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00:01Ladies and gentlemen, please give a warm welcome to Lenny Ray!
00:12It's an extraordinary feeling to think of something
00:17over the top of your head that makes people laugh.
00:21It's a gift.
00:23Perfect version of a modern man. Attractive. Very funny, which I think is very important.
00:37P.S. My mum, Brackets Jackie, loves you.
00:46And the winner is...
00:48Lenny Brain with Glass Houses.
00:53I don't want to hold anyéš¾.
00:54Come on!
00:55We love you!
00:56Come on!
00:57Let's go!
01:00The End
01:05The End
01:07The End
01:09The End
01:14The End
01:17The End
01:21Paggy! Paggy!
01:50Please, I don't want to go to bed on an argument, especially not about something so stupid as this.
01:59Can we just...
02:00What, sleep?
02:01Yes.
02:02How am I supposed to go to sleep? Well, this will probably be all over sodding papers tomorrow.
02:06You can sleep fine because you know it's all lies. Nothing happened. Nothing happened.
02:13Neighbours don't know that, do they?
02:15I've never even met this woman.
02:17I know that. Nobody else does.
02:20Are we going to do this every time there's a bogus allegation?
02:37Girl. Bloody ridiculous.
02:39Man, the cleaner doesn't know it's a lie.
02:41Oh, if we're worried about what the cleaner thinks of us, maybe we shouldn't employ her to clean the house.
02:45What I'm saying is it's humiliating.
02:48I don't even know who this woman is.
02:50She could be made up, for all I know.
02:52I can still hate it.
02:53I can still hate how attritional it is.
02:55This is like being accused of having an affair with a tooth fairy.
03:02It can still make me feel rubbish.
03:03Look, she's crazy, just like the rest of them.
03:18It's just endless crap, years of bullshit.
03:22Every single one of them disappears.
03:25The moment they get a stern letter just pointing out, there's no basis for any of it.
03:29There's no evidence.
03:31Nothing.
03:32Nothing happened.
03:34It's all made up.
03:36But the papers still go with it, because I'm me.
03:43Look, these sheets, yeah?
03:45They're Egyptian cotton, and they've barely seen our bum cheeks, because we've been in the Maldives.
03:49That's the life we have.
03:51And the price we pay for it is these liars and maniacs.
03:56But why am I telling you this?
03:57You know this.
04:00You're a psychotherapist, for God's sake.
04:02I'm sorry.
04:16Just let them write it.
04:20Let them write whatever they want.
04:23TV funny man shags burrito, whatever.
04:26There's never been anyone else.
04:35I tell you every day, I love you.
04:45Past the edges of time.
04:52What was that?
04:56Should we press the buzzer?
05:05It's in the kitchen.
05:08Well, you might need something.
05:09It could be dangerous.
05:11You might need help.
05:12Then we should call the police.
05:13Oh, is he around the doorbell?
05:15Yes.
05:21Oh, my God.
05:23Shit.
05:24Quick.
05:27Yeah, yeah.
05:27Okay.
05:28Oh, Jesus, please.
05:56They attacked me.
05:57Who attacked you?
05:59They took my bike and my phone.
06:03Who?
06:04I don't know.
06:08My phone's upstairs.
06:09I'll call you an ambulance.
06:10No, please.
06:13What do you need?
06:17You're the only one that answered.
06:25Do you want to come in?
06:26Can you stand?
06:32Okay.
06:34Come on.
06:37Let's just...
06:38Let's get you sorted out.
06:41You can just...
06:57Sit here.
06:57Sit here.
06:58Yeah.
06:59Yeah.
07:00Sit here.
07:01I'm sorry.
07:06No, don't be ridiculous.
07:08I know it's late.
07:10I'm...
07:10Did you hit your head?
07:12Are you bleeding?
07:13I don't think we ought to call you an ambulance, you know?
07:17It's okay.
07:18You collapsed.
07:19I think it was just a shock.
07:21I don't know.
07:21You might be concussed.
07:23It's just my shoulder.
07:25You sure about that?
07:27I just need some water.
07:30Right.
07:31Of course.
07:31Yeah.
07:33It was what?
07:34Was it randoms or...?
07:36I was delivering pizza.
07:40I was going to number 20.
07:42I got the money and they...
07:44They just come out of nowhere.
07:45We should definitely call the police.
07:47I don't thought they'd be able to do anything.
07:49You've been robbed.
07:50They'll be long gone.
07:51Well, probably, but...
07:53When my flat got broken into, the police, they didn't even turn up.
07:56I'll get up, but they're a bit quicker around here, mate.
08:00No.
08:03No, please.
08:07I'll...
08:07I'll go to the station.
08:09I just need to get my shit together.
08:11No problem.
08:12No, please.
08:17I don't know my license.
08:19Huh.
08:20It's only part-time to help me pay my way through uni.
08:25I can't afford to lose this job.
08:31Well, you should definitely report it.
08:34I will.
08:35I promise.
08:36And learn to drive.
08:37Yeah.
08:39They can't be allowed to get away with it.
08:41It's fucking feral.
08:43What were they, kids?
08:4517?
08:4618, maybe.
08:47But they were big.
08:48Hopped up on Minecraft and balloons.
08:51And they were fast.
08:53Don't you should get that round here?
08:54There's trouble round here.
08:55It's all planning consent for basement pools.
08:58People are going to afford a basement pool.
08:59They don't usually kick your head in.
09:02I could have done without them stealing my shoes.
09:04Yeah, why would they do that?
09:06I don't know.
09:06They're old as well.
09:08All the leather's coming off.
09:10Maybe they're mending them.
09:12Maybe they're feral cobblers.
09:13There you go.
09:14Can I get you a shirt, or...?
09:19Mm-mm.
09:21Yeah.
09:22Yeah, please.
09:23If you don't mind.
09:25Yeah, I could stretch to a shirt.
09:27I've got some old trainers here somewhere.
09:28If I can find them.
09:29I don't know where anything is.
09:30They're clean and move things around like a mouse.
09:33They're without the incontinence.
09:34That's fine.
09:50I don't know.
10:20Oh, oh, oh my God, I'm sorry.
10:40Are you okay?
10:42Hi.
10:43Found one.
10:45Jumped by some kids out delivering pizza.
10:48God, who was it?
10:50Teenage mutant ninja wankers.
10:54Jesus, are you hurt?
10:57It's okay.
10:59What do you need?
11:00I'm fine, honestly.
11:01You don't look great.
11:03Take aim for your money.
11:04She's just coming for your self-esteem.
11:06I didn't mean that.
11:06I mean, we should call an ambulance.
11:08It's just my shoulder.
11:10You collapsed.
11:13Just shot.
11:14I'm feeling...
11:15Okay, did you call the police?
11:17No.
11:18I can do that for you.
11:22Wait.
11:23He's going to go to the station when he's got his breath back.
11:30Right.
11:30Did he give you food?
11:37Would you like a sandwich?
11:38How quickly do you think I can make a sandwich?
11:40Oh, wait, cream.
11:41In a sandwich?
11:42Antiseptic for the...
11:43for the cuts.
11:44Please.
11:45You don't have to do anything.
11:47Nonsense.
11:47Let me make you a sandwich.
11:49Okay, if it's not too much trouble.
11:52Um, what do we have?
11:53You like kimchi?
11:55He's a victim of violence.
11:56He's not a mystery diner.
12:02Just ignore his bad jokes.
12:04I do.
12:05Daily.
12:09Don't slice that too fit.
12:10You'll ruin a sandwich.
12:11For a minute, we thought you were a crazy fan or something.
12:23Like New York?
12:25Yeah.
12:25He was intense.
12:27Showed up at, like, one in the morning.
12:29Not like three.
12:30He didn't leave.
12:32Made me sign his arse.
12:41Oh, my God.
12:43You're Lenny Bray.
12:48Oh, I'm sorry.
12:49No, no, no.
12:49It's all right.
12:50I'll see.
12:52I didn't realise that you were...
12:54you.
12:55Oh, well...
12:55My head's...
12:56My head's all...
12:58In your defence,
13:01I wasn't this fat 25 years ago.
13:03Um, I like your show.
13:05I mean, I've only seen a few episodes.
13:08You're forgiven on the grounds
13:09that you were a child when I made them.
13:11That's true.
13:12I'd like to be reminded of my own mortality.
13:16I mean, you're probably tired of hearing this all the time,
13:19but they were really funny.
13:21You're joking.
13:22If he doesn't hear it three times a day, he gets IBS.
13:26I like the American version, too.
13:29Oh, because it was funnier.
13:30Yeah.
13:31Yeah, well, pay for this house.
13:33And your bee venom facials.
13:41Why don't you show him the wall?
13:49Oh, no.
13:50People like it.
13:51It has all his, um, memorabilia and silly trophies.
13:56Come on.
13:58He's had a dreadful evening.
13:59It would be cool.
14:02I'd like to be reminded of how fantastic I was.
14:06Oh, OK.
14:07Just quickly, though.
14:08Oh, wow.
14:33Nice to have.
14:43These are the people you made that show with?
14:46Finally, last day, I think.
14:50That's amazing.
14:51Good memories.
14:53People really love that show, huh?
14:55I've been lucky.
15:06Lenny, is it true that you wrote that first one by hand?
15:09What?
15:10The script for the first episode.
15:14Yeah.
15:19Your sandwich will be...
15:20Can I get an autograph?
15:22Is that still a thing?
15:23It's like getting smallpox, isn't it?
15:25Well, I don't have a phone.
15:27People won't believe that I met you otherwise.
15:30OK.
15:36You write me a message?
15:39Sure, yeah.
15:40Who to?
15:42Ben.
15:45So, sorry you got beaten up on my road, Ben.
15:48They probably lack strong father figures.
15:51Or, like, I can never forget a day like this.
15:55Well, you know, some of them.
16:01We could do a photo on Maggie's phone, and then send it on, and then you can get going.
16:27I can't believe.
16:47I found the good cheese.
16:49The cheddar had a full head of hair on it.
16:50Great, um, maybe you can put that in a Tupperware.
16:59Um, he, uh, Ben would like his quick photograph,
17:04and we could send that on.
17:06Right.
17:15Ready?
17:16Oh, that's lovely.
17:21Can we get one more for safety?
17:23No, I think we've got it.
17:24I blinked.
17:30Sure.
17:33One, two, three.
17:36Yes.
17:38Perfect.
17:39Can I see it?
17:40Um, sure.
17:41And, um, you can also just put your email in there.
17:45And I can get you those trainers now, yeah?
17:49So, what are you, a nine or a ten or...?
17:51What if they come back?
17:53Who, the, um...
17:54The people that attacked me.
17:55Well, then we should call the police.
17:56They can't help.
17:57Well, they might.
17:58They can't.
17:59Then we should, um, call the delivery people
18:01and see if they can send somebody.
18:05It's an Indian restaurant, they'll be closed by now.
18:11Not pizza?
18:12Pizza?
18:15Pizza?
18:16Pizza?
18:16Pizza?
18:23Okay.
18:26It's a night.
18:27I'm just gonna grab some trainers now
18:29and then we can be done.
18:32Okay?
18:32Hey.
18:33And it's been really great to meet you
18:35and I'd love to talk some more
18:37but it is late now
18:39and, you know,
18:40I need my funny sleep.
18:42Oh, okay. All right. Listen, I'm really honored that you love this show, okay?
18:47I really, I mean that. I really mean that. It means a lot.
18:52But when people are on TV, you know, sometimes it's easy to forget that they're behind it all, you know?
19:00They're just ordinary and they can get scared, yeah?
19:06And I don't want anyone to be scared now.
19:09No!
19:09Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, okay.
19:11Okay, we can, we could do some more photos, yeah? You could take, take some stuff.
19:16Oh, honey.
19:25Oh, honey.
19:39Is it too hard to breathe?
19:41Is it too hard to breathe?
19:43Is it too hard to breathe?
19:45Your phone
19:47What? Where?
19:49In the bedroom
19:51You don't need to do this
19:55Please
19:57I choose what happens
19:59Please
20:01Please
20:03I choose what happens
20:05I choose what happens now
20:07Okay
20:15Go!
20:37Go!
20:39Go!
20:41Go!
20:43Go!
20:45Go!
20:47Go!
20:49Go!
20:51Go!
20:53Go!
20:55Go!
20:57Go!
20:59Go!
21:01Go!
21:03Go!
21:05Go!
21:07Go!
21:09Go!
21:11Go!
21:13Go!
21:15Get down!
21:17Go!
21:19Go!
21:21Go!
21:23Go!
21:25Go!
21:27You're all right, Ben!
21:29Ben!
21:31I know it might not feel like it, but it can still go well!
21:33And maybe you don't believe me, but you should
21:35You should
21:37I'm sorry
21:39No, you're not
21:40Why would I not be sorry?
21:42Because I just tied you up
21:43Ben, Ben
21:44Please talk to me.
21:46Why did you come here?
21:56Hey, hey.
21:58I'm listening, okay?
22:06No one ever listens to me.
22:10Who doesn't listen to you?
22:12Ben, please talk to me.
22:15No!
22:17Hey, hey, I'm just, I'm just asking a question, okay?
22:21You don't get to ask me questions.
22:22Right, okay, okay, but let's not rush things here, right?
22:28All my life, who has ever listened to me?
22:32I'm listening to you, I'm listening to you right now.
22:34When I was four, I got my first new family.
22:46When I cried, because I was scared, because I wanted my mum.
22:52You know what they did?
22:56They put me in the furthest room.
22:58My mum had a heavy door.
23:05You couldn't hear me from there.
23:07That sounds like an awful experience.
23:09And not one of them cared about a single thing that ever came out of my mouth.
23:14And is that why you're here?
23:17Revenge.
23:19You want revenge on the world somehow?
23:21Because if that is, then I totally understand.
23:24The world hasn't been that nice to you, but do you think this is going to help?
23:27Hurting us.
23:31Is that who you think I am?
23:32I think we can all be pushed to revenge if somebody hurts us, but the question is, can
23:40we stop ourselves?
23:42Should we stop ourselves?
23:50Where's the script?
23:51What?
23:52The script.
23:53The first one.
23:54The first one that you wrote.
23:56Is that what this is about?
23:59Is that what you want?
24:00You want a memento?
24:04Like a fucking souvenir?
24:05Lenny.
24:06You break my house.
24:07You bust my ribs.
24:09You scare my wife.
24:09Lenny.
24:10For that.
24:11What?
24:12So you could show it off so it'd be like a bang?
24:14Lenny.
24:14Where is the fucking script?
24:16I'm listening to you.
24:18I'm listening to you right now.
24:21No, it's in the safe.
24:22It's in the safe in the office.
24:24It's 2-0.
24:292-3.
24:302-3-0-4-8-1.
24:33Just take it.
24:35Take it.
24:36Take whatever you want and go.
24:38Oh, shit!
24:40Oh, shit!
24:41Oh, shit!
24:42Oh, shit!
24:43Oh, shit!
25:05What?
25:06I'm gonna go press the button.
25:07Maggie! Maggie, what if he comes back for me?
25:13I'm gonna get her some help.
25:37Oh, my God.
26:07I don't know.
26:37I don't know.
27:07I don't know.
27:37I don't know.
28:07I don't know.
28:09I don't know.
28:39I don't know.
28:41I don't know.
28:43I don't know.
28:45I don't know.
28:47I don't know.
28:49I don't know.
28:51I don't know.
28:53I don't know.
28:55I don't know.
28:57I don't know.
28:59I don't know.
29:03I don't know.
29:05I don't know.
29:07I don't know.
29:09I don't know.
29:11I don't know.
29:15I don't know.
29:17I don't know.
29:19I don't know.
29:21I don't know.
29:23I don't know.
29:25I don't know.
29:27I don't know.
29:29I don't know.
29:31I don't know.
29:33I don't know.
29:35I don't know.
29:37I don't know.
29:39I don't know.
29:41I don't know.
29:43I don't know.
29:45I don't know.
29:47I don't know.
30:05It's just easy.
30:07You have...
30:10It's just easy.
30:11It's just easy.
30:13It's just easy.
30:17You should go now.
30:25I've just pressed the alarm, and the police are coming.
30:28They are on their way right now.
30:30No one's coming.
30:56It's okay.
31:00It's okay.
31:30I'm sorry.
31:52No, you've got what you want.
32:05Just leave us alone, please.
32:09I'm used to people wanting me to go away.
32:11Oh, I can't think why.
32:12By the time I was 18, I'd had so many names.
32:18I didn't know who I was anymore.
32:22Must have knocked on a hundred doors, asking to see my case files, trying to find out.
32:27They said they lost them, and they were burnt in a fire.
32:35I'm sorry that happened to you.
32:37The system contorts to protect itself.
32:43I said get out.
32:51Must have worked with a lot of people on that show.
32:54Yeah.
32:58Hundreds.
33:01Cast.
33:02Crew.
33:03Takes a lot of hands on deck to make something like that.
33:06Well, because of something you made up.
33:10That's a big responsibility.
33:13Major of the beast.
33:15Major of the beast.
33:17Tell me you're not one of those internet tossbots who doesn't like the ending.
33:27You want me to rewrite it?
33:29Like fucking misery.
33:31Is that what this is about?
33:35They're not commodities, are they?
33:38What?
33:38These people.
33:40You might get up, move on to the next thing, walk away.
33:42But if you use them, they'd get hurt.
33:47I don't know what this is about.
33:48You want me to confess to, what, being a prick?
33:53Being a showbiz prick?
33:55Someone who was nasty to your favourite characters?
33:59You want to cancel me?
34:02Okay, right.
34:03You're right.
34:05Throw a canapé into a room full of people I work with,
34:08you're probably going to hit someone I was a wanker to.
34:11You know, actors, directors, producers.
34:13Everything you've heard is probably true.
34:20Is that what you want to hear?
34:22A rich man regrets things.
34:26If it makes you happy, yeah, why not?
34:29I regret it.
34:31But I was just trying to make something good, you know?
34:33And maybe you're here because I did.
34:35I got my case files in the end.
34:54A lot of the pages were black.
34:55There was so much stuff redacted.
34:57But they get a picture of my mum.
34:59Only one I've got.
35:00And it was this.
35:10When she wrote this, I could barely write my own name.
35:16Do you remember her?
35:17I don't know what you're talking about.
35:21Production assistant.
35:22First series.
35:24Make coffee, probably fetch lunch.
35:25You said yourself, I work with a lot of people.
35:30I think you remember my mother.
35:33Well, untie me and we can go through my contacts.
35:38How about that?
35:42Her name was Nell.
35:45You don't remember her?
35:57Who was that?
35:59Apparently someone who handed me an almond croissant a quarter of a century ago.
36:04She knew you.
36:05A lot of people know me.
36:07Yeah, but she wrote about you.
36:09A lot of people write about me.
36:10One minute he says he loves me.
36:18And the next, he's so terrible, I feel like he'd rather I was dead.
36:23Is this a joke?
36:24I don't even know her.
36:25And I know all the reasons why I should live.
36:29But I can't do it anymore.
36:32Leonard.
36:32I swear.
36:33I remember her taking me to your set.
36:35I definitely remember being excited.
36:40Being happy.
36:43How long did it take you to ruin all that?
36:49Because she wrote this letter a year after you made that show.
36:55No, no.
36:57That's impossible.
36:58We were together then, Leonard.
36:59What is this?
37:00It's just another liar wanting something he's not going to get.
37:03Go on.
37:04Take the script.
37:05You can take whatever you want and get out.
37:10She says you told her to do it.
37:14She says you told her maybe she should end it.
37:17If being with you was making her so sad.
37:20Come on.
37:23Is that what you did?
37:25No.
37:27Did she tell her to do it?
37:29Look, I'm sorry to ruin your sad story.
37:32I don't even remember meeting your mother.
37:33Never mind falling in love with her.
37:48I sometimes wonder if...
37:51I was in the room as she wrote this.
37:52I'm so sorry for what happened to you.
38:11I know it's tough.
38:12I sometimes wonder if...
38:14If she meant for me to read this one day.
38:18But you have to understand that a lot of people say things about Lenny that just aren't true.
38:24And these lies we just have to deal with.
38:27Even if it's hard.
38:30Maybe that's why she wrote it on the back of this.
38:34And, Ellie...
38:36Sorry I had to leave so early.
38:38I just wanted to let you know...
38:42I could never forget a day like this.
38:49Did you write that?
38:51Of course I didn't.
38:52Then why is it in your handwriting?
38:53Is this truly how pathetic and greedy you actually are?
39:00You think you could make me pay you to go away with this horse shit?
39:05I just said that you loved her if the opposite was true.
39:07Leonard.
39:08I never said anything of the sort.
39:10I love you past the edges of time.
39:40Did you tell her to do it?
39:45Tell her to me!
39:48Did you tell her to do it?
39:55I'll tell you what's not in your case, Vile.
39:58Your mother was a fruitcake.
40:02Yeah.
40:03I just told her to shit or get off the pot if she's so unhappy.
40:09And you know what?
40:11I did her a favor.
40:12Shut up!
40:13I know I did because...
40:15I was there when it happened.
40:33Better get fucking free!
40:40So, yes.
40:41I do remember your pathetic little mother.
40:46I remember the look in her eyes.
40:52Almost...
40:53It almost looked like a smile.
40:55You choose what happens.
41:14You choose what happens.
41:17You choose.
41:18You choose what happens.
41:20It's okay.
41:27It's okay.
41:41It's gonna be okay.
41:42Maggie.
41:43Maggie!
41:44Yeah.
41:45Yeah.
41:46Yeah.
41:47Yeah.
41:48Cut.
41:49Cut them.
41:50Maggie.
41:51Yeah.
41:52Yeah.
41:53Cut the ties.
41:54Maggie, what are you doing?
41:55What are you doing?
41:57What are you doing?
41:59What are you doing?
42:00I'm telling the police what happened, what I found when I came out of the shower.
42:30You attacking this young man because he came here to find out the truth about his mother, and I stopped it.
42:49Shhh.
42:56Maggie.
42:58Shhh.
43:00Maggie.
43:10Don't.
43:11You know what this will do to me.
43:21Shhh.
43:28Shhh.
43:30Thank you for calling 999.
43:41What's your emergency?
43:42Okay.
43:43That joke's not funny anymore.
43:49That joke's not funny anymore.
43:54I am not who I was before.
43:58That joke's not funny anymore.
44:01Cause you have choked me to my core.
44:05So I am going to restore.
44:09That joke's not funny anymore.
44:13Oh.
44:14Oh.
44:15Yeah.
44:16Yeah.
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