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00:00Ferocious fights, stingy castles, daring knights
00:02Horrors that did by destruction, cutthroat counsel, bull ejection
00:05Vicious vikings, cruel crime, punishment for later times
00:07Roman rotten, rank and ruthless, cavemen, savage, beers and tubeless
00:10Groovy Greeks, rainy sages, mean and missing middle ages
00:13Gory stories, we do that
00:15And your host, a talking rat
00:18The past is no longer a mystery
00:21Welcome to...
00:22Horrible Histories
00:25Horrible Histories presents
00:29British pharaohs
00:31Welcome to ancient Egypt
00:34I am Pharaoh Rattaces II
00:37Son of Verminhotep and Queen Nefer Squeaky
00:40I am your guide through the age of the pharaohs
00:44The kings and queens who ruled for 3,000 years
00:48They built the pyramids, the Great Sphinx
00:51And secret tombs of pharaohs like Tutankhamun
00:55That are so well hidden
00:56They won't be found for thousands of years
00:59Ow!
01:01Found one!
01:03There's some amazing stuff in this tomb
01:07Including an actual pharaoh
01:09Mind you, he's not dressed as fancy as me
01:12You see, when pharaohs die, they get a bit of a makeover
01:16Ooh!
01:20Hello!
01:21We have a very special royal surprise for someone today
01:25Yeah, we have got a makeover to die for
01:28Let's go and give them the good news
01:29Wow!
01:30Wow!
01:30Seti I, recently deceased Egyptian pharaoh
01:34We're going to be dressing you for Do It!
01:36The Egyptian afterlife!
01:38Surprise!
01:39Yay!
01:39Oh, bless!
01:41I think someone is a bit overwhelmed
01:43And also dead
01:44Let's get on and do this
01:47So, Seti, you simply can't go on the mystical afterlife journey to the field of reeds or whatever
02:04Looking like that
02:05Or smelling like this
02:07You smell like my nan, Seti
02:09What are we calling it?
02:10Hippopotamus?
02:12Let's get to work
02:13You might want to lie down for this bit
02:15Let's get organ cleansing
02:19So, what we thought we'd do is start out with some basic brain mushing with this big nasty hook
02:29Vicious
02:29Then we're going to pull all that mush out through your nose
02:33Does that sound OK to you, sweetheart?
02:35His silence speaks volumes
02:37Then we're going to remove your lungs, your intestines, your stomach, your liver
02:42And pop them in these tiny little jars so you can use them in the afterlife
02:46These little jars are just too cute
02:48But don't worry, we're not going to be leaving you feeling all empty
02:51We're going to be stuffing you to the brim with bits of grass, straw, mud, rags
02:56And my personal favourite, sawdust
02:58He is good to go!
03:03Yaskin!
03:04Total babe
03:05But I think it's time that we sort out those threads
03:07Yeah, now, clothes-wise, I was thinking we'd just cover you in bandages with magic spells written on
03:13Love that detail
03:14And to finish off, a Trishik death mask
03:17What do you think, Seti?
03:18Aye, Sphinx, it's great
03:20I thought he was alive again or something
03:22Do we think he's ready?
03:24So ready, he's dead
03:26Let's give this pharaoh some sargophis
03:30Come on, we practice that
03:32All right
03:33Before we met Seti the first, his look was dead boring
03:41But look at him now
03:44Talk about a yummy mummy
03:46Work it, twerk it, strike a pose
03:49And no one can hold a pose like Seti
03:51You are not the only one that has died and gone to heaven
03:54Well, that's it for today's special royal makeover
03:58Seti's ready for the afterlife
03:59And we're ready for the after-party
04:02Party
04:03Sorry
04:03Start it out
04:04I'm Cleopatra
04:07One of the most famous ancient Egyptian pharaohs
04:11I ruled at the same time as Julius Caesar and Mark Antony
04:15What's up, Mark Antony fans?
04:17Go away, this isn't about you
04:18It's about me
04:21One of the last ever pharaohs
04:23And it's about the more than 150 other pharaohs who came before me
04:28Including Tutankhamun, Ramesses II and, way back at the very start, the first pharaoh called Nama
04:36Nama is said to have united the separate parts of Egypt into one kingdom
04:42He eventually died an old man, but it wasn't old age that killed him
04:46Well, the pallet is finished, pharaoh
04:51It is a carved record of the mighty deeds of your 62 year reign
04:55Oh, lovely, gimme, gimme, gimme
04:57He's fine
05:03He's fine
05:04Oh, my back
05:05Come on, up he pop
05:07Your majesty, perhaps the weight is beyond one who has lived so long
05:11Nonsense
05:12A trifle
05:13After all, does not my name Nama mean
05:17The mighty catfish
05:19Are you good?
05:27Yes
05:28Yes
05:29The pictures tell the story of how you united the kingdoms of the lower and upper Nile
05:34Did I?
05:35Yes, you did
05:36Oh, that's good of me
05:38Combining their two crowns
05:39Oh
05:40To make one pharaoh of all Egypt
05:42Oh
05:44Oh, no, I've gone again
05:48He's okay
05:49Oh
05:50Oh
05:51Tis a good crown
05:52But heavy in weight
05:54And in responsibility
05:58Dee
05:59You truly are the wisest of all
06:03Oh, a hippo
06:04Oh, I love hippos
06:07Uh, pharaoh, shouldn't you really be playing with hippos at your age?
06:11Don't touch me, Mr. Hippo
06:13Oh, that's gotta hurt
06:16Good
06:17Poor pharaoh Nama
06:18So wise in all things except hippos
06:21Oh, nice, nice, Mr. Hippo
06:25Good boy
06:26Ah!
06:27As pharaohs were so powerful that if we wanted we could make our people build whole new cities, giant lighthouses or vast pyramids
06:38Watch this
06:39Oi
06:40You
06:41Build me a pyramid
06:42Build yourself a pyramid, stinky
06:44Charming
06:46So I guess it was all the pharaohs apart from me who did the amazing stuff
06:51Tutankhamun's dad, who was a pharaoh called Amenhotep IV, even changed the number of gods that people believed in
06:59Hmm
07:00I wonder what the big announcement's gonna be
07:04Hmm
07:05I am hoping that pharaoh Amenhotep IV is going to announce a new religious holiday
07:10Oh, I love religious holidays
07:13People and priests of Egypt, your pharaoh Akhenaten wishes to speak with you
07:18Well, that's great, Queen Nefertiti, but the pharaoh's called Amenhotep
07:21That is what he wishes to speak to you about
07:25I've changed my name from Amenhotep, right
07:28Okay
07:29To Akhenaten
07:30Huh
07:31That's a bit of a let down
07:33Oh, I'm hoping for a holiday
07:35I know you were
07:36Your pharaoh has taken the name of the one true god, Artem
07:40I think you are mistaken, we have loads of gods
07:43Absolutely loads
07:44Not anymore
07:46Anymore
07:47From this day forth, my kingdom will reject all of the old gods, like Ammon
07:52Oh
07:53And worship just one god
07:55Atten
07:56Uh
07:57God of the sun
07:58Uh-huh
07:59And worship of all the other gods is now banned
08:00Well, how do the other gods feel about that?
08:02Look, it's perfectly simple
08:05We do not worship Ammon, no, no, no
08:10We do not worship Ammon
08:13Ammon
08:15Ammon is an old god
08:16He's an old god
08:17We no longer like them
08:18We now worship the disc in the sky
08:21Pray to the disc in the sky
08:23His name is Atten and he is your new friend
08:27Sunshine
08:28You lead in this country, all am I
08:30I'm sorry, my pharaoh, go on
08:32There's too many gods these days
08:35I really need them
08:37Thousands don't come all the same
08:40Here's how you feel now
08:42Who needs blows when one's okay
08:45Come on everyone, let's hear you say
08:47We do not worship Ammon
08:50No, no, no
08:52We do not worship Ammon
08:55Don't need no priest, he'll only talk to me
09:00Atten
09:01He's such a great god, I write him poetry
09:04Atten
09:05Atten
09:06His rays shine down upon our family
09:09Atten
09:10So
09:11We do not worship Ammon
09:13No, no, no
09:15Not a word about Ammon
09:18Shhh
09:19Any reference to Ammon must go, go
09:24Atten's all you need to know
09:27Sorry, erm, what does this mean for holidays?
09:31Hey guys, it's your boy Irenachty here to tell you all about my job
09:38A.k.a. the best job in the world
09:40Hashtag
09:41I love Mondays
09:43So I work with the pharaoh
09:46That's right, I get up close and personal with literal living gods
09:51Rush
09:52Look, one of them even signed my arm
09:54How good is that?
09:55Autographic, baby
09:57What's the best bit about a pharaoh?
09:59Their crown
10:00Their gold
10:01Their dangerously unlimited power
10:03Nooo
10:04It's their royal bums, of course
10:07And that's my job
10:08I am the royal bottom doctor
10:10Who gives enemas to pharaohs
10:12And I write
10:13Hashtag Life Girls
10:16What even is an enema?
10:18You know how generally with butts
10:20It's all bad stuff like poo coming out?
10:22Well, enemas are when you put good stuff like medicine in
10:26You put medicine up his bum
10:30My full title is Shepherd of the Butt
10:33That's roughly how it translates into English
10:36It's a tough job, but someone's got to do it
10:39Now, let's look at the instruments us ancient Egyptian butt doctors used
10:44A tube made of bone, perfect for inserting into the royal rump
10:48As is this one, made of reed
10:50And this one, made of metal
10:52Who's the tutor?
10:54Now, attached to one end of the tube is a bag made of silk
10:57Or if you're feeling really fancy
10:59Ox bladder
11:01Soz oxes, I love you, but I need your bladder for my bottom pipes
11:04And then I fill the bag with a special blend of herbs and spices
11:09Secret blend!
11:10Which I will not reveal
11:12Mixed together with the finest ingredients
11:14Milk, beer, honey, and wine
11:17Mm-hmm, it's good enough to eat
11:20But don't eat it
11:21Put it in the Pharaoh's bum
11:24What are enemas even for?
11:26I hear you cry
11:27Well, what aren't they for?
11:28Feeling diseased?
11:29Get an enema
11:30Losing your hair?
11:31Get an enema
11:32Going grey?
11:33Get an enema
11:34Feeling like your spirit's all icky?
11:35Get an enema
11:36Getting bored of enemas?
11:37You better get an enema
11:39You know, some people call me a hero
11:41And I'm like, guys, I'm no hero
11:43I'm just a humble shepherd
11:45A shepherd of the butt
11:47Er...
11:48It's the shepherd
11:49My next appointment
11:50What are we thinking?
11:51I'll be honest
11:52It's a metal tube kind of a day
11:55I'll clear my schedule
11:58Best job in the world
12:01Wow!
12:02There's a long list of bad jobs in history
12:04But hertman of the butt is at the bottom
12:07Literally!
12:10Obviously, being Pharaoh is one of the best jobs
12:13But it could be dangerous
12:15As sometimes Pharaohs would have to lead their armies into battles
12:18Like the Battle of Kadesh
12:20Which was fought between the Egyptians of Ramesses II
12:23And the Hittites of King Hattushali III
12:26And it's one of the most famous battles of all time
12:29Neither side could win by fighting
12:31So they tried to make peace
12:33But that wasn't smooth sailing either
12:36Hmm
12:39Sorting out the beefs of the past
12:41I don't care if it is a breathtaking monument
12:43You cannot build a sphinx without planning permission
12:46With the justice of today
12:48And honestly, half lion, half man
12:50Just pick one and stick to it next time
12:54Welcome to Time Beefs
12:56With Judge Rinder
12:57Ramesses II, third pharaoh of the 19th dynasty of Egypt
13:01Is in court to face the king of the Hittites, Hattushali III
13:07Over who triumphed at the Battle of Kadesh
13:10Okay, we all get it
13:11You're the heads of warring kingdoms
13:13You both want the same land
13:14You're about to fight a battle over it
13:16Am I right?
13:17You're way off, Rinder
13:19We actually just signed a peace treaty
13:21On these massive silver tablets
13:23Yes, the earliest example of a written peace treaty, isn't it?
13:26We've even given each other presents
13:27And I'm also marrying his daughter
13:30What's happening, babes?
13:31I just don't buy it
13:33If you're so nicey-nicey to each other
13:35What on earth are you doing in my courtroom?
13:37Well, we've had a slight disagreement on my stunning victory
13:41At the Battle of Kadesh
13:42Where my armies completely destroyed that of his brothers
13:45What? My brother totally trashed your Egyptian forces
13:47As is
13:48I admit, you lost
13:49No, I didn't
13:50I admit it
13:51I admit it
13:52I admit it
13:53That's it
13:54I'm banning tablets from the courtroom
13:56Ramesses, just give me your version of events
13:58Right, there I was
13:59All alone
14:00The Hittites
14:01I slaughtered them all at will
14:03What? What? What? What?
14:04Where the lad is?
14:05He's making it up
14:06You'll get your turn
14:07And their arms went limp
14:09So they couldn't shoot
14:10I made them plunge into the water like crocodiles
14:12You had way more casualties than us
14:14Well, if I'm lying
14:16Then why is my version of Vince
14:18Written all over the Egyptian temples in Loxar
14:20Why is that then? Why is that?
14:21Because you put it there on the tablets
14:23You even sent me a copy, innit?
14:25Oh, I wish I never said that my daughter could marry him
14:28She'd be better off with a hippo
14:29Hey, what?
14:30This is Battle of Kadesh part two, you know
14:32Come on then
14:33Okay
14:34Order!
14:35Order!
14:36Goodness me
14:37This is the two of you at peace
14:38I'd hate to see the two of you at war
14:40You've signed a peace treaty
14:41Now honour it, Hattushali
14:43Fine
14:44Promise to protect his nation, innit?
14:46Ramesses?
14:47Yeah, yeah, I guess I promise to protect his nation too
14:49Well, thank you
14:50Even though mine is better than I want to battle the Kadesh
14:52Woo
14:53Drain it!
14:54Order, order
14:55Bailiff, all of this nonsense has given me a headache
14:57Please could you go find me a tablet?
14:59We're good all together
15:00Not that sort of tablet
15:02Although, that would look rather good in my bathroom
15:04I'll beat you like a drum, man
15:05I'll beat you like a drum
15:06I'll beat you like a drum, man
15:07There you go!
15:09Bonjour
15:10I am Napoleon Bonaparte
15:12And in 1798, I took 40,000 magnificent French soldiers to capture Egypt
15:17There we saw ancient wonders like the pyramids, the sphinx and the tombs of the pharaohs
15:22It was a land awash with history and treasure
15:26So, what present did my wife receive when I got back from the trip?
15:30Was it A, a jeweled scarab beetle necklace
15:33B, a gold statue of Radices II
15:36Or C, a mummified head?
15:40The answer is C
15:42A mummified head!
15:45Talk about a gift that money can't buy, am I right?
15:48Look how much funds this is!
15:50I'm not going back in the sarcophagus
15:52You have to go back into the sarcophagus
15:54You can't make me!
15:55I'm going to kill my mummy!
15:57Don't be silly!
15:58You are a mummy!
16:03I should have got her flower else, shouldn't I?
16:06I should have got her flower
16:08Fearful of an uprising
16:10Pharaoh Aprize has sent his special envoy, Petarbomus
16:14To order the rebel leader Amasis to surrender immediately
16:18Amasis, you go too far
16:22How dare you lead this revolution against the true Egyptian pharaoh Aprize?
16:28He will crush you and your army like the insects that you are
16:34Unless I can convince you to lay down your weapons and surrender
16:37Then, perhaps, he may be merciful
16:41I have but one message for your pharaoh
16:44What?
16:45Take that back to your pharaoh
16:50Sorry, take what back to my pharaoh?
16:53You want me to repeat myself?
16:54No problem
16:55You dare to pass wind in front of the representative of the pharaoh?
17:01Yeah
17:02Stop that!
17:03No
17:04Stop it!
17:05Stop it!
17:06Stop!
17:07Stop!
17:08Stop!
17:09Stop!
17:10Stop!
17:11Please, if I do not return with you, the pharaoh
17:13The pharaoh will cut off my ears and cut off my nose for my failure
17:19I mean, that's probably for the best, given how bad this one smells
17:22That does it
17:27You have made a powerful enemy today
17:30Who will rain vengeance down on you like
17:32Oh, no, that one just reached me
17:34Oh, that is vile
17:37Oh, you're an animal
17:40You need to see someone
17:42Come, we must move quickly
17:44I need to change my pants
17:46I need to change my pants
17:52So, Mark Antony
17:53Tell me about this girl you're here to meet
17:55Yeah, she's pretty fit
17:56She's actually ruler of Egypt
17:58But nothing can happen between us
18:00She's Julius Caesar's ex
18:01And you know the saying
18:02Rose before pharaohs
18:03But she's beautiful, intelligent, funny
18:06And...
18:07Man, has she got a sweet ride
18:10Oh, that is one massive barge
18:17Oh, no, how do you stop this thing?
18:20And it's quite difficult to park
18:23Hey there, Mark Antony
18:25Sorry I had to turn up in this tatty old boat
18:28Tatty?
18:29Your Majesty had us up all night working on it to impress the Romans
18:33Oh
18:35It's okay
18:36I've got another one
18:37Your Majesty
18:38Why don't you come aboard my little boat?
18:42I'm okay
18:43Oh
18:44Are those oars silver?
18:49Might be
18:50This barge smells amazing
18:52I mean, it'll make the whole dock smell good
18:54Which is handy because at the moment it smells of...
18:57Yes, well, I'm so glad you like your barge
19:00Not that I brought it here to impress you or anything
19:02But this deck is painted in gold
19:05Ooh, shiny
19:06So why did the big, important Roman general want to see little old me?
19:12Hmm?
19:13Well, I was wondering if you'd be interested in some sort of alliance
19:17Oh, you want me to use me riches to make us a power couple
19:20So we can take over the entire world?
19:22What?
19:23Well, yeah, something like that
19:25Why don't you and me go for a sail in me golden barge
19:28And talk about this some more
19:30Forward!
19:33Good times
19:34Where are we going?
19:35We?
19:36It's okay
19:38I've got another one
19:41Help!
19:42A fish stole my flute
19:47Nothing lasts forever
19:48Not even pharaohs
19:49Cleopatra was one of the last
19:51Cleopatra was one of the last
19:52And she famously had children with Roman Emperor Julius Caesar
19:55And Roman General Mark Antony
19:58After she and her children died
20:00The title of pharaoh was then actually also held by the Roman Emperor
20:04You'd think that would be a cushy little number
20:07But for Maximinus Daza, the last ever Roman Emperor Pharaoh
20:11That wasn't quite the case
20:14Mm-mm-mm-mm
20:18It was coming in bread by the end of the day
20:20It was like breading
20:21It was like a mad maid of bread
20:24Drink, please
20:26You okay down there?
20:28Yeah, yeah, all good
20:29What brings you to Tarsus?
20:31I'd really rather not say
20:33Right, I was only being friendly
20:35Just I really want to stay out of sight
20:37Just in case people are looking for me
20:38Because, er...
20:40In truth
20:42I'm the Emperor of Rome, Maximinus Daza
20:47What would the Emperor of Rome be doing here in Tarsus?
20:50If he's the Emperor of Rome...
20:51Shh! Keep your voice down!
20:53I'm the Pharaoh of Egypt
20:54Hello Pharaoh
20:56Well, actually you can't be the Pharaoh of Egypt
20:58Because I am also that as well
21:00Oh, of course he's the Pharaoh as well
21:02Just keep it down!
21:03Funny guy!
21:06Funny guy, look, it's very, very simple, okay?
21:09I am both the Emperor of Rome and the Pharaoh of Egypt, so...
21:12I mean, you don't dress very Egyptian for a Pharaoh
21:16That's because I'm in hiding
21:18Anyway, Pharaoh hasn't actually come from Egypt for about 600 years
21:22Ooh! Of course, silly horse
21:24Look, if you must know
21:25The Persians took the title after they conquered Egypt
21:28Then the Greeks conquered the Persians
21:30Then after Cleopatra, they went to the Romans
21:32Right, and that's how you got it
21:34Because you're the Emperor of Rome!
21:36Stop calling me the Emperor of Rome!
21:39Even though I am!
21:40You just don't want us to say that
21:41Because you don't want everyone knowing you've been telling porky boys
21:44No, it's because I was deposed by my fellow Emperor, Licinius Maximinus
21:48And now his people are hunting for me!
21:50Listen, babes, if you want to go round the place telling people you're a Pharaoh slash Emperor
21:55You carry on!
21:56I don't judge!
21:57So neither of you believe me?
21:58We're great!
21:59Great!
22:00No, I'm sorry, babe
22:01Hello, Caesar!
22:02What did I say to you?
22:03What did I say?
22:04Sorry!
22:05Hello, Caesar!
22:07We need to go, sire!
22:09Ah!
22:10Mister!
22:11Um, buddy!
22:12Don't touch me!
22:13We shouldn't stay to long in one place
22:15Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
22:17We'll move on, we'll move on
22:18Go, go, go!
22:19Centurion as well
22:20So, believe people when they say thanks, yeah
22:26Aren't you as the Emperor?
22:28Oh yeah, I mean, I can spot a Pharaoh a mile off
22:32Because I'm the king of Germania
22:33Shut up
22:34Can I have a free drink?
22:35No
22:36And that's the end of the Pharaohs
22:40All we're really left with are the monuments they built
22:42they built and the treasures we found in their tombs things that were left with their mummified
22:47remains that the ancient Egyptians believed would help get them into the afterlife here are three
22:52of the greatest to tell us all about it we all know we're heading to the valley of death we want
23:11eternal life after our last breath because i've been a pharaoh got an email on my head but when
23:16we die we need help from the book of the dead it's a magic scroll of hymns to the sun god ray to help
23:22us through the afterlife there's many things we must say like i've never uttered lies never been
23:27an eavesdropper i have never raised my voice lived my life so proper every text is different written
23:33for each soul but you know in the end we only got one goal these rules will remind us once we cease to
23:40be and help us live in peace for all eternity
24:01spells are written on two walls inside our mummy wrappings even in gold mass and other pharaoh
24:07trappings cause getting into paradise you know it ain't dc your heart is weighed against the feather
24:12hope it ain't breezy then we all bought a ferry cross the lily late to the field of reeds the ferryman
24:18will take us then we'll meet our friends and no beloved pets in the field of reeds we'll have eternal
24:25rest yeah yeah death ain't nothing but a new form of living so glad we got the book of the dead and the
24:30advice is giving i'm eighteen now but will i ever see twenty though you better hurry with my book don't be
24:37slow
24:41been waiting all our lives to get into pharaoh's paradise these birds will be our guys for living in a
24:47pharaoh's paradise been spending most our lives avoiding dangerous crocodiles preparing all our lives for
24:58living in a pharaoh's paradise
25:04oh mp for pharaoh i speaks it's great you smell like my nansetti what we call in this
25:15the past is no longer a mystery hope you enjoyed horrible histories
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