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  • 3 weeks ago
Diaz has also starred in 'Being John Malkovich,' 'The Sweetest Thing,' and 'Gangs of New York.'
Transcript
00:00I love this man and there's no way that I'm gonna give him my
00:29up to some two-faced, big-haired, food critic.
00:34You're me, but that's what you should be on television.
00:38Very funny.
00:38What's wrong?
00:39What's wrong, you crazy bitches?
00:41I thought you were gonna shoot me.
00:42That's what's wrong.
00:43Shoot you, Molly?
00:44Why?
00:45I wouldn't do a thing like that.
00:46I know.
00:46He's a murderer.
00:48Yeah.
00:48Like an actual convicted murderer?
00:50He killed people.
00:51I know.
00:51It's crazy.
00:53And what?
00:53Did he ever go to jail?
00:54Yeah, in Boston.
00:55After dinner, I'll introduce you to my chimp, Elijah.
00:59He has an ulcer right now due to suppressed childhood trauma.
01:04Who's at you?
01:07Help!
01:09Fecal matter consists mostly of scaly pinkish warm.
01:12Sardines that fed on large brown algae, I'd say.
01:15There's also traces of tanker fuel and stormwater runoff as well.
01:18By night one way, by day another, this shall be the norm.
01:26Until you find true love's first kiss, then take love's true form.
01:32Do you understand how hard it is to pretend to be your buddy?
01:35David, I love you.
01:40I fucking love you.
01:42I fucking love you!
01:45Fuck!
01:45Maybe that's your problem.
01:47Wait, wait.
01:47What's my problem?
01:48I don't know.
01:48Maybe if you didn't play it so safe, Mr. Safety Pool, you might actually, I don't know,
01:52meet a girl that you could have fun with.
01:56Go back to the points and leave me to my business or I will open your throat.
01:59So help me God.
02:00All right.
02:05Maybe when I stop having visions of you two together, I will see your side.
02:15You gotta be...
02:16As her personal tutor, I guarantee personally that she will get an A.
02:21Or your money back.
02:25Well, say no more.
02:30Make it out to cash.
02:32So what you're saying is that instead of erasing the video like you said that you would,
02:35you actually ended up sending it to everyone that you've ever given one of those fucking iPads to?
02:41I just, like, I love it.
02:43Like, I'll give it to you two.
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