- 15 hours ago
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Oh, it's cold!
00:00:02I don't know, please!
00:00:03I'm coming to you!
00:00:04Oh, I'll be right back!
00:00:06Please stop.
00:00:07Hold your sister!
00:00:08Look, can't hold your sister, please!
00:00:14Hi, can I help you?
00:00:15Hi.
00:00:16Do you mind if I have a word with your kids?
00:00:18Uh, sure.
00:00:20Okay, kids, I couldn't help but notice that your mommy here
00:00:22is trying very hard to keep you happy,
00:00:25and I just wanted to say that, um,
00:00:27you really should be nicer to her, okay?
00:00:29Because someday, she's going to be dead.
00:00:34Merry Christmas.
00:00:37Oh, don't look at me like that.
00:00:38Scrooge gets famous for being grumpy around the holidays,
00:00:41and I'm not entitled to one little outburst.
00:00:43Come to think of it, what are the holiday movies about moms?
00:00:45I can name a dozen about men. Easy.
00:00:47Bears, Christmas Vacation, It's a Wonderful Life,
00:00:49The Santa Claus, Home Alone, Elf,
00:00:51this one, that one, that guy, this guy, him, them.
00:00:55Heck, Steve Martin is some kind of hero
00:00:56because he spends a few days trying to get home
00:00:58in planes, trains, and automobiles.
00:01:00And what does his beautiful wife get?
00:01:02You know, the woman at home has been taking care of the kids,
00:01:04cooking and cleaning, around 89 seconds of screen time.
00:01:07They need to make a movie about the true heroes of the holidays.
00:01:10Moms.
00:01:12I was all prepared for my favorite holiday, Christmas.
00:01:15I've been planning it since January 1st,
00:01:17and I was watching my number one TV program, Zazzy Timms.
00:01:21And folks, stay right here, because after the break,
00:01:23we'll be joined by Chef Emeril Lagasse,
00:01:25and he's gonna tell us how to cook a beautiful Christmas turkey
00:01:27with a little Cajun twist. Bam!
00:01:30Oh, and don't forget, the annual Zazzy Timms Holiday Mom Contest
00:01:33is upon us, and you've got one day left
00:01:35to nominate your very own holiday mom
00:01:37to win an all-expenses-paid Christmas trip out to Burbank
00:01:40to be a guest on my show.
00:01:41It's your chance to show your mom how special she is.
00:01:44So get those applications in before it's too late.
00:01:55I'm gonna leave this.
00:01:57Hey, hon.
00:01:58Hey. Oh, my God, you're just starting that?
00:02:00Honey, it's gonna take me 45 minutes to an hour tops
00:02:02to build this thing, okay?
00:02:03And Ben and Lucy are gonna love it.
00:02:04That's a lot of parts. Good luck.
00:02:06So I'm gonna run errands. You need anything?
00:02:07Nope, I'm good. Just drive safe.
00:02:09Hey, the kids haven't mentioned the Zazzy Contest to you, have they?
00:02:13Because I've sent them messages about it.
00:02:15I definitely did.
00:02:16Contest?
00:02:17The Holiday Mom Contest.
00:02:18Your kids have to submit you.
00:02:20It's the whole thing.
00:02:22Did you tell them to submit you?
00:02:25I can't ask them to submit me.
00:02:27That would be cheating.
00:02:28I want them to want to submit me.
00:02:30I mean, who cares? It's just a silly little contest.
00:02:34It's really not that important to me.
00:02:36I see it.
00:02:37I see it on your face.
00:02:39I suppose I could text them one more time.
00:02:41Couldn't hurt.
00:02:43Couldn't hurt.
00:02:44Good night.
00:02:45Hooray Eve.
00:02:463
00:02:47Good night.
00:02:48Good night.
00:02:49Good day.
00:02:50애들
00:02:51N
00:02:58I
00:02:59Something
00:03:01Matter.
00:03:02I
00:03:04It's
00:03:05But
00:03:06God
00:03:07I like to sing about all the things your eyes and mind can't see.
00:03:14So how's the boy got your devil?
00:03:17Oh, step into Christmas with me, yeah.
00:03:22Step into Christmas, dance, run together.
00:03:25We can watch the snow more ever and ever.
00:03:28Even if it be and every couple I've been there.
00:03:31Step into Christmas, be a mess and breathe.
00:03:35Channing is my oldest.
00:03:38She, her husband Doug, and their twins, Lucy and Ben, live just a few hours away in Austin.
00:03:43Makes me so happy to have her close by.
00:03:46She's her own woman now, but I still make an extra stop at Schultz's every year just so she can have her pepper news.
00:03:51Hello?
00:03:52She loves pepper news.
00:03:54Hello?
00:03:55Mom?
00:03:56The Christmas tree is so cool.
00:03:58Ding dong.
00:03:59She hasn't gotten rid of a single decoration since we were kids.
00:04:01That one's mine.
00:04:02Hey, don't touch the presents.
00:04:04Mom?
00:04:05I'm here.
00:04:06Hi, Mom.
00:04:07Hello.
00:04:08Come here.
00:04:09I have missed you two so much.
00:04:10I heard voices.
00:04:11Little bean.
00:04:12Oh, hey, daddy.
00:04:13Hey.
00:04:14Hey, handsome.
00:04:15How beautiful.
00:04:16How are you?
00:04:17Thanks for having us.
00:04:18I'm good.
00:04:19So happy to see you.
00:04:20I'm gonna squeeze upstairs.
00:04:21Excuse me.
00:04:22You guys.
00:04:23Hey.
00:04:24You guys haven't heard of this show.
00:04:25Um, the, uh, So You're a Dancer, have you?
00:04:28It's our favorite show.
00:04:29Every time.
00:04:30I don't care.
00:04:31I am so relieved because I have been wondering what to do with all these tickets that are burning a hole in my pocket for the So You're a Dancer holiday tour coming to Houston tomorrow.
00:04:40And we are all going!
00:04:41Yeah!
00:04:42There you go, pal.
00:04:43All set?
00:04:44Thank you so much.
00:04:45Appreciate it.
00:04:47You got it from here?
00:04:48Got it from here.
00:04:49I'll take it.
00:04:50Hey.
00:04:51Did anyone find Barnaby?
00:04:53Who's Barnaby?
00:04:54Barnaby is the elf on the shelf who is hiding somewhere in or around this very house.
00:05:02And at night, he flies back to the North Pole and reports back to Santa on who's being naughty or nice.
00:05:08Yeah, we know how it works, Mom.
00:05:10We have an elf at home, too.
00:05:11His name is Sneaky Pete.
00:05:13Ew, Sneaky Pete.
00:05:14So creepy.
00:05:15Yeah.
00:05:16Sneaky is creepy.
00:05:17Okay.
00:05:18Go, go, go, go, go.
00:05:19Come on, guys.
00:05:20He's doing very well.
00:05:21You better hurry.
00:05:22Yay!
00:05:23So cute.
00:05:24Yeah, they are.
00:05:25It is so good to see you.
00:05:27Hey.
00:05:33Hot, hot, hot.
00:05:34Watch out.
00:05:35So how are you?
00:05:37I'm good, yeah.
00:05:38You know.
00:05:39Are you hungry?
00:05:40No, I'm okay.
00:05:41We have some carrots.
00:05:42Okay.
00:05:43Thanks.
00:05:44Tell me everything.
00:05:45My little girl.
00:05:46Weight of the world on her shoulders.
00:05:48Things are a little unhinged right now.
00:05:50No one warns you.
00:05:51How the older your kids get, the harder it is to have an informed opinion about their
00:05:55lives.
00:05:56That's so great.
00:05:57No, it's not great.
00:05:58It's just a never random murder mystery before.
00:06:00It's the trickiest thing I've ever tried to plot.
00:06:02I'm sure you will do a good job.
00:06:03You're so smart.
00:06:04I mean, you know, you just, you'll make something up.
00:06:07Oh, that reminds me.
00:06:08Um, I bumped into Julie Sager, and she said you never reached out to her daughter, Alyssa.
00:06:13I know.
00:06:14I know, because it didn't make any sense what you were asking.
00:06:18Alyssa writes about the stock market.
00:06:20I write novels.
00:06:21It's totally different.
00:06:23Well, okay.
00:06:24Well, could you at least send her one of those free copies?
00:06:28They're called galleys, and no, they're for trade reviewers.
00:06:31How do you know she's not one?
00:06:32Because she's not.
00:06:35Candles.
00:06:39You've got to smell these candles.
00:06:42Mom.
00:06:43That is the scent of dusk.
00:06:45Oh.
00:06:46Uh, Zazie Timms, you know Zazie.
00:06:48Well, she did a whole segment on them.
00:06:50They're called monochrome candles.
00:06:53It's a luxury aesthetic.
00:06:54I'm giving one of these to that Jean Wang Wasserman across the street.
00:06:58Well, I'm sure she'll love it, Mom.
00:07:04Thanks.
00:07:08Uncle Sammy's here!
00:07:09He's here!
00:07:10Uncle Sammy's here!
00:07:11Uncle Sammy's here!
00:07:12Uncle Sammy's here!
00:07:13We're gonna surprise him when he comes.
00:07:14Uncle Sammy's here!
00:07:15Sammy is the baby of the family.
00:07:18He lives in Portland with his soulmate, Maybel,
00:07:20who we are finally getting to meet.
00:07:22I'm not going.
00:07:23What? Why?
00:07:24For one, I want to go to Los Angeles to see my family.
00:07:26You see your family all the time.
00:07:28And two, I think we should break up.
00:07:29Okay.
00:07:30Is there a third thing?
00:07:32I know this is not what you expected.
00:07:33I can't believe you're doing this.
00:07:35We had sex last night.
00:07:36I don't really see how that's relevant.
00:07:37We had sex this morning.
00:07:39We're young, Sammy.
00:07:40That's what we do.
00:07:41But I'm in love with you, Maybel.
00:07:43And I think you are great, too.
00:07:45But I want more.
00:07:47What more could you possibly want?
00:07:49You don't have a job.
00:07:51I do have a job.
00:07:52A camp counselor?
00:07:53For three months of the year?
00:07:54What happened to the other nine?
00:07:55Maybel, listen to me.
00:07:56Maybel, listen to me.
00:07:57You're cool and fun and I just can't imagine my life without you.
00:08:00So, please.
00:08:01I'm begging you.
00:08:02Don't do this.
00:08:03Welcome Paul.
00:08:05Uncle Sam.
00:08:06Maybel, dump me.
00:08:07I'm a husk of my former self.
00:08:09I need a cinnamon roll.
00:08:10Sorry, Sam.
00:08:11Come on.
00:08:12Sweetie.
00:08:13Listen to me.
00:08:14You are wonderful and fantastic in every way.
00:08:17And if Maybel doesn't see that, well, that's her loss.
00:08:20Well, you don't know that.
00:08:21It's competitive out there.
00:08:22People have options these days.
00:08:24Exactly.
00:08:25Options.
00:08:26Get back out there.
00:08:27Meet new people.
00:08:28Soon a bunch tastes different.
00:08:29Like a pottery class.
00:08:30What's different about them?
00:08:31She's trying Zazzy recipes again.
00:08:33Why don't you go on one of those club med vacations for singles?
00:08:36Yeah.
00:08:37That or apply to grad school, you know, open a savings account.
00:08:40You know, take some time to work on you, Sammy.
00:08:42Taylor's here.
00:08:43Taylor's here.
00:08:44Taylor's here.
00:08:45Taylor is my middle child.
00:08:47Every year for the past 10 years, she's brought home a different woman for the holidays.
00:08:51And every year we act excited because we love her.
00:08:54And that's family.
00:08:55All right.
00:08:56All right, family.
00:08:57Hold up.
00:08:58Let me introduce you to someone very special to me.
00:09:01The most beautiful, best emcee in all of Minneapolis.
00:09:05Brr, brr, brr, brr, brr.
00:09:06My girlfriend, DJ Sweatpants.
00:09:11Oh, that's great.
00:09:12Also, you can call me DJ Sweatpants or Sweet Pea or even just Donna.
00:09:16Mm-hmm.
00:09:17I told y'all she was the best, huh?
00:09:18Welcome to Texas.
00:09:19Woo!
00:09:20Hi.
00:09:21I missed you guys.
00:09:22Hi.
00:09:23What's up?
00:09:24So nice to meet you.
00:09:25Hi, Channing.
00:09:26I miss you.
00:09:27I miss you.
00:09:30Wow.
00:09:31Wow.
00:09:32Claire!
00:09:33Let's see.
00:09:34Hi.
00:09:35Hi, Jean.
00:09:36Jean Wang Wasserman, my impossibly perfect neighbor.
00:09:39One of those people who make you feel like you're somehow always falling short.
00:09:42Merry Christmas!
00:09:43Ah, you remember my kids, right?
00:09:44Mm-hmm.
00:09:45Estrid, Elizabeth, Marcus, Gar, and his sweetheart, Diane.
00:09:49Of course.
00:09:50Hello.
00:09:51So nice to see you.
00:09:52Merry Christmas, Jeff.
00:09:53Nick.
00:09:54Merry Christmas.
00:09:55Merry Christmas.
00:09:56It is a Merry Christmas.
00:09:57I see you took my advice and went songs, Lonnie played about this year.
00:10:00I think I speak for everyone on the block when I say that we all really appreciate that you
00:10:05decided not to put on love this year.
00:10:07Oh, well, actually, I'm still in the decision-making process, so...
00:10:12Wow.
00:10:13Okay.
00:10:14I better let you all get to your dinner.
00:10:15Bye.
00:10:16Blessings!
00:10:17Bye.
00:10:18Blessings.
00:10:19Blessings, yeah.
00:10:20Blessings!
00:10:21Blessings!
00:10:22Blessings!
00:10:23Blessings!
00:10:24Blessings!
00:10:25Sammy, Doug, go get the lawn inflatables and the air pump out of the shed.
00:10:27Now.
00:10:28Speedwalk.
00:10:29Silent night.
00:10:30Holy night.
00:10:31All is calm.
00:10:32All is calm.
00:10:33All is bright.
00:10:34Round yon virgin.
00:10:35Virgin mother and child.
00:10:36Holy infant so tender.
00:10:37Silent night.
00:10:38Silent night.
00:10:39Holy night.
00:10:40Holy night.
00:10:41All is calm.
00:10:42All is calm.
00:10:43All is calm.
00:10:44All is bright.
00:10:45Round yon virgin.
00:10:46Virgin mother and child.
00:10:47Holy infant so tender and mild.
00:10:48So tender and mild.
00:10:49Sleep in heavenly peace.
00:10:50Oh.
00:10:51Oh.
00:10:52Oh.
00:10:53Oh.
00:10:54Oh.
00:10:55Oh.
00:10:56Oh.
00:10:57Oh.
00:10:58Oh.
00:10:59Oh.
00:11:00Oh.
00:11:01Oh.
00:11:02Oh.
00:11:03Oh.
00:11:04Oh.
00:11:05Oh.
00:11:06Oh.
00:11:07Oh.
00:11:08Oh.
00:11:09Oh.
00:11:10Oh.
00:11:11Oh.
00:11:12Oh.
00:11:13Oh.
00:11:14Oh.
00:11:15Oh.
00:11:16Oh.
00:11:17Oh.
00:11:18Oh.
00:11:19Oh.
00:11:20Oh.
00:11:21Oh.
00:11:22Oh.
00:11:23Oh.
00:11:24Oh.
00:11:25Oh.
00:11:26Oh.
00:11:27Oh.
00:11:28Oh.
00:11:29Oh.
00:11:30Oh.
00:11:31Oh.
00:11:32Oh.
00:11:33Oh.
00:11:34Oh.
00:11:35Oh.
00:11:36Oh.
00:11:37Oh.
00:11:38Oh.
00:11:39Oh.
00:11:40Oh.
00:11:41Oh.
00:11:42Oh.
00:11:43Oh.
00:11:44Oh.
00:11:45please I just clean that table I didn't realize mom's old wooden table was a
00:11:50family heirloom you snipped
00:11:59so Channing tells me you're getting into photography is that true uh I mean I
00:12:06guess I told her that I picked up like an old camera at a yard sale but that's
00:12:11so cool that's that's how it starts the old habit poor Doug he's an only child no
00:12:18natural defenses against my kids I keep expecting he'll build some up but at
00:12:21this point I don't know what it'll take yeah I don't know if she mentioned it
00:12:24but you know I'm uh was a bit of a shutterbug myself huh no no she never told
00:12:31me that you were a shutterbug yourself really funny she didn't tell you if you
00:12:36ever whatever if you ever want to talk about it I'm here to talk about it with
00:12:40two hey did I ever tell you I um um I kissed this guy in high school once and
00:12:47he I'm gonna go and get some more wine right now yeah
00:12:55so you're a shutterbug yeah yeah yeah yeah oh my god is that Taylor yeah she looks
00:13:04exactly the same there oh Sammy oh I didn't recognize him with his glasses on yeah
00:13:09and who's that oh that is um Taylor's old foreign exchange student friend Mia right
00:13:17hey mom Donna is a vegan and I forgot to tell you Taylor we're eating sirloin all right whatever you can make for her is totally fine like as long as it's vegan yeah
00:13:27hey mom don't mind me come on did you get the pepper news yes yes I did it's in the um uh just one second who's that Kate she was sweet and I don't mind me
00:13:49Mom, did you get the pepper news?
00:13:51Yes, yes, I did. It's in the, um, uh, just one second.
00:13:55Who's that?
00:13:56Kate.
00:13:56She was sweet.
00:13:57And, uh, she is?
00:13:59Oh, Isabel. I think her name was.
00:14:01Who is that?
00:14:02Patricia, also sweet.
00:14:04And who's that?
00:14:05That's, um, Rebecca.
00:14:06She's pretty.
00:14:07Yeah.
00:14:08Taylor didn't like her knees.
00:14:10Oh.
00:14:11But I bet your knees are very nice knees.
00:14:14Uh, yeah, I mean, they're just, they're normal knees.
00:14:18Pepper news.
00:14:20And that's Erin.
00:14:21She was very into conspiracy theories.
00:14:23Yeah, awesome.
00:14:24Thanks.
00:14:25Who can blame her?
00:14:26I mean, obviously, Taylor, who apparently broke up with her.
00:14:31Doug.
00:14:33Hey, hon.
00:14:34Do you know where the fire Huffer Puffy thing is?
00:14:36Oh, yeah, it's in the big basket behind the chair.
00:14:38Oh, great.
00:14:39Oh, there it is.
00:14:40Hey, Dad.
00:14:42Hey, Nick.
00:14:42Got the TV working, huh?
00:14:43Oh, wow.
00:14:45What's going on up there?
00:14:46You guys, uh, watching anything you like these days?
00:14:48Yeah, I only watch PBS documentaries.
00:14:50I watch regular TV.
00:14:51It's all junk.
00:14:52That's why I love the LPJ documentary that PBS did.
00:14:54Uh-huh.
00:14:54I mean, it's 18 hours.
00:14:56Woo-hoo.
00:14:56Hey, guys.
00:14:57All right.
00:14:58Hey, dinner's almost ready.
00:15:0020 minutes.
00:15:0120 minutes.
00:15:01What?
00:15:02Okay, 10.
00:15:0410.
00:15:04Sammy, play a little Christmas tune while we wait.
00:15:07A little holiday cheer.
00:15:08Yeah.
00:15:08Liven things up a bit.
00:15:09Come on, Sam.
00:15:10See, this is why you guys got to learn an instrument later.
00:15:14I know.
00:15:15Enjoy.
00:15:16You guys ready?
00:15:16Yeah.
00:15:17Let's go.
00:15:18Come on.
00:15:18Do it.
00:15:19On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me.
00:15:40And a partridge, a partridge, a partridge, a partridge, I never said I wanted a partridge in a pear tree.
00:16:10Oh, oh, oh.
00:16:14Dinner's ready.
00:16:15Hey.
00:16:16Come on, guys.
00:16:17You know how mom gets right after she calls us.
00:16:19Really good.
00:16:20Good job, son.
00:16:21Come on, guys.
00:16:21Come on, Sam.
00:16:22Last one's ready.
00:16:25Don't you guys want to hear the whole song?
00:16:26I would like to make a toast.
00:16:43Toast?
00:16:44Claire.
00:16:45Mom, sit down for the toast.
00:16:46Take a glass of wine.
00:16:47Come on.
00:16:47Come on.
00:16:48All right, but only for a minute.
00:16:51Everybody have something?
00:16:53Kids, you can use water.
00:16:54Oh, thank you so much, Dad.
00:16:57Claire, honey.
00:16:57The ones, you know, about Zazie.
00:16:59What?
00:17:00Claire.
00:17:00Yeah, probably.
00:17:01Honey, are you paying attention?
00:17:02Oh.
00:17:03Ready?
00:17:06I would like to make a toast to a very special person.
00:17:10Somebody that I think is the heart and soul of this operation.
00:17:14And somebody that I think embodies the true spirit of Christmas.
00:17:19Somebody that I really believe maintains the Christmas spirit.
00:17:24Somebody who just gives and gives selflessly.
00:17:26Why'd you go in the room?
00:17:27Some people might call this person a saint.
00:17:29And I'd agree, because it's Santa Claus.
00:17:32Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho.
00:17:34Ho, ho.
00:17:34Ho, ho.
00:17:35Merry Christmas, everybody.
00:17:37Ho, ho, ho.
00:17:38Merry Christmas.
00:17:39Ho, ho.
00:17:40Ho, ho, ho.
00:17:42Cheers.
00:17:42There we go.
00:17:43Cheers to Kris Pringle.
00:17:45Kris Pringle.
00:17:46Cheers to Santa Claus, everybody.
00:17:48Ho, ho.
00:17:48I'm sorry, but why does Saint Nick get all the credit?
00:17:54The elves make toys in their workshop, and the reindeers pull the sleigh.
00:17:58And nobody mentions what Mrs. Claus does.
00:18:01I told her I was a shutterbug.
00:18:03What am I, from the 1930s or something?
00:18:05It's like I forget how to have a normal human conversation with her.
00:18:07It's like, she's really cool and intimidating, and I just, sometimes I just think she doesn't like me.
00:18:11She's not that cool.
00:18:13I mean, guess who didn't order Mom's cheese of the month called Christmas present?
00:18:16No.
00:18:16She can't be trusted.
00:18:17So where's the cheese?
00:18:18No cheese.
00:18:25George Washington, The Legacy.
00:18:27A 40-hour PBS series where we will explore the mysteries of the founding father.
00:18:31Well, his teeth really wouldn't, the American maid, isn't it?
00:18:34How could she?
00:18:37No, no, no, no.
00:18:38Not with him.
00:18:39Look, I mean, it's really nice that she bought the tickets and everything, but she didn't even ask.
00:18:43The moves these dancers do, it's not really suitable for young kids.
00:18:47There's a, there's a lot of pelvic action.
00:18:49With kids?
00:18:50Yeah.
00:18:51I mean, should I, should I say we don't want to go?
00:18:54Well, the only thing you say is that, you know, you're not saying Mr. Betta's going to
00:18:57I don't want to be there at one time.
00:18:59I, I don't know if I, I want to say that.
00:19:07Betty, hi.
00:19:08Come on, let's get it.
00:19:09Oh, oh my God.
00:19:11Doug, you okay?
00:19:11Sneaky Pete's not creepy.
00:19:19Not at all.
00:19:21Barnaby is way creepier.
00:19:23That's like the name of a serial killer.
00:19:25Barnaby.
00:19:26My name's Barnaby.
00:19:28And I'm gonna kill you.
00:19:31My name's Barnaby.
00:19:34That's scary as heck.
00:19:36Barnaby!
00:19:36Barnaby!
00:19:41The one thing I really wanted for Christmas.
00:20:11And I couldn't even get it for myself.
00:20:19Frosty the snowman was a jolly happy soul.
00:20:23With a corncob back and a button nose.
00:20:26And two eyes made out of coal.
00:20:29Oh, Frosty the snowman is a fairy tale they say.
00:20:33Nick, are you up?
00:20:35Nick, are you up?
00:20:35Psst.
00:20:37Nick.
00:20:38Psst.
00:20:39Are you up?
00:20:41Hi, honey.
00:20:42You're awake.
00:20:43I wasn't sure if you were awake.
00:20:45Yeah.
00:20:48It's Christmas Eve.
00:20:51Can you believe it?
00:20:55Okay.
00:20:56Everything okay?
00:20:58No.
00:21:01I'm pouting.
00:21:04We missed the deadline to the Zazie contest.
00:21:07Oh.
00:21:08Poof.
00:21:09Gone.
00:21:09Oh, hon, I'm sorry.
00:21:11I wouldn't take it personally.
00:21:13I mean, they're our kids.
00:21:14You've met them, right?
00:21:15I really wanted that trip.
00:21:19I deserved that trip.
00:21:22I know, honey.
00:21:23I'm sorry.
00:21:24You know what?
00:21:25I'll take you on a trip.
00:21:27Okay?
00:21:27I'll take you.
00:21:29Take you on a trip someplace like we've never been before.
00:21:32You know, like Florence.
00:21:33Florence, Italy?
00:21:34He's so sweet, but he didn't make me feel any better.
00:21:38Can I tell you another place we could go?
00:21:39Boston, like where we first met.
00:21:40Like Fenway.
00:21:41Fenway Park.
00:21:41You never went there, honey.
00:21:43No, no.
00:21:43Not for baseball.
00:21:44Honey, they have concerts there.
00:21:45The Doobie Brothers are playing this summer.
00:21:51See you, Channing.
00:21:52Hold up.
00:21:53Hold up.
00:21:54Remember, we need to leave the house by noon at the latest if we're going to make it to the dance show on time.
00:21:58Okey-dokey.
00:21:59Morning.
00:21:59Hey.
00:22:09You like this sweater?
00:22:11It'll look okay on it.
00:22:12Yeah.
00:22:13What are you working on?
00:22:15On my book that I am writing that I get paid for.
00:22:19Gosh, don't you ever get a break?
00:22:21Surely your book people know it's Christmas.
00:22:25Damn it.
00:22:26A little something.
00:22:27Hi, Jane.
00:22:39Good morning, Claire.
00:22:41Happy Christmas Eve.
00:22:42Happy Christmas Eve to you.
00:22:44I was out on my walk and I figured I'd swing by and bring you a little something.
00:22:47Thank you, Jane.
00:22:48And I have a little something for you.
00:22:50Oh, you go first.
00:22:53No, you go first.
00:22:53You go first.
00:22:54I insist.
00:22:55I insist.
00:22:55Hi, Dean.
00:22:56Hi, Channing.
00:23:06It's a monochrome candle.
00:23:07That's what they're called.
00:23:09Is it beautiful?
00:23:10Smell it.
00:23:11That's right.
00:23:12Breathe in the dusk.
00:23:14Wow, it's lovely.
00:23:15So many wicks.
00:23:17I guess now I'll bring you a little something.
00:23:19Wait, stop.
00:23:20I just realized that's not yours.
00:23:23It has my name on it.
00:23:24Yeah, I have two friends named Jean and this is for the other one.
00:23:27Mom, you just showed me.
00:23:28And if it's okay with you, I'll just swing by a little later and give you your little something.
00:23:37Okay.
00:23:38Okay, okay.
00:23:38See you soon.
00:23:39Bye now.
00:23:39Blessings.
00:23:40Blessings.
00:23:43Oh, that was close.
00:23:44What was that?
00:23:44You have a gift for Jean.
00:23:45You made me stick my nose in it.
00:23:47I got her a one-wick candle.
00:23:50You can't give someone a one-wick candle who got you a three-wick candle.
00:23:53It's logic.
00:23:54Mom, I think it's fine.
00:23:55No, no.
00:23:56Get dressed.
00:23:56We're going to the mall.
00:23:57The mall?
00:23:58On Christmas Eve?
00:23:59Well, what about the show?
00:24:01The twins are so excited.
00:24:02We'll be quick.
00:24:03Come on.
00:24:04It'll be fun.
00:24:11Hi there.
00:24:12Welcome to Crate and Barrel.
00:24:13Hi.
00:24:13Do you have any candles with more than three wigs?
00:24:16More than three?
00:24:17It has to be more?
00:24:18Yes, of course.
00:24:19Well, candles are over there.
00:24:20Right by the...
00:24:22Potpourri.
00:24:24Sorry.
00:24:24All right, good point.
00:24:30Sorry.
00:24:30We're going to tighten these one-eighth-inch screws, then fit together the brace brackets
00:24:34with the eyelets, grommets, rivets, set spacers, and mini hex spacers.
00:24:39You know what I'm talking about.
00:24:40Easy stuff.
00:24:40Then we're going to tighten the plastic lattice panel.
00:24:44You should see that you have installed all 13 posts.
00:24:46Congratulations to you on that one.
00:24:48Now, in the next 27 steps...
00:24:50Hey, sleepyhead.
00:24:53How's it going?
00:24:54Everything cool?
00:24:54What's up?
00:24:55I don't know, man.
00:24:55I'm still kind of waking up.
00:24:57Yeah.
00:24:57Hey, where is everybody?
00:24:59Uh, Channing and your mom went to the mall, Nick's in the garage, and Sammy and DeeDee's
00:25:02wet pants went to play tennis.
00:25:04And I'm just here working on my world-famous Patel and Crunch.
00:25:07That's very...
00:25:07They don't even play tennis.
00:25:08What?
00:25:10Ugh.
00:25:12I, um, was curious.
00:25:16When did you know that you were going to make your life about hairstyling?
00:25:21How did you know that hairstyling was...
00:25:22Oh, you know, it's so crazy.
00:25:24Uh, I gotta go outside, because I usually do my morning meditation, and my sun salutations,
00:25:31but we'll catch up.
00:25:33I'll see ya.
00:25:33Okay.
00:25:36Okay.
00:25:38Guys.
00:25:38Hey, we get here on time.
00:25:40Thanks for coming, man.
00:25:40Yep.
00:25:41Merry Christmas.
00:25:42Hey, boss.
00:25:43Take a look at this.
00:25:44What you got?
00:25:44Believe this?
00:25:46All day.
00:25:48All day.
00:25:49I've been looking at this thing.
00:25:517,000 million pieces.
00:25:53We got you.
00:25:54I need part BP01.
00:25:56It's insanity.
00:25:57What are these?
00:25:57And why are there so many of them?
00:25:58The specs have to be off.
00:25:59You please.
00:26:00If we just put the stickers on it.
00:26:01That thing to solve everything?
00:26:02Putting stickers on everything?
00:26:02What is the slide?
00:26:03The slide goes from one room to the other, right there.
00:26:05That's how they slide into the pool.
00:26:06Yeah.
00:26:06Hey, honey.
00:26:14Hi.
00:26:15How's it going?
00:26:15Good.
00:26:16The kids?
00:26:16Huh?
00:26:16Are the kids okay?
00:26:17They're just doing kid stuff and hanging out.
00:26:19Great.
00:26:19And I'm just sort of sitting here, you know, cooking the pecans and just bombing with your
00:26:24sister as usual.
00:26:26Mom's driving me crazy and it's only the second day.
00:26:28Hmm.
00:26:29I can't keep doing it much longer.
00:26:31I think we really need to have to talk.
00:26:34It is up to me to break the cycle.
00:26:36Whoa.
00:26:36I know.
00:26:37It's scary.
00:26:38I have to do it.
00:26:40Okay, bye.
00:26:40Bye, her.
00:26:43Oh, the cat's away.
00:26:44The mice will play.
00:26:55Good night.
00:26:56Look at the slime.
00:26:59Oh, my God.
00:27:00It's so nice.
00:27:01Give me progress.
00:27:12We'll just go upstairs.
00:27:13Yeah.
00:27:13Good.
00:27:14That's amazing.
00:27:15Yeah.
00:27:16So when are you going to tell Donna?
00:27:17I don't know.
00:27:18I've got to figure out when I'm going to tell her.
00:27:24Hey.
00:27:27Hey, Mom.
00:27:29There's, um, there's something I've been wanting to talk to you about.
00:27:32Uh-huh.
00:27:33What's that?
00:27:34Well, Doug and I were thinking, rather, I was thinking, what if next year we did something
00:27:39else?
00:27:40What, what's that mean?
00:27:41Something else.
00:27:42I'm not following.
00:27:43What if we didn't come home for Christmas next year?
00:27:45What if we did our own thing?
00:27:47Like skiing.
00:27:48Skiing?
00:27:49You don't ski.
00:27:50That's my point.
00:27:50I mean, we don't have to do the same exact thing until we die.
00:27:53It's a lot, having us all home for the holidays.
00:27:55It might be easier on you if you didn't have all this to worry about.
00:27:58Oh, I see.
00:28:00So you're doing us a favor.
00:28:01Right.
00:28:01And the nice part is everyone can do something they actually want to do.
00:28:05I mean, Sammy is always saying he thinks Christmas is just a corporate holiday.
00:28:08And Taylor, wow.
00:28:10I assume these women she dates have families, too.
00:28:12And you and Dad could enjoy some quiet time.
00:28:14Yeah, just the two of you.
00:28:16What do you think?
00:28:17Hmm.
00:28:17I figured she'd already put down the deposit on the old folks' home.
00:28:20Sound nice?
00:28:21You know what I think?
00:28:22I think we better get looking for that candle.
00:28:25Okay.
00:28:26Fine, candle.
00:28:28I think I might be one of those people that peaked in the fourth grade.
00:28:31It's like, after the fourth grade, I just stopped being cool.
00:28:34I feel like a fruit roll-up.
00:28:35Honestly, Sammy, you just need to be true to yourself.
00:28:37You'll be fine.
00:28:38Yeah.
00:28:38That's good advice.
00:28:40Isn't that one of those neighbors from across the street?
00:28:42Yeah, it's one of Gene's kids.
00:28:45Her name's Elizabeth.
00:28:47We went to school together, like, forever.
00:28:49She's cute.
00:28:50Oh, yeah.
00:28:51Plus, she was, like, the best hurdler in the state of Texas our senior year and class president.
00:28:56She's basically perfect.
00:28:58So what about asking her out?
00:29:00Get back in the game.
00:29:02Elizabeth Wang Wasserman.
00:29:04That's hilarious.
00:29:05I doubt she remembers my name.
00:29:08Hi, Sammy.
00:29:11Hey.
00:29:12Oh, my God.
00:29:19Look at that.
00:29:20Careful.
00:29:22It's perfect.
00:29:25Oh, no, no, no, no.
00:29:26We are not waiting in the out.
00:29:28Mom?
00:29:29Mom?
00:29:31Mom?
00:29:31You can't just take that.
00:29:32Excuse me, ma'am.
00:29:32You have to pay for that.
00:29:34Happy holiday.
00:29:34You have to pay for that.
00:29:36Why are you doing that?
00:29:36I was just outside there.
00:29:38Can you go back to the kids' stuff?
00:29:40See you later.
00:29:40Yeah.
00:29:41Just gonna go.
00:29:42This is illegal.
00:29:44I'll come back and pay for it later.
00:29:46Mom, you cannot give Dean Wang Wasserman stolen goods for Christmas.
00:29:49Come on, Lady Wakefield.
00:29:50I don't want to alarm you, but those two mall cops are following us.
00:29:53But we can't.
00:29:53What do we do?
00:29:54Run.
00:29:55Ladies, hold.
00:29:56Oh, wow.
00:29:57Let's keep moving.
00:30:11Jenny, grab my keys.
00:30:12My keys.
00:30:13Where?
00:30:13They're in my bag.
00:30:14Where else would they be?
00:30:15I can't find them.
00:30:16Oh, my God.
00:30:16Are you evil-looking?
00:30:17What is wrong with you, kids?
00:30:18Where's the peanut butter?
00:30:19Where's my gym socks?
00:30:20How about right in front of your fu-
00:30:21Found him.
00:30:24Hi.
00:30:25Hi.
00:30:26How are you?
00:30:26I'm your brother-in-law.
00:30:27Okay.
00:30:28I'm gonna go to my room.
00:30:29Merry Christmas.
00:30:30You too.
00:30:40Oh, God.
00:30:43You want a party, lady?
00:30:45I'll party.
00:30:47Mom.
00:30:48Oh, my God.
00:30:50Settle down.
00:30:51Mom.
00:30:51You're gonna mess with the eagle.
00:30:53You gotta learn how to fly.
00:30:57Mom.
00:30:58Mom.
00:30:59Mom!
00:31:07All units.
00:31:08All units.
00:31:08They're multiplying.
00:31:16The pecan crunch.
00:31:17Ah!
00:31:18Okay.
00:31:18Get away.
00:31:18Get away.
00:31:19Get away.
00:31:19Get away.
00:31:19That was close.
00:31:36Oh, good.
00:31:37We're making a great time.
00:31:38Let's grab a little lunch when we get home
00:31:40and head out to the show.
00:31:41Why don't we get there early?
00:31:45We're going to be late for the dance show.
00:31:48Taylor, DJ Sweatpants.
00:31:49Hey, honey, what do you think?
00:31:50Hat or no hat?
00:31:51No hat, no hat.
00:31:52Honey, you haven't even seen it yet.
00:31:53Look, look.
00:31:53Kids, you go with your mom and dad
00:31:54and Taylor, DJ Sweatpants, will go in your car.
00:31:56Okay, I'm going to pull my car around.
00:31:57Here, take these in case we get separated.
00:31:59Which car am I going, Mom?
00:32:00Either one.
00:32:01Taylor, we're about ready to go.
00:32:02You don't want to get left behind.
00:32:03This could be the last Christmas.
00:32:05We all are together as a family, ever.
00:32:08What is going on with you?
00:32:08Why would you say that?
00:32:09Now everyone's going to think you're dying or something.
00:32:11Oh, no.
00:32:12Did I just blurt out something?
00:32:13Were we some alarming?
00:32:14Mom, we can just talk about it.
00:32:16Mom, you cannot give Dean Wang Wasserman
00:32:24stolen goods for Christmas.
00:32:27Damn it.
00:32:28A little something.
00:32:29I don't want to give you something.
00:32:36Doug.
00:32:38Doug, how many?
00:32:40How many tickets do you have?
00:32:41Doug, what are you taking?
00:32:43I have a one, two, three, four.
00:32:44Okay.
00:32:44No, I got five.
00:32:46I got five.
00:32:47No.
00:32:56We're leaving.
00:32:57See you there.
00:32:58Bye.
00:32:58See you there.
00:32:59Bye.
00:32:59Bye.
00:33:00Bye.
00:33:03Oh, hi.
00:33:04Claire.
00:33:04Hi, Jane.
00:33:05I just thought I'd pop by and drop off your little something.
00:33:07Here you go.
00:33:08Wait.
00:33:09Aren't you going to stay while I open it?
00:33:11Sure.
00:33:12Let's go, guys.
00:33:12First car already left.
00:33:13Come on, guys.
00:33:14Let's go.
00:33:14Let's go.
00:33:15Ready, ready, ready, ready.
00:33:16Let's go.
00:33:17I made it myself.
00:33:18Really?
00:33:19It looks just like the kind they sell at the store.
00:33:21It seems like you just dumped something out of a metal tin into this bag.
00:33:24No, I made it from scratch.
00:33:27From scratch, huh?
00:33:28Can you share the recipe with me?
00:33:30Sure.
00:33:30It's chocolate.
00:33:31It's chocolate.
00:33:33And then you just crunch up a shit ton of candy canes and you shake it all up like you're
00:33:37making shake and bake chicken.
00:33:39Now what?
00:33:40Then you eat it, Jane.
00:33:40Where is your family going?
00:33:43Where is your family going?
00:33:46Oh, my God.
00:34:16Oh, my God.
00:34:18Hello?
00:34:20Hello?
00:34:24Hello?
00:34:28Anybody here?
00:34:32Nick?
00:34:34Jenny?
00:34:36Okay.
00:34:38Jenny?
00:34:40Jenny?
00:34:44Hey, Taylor, where's Mom?
00:34:46Huh?
00:34:48Where is Mom?
00:34:50What?
00:34:52Forget it. I see her.
00:34:54Hey, Taylor, where's Mom?
00:34:56Huh?
00:34:58Where is Mom?
00:35:00What?
00:35:02Forget it. I see her.
00:35:04Forget it. I see her.
00:35:18Mom?
00:35:22Mom, I'm sorry about what I said before.
00:35:24I mean, not that I said it, but that I blurted it out like that.
00:35:27I...
00:35:28I should have been more grown up about it and asked to talk to you.
00:35:31It was inconsiderate, and I'm... I'm sorry.
00:35:34Oh.
00:35:36Oh.
00:35:37Oh.
00:35:42Right.
00:35:43Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the So You're the Answer holiday tour.
00:35:47Please!
00:35:59Damn. See, that's a jak.
00:36:07Hey, why?
00:36:11How darned did you go over there?
00:36:13No, baby, wasn't her?
00:36:14Where is she?
00:36:15I don't know.
00:36:16What do you mean you don't know?
00:36:17Well, she was in your car, right?
00:36:18No, she went with you.
00:36:19She wasn't in my car, she wasn't in your car.
00:36:20No, she was with you.
00:36:21Oh, my God.
00:36:22We gotta go.
00:36:23We gotta go.
00:36:24Hey, guys.
00:36:25Sam.
00:36:26Everybody.
00:36:27We gotta go.
00:36:38Hurry up, hurry up, hurry up.
00:36:45We gotta go.
00:36:50Hey, hey!
00:37:06Claire?
00:37:07Mom?
00:37:08Honey?
00:37:09Check the garage and downstairs too.
00:37:10Mom?
00:37:11Mom!
00:37:12We got you a promotional tote bag.
00:37:13And a water bottle.
00:37:14Hey, Mom!
00:37:15Anything? Anybody?
00:37:16Mom?
00:37:17I had nothing to do with it.
00:37:19Ow.
00:37:20Downstairs?
00:37:21No, no, no.
00:37:22Her car's gone.
00:37:3135 years of marriage, and I've never lost your mother, not once.
00:37:34I'm not sure that's quite the triumph that you think it is, Dad, but...
00:37:37congratulations.
00:37:38No need to lump us into your sinking ship, Dad.
00:37:40I mean, we're her kids. She has to love us.
00:37:41Sammy's right. You're less of a sure thing.
00:37:44No offense.
00:37:45Give her a little bit of time, and she'll come back.
00:37:47Taylor's right. She's making complete sense, okay?
00:37:50She's gonna come back, and when she does, we will just admit we screwed up, say we're sorry, we'll own it,
00:37:54and until that point, I want everybody to just suck it up and act like adults.
00:37:58I'm in charge now, and I just want rational thinking here, okay?
00:38:02Everybody just stay cool, calm, and what the hell am I talking about?
00:38:06I can't do anything without your mother.
00:38:07Dad?
00:38:08What are we gonna do? Is he gonna come back? Oh, my God.
00:38:10Dad?
00:38:11Need some water? You okay?
00:38:12Without your mother, I'm lost without her. What am I gonna do?
00:38:14Communication is the bottom to the answer.
00:38:17You've got another, and your hand is on the bone.
00:38:20The weather's turned, and all the lights are down, the things you do for love.
00:38:25I've walked in the rain, in the snow, and there's nowhere to...
00:38:30No way to...
00:38:31No way to...
00:38:38Hey, I got pee. You got pee, all right?
00:38:40I'll pipe it.
00:38:41Oh, it's cold. I need pee. I got you.
00:38:44So let me see if I got this straight.
00:38:46A grown woman got in her car with luggage and drove away from you.
00:38:50After you forgot her while going to an event she planned.
00:38:53Yep, that's what happened.
00:38:55Right. Look, we see this a lot with moms around the holidays.
00:38:59Next time, try a head count.
00:39:01You can give us another call if she's not back by New Year's.
00:39:06Merry Christmas.
00:39:08Bye.
00:39:13So, I got in my car, and now I'm here, sitting next to you, drinking a very strong cup of coffee.
00:39:21Being a parent is a wonderful gift, but...
00:39:23Mm-hmm, but where's the gift receipt?
00:39:25Excuse me, but I'd like to make an exchange, please.
00:39:28I'm not staying with you.
00:39:33Hold on a second, dear.
00:39:35Take my coat.
00:39:36No, no, no, no.
00:39:37I insist.
00:39:38My old mama will come back to life just to hunt me down if she...
00:39:41if she didn't want to let you go out there and freeze me like that, so...
00:39:46My pleasure, ma'am.
00:39:49I need to be worried about you.
00:39:51Well, nobody else is.
00:39:53Don't know why it ought to start with you.
00:39:56Isn't there anyone who knows what Christmas is all about?
00:39:59Sure, Charlie Brown, I can tell you what Christmas is all about.
00:40:05What the hell is that?
00:40:07The same thing we have every Christmas Eve.
00:40:09We're doing Christmas the way Mom planned it, okay?
00:40:11I followed the recipe that Mom wrote down to the letter, so...
00:40:14If there's a problem, you should take it up with Mom, because it's her fault.
00:40:18Not mine.
00:40:19Here we go again.
00:40:20What's that supposed to mean?
00:40:23Okay, uh...
00:40:24You try to distance yourself from Mom because your similarities to her trigger a deep-seated sense of insecurity inside of you that you've obviously yet to confront.
00:40:32First of all, if we're psychoanalyzing now, Taylor, you're a love addict who abandons any shred of responsibility every time you meet a new woman.
00:40:39Which is, let me check my calendar, oh, yeah, all the time.
00:40:42Geez, Channing, don't you think wrecking Christmas is enough for one year without destroying love, too?
00:40:46You think I screwed up Christmas?
00:40:48Uh, yeah, kind of.
00:40:49Get your life together, Sammy.
00:40:50Apply to grad school, Sammy.
00:40:52Newsflash, I got a mommy and a daddy.
00:40:53I don't need you jammed up my butt playing parent, too.
00:40:55Well, I'm sorry, but somebody's gotta be honest with you, because it sure as hell not gonna be Mom patting you on your head and stuffing cinnamon buns in your face and lying to you about how perfect you are!
00:41:03Are you gonna back me up here?
00:41:04Channing's kinda right.
00:41:05Mom babies you.
00:41:06It's weird.
00:41:07See how it is?
00:41:08Two against one, right?
00:41:09Alright, you wanna fight?
00:41:10Let's fight!
00:41:11Bring it on!
00:41:12Come on!
00:41:13You're not sitting or ketchup!
00:41:14Wait, wait, wait, wait!
00:41:15Stop, stop, stop!
00:41:16Everyone, stop.
00:41:17Lighten up.
00:41:18It's been a long day, okay?
00:41:19Let's all just take a deep breath, and go to a happy place, alright?
00:41:23I'll go first.
00:41:24Going to Corpus Christi.
00:41:25Great tubing.
00:41:26Feel better already.
00:41:27Taylor, your turn.
00:41:28Oh, my God!
00:41:29Doug!
00:41:30Shut up!
00:41:31Don't tell Doug to shut up!
00:41:32No one cares what you have to say!
00:41:36I try really hard to be your friend.
00:41:39But no matter what I do, it doesn't seem to be good enough,
00:41:42and I don't understand what the problem is.
00:41:43You're boring.
00:41:45I don't know if I'd say boring. Maybe I'd say dry, but...
00:41:48If small talk were a noun, it'd be you.
00:41:50Small talk is a noun.
00:41:51We get it. You write books now, so you think you're smarter than all of us.
00:41:53Well, guess what, Channing? Your books are too long.
00:41:55And some of your dialogues wouldn't.
00:41:57Wah-wah cries the man-baby whose girlfriend dumped him
00:41:59because he's eternally stuck at summer camp.
00:42:01You leave Camp Derryberry out of this!
00:42:04Donna! Taylor had another woman in her room today
00:42:06while you were out playing tennis with Sammy.
00:42:07I saw the whole thing!
00:42:08What is...?
00:42:09Donna, is that true?
00:42:10Oh, my God, it is true.
00:42:11I saw the whole thing.
00:42:12No, what are you doing?
00:42:13You're mean.
00:42:14What do you mean there was somebody in the room?
00:42:15No, no.
00:42:16Donna, that's not how that happened.
00:42:17She's completely misconstruing this.
00:42:18Listen, listen, let me tell you.
00:42:19No, she's mean. She had a woman.
00:42:20I mean, she wasn't in her business all the time.
00:42:21I would've told you!
00:42:22Hey!
00:42:23Enough!
00:42:24Everybody be quiet.
00:42:26Nobody utter another word.
00:42:31You know what?
00:42:32Thank you, everyone.
00:42:33This entire week has been the most memorably mortifying experience of my entire life.
00:42:39Accept her because she's a guest, but nobody else utter a word.
00:42:43God, no wonder you have no siblings.
00:42:45Loser.
00:42:46Donna!
00:42:47That's not how it works.
00:42:48You know what? Your mother's right.
00:42:49You can't do anything right.
00:42:50I should've gotten with her.
00:42:51Screw this.
00:42:52I'm going to the bar, I'm getting drunk, and I don't want to see any of you there!
00:42:55Sammy, you can't go to the bar.
00:42:56It's Christmas Eve.
00:42:57Oh, it's not.
00:42:58It's just another Tuesday without Mom here doing things for us.
00:43:00Do you want a ride?
00:43:01I got my bike.
00:43:02Oh, okay.
00:43:03God.
00:43:04Oh, damn it.
00:43:05Come on.
00:43:06Jesus.
00:43:07I was with my friend Geraldine, who is straight.
00:43:22She makes really great jewelry, and I had her make you a ring.
00:43:26And I was hoping I could propose to you with it.
00:43:31What?
00:43:32Come on, Donna.
00:43:33You can't listen to Doug.
00:43:34Nobody listens to Doug.
00:43:35He's like the weird family ghost that hangs around and haunts us all.
00:43:36But it's only been, like, three months.
00:43:37How could you possibly know how you feel?
00:43:38I have a gut feeling about us.
00:43:39A strong gut feeling.
00:43:40Here, I'm giving your brother relationship advice, saying, be true to yourself, Sammy.
00:43:41Meanwhile, I'm not being true to myself.
00:43:42The truth is, I'm...
00:43:43I'm...
00:43:44I'm not being true to myself.
00:43:45I'm not being true to myself.
00:43:46The truth is, I'm...
00:43:47I'm...
00:43:48I'm...
00:43:49I'm...
00:43:50I'm...
00:43:51I'm...
00:43:52I'm...
00:43:53I'm...
00:43:54I'm...
00:43:55I'm...
00:43:56I'm...
00:43:57I'm...
00:43:58I'm...
00:43:59I'm...
00:44:00I'm...
00:44:01I'm...
00:44:02I'm...
00:44:03I'm...
00:44:04I'm...
00:44:05I'm...
00:44:06I'm a DJ, but I hate staying up late at night.
00:44:07I'm a morning person.
00:44:08And...
00:44:09And I wanna...
00:44:10Date someone without feeling like I'm competing with the cast of an entire first episode of
00:44:14The Bachelor.
00:44:19I'm sorry, Taylor.
00:44:20I thought I could handle you, but...
00:44:23I can't.
00:44:29I can't.
00:44:30I can't.
00:44:31I can't.
00:44:32I can't.
00:44:33I can't.
00:44:34I can't.
00:44:35I can't.
00:44:36I can't.
00:44:37I can't.
00:44:38I can't.
00:44:39Hey, you forgot it?
00:44:40Yes, ma'am.
00:44:59I can't.
00:45:00I can't.
00:45:01I can't.
00:45:02I can't.
00:45:03I can't.
00:45:04I can't.
00:45:05I can't.
00:45:06Please.
00:45:07I'm exhausted.
00:45:08You sure you don't have one tiny little room open?
00:45:11No.
00:45:12Two.
00:45:13Two rooms.
00:45:14Two little rooms.
00:45:15Ma'am.
00:45:16Ma'am.
00:45:17I am a mother.
00:45:18It is Christmas Eve.
00:45:19Do you have any idea what that means?
00:45:20It means that I haven't slept for more than three hours in a row in over a week.
00:45:25I am a delivery driver on Christmas Eve.
00:45:27Do you have any idea what that means?
00:45:29I mean, jingle all the way, but your girl is tired.
00:45:32Okay.
00:45:33I always keep one room available.
00:45:36Just in case a big celebrity like Ryan Seacrest show up.
00:45:39But for you, I'll make a nice session.
00:45:44Oh, thank you.
00:45:45Go, go.
00:45:46You mean to share that?
00:45:47You mean to share it?
00:45:48Then?
00:45:51Well, I will if you will.
00:45:57Hey, hon.
00:45:58Hey.
00:45:59Mind if I join you?
00:46:00No.
00:46:01How are you doing?
00:46:02Okay.
00:46:03Did I ever tell you the story about how me and your mom first met?
00:46:04Yes.
00:46:05Like a thousand times.
00:46:06Oh.
00:46:07But I want to hear it again.
00:46:08Oh, yeah?
00:46:09Okay.
00:46:10So, I was working as a stock boy in this Boston pub called...
00:46:16Hammer Hands.
00:46:17Hammer Hands.
00:46:18Correct.
00:46:19And I'm- I was such an obnoxious kid.
00:46:22I just thought I knew everything.
00:46:23I was always mouthing off and always getting my ass kicked.
00:46:38And this particular night, I had a big juicy shine.
00:46:41I mean, this whole side of my face looked like some kind of swollen ham,
00:46:46And I'm carrying two cases of paper towels into the cellar,
00:46:49and I pass the most beautiful girl I've ever seen in my life.
00:46:54And she takes one look at me, and she said...
00:46:56You remind me of a Picasso.
00:46:58Exactly.
00:47:00You know, for a second, I'm like, who's this Picasso guy?
00:47:02I want to find him, peep the crap out of him.
00:47:05And then I look into those eyes, and I'm just like...
00:47:09I was done.
00:47:10I was done in that very moment.
00:47:13And the truth is, without her,
00:47:16I'd probably still be stocking paper towels at Hanrains.
00:47:23Okay, baby, it's all right.
00:47:29Dad?
00:47:30What?
00:47:31Is that Jean?
00:47:35She's smoking a cigarette.
00:47:36Oh, my God.
00:47:38Your mother would kill to see this.
00:47:43Where do you think she could be?
00:47:47I don't know, honey.
00:47:52What's your deal, lady?
00:47:54You forget your kid at home in your mansion,
00:47:56and now you're on some crazy cross-country journey
00:47:58to make sure you make it back to him in time for Christmas.
00:48:01Yeah, right.
00:48:02No.
00:48:03Believe me,
00:48:05I'm trying to get as far away from my family as possible.
00:48:08Mm.
00:48:09What about you?
00:48:11What about me?
00:48:12Where's your family?
00:48:13You got any plans for Christmas?
00:48:15Lady.
00:48:17I'm working.
00:48:18Oh, right, of course.
00:48:19I'm sorry.
00:48:20Are you kidding me?
00:48:21I love it.
00:48:23I got my true crime podcast.
00:48:24I got my solitude.
00:48:26I even got to see the Grand Canyon,
00:48:28the Carlsbad Caverns,
00:48:29and the world's largest pistachio all in a month.
00:48:32And I got me some good selfies.
00:48:34Come on, now.
00:48:34Where'd they do that at?
00:48:35Oh, grr.
00:48:36Mm-hmm.
00:48:40Um, thank God for a Shark Tank.
00:48:43I mean, they ain't rag on Mr. Wonderful,
00:48:44but he's actually got a heart of gold.
00:48:46Mm.
00:48:47Hey, it's midnight.
00:48:51It's Christmas.
00:48:52Merry Christmas, lady.
00:48:54Merry Christmas.
00:48:55Good night.
00:48:56Good night.
00:48:58Oh, I'm tired.
00:49:00Oh.
00:49:01Come on, Christmas Eve.
00:49:18Merry Christmas.
00:49:20Merry Christmas.
00:49:22Merry Christmas.
00:49:24Merry Christmas.
00:49:25Merry Christmas.
00:49:26Merry Christmas.
00:49:27Merry Christmas.
00:49:28Merry Christmas.
00:49:29Merry Christmas.
00:49:30I, uh, I have trouble falling to sleep.
00:49:41I like to keep the TV on.
00:49:43Just hearing the voices just keeps me company.
00:49:45It helps me sleep. I hope you don't mind.
00:49:47No, no, that's fine.
00:49:48Okay. Good night.
00:49:51Okay.
00:49:54I need it kind of loud.
00:50:00How about you do $200,000, you make 50% of the profit.
00:50:03But once you get your money back, you drop down to 10% and that remains your equity.
00:50:06Are those under our currently model?
00:50:08Is that Wales?
00:50:09Yep. It's for relaxation. I had to play that, too.
00:50:12It helps under blood pressure.
00:50:16Well, well, well.
00:50:17Elizabeth Wang Wasser, as I live and breathe.
00:50:20Lizzie. No one calls me Elizabeth anymore except for my parents.
00:50:23Okay, Lizzie. Is this seat taken?
00:50:28So.
00:50:30Dive bar. Christmas Eve.
00:50:32You needed a break from your mom.
00:50:34Good old cardigan queen jean.
00:50:36Yep.
00:50:37She makes my mom go mental.
00:50:39Care Bear Claire has a similar effect.
00:50:41Care Bear Claire?
00:50:43Yeah, women get wild when they get old.
00:50:45Can't wait to see what kind of psycho bitch I turn into.
00:50:48It's gonna be sick.
00:50:49You know, this is the longest conversation you and I have ever had, despite being in the same class as the third grade.
00:50:56First, actually.
00:50:58First what?
00:51:00First grade.
00:51:00You sat behind me.
00:51:03You have one of those horrible, like, turtlenecks that's just a bib, and if you don't, it's not attached to anything, you just push it in this letter.
00:51:08A dickie?
00:51:09What?
00:51:09The little turtleneck things, they're called dickies.
00:51:12It's a really unfortunate name for a really unfortunate accessory.
00:51:15I loved that accessory.
00:51:17I loved that accessory.
00:51:45I loved it.
00:52:15Oh, my God, I love this song.
00:52:20I love this song.
00:52:21Do you know this song?
00:52:21Yeah, of course.
00:52:22Who doesn't know this song?
00:52:23I love this song.
00:52:24It's funny how I found myself.
00:52:27Oh, my God.
00:52:28Please dance with me.
00:52:29Please, please, please.
00:52:30It's Christmas Eve.
00:52:31Oh, my God.
00:52:33Oh, my God.
00:52:36If I could buy my breezy land, I'd pay to lose.
00:52:45And when life won't do.
00:52:51When I ask myself, how much do you?
00:52:57I could make yourself.
00:53:00Oh, it's my life.
00:53:03Don't you forget.
00:53:05It's my life.
00:53:08It never ends.
00:53:09Oh, my God.
00:53:34Are you kidding me?
00:53:40Hey! Hey!
00:53:45No! Stop!
00:53:47Dash won't feel the smoke.
00:53:49Paws open.
00:53:53Can I help you?
00:53:54Did you not see me in there?
00:53:56I was in the car that you towed.
00:53:58I'm sorry, ma'am. Rules are rules.
00:54:00Here. You want some cash? I can give you cash.
00:54:02Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
00:54:02Keep your blood money, lady.
00:54:04You parked in a yellow stripe zone.
00:54:06Striped like that for a reason.
00:54:07Now you can take it up with the parking bureau Monday morning.
00:54:09No, please. I can't wait till Monday.
00:54:11There's nothing I can do.
00:54:12Once those wheels leave the ground, out of my jurisdiction.
00:54:15Now you have a very merry Christmas, okay?
00:54:18Can I at least get my thing?
00:54:19Thanks.
00:54:40So, this year for Christmas, I got a 76 AMC Pacer.
00:55:02But what did I really want?
00:55:07The snow is falling down
00:55:18It's colder day by day
00:55:21I miss you
00:55:23A heart will seem
00:55:28It felt like Christmas time
00:55:32It must be Christmas time
00:55:37Okay, here we come.
00:55:56Hey, Taylor, move that stuff up.
00:55:57This is something that Santa brought special for you guys.
00:56:01Ready?
00:56:02Three, two, one.
00:56:04Yeah!
00:56:06There it is.
00:56:07Cool.
00:56:10What is it, Grandpa Nick?
00:56:13What do you mean, what is it, kid?
00:56:14It's a friggin' dream house.
00:56:15What happened to the roof?
00:56:23Oh.
00:56:24Oh, jeez.
00:56:28Forget it.
00:56:29Who's next?
00:56:30Come on, Taylor.
00:56:31You're up.
00:56:33Nah, I'm good.
00:56:34Fine.
00:56:35I'll do it.
00:56:36I'll be the elf.
00:56:37Mom's usually the elf?
00:56:38Yeah, but Mom's not here, so you got me.
00:56:40Right.
00:56:41This one is from Doug.
00:56:44Aw.
00:56:45Is it the last 24 hours of my life back?
00:56:47Oh, wait.
00:56:48Is my girlfriend in there?
00:56:49There's something I got for you that I thought you'd like.
00:56:51It's a T-shirt.
00:56:52Oh.
00:56:54Dad, your turn.
00:57:03Do you want a present?
00:57:04I'm not opening any presents until your mother gets back.
00:57:07That sticks to my stomach.
00:57:08Can you guys please just at least, you know, try to get it together?
00:57:11Yeah, you know?
00:57:12I mean, Christmas, it's supposed to be fun.
00:57:14Do you know how few Christmases we get in life?
00:57:15With this group of people?
00:57:17I mean, it's a finite number.
00:57:18Where's Sammy?
00:57:19I mean, is he gonna sleep all morning?
00:57:22Sammy?
00:57:22He's not in his room.
00:57:24You gotta be kidding me.
00:57:25We lost another one?
00:57:26I could be mistaken, but is that Sammy's bike in the wing watching the front yard?
00:57:30Where?
00:57:30Oh, my God.
00:57:41Maybe it's true what they say about us.
00:57:45Maybe we can't make the ends meet.
00:57:49Maybe we'll all have to do without.
00:57:52Maybe this world's just incomplete.
00:57:54Maybe we'll all have to do without.
00:58:00Can I help you?
00:58:01Yes, I'm here for the Zazie Tim show taping.
00:58:05Are you a VIP?
00:58:06This is the VIP entrance.
00:58:07Uh, no.
00:58:09Um, I'm just...
00:58:10Okay, so you're gonna have to come through here and circle back around.
00:58:12All right, this is the VIP only entrance.
00:58:13You're gonna want to go over to General Admission and re-enter there.
00:58:15That's gate number two.
00:58:16Okay.
00:58:49And welcome back for this very spectacular, very extraordinary Christmas episode.
00:59:03You know, we've been doing the Zazie Christmas special for five years now?
00:59:06That's right, five years!
00:59:08And what makes it such a special tradition in my heart is you, our audience, which is
00:59:14why every member of the audience will be going home today with a beautiful monochrome candle!
00:59:20But first, you've sent in your video, submitted your nominations, a record number of applications
00:59:28this year.
00:59:298,000!
00:59:30Can you believe that?
00:59:31Yes!
00:59:32Yes!
00:59:328,000 caring, generous mothers who were all so deserving.
00:59:38Yes!
00:59:40We heard stories of moms from Pasadena all the way to Nairobi.
00:59:44People could not tell us enough good things about their mamas.
00:59:47And we can't wait to meet them.
00:59:48Sure.
00:59:49Here on stage, we're gonna have a mom who adopted 19 children!
00:59:51Yeah, she's got her hands full.
00:59:54And, uh, we also have another...
00:59:56Dad.
00:59:57Hey!
00:59:58Merry Christmas.
00:59:59Here for Sammy?
01:00:00Yeah.
01:00:00Yeah.
01:00:01You can come in.
01:00:02Oh, done.
01:00:06Good tidings.
01:00:07Hi.
01:00:13Unbelievable.
01:00:14Sammy, get up!
01:00:16I'm going to get this house.
01:00:17Nicholas Samuel, Derwin Closter III.
01:00:20Get your B-U-T-T out of this house before I kick it there.
01:00:24Sammy!
01:00:25Sammy!
01:00:27Stop!
01:00:31Sammy, go!
01:00:32Let's go, let's go!
01:00:33Come on!
01:00:33Just...
01:00:34We got him!
01:00:37Okay.
01:00:38Oh, your home is so beautiful!
01:00:42Look, it's...
01:00:42It's Azzy.
01:00:43Mom's favorite show.
01:00:45...of applications this year.
01:00:46Guess how many?
01:00:47Wait.
01:00:478,000 applications!
01:00:49The Holiday Mom Contest.
01:00:50She's been texting and emailing me about this for weeks.
01:00:52I do.
01:00:53Same here.
01:00:54I never responded, did you?
01:00:56No, we didn't.
01:00:57Did I?
01:00:57Without further ado, let's give a warm, zappy round of applause...
01:00:59None of us responded.
01:01:00...to the fabulous winners...
01:01:02...of the Holiday Mom Contest!
01:01:05Oh, my God!
01:01:06Oh, my God!
01:01:06Come on!
01:01:07We got this!
01:01:08Come on!
01:01:08Dance your heart out!
01:01:09Let's go!
01:01:09Let's go!
01:01:10Let's go!
01:01:10Let's go!
01:01:10Let's go!
01:01:11Let's go!
01:01:11Let's go!
01:01:12Let's go!
01:01:12Let's go!
01:01:13Let's go!
01:01:13Let's go!
01:01:14Let's go!
01:01:15Let's go!
01:01:16Let's go!
01:01:17Let's go!
01:01:18Oh, my God!
01:01:19Oh, my God!
01:01:20Oh, my God!
01:01:21Oh, my God!
01:01:22How did you guys get here?
01:01:23What did Mama leave you here?
01:01:24You're in it.
01:01:25Who Mama did you do?
01:01:26Oh, my God!
01:01:27Oh, my God, that's Mama.
01:01:29I told her not to go off those hormones.
01:01:32Jess?
01:01:33Uh, Jess.
01:01:34Who's that woman doing the cabbage patch and weaving to Kimma, too?
01:01:38I don't know.
01:01:40I'm going to check.
01:01:41I'm going to check.
01:01:43My children?
01:01:44Oh, my God!
01:01:45She's at 19 children!
01:01:46Who nominated you, honey?
01:01:47Oh, my God!
01:01:48We're so sweet!
01:01:49Oh, her son!
01:01:50Her son!
01:01:51Who nominated you?
01:01:52I love you, husband.
01:01:53Oh, your husband would love you!
01:01:54Where'd she get that jacket?
01:01:55You think she let me borrow it?
01:01:57Wow.
01:01:58Your mama's a great dancer.
01:01:59Hey.
01:02:00Last night.
01:02:01Did me, huh?
01:02:02I can't decide if she's an icon or a train wreck.
01:02:04Icon?
01:02:05No.
01:02:06You got so drunk and you threw up in my shoe and then I had to walk you on your bike home
01:02:08ten blocks.
01:02:09Oh.
01:02:10Oh, wow!
01:02:11Oh, I'm really here.
01:02:13It's really you.
01:02:14Woo!
01:02:15Hi!
01:02:16So how did you get here?
01:02:17Oh, oh, gosh.
01:02:18Um, uh, well, the short answer is that I tried to get my kids to nominate me for the holiday
01:02:24moms contest and, well, they blew that off.
01:02:26And then, um, I got my whole family tickets to a dance show and they forgot me.
01:02:31Oh, my God.
01:02:32Yeah, I just, I just got in my car and said, fuck it.
01:02:35Whoa!
01:02:40She'll be here in a minute.
01:02:44Oh, you got her.
01:02:45Glad that's over.
01:02:46Oy vey.
01:02:47We did it.
01:02:48Great show, Susie.
01:02:49Awesome.
01:02:50Ah, it's Cameron, right?
01:02:51Uh, actually, it's Claire.
01:02:52Do you know why I started the holiday mom special?
01:02:55Was it to...
01:02:57It's your...
01:02:58Because I've been buying myself Christmas gifts for the last month.
01:03:00Oh.
01:03:01Just so that I could have something to open, while my family tears into the gifts I bought
01:03:05them like a pack of coked-up howler monkeys.
01:03:08You know what my husband got me last year?
01:03:10An upholstery cleaner.
01:03:11Yeah.
01:03:12And my son, he got me, uh, oh, an autographed basketball by one of the Harlem Globetrotters.
01:03:18Not even the lady one.
01:03:19I would've liked that.
01:03:20Yeah.
01:03:21Oh, and my daughter made me pancakes.
01:03:22Oh, well, that's sweet.
01:03:23I hate pancakes.
01:03:24And she knows that.
01:03:25Oh.
01:03:26So I thought, why not get the things I actually want, you know?
01:03:29So now I play Santa to myself.
01:03:31Same.
01:03:32My stocking looks like a limp penis.
01:03:34So depressing.
01:03:35It just hangs there.
01:03:36No love or family just lets it dangle there.
01:03:38Oh.
01:03:39Yeah.
01:03:40And we can admit that, you know?
01:03:41But let me tell you something else.
01:03:42Here, I'm a boss bitch.
01:03:44Yes, you are!
01:03:45But at home, I'm everybody's bitch.
01:03:46We're all just little bitches.
01:03:48But what you did was spectacular.
01:03:51They never turn off a light.
01:03:53Never.
01:03:54They can't close the fridge door.
01:03:55They can't close any door.
01:03:56They let all the bugs in.
01:03:57Mm-hmm.
01:03:58They come home, and it's like, why is so much toothpaste everywhere?
01:04:00And glabs and glue.
01:04:01It's disgusting.
01:04:02I use my fingernail.
01:04:03My husband always tells me, don't worry.
01:04:05It'll all get done.
01:04:06It always does.
01:04:07And I tell him, yes, I know it does.
01:04:09Because I do it.
01:04:10Mm-hmm.
01:04:11That's right.
01:04:12Because you do it.
01:04:13Uh-huh.
01:04:14I got four kids.
01:04:15I carried them.
01:04:16I birthed them.
01:04:17I fed them.
01:04:18You know?
01:04:19I've had one partially successful vaginoplasty.
01:04:20And I bug them.
01:04:21You know why?
01:04:22Because that's the score.
01:04:23Mm-hmm.
01:04:24That's the score.
01:04:25Damn.
01:04:26Oh, that's tight.
01:04:28What, my vagina or the metaphor?
01:04:30Whole situation.
01:04:43Yeah!
01:04:44Yeah!
01:04:45Yeah!
01:04:46Yeah!
01:04:47Yeah!
01:04:48Yeah!
01:04:49Yeah!
01:05:00Mazel delivery drivers, we hope you get to sleep in tomorrow.
01:05:03On that note, it's time for my Mazel of the week.
01:05:05And this one goes out to a mom who made her big broadcasting debut.
01:05:09It's the Houston mother who drove through the night just to appear on the Zazzy Tim show.
01:05:14I don't know if you guys saw this video, but I cannot stop watching it.
01:05:17She put on an impromptu dance show.
01:05:19And for that, Claire Clouster, you are Mazel of the week.
01:05:39I just wanted to say that I'm sorry.
01:05:43I want to talk about it.
01:05:45What do I say to her talk about?
01:05:47Mom's gone.
01:05:48Janie thinks I'm an irresponsible love addict.
01:05:49And you, you told the love of my life that I cheated on her.
01:05:52After which she walked out on me.
01:05:53Forever.
01:05:54So no, Doug, I don't really feel like talking to you right now.
01:05:57You said I was boring.
01:05:59I had to defend myself.
01:06:00You can't hate me forever.
01:06:02Family forgives.
01:06:03No matter what.
01:06:05I'm sorry I called you a man baby.
01:06:07It was mean.
01:06:08I'm sorry that I said your books are too long.
01:06:09That's not true.
01:06:10They're just the right size.
01:06:11And the dialogue wouldn't?
01:06:12Hm?
01:06:13You said too long and the dialogue is wouldn't.
01:06:15Do you remember?
01:06:16Yeah.
01:06:17And I just said they're not too long at all.
01:06:19Just the right length.
01:06:46Don't you know that I love you?
01:06:54Sometimes I feel like...
01:06:57Janie?
01:06:58You think I'm gonna end up alone?
01:07:00No.
01:07:01You've got us.
01:07:02Yeah.
01:07:03So you all forget me on the side of the road like your own mother.
01:07:05Oh, God.
01:07:06We really can't be the worst.
01:07:13Oh, you all right?
01:07:15Great heads.
01:07:16Yes.
01:07:17Yes, that's it.
01:07:18You got it.
01:07:19Yeah, that's it.
01:07:20Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:07:21Yeah, yeah, yes, yes, yes.
01:07:23Oh, my God.
01:07:25Fantastic.
01:07:26$63,100.
01:07:28Oh, my God.
01:07:29Congratulations.
01:07:30Oh, my God.
01:07:31What?
01:07:32Okay, car leaves in 30 minutes.
01:07:34Hey.
01:07:35Who are you?
01:07:36I'm Trey from the Dazzy Tim show.
01:07:38Oh, you do not look ready yet.
01:07:39Oh, look, please come in.
01:07:40The car leaves in 30 minutes and we really gotta move.
01:07:42I doubt she has shoes.
01:07:43So if we could please get those Jimmy's shoes on her.
01:07:46Fix the stuff in her hair.
01:07:47It's kind of...
01:07:48What's all...
01:07:49What's going on?
01:07:50Did you not check your phone?
01:07:52Zazzy wants you back on the show today.
01:07:55Happy Boxing Day.
01:07:56Have we got a great show for you.
01:07:58We have a live in studio performance by the incredible band The Bird and the Bee.
01:08:02And Emeril Lagasse is back to show us how to make a gumbo that'll kick us right into the new year.
01:08:07But first, by popular demand, we are bringing back the most relatable mama in America, Claire Clouster.
01:08:13Great to see you again.
01:08:16Great to see you too, Zazzy.
01:08:18Now, for those of you just tuning in, Claire's family forgot her on Christmas Eve.
01:08:23Can you believe that?
01:08:24But the funny thing is, a lot of women have connected to your story.
01:08:27Can you tell me why that is?
01:08:29I bet a lot of women probably feel overlooked, Zazzy.
01:08:35Unappreciated.
01:08:36That's right.
01:08:37Taken for granted.
01:08:38You know, that's pretty much year round.
01:08:41I'd say during the holidays, most of all.
01:08:44You know, it's just all the behind the scenes stuff that moms do so that everyone can have a good time.
01:08:49It's a lot of work to have fun.
01:08:51And somebody's got to do that work.
01:08:53And, well, most of them just don't want to do it.
01:08:57And, you know, they just don't want to step up.
01:09:00So true.
01:09:01You know who steps up?
01:09:03Moms.
01:09:04Moms.
01:09:05Moms.
01:09:06And I miss my mom so much.
01:09:09And I really wish that instead of rolling my eyes, thinking she was silly, that I just said those three little words that mean so much to moms.
01:09:20I love you.
01:09:22Can I help?
01:09:23Oh, my God.
01:09:24And then I'd just give her a big bear hug while I still had the chance.
01:09:27Because, you know, all she was trying to do was make things joyous for us.
01:09:31And there is nothing silly about joy.
01:09:35Wow.
01:09:36Well, that was so beautiful, Carmen.
01:09:39But, Claire.
01:09:40But guess what?
01:09:41We are not done yet.
01:09:42Because we have an in-studio surprise.
01:09:44Azazie Tim's exclusive.
01:09:45They've traveled through the night, and we convinced them to come on the show.
01:09:48A group of people, I think we can all agree, owe you a big, huge apology!
01:09:53Hey!
01:09:54I'm sorry you didn't see you!
01:09:55Hey, hon!
01:09:56Hi!
01:09:57Hey!
01:09:58How are you?
01:09:59I'm so sweet.
01:10:00I love your family!
01:10:01I love your family!
01:10:02Hey!
01:10:03We're sorry.
01:10:06Reunited right here on the show.
01:10:08Don't go away.
01:10:09When we're back, we've got the bird and the bee.
01:10:11And catch a commercial!
01:10:12Back in five!
01:10:13Hi!
01:10:14Good job, family!
01:10:17I'm so sorry about this whole thing.
01:10:18Well, it was nice seeing you all.
01:10:20Enjoy the sun if you're into that sort of thing.
01:10:22Where are you going, hon?
01:10:23This has been a nice little publicity stunt and all.
01:10:25But what's really changed?
01:10:27I'm sorry you came all this way, but Mom's closed up shop.
01:10:30For good.
01:10:31Peace out, y'all.
01:10:33Is she allowed to do that?
01:10:34I don't know.
01:10:35I think she's just...
01:10:36Hon?
01:10:37Mom?
01:10:38Mom?
01:10:39What is going on?
01:10:41I just...
01:10:42I wasn't expecting that, you know?
01:10:44I know.
01:10:45They reached out to us.
01:10:46It was all very last minute.
01:10:47We were going for grand gesture.
01:10:48Yeah, well, I don't know.
01:10:49Maybe I'm just not quite done being mad yet.
01:10:52I get that.
01:10:53The last three days have been a lot.
01:10:56I know.
01:10:57For us, too.
01:10:58You're right.
01:10:59We didn't support you.
01:11:01You asked us to do this one thing for you,
01:11:02and we completely ignored it, which is terrible.
01:11:04I mean, it's unforgivable.
01:11:06And I'm...
01:11:07I'm so sorry, truly.
01:11:08And I know that what I said about doing the holidays separately next year,
01:11:12it hurt your feelings.
01:11:13And I'm sorry about that, too.
01:11:15But...
01:11:16Well, sometimes I want to have my own special traditions.
01:11:19With my family, you know?
01:11:21Is that so wrong?
01:11:23No, honey.
01:11:25There's nothing wrong with that at all.
01:11:27It's just that...
01:11:29Sometimes...
01:11:32I feel like you don't support me either.
01:11:35And I...
01:11:36I just had to say that.
01:11:41It's like you're so in awe of Taylor.
01:11:45I mean...
01:11:46I mean, we all are.
01:11:47And...
01:11:48You still act like Sammy is a baby.
01:11:50Don't get me wrong.
01:11:51I'm glad.
01:11:52But I have a family and a career I love.
01:11:55And I'm actually doing pretty okay in it.
01:11:57You just brush right over all of it.
01:12:02Like it...
01:12:03Doesn't even matter.
01:12:05I think maybe subconsciously, if you...
01:12:07If you weren't gonna be impressed by me,
01:12:09then I wasn't gonna be impressed by you.
01:12:11The truth is...
01:12:14Your...
01:12:15Your opinion means...
01:12:16It means more to me than anything.
01:12:20Anything.
01:12:23My little bean.
01:12:26I am so impressed with you.
01:12:28There aren't even words.
01:12:32I don't know.
01:12:33Maybe I'm...
01:12:34I'm afraid of...
01:12:35Um...
01:12:36If I tell you that...
01:12:37That...
01:12:38If I let the cat out of the bag...
01:12:39That...
01:12:41Then you'll know...
01:12:42That you don't need me...
01:12:43Anymore.
01:12:46And I'll lose you.
01:12:47Yeah, maybe that's it.
01:12:48I think that's what it is.
01:12:49I think that's...
01:12:50My biggest fear.
01:12:51And maybe...
01:12:52I'm always gonna need you...
01:12:54To need me.
01:12:55Just...
01:12:56A tiny little bit.
01:12:58Is that so wrong?
01:13:02You'll never lose me, Mom.
01:13:05I'm sorry.
01:13:11Honey?
01:13:12You there?
01:13:13Honey, you in there?
01:13:28Too many broken hearts are falling in the river.
01:13:31Too many lonely souls after dinner to see.
01:13:35You're in there.
01:13:36Honey, I was so scared.
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