yeah.
36:28Thank you for being cool about this.
36:29I'm glad you came.
36:30Make it easy.
36:33Like, it was a great relationship. I still care about him. And I think he still cares about me, but I don't, he's not in my life, and I'm not going to be in his life. And there's nothing there now. I wish he had a better relationship with the children, because then, you know, then there would be a little bit more cohesion for the family. But I don't know. That's not, that's a long ways away, I suspect.
36:53I was thinking, though, um, Garrison can qualify, I think, for a military headstone. And I think he would love that, because the military was a big part of his, like, what he loved, right?
37:05Okay. Yeah, he'd like him. So it's a matter of filing paperwork?
37:08Yeah, and I've got half of it done. I mean, I guess if you wanted to come up and meet me there, we can do that.
37:12So would it just be you and I going there to place the headstone?
37:16I'm okay. It doesn't have to be a big deal.
37:17Yeah, let's do it. We'll both go up there.
37:20Okay, I mean, that's fine. Like, we can just meet there or something, you know what I mean?
37:23Yeah.
37:24All right.
37:25Um, you know, I didn't know what to expect coming. I'm grateful for the experience, and I'm grateful he came. It's been healing to hear some of those things.
37:35Well, that's a great idea. Thanks for meeting with me. I really appreciate it.
37:38Yeah.
37:39I think it went very well. Janelle was very gracious. She was very kind. I felt like she made it easy to do this apology. Like, this is a pilgrimage, and I have planned it for so long, and I've needed this for four years.
37:58Boy, there's a lot of pressure. It's windy. The door wasn't easy to open. So...
38:05All right. Anyway, thank you.
38:07Thanks for meeting with me. I really appreciate it. We'll see you.
38:09All right. See you later. All right.
38:11Yeah, I've got two more wives to visit with. I get a little bit nervous thinking that it could go really, really wrong.
38:24This is my journey. This is something I am required to do. My hope is for them to receive it well. And if they don't, then we'll go back to God and say, what next? Do I do it again? I don't know.
38:47Next time on Sister Wives. Is there any part of you?
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