- 3 hours ago
The Death of Bunny Munro - Season 1 Episode 3 -
Cocksman
Cocksman
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00Scenes of a sexual nature and scenes which some viewers may find distressing.
00:05Please be aware that this programme also contains themes of suicide.
01:00I dreamt too calm in the night, but I looked and you weren't there.
01:24Just a dream.
01:27I know.
01:30I'm sorry.
01:41I've got to think of it, mate.
01:44I had a pretty weird dream too.
01:48Yeah?
01:48I, uh, pretty weird, all right?
01:54I dreamt that someone told me that they hated being a shitty Navigator.
01:59I wanted to be a salesman.
02:03Wild.
02:04Yeah.
02:04Yeah.
02:05I think it was a good job.
02:08I did.
02:09You didn't have to be a good job.
02:10Yeah.
02:11I'm not a good job.
02:12I'm not a bad job.
02:13I knew it was a good job.
02:13It was real!
02:20What do you reckon, then? You ready?
02:23No.
02:24Good a time as any.
02:27Okay.
02:30Got to be crying, though, can't we?
02:33Hey.
02:35Not gonna look too good, is it?
02:41Please, can you buy more stuff?
02:43Hmm.
02:45Not gonna go down well, is it?
02:48No.
02:49Well, then.
02:53You know my old man was in antiques?
02:56When I was little, he used to take me out in his van.
02:59Find some run-down old place.
03:01A real drum.
03:03Owned by some rich biddy with a load of filthy cats, and he'd go in.
03:07And honestly,
03:09Before I had time to finish my sandwich, out he'd come with a nice little Queen Anne dressing table.
03:15Heh.
03:17Yeah, you're the gift, my old man.
03:20The talent.
03:22He taught it to me.
03:24And now, I'm handing that to you.
03:26To you.
03:29You understand?
03:34Okay.
03:35Oh, Christ.
03:36Didn't happen to notice the whole creep in and beat the crap out of me last night, did ya?
03:50All right, ready, Mr. Sausman.
03:59One more time.
04:00We have here on offer, the finest range of creams, lotions, and balms.
04:07And you'll find this?
04:09And you'll find this color?
04:11Collagen.
04:13With elastic.
04:15Elastin rich.
04:17Elastin rich cream, which will improve your skin smoothness and make you look younger.
04:23But, what if I forget?
04:25Well then, make it up.
04:26Remember, she's not buying the product, she's buying you.
04:32And who are you?
04:36Who the fuck are you?
04:38I'm Bunny Monroe.
04:40That's absolutely fucking right, tell me again.
04:43I'm Bunny Monroe!
04:45I'm Bunny Monroe!
04:47Oh, baby.
04:52It's a commitment.
04:54It's a commitment, baby.
04:56I'm not my wife, don't we like.
04:58I'm not my wife, don't we like.
04:59It's a commitment.
05:00It's a commitment.
05:01It's a commitment.
05:02It's a commitment.
05:03It's a commitment.
05:04It's a commitment.
05:05It's a commitment.
05:06It's a commitment.
05:07It's a commitment.
05:08It's a commitment.
05:09It's a commitment.
05:11It's a commitment.
05:12It's a commitment.
05:13It's a commitment.
05:14It's a commitment.
05:15It's a commitment.
05:16It's a commitment.
05:17It's a commitment.
05:18It's a commitment.
05:19It's a commitment.
05:20It's a commitment.
05:21It's a commitment.
05:22It's a commitment.
05:23one another or die, oh baby
05:29is it super glue?
05:31it's super glue
05:33it's super glue
05:35it's super glue
05:39knock em down
05:47and you'll find this collingen
05:51and
05:53elastin
05:55rich cream
05:57will improve
05:59moisture
06:01up to 300%
06:03but
06:07I don't think you need it
06:09actually dad I
06:11think you've got the wrong house
06:13okay I can't cope
06:15take my money
06:17really?
06:19I'd buy a dose of poison off you you little cutie
06:21I'll have two bottles
06:23okay
06:25you know what when you see that
06:27dad and his boy just
06:29it just gets me
06:31you know
06:33right here
06:35where?
06:49right mate
06:51why don't you go and wait outside while I take care of the boring old paperwork yeah?
06:55okay dad it was nice to meet you
06:57hey
06:59hey
07:01what I mean
07:03thanks dad
07:05oh god
07:07oh god
07:09so cute
07:11so cute
07:13so cute
07:17are you a dad in my house?
07:19are you a dad in my house?
07:33we're salesmen
07:35he's given a one
07:37he's the best salesman in the world
07:39he could sell your bicycle to a barracuda
07:41he could sell your bicycle to a barracuda
07:45for what?
07:47it's a predatory fish
07:49its jaws are armed with hundreds of razor like teeth
07:53oh
07:55you can hear her from miles away
07:57she sounds like a strangled chicken
07:59my mum died
08:01I wish my mum would die
08:03my mum died
08:05I wish my mum would die
08:07you alright Tony?
08:09what's your trouble?
08:11oh
08:13oh
08:15oh
08:17oh
08:19oh
08:21oh
08:23oh
08:25oh
08:26oh
08:27oh
08:29for fuck'sg
08:42is that your dad?
08:44that's Tony
08:45his mum's boyfriend
08:49what's he like?
08:51he's alright I guess
08:51Donna
08:52dad bought me this
08:53the bike?
08:55no
08:57No, just the bell.
08:59It's a really cool bell.
09:02You think so? Yeah, it's great.
09:06Junior!
09:11Junior, get in the car!
09:15Hello?
09:19Bye, then. Bye!
09:21Okay.
09:25Yeah, look like this.
09:27Come on!
09:29Everything's absolutely fucking perfect, my boy.
09:32This is fucking crazy!
09:34I've got me down in the left!
09:36Fuck!
09:40I'm telling you, buddy boy,
09:42nothing like getting your pipes cleaned first thing in the morning.
09:51Who was your mate?
09:54She just came and talked to me.
09:56Oh, right.
10:00Fancy her, did she?
10:02Dad.
10:03All right.
10:04She did, though, I can tell.
10:05She had that special light in her eyes.
10:07Yeah?
10:08Yeah.
10:09Telling you, buddy boy, I can spot it a mile off.
10:11Maybe I should give her one.
10:18Well, one day, buddy boy...
10:22One day.
10:27So, where are we going next?
10:28I don't know.
10:29Check the list.
10:31I don't have the list.
10:32What do you mean, you don't have the list?
10:34You had the list.
10:35Well, where did I put it?
10:36I don't know.
10:38I must have left it, but...
10:40Fuck.
10:45Do we need it?
10:46We're salesmen, aren't we?
10:47Yeah.
10:48Well, how the fuck are we going to be salesmen with no customers?
10:51So, should we go back and get it?
10:55Listen, I'm going to teach you the first rule of salesmanship, okay?
10:58No, fuck it.
10:59The first rule of being a man, never go back.
11:03So, what are we going to do?
11:04Just stop flapping your feet about.
11:06I'll work it out.
11:10Morning.
11:12Oh, no.
11:13Now she's the social worker from my house.
11:19Fuck it.
11:20Tell you what, bunny boy.
11:24Why don't you head next door?
11:26Grab yourself some sweets.
11:29Then have a little sit outside.
11:31Too nice to be cooped up indoors, eh?
11:33Thanks.
11:34Good boy.
11:39Right, then.
11:41Okay.
11:42So, what happens now?
11:43I call the police.
11:44Police?
11:46What the fuck are you talking about?
11:48Mr Munro, a Section 20 child protection order had already been filed when you absconded.
11:52We didn't.
11:53When you absconded.
11:54It's now been escalated to a missing person.
11:55And the police are looking for you.
11:57He's not missing.
11:58Is he?
11:59He's right here with me.
12:00Stop.
12:01Listen.
12:02His mother has just died in the most tragic of circumstances.
12:06And I can't begin to explain the effect that has had on him.
12:09It's a fucking tragedy, if you must know.
12:11Right now, that boy needs his father.
12:19Don't do it.
12:20What are you doing?
12:21You know there's a pay phone down the road.
12:23I know.
12:24We'll be gone by the time you reach, yeah?
12:28The door won't open till it's finished spinning.
12:30Fuck.
12:34Yeah.
12:35He's just a child, Mr Munro.
12:37He's my boy.
12:40You're just...
12:42showing him the ropes.
12:43I'm sorry about your wife, Mr Munro, but this is what's best for Bunny Jr.
12:48I do hope that one day you understand.
12:57Whatcha gonna do?
13:00Whatcha gonna do?
13:11Ready, boy?
13:12Come on.
13:13Look lively.
13:16Come on.
13:20Good boy.
13:21Good boy.
13:28I gave you a list.
13:29I know you did.
13:30I need a new list.
13:31Well, those were good leads.
13:32They'll give me some more good leads.
13:34I can't keep giving up good leads every time somebody loses a list.
13:38I didn't lose it.
13:39What happened to me then?
13:40Well, Jesus Christ.
13:41Geoffrey, have you ever heard of an act of God?
13:44What's that mean?
13:45It means it wasn't my fault.
13:46So, Geoffrey, sweetheart, I'm gonna get in the car and I'm gonna come to the office and I'm gonna get the list.
13:51No, no, no, no, no.
13:52I wouldn't do that, my friend.
13:53You know, I've had the police in here asking lots of questions about you.
13:56It's probably best if you lay low for a bit, Bun.
13:59What?
14:00Why?
14:01That woman called them, the one with the missing money.
14:07And what did you tell them?
14:08I told them that I didn't know where you were.
14:10Did you tell them that I didn't take it?
14:12Did you tell them that I wouldn't do that?
14:16Geoffrey?
14:18Geoffrey!
14:19I told them that I didn't know where you were.
14:21For fuck's sake!
14:44Dad, are we going back to the office?
14:47No.
14:49But don't we need another list?
14:50Yeah.
14:51So, how...
15:01Second rule of being a man.
15:03Make sure you've got at least one mate.
15:04I'll never let you down.
15:06It helps if you think the sun shines out of your arse.
15:09I know where we'll be.
15:10We're going to the pub.
15:11The pub?
15:12Cool.
15:13I know where we'll be.
15:14We're going to the pub.
15:15The pub?
15:16Cool.
15:17Cool.
15:18I know where we'll be.
15:19I know where we'll be.
15:20We're going to the pub.
15:21The pub?
15:22Cool.
15:24I know where we'll be.
15:25I know where we'll be.
15:26We're going to the pub.
15:27The pub?
15:28Cool.
15:29I know where we'll be.
15:30Cool.
15:31Cool.
15:32I know where we'll be.
15:33Cool.
15:34I know where we'll be.
15:35Cool.
15:36You all right, bud?
15:37You're all right, bud?
15:58All right, babe.
15:59Poodle!
16:01Oh, Gaz!
16:02Has Poodle been in yet?
16:04No, I've not seen him.
16:05Junior, come here. Sit down. We'll have a quick one while we wait.
16:10Okay.
16:11Large scotch and a coke, yeah? A coke.
16:15Make it quick, O'Bahn. You know your lad ain't supposed to speak.
16:18Yeah, yeah, I know.
16:21No school tonight?
16:29Oi. What are you doing?
16:35I feel so cold.
16:45Dad, when are we gonna go home?
16:51You wanna be a top salesman?
16:53Yeah, of course.
16:54Well, top salesmen have gotta be like sharks.
16:57Roofless, efficient, killer sharks, okay?
17:00Okay.
17:02I know what happens to a shark if it stops moving.
17:06What?
17:15He suffocates.
17:17How are we.
17:19Wow.
17:20How are you?
17:21How are you.
17:24Yeah!
17:31How are you doing?
17:34How are you?
17:37Bye, bye, bye.
17:38Well, fuck me! The boys!
17:56I got off.
17:57What? Who's going on?
18:00Crap! You're absolutely steaming me.
18:02I got off.
18:03What are you doing in here, little man?
18:06Just having a quick one.
18:08Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
18:10You, my little friend, are just too much.
18:13What, you were too busy to come and have a drink with your old pal?
18:16Come on now, as if I'm ever too busy for my mate, Poodle.
18:21Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
18:23Good to see you.
18:25Gary, a couple of scotches and another coat.
18:28Yeah, in a minute.
18:29Joe, you're appreciating for...
18:30Not gonna lie, I've been pretty fucking busy working my list, mate.
18:33Oh, yeah. Pretty fucking busy, old pretty busy fucking.
18:36Well, I do like to go above and beyond for my customers.
18:38Hell, yeah.
18:40I know.
18:41What's that fucking...
18:42What?
18:44You all right?
18:47What's that?
18:49A few drinks with the boys?
18:51What more could I ask for?
18:53Dad.
18:53I think I need a wee actually, Dad.
18:58Yeah, go on.
18:59Over there.
19:00So, Pood, mate.
19:01Been a bit of a hot streak, actually.
19:03Managed to go on right through my list.
19:06So I was gonna ask if...
19:09there was any chance I could.
19:13Hey.
19:15You sure you're right, mate?
19:18Come on, man.
19:22Pood!
19:22What are we doing?
19:25Pood, Pood!
19:26I need a word, mate.
19:37For fuck's sake.
19:38Pood!
19:48You're, Dad, I'll see you later.
19:50Come on, love.
19:51Yeah, poodle!
20:08Weird, isn't it?
20:17You don't have to understand, you know.
20:20It's okay to be a little boy.
20:23I love spaceships.
20:25Beatles.
20:35Who, what?
20:44Hey!
20:50Hey, poodle!
20:52Get out of the fucking way!
20:54Fuck off!
20:56Sit down!
20:57Keep moving!
20:59Move!
21:00Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
21:03You don't see anything!
21:06All the way down.
21:08Two, two, three, two, one!
21:10Move the fucking ass!
21:14Move the fucking ass!
21:15Get out of the fucking ass!
21:16Get out of the fucking ass!
21:17Get out of the fucking ass!
21:18Get out of the fucking ass!
21:19Get out of the fucking ass!
21:21Hey, poodle!
21:23Show it to me!
21:25What?
21:26It's all right, guys.
21:27He's had a few too many, mate.
21:28Back the fuck up for ya!
21:29Go on!
21:30Go on!
21:31Show it to me!
21:32Show it to me!
21:33Fuck this!
21:34Who?
21:35Calm it down now!
21:37Fuck this!
21:38Fuck off!
21:40You want a pussy?
21:42Come here, come here, come here, come here.
21:43Fuck you!
21:45What's the matter with you?
21:46Let's get you another drink.
21:54Sorry.
21:55Is this your room?
21:58You're all right.
21:59Are you here with your dad?
22:17Christ.
22:19You didn't fancy the film fair, no?
22:21I'm not a little kid.
22:24All right, mate.
22:30You're a salesman.
22:32On the road.
22:34We'll be going soon.
22:36All right.
22:38Working man, is it?
22:51Won't be wanting any of this, then.
22:55Come on, Pooh.
22:56What's up with you, eh?
22:57Yeah.
22:58She's gone.
22:59What are you talking about, mate?
23:00Who's gone?
23:02Anna.
23:03My Anna, she's fucked off, Bond, and it's like...
23:07You're my mate, aren't you?
23:10Yeah.
23:11Of course.
23:13It's like she took it with her.
23:16All of a sudden, it's gone.
23:18I can't make a sale, I can't fuck, I can't...
23:21I can't.
23:25It didn't work anymore.
23:27All right.
23:29Don't panic.
23:31Okay?
23:32It's just one of those things.
23:34Happens to everyone.
23:36Has it happened to you?
23:39Well, no.
23:41But...
23:43it's happened to people I know.
23:46You mean me?
23:49Yeah.
23:55No, don't worry.
23:56Poor old Bond will sort you out.
23:58Gary, get us a couple more drinks, would ya?
24:00Thanks, would ya?
24:16You alright?
24:20Yeah.
24:22I should go.
24:24My dad's probably wondering where I am.
24:28Back to work, right?
24:33Working man.
24:36Actually...
24:40Can I please have some?
24:45Take it.
24:48Thanks.
24:51Good luck.
24:53Me too.
24:55Everything's gonna be alright.
24:58Thanks, Molly.
25:00It's good to see you, mate.
25:02You too.
25:04Yeah?
25:06Yeah.
25:08Yeah.
25:09Yeah.
25:11I didn't just come in to say hello, though, you know.
25:14I was after a bit of a favour, actually.
25:17What favour?
25:19Look, truth is, I ran into a spot bother, caught my pants down, you know how it goes.
25:28And I managed to lose my list.
25:29I was gonna ask for a couple of names off yours, but...
25:32Actually, if you're not in a zone right now, then maybe I should take the whole thing off your hands.
25:36What do you reckon?
25:38That's why you're here.
25:40That's why you've come to see me.
25:41Fucking...
25:42Yeah.
25:43I'm not being rude, Poo, but do you really think I've got time to be sitting around listening to your sob stories?
25:47It's your fault.
25:48Why is it?
25:49You fucked her.
25:50After the wake.
25:51Who?
25:52Annie.
25:53You fucked her.
25:54You fucked her.
25:55After the wake.
25:56Who?
25:57Annie.
25:58Did I?
25:59No, please.
26:00Poodle.
26:01What does it even fucking matter?
26:02Oh, who?
26:03Oh, I'm not.
26:04I'm not being rude, Poo.
26:05I'm not being rude, Poo, but do you really think I've got time to be sitting around listening to your sob stories?
26:11It's your fault.
26:12What is?
26:13You fucked her.
26:14After the wake.
26:15Who?
26:16Annie.
26:18Did I?
26:19No, please.
26:20Poodle, what does it even fucking matter.
26:21You're a cunt, Bonnet! A true, proper, total cunt! I've been your best mate for years and I love you, but you don't give a fuck about anybody but Bonnet fucking Monroe!
26:49No one had to kill herself!
27:00She had a condition. You knew that. Everyone knew that. She was ill. There's nothing me or anyone could do about that. It wasn't my fault. None of this is my fault.
27:10If you want to hold on to a bird for two fucking minutes, Poot, maybe try not being such a fucking loser. Lost it?
27:19Lost what? Lost it? You never fucking had it. You're a part-timer, mate, and also run. And if your bird were so special, why don't I even remember fucking her?
27:29I don't remember fucking her.
27:36Poodle.
27:39Poodle!
27:46Poodle!
27:47Poodle!
27:49Poodle!
27:51Poodle!
27:52I want you to say sorry to me!
27:53Poodle!
27:54Say sorry!
27:55Poodle!
27:56Say sorry!
27:57And then will you give me the fucking list?
27:59Oh, boy.
28:00Oh, boy.
28:01Oh, boy.
28:02Oh, boy.
28:03Oh, boy!
28:04Oh, boy!
28:05Oh, boy!
28:23You're a mate.
28:24fucking hell it's all right mate it's all right i've called the police my wife's on the phone
28:37to an ambulance it's all right please yeah did you see the number plate help is on the way
28:42just stay as still as you can wait where the fuck are you going you can't just fuck off
28:49you can't just fucking leave
28:59you can't just fucking leave
29:19you can't just fuck off you can't just fuck off you can't just fuck off you can't just fucking leave
29:29so
29:38¶¶
30:08¶¶
30:38If you have been affected by any of the issues raised in this programme,
31:05help is available online at sky.com forward slash viewer support.
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