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00:00It's an extraordinary feeling, to think of something
00:05over the top of your head that makes people laugh.
00:08It's a gift.
00:16Perfect version of a modern man. Attractive. Very funny, which I think is very important.
00:24P.S. My mum, brackets Jackie, loves you.
00:31And the winner is...
00:34Lenny Brain from Glass Houses.
01:00I don't know.
01:03I don't know.
01:06I'm not sure who owns this, but I'll be honest.
01:09I'm just gonna move your arms forward because I'm not sure what it is.
01:13The money for his wife goes out into and wants to dance.
01:16The money for his wife is in the future, it's been a very easy.
01:19We'll be right back and have him.
01:22And the money for his wife looks out.
01:24Faggy, Faggy, please. I don't want to go to bed on an argument, especially not about
01:38something so stupid as this.
01:41Do we just...
01:43What? Sleep?
01:44Yes.
01:45How are we supposed to go to sleep? Well this will probably be all over sodding papers
01:48tomorrow.
01:49You can sleep fine because you know it's all lies. Nothing happened. Nothing happened.
01:55Neighbours don't know that, do they?
01:57I've never even met this woman.
01:59I know that. Nobody else does.
02:06Are we going to do this every time there's a bogus allegation?
02:10You girl. Bloody ridiculous.
02:20And the cleaner doesn't know it's a lie.
02:22Oh, if we're worried about what the cleaner thinks of us, maybe we shouldn't employ her
02:25to clean the house.
02:26What I'm saying is it's humiliating.
02:28I don't even know who this woman is. She could be made up for all I know.
02:32I can still hate it. I can still hate how attritional it is.
02:37This is like being accused of having an affair with a tooth fairy.
02:41It can still make me feel rubbish.
02:52Look, she's crazy just like the rest of them.
02:57It's just endless crap, years of bullshit.
03:01Every single one of them disappears the moment they get a stern letter just pointing out
03:05there's no basis for any of it. There's no evidence.
03:09Nothing. Nothing happened.
03:12It's all made up.
03:14But the papers don't go with it because I'm me.
03:21Look, these sheets, they're Egyptian cotton.
03:23They've barely seen our bum cheeks because we've been in the Maldives.
03:26That's the life we have.
03:28And the price we pay for it is these liars and maniacs.
03:33But why am I telling you this? You know this.
03:37You're a psychotherapist for God's sake.
03:39I'm sorry.
03:53Just let them write it.
03:56Let them write whatever they want.
03:59TV funny man shags burrito or whatever.
04:02There's never been anyone else.
04:11I tell you every day.
04:15I love you.
04:20Past the edges of time.
04:27What was that?
04:28Should we press the buzzer? It's in the kitchen.
04:41Well, you might need something.
04:43It could be dangerous.
04:44You might need help.
04:45Then we should call the police.
04:46Oh, is he around the doorbell?
04:48Yes.
04:55Oh my God.
04:56Oh shit.
04:59Quick.
05:00Yeah.
05:01Come here.
05:02Come here.
05:03Oh, Jesus.
05:27Please.
05:28They attacked me.
05:29Who attacked you?
05:29They took my bike and my phone.
05:33Who?
05:34I don't know.
05:38My phone's upstairs.
05:40I'll call you an ambulance.
05:41No, please.
05:43What do you need?
05:47You're the only one that answered.
05:55Do you want to come in?
05:56Can you stand?
05:59What do you want to do?
06:00Oh, God.
06:01Oh, God.
06:02Oh, God.
06:03Okay.
06:04Come on.
06:05Let's just...
06:06Oh, yeah.
06:07Okay.
06:08Let's get you sorted out.
06:09Okay.
06:10Oh.
06:11Oh, God.
06:12Oh, God.
06:13Oh, God.
06:14Oh, God.
06:23You can just...
06:24Here, sit here.
06:25Sit here.
06:26Yeah.
06:27Here, sit here.
06:28Sorry.
06:29No, don't be ridiculous.
06:33I know it's late.
06:35I'm...
06:36Did you hit your head?
06:39Are you bleeding?
06:40I really think we ought to call you an ambulance, you know?
06:42It's okay.
06:43It's okay.
06:44You collapsed.
06:45I think it was just a shock, I don't know.
06:47You might be concussed.
06:49It's just my shoulder.
06:50You sure about that?
06:52I just need some water.
06:55Right.
06:56Of course.
06:57Yeah.
06:58It was what?
06:59Was it randoms or...?
07:01Uh, I was...
07:03I was delivering pizza.
07:05I was going to number 20.
07:07I got the money and they...
07:08They just come out of nowhere.
07:10We should definitely call the police.
07:12I wouldn't have thought they'd be able to do anything.
07:14You've been robbed?
07:15It'll be long gone.
07:16Well, probably, but...
07:17When my flat got broken into, the police, they didn't even turn up.
07:20Oh, yeah.
07:21But they're a bit quicker around here, mate.
07:25No.
07:27No, please.
07:28Uh...
07:30I'll...
07:31I'll go to the station.
07:33I just need to get my shit together.
07:35No problem.
07:36No, please.
07:40I don't know my licence.
07:43Ah.
07:44It's only part-time to help me pay my way through uni.
07:49I can't afford to lose this job.
07:54Well, you should definitely report it.
07:57I will, I promise.
07:58And learn to drive.
08:00Yeah.
08:02They can't be allowed to get away with it.
08:04It's fucking feral.
08:06What were they, kids?
08:07Seventeen.
08:08Eighteen, maybe.
08:09But they were big.
08:11Hopped up on Minecraft and balloons.
08:13I know we're fast.
08:14Don't need you to get that round here.
08:15There's trouble round here.
08:16It's all planning consent for basement pools.
08:19People are going to fold a basement pool.
08:21They don't usually kick your head in.
08:23Could have done with that.
08:24I'm stealing my shoes.
08:25Yeah, why would they do that?
08:27Don't know.
08:28They're old as well.
08:30All the levers coming off.
08:32Maybe they're mending them.
08:33Maybe they're feral cobblers.
08:34There you go.
08:38Can I get you a shirt or...?
08:40Mm.
08:42Yeah.
08:43Yeah, please.
08:44If you don't mind.
08:46Yeah, I could stretch to a shirt.
08:47I've got some old trainers here somewhere.
08:48If I can find them.
08:49I don't know where anything is.
08:50They're clean and move things around like a mouse.
08:53They're without the incontinence.
08:54Ha, ha, ha.
08:55Ha, ha, ha.
09:24Oh!
09:54Oh!
09:54Oh.
09:55Oh, my God, I'm sorry.
09:57Are you OK?
10:00Hi.
10:01Found one.
10:03Jumped by some kids out delivering pizza.
10:05God, who was it?
10:07Teenage mutant ninja wankers.
10:11Jesus, are you hurt?
10:14It's OK.
10:15What do you need?
10:16I'm fine, honestly.
10:18You don't look great.
10:19Take aim for your money.
10:20She's just coming for your self-esteem.
10:22I didn't mean that.
10:23I mean, we should call an ambulance.
10:24It's just my shoulder.
10:26You collapsed.
10:29Just shot.
10:30I'm feeling...
10:31OK, did you call the police?
10:33No.
10:33I can do that for you.
10:38Wait.
10:39He's going to go to the station when he's got his breath back.
10:45Right.
10:51Did he give you food?
10:52Would you like a sandwich?
10:53How quickly do you think I can make a sandwich?
10:55Oh, we're cream.
10:56In a sandwich?
10:57Antiseptic for the...
10:58for the cuts.
10:59Please.
11:00You don't have to do anything.
11:01Nonsense.
11:02Let me make you a sandwich.
11:04OK.
11:05If it's not too much trouble.
11:06What do we have?
11:07You like kimchi?
11:09He's a victim of violence.
11:10He's not a mystery diner.
11:11Just ignore his bad jokes.
11:18I do.
11:19Daily.
11:22Don't slice that too thick.
11:23You'll ruin a sandwich.
11:31For a minute, we thought you were a crazy fan or something.
11:35Like New York?
11:37Yeah.
11:38He was intense.
11:39He showed up at like one in the morning.
11:42Not like three.
11:43He didn't leave.
11:44Made me sign his arse.
11:45Oh, my God.
11:55You're Lenny Bray.
11:57Oh, I'm sorry.
12:01That's all right.
12:01I'll see.
12:03I didn't realise that you were...
12:05you.
12:06Oh, well...
12:07My head's...
12:07My head's all...
12:08In your defence, I wasn't this fat 25 years ago.
12:13Um, I like your show.
12:16I mean, I've only seen a few episodes.
12:18You're forgiven on the grounds that you were a child when I made them.
12:22That's true.
12:23I like to be reminded of my own mortality.
12:26I mean, you're probably tired of hearing this all the time,
12:29but they were really funny.
12:31You're joking.
12:32If he doesn't hear it three times a day, he gets IBS.
12:36I like the American version, too.
12:38Oh, I know.
12:39Because it was funnier.
12:40Yeah.
12:40Yeah, well, pay for this house.
12:43And your bee venom facials.
12:56Why don't you show him the wall?
12:58Oh, no.
12:58People like it.
12:59It has all his, um, memorabilia and silly trophies.
13:04Come on.
13:06He's had a dreadful evening.
13:08I would be cool.
13:10I'd like to be reminded of how fantastic I was.
13:14Oh, okay.
13:15Just quickly, though.
13:16Oh, wow.
13:39Nice to have.
13:49These are the people you made that show with?
13:52Finally, yeah.
13:53Last day, I think.
13:56That's amazing.
13:57Good memories.
13:59People really love that show, huh?
14:01I've been lucky.
14:02Lenny, is it true that you wrote that first one by hand?
14:14What?
14:15The script for the first episode.
14:18Yeah.
14:19Your sandwich will be...
14:24Can I get an autograph?
14:26Is that still the thing?
14:28It's like getting smallpox, innit?
14:29Well, I don't have a phone.
14:31People won't believe that I met you otherwise.
14:34Okay.
14:34Okay.
14:35Can you write me a message?
14:42Sure, yeah.
14:44Who to?
14:45Ben.
14:48So, sorry you got beaten up on my road, Ben.
14:51They probably lack strong father figures.
14:53Or, like, I can never forget a day like this.
15:02Or, you know, something.
15:03We could do a photo on Maggie's phone.
15:25And then send it on.
15:26And then you can get going.
15:33I found the good cheese.
15:49The cheddar had a full head of hair on it.
15:50Great.
15:51Maybe you can put that in a Tupperware.
15:59He, uh, Ben would like his quick photograph.
16:03And we could send that on.
16:05Right.
16:14Ready?
16:18Oh, that's lovely.
16:20Okay.
16:20Can we get one more for safety?
16:21No, I think we've got it.
16:23I blinked.
16:28Sure.
16:31One, two, three.
16:34Yes.
16:36Perfect.
16:36Can I see it?
16:38Um, sure.
16:39And, um, you can also just put your email in there.
16:42Yeah.
16:43And I'll get you those trainers now, yeah?
16:46So, what are you, a nine or a ten or...?
16:48What if they come back?
16:50Who, the, um...
16:51The people that attacked me.
16:52Well, then we should call the police.
16:53They can't help.
16:54Well, they might.
16:55They can't.
16:55Then we should, um, call the delivery people and see if they can send somebody.
17:01It's an Indian restaurant that would be closed.
17:03Why not?
17:07Not pizza?
17:08Hey.
17:21Listen, I'm just gonna grab some trainers now, and then we can be done.
17:27Okay?
17:27Hey.
17:28And it's been really great to meet you, and I'd love to talk some more, but it is late
17:33now, and, you know, I need my funny sleep.
17:37Oh.
17:37Okay.
17:38All right.
17:39Listen, I'm really honoured that you love this show.
17:41Okay?
17:42I really...
17:42I mean that.
17:43I really mean that.
17:44It means a lot.
17:46But when people are on TV, you know, sometimes it's easy to forget that they're behind it all.
17:53You know, they're just ordinary, and they can get scared.
17:58Yeah?
17:59And I don't want anyone to be scared.
18:02Now...
18:02No!
18:03Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
18:04Okay.
18:04Okay.
18:05Okay.
18:05We can...
18:05We can do some more photos, yeah?
18:07You can take some stuff.
18:30Oh, don't you hurt him?
18:32It's too hard to please!
18:34It's too hard to please!
18:37Your phone.
18:38What?
18:39Where?
18:41In the bedroom.
18:43You don't need to do this.
18:46Please.
18:47I choose what happens.
18:48Okay.
18:48Okay.
18:51Please.
18:52Please.
18:53I choose what happens!
18:55Okay.
18:56I choose what happens now.
18:58Okay.
18:59Okay.
18:59Okay.
19:00Okay.
19:01Okay.
19:06Okay.
19:07Okay.
19:29Okay.
19:29You
19:59Get down
20:04Hey Ben, Ben
20:12I know it might not feel like it
20:15But it can still go well
20:17And maybe you don't believe me
20:20But you should
20:20You should
20:22I'm sorry
20:24No, you're not
20:25Why would I not be sorry?
20:27Because I just tied you up
20:28Ben, Ben
20:29Please talk to me
20:31Why did you come here?
20:42Hey, hey
20:43I'm listening
20:44Okay
20:44No one ever listens to me
20:53Who doesn't listen to you?
20:58Ben, please talk to me
20:59No
20:59Hey, hey, I'm just
21:03I'm just asking a question, okay?
21:05You don't get to ask me questions
21:06Right, okay, okay
21:07But let's not rush things here, right?
21:11All my life
21:13All my life
21:13I've never listened to me
21:16I'm listening to you
21:16I'm listening to you right now
21:18When I was four
21:25When I was four
21:25I got my first new family
21:27When I cried
21:30Because
21:31I was scared
21:33Because I wanted my mum
21:34Do you know what they did?
21:38They put me
21:39In the furthest room
21:41In the furthest room
21:41I'm on with the heavy door
21:43You couldn't hear me from there
21:48That sounds like an awful experience
21:50And not one of them
21:52Cared about a single thing
21:55That ever came out of my mouth
21:56And is that why you're here?
21:59Revenge
21:59You want revenge on the world somehow?
22:03Because if that is
22:03Then I totally understand
22:04The world hasn't been that nice to you
22:06But do you think this is going to help?
22:08Hurting us
22:09Is that who you think I am?
22:13I think we can all be pushed to revenge
22:17If somebody hurts us
22:18But
22:18The question is
22:20Can we stop ourselves?
22:22Shall we stop ourselves?
22:30Where's the script?
22:31What?
22:32The script
22:32The first one
22:33The first one that you wrote
22:35Is that
22:36Is that what this is about?
22:39Is that what you want?
22:41What do you want?
22:42You want a memento
22:43Like a fucking souvenir
22:44Lenny
22:45You break my house
22:46You bust my ribs
22:47You scare my wife
22:49Lenny
22:49For that
22:49What?
22:50So you could show me off
22:52So it'd be like a fan
22:53Lenny
22:53Where is the fucking script?
22:55I'm listening to you
22:57I'm listening to you right now
22:58No, it's in the safe
23:00It's in the safe
23:01In the office
23:02It's
23:04It's
23:05Two
23:05Two
23:07Two
23:07Three
23:07Two
23:08Three
23:08Oh
23:08Four
23:12Just take it
23:13Take it
23:14Take whatever you want
23:15And go
23:16Oh
23:18Oh
23:19Oh
23:19Oh
23:21Oh
23:21Oh
23:22Oh
23:23Oh
23:24Oh
23:25Oh
23:26Oh
23:27Oh
23:28Oh
23:29Oh
23:30Oh
23:31Oh
23:32Oh
23:33Oh
23:34Oh
23:35Oh
23:36Oh
23:36Oh
23:37Oh
23:37Oh
23:38Oh
23:39Oh
23:40You're staying here
23:41Maggie
23:42What?
23:42I'm gonna go press the button
23:43What?
23:44Maggie
23:44Maggie what if he comes back for me?
23:49I'm gonna get us some help
24:07Paige
24:13I'm gonna do that
24:15I'm gonna get you
24:16I'm gonna get you
24:19I'm gonna do that
24:21And look what it is
24:24I know
24:25Jay
24:31I still believe
24:32G styling
24:33There's a great
24:34So
24:36They stick
24:37Oh, my God.
25:07Oh, my God.
25:37Oh, my God.
26:07Oh, my God.
26:37Oh, my God.
27:07Oh, my God.
27:37Oh, my God.
28:07Oh, my God.
28:37Oh, my God.
28:45You should go now.
28:46I've just pressed the alarm and the police are coming.
28:49They are on their way right now.
28:51No one's coming.
29:05No one's coming.
29:07No one's coming.
29:08It's okay.
29:21It's okay.
29:21No one's coming.
29:28I don't know.
29:58I'm sorry.
30:20Look, you've got what you want.
30:21Just leave us alone, please.
30:25I'm used to people wanting me to go away.
30:27Oh, I can't think why.
30:28By the time I was 18, I'd had so many names.
30:33I didn't know who I was anymore.
30:38Must have knocked on a hundred doors asking to see my case files, trying to find out.
30:43They said they lost them.
30:46And they were burnt in a fire.
30:48I'm sorry that happened to you.
30:55The system contorts to protect itself.
30:58I said get out.
31:06Must have worked with a lot of people on that show.
31:08Yeah.
31:08Yeah.
31:11Hundreds.
31:14Cast.
31:16Crew.
31:17Takes a lot of hands on deck to make something like that.
31:20Well, because it's something you made up.
31:23That's a big responsibility.
31:26Nature of the beast.
31:28Nature of the beast.
31:30Tell me you're not one of those internet tossbots who don't like the ending.
31:40You want me to rewrite it?
31:42Like fucking misery.
31:43Is that what this is about?
31:44They're not commodities, are they?
31:50What?
31:50These people.
31:52You might get up, move on to the next thing, walk away.
31:54But if you use them, they'd get hurt.
31:59I don't know what this is about.
32:00You want me to confess to, what, being a prick?
32:04Being a showbiz prick?
32:06Someone who was nasty to your favourite characters?
32:10You want to cancel me?
32:13Okay, right.
32:14You're right.
32:15Throw a canapé into a room full of people I work with,
32:19you're probably going to hit someone I was a wanker to.
32:21You know, actors, directors, producers.
32:25Everything you've heard is probably true.
32:30Is that what you want to hear?
32:32The rich man regrets things.
32:36Well, if it makes you happy, then yeah, why not?
32:39I regret it.
32:40But I was just trying to make something good, you know?
32:42And maybe you're here because I did.
32:44I got my case files in the end.
32:59A lot of the pages were black.
33:03There was so much stuff redacted.
33:05But they get a picture of my mum.
33:08Only one I've got.
33:08And there was this.
33:17When she wrote this, I could barely write my own name.
33:20Do you remember her?
33:24I don't know what you're talking about.
33:27Production assistant.
33:29First series.
33:31Make coffee, probably fetch lunch.
33:33You said yourself.
33:34I work with a lot of people.
33:35I think you remember my mother.
33:39Well, untie me and we can go through my contacts.
33:44How about that?
33:48Her name was Nell.
33:51You don't remember her?
34:03Who was that?
34:04Apparently someone who handed me an almond croissant a quarter of a century ago.
34:09She knew you.
34:10A lot of people know me.
34:12Yeah, but she wrote about you.
34:13A lot of people write about me.
34:15One minute he says he loves me.
34:23And the next, he's so terrible, I feel like he'd rather I was dead.
34:27Is this a joke?
34:28I don't even know her.
34:29And I know all the reasons why I should live.
34:32But I can't do it anymore.
34:35Leonard.
34:36I swear, I remember her taking me to your set.
34:40I definitely remember being excited.
34:43Being happy.
34:46How long did it take you to ruin all that?
34:52Because she wrote this letter a year after you made that show.
34:58No, no.
34:59That's impossible.
35:00We were together then, Leonard.
35:01What is this?
35:02It's just another liar wanting something he's not going to get.
35:05Go on.
35:06Take the script.
35:07You can take whatever you want and get out.
35:12She says you told her to do it.
35:14She says she told her maybe she should end it.
35:18If being with you was making her so sad.
35:22Come on.
35:25Is that what you did?
35:26No.
35:28Did you tell her to do it?
35:30Look, I'm sorry to ruin your sad story.
35:33I don't even remember meeting your mother.
35:34Never mind falling in love with her.
35:48I sometimes wonder if...
35:49I was in the room as she wrote this.
35:52I'm sorry for what happened to you.
36:08I know it's tough.
36:11I sometimes wonder if she meant for me to read this one, Mary.
36:17But you have to understand that a lot of people say things about Lenny that just aren't true.
36:22And these lies we just have to deal with, even if it's hard.
36:27Maybe that's why she wrote it on the back of this.
36:32Hey, Nelly.
36:34Sorry I had to leave so early.
36:37I just wanted to let you know I could never forget a day like this.
36:42Did you write that?
36:48Of course I didn't.
36:49Then why is it in your handwriting?
36:54Is this truly how pathetic and greedy you actually are?
36:56You think you could make me pay you to go away with this horse shit?
37:01I just said that you loved her if the opposite was true.
37:04Leonard.
37:05I never said anything of the salt.
37:12I love you, past the edges of time.
37:35Did you tell her to do it?
37:40Tell her to me!
37:42Did you tell her to do it?
37:49I'll tell you what's not in your case, Fyall.
37:52Your mother was a fruitcake.
37:55Yeah.
37:57I just told her to shit or get off the pot if she's so unhappy.
38:02And you know what?
38:04I did her a favor.
38:05Shut up!
38:06I know I did because I was there when it happened.
38:10I'm only a fucking brain!
38:26So yes, I do remember your pathetic little mother.
38:38I remember the look in her eyes.
38:43Almost...
38:45It almost looked like a smile.
38:46You choose what happens.
39:04You choose what happens.
39:07You choose.
39:08You choose.
39:08You choose.
39:09You choose what happens.
39:16It's okay.
39:30It's gonna be okay.
39:31Maggie.
39:32Maggie!
39:34Yeah.
39:36Yeah.
39:37Yeah.
39:37Cut them.
39:38Cut them.
39:39Maggie.
39:41Yeah.
39:42Yeah.
39:42Cut the ties.
39:45Maggie, what are you doing?
39:47What are you doing?
39:47I'm telling the police what happened, what I found when I came out of the shower.
40:14You attacking this young man because he came here to find out the truth about his mother.
40:29And I stopped it.
40:34Shh.
40:42Maggie.
40:42Maggie, don't...
40:54You know what this will do to me.
41:11Shh.
41:12Shh.
41:23Thank you for calling 999.
41:24What's your emergency?
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