Lonely Wives (1931) Edward Everett Horton, Esther Ralston, Maude Eburne and Laura La Plante

Classic Public Movies

Watch Lonely Wives (1931) Edward Everett Horton, Esther Ralston, Maude Eburne and Laura La Plante - Classic Public Movies on Dailymotion

Transcript

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00:03:36Diane, get here by 8 o'clock.

00:03:39Yes, 8 o'clock.

00:03:42Will you come?

00:03:43Sure, I'll be there.

00:04:00Oh, Miss Miller.

00:04:02Mr. Smith wants you to bring your notebook and pencil.

00:04:04More dictation.

00:04:07Remarkable, how active his mind is tonight.

00:04:10It's nearly 8 o'clock.

00:04:11You had better hurry.

00:04:12Hurry, nothing.

00:04:14I want to see how a man acts when he, uh, blooms.

00:04:27Good evening, Andrews.

00:04:28I hope you haven't kept Fred waiting for me.

00:04:30No, ma'am.

00:04:31Is Mr. Smith finished yet?

00:04:32He's having a dessert in his room.

00:04:34Dessert in his room, eh?

00:04:35Well, thank heaven I got home before 8 o'clock.

00:04:38Yes, ma'am.

00:04:39Just a minute, Andrews.

00:04:39I'll take this.

00:04:40It's a new photograph record.

00:04:42But we must not let him grow tired of the other one.

00:04:45No, ma'am.

00:04:46A man can't be reminded too much of anything.

00:04:48Even a wife.

00:04:59Dessert in his room, eh?

00:05:01Pardon me, were you looking for someone?

00:05:04Well, certainly not for you.

00:05:06I had no idea that Mr. Smith was entertaining lady friends.

00:05:10Well, I'd hardly say I'd gotten that far.

00:05:13I'm only here on trial.

00:05:23Trial?

00:05:24Yes.

00:05:25He promised that if I made good today, he'd keep me.

00:05:30Keep you?

00:05:33Oh.

00:05:33Oh, I see.

00:05:35You're the new secretary.

00:05:37Well, of course.

00:05:38What did you think?

00:05:39Well, if you knew my son-in-law as I know him, you wouldn't blame me for having this judge, Joe.

00:05:44You don't mean he's a passion flower.

00:05:46Well, he's no geranium.

00:05:50And if you're wise, you won't stay here another minute.

00:05:54I don't mind.

00:05:55I get paid double for it.

00:05:57Nothing could pay you for what might happen.

00:06:00You're not at all the sort of a young woman that should be around here after 8 o'clock.

00:06:05You'd be surprised.

00:06:07Andrews?

00:06:08Andrews?

00:06:12Where in the name of sense are you?

00:06:13Andrews?

00:06:14Yes, yes, sir.

00:06:16Yes, sir.

00:06:16The hopper on my filing cabinet's all broken.

00:06:18All my important papers all over the floor.

00:06:20Pick them up at once.

00:06:21Yes, sir.

00:06:21At once.

00:06:21Yes, sir.

00:06:25Miss Middell, you have those papers ready for my signature?

00:06:27Not yet, Mrs. Smith.

00:06:29You see your mother-in-law.

00:06:29Oh, hang my mother-in-law.

00:06:33Yes, sir.

00:06:34Huh?

00:06:36Oh, hello, mother.

00:06:37Oh, mother, pardon my English.

00:06:40I thought you were in Newark.

00:06:41Well, sorry to disappoint you.

00:06:43But Richard, if you're not too busy, I would like just a word with you.

00:06:46One word?

00:06:47Well, that's unusual, mother.

00:06:48What is it?

00:06:48I want to see you alone.

00:06:50Well, that's impossible at the present moment, mother.

00:06:51Impossible.

00:06:52But, Richard, I have something very important to tell you.

00:06:54Miss Middell, Miss Middell, please.

00:06:55What did you do with those papers in the Randall murder case?

00:06:57Richard, I have a surprise for you.

00:07:00Oh, you're going home.

00:07:01Oh, I'm sorry.

00:07:02Mother, please.

00:07:03Can't you see that I'm busy with Miss Middell?

00:07:05Miss Middell, busy, please.

00:07:06Busy, busy, busy.

00:07:07Hmm.

00:07:08Busy.

00:07:09Mother, your suspicions hurt me.

00:07:11Now, what possible objection can you have to Miss Middell?

00:07:13Well, I don't like her wiggle.

00:07:15Her what?

00:07:15Her wiggle.

00:07:16Her walk.

00:07:16Oh, I haven't noticed it.

00:07:18Miss Middell, wiggle.

00:07:19That is, walk, please.

00:07:24Oh.

00:07:25That will do.

00:07:27Never do that again during business hours.

00:07:28Never.

00:07:31Now, come, mother.

00:07:32Come.

00:07:33Run along.

00:07:34Run along like a good little girl,

00:07:35and I promise you the only thing that she'll wiggle is her corona.

00:07:39But, Richard, now we must have our talk.

00:07:43You'll send for me when she leaves?

00:07:44I will, mother.

00:07:45I will if you'll promise not to come until I send for you.

00:07:48All right, Richard, dear.

00:07:50Remember, I trust you.

00:07:54Since when?

00:07:59Now, Miss Middell, where were we?

00:08:01I, um, oh, yes, yes, yes.

00:08:04Oh, yes.

00:08:06Mm-hmm.

00:08:06Remarkable speech of Richard Smith in the Randall murder case.

00:08:09Hmm.

00:08:09The eminent lawyer.

00:08:10Hmm.

00:08:12Oh, my word.

00:08:14Why, that's a picture of me.

00:08:15Why, you couldn't tell me from the murderer.

00:08:19You know, I could sue a firm like this.

00:08:20Sue them for libel.

00:08:22Come, come, come, come, come, come.

00:08:23Uh, to work.

00:08:24Dictation.

00:08:25Take a letter.

00:08:26You ready?

00:08:27Shoot.

00:08:28I...

00:08:28Dignity, please, Miss Middell, during office hours.

00:08:32I'll try it again.

00:08:33Are you ready?

00:08:34Yes, Mr. Smith.

00:08:35That's better.

00:08:36Mr. George Spellbin, Elizabethtown, New York, dear sir.

00:08:39Got that?

00:08:39Just a minute.

00:08:40Miss Middell, what is the matter?

00:08:42Mr. Smith.

00:08:43Mr. George Spellbin was the name, Elizabethtown, New York.

00:08:46Dear sir.

00:08:47I'm in receipt of your proposition,

00:08:50offering me $1,000 to assist you in the defense of your client

00:08:53accused of, uh, of, uh, dear me, what was that accusation?

00:08:57Murder.

00:08:58Don't tell me.

00:09:00Your suggestion that two weeks in the country

00:09:02would be almost a vacation.

00:09:05Period.

00:09:07We'll make the fee $2,000 and cut the vacation.

00:09:09Gleaming lakes and rose gardens do not appeal to me,

00:09:14as I am a businessman.

00:09:16Strictly business.

00:09:17Strictly business.

00:09:29Gleaming lakes.

00:09:32And rose gardens.

00:09:34Well, that's a pretty thought.

00:09:41Pretty flower.

00:09:47That letter can wait, Miss Middell.

00:09:49Take a note.

00:09:51Miss Lucille Darling, of Vanderbilt Hotel, New York City.

00:09:54Have you got that?

00:09:55Just a minute.

00:09:56Take your time, Miss Middell.

00:09:57Take your time.

00:09:58My dear Miss Darling,

00:10:02I called at your apartment last Tuesday night

00:10:05four times between the hours of 8 and 12.

00:10:09When you make an appointment with me,

00:10:10you should not fool me.

00:10:12Would you please return my blue silk pajamas?

00:10:16Mr. Smith!

00:10:17Which I loaned you for the art students' ball.

00:10:25Very disrespectfully, Richard...

00:10:28But you know my name, Miss Middell.

00:10:30I don't have to tell you.

00:10:32We'll call it a day, shall we?

00:10:35It's been a very hard day, too.

00:10:37I wonder, do you feel like a cordial?

00:10:38Very cordial.

00:10:40Oh, you little wisecracker.

00:10:43You may wiggle for me if you like.

00:10:47Yes, that'll do.

00:10:53Mother was right.

00:10:54A very dangerous woman.

00:10:58Doubly dangerous.

00:11:00Andrews!

00:11:04Oh, Andrews!

00:11:08Andrews, bring a cordial, will you please?

00:11:10Sorry, sir, but there's not a drink in the house.

00:11:13Mrs. Mantle's ordered, sir.

00:11:16Oh, how stupid.

00:11:18But you weren't thirsty anyway, were you?

00:11:20No.

00:11:21But you didn't say anything about nothing being on the hip.

00:11:26Good old Andrews.

00:11:28Your Andrews is a perfect container.

00:11:30I mean, retainer.

00:11:33Bring some glasses, will you, Andrews?

00:11:35Yes, sir.

00:11:35Well, you said you'd give me a day's trial.

00:11:38Well, how do you like my work?

00:11:40A little, uh, a little rough, but sincere.

00:11:43You consider yourself engaged.

00:11:46Thank you, Andrews.

00:11:48You're quite sure that this is fit for a lady?

00:11:51That'll fit anybody, sir.

00:11:52Say no more.

00:11:54Will, uh, you want me any more this evening, sir?

00:11:58Not this evening.

00:12:00Thank you, sir.

00:12:02Loose moments.

00:12:11You know, Miss Mittert, all great men must have their moments of relaxation.

00:12:16And the greater the man, the greater the moment.

00:12:19Are you suggesting anything?

00:12:21Anything.

00:12:27Do you like dancing?

00:12:29I love dancing.

00:12:31Is that so?

00:12:36Loose moments.

00:12:37Maderaine, my Maderaine, the skies are somber all over.

00:12:49I'm because of the midi.

00:12:59Liberty is going to the sky.

00:13:01I'm going to see the sky.

00:13:02Christmas, the skies are my heartache.

00:13:03All over the sky is like a mind.

00:13:04And the着 is coming into it again alive.

00:13:05Oh, here's my bet.

00:13:07Very high hope, huh?

00:13:08I wish I could

00:13:14What have you got on tonight?

00:13:28Nothing I can't get out of. Why?

00:13:33You know, you and I and Jessie James were just made for each other.

00:13:37Oh, really?

00:13:38Yes. I wonder, I wonder, will you meet me tonight at ten?

00:13:41Ten? Where?

00:13:42The lounge in the Hotel Aster. We'll have a little supper, we'll have a little dance, and...

00:13:46Oh, you have a pretty mouth.

00:13:47Oh, I like your mustache.

00:13:49Really? Well, shall we introduce them?

00:14:00Oh, Mother. I see you have on your rubber heels again.

00:14:04Miss Minter just met with a serious accident, dear Miss Minter.

00:14:08These things are very painful, but they must be endured.

00:14:11There.

00:14:12You feeling better?

00:14:13Yes.

00:14:13So am I.

00:14:15Miss Minter's just leaving.

00:14:16Yes, thank you.

00:14:17Will you meet me tomorrow, Mr. Smith?

00:14:19At ten. Ten at the Aster.

00:14:21Was that, Richie?

00:14:23Huh?

00:14:24Oh, I said ten o'clock.

00:14:25You said Aster.

00:14:26Did I?

00:14:27Yes, I asked her to come at ten.

00:14:29Well, I wish you, uh, good night.

00:14:33Oh, a very, very, very good night.

00:14:35Richard, I want to talk to you about something of great importance.

00:14:48Oh, this is an outrage.

00:14:50The idea of leaving important letters like this laying around on my desk.

00:14:54Andrews!

00:14:54What has happened?

00:14:55Oh, I told you.

00:14:56You know I told you.

00:14:57Of course, I, and now look, now, now it's happened.

00:14:59Where are you going?

00:15:00I'm going downtown.

00:15:01I'm business.

00:15:01Andrews, my hat, my stick.

00:15:03Yes.

00:15:03You're not going out of this house tonight.

00:15:05I have to, Mother.

00:15:05You don't understand.

00:15:06This is a matter of life or death.

00:15:08Andrews, if anybody telephones to me, you tell them that I've gone.

00:15:10Yes, sir.

00:15:10He won't.

00:15:11You haven't gone.

00:15:19Mother, would you stoop to do a thing like that?

00:15:24I'd do anything to keep you from going out.

00:15:26You don't seem to understand.

00:15:27This is for Mrs. Roach, Mrs. Cochran Roach.

00:15:29I don't care what kind of a roach she is.

00:15:31But I'm handling all her private affairs.

00:15:33You can do it in the daytime, not at night.

00:15:35Her husband has threatened to shoot her.

00:15:36And if he does that, I'll probably lose my fee.

00:15:38And if you go, you'll probably lose your wife.

00:15:41Let me see that note.

00:15:42Never.

00:15:43This is private.

00:15:44You mean it's an alibi.

00:15:46Andrews, take Mr. Smith's hat and stick.

00:15:51Now, Richard Smith, sit down.

00:15:55And you listen to me.

00:15:57You know I'm fond of you.

00:16:03Well, anybody can see that, Mother.

00:16:05And you promised Marilyn, as long as she was away, that you'd conduct your business here and never go out at night.

00:16:11A lawyer's life, Mother.

00:16:12You're the first one to regret it if you broke your promise to her.

00:16:15And a doctor's life.

00:16:16And you did it because you know how weak you are after eight o'clock.

00:16:20The public demands that a certain...

00:16:21You wanted her to have a happy, contented holiday.

00:16:24I certainly did.

00:16:25Well, that's the reason you're not going out tonight.

00:16:28Oh, I'm not going out?

00:16:30Not as long as I'm here to prevent it.

00:16:32An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.

00:16:35Well, in that case, Mother, you win.

00:16:37With a couple of pounds to spare.

00:16:39Richard.

00:16:42I dare say you'll think I'm a very foolish old woman.

00:16:46Oh, no, Mother.

00:16:46No, no, no.

00:16:47Not old.

00:16:48A little foolish, perhaps, but certainly not old.

00:16:52I bought you a little pheasant today.

00:16:54You bought something?

00:16:55Uh-huh.

00:16:56For me?

00:16:56Well, the idea.

00:16:58Well, what was it?

00:17:00Yes.

00:17:00Well, is it animal, vegetable, or mineral?

00:17:03Just a little reminder.

00:17:05It'll make a wonderful companion piece to old Madeline.

00:17:09Baby feet.

00:17:11Baby's footsteps on the stairs.

00:17:14Baby's footsteps on the stairs.

00:17:16I hear them now.

00:17:19Of those little feet.

00:17:22Pitty-patter, pitty-patter.

00:17:23On the stairs.

00:17:27Oh, Ma.

00:17:29Yes, Richard.

00:17:30That's my secret ambition.

00:17:33To hear the pitty-patter of little feet.

00:17:35Oh, Ma.

00:17:36Oh, Rich.

00:17:39Richard, you're now independently successful.

00:17:41And there's no further need of economy.

00:17:44And I...

00:17:45Now, Mother, don't flatter.

00:17:47Oh, Richard.

00:17:49I must do the pitter-patter of little feet.

00:17:52All right, Mother.

00:17:53I'll make a note of it.

00:17:57And tonight, I don't care what happens to Mrs. Cochran Roach.

00:18:01Andrews?

00:18:02Andrews?

00:18:03Oh, you see that, Mother?

00:18:05My voice is gone again.

00:18:06I've been talking altogether too much.

00:18:08Oh, I'm so sorry.

00:18:09Is there something I can do?

00:18:11No.

00:18:11No, just let me stay in here quietly and alone and rest all by myself.

00:18:14Andrews, my dressing gown.

00:18:16Yes, sir.

00:18:17Now there, Mother.

00:18:18Doesn't that prove to you that I can be trusted?

00:18:19I do trust you, Richard.

00:18:21I do.

00:18:22Well, good night, Mother.

00:18:23And I'm going to look in on you every now and then to remind you of it.

00:18:27Yes.

00:18:27You look in and I look out.

00:18:29Well, good night.

00:18:30Good night.

00:18:31Oh, and I have a surprise for you a little later on.

00:18:34Oh, that's splendid.

00:18:35Good night, Mother.

00:18:36Well, I wouldn't know she's telling you what it is.

00:18:38Well, you see, if you tell me, it won't be a surprise.

00:18:42Oh, you dear ridiculous boy.

00:18:45Oh, I'm so glad you're in a good humor tonight.

00:18:48Oh, I'm so happy.

00:18:49Well, could you close your mouth long enough to tell me what you're waiting for?

00:19:06Yes, sir.

00:19:07I didn't want to tell you in front of Mrs. Mantle, sir.

00:19:10But there's a young lady waiting to see you.

00:19:12A young lady?

00:19:13Yes, sir.

00:19:14To see me?

00:19:15Yes, sir.

00:19:16What kind of a young lady?

00:19:17Well, sir, I should say a very pleasant young lady.

00:19:21Blonde hair, blue eyes, five foot two, a hundred and six, and all around thirty-four with...

00:19:29That'll do.

00:19:30If I want to know anything more about the young lady, I'll find it out for myself.

00:19:35What is all around thirty-four?

00:19:37What do you want?

00:19:38Business, sir.

00:19:39She was sent by a mutual friend.

00:19:41You know as well as I do that it's long after business hour.

00:19:45Besides, my voice is gone again.

00:19:46I won't.

00:19:46I won't see anybody.

00:19:48I know, Mr. Smith, but I couldn't come any other time.

00:19:51Can't you see me?

00:19:58Why, who said I couldn't see you?

00:20:02That will do, Andrews.

00:20:05Yes, sir.

00:20:05I thought it would say.

00:20:12Pardon me, but haven't I seen you somewhere?

00:20:15Well, that depends.

00:20:16I may not have been there.

00:20:17Oh, yeah.

00:20:18Oh, I see that one.

00:20:21But I know your face.

00:20:22I'm sure that we must have met.

00:20:25Well, I...

00:20:25Now, now, now, don't tell me.

00:20:26I'll get you in just a minute.

00:20:27Yes.

00:20:28Won't you, uh, won't you sit down?

00:20:30Yes.

00:20:31Oh, I'll get you, yes.

00:20:35I know your face.

00:20:38No.

00:20:39Why, it's Miss O'Dea.

00:20:41Yes.

00:20:41Diane O'Dea.

00:20:42My favorite screen actress.

00:20:44Really?

00:20:45How not?

00:20:45Why, I feel that we should be very, very good friends.

00:20:48I've seen so much of you.

00:20:50What?

00:20:50Oh, I mean, I've seen you so often.

00:20:53Oh, I'm afraid you're making fun of me.

00:20:57Not at all.

00:20:58Not at all.

00:20:59Diane O'Dea.

00:21:01Well, uh, what can I do to you, uh, for you, Miss O'Dea?

00:21:05Andrews, the man, he said something about, uh, a mutual friend.

00:21:08Yes, your new secretary, Kitty Minter, advised me to come and see you.

00:21:12Oh, you're a friend of Miss Minter's?

00:21:14Yes.

00:21:14Oh, well.

00:21:16And old Mr. Smith.

00:21:18I think you're a perfectly wonderful man.

00:21:20Really?

00:21:21Mm-hmm.

00:21:22I mean, in your business.

00:21:23Oh.

00:21:24Everyone's talking about the wonderful speech you made in the Randall murder case.

00:21:27Oh, they're talking about it, aren't they?

00:21:28Yes.

00:21:29Well, well.

00:21:29The one about, uh, lonely wives?

00:21:32Yes, it was very good.

00:21:33Uh, uh, uh, that came right from the heart.

00:21:36And that's why I came?

00:21:38Yes?

00:21:38Of course, uh, of course, you're a murder lawyer, aren't you?

00:21:41Yes, I specialize in murders.

00:21:43You haven't been murdered anybody, have you?

00:21:47Well, no, not yet.

00:21:49That is, I have...

00:21:50Well, of course, I don't believe I could be very much assistance, you see, until after

00:21:53the crime was committed.

00:21:54Oh.

00:21:54Well, I only thought, on account of your, uh, feeling for lonely wives.

00:21:59Yes?

00:22:00You might get me a divorce from my husband.

00:22:03A husband?

00:22:04Uh-huh.

00:22:05A husband?

00:22:06Yes.

00:22:07That's, uh, that's different.

00:22:08Well, as a matter of fact, Miss Odea, I thoroughly and strongly disapprove of divorce.

00:22:17My specialty is murder.

00:22:20Oh, but this would be such a little one.

00:22:22No.

00:22:23No.

00:22:24Just a nice, quiet, sweet little divorce.

00:22:27You do not realize that modern civilization is founded on, uh, uh, the unity, the...

00:22:35Those eyes.

00:22:39I don't suppose you mean that.

00:22:41Mean what, Mr. Smith?

00:22:43Why, that, uh, that, uh, come-and-get-me expression in them.

00:22:47Well, I don't know what you're talking about.

00:22:49Oh, what a pity.

00:22:52Do you know I can hardly believe that you're married?

00:22:55Well, I'm not very much.

00:22:57That's why I want the divorce.

00:23:00Your husband is giving you trouble?

00:23:02He's not giving me anything.

00:23:04He's an actor.

00:23:05A bad actor?

00:23:07Mm, not exactly.

00:23:08He's really quite good on a stage.

00:23:10Oh, what an alibi to get out every night.

00:23:13Well, I don't mind Felix going out.

00:23:15The trouble is that he doesn't come in.

00:23:17You mean to say that he leaves you all alone, all night?

00:23:20Every night?

00:23:21Well, no, not every night.

00:23:23And I can't stand the uncertainty.

00:23:26I'd be so much happier if he'd always come home when he's through at the theater.

00:23:30Or if I could depend on his staying out.

00:23:33You poor little woman.

00:23:39I'll see what I can do.

00:23:42Do you like dancing?

00:23:43Oh, I love it.

00:23:44You love it?

00:23:45But, uh, wouldn't we be rather crowded dancing in here?

00:23:57Well, uh, oh, that's not a bad idea.

00:24:01Why couldn't we adjourn to the Whoopi Club?

00:24:03No?

00:24:04You know, you and I and Jesse James were just made for each other.

00:24:08Oh, I couldn't.

00:24:10My husband's terribly jealous.

00:24:11He is.

00:24:13And yet he leaves you alone and lonely?

00:24:15Oh, well, that's just like a man.

00:24:17Do you know, Miss O'Dea, your friend, uh, Miss Minter and I,

00:24:21we have a little extra business that we're going to transact.

00:24:23And we go into conference at the Aster at 10 o'clock.

00:24:26Why couldn't we all get together and have a little supper?

00:24:28But wouldn't you be embarrassed with two girls?

00:24:31Two?

00:24:31And me feeling positively oriental?

00:24:34Oh.

00:24:34But I came to you for a divorce, not a party.

00:24:38Well, of course, Miss O'Dea,

00:24:39if you cannot consider yourself a party of the first part,

00:24:41what is it, Andrews?

00:24:42The front doorbell, sir.

00:24:44We'll see who it is.

00:24:45You might be interested to know, sir,

00:24:47that Mrs. Mantle is coming down the back stairs.

00:24:49Oh.

00:24:51She might not understand our business relations.

00:24:53Oh, well, I'll go.

00:24:54But, uh, that way.

00:24:56A little more difficult, but much safer.

00:24:58Oh.

00:24:58Hmm.

00:24:59And you won't forget 10 at the Aster,

00:25:05and we'll discuss your divorce case.

00:25:07You don't think I'll be doing wrong?

00:25:08Oh, time will tell.

00:25:10Time will tell.

00:25:12Just take a seat, sir.

00:25:13I'll tell him.

00:25:20Gentleman to see you, sir.

00:25:24The Great Zero.

00:25:26Meaning nothing.

00:25:27He said your secretary made an appointment, sir.

00:25:31Oh, yes, yes, yes.

00:25:32Oh, by all means.

00:25:33You have him come right in.

00:25:34Yes, sir.

00:25:35He might be a good excuse for my getting out.

00:25:38This way, sir.

00:25:49Oh.

00:25:50Hello, Mr. Smith.

00:25:52You understand, of course,

00:25:53that this is long after business hours.

00:25:55I can give you only five minutes.

00:25:57Mr. Smith, you are a very famous lawyer.

00:25:59Oh.

00:26:00Well, possibly 10 minutes.

00:26:02Would you sit down?

00:26:04I am a vaudeville impersonator, sir.

00:26:07I impersonate all the great men.

00:26:08Julius Caesar, William Jennings Bryan.

00:26:10Oh, all the dead ones.

00:26:12Oh, I do the live ones, too, sir.

00:26:13Yes, I know.

00:26:14I saw your act in the theater.

00:26:15You're really quite good.

00:26:16Oh, thank you.

00:26:18Your jury speeches, sir,

00:26:19have made you famous.

00:26:20I'm opening my new act at the palace next week,

00:26:22and I picked you as the man of the moment.

00:26:24May I impersonate you?

00:26:27You impersonate me?

00:26:30Well, how could you?

00:26:31Oh, as a matter of fact,

00:26:33yes, I think you do look a little bit like me.

00:26:35Oh, but I flatter you there, of course.

00:26:37But my dear sir...

00:26:38Mr. Smith, I could get your face in two minutes.

00:26:41You can do in two minutes

00:26:42what it's taken me all my life to do?

00:26:44Uh-huh.

00:26:45May I show you?

00:26:46You'll have to.

00:26:48Oh.

00:26:50May I, uh,

00:26:51would it make you nervous

00:26:51if I watch the operation?

00:26:532,000 people watch me every night.

00:26:55You have an inferiority complex, haven't you?

00:26:59Oh, very good.

00:27:00Make a few gestures.

00:27:01I'd like to study your tricks of, uh, expression,

00:27:03your mannerisms.

00:27:05Smile, please.

00:27:07Frown.

00:27:08Registered grief.

00:27:12Grief?

00:27:12Well, how do you grieve?

00:27:19Splendor.

00:27:21Persignation.

00:27:23Anger.

00:27:25Very good.

00:27:26I feel like a perfect fool.

00:27:28Very good.

00:27:30You make this rather snappy, won't you?

00:27:31I have some very heavy thinking

00:27:32to do before 10 o'clock.

00:27:35Have you a mother-in-law?

00:27:37No.

00:27:38My wife is an orphan.

00:27:39Oh, lucky boy.

00:27:41And not that I want to say anything

00:27:42against my mother-in-law.

00:27:43You're a very sweet old lady

00:27:44and very, very fond of me.

00:27:46Only she works too hard at it.

00:27:48Oh, tries to run you out of your own home,

00:27:50I suppose.

00:27:50No.

00:27:51Tries to keep me in it.

00:27:52Tonight, for instance,

00:27:53I have a date at 10 with a lady.

00:27:55With two ladies.

00:27:57Two ladies?

00:27:58What for?

00:27:59Well, I don't know just what for.

00:28:00Of course, I have an idea,

00:28:02but I don't know.

00:28:03One of them is married.

00:28:04Oh, her husband must be a sap.

00:28:10Oh, Mindy, are you decent?

00:28:12No.

00:28:13Come in.

00:28:16Hello.

00:28:16Hi, where have you been?

00:28:18Oh, say, did you go to see Smith?

00:28:20Hmm.

00:28:20I went, I saw,

00:28:22and I made a date to meet him tonight.

00:28:24Say, that guy must be blooming

00:28:26all over the place.

00:28:27He made a date with me

00:28:28for tonight, too.

00:28:29Yeah, I know all about it.

00:28:31That's why I agreed to go.

00:28:32Oh, yeah?

00:28:33Which one of us

00:28:34were you trying to protect?

00:28:36Mindy, that was the only way

00:28:37I could get him to take my case.

00:28:38Oh, that's all right, darling.

00:28:40And I'll give you

00:28:40every break in the world.

00:28:41Oh, I know.

00:28:42Say, you better go over

00:28:43to your apartment

00:28:44and get dressed, hadn't you?

00:28:45Oh, I only hope I get there

00:28:46before Felix does.

00:28:48Oh, why worry about Zero?

00:28:50You're going to get a divorce

00:28:51from him, aren't you?

00:28:52Yeah, but I don't want him

00:28:53to divorce me.

00:28:54Oh.

00:28:55Oh, bye.

00:28:56Bye.

00:29:02Pardon me,

00:29:02have you an extra pair of glasses?

00:29:04I should have somewhere.

00:29:06No, come to think of it,

00:29:06I broke mine.

00:29:07Here, take these.

00:29:09Thanks.

00:29:15Well, how about it?

00:29:22Well, I'll...

00:29:23Why, I...

00:29:24Well, I'll be a son of a gun.

00:29:29Richard Smith?

00:29:30And Richard Smith.

00:29:32Uh-huh.

00:29:32Why, we could be

00:29:33the Smith brothers.

00:29:34Oh, boy, you could fool anybody.

00:29:36Why, of course I could.

00:29:37I bet I could fool

00:29:38your own mother.

00:29:38Yes, sir.

00:29:40Fool my mother?

00:29:42My boy, Heaven,

00:29:43has sent you to me.

00:29:44You want my permission

00:29:45to give this impersonation

00:29:46of me in public?

00:29:46That's the reason I'm here.

00:29:48Well, you stay here tonight

00:29:49in my place.

00:29:50And if you can fool

00:29:51my mother-in-law

00:29:51and the servants

00:29:52until I get back,

00:29:53I'll give you that permission.

00:29:55It's a bet.

00:29:56You're on,

00:29:56and I'm off.

00:29:59You seem to have

00:29:59a frog in your throat.

00:30:00At least a dozen of them.

00:30:02Fine.

00:30:02I could use that.

00:30:03Good.

00:30:03I'll give them to you.

00:30:07This is my room.

00:30:11And this is my wife's room.

00:30:12Your wife?

00:30:13She isn't here, is she?

00:30:14Well, do you think

00:30:15I'd go away

00:30:15and leave you here

00:30:16if she were?

00:30:18She's in the mountains.

00:30:19Now, this is a dressing room

00:30:22and bath

00:30:23connecting the two rooms.

00:30:25Oh, they connect.

00:30:27Sure.

00:30:28We speak.

00:30:30Where does mother sleep?

00:30:31Mother?

00:30:32She never sleeps.

00:30:44Now, my mother-in-law

00:30:45may say something

00:30:46about having a surprise

00:30:47for you.

00:30:48Well, that's all right.

00:30:49I'll tell you

00:30:49to wait until morning.

00:30:58Beg pardon,

00:30:59did you ring, sir?

00:31:00No.

00:31:01No, uh,

00:31:01uh, uh,

00:31:02Sonny,

00:31:03I did not.

00:31:04Then it must have been

00:31:05Mrs. Mantle.

00:31:07Has the, uh,

00:31:09gentleman gone, sir?

00:31:10Who?

00:31:11The gentleman.

00:31:12Oh, yes, yes.

00:31:14Yes, he's gone, yes.

00:31:15And, uh,

00:31:16will you bring me

00:31:17a drink, please?

00:31:18Yes, sir.

00:31:19And, uh,

00:31:20tell my mother-in-law

00:31:21that my cold

00:31:21seems to be so much worse

00:31:22that I'll probably

00:31:23be getting to bed early.

00:31:24Yes, sir.

00:31:25Yes.

00:31:38Marvelous.

00:31:39Boy, you're a wonder.

00:31:40Say, if you can fool

00:31:42my mother-in-law,

00:31:43I'll pay you $500

00:31:44and I'll make you an offer

00:31:46to retain you regularly.

00:31:47Huh?

00:31:49Oh, wait a minute.

00:31:50Wait a minute.

00:31:51I almost forgot.

00:31:52There you are.

00:31:53Every little bit helps.

00:31:55Oh, thanks.

00:31:56You don't miss a trick.

00:31:58You must have been out before.

00:31:59Now, you all set?

00:32:00Well, not quite.

00:32:01I think you'd better

00:32:02turn down some of the lights.

00:32:05I don't want to take

00:32:06any chances with mother-in-law.

00:32:09There you are.

00:32:10Now, the house is yours.

00:32:12If you want me,

00:32:12you'll find me

00:32:13at the Hotel Aster.

00:32:14Bye-bye.

00:32:14Hey, hey, wait.

00:32:16What do you call

00:32:17your mother-in-law?

00:32:18Oh, um, uh, everything.

00:32:20You'll be perfectly safe

00:32:21if you stick to mother.

00:32:22Well, I hear loose

00:32:23moments calling.

00:32:24Ta-ta.

00:32:55Richard!

00:33:09Richard!

00:33:17Oh, Richard.

00:33:19Oh, here you are.

00:33:20You know, I've got such a start.

00:33:22I thought I heard

00:33:23the front door slam.

00:33:24Yes.

00:33:25My caller just left.

00:33:27Oh.

00:33:27Well, now we can continue

00:33:29our little session.

00:33:29I'm sorry, mother-in-law.

00:33:30You'll have to excuse me.

00:33:31I'm very busy.

00:33:32Where are you going?

00:33:32Well, I'm going to bed.

00:33:34But you mustn't.

00:33:35I mustn't go to bed?

00:33:36Not before you get

00:33:37your little surprise.

00:33:38I'm sorry, mother-in-law.

00:33:38You'll have to keep it

00:33:39until the morning.

00:33:40Oh, Richard,

00:33:41you're so stupid.

00:33:42Madeline,

00:33:43your wife is home again.

00:33:45My wife?

00:33:46My wife?

00:33:50I'm sorry, mother-in-law-in-law-in-law.

00:33:55I'm sorry, mother-in-law-in-law-in-law-in-law-in-law-in-law-in-law.

00:34:00I'm sorry, mother-in-law-in-law-in-law-in-law-in-law.

00:34:06He's trying to fool you.

00:34:10Vicky, dear,

00:34:10aren't you surprised?

00:34:12Oh, I'm paralyzed.

00:34:15You can see

00:34:16how dumbfounded he is, dear,

00:34:17but he hasn't even kissed you yet.

00:34:19Yes.

00:34:19Where is that great big

00:34:20homecoming kiss

00:34:21you've been writing me to expect?

00:34:22The great big homecoming kiss?

00:34:24The one I was writing you about?

00:34:26Oh, well, I'm saving it.

00:34:28Oh, shh, you silly, impulsive goose.

00:34:31No, I mean, I'm saving it

00:34:31until we,

00:34:32until my cold gets better.

00:34:34No cold?

00:34:35Have you a cold, sweetheart?

00:34:36Oh, it's frightful.

00:34:37I wouldn't dare kiss you.

00:34:38Besides, if anyone saw us.

00:34:41Andrews,

00:34:42leave the room.

00:34:45Leave the room.

00:34:46No!

00:34:46Don't anyone dare to leave this room.

00:34:48And I wouldn't cling so closely, dear.

00:34:50Oh, dear.

00:34:50No, really, in the condition I'm in.

00:34:52Oh, it's dangerous.

00:34:53Fiddlesticks, I'm not afraid.

00:34:55Well, that's because you have no idea

00:34:56what's ahead of us.

00:34:57Ahead of us?

00:34:57Uh-huh.

00:34:58Has something gone wrong?

00:34:59Oh.

00:34:59Dickie, you're keeping something from me.

00:35:01Yes.

00:35:01Mother, turn up the lights and work.

00:35:02No, no, no.

00:35:03Don't dare to turn up those lights.

00:35:04Dickie, what is the matter?

00:35:05Well, because then you,

00:35:06I mean, I, my eyes,

00:35:08all swollen with the cold.

00:35:09Oh.

00:35:09Andrews, get me a stimulant.

00:35:12Are you in serious trouble, dear?

00:35:14Oh, it's probably fatal.

00:35:16Oh, if I'd had any idea

00:35:17that you were coming home,

00:35:18I wouldn't have been here.

00:35:19What?

00:35:19No.

00:35:20I mean, in the condition I'm in.

00:35:21Oh, Dickie.

00:35:22Well, there's just one thing to be done.

00:35:25I've got to go.

00:35:26Go.

00:35:27Go?

00:35:27Where?

00:35:28Out.

00:35:29Downtown.

00:35:30Downtown now?

00:35:31Tonight?

00:35:32Oh, I should have gone 10 minutes ago.

00:35:34Important engagement.

00:35:34The Hotel Aster.

00:35:35Well, if I know my precious husband

00:35:37the way I think I do,

00:35:38he'll telephone and cancel

00:35:39that engagement, won't you, Dickie?

00:35:40Telephone?

00:35:41Who?

00:35:42I mean, is there a telephone?

00:35:42A telephone, of course.

00:35:44Of course, you can.

00:35:44Yeah, get the Aster on the wire.

00:35:46The Hotel Aster, on the telephone.

00:35:47Yes, please.

00:35:47Wait.

00:35:48What do you mean?

00:35:48Any telephoning be done around here?

00:35:50I'll do it myself.

00:35:51Oh.

00:35:52Well, well, maybe I'll wait.

00:35:54I'll wait until you get ready to go,

00:35:55until we both get ready.

00:35:56Well, maybe before that.

00:35:57Oh, I knew you would.

00:35:59You know, I'm simply dying

00:36:00to get comfortable in my own little bed again

00:36:02and have a nice long talk with you, honey.

00:36:04Oh, there's nothing I'd like better

00:36:05than to sit on the edge of the bed

00:36:06and listen to you, but...

00:36:07Oh, how thoughtless of me.

00:36:09After your long trip, dear,

00:36:10you must be tired.

00:36:11Oh, I'm not a bit tired, really.

00:36:13Why, the two months in the mountains

00:36:14have done me a world of good.

00:36:16Do your telephoning, Richard.

00:36:19Well, Madeline gets out of your traveling clothes

00:36:20and there's something more comfortable.

00:36:21Yes, it won't take me but a moment.

00:36:23And, Dickie,

00:36:23I bought a new lace nightie yesterday

00:36:25that's positively indecent.

00:36:28Wait till you see it.

00:36:41Where are you going?

00:36:42Huh? Oh, I don't know.

00:36:43Oh, I was going down to see

00:36:44if the front door was locked.

00:36:45Now, you know Andrews always locks.

00:36:47Oh, well, I thought tonight

00:36:48you might have forgotten it.

00:36:49Richard Smith,

00:36:50after all you promised Madeline,

00:36:52are you planning to desert her?

00:36:54Desert her? Why?

00:36:55What?

00:36:57Her first evening home in two months

00:36:59and you...

00:37:01Richard,

00:37:02have you no human feelings at all?

00:37:05That's just the trouble.

00:37:07I'm too human.

00:37:07A lovely, devoted wife like Madeline.

00:37:12Surely she's entitled to some consideration.

00:37:15Well, he's a brother elk.

00:37:17What's that?

00:37:17What?

00:37:19Mother, you don't understand.

00:37:20You see, this sudden return,

00:37:21it's been an awful shock,

00:37:22an awful shock to my whole system.

00:37:23My throat, my voice.

00:37:25Her voice all gone.

00:37:26She doesn't want you to sing to her.

00:37:28But she wants more

00:37:30than anything else in the world

00:37:31is a nice, long talk with you.

00:37:34Oh, if I could depend on that.

00:37:36Now, Richard,

00:37:37don't delay your telephoning another minute.

00:37:39What telephone?

00:37:39Oh, tele...

00:37:40Yeah, is it...

00:37:40What was the number?

00:37:43Good night, Madeline, dear.

00:37:45So glad to have you home again.

00:37:47Good night, Mother.

00:37:48Pleasant dreams.

00:37:52Hello.

00:37:53Hotel Aster.

00:37:53Good night, Richard, dear.

00:38:00Huh?

00:38:00Yes.

00:38:01Good night.

00:38:06Hello.

00:38:07Hotel Aster.

00:38:08Will you get Mr. Richard Smith?

00:38:10Page, Mr. Richard Smith.

00:38:11Yes.

00:38:12Tell him to telephone his home immediately.

00:38:14Important.

00:38:15Oh, it's vital.

00:38:17Mr. Richard Smith.

00:38:23Tired, sweetheart?

00:38:35Tired?

00:38:36I never was so tired

00:38:37in all my...

00:38:44Please come out of that doorway,

00:38:45will you?

00:38:50Tell me,

00:38:51have you been a good boy

00:38:52since I've been away?

00:38:52Oh, I'm in more danger right now

00:38:55than I have been

00:38:55in the past two months.

00:38:57Please.

00:38:58Please go away

00:38:58and let me die

00:38:59or go crazy or something.

00:39:01Go away?

00:39:02Dickie, you're not well.

00:39:03Don't you suppose I know it?

00:39:04Haven't I been telling you

00:39:05that for the past half hour

00:39:06in those very words?

00:39:08That telephone didn't ring, did it?

00:39:09No, dear.

00:39:10I'm afraid you've been doing

00:39:12too much brain work.

00:39:13That's it.

00:39:13It's my brain.

00:39:14It's on fire.

00:39:15It's fever.

00:39:15I can't think.

00:39:16You can't think?

00:39:17No.

00:39:17Yes.

00:39:18The only things I can think

00:39:20of are the things

00:39:20that I shouldn't...

00:39:21That wasn't the telephone bell

00:39:24then, was it?

00:39:24Dickie, you're trembling

00:39:25all over.

00:39:26Don't you suppose I know it?

00:39:27I'm liable to go to pieces

00:39:28any moment.

00:39:30The telephone isn't

00:39:31out of order, is it?

00:39:31Oh, bother the old phone.

00:39:33Thank goodness I've arrived

00:39:34in time to prevent

00:39:34another nervous breakdown

00:39:35like you had last year.

00:39:36That's it.

00:39:37Nervous combustion.

00:39:38I've been trying

00:39:39to keep it from you.

00:39:40Send for an ambulance, quick.

00:39:42Ambulance?

00:39:42Nothing.

00:39:43I'm going to take care

00:39:43of you myself.

00:39:44Now, come on.

00:39:45Now, the first thing

00:39:46to do is to put you

00:39:47to bed.

00:39:49That is the last thing.

00:39:52Now, don't argue, dear.

00:39:54Now, I'm going to give you

00:39:55a nice old-fashioned

00:39:56alcohol rubdown.

00:39:57No, no, no, no, no.

00:39:59I couldn't stand it.

00:40:00Oh, come on.

00:40:01Now, come on.

00:40:02Now, come on.

00:40:02Now, I won't go.

00:40:02Madeline knows best.

00:40:04Now, put your head

00:40:05right down here.

00:40:06There.

00:40:06Put your little head

00:40:07right down here.

00:40:08No, no, no.

00:40:08I'm afraid.

00:40:09You're afraid?

00:40:09Yes, I'm afraid.

00:40:10You might catch my cold.

00:40:11Oh, bother your old cold.

00:40:13Now, Madeline knows

00:40:14how to take care

00:40:14of her dicky bird.

00:40:15Come on.

00:40:16Put your little head

00:40:17right down there.

00:40:17Come on.

00:40:18My poor, nervous dicky boy.

00:40:22Now, before anything else,

00:40:24sweetheart,

00:40:24that great big

00:40:25homecoming kiss.

00:40:27Never.

00:40:28Oh, yes, I did.

00:40:29Oh, now, come on.

00:40:30Now, come on.

00:40:32Now, come on.

00:40:41Too late.

00:40:52Too late.

00:40:54Too late.

00:40:56Too late.

00:41:10Too late.

00:41:10Did you get your call?

00:41:29No, I guess my mother-in-law must have gone to bed

00:41:31Oh, you're married too

00:41:33Very happily

00:41:34That's the reason I so thoroughly disapprove of divorce

00:41:37Especially in this state

00:41:38What do you mean?

00:41:40Well, you see, in order to procure a divorce in this state

00:41:42You must have evidence

00:41:43What kind of evidence?

00:41:45Well, evidence of a very serious nature

00:41:48How serious?

00:41:51Well, you see

00:41:51You must produce evidence that your husband has been

00:41:55Has been

00:41:57That is to say

00:41:59You must explain that you have discovered him

00:42:01And not only him, but

00:42:03I don't know what you mean, Mr. Steele

00:42:09You have to get the goods on him

00:42:12In other words, you have to prove that he has

00:42:14Where do you come from, Ms. O'Dare?

00:42:20I came from South Dakota

00:42:21Oh, I don't blame you

00:42:24Well, out in South Dakota

00:42:29Don't they ever, ever

00:42:30Ever what, Mr. Smith?

00:42:34No, there's no use of us going to South Dakota

00:42:36May just as well stay here

00:42:38Did you ever see a bedroom farce?

00:42:43Oh, you mean the kind where the wrong man hides under the bed?

00:42:46Atta girlie, now we're getting wrong

00:42:48Only in this case, you see

00:42:50The wrong man must not only be

00:42:51But

00:42:53But what, Mr. Smith?

00:42:58Oh, really, really

00:42:58There's no use of our talking

00:43:00Until we can find an interpreter

00:43:01Or until we get to know each other better

00:43:03Oh, here's your friend

00:43:05Well, well, here you are

00:43:08I've been looking everywhere for you

00:43:09Just in time

00:43:10Won't you sit down?

00:43:11Oh, not in this morgue

00:43:13Didn't you say something about the whoopee club?

00:43:16Diane's never been up on the roof there

00:43:18Have you, darling?

00:43:20Oh, my husband never takes me anyplace

00:43:22Oh, you poor girl

00:43:24Well, Mr. Smith is going to fix all that, aren't you?

00:43:28Fix the roof?

00:43:29Oh, oh, what a man

00:43:31Well, we'll start on the roof

00:43:34And finish in the gutter

00:43:35Oh, Mr. Smith

00:43:37Andrews

00:43:50May pardon, ma'am

00:43:51You're paralyzed

00:43:52Not paralyzed, can't you see me moving?

00:43:55Where are you going?

00:43:56Give this to the tailor, he's waiting

00:43:58Ah

00:44:07Good morning, dear

00:44:14I hope I'm not disturbing you

00:44:16Not at all, mother

00:44:17Oh, I'm just dying to have a little talk with you

00:44:19How did Dickie like his little surprise?

00:44:22Oh, mother

00:44:23If you only knew

00:44:25Oh, then you really have something to tell me

00:44:29I'll tell the world I have

00:44:30Oh, never mind the world

00:44:31Tell me

00:44:32It was Dickie glad to have you home again

00:44:35Glad?

00:44:36He was beside himself

00:44:37Oh, mother

00:44:39This is going to be the turning point in Dickie's married life

00:44:41Oh, lovely

00:44:42Wait till I tell you everything

00:44:44Oh, I'm so happy

00:44:46I'm just going to congratulate Dickie

00:44:48No, I wouldn't do that

00:44:49Don't disturb him

00:44:50He's napping

00:44:52Shall I have your breakfast here in the room?

00:44:54No

00:44:54I'm going for a walk before breakfast this morning

00:44:58I feel as if the world is mine

00:45:00At last I have what I've been hoping for

00:45:04You have?

00:45:05What is it?

00:45:05A hold on my husband that he'll never be able to break

00:45:08Oh, you darling

00:45:10änder

00:45:29Very idea at this time of the morning dumb

00:45:32When mr. Smith wiggins, he'll attend to you my man my man indeed

00:45:37Indeed, in my man, I'm nobody's man but my own.

00:45:46Good morning, Mr. Smith.

00:45:47What's good about it?

00:45:50Didn't you sleep well, sir?

00:45:51I?

00:45:52I didn't sleep one wink the whole night long.

00:45:54Who the devil locked my door?

00:45:56It wasn't the devil, sir.

00:45:57It was Mrs. Mantle.

00:45:58Oh.

00:45:59What time is it?

00:46:00Nine o'clock.

00:46:02Oh, I've got to get out of here.

00:46:04Where's my coat?

00:46:05Why, I just gave it to the tailor, sir.

00:46:07He brought back your other dressing gown.

00:46:09A dressing gown won't help me.

00:46:10I want my coat.

00:46:12You don't seem to be yourself this morning, sir.

00:46:14I'm not.

00:46:15Perhaps you need something to eat.

00:46:17Won't you have your breakfast now, sir?

00:46:19Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes.

00:46:21Anything to keep you quiet.

00:46:23Where's the dining room?

00:46:26What, sir?

00:46:27I said, where is it?

00:46:29In the dining room?

00:46:30Yes, sir.

00:46:32Breakfast in the dining room.

00:46:33It's not being served in a cold cellar.

00:46:35Well, I don't want to go in the dining room.

00:46:37I want you to get me a cup of coffee and some cracked ice and some white rock.

00:46:41And don't stand there gaping at me like that.

00:46:43Put that thing down.

00:46:43Hurry.

00:46:44Yes.

00:46:45Yes.

00:46:46Yes.

00:46:47Yes.

00:46:47Wait.

00:46:49Yes, sir.

00:46:50Don't rush out on me like that before I finish talking to you.

00:46:53Where is Mrs. Smith and Mrs.

00:46:55The other one.

00:46:57My mother-in-law.

00:46:58You mean Mrs. Mantle?

00:47:00Yes.

00:47:00She's going upstairs.

00:47:02Oh.

00:47:03And if you please, sir.

00:47:04No, I don't please.

00:47:05You get my coffee and my coat.

00:47:08Yes.

00:47:09Wait.

00:47:10Yes.

00:47:11Where can I find a comb and brush?

00:47:15Have you looked where you always keep them, sir?

00:47:18Have I looked where I always keep them?

00:47:20Where do I always keep them?

00:47:22I'll see if you have intelligence enough to answer me that.

00:47:25Why, sir.

00:47:25In the cabinet, in the dressing room, of course.

00:47:29Of course.

00:47:30Why didn't you say so in the first place?

00:47:31Yes.

00:47:37He must have had a terrible night.

00:47:40Terrible.

00:47:41I do.

00:47:42Well, no, no.

00:47:43No.

00:47:43Do you see how that was?

00:47:44I know that.

00:47:45I enjoy.

00:47:46Nothing to be.

00:47:48I know, I know.

00:47:49Go inside.

00:47:50er, I know.

00:47:50Oh.

00:47:51But when I know spirit, I to think that some of you are not there.

00:47:53I know that you are not every part where I promise you to be câhte up is my mind.

00:47:58or you are not a Simpson, all that my children are met.

00:48:00In theأ 50% of you are not largereads.

00:48:01Whether you are usually a single step or choice, whether I become a victim or actor,

00:48:02I can say seven hearts.

00:48:03You are not there no matter where I am so far,

00:48:05but I'm a single step over here makes up a little bit,

00:48:06but when I look here and want to rest a little bit,

00:48:37It's safe in my home port, the safest port of all.

00:49:02Hey, lady, will you pick out some place and land?

00:49:07Will you please make up your mind?

00:49:13Oh, that's all right, that's all right.

00:49:15Just keep driving around.

00:49:19Where are we?

00:49:20Hey, that ain't the question.

00:49:22Nine hours I've been driving you around.

00:49:24Say, what's the matter? Ain't you got no home?

00:49:26Oh, I can't go home.

00:49:30My husband will know I've been out all night.

00:49:35Hey, look, maybe I'd better drive you to the police station.

00:49:38No.

00:49:39I don't know anybody there.

00:49:44Let's see.

00:49:45Take me to Mr. Smith's.

00:49:48Oh.

00:49:49Mr. Smith, huh?

00:49:51Uh-huh.

00:49:51Yeah.

00:49:53Any particular one?

00:49:55Mr. Richard Smith, my lawyer.

00:50:00And where does he live?

00:50:021405 Park Avenue.

00:50:051405 Park.

00:50:07Yeah, 14, no.

00:50:1014, 1540.

00:50:15105, 4.

00:50:19Either that or 4501.

00:50:21Hey, lady, will you make up your mind?

00:50:24Will you please make up your mind, please?

00:50:26Please?

00:50:27Why, Andrews.

00:50:43That's the nicest thing you've ever done for me.

00:50:45You've guessed exactly what I needed.

00:50:47Yes.

00:50:48I didn't guess it, sir.

00:50:50You told me to bring it in a most impatient tone.

00:50:54In a what?

00:50:55In a most impatient tone.

00:50:58Well, then it must have been mental telepathy.

00:51:00You know, the effect of mind over matter.

00:51:02Or else, you've been dreaming.

00:51:04Yes, sir.

00:51:04I'm beginning to think so, sir.

00:51:08Did, uh, didn't you find your Coleman brush?

00:51:12What Coleman brush?

00:51:14Why?

00:51:15The one you were looking for.

00:51:16Why, don't you suppose I know where to find my own Coleman brush?

00:51:20Andrews?

00:51:21You're drunk.

00:51:22Yes, sir.

00:51:23A little drunker than I thought, sir.

00:51:26And you dare to admit it.

00:51:28You dare to stand there staggering at me at nine o'clock in the morning.

00:51:32Well, sir, you see, I've been having a little trouble.

00:51:36You've been having a little liquid lightning.

00:51:38Only one flash.

00:51:40I mean nip, sir.

00:51:41Well, quit nipping.

00:51:42Do you think you're strong enough to get me some more of this white box?

00:51:44Yes, sir.

00:51:47Though I wish you'd have your breakfast, sir.

00:51:49I don't see why you don't want to go in the dining room.

00:51:55Such a nice dining room.

00:51:57Who said I didn't want to go into the dining room?

00:51:59Of course it's a nice dining room.

00:52:00It's my dining room.

00:52:01I'd like to see anybody try to keep me out of it.

00:52:03I'm glad to hear you say that, sir.

00:52:09You do know where it is, don't you?

00:52:11Why, certainly.

00:52:12If nobody's moved it.

00:52:17See who that is.

00:52:18Yes, sir.

00:52:19Yes, sir.

00:52:23He must have had a worse night than I expected.

00:52:27Much worse.

00:52:28Excuse me, sir, but it's...

00:52:45I don't care who it is.

00:52:46Who the devil drank my coffee?

00:52:51Why, you did, sir.

00:52:53Before you went in the dining room.

00:52:55I wanted to comb my hair.

00:52:57But you didn't comb your hair.

00:52:58I didn't, didn't I?

00:53:00Are you losing your mind?

00:53:03Yes, sir.

00:53:05I'm beginning to think so, sir.

00:53:06Will you snap out of it and get me some more coffee?

00:53:09Yes, sir.

00:53:10I was just going to, sir.

00:53:12When you told me to answer the front doorbell.

00:53:15I told you to answer the...

00:53:17Well, you're hearing things as well as seeing them.

00:53:19Well, I did hear the front doorbell, sir.

00:53:23Because there's proof of that.

00:53:24I opened it for two young ladies who wanted to see you.

00:53:28Two young ladies?

00:53:29Yes, sir.

00:53:31They're dressed just alike.

00:53:32They must be twins.

00:53:34Well, I haven't any twins.

00:53:36You tell them to come back late this afternoon.

00:53:38He ought to be here by then.

00:53:39He?

00:53:40He?

00:53:41He?

00:53:42Who?

00:53:43Oh, he.

00:53:44Well, whenever I say he, I always mean I.

00:53:46Haven't you noticed that?

00:53:49Not yet, sir.

00:53:50Well, you keep it in mind and bring that coffee to my room.

00:53:52And some white rock.

00:53:54Yes, sir.

00:53:56Nobody knows what a night he must have had.

00:54:00Nobody.

00:54:06Andrews, don't move so fast.

00:54:08You know, you break the speed limit.

00:54:09Oh, sir.

00:54:11You.

00:54:12You've come back.

00:54:15You do want me to go to the front door before I bring your white rock and coffee, don't you?

00:54:21I don't want any more coffee, stupid.

00:54:24I told you to answer that front door five minutes ago.

00:54:27What have you been doing?

00:54:27Walking backwards?

00:54:30Yes, sir.

00:54:31Perhaps I have without knowing you.

00:54:33You know, you've got to cut out this early morning drinking.

00:54:37Yes, I will, sir.

00:54:39Indeed, I will.

00:54:40You'd better.

00:54:41I'll try and pull myself together, sir.

00:54:45And I'll tell the young ladies to call back later.

00:54:48What young ladies?

00:54:50The twins, sir.

00:54:52You said you couldn't see them.

00:54:55Andrews, this is getting serious.

00:54:57You never said one word to me about twins.

00:55:03Didn't I?

00:55:05You certainly did not.

00:55:07Where are these ladies?

00:55:12In the reception room, sir.

00:55:19The twins, sir.

00:55:22Oh, hello, Dickey Bird.

00:55:25Oh, oh, I'm so glad I found you.

00:55:31You are?

00:55:31Well, I'm glad somebody's glad.

00:55:33Where's the rest of you?

00:55:34Andrews said you were twins.

00:55:35There were two of us, sir.

00:55:37I swear there were two of us.

00:55:39Oh, that's nothing.

00:55:41I've been seeing four.

00:55:43Four taxi cabs, four front doors,

00:55:47four funny old butlers,

00:55:48and four cute little Dickey Bird.

00:55:51Here, here, please, please, please, please.

00:55:54Don't go, Andrews.

00:55:55Wait.

00:55:57What do you mean by coming here, Miss O'Dea?

00:55:59Well, you told me last night that you have to go home alone.

00:56:01Didn't I put you in a taxi cab?

00:56:02Didn't I give the taxi cab driver your vest?

00:56:04Didn't I?

00:56:05Well, yes, but the nasty old taxi cab fell apart.

00:56:10And it took them ages and ages to get together again.

00:56:14And anyway, I have no money.

00:56:17So I made him bring me here.

00:56:19He's waiting outside.

00:56:20Oh, money.

00:56:22Oh, that's all you...

00:56:23Oh, well, that's simple.

00:56:25Oh, by Jove, I haven't a cent left myself.

00:56:28Andrews, I haven't a cent.

00:56:30That's one thing I'm sure of.

00:56:31Well, you go out in the kitchen and borrow some from the cook.

00:56:33She ought to have some.

00:56:34She was paid yesterday.

00:56:35Yes.

00:56:36I hope you know where that kitchen is.

00:56:37Yes, sir.

00:56:38Well, hurry.

00:56:40Yes, sir.

00:56:41Oh, Dickey, I'm so relieved.

00:56:44Whee!

00:56:44Diana, please.

00:56:46Oh, I want to play.

00:56:47Now, you chase me.

00:56:48Please, be quiet.

00:56:49Oh, I'm too happy to be quiet.

00:56:51You come down here.

00:56:51No, I don't want to.

00:56:52Come down here.

00:56:53You come right down here.

00:56:55I want to.

00:56:56Come down this minute.

00:56:58No.

00:56:58Come.

00:56:59All right.

00:57:01Whee!

00:57:03Whoopee!

00:57:05What is this, please?

00:57:06A hangover or a fresh start?

00:57:08Oh, Dickey Bird, don't be harsh with me.

00:57:11Anybody think you're my husband?

00:57:13I am always harsh in the morning.

00:57:15My loose moments end with breakfast.

00:57:17Anything that you have to say to me today will come under the head of new business.

00:57:20Well, I don't want any new business.

00:57:22Oh, it was good enough for me.

00:57:26If you please, sir, the cook had no nickel.

00:57:29Nobody had no nickel.

00:57:31I don't want a nickel.

00:57:32What good is a nickel?

00:57:33Here, you go outside.

00:57:35Go outside and find out exactly how much the taxi cab bill is.

00:57:38Hurry.

00:57:39Hurry.

00:57:39Oh, what am I going to do?

00:57:44Who's that?

00:57:44Oui, monsieur.

00:57:45Yes.

00:57:46Would you like to earn $20?

00:57:47Oui, monsieur.

00:57:47Will you get this young lady out of the guest room quickly?

00:57:49Oui, monsieur.

00:57:50Don't let anybody see her.

00:57:51No, monsieur.

00:57:51She came to see me.

00:57:52Ah, business.

00:57:53But Mrs. Mantell might not understand.

00:57:55No, monsieur, but I understand.

00:57:56Yes.

00:57:57Come, madame.

00:57:57We go upstairs.

00:57:58No, no, I don't want to go upstairs.

00:57:59I don't want to go upstairs.

00:58:02Upstairs or I spank.

00:58:03There you go, remind me of my husband again.

00:58:08Oh, poor Felix.

00:58:09What would he think if he could see me now?

00:58:12Oh, madame.

00:58:13We go.

00:58:14Come on.

00:58:14I want to go upstairs.

00:58:17That's all right.

00:58:18That's all right.

00:58:19Listen.

00:58:20The bill is $50 and I'm going to get it or I'm going to take it out of somebody's hide.

00:58:24Understand?

00:58:24Yeah.

00:58:25Yeah.

00:58:25You'll get your hide.

00:58:28I mean your money.

00:58:31Here, madame.

00:58:32You will be safe here.

00:58:36Oh, no, madame.

00:58:38Madame, come here.

00:58:40I will get you a negligee, huh?

00:58:42The bill is $50, sir.

00:58:45I mean dollars.

00:58:46Well, see if you can pry it out of Mrs. Mantell, will you?

00:58:50Wouldn't it be better if I went to the bank, sir?

00:58:52That's a good idea.

00:58:54Go ahead.

00:58:54Yeah.

00:58:54You go to the bank.

00:58:55Yes, sir.

00:58:56And on your way to the bank, something got spilled on my coat last night.

00:59:00Drop in and leave it at the tailor's for me, will you?

00:59:04Your coat?

00:59:07Yes, my coat.

00:59:09What's the matter with it?

00:59:09It won't bite too.

00:59:12But I...

00:59:13I gave it to the tailor about half hour ago, sir.

00:59:18You gave him my coat?

00:59:21Yes, sir.

00:59:22I gave you your coat.

00:59:24I'm afraid I'm going mad.

00:59:29Come, come, come.

00:59:30Pull yourself together, old man.

00:59:32I can't, sir.

00:59:33I...

00:59:34I seem to have lost all control.

00:59:37I'm beginning to see them.

00:59:39There.

00:59:40There.

00:59:42I'm afraid they'll get me.

00:59:44I got to go somewhere.

00:59:45I...

00:59:46I've got to do something.

00:59:48I...

00:59:48I can't stand it.

00:59:50I can't stand it.

00:59:51I can't stand it.

00:59:54I can't stand it.

00:59:55Let me out.

00:59:56Let me out.

00:59:58Let me out.

01:00:07Kitty Miller!

01:00:07Diane!

01:00:08I can't stand it.

01:00:09Well, I can't go home with Felix in a dress like this, this hour of the morning, can I?

01:00:20No.

01:00:21Say, you go home and get me a dress.

01:00:25All right, all right. I'll be back in a jiffy.

01:00:27Fine.

01:00:31Richard.

01:00:32Oh, hello, Mother. How are you?

01:00:34I'm perfectly well.

01:00:36Well, that's swell.

01:00:37Well, you see?

01:00:40Just getting ready to go to work.

01:00:41Work?

01:00:42Oh, I never dreamed you wanted to go to work this morning after what happened last night.

01:00:47Why, what do you know about last night?

01:00:49Oh, not very much, but I can guess, can't I?

01:00:51Oh, yes, yes, you can guess.

01:00:53You're some little guesser.

01:00:54Richard, I'm afraid you're going to be angry with me.

01:00:58But I meant it all for the best.

01:01:00You meant what for the best?

01:01:01When I locked you in last night.

01:01:03You locked me in?

01:01:04Well, you were acting a bit strangely.

01:01:07You seemed nervous and excited.

01:01:09So I decided to give you a dose of prevention.

01:01:12So after you went to bed, I locked all the doors and took the keys upstairs with me.

01:01:18You locked all the doors after I went to bed?

01:01:21Yes.

01:01:21Oh, well, then I couldn't have gotten out.

01:01:23I couldn't have gotten out even if I'd wanted to.

01:01:25Of course you couldn't, Richard.

01:01:26And I was in there all night.

01:01:32Are you ill again?

01:01:33No, Mother.

01:01:33No, I'm better.

01:01:34Oh, I'm much better.

01:01:36Oh, what a joke.

01:01:38Locked in cold storage all night, Mother.

01:01:41You are simply priceless.

01:01:43Who are you waiting at?

01:01:44Nothing, Mother.

01:01:45Nothing.

01:01:46In fact, less than nothing.

01:01:47I was simply waiting at myself.

01:01:49Oh, you're absurd, Richard.

01:01:51I am, Mother.

01:01:52I'm more than absurd.

01:01:53I'm positively hilarious.

01:01:56Oh, now.

01:01:57Now I understand what was the matter with poor old Andrews.

01:02:00Oh, he must have been seeing things with a vengeance.

01:02:03Well, Andrews' condition is no laughing.

01:02:05I can't help it, Mother.

01:02:07I can't help it.

01:02:08You'd laugh, too, if you knew what I knew.

01:02:10No.

01:02:10No, no.

01:02:11No, you wouldn't.

01:02:12Why not?

01:02:13Don't you think I can appreciate a joke?

01:02:15Go on.

01:02:16Tell me.

01:02:16No, it's a secret.

01:02:18And if I told you, it'd be no joke.

01:02:19Oh, now, don't tantalize me, Richard.

01:02:23Is it about you?

01:02:24Uh, rather.

01:02:26And is there a someone else?

01:02:29Oh, decidedly someone else.

01:02:32And then, is there another someone mixed up in it, too?

01:02:35No, no, not exactly.

01:02:37Well, well, not yet, anyway.

01:02:39Not yet?

01:02:39Oh, Richard, I knew it.

01:02:43The secret is about you.

01:02:45Yeah.

01:02:45And someone else.

01:02:46Uh-huh.

01:02:46And then another someone mixed up in it a little later.

01:02:49Oh, you dear boy, it's the secret that Madeleine mentioned.

01:02:58Oh, you've had a letter from Madeleine.

01:03:00Oh, I had a letter.

01:03:02Oh, you dear ridiculous fellow.

01:03:05I don't blame you for being hilarious.

01:03:08I'm a bit hilarious myself.

01:03:10Mother, what is it you think you know?

01:03:23I don't think any longer, I'm sure.

01:03:27If you're doing that for me, you can stop.

01:03:46I want my coat.

01:03:50Oh, Richard.

01:03:54Oh, how can you think of coats at a time like this?

01:03:59Baby cooties, perhaps.

01:04:01And little booties.

01:04:03Peter, peter, peter, peter, peter, peter, peter.

01:04:08Is she going crazy, too?

01:04:16There's something the matter with her.

01:04:17Give her some air.

01:04:18Give her some air.

01:04:20Will I take her out to it or bring it in to her?

01:04:25Don't talk like a fool.

01:04:26Get her something to bring her back to herself.

01:04:29Yes, sir.

01:04:30And now you're talking, sir.

01:04:32Oh, you must have a good rest last night?

01:04:37Rest?

01:04:38Say, I'll never rest again until I get even with that, that...

01:04:51Say, how would you like to pick up $50?

01:04:55Oh, monsieur.

01:04:56All I want you to do is to kiss me.

01:04:58The next time you see me and Mrs. Mantle alone together.

01:05:03And for what kiss you when Madame Mantle see?

01:05:06Well, it's a practical joke, you see,

01:05:08to get even with somebody for laughing at me.

01:05:11Oh.

01:05:12And will Madame Mantle laugh?

01:05:14Will she laugh?

01:05:15Say, I'll laugh myself.

01:05:17Oh, well.

01:05:19For $50?

01:05:21Uh-huh.

01:05:22But suppose I lose my position?

01:05:24Oh, don't worry.

01:05:25You lose this one.

01:05:26I'll get you a better one.

01:05:27Now, is it a go?

01:05:28Oh, no, monsieur.

01:05:30It is a kiss.

01:05:31The next time I see you with Madame Mantle.

01:05:34Uh-huh.

01:05:34You won't forget.

01:05:35Oh, how could I?

01:05:37Uh-huh.

01:05:48Oh, excuse me, sir.

01:05:50But I forgot to give you the money.

01:05:52Money?

01:05:53What money?

01:05:55Why?

01:05:56The money you told me to get for the young lady upstairs.

01:06:00Don't you remember, sir?

01:06:02Oh, take it.

01:06:03Take it.

01:06:04Don't say that I haven't been to the bank, sir.

01:06:07Don't tell me it isn't real money.

01:06:08I can't stand any more of it.

01:06:10All right, all right, all right.

01:06:12It'll relieve your mind.

01:06:13I'll take it.

01:06:14I've earned it.

01:06:15What'll I do with this, sir?

01:06:17Drink it yourself.

01:06:18Give me that money.

01:06:40Not on your life.

01:06:41What do you mean by staying out all night?

01:06:42Shut up.

01:06:43You talk like a mother-in-law.

01:06:44You realize that I was locked up in that room all night long?

01:06:46Well, I'm sorry.

01:06:47Mrs. Mantle locked you up, but...

01:06:49Well, what's so funny about that?

01:06:51Why, don't you think it's funny?

01:06:52Funny?

01:06:53Say, what kind of a man are you?

01:06:54Locked up, all alone?

01:06:56You don't know.

01:06:57You don't know.

01:06:58Oh, I know you've given me a marvelous joke on my mother-in-law.

01:07:01I can't tell her about it,

01:07:02but I'll laugh every time I think of it.

01:07:05Thanks again.

01:07:06You can go now.

01:07:07Not yet.

01:07:08Huh?

01:07:09What's that?

01:07:11I'm not going to leave this house until I get my big laugh.

01:07:14It'll cost me $50,

01:07:15and I want to be here to enjoy it.

01:07:17Ha, ha, ha, ha.

01:07:19Hey, wait a minute.

01:07:19Wait a minute.

01:07:20What are you talking about?

01:07:21Hoo-hoo.

01:07:22Hoo-hoo.

01:07:25Richard.

01:07:27Mother, why don't you go upstairs and take a nap?

01:07:30A good, long nap.

01:07:31You ought to be laid out somewhere.

01:07:33Laid out?

01:07:34Oh, monsieur.

01:07:36The time must come, non?

01:07:38Oh, my word.

01:07:40Stop this.

01:07:40Stop it.

01:07:41Stop it.

01:07:43What do you think I am?

01:07:45A lollipop?

01:07:46Shameless creature.

01:07:48Who ordered this?

01:07:49What's the matter?

01:07:50What is the joke?

01:07:51Why she do not laugh?

01:07:52Why she do not laugh?

01:07:54You can figure that out while you're packing your trunk.

01:07:56Oh, I knew she was French,

01:07:58but I made allowances for that.

01:07:59Why kiss Mr. Smith under my very nose?

01:08:02Pardon me, mother.

01:08:03Under my very nose.

01:08:03You told me to.

01:08:04I, I never did.

01:08:06Yes, you lie.

01:08:07You promised me $50.

01:08:09$50?

01:08:10What are you talking about?

01:08:11$50 is too much for any woman.

01:08:12What is this, a badger game?

01:08:13You don't stay in this house another minute.

01:08:16No?

01:08:16Then he has to give me another job.

01:08:18You promise?

01:08:19I promise?

01:08:20I never promised.

01:08:21I...

01:08:21Oh, I have a very good idea who did.

01:08:26You go on.

01:08:27You get out of here.

01:08:27Get out.

01:08:35I resent that.

01:08:37Richard.

01:08:38What did she say then?

01:08:39Oh, she sent you her best regards.

01:08:42Richard Smith?

01:08:43Yes?

01:08:43Are you quite sure you didn't ask her to kiss you?

01:08:46Oh, mother, I don't have to ask to be kissed.

01:08:48What?

01:08:49But I have my own, my own dear, sweet little wife.

01:08:52Yes.

01:08:53Oh, and she'd understand if she were home.

01:08:55Well, you can tell her when she comes in.

01:08:57What?

01:08:58She'll be home in a minute.

01:08:59Home?

01:08:59I don't believe it.

01:09:00Well, you just wait here and see.

01:09:08Come on, you've got to get out.

01:09:09My wife is coming.

01:09:10Wait a minute.

01:09:10In a minute.

01:09:11A minute will be too late.

01:09:12Now, don't get excited, mother.

01:09:13Just leave everything to me.

01:09:16Wait, wait, wait.

01:09:17I can't go out in the street with this.

01:09:18Well, I go out with mine every day.

01:09:20But if you're so fussy, there, outside.

01:09:26Dickie.

01:09:26Huh?

01:09:27Oh, darling.

01:09:29You have come home.

01:09:32Well, well, well.

01:09:34Dickie boy.

01:09:35Didn't you expect me?

01:09:37No.

01:09:37Yes, of course, of course.

01:09:38But not so soon.

01:09:40Oh, if you only had any idea of how lonely I've been.

01:09:43Oh, Dickie.

01:09:45Oh, Dickie.

01:09:46What?

01:09:46Is this gentleman a friend of yours?

01:09:48Why, no, he's no gentleman.

01:09:51He's no friend.

01:09:52It's Mr. Zero.

01:09:53Mr. Zero, yes.

01:09:53My wife, Mrs. Smith.

01:09:55And Mrs. Mantle, my wife's mother.

01:09:58I'm delighted.

01:09:59Mr. Zero is the famous Vaughan artist.

01:10:02Oh, I've heard of you.

01:10:04Oh, thank you.

01:10:05He has done me the honor to want to add me to his list of impersonations.

01:10:09Oh, no doubt he does it to perfection.

01:10:10Oh, how wonderful.

01:10:13Breakfast is ready.

01:10:14If you want it, come and get it.

01:10:16Oh, won't you have breakfast with us?

01:10:19Why, delighted if I'm not intruding.

01:10:21Oh, no.

01:10:22My husband's friends are my friends.

01:10:24Oh, yes, indeed.

01:10:26But at a time like this, I understand you've just returned home from a vacation.

01:10:30Oh, that's perfectly all right.

01:10:31You've no idea, dear, how glad I am to see you.

01:10:38Why didn't you let me know you were coming?

01:10:39I wanted to surprise you.

01:10:40You did.

01:10:41Oh, I shall never forget the look on your face when I walked in last night.

01:10:51Last night?

01:10:54Come, Mr. Zero.

01:10:55Coming, darling?

01:11:03Last night?

01:11:08Dickie, darling.

01:11:09Dickie, what's wrong?

01:11:10Why, what's happened?

01:11:12Dickie.

01:11:13Come on, dear.

01:11:15What is it?

01:11:15Oh, my poor darling, you're ruined.

01:11:17I mean, I'm ruined.

01:11:18I mean, our home is ruined.

01:11:19Why, my poor Richard.

01:11:21And you seemed so well this morning when you first woke up.

01:11:25Oh, hold me.

01:11:26I'm going to faint again.

01:11:27I know I'm going to faint.

01:11:28Oh, now, sweetheart.

01:11:28Now, oh, what you needs another old-fashioned rubdown like I gave you last night.

01:11:34Oh, I want to die.

01:11:35I want to die.

01:11:36No, Dickie.

01:11:37Dickie, control yourself.

01:11:38Let me help you to the couch.

01:11:39No, no.

01:11:40I'm right here.

01:11:41Now, come on, dear.

01:11:42Come on.

01:11:42Oh, Missy, you're a darling.

01:11:44Now, you hurry and get into this and let's get out of here.

01:11:47Oh, here.

01:11:48You can have this, sweetheart.

01:11:49I never want to see it again.

01:11:51Oh, merci beaucoup, madame.

01:11:53No.

01:11:53Now, come on.

01:11:53No.

01:11:54Come on.

01:11:54Come on, like a good boy.

01:11:56There.

01:11:56Now, everything's all right.

01:11:58All right?

01:12:00Oh, my poor Madeline.

01:12:02No, you're happy, Madeline, dear.

01:12:04Now, tell me just what's troubling you, darling.

01:12:07Oh, you don't know what you're asking.

01:12:09Is it so serious?

01:12:11You know, I could see last night, the moment I saw you, that you weren't yourself.

01:12:16You, you, you could see that?

01:12:18Yes, you were different.

01:12:19Oh, awfully nice, darling.

01:12:20Oh, awfully, awfully nice.

01:12:22But different.

01:12:23Well, uh, how, how different?

01:12:26Well, I've always known you were impulsive.

01:12:28But last night, oh, and in spite of your cold, the way you kissed me.

01:12:34Oh.

01:12:35Oh, you feel so badly, sweetheart?

01:12:37Oh, just dying, that's all.

01:12:38Just dying.

01:12:39Oh, my poor, nervous, dicky boy.

01:12:42Perhaps I kept you awake too late.

01:12:44Oh.

01:12:46But then I had so much to tell you.

01:12:47Yes, yes, I suppose you did.

01:12:49You suppose?

01:12:50Don't you remember?

01:12:51No.

01:12:52Oh, the joy of having you back, dear.

01:12:55Just a little bit hazy, that's all.

01:12:57Oh, maybe I put too much whiskey in your hot drink.

01:12:59Did you give me a hot drink last night?

01:13:02Of course, darling.

01:13:03After I had you all comfortable and safely covered up.

01:13:06Covered up?

01:13:07Oh, I'm just losing my mind, that's all.

01:13:10Madeline, go ahead.

01:13:12Tell me, tell me what happened.

01:13:15What, what, what did I do?

01:13:16Oh, dicky, what didn't you do?

01:13:19Oh.

01:13:19You know, I never realized before that you were so versatile.

01:13:24Versatile?

01:13:25Yes, those imitations you gave.

01:13:27Imitations of what?

01:13:28Of all sorts of things.

01:13:30And the jokes you played.

01:13:32Why, dicky, you are positively skittish.

01:13:34Skittish?

01:13:36Oh, my.

01:13:38Go on, Madeline.

01:13:39Tell me everything.

01:13:40Why, dicky, you must know as well as I do.

01:13:44What was that lovely little Swiss lullaby you sang?

01:13:49Swiss lullaby.

01:13:51Yes, the one you yodeled to me.

01:13:53Yodeled?

01:13:56Oh, my word, I yodeled.

01:13:58Oh, you must yodel again for me, often.

01:14:00Now that I know you do it so well.

01:14:04This is the end.

01:14:05What nonsense, darling.

01:14:07Why, I fixed you up last night, and I'll do it again.

01:14:09I'll mix you with bracers, only your Madeline knows how,

01:14:11and then we'll go for a nice, long drive in the country.

01:14:14You won't try to work today, will you?

01:14:17Work?

01:14:18After the vaudeville show I gave last night?

01:14:21Oh, no.

01:14:22Now you must rest.

01:14:23And then, well, don't forget

01:14:24all the lovely things we plan to do today.

01:14:31Oh, dear, dear, dear.

01:14:36Last night, last night, last night.

01:14:39Tom, you yodeled to her, did you?

01:14:49Well, she liked it, didn't she?

01:14:51I'll say she did.

01:14:52She wants me to yodel again and often, and I can't.

01:14:54Oh, you fiend.

01:14:56You, you, you, you hound.

01:14:57Well, I like that.

01:14:59After all the trouble I took not to give you away.

01:15:01Why, she never for a moment suspected the difference.

01:15:04What?

01:15:05You didn't tell her you weren't home last night.

01:15:07That's a fine question.

01:15:08Well, then everything is all right.

01:15:09All right.

01:15:10I knew just how to handle the situation.

01:15:12I behaved exactly as you would have.

01:15:14You knew how to handle the situation.

01:15:16You knew how to handle the situation by being skittish,

01:15:19by telling her stories at midnight, just for a start.

01:15:23Well, I have to do something to pass the time.

01:15:25You asked me to impersonate you.

01:15:26No excuse for you kissing her, Zero.

01:15:28But I was you.

01:15:30But I'm her husband.

01:15:31Well, so was I.

01:15:33Oh.

01:15:35Put something into my hand.

01:15:39I want to know exactly what happened last night.

01:15:43Well, what do you think?

01:15:45I can't think.

01:15:46I'm going mad.

01:15:47Ha, ha, ha.

01:15:49What's arguing about out there?

01:15:51Vicky?

01:15:52Yes, dear?

01:15:54Shut up.

01:15:54She means me.

01:15:55How do you know?

01:15:56For that, I murder you.

01:15:58Yeah, honey, drink this.

01:15:59It's what made you feel so good last night.

01:16:01Oh.

01:16:03I'm going mad.

01:16:05Why?

01:16:06What's happened?

01:16:08Don't you go away from here.

01:16:12Perhaps I'd better.

01:16:13I think so.

01:16:14You'll excuse me?

01:16:14Oh, yes.

01:16:24Diane!

01:16:25What have you done to her?

01:16:28She's faded.

01:16:29Fated?

01:16:34Why, what's happened?

01:16:35Who is this?

01:16:36That's Vicky's new secretary.

01:16:37Secretary?

01:16:38And who is this?

01:16:39My wife.

01:16:40Your wife?

01:16:40Yes.

01:16:41What was she doing here?

01:16:42Listening.

01:16:43She knows everything.

01:16:44Shh.

01:16:45She's coming, too.

01:16:49Oh, you yodel to her.

01:16:51How long has she been here?

01:16:55Long enough to hear everything.

01:17:04I'm shooting the wrong man.

01:17:07Poor girl.

01:17:14Well, dear, do you feel any better?

01:17:16I don't know.

01:17:17I haven't made up my mind.

01:17:18Well, I'm glad you've come back because I think it's about time you were told the truth about everything.

01:17:21Yes, that's what I want.

01:17:22The truth and the whole truth about everything.

01:17:31Well, now that we're here, we can talk this thing over calmly.

01:17:34We might as well all sit down.

01:17:35Sit down, dear.

01:17:36I will not sit down.

01:17:37Dickie, sit down.

01:17:39I'm rested now.

01:17:41Richard, I want you to know Mrs. Zero.

01:17:44Mrs. Z-

01:17:45Your wife?

01:17:47Why, certainly.

01:17:48Mm-hmm.

01:17:49Oh, I'm glad to meet you.

01:17:54Now, to begin with, is that where you're going?

01:17:57I have been discharged, madame.

01:17:59Discharged?

01:17:59Who discharged you?

01:18:01This lady.

01:18:01I had to.

01:18:02Her French was breaking out something awful.

01:18:04Her French breaking out?

01:18:06Well, if you must know the truth, she became so brazen as to kiss Dickie right in front of me.

01:18:11He told me to, for $50.

01:18:13That is a lie.

01:18:14I did nothing of the kind.

01:18:15You're all going to tell the truth?

01:18:16I may as well confess.

01:18:18It was I who did it.

01:18:19You?

01:18:19I never saw you before.

01:18:22It was me.

01:18:23Wait a minute.

01:18:24What is this?

01:18:25It is a dress, madame.

01:18:26Well, I can see it's a dress.

01:18:28Let me look at it.

01:18:30Fine, Madeline.

01:18:31This must be one of yours.

01:18:33I will notify the police.

01:18:37I am going to call an officer.

01:18:38Oh, mother.

01:18:39Oh, think of the neighbors.

01:18:40Oh, no, madame.

01:18:41It was given to me.

01:18:42Who gave it to you?

01:18:43This lady.

01:18:44She gave it to you?

01:18:46Oh, that's a good one.

01:18:48It's you not, madame.

01:18:49Why, I never saw it before in my life.

01:18:52Oh, get the girl out of here.

01:18:53What difference does it make where she got it?

01:18:54It doesn't belong to any of you.

01:18:56But why should she insist that you gave it to her?

01:18:58Well, how do I know?

01:19:00That's what I'd like to know.

01:19:01Maybe Andrews can help us.

01:19:02Andrews can do nothing of the kind.

01:19:03Well, there's no harm in asking him.

01:19:04Why ask a dumb person?

01:19:07Now, we'll all hear something.

01:19:10You're hearing, ma'am?

01:19:11Yes, Andrews.

01:19:12Have you ever seen this lady before?

01:19:15Yes, ma'am.

01:19:16Two of her.

01:19:16Two of her?

01:19:17Twice.

01:19:19When and where did you see her?

01:19:23Shall I tell the truth, Mr. Smith?

01:19:25Why, of course, you fool.

01:19:29She called this morning.

01:19:30In fact, I let her in.

01:19:32Well, there you are.

01:19:33You see?

01:19:34Somebody had to let her in.

01:19:37Had you ever seen her before that?

01:19:39Yes, last night.

01:19:41And if he asked me,

01:19:41it was the worst night in history.

01:19:44Last night is not all my business.

01:19:46But did not madame come here this morning in this gown?

01:19:49Something like that.

01:19:50Yes.

01:19:51You said?

01:19:52Let me see that dress.

01:19:53Oh, monsieur.

01:19:57Why, Diane?

01:19:58This is one of yours.

01:20:01Oh, you little homebody.

01:20:03You weren't home at all last night.

01:20:05No.

01:20:05Who were you out with?

01:20:07Oh.

01:20:08Who were you out with?

01:20:10Oh.

01:20:11Tell me.

01:20:12I was out with him.

01:20:15So?

01:20:19Davey, you scum.

01:20:21Why, how perfectly ridiculous.

01:20:23How could I possibly be out with her?

01:20:25Wasn't I locked up with you in that room the whole night long?

01:20:28No.

01:20:29I knew from the very first it wasn't you.

01:20:30Yes.

01:20:32You knew?

01:20:33And yet you let him stay?

01:20:35Oh, you female of a species.

01:20:39And you.

01:20:40You'll pay for this.

01:20:41Wait, wait.

01:20:42Let me explain.

01:20:43Blaine.

01:20:43No, you can't explain.

01:20:44Blaine.

01:20:45Okay.

01:20:54Stop him.

01:20:55Don't shoot.

01:20:56Stop him.

01:20:57I love him.

01:20:58Don't stop him.

01:20:59Stop him.

01:21:00Stop him.

01:21:01Stop him.

01:21:02Stop him.

01:21:03Stop him.

01:21:04Stop him.

01:21:05Stop him.

01:21:07Next time he comes around, stop it.

01:21:09Did you hear what he said?

01:21:10Why don't you stop him?

01:21:12What?

01:21:13Is that anything?

01:21:13He's on the egg.

01:21:15Hey, hey!

01:21:45Now, you'll do some explaining to me, you!

01:21:47And you!

01:22:07Open this door!

01:22:09Oh, Dickie, please, please, let me tell you the truth about last night.

01:22:13What are you doing in there?

01:22:15Hey!

01:22:21Come on, you've got to get out of here.

01:22:23Oh, I'm afraid.

01:22:24Well, let me go.

01:22:26Wait a minute, never mind, I'll do it.

01:22:37Diane, if you didn't make it, don't tell me.

01:22:41Did you make it?

01:22:43Yeah, I made it all right.

01:22:55Oh, no, you don't. No, you don't. Not on me, you don't.

01:22:58You got that 50 bucks?

01:22:59No.

01:23:00Oh, come on, back you go.

01:23:04Did you hear that crash? He's beating her.

01:23:06Oh, no.

01:23:07Courage, Diane!

01:23:08Courage!

01:23:09Oh, Diane!

01:23:10Diane!

01:23:11Courage!

01:23:12Hey!

01:23:13You!

01:23:14I caught this young lady trying to make a getaway.

01:23:15Uh-huh.

01:23:16Hey, now, wait a minute, wait a minute, she's my fair and she don't get out of here until she comes across.

01:23:20Say, I've been riding this dame around since 12 o'clock last night. I picked her up at the Whoopi Club.

01:23:21And I was with her.

01:23:22Yeah, that's right, you was with her. I let you out at the subway station.

01:23:23Driver, was there a man along?

01:23:24Yes, ma'am.

01:23:25Your husband.

01:23:26You're fired!

01:23:27Fired!

01:23:28Oh, I remember him! That's the guy that was with her.

01:23:32The driver, was there a man along?

01:23:33Yes, ma'am!

01:23:34Your husband!

01:23:35You're fired!

01:23:36Oh, I remember him. That's the guy that was with him.

01:23:39whoopee club and i was with her yeah that's right you was with her i let you out the subway station

01:23:44was there a man alone yes ma'am your husband you're fired there oh i remember him that's the

01:23:54guy that was with him that's the guy i let out at the union club and she's been alone ever since

01:24:01yes sir oh thanks i didn't dare go home i had to come here for money for the taxi oh you poor kid

01:24:12you poor kid shut up you don't want a divorce now at all do you darling

01:24:17no but i do i'm the only injured party you let him stay you let him stay of course i knew the

01:24:28minute i kissed him he wasn't you well what did you do well as soon as i was positive i demanded

01:24:32the reason for the impersonation and i told her you told her it was either that or go to jail

01:24:38oh dickie it was such a gorgeous chance to cure you of your blooming habit

01:24:42she went into her room darling i locked the connecting door yes and prayed for the best

01:24:51oh sweetheart if you'll forgive me this time i promise you i'll never bloom again as long as

01:24:57i live well i'm sure glad i'm not married well thank heaven all my husbands are dead

01:25:04i really love you i love you my my daddy

01:25:16you

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