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00:00...at tomorrow.
00:22Welcome to America's Funniest Home Videos.
00:25And now, here he is, the host of our show,
00:28Alfonso Ribeiro!
00:33Whoo! Let's do it!
00:40Thank you, thank you, thank you.
00:41Thank you, come here. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
00:44Hello and welcome to AFV.
00:46Now, I must warn you that we made tonight's show extra funny.
00:50A little too funny, I'm afraid,
00:52so avoid drinking any liquids during the show
00:54for fear of doing a spit-take on a family member.
00:58Unless you've been wanting to do a spit-take on a family member
01:01and have just been waiting for the right excuse,
01:03in which case, forget what I just said,
01:05let the spit-takes begin.
01:07It's already 8 at night, it's so light, you guys.
01:11It's a beautiful evening to go boating.
01:16It's a valley, I know. Oh, my gosh.
01:21But she has to settle for floating.
01:24Interesting day on the ladies' team.
01:31A little-known method for scaring off bees?
01:34Littering!
01:41Jump out of the bed immediately.
01:43Or I'm going to quit doing that.
01:44And then I'm going to take away treats like the cookies we just made.
01:47And then we're going to stop doing stuff like cheerleading
01:49or anything like that.
01:50If you don't, start listening.
01:51So lay down.
01:52So that's how I want to play, huh?
02:03Before they decided to have a garage sale,
02:05they thought about just throwing their junk out.
02:07Well, it's still not too late.
02:20I don't know what this is.
02:21I don't know if I want to open it.
02:22Yeah, you don't have to.
02:24Ooh!
02:25All right!
02:27Good job, Allie!
02:28Whoo!
02:29Oh, my God, no, no!
02:32Well, the bridal shower invite didn't say,
02:34no kids allowed.
02:37The hoverboard craze started with a bang
02:44and ended with a smash.
02:51Please, let's close the window!
02:56There are two L's in llama
03:01and a whole lot of snot.
03:03That was fun!
03:04That was fun!
03:05That was fun!
03:12Release the hounds.
03:16It's time to go to the dog park.
03:19Oh, whiskey.
03:20Oh, honey.
03:22Are you serious right now?
03:24Oh, God.
03:26You're going to get me in trouble.
03:28I don't know if he's doing this because he loves mud
03:31or because he loves baths.
03:38All right.
03:39Wait.
03:40Stolen.
03:41She's trying the temptation challenge with her German shepherd.
03:45Stolen.
03:46Hey.
03:47Stolen.
03:48And that German shepherd's about to learn that it doesn't always pay to play by the rules.
03:53Especially when there's peanut butter on the line.
03:55Freeze!
04:04Some dogs bet.
04:05Some take a more hands-on approach.
04:07Three.
04:08She's like, look.
04:09Look, I'm a snake.
04:15Who did this?
04:17Who did it?
04:19She has a bad poker face.
04:22Who did that?
04:24And an even worse poker tail.
04:26Hershey?
04:28Was it you?
04:31Are you stuck, Romeo?
04:34Did you fall into a movie trap?
04:46Subtlety is not this dog's specialty.
04:48Aw, who can resist those sad puppy dog eyes?
05:09Someone tell him that he has a dog license, not a captain's license.
05:14Who, look him up!
05:23When you're having fun with your family, time flies.
05:26But when you're with your family watching videos of other people having fun with their families,
05:31time flies even faster.
05:33If you don't know what I mean, you will in another minute and 13 seconds.
05:37We come together, yeah, in stormy weather.
05:40And when it rains, you make it better.
05:44There's no you or I and we.
05:47Good times, bad times, you can count on me.
05:49We laugh, we cry, we family.
05:51Our roots in the twine just like a tree, yeah.
05:54To and fro, here we go.
05:56That's how we rollin', yeah.
05:58Back and forth, give and take.
06:00Let me kiss that boy.
06:02I got you.
06:05And you got me.
06:08Take all the pieces and they fit naturally.
06:13We're like family.
06:15We're just like family.
06:17We talk all day like words of time.
06:19When we disagree, we know things are fine.
06:21We gon' bounce right back, show a slice of pie.
06:23Two birds of a feather, that's how we fly.
06:25I got your back, you got mine.
06:27So if I beatbox, you kick the rhyme.
06:29Like, I'm groovin', you groovin', hey.
06:31I'm rollin', you rollin', hey.
06:33I got you.
06:35Yeah.
06:37And you got me.
06:41Take all the pieces and they fit naturally.
06:45We're like family.
06:47We're just like family.
06:48We're just like family.
06:53Got a funny video?
06:55Upload it to AFV.com.
06:59Take all the pieces and they fit naturally.
07:03We're like family.
07:09Half of the world is below average intelligence.
07:13That's not an insult.
07:15That's just simple math.
07:17Well, it's simple math for some people.
07:20I mean, not the people in this Boneheads package,
07:22but you know, some people.
07:25Nice cactuses.
07:27Or is it cacti?
07:29Well, whatever they're called, you probably don't want to sit on them.
07:36Good!
07:43The question we got on that little quiz last night when you were taking a bath,
07:49and it was when was basically America founded,
07:53and you didn't know the date.
07:55Do you remember what it was?
07:57No.
07:59It's not relevant.
08:01No one cares.
08:03No, no one cares?
08:05Why?
08:06What does your shirt say?
08:08I don't know.
08:09I hope they're not paying this guy by the hour.
08:28Hey, you got your Oreos!
08:30You stole your Oreos!
08:32I knew what bears do in the woods,
08:35and now I know what they do in the parking lot.
08:36Hi, Bear!
08:38I really didn't mean it.
08:40Ah!
08:41He's right there!
08:43I just hope he doesn't come back for milk.
08:47This is why they don't wear corsages in the LPGA.
08:50You ready?
08:51Yep.
08:52He brought his new driver all the way up the mountain.
08:53He should have brought his new gloves, too.
08:54I'm getting it.
08:55I'm getting it.
08:56I'm so glad I got that on video.
08:58I'm so glad I got that on video.
08:59Trash cans aren't really a joke.
09:00I'm getting it.
09:01I'm getting it.
09:02I'm getting it.
09:03I'm so glad I got that on video.
09:04Trash cans aren't really a top shelf item.
09:07I'm so glad I got that on video.
09:09the way up the mountain he should have brought his new gloves too trash cans
09:27aren't really a top-shelf item
09:39most of us know someone who's gotten suckered on some crypto scam it's terrible in fact i don't
09:45know what's worse losing money in crypto or getting hit really hard in the you know what
09:50well good news now you don't have to choose let's face it we all have dreams of getting rich
09:58but if you want to be some fat cat rolling around in money you need to either be a ceo
10:04win the lottery or invest in crypto if you'd invested in bitcoin years ago you'd be sitting
10:10pretty today but don't worry you haven't totally missed the boat introducing groin coin groin coin
10:18is the cryptocurrency that'll make you richer than you ever thunk just by shooting videos of dudes
10:23getting hit in the junk it's a digital currency yes a virtual coin that you earn when a man takes a shot
10:30to the groin most crypto is confusing what is it how exactly does it work the answer is nobody knows
10:38but groin coin is simple every time you capture someone getting hit in the business you earn a
10:45token that can be used to purchase goods or services from any merchant that accepts it so far the only
10:51business that takes groin coin is a vegan Mexican restaurant in central Arkansas as word spreads we
10:58expect it to be accepted nationwide this world just seems to keep getting dumber so there's no
11:04reason to think that groin coin could make you the next billionaire grab your phone and aim it at a male
11:10friend tends to make bad decisions and get ready to get rich groin coin will make you wealthy on either
11:16earth or Venus just by shooting videos of guys getting hit in the you know special place
11:22animals are a big part of AFV in fact they're practically my co-stars but don't tell them that
11:34they'd probably want to share my dressing room and I can only imagine what that would smell like
11:38anyway if you want to see animals go from supporting role to starring role check out
11:42disney zootopia 2 in theaters soon until then here are some animals AFV style this is our second
11:50attempt at recording this the cheetah was sitting here quietly behaving then it started pacing and going
11:57back and forth attentively looking see that intense look by the cheetah why does the cheetah look like
12:05this because mom is wearing a giraffe print she has the cheetahs full and undivided attention
12:14flamingos are pink and more curious than you'd think
12:27smoky says oh no he's going out there smoky's one of those horses that wishes his owner would hurry up
12:46and retire to Florida they put a lock on that garbage bin oh she got it up oh my gosh she got
13:06the very thing open that's what happened I closed it gonna climb it that kind of amateur stuff may keep
13:12out raccoons but it won't work on this guy this isn't nearly as relaxing as the brochure said it
13:30would be well at least she discovered a sheep form of transportation
13:40technically the alligator found this fishing spot before you did so he feels he's entitled to
13:53whatever you catch and since you didn't ask for permission to fish here he's gonna take your
13:58fishing rod two for good measure
14:00afv premiered in 1989 which means the signals from that first broadcast are now hurtling through space
14:2436 light years away that means an alien race might have seen them and thought yeah let's not go to
14:30earth there's no intelligent life worth investigating which would mean that afv may have accidentally
14:37prevented an alien invasion you're welcome she's porky which makes the bench stop working
14:49oh no no no no why doesn't he do that in the game mom why doesn't he do that in the game
15:11garfield hates mondays this cat hates everything
15:24wow stuntman training starts early in this house
15:36some fans are sports nuts others just hope there will be nuts at the game
15:54how does a baby who can't talk tell you she's hungry
16:04i think she likes it the tie and dress pants do not scream game ready
16:16she'll never forget her first trip to the petting zoo
16:30people love a good mystery why you ask because mysteries are fun
16:48duh what did you think i was going to say nobody knows it's a mystery i mean come on i'm better than
16:53that usually put your sleuthing cap on and get ready for some fun solved mysteries
17:01a cocktail conundrum why did hayley stop wanting to cheers when she has a few beers
17:08a vexing vehicle question what car drives all the chicks crazy
17:21a rotating riddle why is a thompson's new pool running three months behind schedule
17:35and an ordinary query why is the next generation of trapeze artists so hard to find
17:52a perplexing puzzle why were ted's kids the first kids in the neighborhood to learn what friction
18:06was
18:17these mysteries aren't just solved they're fun solved
18:26we're heading into the winner's circle it's kind of like the vip lounge of the afv airport there are no
18:32free snacks but the videos contain people who won so much money they can afford to buy their own snacks
18:39it's time to have a blast with some big winners from afv's past
18:46this paraglider is going to need a paramedic
19:03i ran let's do it again
19:06yeah now that was awesome
19:20when making a live stream mirror placement matters more than you'd think
19:31this is not the full body routine her followers were hoping for
19:36this is not the full body routine i think this yoga move is called
19:50back-side-facing husband
20:10he can't wait to play his new game
20:11this young influence is going to need a whole bunch of subscribers to pay for a new tv
20:33let's circle back next week for another winner's circle
20:53they say that the best way to learn a new language is to start with the phrases you're going to
20:58actually use the most that's why whenever i learn a new language i always start with the phrase here
21:03watch this all right now here don't watch of this so that's italian
21:13you learn a lot in college outside of the classroom like what not to tie a hammock to
21:26you learn a new language
21:29all right so we're getting ready to go to school
21:32and it is currently negative two degrees outside sub-freezing temperatures
21:39or as i call it nature's hairspray
21:44here's one way to get your dad to stop ringing the doorbell
21:54this kid's got the dance moves of a kid who's only playing baseball because his dad made him
22:10this dog has a fear of heights in fact they make her a little queasy
22:24he builds up his monitor injection to be way worse than it is
22:39she's helping mom in the kitchen
22:55letting her hold the phone is a recipe for disaster
23:11i'd use a fishing pole but that's just me
23:23that's just me
23:28did you ever notice the word dad takes on a whole new meaning when it follows the words nice one
23:34dad implies authority nice one dad implies buffoonery dad radiates love nice one dad radiates
23:42i love that that happened to you and i love that i got it on video
23:52this court has seen its fair share of trash talk
23:54that dude with the shovel does something his son really digs
24:23that's what i'm talking about
24:37their dad doesn't have nearly enough zip for that zip line
24:41quick send in to calvary or at least someone with a paddleboard
24:56i think that goose is mad he wasn't invited to the cookout
25:10i'm not getting down there near him
25:24he thinks those turkey burgers are someone he knows
25:39please open up dad's not an actual dentist but even a pretend dentist should know which tooth he's supposed to pull
25:46you put my top one out
25:51what not my bottom one
25:53why did you pull that one out
25:57you pulled your top one out
26:00yeah
26:00adam it was the bottom one
26:04my advice don't be messing with a bulging bottle of dressing
26:14i didn't do it i'm telling you something
26:21wanna solve the energy crisis figure out how to tap into the unlimited energy of a pet with the zoomies
26:28seriously how cool would it be to be able to say your house was puppy powered
26:33well until someone figures that out
26:34we'll have to settle for a montage of pets who were as crazy as it gets
26:50ready running in circles
27:13oh
27:20Oh, oh, oh, oh.
27:50Oh, oh, oh, oh.
27:52Oh, oh, oh.
27:54Oh, oh, oh.
27:59Upload your funny video to AFV.com for your chance at 20 grand.
28:13Hey, Alfonso.
28:15Hey, Alfonso.
28:19Can we see some more birthday videos?
28:22Ha-ha.
28:23OK, Isabelle and Isla.
28:24You want to see more birthday videos?
28:26Well, here is my gift to you.
28:28You might want to save the receipt in case they don't fit.
28:31OK, Jason, tell me what you want for your birthday party.
28:33Let me just pee for a minute.
28:35Oh.
28:41Are you done?
28:42Yep.
28:43OK.
28:45Happy St. Patrick's Day 76th birthday.
28:49I love to bake with you.
28:52I am glad that you did not die yet.
28:55I love to be with you so much.
28:59Thank you, Claire.
29:01Thank you so much.
29:06Hey.
29:07A new phone.
29:10And I hope a new protection plan came with it.
29:18Forget the lap dance.
29:19Break out the lap cake.
29:22Bring in the sugar.
29:23Happy birthday to you.
29:35This 96-year-old thinks that age is just a number.
29:38And many more.
29:43And that number can be whatever you want it to be.
29:46John's 60.
29:47I had a birthday Thursday.
29:48I'm sorry.
29:49I had a birthday Thursday.
29:50And the only person that didn't wish me a happy birthday is this one here snorting.
30:05Happy birthday.
30:06I'm sorry.
30:07I didn't get a birthday card from her.
30:09I'm sorry.
30:10I'm sorry.
30:11From her.
30:12I'm sorry.
30:13Turn around here so we can see her red face.
30:14I'm sorry.
30:15Now, what do you think about this?
30:16I turned 58.
30:17I'm not too far behind him now, am I?
30:18I'm terrible.
30:19I'm terrible.
30:20I'm sorry.
30:22You're spending too much going on at work.
30:25What did you do?
30:27Do you?
30:28No.
30:29Where's the cake?
30:30It's a good thing birthdays only come once a year.
30:34Where's the cake?
30:35Oh, there they.
30:37Oh, my God.
30:41Really?
30:43Why you did that?
30:46Clean it?
30:48Clean it?
30:49Mommy has to clean it?
30:51Daddy, Mom.
30:52What?
30:53I want to sing happy birthday today.
30:56Do you want to sing happy birthday today?
30:58Yes.
30:59Yeah.
31:00His birthday is tomorrow, baby.
31:01No.
31:02It's tomorrow.
31:03I don't want that.
31:04Do you just want to sing me happy birthday so you can have some cake?
31:07Yeah.
31:08You don't care about my birthday?
31:10No.
31:12You just want the cake?
31:13Yeah.
31:14Do you know what the world needs now?
31:23An involuntary nose picker.
31:31Oh, my gosh.
31:32I hope you've enjoyed an involuntary nose picker.
31:41Ever go to a concert and toward the end you get sad because you don't want it to end?
31:45Well, that's where we find ourselves.
31:47The show's almost over, but I don't want you to get sad because then you won't enjoy what's left.
31:51Plus, we don't do that lame encore thing where we pretend the show's over and then I walk back out and do a little more.
31:58When I say goodnight, it really is goodnight.
32:01I got places to be.
32:03You know who's not a fan of above-ground pool horseplay?
32:07The neighbors down the hill.
32:24This woman doesn't think that bug zapper works.
32:28It's not bad.
32:30And as you might guess, she's just going to keep tempting fate.
32:33Oh.
32:35Whoa.
32:37It's done.
32:39It's not doing anything.
32:41It's not doing anything.
32:43Famous last words for a bug zapper tester.
32:45It's not doing anything.
32:47Darren.
32:48Your battery.
32:50It's not doing anything.
32:51No.
32:52No.
32:53Oh!
32:54Please tell me you got that.
32:57Oh my God.
32:58I'm eating it.
32:59You're eating the wax too?
33:00Yeah.
33:01How's that taste?
33:02Good.
33:03I'm eating it.
33:08You're eating the wax, too?
33:09Yeah.
33:10How's it taste?
33:11Good.
33:12No, she's crazy, right?
33:18So I'm not sure I can come home today,
33:20because these have been outside my car all day.
33:24I try to get Tylenol.
33:26They start screaming.
33:29If geese have to fly south for the winter,
33:31they don't think it's fair that you get to just drive home from work.
33:44All the way.
33:45All the way back to the house.
33:53Sure, buying a lake house sounded like it would be relaxing.
34:01Ah, the old ice cube and the butt crack prank.
34:17But hold a celebration until you see that cube's final destination.
34:22Oh, no.
34:29Come on, I'm sorry.
34:30There's no one second.
34:31You gotta go.
34:32Tucker, you're late.
34:34Do something stupid.
34:35Fast.
34:35Fast.
34:35There's a unique creature I want to discuss.
35:00Latin name Dorcas male parentis.
35:03But you know them as dorky dads.
35:05You may have seen them embarrassing their kids
35:07by trying the latest dance craze
35:09or falling off a ladder and hanging by their underpants.
35:12But they're not just cringy.
35:14They're also tonight's assignment America.
35:15Earlier tonight, we showed a bunch of dads with no clue.
35:18Now it's up to Jess to tell him what to do.
35:22Is your dad dorky to no end?
35:24Does his goofiness embarrass you in front of your friends?
35:27Well, your foolish father might earn you a truckload of cash.
35:30How about 20 or even 100 grand?
35:33Just upload the video to AFV.com.
35:35For full contest rules, log on to AFV.com.
35:37When it comes to dads, it's the dorkier the better
35:39to win a whole lot of cheddar.
35:47We're sprinting to the finish like a dog office leash,
35:51but let's see who's gonna fetch the cashish.
35:53Let's meet our finalists.
35:55First up, putting your kid to bed is no easy scene,
35:58especially when backtalk becomes part of the routine.
36:01It's Little Lady Giving Lip,
36:03sent in by Carrie Teague from Alpharetta, Georgia.
36:07Jump out of bed immediately,
36:09or I'm gonna quit doing that,
36:10and then I'm gonna take away treats
36:11like the cookies we just made,
36:12and then we're gonna stop doing stuff like cheerleading
36:14or anything like that.
36:15If you don't start listening, so lay down.
36:18So that's how we wanna play, huh?
36:20Oh, she don't get hurt.
36:28Joining us tonight are Joe, Carrie, Remy, Raelynn, and Rogan.
36:33Now, Joe, you were laying down the law with Remy at bedtime.
36:36What was the reason for that?
36:38Well, bedtime, like so many parents,
36:42just doesn't quite go the way we want it to,
36:46and I'll try to throw out some iffy consequences,
36:49but she was on to me.
36:50Yeah, we all know that,
36:52but what went through your head
36:54when you heard her response?
36:57Disbelief.
36:58I just couldn't believe what she said.
37:00I went and told my wife,
37:01you won't believe what I just heard,
37:03and we looked at the camera,
37:04and we were just dying laughing all night long.
37:07Well, that's awesome.
37:08Now, normally I'd say,
37:10it doesn't pay to be sassy,
37:12but if you win tonight,
37:13I'll admit that I was wrong.
37:16We hope.
37:17Yes, exactly.
37:18Good luck, y'all.
37:20All right.
37:21Next up, the dog's on the balcony,
37:24but what you know,
37:25she's going to start barfing,
37:26so look out below.
37:28It's retching rover sent in by Davide Vasile
37:31from Jacksonville, North Carolina.
37:34This dog has a fear of heights.
37:36In fact, they make her a little queasy.
37:43Ew!
37:44Joining us tonight are Davide,
37:50Elizabeth, Matteo, Alessio, and Bluey.
37:53Now, Matteo,
37:54you suddenly felt something very wet
37:56on your bare back.
37:58When did you realize you got barfed on?
38:00Uh, I thought my mom took water on my bed.
38:06But it clearly was not water, right?
38:09All right.
38:09Well, listen,
38:10I hope this didn't ruin your favorite spot on the couch, y'all.
38:14No, she had a targeted strike,
38:16and it made it all on Matteo.
38:18And I love that.
38:20So good luck, y'all.
38:22And finally,
38:24some like big birthdays,
38:26some celebrate discreetly,
38:27but no one likes their spouse
38:29to forget it completely.
38:30It's Wife's Birthday Blunder
38:32sent in by Kathy Lowe
38:33from Linwood, Kansas.
38:36John's 60.
38:37I had a birthday Thursday.
38:38I had a birthday Thursday,
38:45and the only person
38:46that didn't wish me a happy birthday
38:47is this one here snorting.
38:50Happy birthday.
38:51I'm sorry.
38:52I didn't get a birthday card from her.
38:53I'm sorry.
38:55I'm sorry.
38:56Joining us are Kathy and Lobo.
38:59Now, Kathy,
39:00you obviously felt bad
39:01about overlooking Lobo's 60th birthday,
39:03but was there at least
39:05some kind of celebration later,
39:07or did Lobo have to sing
39:08happy birthday to himself?
39:10No, I believe I tried to make up for it
39:13and have done it ever since.
39:15Okay, well,
39:16but what's the statute of limitations
39:17on forgetting your spouse's birthday?
39:19Are you still bringing it up, Lobo?
39:22Yeah, every once in a while,
39:24but she's doing a better job every year,
39:27so I don't have to worry about it next year.
39:29I like that.
39:30I like that,
39:30because, well,
39:31if it was my birthday
39:32and my wife forgot it,
39:33I'd never let it go.
39:37Good luck.
39:38That's not right.
39:38That's not right.
39:40All right.
39:40We're going to find out
39:41who takes home the cash
39:42in just a minute,
39:43but first,
39:44let's take a look
39:44at some of the clips
39:45that didn't make our top three
39:46in tonight's honorable mention.
39:48That's not right.
39:56Oh, my God.
40:26Okay, it's time to hand out tonight's prizes.
40:28$20,000 for first, $6,000 for second, and $4,000 for third.
40:32Here we go.
40:33Our third-placed $4,000 winner is...
40:36Wretching Rover, sent in by Davide Vasile from Jacksonville, North Carolina.
40:45And the winner of the $20,000 in tonight's Funniest Home Video is...
40:50Little Lady Given Lips, sent in by Carrie King from Alpharetta, Georgia.
40:54We have Remy, Joe, Carrie, Raelynn, and Rogan.
40:59Congratulations!
41:02Carrie, would you say this is the first time Remy's sass has caught you off guard,
41:08or is this like a reoccurring theme?
41:11Oh, this is reoccurring.
41:12First time that we're getting paid for it, though.
41:14But it's definitely reoccurring.
41:16I like that.
41:18Remy, what do you think of this whole experience of having your video on AFE?
41:24I like it.
41:27Well, we gave you $20,000 for being so funny,
41:31because that's how we like to play.
41:35Congratulations.
41:37You got $20,000 and a shot at $100,000.
41:41Congratulations.
41:42Yay!
41:42Thank you so much!
41:43Well, that's our show, so I'm going to say goodnight,
41:48because I still don't know how to pronounce
41:50art, riv, war, war, uh, oh, ravioli, uh, you know what, you know what,
41:56whatever it is, I can't say it.
41:57So we'll see you next time.
41:58But don't forget, if you upload a video and it airs on the show,
42:01we'll send you an AFE t-shirt.
42:03So goodnight, everybody.
42:03Remember, send your video to me.
42:05You might win 20 Gs.
42:07You might win 20 Gs.
42:37You might win 20 Gs.
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