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The Assembly (CA) - Season 1 Episode 6 -
Russell Peters
Russell Peters
Category
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FunTranscript
00:00which way is he coming from this way or this way that way okay thanks yeah just
00:06wanted to have a view of seeing him coming oh I didn't know we were filming
00:14I would not look at my phone like a jerk can you give that to my brother when we
00:19got a sec I've hidden folders so you won't find everything in there it's not
00:22as creepy as you think you get to have a seat till he comes right away you bet
00:27you bet so I should also welcome him and stuff right totally you've got it hi
00:33guys okay where do I go here chair there's a chair I have a chair nice hi
00:42guys nice to see you by the way how are you what's your name Lyle Lex here nice
00:48nice I own Lex Lexler Lexier Russell Lexier with sexier when it's Lex here yeah
00:53that's right very nice to meet you my family and I are like huge fans of
00:58yours I thank your family for having low standards
01:00oh hi it's nice to meet you I'm Alexis hey Alexis nice to have Alexis hi hi I'm
01:07Ellie hey Millie were you gonna ask me questions through that I love it yes
01:12maybe all right hey buddy I'm Luke hey Luke how are you Luke at you I've been
01:18family you for 14 years oh thanks Luke it's like I've known you since you were
01:22a baby I like your sense of humor on some of your shows on some of them though yeah
01:31I don't want them all I only have watched some shows I don't blame you it's not
01:34that good all right everybody I think we're ready to start while you get to
01:46open the show for us while here's your microphone Alex here that's right while
01:52you're welcome to the assembly a collective of autistic and neurodivergent interviewers we
02:09are very delighted to have you join us today our rules are no subjects are out of bounds no questions
02:17are off the table and all might happen can you please tell us who you are my name is Russell Peters
02:25I'm a stand-up comedian for the past 36 years and this is gonna be fun because I too have I have no
02:33filter already so it's just nice to meet other humans with no filters first question comes from
02:41Mariah thank you Russell once again my family and I are huge fans of yours thank you anyways um I've
02:50got a question for you so um what is your most embarrassing moment oh that's a lot of those um
02:58I have two marriages to prove that no I have not that I don't want to put you on the spot
03:04um my most embarrassing moment I don't know you know embarrass I I tend to say embarrassing things
03:12when I meet celebrities you would think oh Russell you've been in the business a long time must be a
03:16old hat to you no I still panic I'll tell you a story I met Willem Dafoe this is maybe about
03:2310 or 12 years ago I'm at the Toronto Film Festival I'm standing in the hallway and he's
03:28standing right beside me and I'm like holy mackerel that's that's Willem Dafoe right there
03:32and uh and now you would think that your brain would start giving you all the movies he's been
03:38in right no not my brain my brain much like yours just went the other let's go in the other direction
03:42and uh my brain somebody years ago told me Willem Dafoe has a huge penis that's what I remember
03:48that's the only thing that popped into my head not at this movie that movie my brain went that guy's
03:55got a huge penis and my panicked brain I go hey nice to see you guys hey nice yeah I go you got a film
04:03in the festival he goes yeah you I go yeah me too he goes oh congrats I go thanks man hey congrats on
04:09your penis and he goes what I go no I heard you got a big one I said if I have him like that I'd have
04:25him hanging out right now and then and then he goes what and then you hear Russell Peters I go nice
04:31to meet you and I walked away that might be up there with one of my most embarrassing I'm sure
04:38there's plenty to share thanks Mariah I like your cube what is that one it's got a seal and an otter
04:48and a jellyfish on it it's from tea time he feeds the seals you feed the seals at the aquarium oh yes oh
04:54nice I also like otters I'm an otter person yeah you otter be in pictures
04:59Damon is next Damon Damon
05:07look very young Damon that very nice clear smooth skin like a seal almost
05:17that being said TJ would like to feed you
05:22I love that thanks so much I am a handsome 24 year old seal yes you are
05:38I am non-speaking so it will take a little time for me to type my question no problem
05:49now my brain thinks Damon has a British accent
05:55you really want to mess with me change it to the Indian accent it'll really freak me out Damon
06:00um Russell would you at all be okay taking off your glasses sure yeah is that okay
06:09amazing am I reflecting is that we're reflecting yeah there I am I was trying to hide my tired eyes guys
06:18don't worry don't worry you look bad you look great yeah fabulous
06:23mom quick question before iPads and stuff how did you and Damon communicate we did not
06:30oh he didn't communicate until he was 14 that's no so you have 10 years now and it's only going to get
06:37better exactly in your book call me Russell you described a specific racial slur that was used
06:49as a way for bullies to assert their feelings of superiority over you as a child and teenager at the
06:56time when you wrote this you couldn't find humor in such name-calling so my question is what do you think of
07:05the use of the r-word to describe people like me well see it's funny you should say that that's a good
07:13question Damon because um I would self-admittedly say I use the r-word all day long but it's never
07:22about anybody with it's mostly about situations for me like or my I've been saying it so long too it's
07:29it's one of those things where I know my intention but I also know we're not to say it you know I'm not
07:34out there uh but I would never call somebody like you that it's just that that to me that to me is
07:39out of line that's when you're using it in the wrong way it's a it's a it's a venomous way of using
07:44it the evil way the evil way that yeah that's the that's the wrong way okay thank you so much thanks
07:54Damon Julia your turn Julia your next love thank you um what was your favorite moment from the time
08:09spent in the school that you went to um the one where you said all the autistic people sat on the
08:14table together this is not new to me this was like being in high school really right now my school was
08:19like this it was and so I loved it because I feel like here now tell me if I'm wrong but I feel like
08:26autistic people are on a different level and and what they would consider regular people I think we're
08:32stuck in a way of doing certain things you guys are able to see and do things that we just can't figure
08:38out when people say special needs I hate the term special needs because your needs aren't special your
08:44needs are um you have actually basic needs uh we have the special needs I can't have gluten special
08:50need you know I'm there I'm lactose intolerant special need you know what I mean you want to get
08:54into a building that's not a special need that's a basic need you know what I mean you need an elevator
08:59that's not a special need that's a basic need I need to get upstairs so um being in that high school
09:06for grade 11 and 12 really it just showed me how much better the world can be you know when I was in
09:12the other school with all the the normies um they were dicks you know and I never I never I never had
09:20that problem in the other school like like I look at everybody here I go oh finally real people you
09:25know nobody's hiding behind anything thank you thank you Liam you're next good old Liam I gotta be
09:36honest Liam you're the least Liam looking Liam I've ever seen in my life uh thank you I think
09:44Liam you a power lifter or something jeez uh yeah I am yeah you look like you could lift the whole room
09:52right now um you've discussed uh notions of challenging political correctness and I was
10:02wondering what that meant to you to challenge convention like that well I've always been a guy
10:08that's questioned everything you can't just tell me something expect me to go okay um there's there's
10:15always gonna be more information behind it than than just the okay you know if it's not affecting or
10:20hurting anybody why do we have to do that just we're not a bunch of robots and that's why we're all
10:26here today because we all have different ways of looking at things and uh if if it's up to political
10:31correctness they won't let any of us talk you know they're like oh they're gonna say something
10:35out of line I go well I hope so because that's what I want I want to hear people tell the truth
10:40saying what you saw isn't bad and you know you saw it that when people tell me oh you can't say
10:46that but that's really what happened political silence yeah that's what I call it that's good
10:50one political silence I like that I'm so afraid of scaring of offending someone up that's almost
10:55getting scary in that way well yeah that's that I mean that's part of Georgia O'Wallian concept
11:00yeah you know look at you I mean I'll make I've been making jokes to you guys all day
11:05but somebody's gonna watch this and get offended for you and I think when people get offended on
11:09your behalf it's even worse because that means they're looking at you like they're smarter than
11:13you and you're like no you weren't there you weren't feeling the energy in the room you know
11:18and that's I hate that kind of stuff like oh you should have said that to Liam unless Liam tells me
11:22himself I'm not gonna know you know what I mean thank you yeah Alexis you're next
11:29uh hello um so I um heard that you didn't have such a great relationship with your mom growing up
11:43uh but that it's changed now over time and I was wondering kind of what happened like was it you
11:51that changed was it her that changed or was it like a little bit of both that like repaired your
11:55relationship well it's funny because um my mom doesn't realize that we had a strained relationship
12:02when I was a kid because uh so my mom has not changed at all yeah okay I had to understand
12:09my mom yeah more than she had to understand me and once I realized my mom really didn't have
12:15any bad intentions she just had a different way of doing things yeah it made that made it a lot
12:20easier you know and then and now my mama's boy what are you gonna do you know uh you know she's 84
12:25years old and yeah and she's still kicking and she's you know she's mom and she's so little you
12:32know okay I wouldn't say I had a bad relationship either when I was a kid it's just that
12:37my mom is very fair-skinned so I was when I was getting uh racially bullied when I was a kid in
12:43the park and I would come home and my mom wouldn't give me that much sympathy I was just assuming she
12:49was because she was white um I was like oh you're white that's why you're acting like that she's like
12:53I'm from India how am I white and I'm like well you're very fair-skinned and I'm like and I'm like
12:59doesn't matter you're one of them to me right but that's but that's always been her way of dealing
13:03with since she's never like oh my god are you okay she's never been that person yeah I don't
13:07think she's capable of being that person um but that's fine that's just who mom is you know you
13:11gotta accept people the way they are for sure yeah you can't change them so you have if you want to
13:15really be what's around people you have to bend the way you think to understand the way they think
13:20that's good advice for my mom there you go see let her know yeah and maybe she doesn't like you
13:25because you're white and I'm just kidding I I'm kidding I'm kidding I don't know maybe yeah
13:30what are you making I'm making a bag nice it's a crochet bag that's pretty cool yeah thank you
13:42uh Nilly you're next I was wondering when Nilly was gonna get up here
13:47sorry somebody wrote all over you Nilly
13:52um so I am a queer person to me that is an umbrella term that covers me being transgender
14:04and also varying sexual preferences my question to you is have you had any queer experiences or fantasies
14:15myself no I mean uh I don't know the problem with two girls with me but I mean
14:23but I I've never no that's I mean that's why I really understand it as it's not uh it's not a
14:31choice you know it's just the way you are and I kind of accept everybody the way they are
14:36because whatever you are doing is really none of my business you know but if I care about you I just
14:42want to make sure you're good you know it's never been for me but I do have some very close gay
14:47friends and some trans friends I have friends right across the board so I get to ask them all the
14:53questions I want you know because when you're friends with somebody they understand where your
14:55heart is and where your um what your intentions are when you ask questions so I tend to ask a lot
15:01of questions just because I want the actual answers I don't want to ask a straight guy about how a
15:05trans person should feel that's not fair to you you know so if I have a question I'll be like
15:10Millie I need some answers yeah thanks thanks Millie
15:16Nick you are up okay then hey Nick pleasure to meet you no worries good hat thank you anyways my
15:27question we're gonna dwell a little on your past okay something a little more interesting how you used
15:33to uh deal uh weed and hash back in those days oh yes was there any particular instances when you nearly
15:39got nabbed and that that caused you to think of maybe giving up and is that even why you gave up
15:44no I uh so back in the day I needed money and I never did drugs and uh I knew some guys that
15:54had drugs oh yes and we're talking in the late 80s weed was illegal at the time right and so I needed
16:03money and these guys said here and they gave me a brick of hashish and and they said give us back
16:10this much and whatever you make after that is yours I remember sitting down in my bedroom and I took
16:14this little brick of hash and I cut it all up into ten dollar pieces and I wrapped it up in tinfoil and I
16:20went out and I saw my friend's brother was like hey you smoke hash he goes yeah I go you want to buy
16:25some he goes you got and I go yeah I go how much you go ten bucks piece of black hash I sell it to
16:32my friend's brother I'm like all right I made my first sale I'm a drug dealer now and uh and maybe
16:38about no about half an hour later his brother comes back goes I don't want it anymore and I go wait
16:43what because I want my money back I'm like how am I the only drug dealer to return policy so me
16:50thinking I'm street right I grab it I go let me see it and I open it up something didn't feel right
16:55about it but I'm like I don't know maybe I've been touching it all day and I smelt it but my hands
16:59already had the hash on my fingers so I'm giving you way too much drug information but when you break
17:03black hash it's brown on the inside yes so I broke it and it was brownish on the inside I go all right
17:09but I give him his money back but I'm like I'm not convinced and then I just went I put it to my tongue
17:14and he took the hash and gave me back you know those nibs the little black licorice he took a
17:21little black licorice and gave it back to me oh my god so I got ripped off on my first drug deal
17:27ouch I learned very early that that was not the world for me
17:30so it wasn't even about getting caught it was more about getting ripped off
17:35oh man yeah did you sell the rest of it I did sell the rest of it yeah I had a staunch no return
17:43policy after that very strict thanks Nick no problem at all fantastic
17:49um Luke P Luke P
17:54how's it going Russell hey Luke P how are you I'm doing incredible I've been a fan of you for 14
18:02years and I love your stand-ups on Netflix and YouTube man thank you um my question for you is
18:08you're Canadian but live in the United States what are some of the best and worst moments of living in
18:15the U.S. I mean the best moments of living in the U.S. were all pre-Trump and um yeah
18:23and uh uh you know the worst moments are living in them now buddy you know it is very frightening and
18:36it is very heartbreaking what's going on in the world right now I mean I you know I talk about
18:42it in my act I say you know because I'm I'm not an American citizen I've been there 20 years and
18:46they asked me are you going to get citizenship I said no they said why not I said I'm not giving
18:50up Canadian they go you don't have to go but I don't want the other one I'm very happy with my
18:54Canadian citizenship and they said what if they kick you out I go that's not a threat putting a
18:59send me back to Canada that's not a threat that's that's kind of an upgrade thank you I uh
19:04thanks again for coming Russell and we have all a lot of respect for you ma'am thank you you too
19:11Luke thanks Luke Pete Alex you're up
19:18thank you okay so a bit more of a serious question for you um do you ever feel like you've become a
19:30safe brown guy for white audiences someone who makes race funny without making it uncomfortable
19:36I mean that was always my goal to do that not not the safe brown guy part but uh you know I'm from
19:45a different generation I grew up in a different generation than the brown kids now so my experience
19:51is completely different than their experience they have each other to lean against and I didn't have
19:55any so being a Indian kid that grew up in Brampton before it was majority Indian and so hung around
20:04the Jamaican kids so my experience my childhood memories are all very like they're very different
20:11than the kids now yeah so I don't know if I'm a safe space but I'm definitely a reminder what Canada
20:16used to look like or what it used to sound like even yeah are you happy to see the difference of what
20:21it is I'm happy to see the difference I'm just not happy to see the lack of simulation anymore
20:26I think it'd be great if we all intermingled more because that's what made Canada so
20:31kept moving us forward and the minute we all start to just find our tribe and and go away that
20:36that separates us and that defeats the purpose of coming to another country yeah well thank you
20:42thanks yeah okay thanks Alex looking forward to that bag oh yeah
20:47thanks man welcome
21:13well that's my energy for the day I'm just kidding everybody feeling good
21:20um all right back to the questions next is Sophie
21:27so uh Forbes magazine calls you one of the richest comedians what do you spend all your money on
21:39taxes taxes taxes ex-wives baby mamas everything but me those were the good old days weren't they
21:52pre-debt I call it yeah you know you know you I think we're all pretty regular people here we grew up in
22:01normal houses with normal parents we didn't live a luxurious life we got whatever we got and then
22:07and when you're a kid like me who grew up wanting things that your parents could never afford when
22:12you start making money you start buying all the things you ever thought you wanted and then when
22:17COVID started it taught me that I didn't need any of these things yeah well good thank you so much
22:24thanks Sophie Gen Z Gen C from Gen Z
22:31howdy rascal I mean Russell yep I did yeah I did get names wrong and you know I gotta tell you there
22:45there were there were so many peps I've I've done like since uh um like since since age two to to to
22:53present and uh and long long story and uh um do you have any any regrets like that in life like uh what
23:02did you do and uh what happened I mean I think uh I don't think I have any regrets I mean there's
23:10situations that probably could have handled better but I wouldn't call them regrets because everything
23:14becomes a learning moment you know yeah and I also live uh I am one of those people who lives a life
23:20of oh wells rather than what ifs so I think a regret would be uh a what if would be a regret
23:28what if I did that well I should have done it then you know
23:31yep like uh um like like right now I'm always like oh I shouldn't have done that you should have
23:40done it I guess guess I did and I'm glad you did for sure yep I'll I'll take your word on that
23:46anyway it was great meeting you guys thanks Gen Z yeah great Millie would you like to close the show
23:54for us so how was this experience for you was it difficult it wasn't difficult at all it was
24:08actually really fun because uh I like people that are not um there's no filter and I'm no filter
24:15and so it's like talking to a bunch of me you know so it was great for me a great experience
24:22thank you guys are all wonderful you got beautiful hearts and uh it's a wonderful thing
24:27and we thank you and it's a pleasure to have you yeah thanks for having me it's a pleasure to have
24:33you myself that was a good impression of Russell yeah good dancer with you
24:41it's very nice to meet you did he finish it no I finished okay this part the bag part but not the
24:51of the hand oh yeah yeah I got it it's pretty quick though yeah thank you it's impressive
24:55you too I got you I'm right here that's me touching you yeah not in a creepy way I hope
25:02here we go thank you thank you thank you thank you can I give you a hug thank you buddy I'm nice to
25:17meet you too brother good to see you good dancing with you
25:19thank you
25:24so
25:27so
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