- 1 hour ago
The Creep Tapes - Season 2 Episode 2 -
WES
WES
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00four years of film school for this shit yep two hundred thousand dollars in debt and now you get
00:26to film another shitty pilot presentation for another fucking house flipping show
00:29god what a fucking loser kill me
00:39hello
00:53hello
00:59you're too late
01:11I already sold it
01:14you scared me
01:16there's no reason to be scared
01:17there's always another home right around the corner
01:20just waiting to be flipped
01:21I'm tripping gold and you must be Wes
01:25yes
01:27look at you
01:30yeah
01:32you got a really good energy about you
01:34but you seem like a real professional
01:36oh right uh yes
01:38I uh
01:39I brought my transcript for your request and then also my degree in cinematography
01:43there's no need I already called the university and vetted you I'm sorry to be such a stickler on the hiring process but professionalism is very important to me Wes
01:53how do you feel about it
01:57uh about what
02:00professionalism
02:01I'm uh for it
02:04I think it's the single most important quality a human being can possess
02:09I think the lack of it is the reason our society has gone off the rails don't you agree
02:13uh yeah uh totally
02:16of course permission to hug
02:18okay
02:18coming in any
02:19okay
02:20okay
02:20I hope you're ready to get going because we are going to make magic
02:24the first scene for the pilot of the greatest house flipping show ever made
02:29flipped and sold
02:30with trip and gold
02:31okay
02:32are you rolling
02:33I'm rolling
02:34okay that's a problem because I know you're not rolling
02:36I know this camera and when it's rolling the red light is beeping
02:38and it's not beeping right now Wes
02:39uh no no
02:41you're not rolling Wes
02:42look
02:43look
02:43look
02:44I'm rolling look the red light is on
02:46just take a look
02:46you're lying
02:47you're lying to me
02:47I swear take a look at it
02:49man
02:49I don't see it
02:54I don't
02:57I got you
03:00I got you
03:01yeah I know
03:02you got me
03:03professionalism Wes
03:04the single most important quality
03:06followed closely by
03:07a good sense of humor
03:09okay
03:10you're alright Wes
03:13I think this is gonna be a good day
03:31you know you did a really great job filming that intro back there Wes
03:52oh uh thanks
03:55oh 100% total pro
03:56are you gonna tell me how I did
04:05um I thought you were great
04:09really
04:09yeah
04:11that means so much coming from you
04:12I really want to get this right
04:14so many of these house flipping shows
04:16they're just janky
04:17you know
04:18and not just the filmmaking
04:19the flips themselves
04:20they're downright unethical
04:22you know
04:22they ignore the fundamental issues of the homes
04:24the plumbing
04:25the electrical
04:26and they think what
04:27because you slap some 22 cent subway tile on it
04:30that it's a good flip
04:31I don't think so
04:32I don't think so
04:33yeah
04:34uh
04:35yeah totally
04:36yeah you get it man
04:37you're so great
04:38so I think now would be a good time
04:41to get some b-roll
04:42you know
04:42I see this as the second part of the pilot
04:44where some kind of funky music's playing
04:46and I'm explaining to audiences
04:47that we're
04:48we're headed off to a remote section of the woods
04:50we're gonna see this dilapidated
04:52kind of creepy home
04:53which
04:53spoiler alert
04:54of course is gonna be somebody's dream home
04:56but right now
04:57it's like
04:58almost looks like a place you get murdered in
05:00you know
05:01uh
05:02so yeah look around
05:03get some stuff
05:04uh
05:04okay
05:04that's just some tools of the trade
05:10I like to carry a shovel to
05:11dig into the foundation
05:13make sure it's solid
05:14right
05:16um
05:16and the uh
05:19with the plastic tarp
05:21you ask a lot of questions
05:25well
05:27like you said
05:29I'm a professional
05:30plastic tarp
05:34is for some painting
05:35we're gonna do
05:36also
05:38occasionally find some
05:39dead vermin underneath the house
05:41and
05:41plastic's always good for carrying out bodies
05:43that
05:47makes sense
05:48yeah totally
05:49um
05:51yeah
05:52um
05:56could you remind me
05:58again
05:59where we're going
06:00yeah it's just uh
06:01about 20 minutes up ahead here
06:02we're getting there
06:03right
06:04um
06:07what
06:08what's the address
06:09why do you need the address
06:10I'm just
06:12uh
06:13curious
06:14squirmy little bugger
06:18look at you
06:18you're shaking over there
06:19yeah
06:20I
06:21I
06:21I think I
06:22I think I need to go to the bathroom
06:23oh well there's not many rest stops out here
06:25not much of anything
06:26but you know
06:26you can just wait till we get to the house
06:28I'm
06:28I'm just not
06:29I'm not sure if I could hold it
06:30well it's really close
06:31you're fine
06:32right
06:32it's number one
06:33so maybe
06:34maybe you could
06:35pull over
06:36real quick
06:36no there's no shoulder on the road
06:38I wouldn't want anything bad to happen to you
06:39I know I just
06:40I just I really
06:41I really really gotta go
06:42this came on kind of suddenly
06:43yeah man I don't know
06:45I just uh
06:45I can't um
06:47I don't know
06:48can you keep
06:49I just
06:49can you pull over please
06:50no
06:50I can't do it
06:51because it's dangerous
06:52how do you
06:53no please stop
06:54I just really gotta go
06:55how do you open this thing
06:56oh fuck
06:57fine
06:57you gotta go
06:58you gotta go
06:59not very professional Wes
07:04Jesus
07:07alright
07:11so real bummer Wes
07:23not only
07:27is this unprofessional
07:29it's downright anticlimactic
07:33I mean I spent a lot of time
07:37in that house
07:38it's a
07:40house of horrors
07:42the likes of which
07:45we haven't seen since
07:46the climax of
07:47Home Alone 2
07:48oh no
07:51please don't tell me
07:54you're gonna make it this easy
07:55it's okay
07:59it's okay
08:01this is just a little confusing
08:03it's all
08:03I mean I'm confused
08:06you know
08:06it's all happening
08:09a lot faster
08:11than it normally does
08:12I mean
08:15part of me wants to
08:18stretch it out
08:18you know
08:19like
08:19put you around a little bit
08:22I could chase you some more
08:23but also
08:25another part of me is like
08:26this feels kind of sad
08:29please
08:31I just
08:32yeah
08:38it's sad
08:40I could do this all over
08:49play my calendar tomorrow
08:51find someone else
08:54a little more professional
08:56oh my god
09:07didn't even come close
09:09to using you
09:10sorry PF
09:11not your night
09:12maybe it's me
09:17maybe I'm getting rusty
09:19it's on to me so quickly
09:21too many clues
09:24in the back seat
09:25maybe
09:25I wonder if I
09:27put the tarp
09:29yeah just the tarp
09:31in the back
09:32and then save the shovel
09:33the big reveal
09:35of the house
09:35might be a
09:37yes
09:52thank god
09:55step away from the car
09:57thank god
09:58thank god
09:59hands on your head
10:02yes
10:02you got a mark
10:03yeah but look
10:03look what happened
10:04look
10:05look
10:06hands on your head
10:07yes
10:08we got a male
10:09twenties
10:11unconscious
10:12he's not unconscious
10:13he's dead
10:14it's my sweet lesson
10:15that man
10:16killed him
10:17oh god
10:19he's in the woods
10:20and he's getting away
10:21get down on the ground
10:22right now
10:23you don't understand
10:23on the ground
10:24on the ground
10:24now
10:25okay
10:25alright
10:26okay
10:26you guys are great
10:28you're great
10:29and you're very in command
10:30and you're doing a great job
10:32but you're missing one
10:33very important thing
10:34there is a man
10:35a killer
10:36who killed
10:37my friend
10:38and he is in the woods
10:39who are you talking about sir
10:41i don't know
10:43okay
10:44i'm sorry
10:45i'm just so stupid
10:46i don't get his name
10:48tell us what happened
10:50step by step sir
10:51okay
10:52but it's really scary
10:56there was a man
10:59he was a bad man
11:02but he didn't seem like it
11:03he was
11:04a little weird
11:05and hyper
11:06but
11:07but he seemed harmless
11:08and he hired
11:08me
11:09and wes
11:10my filmmaking partner
11:12to film
11:12this pilot
11:14for this really
11:15interesting
11:17new
11:18house flipping
11:18type show
11:19you know
11:20and he had
11:21a cool take
11:23it was like
11:23integrity
11:25and professionalism
11:26and
11:27sir please
11:28get to the point
11:29yes
11:29i'm sorry
11:31it's so
11:32so are you okay
11:36i feel like
11:38i'm in a horror movie
11:39is this real
11:41are you even real
11:41he put us in the car
11:47and he drove us
11:47out into these woods
11:48and there was like
11:50all these weird things
11:53started happening
11:53like i looked at the back
11:54and there was a shovel
11:55and there was a plastic tarp
11:57and then
11:58i looked at wes
12:00and i was like
12:01this is weird right
12:02and then
12:02wes is really smart
12:05and he was like
12:06sir i have to go
12:06to the bathroom
12:07and these guys like
12:08no you can't go
12:08to the bathroom
12:09we're almost to the house
12:10and was like
12:10i really have to pee
12:11and he's like
12:12no
12:12and so wes just
12:13bolted out of the car
12:14and he ran in that direction
12:16and i ran in that direction
12:17and the guy
12:18he just chased wes
12:20instead
12:20and he killed him
12:21and he
12:22and i feel guilty
12:24that i'm alive
12:25and he's not
12:26but
12:28but then i got
12:30but wait wait
12:31i'm not finished
12:32hold on
12:33that's when i got really brave
12:34and i jumped on his back
12:37and i
12:37i whacked him with the shovel
12:39like two times
12:39really hard
12:40and he started wobbling
12:41and he was like
12:41get up
12:42stay down
12:44stay down
12:45right
12:46but he was wobbling away
12:48and so i said
12:49i just gotta grab wes
12:50and put him in the car
12:51and take him to the police
12:52and that's when you showed up
12:54why didn't you just call us
12:55because there's no cell phone
12:58get your hands out of your pocket
13:00stop yelling at me
13:01like i'm the bad guy
13:03i'm the good one here
13:05the bad guy is out in the woods
13:08and you are wasting your time here with me
13:09i promise you
13:10i'll stay here
13:11i'll be a little
13:12well behaved nugget
13:13so have you used any substances
13:15no i haven't used any substances
13:16please
13:17one of you
13:18i'm begging you
13:19you
13:19or you
13:20go in the woods
13:22he could be out there
13:24please
13:26go check it out
13:29thank you
13:31sir
13:31thank you
13:32arm the ground
13:33and just wait here
13:34yes
13:34okay
13:35i will
13:35he's wearing a black button-up shirt
13:38and silk black pants
13:39i'll take care of it sir
13:41make sure you get the right one
13:43dispatch
13:43uh this is officer mar
13:45i'm out on old hut road
13:46i need backup
13:47we have an incident out here
13:49about uh 50 yards off the turnout
13:52thank you so much
13:55listen officer
13:56i have a question
13:58it's totally okay if this is a no
13:59but my knees are really just barking at me
14:01is it okay if i just sit
14:03like crisscross applesauce
14:04sir
14:04that is
14:06thank you
14:06oh thank you so much
14:07thank you
14:08it's fine sir
14:08good at your job
14:09and kind too
14:10i hope your friend's doing okay out there
14:14this guy is really dangerous
14:17i mean
14:17i think he could be a
14:18an actual serial killer
14:20the the the poise
14:22the charisma
14:24he's just a real professional
14:27please be quiet
14:29sorry
14:29copy
14:35is that backup calling in
14:39sorry
14:41none of my business
14:43good thing for backup though right
14:46did you always know you wanted to be a cop
15:04that that's personal i'm sorry
15:07i'm just curious about the the whole process you know it's such an important job
15:13you've got to be really good at it
15:15so do they vet you
15:16is it like a really long school
15:18can anybody become a cop
15:20so many people's lives in your hands you know it's like airline pilots you know you're just like
15:27okay he's flying us around i hope he's competent
15:31i know i'm talking a lot just two more quick things first i'm so sorry i was such a crazy person earlier i'm together now
15:54and secondly thank you thank you for showing up and and being so good at your job
16:01there's no one out there
16:03yeah
16:04yeah
16:05but i did find some blood
16:07and some evidence of a scuffle for sure so
16:10let's not learn about that
16:12not lie
16:13wait you think i
16:14you thought i was lying
16:15we don't know what happened here sir
16:17all we know is that we found you dragging a dead body in a sheet of plastic heading towards your car
16:23it's his car not my car
16:27yeah okay but you're the only person out here
16:29and we have a responsibility to go with only the evidence we have
16:33so
16:34wes
16:36wes
16:37you're alive
16:38easy easy
16:39back away sir
16:40back away
16:41sit down
16:42you okay
16:44you okay
16:44you're okay buddy
16:46you're okay
16:46sir we need you to be quiet so that we can ask your friend some questions
16:50slowly slowly look
16:51take it slow
16:52take it slow
16:53okay so we got you we got you we got you we got you we got you easy breaths
16:56we got you easy breaths
16:57okay
16:58okay
16:59sir are you okay
17:02i don't i don't know i i don't
17:06sir i'm a police officer i'm here to help
17:10i can't i'm sorry i can't really see you like i'm who are you
17:15i'm a police officer i'm here to help
17:17you are you are you are oh my god oh my god thank you thank you where is he where where is
17:27that horrible man which man which man who are you talking about the killer the killer he
17:32he's wearing a black button-up shirt with black pants and he's so fucking evil he's so evil he he's so evil he he he said he was a real estate agent and he wanted to make a video for some stupid fucking house show and then he chased me into the woods and then he tried to kill me with a shovel
17:54okay okay okay okay all right sir
17:57oh
17:59ew
18:00oh
18:01oh
18:01oh wow
18:03that's a lot of blood
18:05oh
18:06oh
18:07oh
18:09oh
18:09oh
18:11oh
18:11we need to get him to a hospital
18:12okay all right
18:13wait wait you're not finished questioning him yet though
18:15no no get him in the hospital get him to the hospital
18:17take him in take him in go
18:19i got him here we go here we go follow me sir sir we need you to back away you're okay okay come on come on come on come on it's okay sir follow us to the hospital okay yes and then we'll continue the question yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
18:49are you serious sir sir what are you doing get back in the car follow us directly to the hospital i have to talk to you about something get back in your car
19:11it's gonna be a bit uncomfortable but it's very very important
19:15i don't know
19:15it's your turn man
19:16we don't have time
19:18is he kidding me
19:18we have somebody
19:20i know
19:20get him to the hospital
19:21go ahead
19:23go ahead
19:23go ahead
19:23go ahead
19:23go ahead
19:23go ahead
19:24go ahead
19:24go ahead
19:24yeah
19:24oh okay
19:26we gotta get there
19:26yeah i know we gotta get there
19:28go on man
19:28god damn it sir
19:30thank you
19:30what are you doing
19:31thank you
19:32you have to follow us to the hospital
19:33turn around here so we can turn around
19:36no no no no
19:39yeah i'll be 23 back on the town property gates and i'll be 76 to the williams road address to see if i can
19:46what i wanted to tell you is that you're incredibly unprofessional
19:51fake
19:56un
19:57pro
19:58professional
19:59you guys should not be letting people like me go
20:06it's so disappointing
20:09you're supposed to protect us
20:11i don't know
20:18maybe it's me
20:20maybe i'm just getting old
20:23is excellence not a thing anymore
20:27it's like all we're shooting for is just a
20:32b minus
20:34everybody gets a trophy you know
20:39sure everybody gets a trophy
20:41you get a trophy
20:44you get a trophy
20:46everybody gets a trophy
20:49oh
20:50hey
20:52uh
20:53oh
20:53right
20:561042
20:57copy of the song
20:58on river street
20:59select
21:00540
21:02on river street
21:04we have a break of this batch
21:11i have a break of this batch
21:12I have a freak on this batch.
21:42I have a freak on this batch.
22:12I have a freak on this batch.
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