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00:01Ladies and gentlemen, please give a warm welcome to Lenny Ray!
00:12It's an extraordinary feeling to think of something
00:17over the top of your head that makes people laugh.
00:21It's a gift.
00:23Perfect version of a modern man. Attractive. Very funny, which I think is very important.
00:37P.S. My mum, Brackets Jackie, loves you.
00:46And the winner is...
00:48Lenny Brain with Glass Houses.
00:53When it comes to the world, I want to see you out of the world.
00:57We are here today.
00:59Let's see.
01:01Let's go.
01:03Let's go.
01:05Let's go.
01:07Let's go.
01:09Let's go.
01:11Let's go.
01:13Let's go.
01:15Let's go.
01:18Let's go.
01:19I don't know.
01:49Baggy. Baggy. Please. I don't want to go to bed on an argument. Especially not about something so stupid as this.
01:59Can we just...
02:00What? Sleep?
02:01Yes.
02:02How is this going to sleep? Well, this will probably be all over sodding papers tomorrow.
02:06You can sleep fine because you know it's all lies. Nothing happened. Nothing happened.
02:13Neighbours don't know that, do they?
02:15I've never even met this woman.
02:18I know that.
02:19Nobody else does.
02:24Are we going to do this every time there's a bogus allegation?
02:37Girl. Bloody ridiculous.
02:39And the cleaner doesn't know it's a lie.
02:41Oh, if we're worried about what the cleaner thinks of us, maybe we shouldn't employ her to clean the house.
02:46What I'm saying is it's humiliating.
02:48I don't even know who this woman is. She could be made up for all I know.
02:52I can still hate it. I can still hate how attritional it is.
02:55This is like being accused of having an affair with a tooth fairy.
03:01It can still make me feel rubbish.
03:03Look, she's crazy just like the rest of them. It's just endless crap. Years of bullshit.
03:22Every single one of them disappears. The moment they get a stern letter just pointing out, there's no basis for any of it. There's no evidence.
03:30Nothing. Nothing happened. It's all made up. But the papers still go with it because I'm me.
03:39Look, these sheets, yeah? They're Egyptian cotton and they've barely seen our bum cheeks because we've been in the Maldives.
03:49That's the life we have. And the price we pay for it is these liars and maniacs.
03:56But why am I telling you this? You know this.
04:00You're a psychotherapist for God's sake.
04:09You're a psychotherapist for God's sake.
04:10I'm sorry.
04:16Just let them write it. Let them write whatever they want. TV funny man shags burrito or whatever.
04:30There's never been anyone else.
04:33I tell you every day.
04:39I love you.
04:45Past the edges of time.
04:52What was that?
05:03Shall we press the buzzer? It's in the kitchen.
05:08Well, you might need something.
05:09It could be dangerous.
05:11You might need help.
05:12Then we should call the police.
05:13Oh, is he around the doorbell?
05:15Yes.
05:21Oh my God.
05:23Shit.
05:24Shit.
05:26Quick.
05:26Yeah, yeah.
05:28Okay.
05:33Oh, Jesus.
05:56Please.
05:56They attacked me.
05:58Who attacked you?
05:58They took my bike and my phone.
06:01Who?
06:04I don't know.
06:08My phone's upstairs.
06:09I'll call you in ambulance.
06:10No, please.
06:13What do you need?
06:17You're the only one that answered.
06:25Do you want to come in?
06:29Can you stand?
06:31Come on.
06:32Come on.
06:33Come on.
06:34Come on.
06:35Come on.
06:36Let's just...
06:37Let's get you sorted out.
06:40Okay.
06:41Okay.
06:42You can just...
06:56Here, sit here.
06:57Sit here.
06:59Here, sit here.
07:00I'm sorry.
07:04No, don't be ridiculous.
07:05No, don't be ridiculous.
07:08I know it's late.
07:11Did you hit your head?
07:12Are you bleeding?
07:13I really think we ought to call you an ambulance, you know?
07:16It's okay.
07:17You collapsed.
07:19I think it was just a shock, I don't know.
07:21You might be concussed.
07:23It's just my shoulder.
07:24You sure about that?
07:26I just need some water.
07:30Right, of course.
07:32It was what?
07:34Was it randoms or...?
07:37I was delivering pizza.
07:40I was going to number 20.
07:41I got the money and they...
07:43They just come out of nowhere.
07:44We should definitely call the police.
07:47I don't thought they'd be able to do anything.
07:48You've been robbed.
07:49They'll be long gone.
07:51Well, probably, but...
07:52When my flat got broken into, the police, they didn't even turn up.
07:55Oh, yeah, but they're a bit quicker around here, mate.
08:00No.
08:03No, please.
08:07I'll...
08:08I'll go to the station.
08:09I just need to get my shit together.
08:11No problem.
08:12Please.
08:16I don't know my licence.
08:19Huh.
08:20It's only part-time to help me pay my way through uni.
08:25I can't afford to lose this job.
08:31Well, you should definitely report it.
08:33I will, I promise.
08:35And learn to drive.
08:37Yeah.
08:38They can't be allowed to get away with it.
08:41It's fucking feral.
08:43What were they, kids?
08:45Seventeen.
08:46Eighteen, maybe, but they were big.
08:48Hopped up on Minecraft and balloons.
08:51And they were fast.
08:53Don't usually get that round here.
08:54If there's trouble round here, it's all planning consent for basement pools.
08:57People are going to fold a basement pool.
08:58They don't usually kick your head in.
09:01Could have done without them stealing my shoes.
09:03Yeah, why would they do that?
09:05Dunno.
09:06They're old as well.
09:08All the levers coming off.
09:10Maybe they've mended them.
09:12Maybe they're feral cobblers.
09:13There you go.
09:14Can I get you a shirt, or...?
09:19Mm.
09:21Yeah.
09:22Yeah, please.
09:23If you don't mind.
09:25Yeah, I could stretch to a shirt.
09:26I've got some old trainers here somewhere.
09:28If I can find them.
09:29I don't know where anything is.
09:30The cleaner moves things around like a mouse.
09:33Without the incontinence.
09:45I don't know where to go.
09:46New
10:14Oh, oh my god, I'm sorry, are you okay?
10:42Hi.
10:43Found one.
10:45Jumped by some kids out delivering pizza.
10:47God, who was it?
10:49Teenage mutant ninja wankers.
10:53Jesus, are you hurt?
10:56It's okay.
10:58What do you need?
10:59I'm fine, honestly.
11:01You don't look great.
11:02Take aim for your money, she's just coming for your self-esteem.
11:05I didn't mean that, I mean we should call an ambulance.
11:07It's just my shoulder.
11:09You collapsed.
11:12It's just shot.
11:13I'm feeling...
11:14Okay, did you call the police?
11:16No.
11:17I can do that for you.
11:18Wait, he's going to go to the station when he's got his breath back.
11:26Right.
11:27Did he give you food?
11:28Would you like a sandwich?
11:29How quickly do you think I can make a sandwich?
11:31Oh, wait, cream.
11:32In a sandwich?
11:33Antiseptic for the cuts.
11:34Please.
11:35You don't have to do anything.
11:36Nonsense.
11:37Nonsense.
11:38Let me make you a sandwich.
11:39Okay.
11:40If it's not too much trouble.
11:41What do we have?
11:42You like kimchi?
11:43He's a victim of violence.
11:44He's not a mystery diner.
11:45Just ignore his bad jokes.
11:46I do.
11:47Daily.
11:48Don't slice that too fit.
11:49You'll ruin a sandwich.
11:50For a minute, we thought you were um...
11:51No.
11:52You got a sandwich.
11:53Nothing.
11:54I'm going to eat.
11:55I'm going to eat.
11:56At least you're done.
11:57Just ignore his bad jokes. I do, daily.
12:07Don't slice that too thick, you'll ruin a sandwich.
12:16For a minute we thought you were a crazy fan or something.
12:22Like New York?
12:24Yeah, he was intense.
12:26Showed up at like one in the morning.
12:28Not like three. Didn't leave.
12:31Made me sign his arse.
12:41Oh my God, you're Lenny Bray.
12:47Oh, I'm sorry.
12:48That's all right, honestly.
12:51I didn't realise that you were you.
12:54My head's all...
12:59In your defence, I wasn't this fat 25 years ago.
13:03I like your show.
13:04I mean, I've only seen a few episodes.
13:07You're forgiven on the grounds that you were a child when I made them.
13:10That's true.
13:11I'd like to be reminded of my own mortality.
13:15I mean, you're probably tired of hearing this all the time, but they were really funny.
13:20You're joking.
13:21If he doesn't hear it three times a day, he gets IBS.
13:24I like the American version too.
13:28Oh, because it was funnier.
13:29Yeah.
13:30Yeah, well, pay for this house.
13:33And your bee venom facials.
13:35Why don't you show him the wall?
13:48Oh, no.
13:49People like it.
13:50It has all his memorabilia and silly trophies.
13:54Come on.
13:55Who's had a dreadful evening?
13:58That would be cool.
14:00I'd like to be reminded of how fantastic I was.
14:03No, no, okay.
14:05Just quickly, though.
14:07Oh, wow.
14:37Nice to have.
14:43These are the people you made that show with?
14:46Finally.
14:47Last day, I think.
14:50That's amazing.
14:51Good memories.
14:53People really love that show, huh?
14:55I've been lucky.
14:56Lenny, is it true that you wrote that first one by hand?
15:09What?
15:10The script for the first episode.
15:13Yeah.
15:18Your sandwich will be...
15:19Can I get an autograph?
15:21Is that still a thing?
15:23It's like getting smallpox, innit?
15:24Well, I don't have a phone.
15:26People won't believe that I've met you otherwise.
15:30Okay.
15:36Can you write me a message?
15:38Sure, yeah.
15:39Who to?
15:41Ben.
15:45So...
15:46Sorry you got beaten up on my road, Ben.
15:48They probably lack strong for other figures.
15:50Or, like...
15:52I can never forget a day like this.
15:59Or, you know, something.
16:01We could do a photo on Maggie's phone.
16:02And then send it on.
16:03And then you can get going.
16:04We could do a photo on Maggie's phone.
16:05And then send it on.
16:06And...
16:07And then you can get going.
16:11We could do a photo on Maggie's phone.
16:12And then send it on.
16:13And...
16:14And then you can get going.
16:18We could do a photo on Maggie's phone.
16:19And then send it on.
16:20And then you can get going.
16:25And then you can get going.
16:26And then you can get going.
16:32I found the good cheese.
16:47Cheddar had a full head of hair on it.
16:50Great.
16:51Um...
16:52Maybe we could put that in a Tupperware.
16:58Um...
16:59He, uh...
17:00Ben...
17:01Would...
17:02Like it's a quick photograph.
17:03And we could send that on.
17:06Right.
17:07Ready?
17:08Oh, that's lovely.
17:09Okay.
17:10Uh, can we get one more for safety?
17:11No, I think we've got it.
17:12I blinked.
17:29Sure.
17:33One...
17:34Two...
17:35Three...
17:36Yes.
17:37Perfect.
17:38Can I see it?
17:39Um...
17:40Sure.
17:41And, um...
17:42You can also just put your email in there.
17:44Yeah.
17:45And I can get you those trainers now, yeah?
17:48So what are you?
17:49A nine?
17:50Or a ten?
17:51Or...
17:52What if they come back?
17:53Who?
17:54The, um...
17:55The people that attacked me.
17:56Well, then we should call the police.
17:57They can't help.
17:58Well, they might.
17:59They can't.
18:00Then we should, um, call the delivery people and see if they can send somebody.
18:04It's...
18:05It's an Indian restaurant and they'll be closed.
18:06Why not?
18:10Not pizza?
18:11Not pizza?
18:12Hey.
18:13It's alright.
18:14I'm just gonna grab some trainers now and then we can be done.
18:17Okay?
18:18Hey.
18:19It's alright.
18:20I'm just gonna grab some trainers now and then we can be done.
18:22Okay?
18:23Hey.
18:24And it's been really great to meet you and I'd love to talk some more but it is late now
18:38and, you know, I need my funny stick.
18:41Oh.
18:42Okay.
18:43Alright.
18:44Listen.
18:45I'm really honoured that you love this show.
18:46Okay?
18:47I really...
18:48I mean that.
18:49I really mean that.
18:50It means a lot.
18:51But...
18:53When people are on TV, you know, sometimes it's easy to forget that they're behind it all.
18:59You know, they're just ordinary and they can get scared.
19:03Yeah?
19:04And I don't want anyone to be scared.
19:07Now...
19:08No!
19:09Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
19:10Okay.
19:11Okay.
19:12We can...
19:13We can do some more photos, yeah?
19:14You could take...
19:15Take some stuff.
19:16Oh!
19:17Oh!
19:18Oh!
19:19Oh!
19:20Oh!
19:21Oh!
19:22Oh!
19:23Oh!
19:24Oh!
19:25Oh!
19:26Oh!
19:27Oh!
19:28Oh!
19:29Oh!
19:30Oh!
19:31Oh!
19:32Oh!
19:35Oh!
19:36Oh!
19:37Oh, don't you hurt him!
19:40Oh!
19:41Is it too hard to please?
19:42Is it too hard to please?
19:43You're Flown.
19:45...What?
19:46Where?
19:47Oh.
19:48In the bedroom.
19:50You don't need to do this.
19:54Please.
19:55I'll choose what happens.
19:56Okay, okay.
19:57Please.
19:58Please.
20:00Please.
20:01I choose what happens!
20:03Okay.
20:04I choose what happens now.
20:06Okay.
20:07Please.
20:09Go!
20:13Okay.
20:17I'm coming.
20:20I don't know.
20:50Get down!
21:20I know it might not feel like it, but it can still go well.
21:30And maybe you don't believe me, but you should.
21:34You should.
21:35I'm sorry.
21:36No, you're not.
21:37Why would I be sorry?
21:38Because I just tied you up.
21:39Ben, Ben.
21:40Please talk to me.
21:41Why did you come here?
21:42Hey.
21:43Hey.
21:44Hey.
21:45Hey.
21:46I'm listening.
21:47Okay?
21:48No one ever listens to me.
21:56Who doesn't listen to you?
21:58Ben, please talk to me.
21:59No!
22:00Hey.
22:01Hey.
22:02Hey.
22:03Hey.
22:04I'm just...
22:05I'm just asking a question, okay?
22:07You don't get to ask me questions.
22:09Right.
22:10Okay.
22:11Okay.
22:12Okay.
22:13But...
22:14Let's not rush things here.
22:15Right?
22:16All my life.
22:17When I was four, I got my first new family.
22:18Yeah.
22:19What?
22:20I didn't...
22:21I'd have to say hey.
22:22Hey.
22:23Hey.
22:24Hey.
22:25Hey.
22:26I'm just...
22:27I'm just asking a question, okay?
22:28You don't get to ask me questions.
22:29Right?
22:30Okay.
22:31But...
22:32Let's not rush things here.
22:33Right?
22:34All my life...
22:35No one's ever listened to me.
22:36I'm listening to you.
22:37I'm listening to you right now.
22:39It was four, I got my first new family.
22:45when I cried
22:47because I was scared
22:50because I wanted my mum
22:51you know what they did?
22:56They put me in the furthest room
22:58my mum at the heavy door
23:01they couldn't hear me from there
23:06That sounds like an awful experience
23:09and not one of them
23:10cared about a single thing
23:13that ever came out of my mouth
23:14and is that why you're here?
23:17Revenge
23:17you want revenge on the world somehow
23:21because if that is then I totally understand
23:23the world hasn't been that nice to you
23:25but do you think this is going to help?
23:27Hurting us
23:28Is that who you think I am?
23:34I think we can all be pushed to revenge
23:36if somebody hurts us
23:37but the question is
23:39can we stop ourselves?
23:42Shall we stop ourselves?
23:44Where's the script?
23:51What?
23:52The script
23:53the first one
23:53the first one that you wrote
23:55Is that
23:56is that what this is about?
23:59Is that what you want?
24:02What do you want?
24:02What do you want?
24:03You want a memento?
24:04Like a fucking souvenir?
24:05Lenny
24:05you break my house
24:07you brush my ribs
24:08you scare my wife
24:09Lenny
24:10for that
24:10What?
24:12So you could show it off
24:13so it'd be like a bang
24:14and it's
24:14Where is the fucking script?
24:16I'm listening to you
24:18I'm listening to you right now
24:19No it's in the safe
24:22it's in the safe
24:23in the office
24:24it's
24:24it's
24:25it's
24:26it's
24:262-0
24:272-3-2-3-0-4-8-1
24:31Just take it
24:35take it
24:36take whatever you want
24:38and go
24:38I'm going to go press the button
25:07Maggie
25:08Maggie what if he comes back for me?
25:13I'm going to get her some help
25:38She's
25:43She's
25:44You
25:44I'm
25:45I'm
25:45I'm
25:46You
25:46I'm
25:47I feel
25:48I'm
25:48I'm
25:48I'm
25:49I'm
25:49I'm
25:49I'm
25:49I'm
25:50I'm
25:51I'm
25:52the
25:53someone
25:53could you
25:55Ha?
25:55I'm
25:56My
25:57God
25:57Oh, my God.
26:27Oh, my God.
26:57Oh, my God.
27:27Oh, my God.
27:57Oh, my God.
28:27Oh, my God.
28:57Oh, my God.
29:27Oh, my God.
29:57Oh, my God.
30:27There's the alarm, and the police are coming.
30:28They are on their way right now.
30:30No one's coming.
30:34No one's coming.
30:47It's okay.
30:53It's okay.
30:54It's okay.
30:56It's okay.
31:04It's okay.
31:05It's okay.
31:06It's okay.
31:08I don't know.
31:38I'm sorry.
31:52I'm sorry.
31:55Look, you've got what you want.
32:05Just leave us alone, please.
32:08I'm used to people wanting me to go away.
32:11Oh, I can't think why.
32:14By the time I was 18, I'd had so many names.
32:18I didn't know who I was anymore.
32:22Must have knocked on a hundred doors asking to see my case files.
32:26Trying to find out.
32:28They said they lost them.
32:29And they were burnt in a fire.
32:35I'm sorry that happened to you.
32:41The system contorts to protect itself.
32:43I said get out.
32:52Must have worked with a lot of people on that show.
32:54Yeah.
32:58Hundreds.
33:01Cast.
33:02Crew.
33:03Takes a lot of hands on deck to make something like that.
33:06Well, because of something you made up.
33:10That's a big responsibility.
33:13Major of the beast.
33:15Major of the beast.
33:17Tell me you're not one of those internet tossbots who doesn't like the ending.
33:27You want me to rewrite it?
33:29Like fucking misery.
33:31Is that what this is about?
33:35They're not commodities, are they?
33:38What?
33:38These people.
33:40You might get up, move on to the next thing, walk away.
33:42But if you used them, they'd get hurt.
33:47I don't know what this is about.
33:48You want me to confess to, what, being a prick?
33:53Being a showbiz prick?
33:55Someone who was nasty to your favourite characters?
33:59You want to cancel me?
34:02Okay, right.
34:03You're right.
34:05Throw a canapé into a room full of people I work with,
34:08you're probably going to hit someone I was a wanker to.
34:11You know, actors, directors, producers.
34:15Everything you've heard is probably true.
34:20Is that what you want to hear?
34:22A rich man regrets things.
34:27If it makes you happy, yeah, why not?
34:29I regret it.
34:31But I was just trying to make something good, you know?
34:33And maybe you're here because I did.
34:41I got my case files in the end.
34:54A lot of the pages were black.
34:55There was so much stuff redacted.
34:57But they get a picture of my mum.
35:00Only one I've got.
35:00And it was this.
35:10When she wrote this, I could barely write my own name.
35:16Do you remember her?
35:17I don't know what you're talking about.
35:21Production assistant.
35:22First series.
35:24Make coffee, probably fetch lunch.
35:25You said yourself.
35:27I work with a lot of people.
35:30I think.
35:32You remember my mother.
35:33Well, untie me.
35:36And we can go through my contacts.
35:38How about that?
35:42Her name...
35:43was Nell.
35:45You don't remember her?
35:57Who was that?
35:59Apparently someone who handed me an almond croissant
36:01a quarter of a century ago.
36:04She knew you.
36:05A lot of people know me.
36:07Yeah, but she wrote about you.
36:09A lot of people write about me.
36:15One minute he says he loves me.
36:18And the next, he's so terrible,
36:21I feel like he'd rather I was dead.
36:23Is this a joke?
36:24I don't even know her.
36:25And I know all the reasons why I should live.
36:29But I can't do it anymore.
36:32Leonard.
36:32I swear, I remember her taking me to your set.
36:36I definitely remember being excited.
36:40Being happy.
36:41How long did it take you to ruin all that?
36:49Because she wrote this letter a year after you made that shot.
36:55No, no.
36:57That's impossible we were together then, Leonard.
36:59What is this?
37:00It's just another liar wanting something he's not going to get.
37:03Go on, take the script.
37:05You can take whatever you want and get out.
37:08She says you told her to do it.
37:14She says you told her maybe she should end it.
37:17If being with you was making her so sad.
37:20Come on.
37:23Is that what you did?
37:25No.
37:27Did she tell her to do it?
37:29Look, I'm sorry to ruin your sad story.
37:32I don't even remember meeting your mother.
37:33Never mind falling in love with her.
37:38I sometimes wonder if I was in the room as she wrote this.
37:59Ben.
37:59I'm so, so sorry for what happened to you.
38:11I know it's tough.
38:12I sometimes wonder if...
38:14If she meant for me to read this one day.
38:18But you have to understand that a lot of people say things about Lenny that just aren't true.
38:24And these lies we just have to deal with.
38:27Even if it's hard.
38:30Maybe that's why she wrote it on the back of this.
38:34Hey, Nelly.
38:36Sorry I had to leave so early.
38:39I just wanted to let you know.
38:42I could never forget a day like this.
38:44Did you write that?
38:51Of course I didn't.
38:52Then why is it in your handwriting?
38:57Is this truly how pathetic and greedy you actually are?
39:00You think you could make me pay you to go away with this horse shit?
39:05I just said that you loved her if the opposite was true.
39:08Leonard.
39:08I never said anything of the salt.
39:10I love you past the edges of time.
39:40Did you tell her to do it?
39:45Tell her to me!
39:48Did you tell her to do it?
39:55I'll tell you what's not in your case, Vile.
39:58Your mother was a fruitcake.
40:02Yeah.
40:02I just told her to shit or get off the pot if she's so unhappy.
40:09And you know what?
40:11I did her a favour.
40:12Shut up!
40:13I know I did because
40:14I was there when it happened.
40:16I'm going to get fucked for free!
40:40So yes, I do remember your pathetic little mother.
40:43I'm going to get fucked for free!
40:43I'm going to get fucked for free!
40:45I remember the look in her eyes.
40:52Almost...
40:53It almost looked like a smile.
40:55No!
41:10You choose what happens.
41:14You fool.
41:15You choose what happens.
41:17You choose.
41:19You choose what happens.
41:26It's okay.
41:27It's okay.
41:27It's going to be okay.
41:42Maggie!
41:44Yeah.
41:46Yeah.
41:47Yeah.
41:47Yeah.
41:48Cut them.
41:49Cut them.
41:50Maggie.
41:51the ties.
42:08What are you doing?
42:12What are you doing?
42:13What are you doing?
42:14I'm telling the police what happened, what I found, when I came out of the shower.
42:31You attacking this young man.
42:39Because he came here to find out the truth about his mother, and I stopped it.
42:48Shhh.
42:56Maggie.
42:58Shhh.
43:08Maggie.
43:09Don't.
43:10You know what this will do to me.
43:12Shhh.
43:15Shhh.
43:16Shhh.
43:18Shhh.
43:19Shhh.
43:25Shhh.
43:27Shhh.
43:28Shhhh.
43:30Shhh.
43:31Shhh.
43:36Shhh.
43:37Thank you for calling 999. What's your emergency?
44:07To restore that joke's not funny anymore.
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