00:00Sa kalsado, opisina at saan ka man magpunta, may mga tao talagang ginagamit ang power of intimidation para masindak ka.
00:07So how do we deal with highly intimidating people?
00:11Sagutin natin with the help of a psychologist, our favorite, Rick Topin De Jesus.
00:16Happy New Year!
00:17Happy New Year!
00:18And it's nice to be back.
00:20Nako, bagong kaalaman na naman ang makuha namin galing sa'yo.
00:24Tanoyin ko muna mga Mar, siyempre, did you guys ever encounter someone highly intimidating?
00:28And paano n'yong na-handle yun?
00:30Oh god, actually I haven't.
00:33Maybe I'm the one intimidating with people.
00:37But I haven't actually.
00:38Maybe I'm too strong for to be intimidating.
00:41Bumaga bumaback-off ka agad sila.
00:44Suguro parang ganun.
00:45Kahit n'ang bata ka, la ka natatandaan.
00:47Mala, wala ka natatandaan.
00:49Parang sa akin, ako yung parang pinatatakutan.
00:53Kaya minsan sabi ko, ha mo ano kong ginawa?
00:57Oo, yung dating mo lang yung confidence mo lang na-intimidate na sila.
01:01Okay, okay, okay.
01:03Mars?
01:04Um, parang wala akong maalala ang specific na sobrang highly intimidating.
01:09Pero medyo yung mga medyo, ano, intimidating.
01:12Like, some random people you meet sa public place.
01:16Yung akala.
01:17Like recently sa, ano, comfort room akala niya nag-cut ako sa line.
01:21So parang, ay sabihin, um, ah, excuse me, ganyan.
01:25Ah, I was in line ganyan.
01:27I was in line ganyan.
01:28Tapos sabi ko, eh parang ano, nasabi ko naman, oh, I was here before you.
01:33So parang, oh.
01:34Tapos nag-apologize naman siya.
01:36Oh, sorry, because kasi foreigner, sabi niya.
01:38Kasi in our country, parang sanay kami sa pushy people.
01:43Parang gano'n.
01:44Okay, okay.
01:45May explanation.
01:46Okay, okay naman.
01:47Ika, Mars?
01:48Ako naman, ano, sa mga direktor.
01:51Oh, so sana.
01:52Kasi may mga direktors talaga na highly intimidating.
01:57Like yung, the way they talk to you, even the way they talk to the actors, minsan parang nakakataranta na, nakaka-intimidate talaga.
02:05Yun, siguro.
02:06Parang nakasindak wala paman.
02:08Kung baga show you who's boss.
02:10Yeah, or gano'n.
02:12Lakas nandating lang din.
02:13Sombra, sobra.
02:14Ikaw, Mars.
02:15Ako, minsan pagunarin yung mga events, tapos yung mga CEO ng mga kumpanya.
02:19Yung mga hindi ko pwedeng chika-chika na, eto na nga, yung mga.
02:23Yung basta-basta.
02:24Oo, yung parang kailangan timbangin mo, tapos yung jokes mo, medyo kailangan i-level up mo na ng talino.
02:30Kasi, tsaka, in English, mga ganyan.
02:32Kaya nakakatawa.
02:33Ang hirap mo, no?
02:34Oo, mahirap, Mars. Itatranslate pa ng utak ko yun.
02:37Saka yung pagbitaw mo, Mars.
02:39Mga gano'n, mga gano'ng klaseng tao.
02:41Ikaw, Tophie, ano ba ang signs that someone is intimidated?
02:45Okay, kapag intimidated yung tao, ang pinaka-apektado sa kanya is yung composure.
02:50Kasi ang intimidation, it is a state of mind of the person receiving the intimidation.
02:55So, hindi yung nag-send, it's the one receiving it.
02:59That's right.
03:00So, pag kunyari, yung tao, wala pa namang ginagawa sa'yo, pero ang dating niya, so strong to the point na natapatiklop ka, yun ang sign ng intimidation.
03:09Yung tipong, marunong ka naman mag-ingles, pero pag inunahan ka niya, nauutal ka.
03:14Correct, correct.
03:15Nagiging baro.
03:16Nagborahan yung bokapularyo sa isip mo.
03:18Diba? Nawala, oo.
03:20O kaya, for example, to the point na kahit nasa tama ka, pagbibigyan mo na lang.
03:26Yung katuloy nun sa CR, I was in line.
03:29Okay, okay, go ahead.
03:31Yung mga gano'n, yun ang signs na makikita mo na na-intimidate yung tao.
03:36Okay, okay, nagbigay na lang.
03:39So, pagbiglang na-rattle yung composure mo, that's it.
03:42Intimidation sinks in, your self-confidence becomes low, and most especially, your assertiveness disappears.
03:49Kaya kadalasan, talagang nadadaan sa, kumbaga sa Tagalog e, nauunahan sa kalampag.
03:55Oo, oo, oo.
03:57I mean, naalala na ako, kapag nagmamaneho ko, tapos yung nasa likod ko, binubusinahan ako,
04:02dahil gusto niyang mag-cross ako ng red light, para siya ay maka-cross ng red light.
04:07Kasi pagmadaling araw, kasi upong pasok e.
04:09So, hindi siya makapaghintay na mag-green ko, wala namang tumatawit.
04:12Tapos bubusinahan niya ako, nung bata ako, natataranta ko na parang,
04:16I'm trying to find a way, parang, eh, kung gusto mo mag-break ng rules,
04:19I don't wanna break the rules, kaya lang wala akong space, anong tumanda-tandaan na rin ako,
04:24nakulad ko rin. I'm in the right, di ba?
04:26Indi ako mag-break ng rules para sa'yo.
04:28Kung gusto mag-break ng rules, parang anong..
04:30Leto menos, risk pa rin sa safety po.
04:32Eh, mauuna ka kayang tatawa.
04:33Amo ipa ako.
04:34Yan yung gano'n.
04:35Pero parang, kumbaga, those are things that you learn through time, with age and experience.
04:40and experience.
04:42That's correct.
04:44But in handling intimidation,
04:46the first thing you need to do is to think
04:50that you are just similar to the person in front of you.
04:52We're just similar to the person in front of you.
04:54We're just eating food.
04:56We're just eating food.
04:58We're just eating food.
05:00We're just eating milk.
05:02We're just eating food.
05:04That's the style.
05:06Intimidation happens because
05:08the perception of the person being intimidated
05:10is that he is smaller,
05:12lower, and less powerful.
05:14Yes, inferior to the person
05:16who's doing the intimidation.
05:18But actually, it's possible to intimidate
05:20because a person who doesn't want to be intimidated.
05:22Definitely.
05:24You don't want to be bullied.
05:26But bullying is different.
05:28It's different.
05:30Bullying becomes very cyclic.
05:32And it's the person
05:34The person
05:36Deliberate na nila.
05:38The intimidation actually is not deliberate.
05:40It's just your mere presence.
05:42It is coming from the person intimidated.
05:46The intimidation.
05:47So, it's the same thing here,
05:48the people who are being treated,
05:50it's the center of what we need to do.
05:52Okay. Got it. Got it. Got it.
05:54Got it.
05:55Yes.
05:56We have one like this.
05:58When we're a guest,
06:00the whole dressing room,
06:02the whole dressing room,
06:03the whole dressing room is lit.
06:04It's lit.
06:05It's lit.
06:06But it's not that he's sitting there.
06:07Just like that.
06:08She's sitting there.
06:09But like that,
06:10the whole room is like.
06:11The whole room is being gasp.
06:12It's like.
06:13It's not that she makes us feel.
06:14That's right.
06:15But it's not that she makes us feel.
06:17That's right.
06:18We're just awkwardly,
06:20just her mere presence.
06:21Yeah.
06:22Moving our way around the dressing room
06:24when she's there.
06:25Because it's either that you can see or perceive that the level of this artist is different.
06:31Stature.
06:32Different.
06:33So, when it comes to the artist, it's kind of hard to make a lot of money.
06:38Right.
06:39Right, right.
06:40Or make a lot of money.
06:41Right, right.
06:42You know, it's like, you don't want to make a lot of money today.
06:44It could be.
06:47But how do you think the person you're dealing with is a person of authority?
06:52Well, first of all,
06:54First of all, you have to say to yourself,
06:56it's true that in our work, I'm a boss.
06:58But it's like a different person.
07:00And what their needs are, I need them.
07:03So, I just need to communicate as if I'm communicating with someone within my same level.
07:09That's the mentality.
07:10Now, there are other exercises that you can imagine.
07:13Imagine that you have a blue one and it's like a clown.
07:17There are other exercises that are not a guarantee that it's effective for everyone.
07:22Oh, okay. Yes.
07:23Kasi minsan may iba, for example, sabihin,
07:25okay, just imagine them in their underwear, ibang reaction eh.
07:27So, medyo iiwasan natin ng konti yun.
07:31So, again,
07:32depende yun sa personality nung nag-i-imagine din.
07:36Factor din yun.
07:36Yes, also.
07:37Oo.
07:38So, the best exercise is to first level yourself with a person.
07:42Kaya rin siya ang boss ko, lalapit ako, may papeles akong papipirmahan.
07:45Eh si ma'am formal ang itsura, yayamanin, kung baga nga.
07:49Yeah.
07:50Paka may power.
07:51Oo, oo, oo.
07:52Iisipin ko, kailangan lang niyang pirmahan to.
07:55Wala akong kinalaman sa konong araw niya.
07:58Kailangan lang niyang gawin itong kailangan kong papirmahan.
08:01That's it.
08:02Pares lang kaming empleyado sa pungpanyang to.
08:04Yes, actually.
08:04That's it.
08:05That's true.
08:06And then, therefore, go ahead.
08:08Now, the best way is to practice at home.
08:11In all fairness, iba ang nadadala ng pagpapractice sa harapan ng salamin.
08:16Right.
08:16Meron kasi tayong mirror neurons sa ating utak.
08:19Ibig sabihin, when we see somebody, kung ano yung demeanor niya, ramdam natin.
08:25So, kung ang mukha niya mataray, ang ramdam ka agad natin ay mataray.
08:30Kahit wala pa siyang ginagawa.
08:31Kaya pati ikaw tuloy parang formal ka-adal.
08:34Correct, di ba?
08:35Ano ka na eh? Guard up ka na eh.
08:39Correct.
08:40The feeling is mutual, darling.
08:42So, ang gagawin mo, ganito yan.
08:44Sa bahay, practicein mo yung magandang demeanor, light, friendly, a little bubbly kung kinakailangan.
08:50And then, from there, makikita mo yung expression mo kasi.
08:53So, it then mirrors in your emotion.
08:55Kaya, nadadala mo na, you're light, bubbly, friendly, na hindi ka madaling ma-intimitin.
09:00At hindi ka ma-apekto ka ng iba't ibang types ng tao.
09:02Correct.
09:03Pagpraktisado ka na sa kahit na anong sitwasyon.
09:05I'm this way.
09:06Oh, oh.
09:07Tinan mo sa mga call center, di ba?
09:09Atatatatatatatatatatatak!
09:10Yung callers.
09:11At kaya sinusungitan na sila, ganun pa rin yung ano kasi, ready sila.
09:15Ready sila.
09:16Expected na nila, actually.
09:17The training of them is that they also listen to their own voice.
09:21So, when they know that they don't say,
09:24okay, that's my tone.
09:25They're practicing even if they're in their own language.
09:28That's right.
09:29I understand your problem, ma'am. Let me get you to the right department.
09:32That's how it's practiced.
09:35So, it entails practice.
09:37It entails practice and a change of mindset.
09:41You know, we're just like people.
09:43Right, right.
09:44And it's sometimes a physical thing that you do also.
09:47You sort of shake it off.
09:48Yeah.
09:49Why did I get you?
09:50Release the tension.
09:51Wait, wait.
09:52We're just eating the same thing.
09:54Wait, wait.
09:55And really a bright smile, right?
09:58When you realize it, it's like a lot of people.
10:01Sure.
10:02When all else fails, a deep breath is always very helpful.
10:06Wait, ma'am.
10:08In anything, huh?
10:09Right.
10:10Okay, let's try to talk this out.
10:12I love it.
10:13Thank you, Tophie.
10:14Thank you, Tophie.
10:15As always, it's a pleasure to be here.
10:16Thank you, Tophie.
10:17Thank you, Tophie.
10:18Tophie, how can people get in touch with you?
10:19Yes, I am in St. Luke's Global City.
10:22You can ask for the memory center, second floor.
10:24And I also have a clinic in Cubao.
10:26It's in Balete Drive, corner Aurora Boulevard.
10:29You can also search me on Facebook.
10:31It's Rick Toph and Desus.
10:32It's Rick Toph and Desus.
10:33Nice.
10:35Thank you very much.
10:36Thank you very much.
10:37And up next, ito na.
10:38Mag-cheekahan na tayo with Mars Leigh and Mars Irma,
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