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Reality Realm US
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Short filmTranscript
00:00When my sisters invaded my brother's bedroom, that's how real wars sometimes start, too.
00:04One nation invades another country and tries to take it over.
00:08Of course, some of history's invasions went better than others.
00:12CHUCK!
00:15It started with the Spanish Armada.
00:18That huge amount of ships that we sent against the English, I think we made them mad.
00:24It did. It made them so mad, it led to...
00:28The Lesser Known Armada.
00:30Try and invade us, will you, Spain?
00:32For now, it's payment time.
00:36So, Francis Drake...
00:37Your march?
00:39Unleash the English Armada.
00:43You had me unleash the aim.
00:48The English Armada, led by Francis Drake, aboard his ship, Revenge.
00:54180 ships, tens of thousands of soldiers.
00:58We shall destroy the Spanish fleet.
01:01Attack!
01:02No fleet could match them.
01:04Wait!
01:05Instead of their fleet of ships, let's attack the Spanish city of Coruña.
01:12But attacking a well-defended city instead of a fleet might not go as well.
01:16I wonder if they've conquered Spain yet.
01:19Hmm.
01:21Okay. Might take a bit longer than I thought.
01:24Longer?
01:25The winds are blowing in the wrong direction. The men are dying of salvation and sickness.
01:29What are you complaining about? We've still got 5,000 men.
01:32Yes, but we started out with tens of thousands of men.
01:35That's not ideal.
01:37The English Armada. The one you've maybe not heard of. And coming soon.
01:43You know, the English Armada we sent against the Spanish because of the Spanish Armada they
01:47sent against us. Well, I think they may be planning revenge.
01:51Not.
01:52Yes. Another Spanish Armada.
01:56The Spanish Armada 2. Armada Harder.
02:00I'm beginning to think our marauders might be overrated.
02:05Me and my brothers are losing the battle, so we've turned our bedrooms into a fort.
02:10We've built barriers at every entrance so our sisters can't attack us. We are totally safe.
02:18Battles are hard, and it's not just the landscapes that are a problem.
02:22Take it down, you lot.
02:24Sorry, Mum.
02:25Sometimes the people are the problem.
02:27William the Conqueror found that out. After he killed King Harold at the Battle of Hastings,
02:33he came up against a particularly tricky opponent. Harold's mum.
02:43Hello! I am King William of England. I know you're in there.
02:51We're not scared of you, William.
02:53Guys, seriously, I am not okay about this rebellion.
02:57I just conquered you.
02:59I'm so peeved, I literally just poked this guy's eyes out.
03:03There was a whole battle near Hastings, remember?
03:06My rival, King Harold, and all his brothers were killed or captured.
03:12I mean, there is literally no one else from the royal family left to lead you.
03:19Move that sunshine.
03:21Oh, for crying out loud. Look who it is.
03:29Yeah, what if you hadn't poked my eyes out?
03:30Oh, sorry. It's the old King Harold's mum, Geetha.
03:34Oh?
03:34Look, it would be better for everybody if we ended all this rivalry and you just surrendered.
03:48So, what do you say?
03:50Why's it all gone quiet?
03:53Hang on. Something's happening.
03:55Oh, I think he's getting his bum out.
03:57Oh, yeah.
03:58But why?
04:00Don't worry about it, Your Majesty. Everyone does it when they get nervous.
04:03That wasn't me. It was them.
04:05Oh, sure it was.
04:07That's our answer.
04:11The sound of a mother's rage.
04:17And by the smell of a cabbage.
04:24Oh, God, that is strong.
04:27Maybe you should go and change your chain mail.
04:29It wasn't me. Do you want me to poke something else out?
04:32Yeah, can you start with my nose?
04:33Hit him again.
04:37I know you have them surrounded, but maybe it's time we were treated.
04:41Yeah, it stinks.
04:43That's right. Fear our power.
04:48And smell it, too.
04:51Oh, I could smell that one from France. We'll be back.
04:55Right, that's enough.
04:57It's been 90 years since Caesar failed to conquer Britain.
05:05Rome, as a new emperor, determined to finish the job,
05:09it's going to take one tough toga wearer to risk everything in this hellhole.
05:13I'm Emperor Claudius, and this is extreme survival.
05:18Step one, defense.
05:21You're on an island filled with bloodthirsty warriors and druids.
05:26Staying alive through the night is going to be a challenge.
05:28You're going to need protection, and you're going to need it fast.
05:31Look around you. What do you see?
05:34Nothing but trees and dirt.
05:36But trees and dirt, with training and basic tools, can become a fortress.
05:41A fortress can keep you alive when everybody around you wants to you dead.
05:45But what I like to do is stay 900 miles away in a row,
05:50and let my general Paulinus and the army do the hard work.
05:55When you're faced with that, being somewhere completely different
05:58is a very effective way of staying alive.
06:02Step two, stop the rebellions.
06:05You've finally arrived in Great Britain because the war has already been won.
06:08But now you have to win at a peace, and these locals will rebel at the drop of a helmet.
06:12You need to be prepared, and that means using what's around you.
06:15Look around you, what do you see?
06:17A stone can be used as a missile.
06:20And wood is good for keeping the fire going at night.
06:23Staying well lit and armed is vitally important in a hostile situation.
06:28But what I like to do is bring an elephant.
06:32It's unlikely the locals will have seen an elephant.
06:35What's around they'll say?
06:36And I'll say, that's an elephant.
06:38And they'll say, cool, I've never seen one of those.
06:41Let's not rebel.
06:42Probably. Who cares?
06:43I've got an elephant.
06:45I love it when they do that.
06:47Extreme elephant.
06:49Step three, conquer more of the island so you're safer from attack.
06:54You have secured the southeast.
06:55But it's going to take years to spread your rule across this new and dangerous island.
07:00You've got decades of hard work and danger ahead of you.
07:03But what I like to do is go home after 16 days.
07:07Let the army do the rest.
07:09Going home to Rome seriously reduces your chances of being killed abroad.
07:13And that's extreme survival.
07:16Let's bounce.
07:23I forgot my elephant.
07:24Now, Jim, in precisely one minute's time, we're going to march as British soldiers fighting for the East India Company into battle at Syringapatta.
07:36Now, how do you like that?
07:37Are you sure we can do it tomorrow, Colonel?
07:39Of course.
07:40No, we cannot do it tomorrow.
07:42We're doing it today.
07:43Can we have this conversation in the shade, sir?
07:45I think my hat has caught my head.
07:46No, we cannot talk in the shade.
07:48A British soldier stands where he must, be that under fire, in the ice, or in the sun.
07:55Is that understood?
07:59He must be very strong.
08:00I think their leader just killed a man with his finger.
08:04Why are the British wearing such ridiculously hot and thick uniforms?
08:08You're to march into someone else's country killing anyone who resists.
08:11At least you can do his dress appropriately.
08:13We're struggling with the sun, sir.
08:15I mean, we're all out.
08:16We're not used to it.
08:16All the fevers.
08:18All the water.
08:19All the food.
08:20Sorry, I've got a discerning, sir.
08:22All right, hey, whoa, whoa, whoa.
08:24That was a close one.
08:26I don't care if it's a bit hot.
08:28I don't care if you've got a runny bottom.
08:32I don't care if anyone's got a little bit of fever.
08:36Lemons.
08:37Badgers.
08:38Soup fairies.
08:39Badgers fever is seeing things.
08:40Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
08:42Wow.
08:43Promise I'm trying to keep them in.
08:45Can you hear gunfire?
08:47I think some of them soldiers are dropping bottom bombs.
08:50They can't handle food with flavour.
08:51It goes straight through them.
08:52It is a mystery why they keep stealing food from us.
08:56When they finally leave, it is going to take an age to clean up after them.
08:59And to rebuild all the cities they burned.
09:01You lot are a disgrace.
09:03Now, you need to be ready to march.
09:05March.
09:06I am standing dead still and thanks to my bum.
09:09If I march, there's going to be carnage.
09:12Perhaps you'd like to be excused from battle today.
09:16You shower of toilets.
09:19The British Empire covers one-sixth of the world's land.
09:23The British soldiers are feared around the globe.
09:25Do you really think a bit of heat gut churning is going to stop us?
09:31That might slow us down, actually.
09:35Get any new uniform?
09:36I just can't believe we're losing this war to these guys.
09:41They'll go out eventually.
09:42They'll have to.
09:43They'll run out of underwear.
09:47We all know the first rule of pillow fights.
09:50Pillows only.
09:51But if we're going to defeat my sisters,
09:53I'm going to have to get a bit more creative.
09:55So, I've emptied the feathers out of this one
09:58and put my mate, Freddy the Frog, inside.
10:01But Tilda's scared of frogs.
10:02Unfortunately, Freddy's scared of the Tilda, too.
10:08Come on, she's not that scary.
10:11I guess new weapons for battle are bound to have teething problems.
10:14Just ask this lot.
10:18Sire, I think you'll be impressed.
10:21I've invented a new weapon that will revolutionize hunting.
10:24Oh, exciting.
10:25I started with a small, sharpened piece of bone.
10:28But that is tiny.
10:29You'll never catch a line with this.
10:31Look.
10:32Did that hurt?
10:34Well, a little bit.
10:35No, it didn't.
10:36Okay, but I hadn't finished.
10:37You see, next, I glued it to the end of a piece of wood.
10:40Ah, you're wasting your time.
10:42Look, this is the smallest spear I've ever seen.
10:44You'll never catch a vicious piece with this child's toy.
10:47Look.
10:48Did that hurt?
10:49It hurt quite a lot, actually.
10:50No, again.
10:51What if I said I could hurl this tiny spear a vast distance and hit a target using this?
10:57Interesting.
10:59Let's me have a go.
11:04Ah, useless.
11:05This will never catch a leopard.
11:07I wouldn't be so sure.
11:08Watch me, sire.
11:12Ooh, impressive.
11:16So hold it like this.
11:18Right.
11:21Sire!
11:22I would have hit the target if he didn't get in the way.
11:24Let me have another go.
11:25I think I'll stand over here.
11:27A-jip.
11:28A-jip.
11:28Kee, this is the one.
11:30Fire.
11:32Oh!
11:33It's broken.
11:36Try again, but round the other way.
11:38The other way.
11:39Yes.
11:40Run away, run away.
11:41This way.
11:42Run away.
11:45Where is it?
11:47Ah.
11:47It's here.
11:49I mean the ball round the other way.
11:51Yes.
11:52No, no, no, no, no.
11:53I'm getting out of here.
11:55Ah!
11:57What?
11:58What?
11:59Look, it's bound to take a bit of getting used to it.
12:01A bit.
12:02I'm pretty sure I'm getting the hang of this now.
12:05Please, please, please, please, please, please.
12:08You did it!
12:12Amazing.
12:13You have invented a tool that can fire small spears.
12:16I call it a bow and arrow.
12:19The bow and arrow.
12:22Actually, the other way, but it doesn't matter.
12:27Blue man, blue man, the living toilet who ran from the Middle Ages
12:31With a bucket so that you can have a poop in a private place
12:35Sinking on my bucket with a cape to hide your face
12:39And bum, and when you're done
12:41I will try surpending if you did it to a one
12:44Blue man!
12:46Oh, nein, nein, nein, nein!
12:52Greetings, friend.
12:54Who are you and what are you doing on my U-boat?
12:56I am Blue man, the living lavatory, and you look like a man who needs the little U-boat's captain's room.
13:04Yes, I do.
13:05Well, then, I would like to apply for the jubbies.
13:08We have a toilet.
13:10I'm meeting the engineers there now.
13:12Engineer?
13:12Yeah.
13:13Flashing the boat's toilet is very complex, and only a specially trained person can do it.
13:19I'm intrigued.
13:21It is ready for you, captain.
13:22Oh, thank goodness.
13:23Oh, there we go.
13:31Tell me, mind find, do you call them the captain's logs?
13:34Oh, this is the best.
13:36Sorry, Lou man.
13:37A pleasure to meet a fellow Pooh-fessional.
13:40Feel better?
13:41Oh, yes.
13:44I'd give it fumpf if I were you.
13:46Yes, captain.
13:46You may flush when ready, engineer.
13:49I go, captain.
13:50You look cool.
13:51All right.
13:52Good night.
13:53Oh, no.
13:54Goodness, yeah, my set-up's a lot simpler than yours, if you want me to take you through it.
13:58Ah, nein, danke.
13:59Please do not disturb me.
14:01I must turn these levers and valves in exactly the right order,
14:05otherwise the seawater will flood into the vessel.
14:09Okay, yeah, cool.
14:11I'm out of interest.
14:13How many buckets worth of bum blackwarses is this baby store?
14:17Well, actually, this sub does not store its poop.
14:19Instead, we fire turd beedos into the ocean
14:22with compressed air.
14:24Love it.
14:27Hello?
14:27What's happened?
14:28Has he done a flow, sir?
14:30Oh, no.
14:32I've implemented a long sequence.
14:33The toilet is filling up with sea warts and the captain's logs.
14:36Oh, you do call them the captain's logs in.
14:38Captain, the toilet switch has leaked into the ship's batteries
14:40and the sap is filling with poisonous gas.
14:43We must surface an abandoned ship.
14:45Abandon ship?
14:47Code brown.
14:48Abandon ship!
14:49Abandon ship!
14:52Do you use the bucket?
14:53Well, Dr. Skinner,
14:59we're hoping you've come up with something
15:00that will help us to defeat the Nazis.
15:02Gentlemen, I believe I have.
15:04A massive advance in missile accuracy.
15:08Piloted missiles.
15:10Piloted?
15:11But who would be stupid enough
15:12to pilot a missile that was going to explode?
15:16Gentlemen, meet your new pilot.
15:18You want a pigeon to fly the bomb?
15:28Of course not.
15:30I want three pigeons to fly the bomb.
15:33Gentlemen, each pigeon
15:35harnessed inside the missile
15:36has been trained to peck at the target
15:39when they see it.
15:40This pecking transmits a signal
15:42via the bird's beak
15:43which controls the bomb's tail fins
15:45and directs it towards the target.
15:48Oh, nein!
15:49You've destroyed my Nazi battleship!
15:52Who'd have suspected a pigeon?
15:54Oh, somebody give Skinner a promotion!
15:57Are we being pranked?
15:58Do you want us to entrust the war to birds?
16:02These are no ordinary birds, sir.
16:04My pigeons are graduates
16:06of the Skinner School of Aviation.
16:08You created a flying school for pigeons.
16:10Well, they're not going to train themselves, are they?
16:13Who is this guy?
16:15Let me show you something.
16:16What are you doing?
16:19A demonstration, sir.
16:21Each pigeon has been trained
16:22to ignore the distractions of war.
16:25My eyes!
16:27My eyes!
16:29See?
16:30It didn't even flinch!
16:31Thank you, Dr. Skinner.
16:32We have heard enough.
16:34I'm sorry to disappoint you,
16:35but it's a terrible idea.
16:37I'm sure implementing your pigeon plan
16:39would have been a real coup.
16:41And I don't want you to get in a flat,
16:43but it's time for you
16:45and your pigeons
16:47to take off.
16:49Hey, where'd that pigeon go?
16:55I told you they were trained
16:56to hit enemy targets.
17:00Being in a battle is exhausting.
17:02Thankfully, Mummus has brought me
17:04a cheese sandwich to keep me going.
17:06I think she might be supplying
17:07the enemy to you.
17:08Girls!
17:09Sandwiches are ready!
17:11Pick your side, Mummus!
17:13I shouldn't be surprised, though.
17:14Mums have been helping
17:15their children in battle
17:16throughout history.
17:17Although, I'm glad my mum
17:19isn't a Spartan one.
17:21Spartan soldiers
17:22are some of the toughest
17:24in the world.
17:25The only thing tougher than them...
17:28Come on, you maggots!
17:29...are their mums.
17:31Get up!
17:32Sit up!
17:32This is Spartan mums.
17:35Are you tough enough?
17:37Come on!
17:39Tell me something.
17:40Do you want to be
17:41in the Spartan army?
17:43Yes, Mummy!
17:43Yes, Mummy!
17:44What did you say?
17:45Yes, Mummy!
17:46Drop down and give me 300.
17:49They're good boys,
17:50but they need to grow a spine.
17:52I mean, they're Spartans.
17:53They need to learn
17:54to be as tough as their mothers.
17:55And believe me,
17:56we need to be tough
17:57to raise sons as tough as Spartans.
17:59Can I get up now?
18:00Did I say you could speak?
18:02Sorry, Mummy!
18:03I meant to send you
18:04pathetic babies out
18:05to fight for us.
18:06Do you want to go to battle?
18:08Or will you come running home
18:09to your mummy?
18:10No, Mummy.
18:11No, Mummy!
18:12A coward!
18:13I should have left you outside
18:14on the hill
18:15like your other brother.
18:16What other brother?
18:19Exactly.
18:20What Mummy wants,
18:22Mummy gets.
18:22or are you dying?
18:25Attention!
18:26Let me look at you.
18:28Oh, you don't want us
18:29to get naked again, do you?
18:30That is the best way
18:31to assess your physical fitness.
18:33But no,
18:34not this time.
18:35Oh, that's a shame.
18:37I've been working on my abs.
18:40Yeah.
18:41Shields!
18:44These are your shields.
18:46You carry them into battle.
18:48You return with them
18:49or on them.
18:50Oh, like a sledge.
18:51No, like a stretcher.
18:53Dead, dummy.
18:55Shame about the sledge.
18:57That sounded fun.
18:58Oh!
19:00Oh, I weed.
19:01I weed.
19:01I'm sorry, Mummy.
19:03No, can't do this.
19:06You are a disgrace!
19:08The three gruelling weeks
19:10are over.
19:11This is the end
19:13of the beginning
19:14of their training
19:15which will last
19:17for many years to come.
19:18I want my Mummy!
19:20Mark Adamus!
19:22I know.
19:23Drop will give you 300.
19:24One.
19:26Two.
19:27Two and a half.
19:28Oh, it hurts, Mummy!
19:29Even count me that one.
19:30Dearest Edward,
19:33Mummy here.
19:34I do hope this letter
19:36finds you well
19:37despite this silly civil war.
19:40Not much to report
19:42from here at home.
19:43Apart from missing you
19:44and Daddy, of course,
19:46I do feel so safe
19:47with our own soldiers
19:48here to protect us.
19:50Lady Holly!
19:51Siege!
19:51Siege!
19:52We're under attack!
19:53Carry our positions, men!
19:55We will not let our home
19:56fall.
19:57Defend her at all!
19:58I do hope
20:01you are looking after Daddy.
20:03I'm so proud of you both
20:05for defending
20:06our Puritan values
20:07against the
20:08Royalist Scum!
20:10As some mean people
20:12like to call them.
20:13The bells!
20:14The bells!
20:15They're taking the bells!
20:16Not on my watch!
20:17Hit them with everything
20:18we've got!
20:24Oh, I've been hit!
20:25Ooh, cake!
20:28I was going to send you
20:32a cake
20:33to make you think
20:34of hope,
20:35but...
20:36Eat musket balls, losers!
20:45Ah!
20:46I prefer the cake!
20:48They seem
20:50to have run out of cake!
20:51Love and snuggles!
20:54Mummy!
20:54We did it!
20:57We did it!
20:58They're retreating!
20:59Who's the mummy?
21:00It's me!
21:01It's me!
21:02Right!
21:03Be alive and then
21:04sneak this past the enemy,
21:06would you?
21:06Move!
21:07Move!
21:07Move!
21:07Move!
21:10I don't know how long
21:12we can keep this battle going.
21:13I'm exhausted!
21:15Also,
21:15we're running out of pillows.
21:17We've only got three left.
21:20We've only got two left.
21:22Luckily,
21:23people in history
21:23have had all sorts
21:24of inventive ways
21:25to stop war
21:26and find peace.
21:28And one of the more
21:29surprising ways
21:30is...
21:31marriage!
21:33That one
21:34was my favourite!
21:35They say there is
21:39a wafer-thin line
21:40between love
21:41and hate.
21:42So,
21:43is it any wonder
21:44that when two
21:45warring rivals
21:46look for peace,
21:47it is l'amour
21:48that shows the way.
21:50Pharaoh Ramesses II
21:52is looking for love
21:53or an end to war,
21:55one of the two.
21:57I hope I like her.
21:58I hope my wives
21:59like her as well.
22:00Hey,
22:01do people normally
22:02bring their wives
22:02on dates?
22:03Serious question.
22:04You don't mind,
22:05do you?
22:06Yeah,
22:07she don't mind.
22:08Okay!
22:10His date
22:11is the eldest daughter
22:12of the king
22:13of the Hittites.
22:14You must be
22:15Ramesses II.
22:16My name is...
22:17I don't care
22:17what your name is.
22:18I'mma call you
22:19Maforna for Ra.
22:21It means
22:22she
22:22who beholds
22:23the falcon
22:24that is the
22:25visible splendour
22:26of Ra.
22:28Yeah,
22:28right.
22:29I'm with you
22:29with names,
22:30isn't it?
22:30Is he allowed
22:31to do that?
22:31I mean,
22:32I know he's
22:33a pharaoh
22:33and I've heard
22:34he can do
22:34whatever he likes,
22:35but is he
22:35literally allowed
22:36to change my name?
22:37Things are off
22:37to a bad start
22:38because while
22:39Ramesses is
22:40pharaoh of the
22:40Upper Nile,
22:41he's on this
22:42occasion also
22:43king of the
22:43utter vile.
22:44Hi,
22:45you need some oil
22:46babes?
22:46No thanks,
22:47babe.
22:47Apologies,
22:48my bad.
22:49You need
22:49some oil babes.
22:51Huh?
22:51No,
22:52stop that!
22:53What are you doing?
22:55The oil is there
22:56to banish the
22:56neverworld
22:57and keep you
22:57safe from evil.
22:58You're welcome.
22:59I know that
22:59ditching this
23:00state could
23:00restart a war
23:01between our
23:02kingdoms,
23:02but right now
23:03that seems like
23:04a price worth
23:04paying.
23:04Hey,
23:05hey,
23:05look,
23:05look,
23:06we both
23:06know that
23:07our marriage
23:08is just
23:08there to
23:09keep the
23:09peace.
23:10But look,
23:11let's just
23:12put all of that
23:12aside,
23:13yeah?
23:13Let's just
23:14talk about
23:15our hopes
23:16and our
23:17dreams.
23:18I'd like that.
23:19So how much
23:20am I getting?
23:20Huh?
23:22Think of
23:22world peace,
23:23think of
23:23world peace.
23:24It's called a
23:24dowry.
23:25The dad has to
23:26give me a load
23:26of stuff when
23:27I marry her.
23:27Oh,
23:28it's a standard
23:28thing at
23:29regular weddings,
23:30let alone ones
23:30being arranged
23:31to end a war.
23:32Ain't that right?
23:33I've got bear
23:34coins off of
23:34these,
23:35love.
23:35So I get
23:35the gold,
23:36yeah?
23:36The silver,
23:38the slaves,
23:38the horses,
23:40and the cows.
23:40Is that all?
23:41And me,
23:42of course.
23:43Ha ha ha!
23:43Yeah,
23:44of course!
23:45Ha ha ha!
23:46How could I
23:46forget that?
23:47That's mad.
23:48I'm gonna put
23:48you down under
23:49the horses.
23:50And they say
23:50romance is dead.
23:52So do you think
23:52you'll see each
23:53other again?
23:54Sure.
23:55I mean,
23:56we'll have to,
23:56innit?
23:56Ha ha ha ha!
23:57If we don't get
23:58married,
23:59then the war
23:59between our
24:00rival kingdoms
24:01may well start
24:01up again.
24:02Pfft!
24:03Bruh,
24:03ain't got no
24:03choice.
24:04The words
24:05every Brad
24:05longs to hear.
24:06Don't worry,
24:07babes,
24:07we'll look
24:07after you.
24:08There you go.
24:09Wives,
24:10let's go.
24:11You need to learn
24:12some things.
24:12Oh!
24:14Just ignore him.
24:15Me do.
24:16Yeah,
24:16I'll catch you
24:17back at the
24:18palace.
24:19Ha ha!
24:20You know,
24:21I might have to
24:21be back next
24:22week,
24:22cos five wives
24:23ain't enough,
24:23you know what I'm
24:24saying?
24:24Ha!
24:24You know what I'm
24:25saying?
24:25The dust has
24:30settled on our
24:31final battle.
24:32We all decided
24:33to put aside
24:34the pillows of war
24:35and lead a peaceful
24:37life.
24:38Because Dad has
24:39said if we didn't,
24:40he'd sell the telly.
24:41Yes,
24:42war is never
24:43the answer.
24:44Unless the question
24:44is,
24:45three-letter word,
24:46beginning with W,
24:47English civil what?
24:48Of course,
24:49in the English
24:50civil war,
24:51Oliver Cromwell's
24:52motto was
24:52peace through war.
24:54But my dad says
24:55that's nonsense
24:55and he might be
24:57right.
24:57Things didn't work
24:58out so well
24:59for Cromwell.
25:00Mm-mm-mm.
25:01Civil war!
25:04Ha!
25:04What was it good for?
25:07Monarchy abolished.
25:10Civil war!
25:12Ha!
25:13What was it good for?
25:15Royalty demolished.
25:17Once we'd won
25:19and Charles lost
25:20his head,
25:21we became a
25:21commonwealth instead.
25:23My new model army
25:24fought for the cause.
25:25I crushed rebellion
25:26and rip-hawned laws.
25:28This old parliament
25:28became Lord Protector,
25:30like a king
25:31but without
25:31the crown of scepter.
25:32Protectorate was
25:33now what we were called
25:34with a jolly little motto
25:35peace through war.
25:36Civil war!
25:38Ha!
25:39What was it good for?
25:42Monarchy disbanded.
25:45Civil war!
25:46Civil war!
25:47Ha!
25:48What was it good for?
25:50My power expanded.
25:53Cut England and Wales
25:54its twelve little bits.
25:56It didn't work out,
25:57had to pull out quits.
25:58Thought making me king
25:59would be the solution
26:00but I stayed Lord Protector
26:01with a new constitution.
26:02Didn't last long,
26:04death was my fate.
26:04So son and heir
26:05stepping up to the plate,
26:07it was a tough act
26:07to follow the great dictator.
26:09The army forced me out
26:10a year later.
26:11Civil war!
26:12Civil war!
26:13Ha!
26:14What was it good for?
26:17Monarchy diminished.
26:19Civil war!
26:22Ha!
26:23What was it good for?
26:25I thought we were finished.
26:27But all the while
26:30I'd been in exile
26:32banished from my home nation
26:36Then I got the call
26:39They'd had enough of war
26:41And so began
26:42the restoration
26:44I'd pardon crimes
26:47from civil war times
26:48I back what's not to lie
26:50Well, they dug me up
26:52Cut me up
26:53And put my head on a spine
26:54Civil war!
26:57Who was it good for?
27:00Don't get me started
27:02Civil war!
27:06Who was it good for?
27:09Right, now where's the party?
27:14Be quite tight
27:16That doesn't matter
27:17It's good for me
27:18That's all
27:19The party
27:21Is the party
27:21This party
27:22That's all
27:22I don't know
27:23it's good for me
27:24Let's go
27:26I'll just go
27:26And put my
27:27You
27:27Can't
27:28Do
27:28Loss
27:29Do
27:30Do
27:31Do
27:32Do
27:33Do
27:34Do
27:34I
27:36Do
27:37Do
27:39Do
27:41Do
27:42Do
27:42Do
27:43Do
27:44Do
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