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00:00.
00:07Very excited about today's show.
00:09We have got an England player on the show today.
00:12Not just any England player, a goal-scoring England player.
00:14A player that I've admired for many years.
00:17An absolute legend who's unbelievable in the Euros.
00:21England international.
00:23An England player?
00:24Oh no, I never signed up for that kind of s***.
00:30Go on, Robes!
00:46Hello, I'm Robes.
00:48This is the League of the Rogue.
00:50Let's meet the teams in the blue corner.
00:53Joining Jill Scott and Micah Richards is a comedian who's such a big Scotland fan
00:57that tonight is going home after the first round.
00:59It's Kevin Bridget!
01:01CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:04And joining Jamie Redknapp on the red team is a comedian
01:07who's a friend to the show but enemy to hairdressers everywhere
01:10is Maisie Adam!
01:12CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:14Really? Really?
01:16Really good!
01:18And joining them tonight, our very special guest.
01:21It is Aston Villa, an England striker,
01:25and the reason you threw a pint over your head last summer,
01:28the one and only...
01:29Olly Watkins!
01:31CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:36Olly Watkins, everybody!
01:38CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:40Thanks for coming on the show.
01:55Now listen, you were undoubtedly responsible for the moment of last summer.
02:00Have a look at this.
02:01Here's Watkins, right at the end, trying to turn it over!
02:07And Olly Watkins has in the final minute of the semi-final!
02:11CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
02:13England's players spill onto the pitch!
02:16CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
02:18CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
02:21How incredible was that?
02:23Probably the best feeling in my career.
02:25Obviously, when you score a goal, it's unbelievable,
02:28but to do it for your country, you can see the emotion on my face,
02:32everything, like, ah.
02:34Yeah.
02:35I mean, listen, I know what it's like to score a goal,
02:37but I only ever did it for Real Madrid.
02:39So...
02:41Bit of a different level.
02:43But I admit, like, your face was just, like,
02:47you were so alive.
02:49It's just an amazing feeling, right?
02:50Yeah, but I called it, like, I said,
02:52the boys on the bench, I was sat there,
02:54there was these big leather seats,
02:56and I said to the lads, I was like,
02:57I'm gonna score.
02:58I was like, how are you gonna get over?
02:59And they're like,
03:00we'll just fucking climb over.
03:02LAUGHTER
03:04Legend of the goal, to score in the semi-final
03:06and then to go on and win the runners-up medal,
03:09what an achievement, man.
03:10LAUGHTER
03:11I was gonna say, don't give it that.
03:12You'd be celebrating.
03:13You were celebrating when we lost, didn't you?
03:15No.
03:16I don't think it was, as a Scottish person,
03:18that was...
03:19it was funny.
03:20LAUGHTER
03:21But I don't think it's the best heartbreak.
03:23There's been better ones.
03:24I mean, it's barely even top five, man.
03:26But the previous Euro's penalties is always good,
03:28but enjoy that.
03:29LAUGHTER
03:30And then Iceland was a nice one.
03:32Lampard's disallowed exit,
03:34a couple of nice Portugals.
03:36LAUGHTER
03:37I'd say just do it top five, Oli, but...
03:40At least we made out of the group.
03:41LAUGHTER
03:42I know.
03:43That's of it.
03:44That's of it.
03:45Go on, Oli!
03:46Go on!
03:47And we managed...
03:48We managed six shots in the entire tournament, mate.
03:51There we go.
03:52Not even shots on target.
03:53Just shots.
03:54LAUGHTER
03:55As a nation, there are positives to take for that.
03:59LAUGHTER
04:00Now, Oli, I've actually got a bone to pick with you, OK?
04:03Cos me and my family play Fantasy Premier League.
04:06We're all in a league together,
04:08and my wife basically picks the players that she fancies, OK?
04:13LAUGHTER
04:14Her team's called Sexy Ballers.
04:15LAUGHTER
04:16And up front, she's picked you.
04:18So that's pretty out of order, isn't it?
04:20I mean, let's...
04:21APPLAUSE
04:23Go on, Lisa!
04:24Let's put to one side the fact
04:25that we're talking about a 45-year-old woman
04:27choosing amongst men in their 20s.
04:29LAUGHTER
04:30Hold on, Rom.
04:31She's got one for ex-players as well.
04:33Pardon?
04:34It's more like a WhatsApp group, though.
04:36I've got the players here.
04:37Me.
04:38Dion Dublin.
04:39Akin Femois.
04:40Carlos Holt.
04:42Didier Drogba.
04:44Yaya Toure.
04:45I mean, I'm not jumping to conclusions,
04:47but I think she's got a type.
04:49Well...
04:50APPLAUSE
04:53Whoo!
04:55APPLAUSE
04:57I never made that team.
04:59LAUGHTER
05:02LAUGHTER
05:07But anyway, listen, Ollie, I just want to say,
05:09it's always nice to come face-to-face with someone
05:10your wife would like to sleep with.
05:12LAUGHTER
05:13The main thing is, you sound really fine about it.
05:15Yeah, listen, I'm fine about it.
05:16My marriage is a hollow shell.
05:18Is he triple-captain as well?
05:20Oh, she'd love to triple-captain him.
05:22LAUGHTER
05:23She would triple-captain him all night long.
05:25Give you a right old bench boost, mate.
05:27LAUGHTER
05:28This has gone down ill quick.
05:30Maisie, do you think she got it right there?
05:33Do I think your wife got it right in fancying Ollie Watkins?
05:36Mm.
05:37This is his first time on the show.
05:38We're not going to objectify it.
05:39I had you in my fantasy Premier League, Ollie.
05:42You were fantastic,
05:43and I picked you purely off your footballing merits, actually,
05:45because I've got nothing but respect.
05:47I picked you because of your football ability.
05:49LAUGHTER
05:50What a nerd.
05:51LAUGHTER
05:53Now, Ollie, it's been an amazing journey for you,
05:55but it's fair to say it hasn't been a surprise to everyone, has it?
05:58Because...
05:59Let's take a look at the award your head teacher gave you
06:01when you were leaving school in Year 11.
06:03The award you got was the award for student
06:05most likely to be on a disgusting weekly salary.
06:08LAUGHTER
06:09At what point at school did you realise
06:10you were going to be too good to bother studying?
06:13No, to be fair, I always said I put my eggs in one basket.
06:17I'll tell you what, my wife would love to put her eggs in your basket.
06:20I'll tell you that for nothing.
06:21I wouldn't mind either, to be fair.
06:23LAUGHTER
06:24APPLAUSE
06:33Have some of that!
06:34LAUGHTER
06:36Uh, Meeks, how do you feel about how much money
06:38footballers are making today?
06:40Um, not great, to be honest.
06:42Imagine if you played now,
06:43you'd be able to buy yourself a shirt.
06:45LAUGHTER
06:47LAUGHTER
06:52APPLAUSE
06:53Wow.
06:54Let's crack on with round one.
06:55Uh, red team, have a look at this.
06:57The Rafe...
06:59The Rafe...
07:00The Rafe...
07:01Greenwich scores!
07:02Inequality, composure,
07:04Jack Greenwich has both.
07:08Wonderful play by MartÃnez.
07:10What a small double!
07:11Outrageous from the goalkeeper.
07:13The Rafe...
07:14The Rafe...
07:15The Rafe...
07:16The Rafe...
07:17The Rafe...
07:18The Rafe...
07:19The Rafe...
07:20The Rafe...
07:21The Rafe...
07:22The Rafe...
07:23The Rafe...
07:24The Rafe...
07:25The Rafe...
07:26So there you saw Alan the Drid Jude Bellingham,
07:28trying to match with Jack Greenwich,
07:30and just plain mad Emi Martinez.
07:32Uh, Oli's played with all three of them,
07:33but can you match them to their unbelievable fact?
07:36Who can't wink?
07:38Who let his dog poo on the training pitch?
07:40And who had a clause in his contract
07:42that would entitle him to £20,000
07:44if he managed to pass an exam at Cambridge University?
07:47First thoughts, Jay?
07:48What's that?
07:49First thoughts.
07:50Oh, first thoughts.
07:51Um...
07:52Any thoughts?
07:53Any thoughts?
07:54Um...
07:55Can we...
07:56No?
07:57OK.
07:58Shall we...
07:59Shall we crack off?
08:00I actually think they could all be Jack.
08:02Yeah.
08:03Well, Jack always used to bring his dog into training.
08:05Oh, there you go.
08:06Nice.
08:07And does that dog have a poo-y vibe?
08:09Yeah, cock-a-poo.
08:11Yeah, there you go, Sue.
08:12He does tons as well.
08:13This guy, Lisa's gonna love smashing the shit out of you.
08:17Have you ever seen Jack Grealish wink?
08:20Uh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
08:21Jack can wink.
08:22Yeah.
08:23Jamie definitely can't wink anyway.
08:24Why?
08:25Your face is frozen.
08:28Go on.
08:29We're laughing.
08:31Move your eyebrows.
08:32Go on.
08:33See?
08:34How hard is that going?
08:35I'm a proper winker.
08:36Uh, we all love Jude, don't we?
08:37Yeah.
08:38Yeah.
08:39You love Jude, right?
08:40Yeah, he is.
08:41And, listen, I don't want to...
08:42I know this is gonna sound weird, but he looks like he'd smell incredible.
08:44Does he?
08:45I know what you mean.
08:46Yeah.
08:47To be fair, I've not got that close to him, because he played for blues before, didn't he?
08:48Oh, OK.
08:49That connection.
08:50So he stinks.
08:51Stinky.
08:52Yeah.
08:53Surely.
08:54Every footballer smells quite good, Ollie.
08:55Who's the smelliest player in the England squad?
08:57Oh.
08:58Just don't get smelly.
08:59Jamie's day.
09:00There's a few.
09:01Big razor.
09:02Ruddock.
09:03Yeah.
09:04He looked fucking sulfuric.
09:05Then he just looked like he's got a decent fart, but I think that's gone.
09:08I think the modern game is really missing.
09:09Smelly bastards.
09:10Yeah, everyone's into it.
09:11You see the washbas.
09:12Yeah.
09:13He's got a decent fart, and I think that's gone.
09:15Yeah.
09:16You see the washbas that we carry into the games, I've got the smellies.
09:19Mika, no.
09:20Smell Jamie, go on.
09:21Fresh leather.
09:22Nice.
09:23It's coming to me tonight, isn't it?
09:25Now, what about Jack Grealish?
09:26Er, Ollie, he's got a sore throat.
09:27He's got a sore throat.
09:28Oh.
09:29Oh, no, he's got a sore throat.
09:31He's got a sore throat.
09:32Oh, no, no, no.
09:33No.
09:34He's got a sore throat.
09:35Oh, yeah.
09:36No, no.
09:38No.
09:39He's coming at me tonight, isn't he?
09:42Now, what about Jack Grealish?
09:44Ollie, you spent the season with Jack at Villa.
09:46Was it as fun as it looks from the outside?
09:48Well, let's put it this way.
09:49I've been on a few nights out with Jack,
09:51and if you want to go out with someone, he's the man to go out with.
09:54But on the pitch as well, like, he's unbelievable.
09:58I think he made it quite clear when he was sipping for a bottle of vodka.
10:03Yeah.
10:04When he won the Champions League and he was just on the podium
10:06drinking straight vodka, that's impressive, isn't it?
10:08And it's how to crush any rumors that you're moving to the Saudi League.
10:11And it just...
10:13Now, Jill, this is all about Ollie's team-mates.
10:16Were you a good team-mate, do you think?
10:18Yeah, I think I was, actually.
10:19When I retired, I was quite proud,
10:21because all the messages I got was,
10:23you were a great team-mate, always helping, always giving.
10:26Played 161 times for England, no-one said,
10:29oh, I remember a good game or a good performance.
10:32So I was a good team-mate, but a shit player, I think.
10:35To be honest.
10:37Ellie, you are such a good team-mate,
10:39that someone you played with actually named their son after you.
10:41Is that right?
10:42Oh, wow.
10:43Yeah, I had a message in the Euros, actually, from Neil Mobile,
10:46saying, uh, just, hi, mate, how are you?
10:49Just to let you know I've named my son after you.
10:51Um...
10:52Ah.
10:53Your name is son Ollie Watkins?
10:55No, no, no, no.
10:57No, it was just random.
10:58It was just random.
10:59I didn't expect it.
11:00I thought he was asking for his signed shirt or something like that, but...
11:02Jay, honest question.
11:04Yeah.
11:05If you were to have another boy, would you call it Ramesh or Micah?
11:08Wow.
11:09Right, I've got seven.
11:11You've got seven?
11:12Well, yeah, and stepkids.
11:14Yeah, I'm not having any more.
11:15And I wouldn't name it after you.
11:16If I had to, in a, like, parallel universe, have another kid, and if I wasn't married,
11:23I'd have it with Jill.
11:24What?
11:25Wow.
11:26I would.
11:27That would have to be a hell of a fucking parallel universe, by the way.
11:31Why would you have it with Jill?
11:33She'd be good.
11:34She'd be good.
11:35What does that mean?
11:36What?
11:37What?
11:38It's obviously her dreamer.
11:41I...
11:42No, I don't...
11:43That's...
11:44No.
11:45You're clapping at the wrong thing.
11:46I don't think...
11:47Because we wouldn't do, like, that.
11:49No, we wouldn't have thingy.
11:50We would...
11:51Jamie, just show up, please.
11:52You dig it.
11:54Jamie, Jamie.
11:55No, I don't mean...
11:56Because...
11:57You're 57 years old and you still call it thingy?
11:59Do you mean IVF?
12:02No, he does not mean IVF, trust me.
12:04He means he wouldn't do dirty stuff with you.
12:07No, because, like, I think, Jill, between us, like, one of the greatest midfield players
12:13ever to play for their country, and Jill, we would have...
12:18We would have a...
12:19Honestly, and a bit of...
12:21It would need...
12:22It would need some...
12:23No.
12:24No.
12:25No.
12:26No.
12:27It would need some northern grit.
12:28OK.
12:29Because if we're going to create a...
12:30Like, you know what I mean?
12:31We're Project Bellingham, between us.
12:33OK.
12:34We could do that, yeah?
12:35Yeah.
12:36You think if you'd have a kid, it'd look like Jude Bellingham?
12:38LAUGHTER
12:45To be fair.
12:46To be fair.
12:47Jill, help me, because I'm digging myself a big hole here.
12:49To be fair, I've got two minutes dispersed.
12:52Yay!
12:53Well, you can go three times.
12:55Amazing.
12:56Uh...
12:57Are you in?
12:58Yeah.
12:59Go on.
13:00She'll have to ask you that.
13:01Are you in?
13:02LAUGHTER
13:07Who else?
13:08What?
13:09LAUGHTER
13:10OK.
13:11Red team.
13:12I need an answer from you.
13:13OK?
13:14So what do you think?
13:15Jack with the dog.
13:16If you just tuned in, now, and you just see Jack Grealish,
13:19with a dog shitting on top of his head.
13:22What would you think's happened to League of Their Own?
13:24LAUGHTER
13:25Do you think Emmy can't wank?
13:27Wink?
13:28LAUGHTER
13:29APPLAUSE
13:30APPLAUSE
13:36APPLAUSE
13:37You think Emmy can't wink?
13:39And Jude, with the exam.
13:41Well, I can tell you that Jack Grealish let his dog poo on the training pitch.
13:46Yes.
13:47It's Jude Bellingham that can't wink.
13:49What?
13:50And it's Emmy Martinez that had a 20 grand clause in his contract
13:52as long as he passed an exam at Cambridge.
13:54So, red team, you have scored one point.
13:56No!
13:57Wow!
13:58Sorry.
13:59APPLAUSE
14:01Now, look, I know it sounds unlikely that Jude Bellingham can't wink,
14:05alright?
14:06Er, but let's have a look.
14:08And bear in mind, guys, people suffering with eye-related issues
14:11is a serious subject and people shouldn't laugh.
14:13LAUGHTER
14:14So let's all just watch in respectful silence.
14:16Have a look at this.
14:17LAUGHTER
14:18LAUGHTER
14:19LAUGHTER
14:26LAUGHTER
14:27LAUGHTER
14:28Oh, no!
14:29It's, um...
14:30It's like he's trying to signal to his family that he's OK.
14:32LAUGHTER
14:34APPLAUSE
14:39APPLAUSE
14:46Er, OK.
14:47This question is for you, Blue Team.
14:49Have a look at this.
14:51What
14:53On your left, one, two, and then...
14:55So there you saw Euro's winner, Serena Vivian, up the Villarunei Emery, and a bit vanilla,
15:23Gareth Southgate.
15:24Now, they are three of football's most likeable bosses, but what I want to know is who threw
15:29up on their chairman's shoes, who picked a starting 11 by literally rolling dice, and
15:34who wouldn't let a player drink water unless everyone in the squad was drinking water too?
15:40Jill, what are your first thoughts?
15:42Well, I don't think Southgate would roll a dice.
15:44He's not really, like, risk-taking, is he?
15:47His biggest risk is probably, do I wear a cardigan or a waistcoat?
15:52Is he a likeable boss, Ollie?
15:54No, he's a nice guy, really nice guy, obviously.
15:56He's gone, mate, you can see what you want.
15:59I feel sorry for him.
16:00He's obviously got people like Mika slagging him off every week.
16:04What's your podcast?
16:05The rest is football.
16:06The rest is football.
16:07You, Grinica, and She-Ra, all slagging off.
16:11Did you remember it?
16:12It was slagging you off.
16:13No, I wasn't.
16:13Yeah, he was, I heard that.
16:14You were?
16:15I wasn't, wasn't I?
16:16I was going to pick where you meet.
16:17No, I was saying, ollie, ollie, ollie, get him on.
16:20No, you weren't.
16:20When did you read it?
16:21Because you can't read.
16:22I was, well, I can listen, I can listen.
16:26Can I just say, Jeremy's response was not, I can read, it's, I can listen.
16:29And I'm working on the reading, so fuck you.
16:38Ollie, how aware were you about what was being said when you're actually out of the tournament?
16:44I wasn't playing, so it didn't really affect me.
16:45I was kind of just going about my day-to-day business, but I think it got to some of the boys,
16:51you know.
16:51Do you feel they particularly were aggrieved at what Meeks was saying?
16:54Because he really did go in, do you know what I mean?
16:56Like, he was...
16:57Yeah, I think he was talking the changing room, to be fair.
16:59Yeah.
17:00How can he do that?
17:01He used to play here.
17:03He used to sit on the bench like us, and stuff like that, so...
17:05LAUGHTER
17:07He should know better.
17:08Wow, ollie!
17:12I was joking, mate, I was joking, I was joking.
17:16I heard that Gareth threatened you till he'd bash you up.
17:18No.
17:19No, I wasn't.
17:20We had a little incident, didn't we?
17:22I think it was a couple months before, and I saw him in a coffee shop,
17:26Saw who, Gareth?
17:27Gareth.
17:27Yeah.
17:28We live in the same place in Harrogate, and I was going to get a coffee,
17:34and do you know when you sort of see someone, just as you left...
17:37Mate, I can see someone over there.
17:39LAUGHTER
17:40You don't need to tell me.
17:41And we sort of locked eyes a little bit, and he just went...
17:44Really?
17:46Like...
17:47Did he tie you up?
17:48Cosmissive.
17:49So I tried to, like, you know, get out of the coffee shop,
17:52sort of like moonwalking, like ridiculous, with my shoulders and my height.
17:57So let me get this straight.
17:58You saw Gareth Southgate, he did it with Tiff,
18:00and you did an impersonation of Michael Jackson.
18:01LAUGHTER
18:02That was your strategy.
18:04You went...
18:05..and then just moonwalked out of the coffee shop.
18:07LAUGHTER
18:08I shouldn't have said that about you, Gareth.
18:09I'm so sorry, I'm out of here.
18:10Who's bad?
18:11LAUGHTER
18:18During his plane days, Gareth was known...
18:20It's a massive surprising fact.
18:22Gareth was known as a sensible one.
18:24On nights out, he'd have to book taxis and tell the others to go home.
18:28Jay, were you anything like that on a night out?
18:30No.
18:32He didn't come out on the dentist's chair night, Gareth.
18:34No.
18:35That sums it up.
18:36That's when we knew he was going to be the next England manager.
18:37LAUGHTER
18:39The only player that didn't come out on our Euros night party
18:42was Ellen White, and nine months later, she had a baby.
18:45What...? Was it a fella?
18:47Yeah.
18:48LAUGHTER
18:50What else do you think she did?
18:51Hold on, keep going, mate.
18:52I want to hear what you've got to say, mate.
18:53He's talking about IVF or...
18:55Can I tell you something?
18:56I think you've been hanging out with Jamie too long.
18:58He's rubbing off on me, isn't he? He's thick.
19:00LAUGHTER
19:02What, so you think that night she headed to an IVF clinic
19:05and just got an insertion of an embryo and then had a baby?
19:09I don't know how it works.
19:10How was your night out?
19:11Yeah, I'm not. Absolute mad one.
19:12So, we did tequila, then we had a fishbowl, properly got on it.
19:15You're not going to believe it.
19:16Only ended up in an IVF clinic.
19:17LAUGHTER
19:20Threw it out of questionnaire, paid the money.
19:22Next thing you know, I'm walking out there with an embryo.
19:23LAUGHTER
19:26Now, one of these managers wouldn't allow players to drink water
19:28unless everyone in the squad was also drinking water.
19:31Kev, if you were a football manager, what kind of rules would you bring in?
19:34Eh, stop cutting holes in the back of your socks.
19:37What's that?
19:39I've not done that, to be fair.
19:40Yeah, I think that's for aesthetics as well.
19:42Yeah, if you've got big calves, that's why...
19:44Jack Grealish always wears his socks low
19:46because the socks are tight round his calves.
19:48Does he cut them in the back?
19:50Jude Bellingham does.
19:51I... You know a lot about the way that squad wear their socks, Jamie.
19:55You've really studied this, eh, squad's socks.
19:58You know what, you know your shirt, you know your socks, mate.
20:02Kev, Kev, can I just stop you a second?
20:03Jamie, I'm just going to ask you and I accept whatever answer.
20:06Can you understand what Kev is saying?
20:07LAUGHTER
20:09He's not even this bad sign.
20:11He's talked for quite a while.
20:12I could see the lights going out.
20:14LAUGHTER
20:22What? Ask me again, I'll listen.
20:24I was saying, Jamie, I feel like I'm talking to fucking Alexa here.
20:28LAUGHTER
20:31Are you still there?
20:32Hey, Jamie!
20:34LAUGHTER
20:35I was saying...
20:37I was... We were talking about socks, right,
20:39and then you told me that Grealish wears his socks low,
20:42and then you said something about another player in the England squad's socks,
20:46and I was saying that you seem to know a lot
20:48about this particular England squad's sock-wearing habits,
20:51and then anarchy and should.
20:53LAUGHTER
20:54It's a fetish, what can I say?
20:56Right.
20:57No, Kev, I love you, man.
20:59I love you as well, Jamie, mate.
21:00I know you don't understand that, but I love you.
21:02LAUGHTER
21:04We sat together at a wedding one night.
21:05Oh, really?
21:06Aye. We had a couple of people between us,
21:08what, translating? It was a good night, wasn't it?
21:09LAUGHTER
21:10As soon as your manager...
21:12Yeah.
21:13..do you understand him?
21:14Yeah.
21:15What's the difference between him and me?
21:16What?
21:17LAUGHTER
21:21OK, blue team, I need an answer from you.
21:25OK.
21:26Who do you think threw up on their chairman's shoes?
21:28Who rolled a dice to pick their team,
21:29and who wouldn't let anyone drink water
21:30unless everyone was drinking water?
21:33I think Serena might be the water.
21:36I'm Emery, with a date.
21:37That's what I was thinking.
21:39What do you think rolled a dice at?
21:40What would he do to roll a dice to pick the players?
21:42I know, that's what I mean.
21:44I know, it'd be so funny watching Jay doing it.
21:46Just, OK, I'm going to roll the dice to choose a player.
21:47Five.
21:49LAUGHTER
21:51What happens now?
21:52LAUGHTER
21:54Glenn Hoddle left me out once because my biorhythms were out.
21:57Because you're what?
21:59Biorhythms.
22:00What does that mean?
22:01It's something to do with, like, the moon and the sky and the sun.
22:04LAUGHTER
22:05You're on your period?
22:06LAUGHTER
22:08APPLAUSE
22:09It's true.
22:10APPLAUSE
22:11What a...
22:13It's actually true.
22:14Did he tell you that?
22:15Yeah.
22:16How did he know that?
22:18Because it's my birthday or something to do with that.
22:19LAUGHTER
22:20They were in the dressing room.
22:21No, no, he pulled me on my own and just said, look...
22:24Happy birthday, but you're off.
22:25Yeah, no, he just said, look, I'm leaving you out.
22:27I said, I can't tell you...
22:28Because you were shit!
22:29That's what he should have said!
22:30LAUGHTER
22:31He should have said to me, look, you're fucking injury prone,
22:33you can't play anymore, I'm leaving you out.
22:35I'd have been like, all right, Gaffer, that's fine.
22:37But he said, my biorhythms are out.
22:38Was that the official, like, the give the public, that reason?
22:41Kev, when you say Jamie's not in the team, people get it.
22:43LAUGHTER
22:45There doesn't need to be a back-up explanation.
22:47To see it on Sky Sports, redneck out, strained by all of them.
22:50LAUGHTER
22:52OK, blue team, what have you gone for?
22:53Er...
22:54Emery Dice, Serena Water and Gareth Sick.
22:58OK, well, I can tell you that Unai Emery rolled a dice
23:01to pick his starting line-up.
23:02Serena Vigman wouldn't let anyone drink water
23:04unless everyone was drinking water.
23:05And Gareth Southgate threw off on his chairman's shoes.
23:07APPLAUSE
23:08Yes. At the end of that round, the blue team were in the league.
23:11Yes!
23:23As we know, as we've agreed,
23:24Meeks was a right prick to the England team.
23:27So we decided to give Meeks the opportunity to make it up to Oli
23:29and the England lads by taking part in this next game.
23:32Meeks, you up for it?
23:33What is it?
23:34But this, my friend, is Oli Watspins.
23:37APPLAUSE
23:42So, as you can see, as part of his apology to the England squad,
23:45we have strapped Meeks up to a giant wheel.
23:48We're going to ask the teams a question about Oli,
23:49and if they get it right, they'll get an Oli Watspin,
23:52which will determine how many points they get.
23:54Meeks, how are you feeling?
23:56This could be you in six years, mate.
23:58No, it's not Meeks.
23:58Make sure you work hard.
24:00You end up like me, looking like a twat in this.
24:03LAUGHTER
24:05I wish I had a smaller penis.
24:07LAUGHTER
24:09Jimmy's got one you can borrow.
24:11LAUGHTER
24:13APPLAUSE
24:15Hey, hey, hey.
24:17And with his tan, it's the right colour.
24:19So you'll be fine.
24:20OK.
24:21Anyone else want to have a go at my cock?
24:23LAUGHTER
24:24Anyone else want to have...
24:25APPLAUSE
24:27Wow!
24:29Shoot!
24:30You...
24:31You really...
24:33That's your wife?
24:35That's your wife?
24:36Yeah.
24:37Anyone else want to have a go at my cock?
24:38Oh, I can't believe it.
24:39That's the man.
24:40Here we go.
24:41First question.
24:43Blue Team.
24:44How did Oli disappoint Ed Sheeran while on England duty?
24:47Did he get up and sing and get the words wrong or something?
24:50We...
24:51Not quite, but I'll give you that.
24:53He bottled singing with him at the England camp.
24:55So, to see how many points you get, Oli, spin the wheel.
24:58Spin it.
24:59Do you want to help me?
25:00No, leave it away.
25:01Let's get involved.
25:02No, Jamie, please.
25:03Go.
25:04Go gentle.
25:05CHEERING
25:06CHEERING
25:07CHEERING
25:09CHEERING
25:11Oli wants it to turn us
25:14Oli wants it...
25:16Yeah!
25:17Three points for the Blue Team.
25:18Yeah!
25:19OK.
25:20So, Oli, what happened?
25:23I went to get on stage with Ed Sheeran, and he started singing,
25:28and then he passed me, like, the rapping bit, and, uh,
25:31yeah, I just crumbled.
25:32I said, Ed, this is not the one.
25:33And, uh...
25:34He said, what about this one?
25:35I said, no, no, no, no, and went and sat down,
25:37and I knew it was bad because the player liaison,
25:39she came over to me and she went,
25:41are you OK?
25:42Are you all right?
25:43LAUGHTER
25:44Yeah, that's the point.
25:45OK.
25:46Uh, OK.
25:47Reds, here's your first question.
25:49What did Oli say was the best gift a manager ever bought him?
25:52Ooh...
25:54Um...
25:55Is it something like a watch?
25:56A classy watch?
25:57I know this.
25:58Jamie is cheating.
25:59Go on, Jamie.
26:00I didn't cheat.
26:01You always cheat.
26:02It's not a cheat.
26:03Do you know what?
26:04You underestimate this brain sometimes.
26:07I think of one of the managers bought him a fish.
26:09Uh...
26:10Wow.
26:11OK.
26:12OK, Jamie.
26:13Jamie, what's weird is that Oli has obviously told you the answer
26:17and you've still got it wrong.
26:19LAUGHTER
26:20It was a fish tank, you absolute penis.
26:23A fish tank!
26:24I thought he said fish!
26:26APPLAUSE
26:28How?
26:29How?
26:30How?
26:31How?
26:32Do you know what?
26:33It's close enough.
26:34Oli, spin the wheel!
26:35Spin the wheel!
26:36Oli!
26:37Oli!
26:38Oli!
26:39Oli!
26:40Oli!
26:41Oli!
26:42Oli!
26:43Oli!
26:44Oli!
26:45Oli!
26:46Two points for the Red Team!
26:47OK.
26:48Oli, can I just ask a question?
26:50Yeah, sure.
26:51Do you not think it's important to find out which manager bought him a fish tank?
26:53Yeah.
26:54Oh, yeah, sorry.
26:55I thought you already knew, JB.
26:56Uh, Dean Smith.
26:57When I was at Brentford, I was close with him.
26:59Um, and...
27:00I was just saying, like,
27:01oh, you know when you go in the dentist sometimes
27:03and you see a fish tank?
27:04I was like, oh, it's quite nice, isn't it?
27:05Yeah.
27:06You know, he said, are you free later for a coffee?
27:08Sent in my address, come round, and he turned up with a big fish tank.
27:11Wow.
27:12So, I was buzzing, to be fair.
27:13Went and got some fish.
27:14Didn't you put some fish in it?
27:15Like, if you buy somebody a wallet, you put cash in it?
27:17No, there was fish in it.
27:18There were fish in it.
27:19Can't you buy somebody an empty fish tank?
27:20No, I had to buy the fish.
27:21You had to buy the fish?
27:22Well, he didn't come round with a full fish tank going,
27:25here you go.
27:26No, but I think that's, if you're going to buy somebody a fish tank,
27:28you chuck a couple of fish in.
27:29Yeah.
27:30Hey, Oli, I heard you really like fish.
27:31Here's something to put them in.
27:32Have you ever had a present for a manager?
27:34No.
27:35Oh, really?
27:36Is that not a thing?
27:37Of course not.
27:38No?
27:39You don't do Secret Santa?
27:40Dad gave me things for Christmas, I guess, but...
27:42Okay, Blues, your next question.
27:44Okay?
27:45Yes.
27:46We asked Oli, if you only had one complimentary ticket for a Villa game,
27:50who would you give it to?
27:51Prince William, Ozzy Osbourne, or Tom Hanks?
27:54Who do you think?
27:55What do you think he said?
27:56And they don't seem like people that are going to be scrounging for tickets?
27:58No.
27:59And they're going to be bringing a plus one, surely?
28:01Okay.
28:02Except maybe Ozzy.
28:03Okay, just to be clear, this is a hypothetical.
28:04All right.
28:05So...
28:06I'm going to go for...
28:07I'm going to go for Tom Hanks.
28:09Tom Hanks.
28:10Oli, what's the answer?
28:11It was Prince William.
28:12He's a main man, isn't he?
28:14Yeah.
28:15You've got to have him at the games.
28:16That was wrong, so unfortunately no spin.
28:18Reds, your next question.
28:19Okay.
28:20We asked Oli, who out of Meeks, Jill and Jamie would be most helpful if you were stranded on a desert island?
28:26Oh.
28:27What do you think?
28:28Asked Jill all...
28:29No offence, but that is Jill.
28:30What was the question?
28:32Exactly.
28:33There you go.
28:34Exactly.
28:35Exactly.
28:36Who out of Meeks, Jill and Jamie would be most helpful if you were stranded on a desert island?
28:40Jill's done jungle.
28:41Who did you ask?
28:42Oli?
28:43Yes.
28:44Are you all right?
28:45Is this quite serious?
28:47How do you manage to get your present, you thick twat?
28:49Listen...
28:50Listen to the question.
28:52The whole...
28:53The round's called Oli, what spin?
28:55Yeah.
28:56But I don't know Oli that well.
28:57I might be fucking good on a desert island.
28:59Okay.
29:00Who do you think he said?
29:02Jill.
29:11Okay, Oli, what was the answer?
29:12No, it was Jill.
29:13It was Jill?
29:14Oh.
29:15Three points.
29:16Three points.
29:17That's a great answer.
29:18Oli, spin that wheel.
29:19Oh!
29:20It's fixed.
29:21One point.
29:22Okay.
29:23Meeks, you're an absolute trooper.
29:24You deserve a bonus point for that.
29:25Give it up, please, for Oli Watkins.
29:26Thank you, Meeks.
29:27Yeah!
29:28Yeah!
29:29Yeah!
29:30Yeah!
29:31Yeah!
29:32Yeah!
29:33Yeah!
29:34Yeah!
29:35Yeah!
29:36Yeah!
29:37Yeah!
29:38Yeah!
29:39Yeah!
29:40Yeah!
29:42Yeah!
29:44The next round is in honour of our guest, Superstar Stryker.
30:04It's only one kick!
30:07Finish of a man in form.
30:10It's only one kick!
30:11It's going to get a kick!
30:13Arley Watkins from the wing is the centre stage!
30:18It's taken a lot of hard work to get us to where I am today, Ian.
30:21I've been waiting for that moment.
30:23Watkins, what's at the edge, trying to tie it!
30:27England in front!
30:29And Aston Phillips, Arley Watkins, is a Superstar Shooter!
30:37Come on!
30:42Oli Watkins, everybody!
30:49Now, Oli, with those, like, montages of footballers we have on, we normally have to put those together, but my wife just had that on her phone.
30:54So, now, Oli, genuinely, it is a proper honour to have you on the show.
30:59Do you, are you, how aware are you of the fact that last summer you were basically responsible, in this room alone, for 200 spilled pints and loads of uncomfortable hugs between alpha males?
31:09I mean, are you aware of how much of a big deal that felt?
31:12Yeah, I think, um, we saw so many videos of, like, everyone in beer gardens, and knowing that you can make that many people happy is, uh, is a really good feeling.
31:21So, obviously, after scoring a goal like that as well, uh, it's the best feeling ever, like...
31:25Yeah, yeah, yeah.
31:26I've seen you score, you're quite cool when you score, like, you don't go, but that, you were like, you could fight the world after that goal.
31:32Yeah, definitely.
31:33Just lost my shit, didn't I?
31:34Just ran, just went wild.
31:35You can't, I think there's no emotion, all those emotions that come over you, uh, when you see all the boys running towards you as well, it's just...
31:42Yeah, you can have it in your head that you're gonna play it cool.
31:44Yeah, you're gonna play it cool when giving it that, but...
31:46Yeah.
31:47Can we make a celebration, though?
31:48Can we do one?
31:49Like, I don't know, let's make some up tonight.
31:51I can take him to when I score next.
31:53Yeah.
31:54Yeah, when you score next.
31:55We did, we started the Mobot here, didn't we?
31:56The Mobot.
31:57Oh, that's that here?
31:58Yeah.
31:59We need to do, like, the Watkins.
32:00Yeah.
32:01What have you got, Jamie?
32:02What do you mean?
32:03It's a W, it stands for W.
32:05Um, I think the way he does it is cool.
32:08Do a fish tat, you could do, like, you know, a big fish, little fish pub.
32:11Fish, yeah.
32:12Fish time.
32:13Fish time.
32:14Fish time.
32:15Yes!
32:16How about this one?
32:17How about this one?
32:18Just shagging my wife.
32:24Oh, God.
32:25I hope to God Lisa doesn't watch this show.
32:28Um, okay.
32:29Now, scoring that goal for England, it did crown an incredible season for you.
32:32But, there's a clip here.
32:34Based on this clip, your mum thinks you should have had the opportunity earlier.
32:37Uh, here she is in the game before you came on against Holland.
32:40Have a look at this.
32:41On Wednesday, that they finally let my friends come on the fucking page!
32:46That is brilliant!
32:47Yes!
32:48Oh!
32:49Oh!
32:50Oh!
32:51Oh!
32:52Oh!
32:53Oh!
32:54Oh!
32:55Oh!
32:56Oh!
32:57Oh!
32:58Oh!
32:59Oh!
33:00Oh!
33:01Oh!
33:02Oh!
33:03Oh, you've got it.
33:04But...
33:05Oh, I think she had a few too many gin and tonics, to be fair.
33:07That was brilliant!
33:08But, obviously, she said it, and then I've gone on the pitch and scored, so...
33:12Mum's no best!
33:13No one can really say anything.
33:14Yeah, yeah.
33:15And that's what it's all about.
33:16Like, it's the best feeling ever.
33:18So...
33:20Thank you, Ollie!
33:21Yes, Ollie!
33:22I was just thinking, your missus voice is deep.
33:35My guy.
33:36Now, Oli, we talked about you bottling singing on stage with Ed Sheeran.
33:40Yeah. Are you actually a good singer?
33:42Do you usually fancy yourself as a singer?
33:44Yeah, I think so. My mum's a singer, so...
33:47Yeah, that was a beautiful number she was doing.
33:49I feel like everyone's in the family, so, yeah, I feel like I've got a bit,
33:53but I have to have the right song to sing, you know?
33:56Like what?
33:57Bit of Lufa.
33:59Ooh!
34:00Lufa. Jamie, you like a bit of Lufa, don't you?
34:02Lufa Van Dross is the man.
34:04Yeah?
34:05Love him. I met him once.
34:07You met Lufa Van Dross?
34:08Yeah, I did. I met him. What happened? Did you?
34:10Yeah, I was in a hotel and he was there.
34:12The only person I've ever gone up to and...
34:14He'd have to be, wouldn't he, for you to meet him?
34:16What about when I spoke to him? I said hello.
34:19Oh, have you met Tom Hanks?
34:21Yeah, I did, actually. I didn't realise who it was.
34:23I was...
34:24You didn't recognise Tom Hanks?
34:25I didn't recognise Tom Hanks, because...
34:26He didn't have a cowboy hat on and was that high.
34:28No.
34:29I was getting changed in the changing room.
34:31I turned around and I was just like,
34:32oh, it's Tom Hanks.
34:34He came to your changing room?
34:35Yeah.
34:36And it's a bit awkward, like, everyone's just putting their slips on,
34:38everyone's, like, half naked...
34:39If I get your woody doll, can you show me where he touched you?
34:41Ask your wife.
34:44Sorry, mate, I had to, sorry.
34:47No, it's funny.
34:48I fucking love that shit.
34:49It's funny, man.
34:50It's funny.
34:51Well, in honour of having Olly Vandross Watkins on the show,
34:56we thought it was time to bring back an a league of their own favourite,
34:59it's Popstar Penalties!
35:01Popstar Penalties!
35:02Yeah.
35:03OK.
35:04Excited.
35:05Well, in honour of having Oli Vandross Watkins on the show,
35:09we thought it was time to bring back
35:11in a league of their own favourite,
35:13it's Popstar Penalties!
35:16Popstar Penalties
35:18Popstar Penalties
35:21Popstar
35:22We're talking about those
35:24Popstar, Popstar Penalties
35:29OK, exciting times.
35:31Oli, you're in goal.
35:32The Popstars are going to come out one by one
35:34to put your goalkeeping skills to the test.
35:36If they score, it's a point to the blue team,
35:38but if you save or they miss, it's a point for the reds.
35:41Right, all we need now is a Popstar.
35:47Popstar!
35:50Popstar!
35:51OK, let's see who's up first.
36:04Please, can you welcome Blues' Anthony Costa!
36:19How are you doing? I'm good.
36:20Woo!
36:21What up?
36:22Er... Anthony, how are you, mate?
36:25Nervous, mate.
36:25Yeah?
36:26Yeah.
36:27Er... OK, well, Anthony, I've got a lot for you.
36:28So I'm going to give it me all, mate, I don't know.
36:30Yeah, good luck to you, mate.
36:31Yeah, true.
36:31Anthony, you've got this.
36:32I know you can play.
36:34I've seen you before.
36:35Anthony, whenever you're ready.
36:36I'm done, I'm done!
37:01Er, that is a point for the blue team.
37:04Good luck, Randy Costa, everybody.
37:05CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
37:09Yes!
37:09Why is that a point for the blue team?
37:11Er, Jamie massively celebrating a point for the blue team
37:13for some reason.
37:14Er, OK.
37:16Why do rules fucking change?
37:18OK, he's on the red team, right?
37:19You've been playing with you all night.
37:21If he saves it or they miss, that's a point to you.
37:23If they score, that's a point to the blue team, yeah?
37:26Oh, fucking hell.
37:28Well, listen, that has whet my appetite.
37:30Anybody want another Popstar?
37:32CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
37:34Popstar.
37:38Popstar.
37:39Let's see who's next.
37:40Oh, yeah, yeah.
37:41I've been getting to your heart
37:44You know, you know, you know I need your love
37:47Just a little, yeah.
37:49Oh, yeah.
37:50Hot, just a little...
37:51Oh, yeah.
37:52Oh, yeah.
37:52Please welcome from Libby S, it's only Michelle Heaton.
38:04Hello, darling.
38:06Thank you for having me.
38:12Welcome to the show. Thank you for coming on.
38:15What's your penalty taken like?
38:17My son would say disastrous.
38:19My husband would say awful.
38:21Good.
38:23New husband.
38:25Yes.
38:27Ignore him.
38:29What a...
38:31What a...
38:32What a weird thing to do.
38:39Okay, Michelle, on behalf of the show,
38:42sorry about that.
38:44Take your position to shoot when you're ready.
38:46Okay, I've seen my here.
38:48Come on!
38:50Oh!
38:51Oh!
38:52Oh!
38:53Oh!
38:54Oh!
38:55Oh!
38:56Oh!
38:57Oh!
38:58Not today.
38:59Whatever.
39:00Not today.
39:01Oh, unlucky.
39:02Give love for Michelle Heaton, everybody.
39:03Sorry.
39:04I'm sorry.
39:06That is a point to the Red Team.
39:07Oh!
39:08Oh!
39:09Oh!
39:10Okay, I don't know about you, but I'm peckish for another pop star.
39:12Anyone else?
39:13Yes!
39:15Pop star!
39:16Pop star!
39:18Pop star!
39:19Let's bring on another.
39:20I had a picture of you in my mind.
39:23Don't love me for fun, girl.
39:26Let me be the one girl.
39:28Love me for a reason.
39:29And there is me love.
39:31Oh
40:01This is my childhood dream
40:10Thank you for coming on the show my pleasure. I'll be here. You look absolutely incredible. Thank you very much
40:18Congratulations. Is that written down there? Oh, yeah
40:22Can I just say still look absolutely incredible
40:25Jill is it true that you you told a little white lie to your mom about about key?
40:30Oh, yes, actually I stayed off school and went to Gateshead Metwell Center, and you have to pay a pound to kiss the members of boys on
40:38Yeah, but I never got to the front of the queue
40:40I know to be fair to be dodgy because I was nine years old
40:58Well, that was super weird, okay
41:00Hang on. She's gone like a little girl. Yeah, I never got me pound
41:08Now Keith how do you fancy your chance against Ollie? Oh, yeah, I think we have a chance we have a chance
41:12Well, I've got a lot of faith in you mate good luck to you. Okay, for whatever you're ready. Take your position and take your penalty
41:18Congratulations, Keith, that's a point for the blue team!
41:32Nice. Good luck.
41:33Ah, thank you.
41:34Well, why don't you take one good keep of the eyes?
41:42No, no, no, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, fuck you for laughing at that
41:48Go on, go on, run, go on, come on, run
41:52Come on, Rod
41:56Come on, bro.
41:58Come on, bro.
42:08Mate, it's fucking massive.
42:10What are you doing, man?
42:12What are you doing, man?
42:14What are you doing?
42:16Go back to that.
42:18That was worse than mine.
42:22Yes. That was terrible.
42:24What a pop star penalties that was.
42:26Please give it up for all our pop stars.
42:28Anthony Costa, Michelle Heaton, and Keith Duffin.
42:47So that means that tonight's winners are the blue team.
42:51So thank you to Jamie, Maisie, and Oli.
42:56Jill, Michael, and Kevin.
42:58You've been watching The League of Their Own until next time.
43:00Good night, Bucks.
43:01To sing us out with Luther Vandross,
43:03give it up for Oli Watkins and Jamie Rednail.
43:05Yes!
43:06Come on, Oli.
43:07Come on, Oli.
43:09Come on, everybody.
43:10Yeah, come on.
43:11Come on.
43:12Let's go.
43:13Come on, Lupa.
43:15Come on.
43:16Woo!
43:17Come on, everybody.
43:18Come on, let's get this going.
43:19Come on, Meeks.
43:20Come on, Ken.
43:21Yes.
43:26There's not a million hours,
43:28there you're nothing, I don't love you.
43:30You're at the top of my list,
43:32cause I'm always singing of you, all my love.
43:37Come on.
43:39A million days in your arms is never too bad.
44:02Come on, Oli.
44:04Come on, Oli.
44:05Come on, Oli.
44:06Come on, Oli.
44:07I just don't wanna stop.
44:09Too much, never too much, never too much, never too much.
44:12Oh, yeah, Dada.
44:26My man.
44:27Woo!
44:28I love my man.
44:30I love it.
44:33I love it.
44:34I love it.
44:35I love it.
44:36I love it.
44:37I love it.
44:38I love it.
44:39I love it.
44:40I love it.
44:41I love it.
44:42I love it.
44:43I love it.
44:44I love it.
44:45I love it.
44:46I love it.
44:47I love it.
44:48I love it.
44:49I love it.
44:50I love it.
44:51I love it.
44:52I love it.
44:53I love it.
44:54I love it.
44:55I love it.
44:56I love it.
44:57I love it.
44:58I love it.
44:59I love it.
45:00I love it.
45:01I love it.
45:02I love it.
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