Watch American Virgin, a hilarious college comedy about a straight-laced student whose life turns upside down after a wild night of partying ruins her reputation. Starring Jenna Dewan and Rob Schneider, this fun, outrageous film delivers nonstop laughs and chaos!
#AmericanVirgin #AmericanVirgin2009 #ComedyMovie #CollegeComedy #FullMovie #TeenComedy #JennaDewan #RobSchneider #FunnyMovie #HDMovie
#AmericanVirgin #AmericanVirgin2009 #ComedyMovie #CollegeComedy #FullMovie #TeenComedy #JennaDewan #RobSchneider #FunnyMovie #HDMovie
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Short filmTranscript
00:00:00you want to see some chicks going crazy right now get chicks go crazy buy this dvd because
00:00:13these chicks are going crazy i just lost my mind you'd be crazy or some kind of homo not to order
00:00:19right now keep your pants on only 1995 this offer not available some parts of utah and some other
00:00:23uptight sexless and liquorless states and it's also crazy i'm the same guy who says chicks go
00:00:27crazy but i also have a crazy announcer voice order now harold coming honey
00:00:34it's uh my duty as your father to uh let you know that uh men boys and men are filthy
00:00:51disgusting creatures with one thing on their mind
00:00:56you're starting to get to the age where where where boys are going to start noticing you
00:01:10start wanting things from you horrible sick disgusting things which you're not going to
00:01:17give them which isn't to say that sex is a bad thing sex is a beautiful spiritual act but you
00:01:24should never ever do it
00:01:31the point is you need to save yourself because someday you'll meet the man you'll marry and when
00:01:37you do he'll only have eyes for you and occasionally that little slut from the marketing department it
00:01:41was the office christmas party and her dog just died i see the way you look at her harold don't think
00:01:45i don't see now is not the time
00:01:52so until you're happily married don't even think about just put away the chewing gum
00:01:59you don't want to have sex but honey no this is not chewing this is a condom
00:02:07make absolutely sure you always have a condom but make absolutely sure you never use it because if
00:02:14you do we'll kill you that's how much we love you
00:02:24thank you all for being here as you know can't hurry love is the country's largest organization
00:02:30promoting chastity through purity balls like this throughout the land we have shown that america is
00:02:36not a country of wanting lust that's us daddy it is not a country of hookup culture and reality show
00:02:44morality priscilla do you take a sacred vow that you will be pure in mind and body and that you will
00:02:51abstain from sexual relations until marriage i do you may now present priscilla with the purity ring
00:02:58oh i love you daddy
00:03:03congratulations sir may i cut in you may
00:03:16make sure to leave room for the holy spirit as last year's recipient of the can't hurry love college
00:03:23scholarship i'm currently attending university in michigan where i'm continuing to uphold our sacred
00:03:30abstinence vows close to my heart our body our temple our body our temple
00:03:42now i'd like to introduce the winner of this year's scholarship she's an upstanding young woman ladies and
00:03:49gentlemen the future of america miss priscilla white thank you thank you thank you oh i'm so grateful
00:04:04to mary margaret for her inspiration and strength i'd also like to thank my mom and my dad for instilling
00:04:11in me the values that got me here today at pennington college i promise to uphold the standards of decency
00:04:18and morality that this great organization represents and as mary margaret so passionately declared
00:04:25our body our temple
00:04:35seems like i just got back from college and in a couple of weeks don't even say it come on baby
00:04:41it won't be that bad pennington and michigan are only a few hours apart five hours and 40 minutes
00:04:47that's if you take the highway all the way keeping a constant speed of 65 miles per hour but if you get
00:04:53caught in moderate to light traffic around okay okay okay so it won't be that easy for us to visit each
00:04:57other are you sure you're willing to wait for me i'm sure
00:05:01oh that is just disgusting uh-huh oh yeah right there doesn't that poor young woman realize how horribly
00:05:19she's being exploited she's being exploited yeah she's being exploited in the most nasty way
00:05:25fuck me harder i just want to go over there and slap some sense into her me too
00:05:29oh poor thing
00:05:35oh
00:05:37see
00:05:38see
00:05:39see senor see
00:05:43i'm coming
00:05:44tell me about it
00:05:45i'm coming
00:05:46Mom, Dad, bye! I'll call you every day!
00:06:16Hi. Nice pillows. Thank you. I'm Priscilla. Chuck. Thanks to meet you. So you're going to be rooming next to us this year, huh? Yes. Sweet. I'll start building a tunnel to the wall tonight. Yo, Chuck, get off the new girl. We're coming in. Are you, like, projecting? You want to mount every freshman so Chuck does, too?
00:06:45You're policing, and Dr. Sharon clearly said no policing. Guys, this is Priscilla. Sorry. I'm Eileen. I live one floor down. That's my boyfriend, Kevin. Hi. What are you doing? I'm lining up my books so the spines are flush. It makes it difficult to read the spines of the small books if they're in between two larger ones. Why don't you just separate all the small ones from the large ones? And take them out of alphabetical order? So who's your roommate?
00:07:15Uh... Natalie Reed? The Naz? You know her. Everyone knows her. She never graduates. This is going to be her seventh year. You're rooming with the Naz. What happened to her last roommate? Judy or... Jamie. Expelled. Expelled? For what? I'm not exactly sure what the charges were for. Stuff like that just seems to happen when the Naz is around. Don't worry. She's really not that bad. Oh, no. She's not that bad.
00:07:45She's been getting along with everyone, so I'm sure she'll be no exception.
00:07:50No!
00:07:52No!
00:07:54No!
00:07:56No!
00:07:57No!
00:07:58No!
00:07:59No!
00:08:00No!
00:08:01No!
00:08:02No!
00:08:03No!
00:08:04No!
00:08:05No!
00:08:06No!
00:08:07No!
00:08:08No!
00:08:09No!
00:08:10No!
00:08:11No!
00:08:12No!
00:08:13Wait!
00:08:14You must be...
00:08:15Priscilla!
00:08:16I'm Naz.
00:08:17I guess we're cellmates.
00:08:20Don't be ridiculous.
00:08:27Nice to finally meet you!
00:08:28I took the liberty of taking the dresser on the right, but the one on the left is empty.
00:08:35Organized, huh? Guess I better get busy.
00:08:45Done.
00:08:51That's a pretty vase.
00:08:54You're funny. I like that.
00:08:56God, what is it about dormitories? They always smell like piss.
00:09:00Reminds me a little of Juvie.
00:09:04God, for the life of me, I can't remember what the hell these are.
00:09:15Oh, well.
00:09:21Please tell me that's a back massager.
00:09:23Oh, Vlad the Impaler.
00:09:25You are welcome to borrow him, as long as you clean him up afterwards.
00:09:29But word of warning, if you've never used one before, don't put it on high setting.
00:09:34I swear to God, she'll shoot through the fucking ceiling.
00:09:40Smile.
00:09:44I need to change roommates.
00:09:45Oh, dear. Well, I'll put your name on the list.
00:09:48And if something comes up, I'll give you a ring.
00:09:51But I'll bet by that time, you and this gal will become best of buds.
00:09:56You don't understand.
00:09:58Your roommate is the Naz?
00:10:00She's positively awful, Brad.
00:10:03She kept pulling things out of her bag like some sort of degenerate nanny.
00:10:07You know, the one with the umbrella and the kids and the flying and the music.
00:10:12Hang in there, honey. Maybe we'll find another room for you.
00:10:14Hey, Brad. We're going to Oktoberfest.
00:10:16What's that noise?
00:10:17Oh, just some rowdy kids here in the library.
00:10:19Brad, I miss you so much.
00:10:31Where is it? I can't hear you. Can you hear me?
00:10:34Brad? Brad? Brad, you...
00:10:36I think we have a bad connection.
00:10:39Hello?
00:10:41Puppy poop.
00:10:42Jigs go crazy!
00:11:03Jigs go crazy!
00:11:07Jigs go crazy!
00:11:09Jigs go crazy!
00:11:10Hey!
00:11:11Hey!
00:11:11Hey!
00:11:12Hey!
00:11:12Hey!
00:11:13Hey!
00:11:14Hey!
00:11:15Hey!
00:11:16Hey!
00:11:17Hey!
00:11:18Dude, you're crazy lady!
00:11:19Hi!
00:11:20I finally found you!
00:11:21Did you get my texts?
00:11:22I thought we could go to the mall.
00:11:24Oh, I have to study.
00:11:25Kevin, baby.
00:11:27Maybe you're doing it again.
00:11:29Doing what?
00:11:30Let me get this one.
00:11:31Didn't Dr. Sharon say you should work on respecting Kevin's study schedule?
00:11:34But we have to spend more time together.
00:11:36It's like keeping three laws more important than I do.
00:11:39Oh, my gosh, it's killing me.
00:11:40Go pre-med.
00:11:41It's easy.
00:11:42You're not pre-med.
00:11:44You just say that to impress girls.
00:11:47Speaking of which, I think I found my new patient.
00:11:51Five minutes and she'll be puttying my hands.
00:11:54The doctor's in!
00:11:56Hey, Priscilla.
00:11:58There's a cape to story tonight.
00:12:00Would you like to accompany me?
00:12:02I need to study.
00:12:04Then how about a one-on-one study set?
00:12:06Watch candle lights?
00:12:07Flash cards?
00:12:08Crunch some numbers?
00:12:09No, thank you.
00:12:10I have a boyfriend.
00:12:11Oh, yeah.
00:12:12Yo, what's up?
00:12:13Who is that?
00:12:14Priscilla, this is John.
00:12:15John, my roommate Priscilla.
00:12:16My name is James, actually.
00:12:17Hi.
00:12:18This is Deanna.
00:12:19Sandra.
00:12:20Can we get on with it?
00:12:21I'm losing wood.
00:12:22Hey, wait.
00:12:23Come join.
00:12:24Oh, yeah.
00:12:25Oh.
00:12:26Hey, Priscilla.
00:12:27What's up?
00:12:28Who is that?
00:12:29Priscilla, this is John.
00:12:30John, my roommate Priscilla.
00:12:31My name is James, actually.
00:12:33Hi.
00:12:34This is Deanna.
00:12:35Sandra.
00:12:36Can we get on with it?
00:12:37I'm losing wood.
00:12:38Hey, wait.
00:12:39Come join.
00:12:40Oh, yeah.
00:12:41Ha, ha.
00:12:42Ha, ha.
00:12:43Oh.
00:12:44Hey, Priscilla.
00:12:45They're showing, uh, Made in Manhattan at the Student Union tonight.
00:12:48You, uh, want to check it out?
00:12:49Oh, I love that movie.
00:12:50But I can't.
00:12:51What?
00:12:52How about Thursday?
00:12:53You want to come to the Gamble Party?
00:12:54Boyfriend.
00:12:55So, how long are you going to keep this up?
00:12:56Eighteen minutes, thirty-seven seconds.
00:12:57Oh, I love that movie.
00:12:58I love that movie.
00:12:59But I can't.
00:13:00What?
00:13:01How about Thursday?
00:13:02You want to come to the Gamble Party?
00:13:03Boyfriend.
00:13:04So, how long are you going to keep this up?
00:13:19Eighteen minutes, thirty-seven seconds.
00:13:24No.
00:13:25As in, as in you barely said two words to me.
00:13:41Could you please not do that?
00:13:44Relax.
00:13:45They're just pictures.
00:13:46I prefer if you didn't smoke marijuana.
00:13:48Who took these?
00:13:49They're crap.
00:13:51Weird composition.
00:13:52Bad exposure.
00:13:54Is this your boyfriend?
00:13:56Ugh.
00:13:57I love a guy who wears a baseball cap backwards.
00:13:59It's so red state.
00:14:01Give me that.
00:14:02Stop!
00:14:03Girls from Can't Hurry Love Sign a Pledge to Abstain from Sex?
00:14:06Holy shit!
00:14:07That's you.
00:14:08There's a picture of you.
00:14:11Are you fucking kidding me?
00:14:13So you're like a professional virgin or something?
00:14:15I just don't believe in sex before marriage.
00:14:18Not even with yourself?
00:14:19What?
00:14:20Don't tell me when you're in bed you don't slip your hand underneath the covers for a little DJ action.
00:14:24Wicca, wicca, wicca, wicca, wicca, wicca.
00:14:28You know, flicking the bean, teasing the taco, buffing the muffin.
00:14:33If you're referring to masturbation, then no, I don't do that.
00:14:37As Mary Margaret always says, our body is our temple and should be treated as such.
00:14:42You apparently chose to treat yours like an amusement park.
00:14:44Mary who?
00:14:45Never mind.
00:14:46I just think that sex is a sacred act between a man, woman, and God.
00:14:54But hand jobs are okay, right?
00:14:56No!
00:14:57Manually stimulating a phallus is a sexual act.
00:15:00A man's what?
00:15:01His phallus, the genitals, the male member.
00:15:04Oh, you mean touching a guy's cock?
00:15:07What?
00:15:08Cock?
00:15:09Cock is not a bad word.
00:15:10Cock, cock, cock, cock, cock, cock.
00:15:11It's a colloquialism I prefer not to use.
00:15:14Then what do you call a guy chicken?
00:15:16I don't call a guy chicken anything.
00:15:18I didn't grow up on a farm.
00:15:20My roommate is batshit crazy.
00:15:22I'm crazy?
00:15:24How did she even get into this school?
00:15:25I blew the admissions officer.
00:15:27That is disgusting.
00:15:28I know.
00:15:29I think he had crabs.
00:15:30Where are you going?
00:15:32Oh!
00:15:36Hey Priscilla, you wanna come here for a second?
00:15:38I just made you come with one finger.
00:15:40Imagine what I can do with my whole hand.
00:15:42What?
00:15:43I got the F, the C, and the K.
00:15:45All I need is U.
00:15:46Let's play Pearl Harbor!
00:15:50I'll lay down and you'll blow the crap out of me!
00:15:56I think I'm starting to wear her down.
00:16:02Ready for the gamble party?
00:16:03Chase Co-Crazy's gonna be there.
00:16:04I can't go.
00:16:05I have a test tomorrow.
00:16:06I have to stay in and study.
00:16:12I'm joking.
00:16:13Well, not about the test actually.
00:16:15It's a pretty big one.
00:16:17Hey, funky ashtray.
00:16:19Couldn't find one.
00:16:20This is my diaphragm.
00:16:21You're really gonna hole up in here and read?
00:16:25It's gonna be a fun party.
00:16:26Come on.
00:16:27We can have a few drinks, dance.
00:16:31Come play with us.
00:16:33Flirt with some guys.
00:16:34Kiss someone whose name you don't know.
00:16:37I have to study.
00:16:41Want to see a picture of someone with no social life?
00:16:44Oh, that's what you see.
00:16:45I see a principled young woman with her priorities straight.
00:16:48Jesus.
00:16:49No wonder nobody likes you.
00:16:51That is not true.
00:16:52Everyone likes me.
00:16:54Sure.
00:16:55Because everyone feels so comfortable around you.
00:16:58Shit.
00:16:59It's like hanging out with a nun, but less fun.
00:17:02Let's go, bitches.
00:17:08Miss you already.
00:17:11Think about it.
00:17:16Now, now, now.
00:17:18Hi, Brad.
00:17:20Your roommate said you're out of town at some festival.
00:17:24Why aren't you answering your phone?
00:17:26Anyway, now she said that nobody likes me.
00:17:30How could somebody not like me, right?
00:17:37Anyway, pseudobums, I miss you.
00:17:39Call me when you get this.
00:17:45I'm gonna be straight up on it.
00:17:48What are you two girls studying?
00:17:49I'm getting my MBA.
00:17:50Yeah.
00:17:51You know the difference between a recession and a depression?
00:17:53If you ain't working, it's a depression, right?
00:17:54Right?
00:17:55What about you?
00:17:56What are you studying?
00:17:57Studying the lepogenetics,
00:17:58because I hope to save lives someday.
00:17:59Wow.
00:18:00What are you two girls studying?
00:18:02I'm getting my MBA.
00:18:03Yeah, you know the difference between a recession and a depression?
00:18:07If you ain't working, it's a depression, right?
00:18:09Right?
00:18:09What about you?
00:18:10What are you studying?
00:18:10Studying the lepogenetics because I hope to save lives someday.
00:18:13Wow.
00:18:14You know, identifying genes for the early onset of illness is important work, huh?
00:18:17You two should be very proud of yourselves.
00:18:19Now look in the camera and say you're a dirty slut.
00:18:21I'm a dirty slut!
00:18:23Yes, you are!
00:18:24Give him a hat.
00:18:25All right, if you want to show your ass, the line's in there.
00:18:27All right?
00:18:28Okay?
00:18:29Take that with you.
00:18:30Hey, shit stains.
00:18:41Yeah?
00:18:41Let's get some different tits tonight, all right?
00:18:43Okay, yeah.
00:18:43I'm tired of the same tits.
00:18:44Yeah, am I?
00:18:45All right?
00:18:45I want some heavy tits.
00:18:48Okay.
00:18:49Tits that move.
00:18:50Oh, heavy and moving?
00:18:51Yes.
00:18:51All right.
00:18:51Done.
00:18:52What kind of tits are those?
00:18:53Uh, those are grapefruits.
00:18:55What next to them?
00:18:55Grassy knolls.
00:18:56No, those are cold hooks.
00:18:57Go up.
00:18:58Right, sorry.
00:18:58Go up, all right?
00:18:59Yeah, yeah.
00:18:59How about next to that?
00:19:00Uh, hockey pucks.
00:19:01All right, and?
00:19:02Uh, these things.
00:19:04These things, right, and what do we do with those?
00:19:06Uh, nothing, because it's illegal.
00:19:08Right, and we can go to?
00:19:09Jay.
00:19:09Right.
00:19:10Got that?
00:19:10Yeah, I got it.
00:19:10Where's your tits chart?
00:19:12Oh, um...
00:19:14Where the fuck is it?
00:19:16I think it's at the hotel, maybe.
00:19:17Why don't you bring your fucking tits chart?
00:19:18Uh, uh, I brought this.
00:19:20All right, borrow mine.
00:19:21What can I get next time?
00:19:22All right, thank you.
00:19:22But give me that back.
00:19:23Yeah, yeah, I bet.
00:19:25All right, ladies, let's see some titties!
00:19:27You know, these fundamentalists actually believe the planet is only 5,000 years old.
00:19:44Now, how stupid is that?
00:19:45So don't let these morons tell you you can't show your tits, because they're amazing.
00:19:50Man.
00:19:55It's okay.
00:19:56Fake's the new real.
00:20:01That's a good doctor.
00:20:02Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
00:20:04I can't believe you're here!
00:20:13I have to get them to lower this hideous music!
00:20:16I can't sleep!
00:20:17I can't think of you!
00:20:18Oh, calm down!
00:20:20Give this party a chance!
00:20:22Natalie, I don't belong here!
00:20:24Oh, come on!
00:20:26Have one drink!
00:20:27I don't drink!
00:20:28Mary Margaret always...
00:20:29Fuck!
00:20:30Mary Margaret!
00:20:32Just kidding.
00:20:33Stay for five minutes, have one drink.
00:20:36Absolutely not.
00:20:37Well, if you don't want to stay, then we can take the party back to our place.
00:20:40Hey, you want to come on?
00:20:41Okay, okay, okay, fine.
00:20:43I'll stay, but only for five minutes.
00:20:45That's it.
00:20:49Here.
00:20:50Have some gelatin.
00:20:54The house mom made it, it's good.
00:20:58Don't burn your bras, just take them off!
00:21:01Hey, uh, come find us later, huh?
00:21:06Man, is he barking up the wrong tree.
00:21:09Wrong tree!
00:21:18This is so good!
00:21:25I love strawberry!
00:21:27I'm just trying no raspberry, it's delicious.
00:21:31Oh, go ahead, have fun!
00:21:34That's an order!
00:21:34You can hate me for anything's wrong in every mind.
00:21:38I'll never be normal, never be fine.
00:21:40Never a cure, so let me say I like it that way.
00:21:43Start to get the medicine, but don't save us.
00:21:47You better let us in.
00:21:49It's contagious, you're too afraid to see.
00:21:53You're crazy too, but not crazy like me.
00:21:57I'm crazy like you.
00:21:58Doctor, give me the medicine.
00:22:07If we share the disease, then please repeat after me and scream it.
00:22:13Doctor, give me the medicine.
00:22:14Cause it is airborne, and now I can't remain calm.
00:22:20When I find something's wrong in every mind, I'll never be normal, I'll never be fine.
00:22:24Never a cure, so let me say I like it that way.
00:22:27Doctor, give me the medicine.
00:22:29You better let us in.
00:22:31You better let us in.
00:22:33It's contagious, you better let us in.
00:22:35Chips go crazy, Chips go crazy, Chips go crazy, Chips go crazy.
00:23:05Chips go crazy, Chips go crazy, Chips go crazy, Chips go crazy.
00:23:26Put my GP up to infinity, I'll never wait for it.
00:23:31ζ©ise pelvic pain think you know that this party was not a jury.
00:23:35Huh?
00:23:47Dude, walk of shame.
00:23:51Walk of shame!
00:23:53Whoa, who it is?!
00:23:54Walk of shame!
00:23:56Walk of shame!
00:23:57Walk of shame!
00:23:59Walk of shame!
00:24:00Walk of shame!
00:24:01You rock.
00:24:14I take back everything I ever said about you.
00:24:16Everything.
00:24:17Shh.
00:24:18Please stop shouting.
00:24:19Seriously, you're like my new hero.
00:24:21What are you talking about?
00:24:23Is that your bra hanging up at the big tree outside of Gamma House?
00:24:26What?
00:24:27You're kidding.
00:24:27You really don't remember?
00:24:28Remember what?
00:24:29All I remember was dancing.
00:24:31Awkward.
00:24:31Awkward.
00:24:34Natalie, what did I do last night?
00:24:36Well, you got a little wild.
00:24:40Okay, you got really wild.
00:24:42Even by my standards.
00:24:44What's your saying a lot?
00:24:45And you didn't stop me?
00:24:46Are you kidding me?
00:24:47You were having fun for once.
00:24:48It was the coolest thing ever.
00:24:50The guys at Gamma House are going to devote a whole new religion to you.
00:24:55I swear, I didn't even know it was possible to pick up a dollar bill that way.
00:25:00What dollar bill?
00:25:01She doesn't remember anything.
00:25:03Seriously?
00:25:07I don't get it.
00:25:08All you have is gelatin.
00:25:10As in shots?
00:25:12With vodka?
00:25:13I have to find out exactly what I did.
00:25:19You could always watch the DVD.
00:25:20What DVD?
00:25:22Chicks go crazy shot the whole thing.
00:25:24Oh my God.
00:25:27Everyone out now!
00:25:29No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
00:25:33Priscilla, come on.
00:25:34So you did something stupid.
00:25:36No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
00:25:37Welcome to the human race.
00:25:40If my parents see this tape, they'll kill me.
00:25:43If Cannery Love finds out about this, they'll retract my scholarship.
00:25:46I'll have to drop out of college.
00:25:49Then what will I do?
00:25:51You can always start a career in adult film.
00:25:53I have been your roommate for all of five weeks, and you've turned me into a porn star!
00:25:58Slow down.
00:25:59You're not a porn star just yet.
00:26:01Well, not at least until you do your first anal.
00:26:03Get off of me!
00:26:07Get off of me!
00:26:15Damn, you're a lot stronger than you look.
00:26:17This is all your fault.
00:26:19My fault?
00:26:19How?
00:26:20How?
00:26:21You're the one that pressured me to stay at the party.
00:26:23You're the one that got me drunk.
00:26:25Yeah, but I didn't think you were gonna...
00:26:27This is so not my fault.
00:26:30Oh, great!
00:26:31I finally get her to lighten up, and now I'm the persona au gratin.
00:26:34That means people with cheese.
00:26:39My life is ruined.
00:26:40Look, I've been doing some research on Kurtzman.
00:26:43He's on his way to Detroit for Oktoberfest as we speak.
00:26:46All we have to do is find Kurtzman and convince him to give us the footage back.
00:26:50What would Mary Margaret do?
00:26:51What would Mary Margaret do?
00:26:52So we use my dad's credit card to pay for the trip, and we can be there by sundown.
00:26:56You can't leave.
00:26:57I have a midterm tomorrow.
00:26:59So I don't have to be a porn star?
00:27:00I can save my scholarship?
00:27:02Definitely.
00:27:04Then we're going.
00:27:05I will find that rapscallion, and I will look him in the eye, and I will say,
00:27:09Sir, I am a young woman who has been horribly wrong.
00:27:12I demand that take back now.
00:27:14That's a long shot.
00:27:15Do not defy me.
00:27:17We will go to the gates of depravity.
00:27:19We will journey to the center of the feast, and we will find that footage, or my name is
00:27:23not Priscilla White.
00:27:25That is one pissed off virgin.
00:27:30Dude, give it up.
00:27:34You're not going to get cell reception out here.
00:27:36I'm sure Eileen is fine.
00:27:43Kevin, hi.
00:27:45It's Eileen.
00:27:46Remember me?
00:27:47Your girlfriend?
00:27:47Hi, it's me again.
00:27:55It's been about five minutes.
00:27:59Well, I forgot to say I love you on the last message, so I just, I love you.
00:28:11And remember, if you so much as look at another pair of breasts, I will slice off your hairy
00:28:17balls, and I will nail them to your mother.
00:28:21Get in, ma.
00:28:21Oh, I can't listen to this.
00:28:25Oh, leave it.
00:28:26You're fucking with me, right?
00:28:28Tells me you aren't my one.
00:28:35Oh, when you walk into my life once again, oh, and you'll be forever in my heart.
00:28:53You suck!
00:28:54I'll never let you go.
00:28:58Never be apart.
00:29:01Turn that shit off!
00:29:03Wherever you may go.
00:29:09I'm not fucking shoot myself.
00:29:12That's proud of my song.
00:29:14I miss him so much.
00:29:15Oh, it's over fast.
00:29:27I can only imagine what goes on here.
00:29:29Now, isn't it great?
00:29:31Got a room?
00:29:34I put 27 missed calls.
00:29:36Eileen.
00:29:38Woo!
00:29:40Awesome.
00:29:41Awesome.
00:29:45What is that?
00:29:48Ah, someone left the room service tray outside.
00:29:50It's half empty.
00:29:52Actually, it's half full.
00:29:54Beer!
00:29:54No, no, no.
00:29:55We came here to find Kurtzman, not to party.
00:29:57We're all going to bed.
00:29:58We have an early start in the morning.
00:30:007.45 breakfast, 8.20 meeting in the lobby, 9 a.m. sharp.
00:30:04We're out the door.
00:30:04I'm not going to bite.
00:30:25I know.
00:30:25What's the problem?
00:30:26We've been living in the same room for five weeks.
00:30:28Have I ever hit on you?
00:30:30No, but I see the way you look at me when I get ready for bed at night.
00:30:33The way I look...
00:30:34Yeah, the sight of you in your flannel pajamas with big fuzzy pink slippers really gets me wet.
00:30:39Can I ask you a question?
00:30:41Do you ever have fantasies?
00:30:43What?
00:30:43You know, sexual fantasies.
00:30:45Of course I do.
00:30:47It's not like I'm not human.
00:30:49Tell me one.
00:30:50No.
00:30:51Come on, the guys are asleep.
00:30:52It's just us girls.
00:30:55Do you promise not to laugh?
00:30:58Cross my heart.
00:30:58Okay.
00:31:01Well, it starts on my wedding day.
00:31:04Mm-hmm.
00:31:05I arrive at the church promptly at noon.
00:31:08Brad and his family arrive at 12.30 for photographs while the bridesmaids and I are getting dressed.
00:31:13At 2.45 we line up the wedding party so the ceremony can begin promptly at 3.
00:31:18The ceremony concludes at 3.30, followed by more photographs.
00:31:23We get to the reception at 5.00, first dance at 5.20, dinner at 5.35, cake cutting at 6.35.
00:31:31We leave the reception at Sackley at 8 and take a limo back to the hotel, arriving at approximately 8.25.
00:31:3820 minutes to get upstairs and unpack.
00:31:40And then at 8.45, we do it.
00:31:48Do it?
00:31:49You know, make love.
00:31:51That's your big sexual fantasy?
00:31:53Losing your virginity at 8.45 on your wedding night.
00:31:56Give or take 10 minutes, depending on traffic.
00:31:59Wow.
00:32:00That gives a whole new meaning to the phrase anal sex.
00:32:04Okay, your turn.
00:32:06Well, first of all, there's a pony.
00:32:08Oh, God, I'm kidding.
00:32:10Jeez, Priscilla, I'm not a total perv.
00:32:13How did you ever take anything seriously?
00:32:15Life isn't nearly as serious as you think it is.
00:32:17You're a planner.
00:32:18I'm a doer.
00:32:19I live in the moment.
00:32:20A free spirit.
00:32:22I don't want to end up in the suburbs, married to my high school boyfriend, wondering what
00:32:26my life would be like while I'm stuck in traffic in my SUV heading towards a death that's
00:32:31as boring as my life ever was.
00:32:33Wow.
00:32:34I never realized you were so afraid.
00:32:37Me?
00:32:37What on earth am I afraid of?
00:32:39Growing up.
00:32:40Grown-ups for pussies.
00:32:43Well, we ship from Taiwan like we always do.
00:32:44Hang on a second, will you?
00:32:46Hi, sweetie.
00:32:48Yeah, did you get the package?
00:32:50Right, right.
00:32:51Yeah, well, the instruction for your cell phone should be in there, all right?
00:32:54Now, try not to lose it this time.
00:32:56Okay, Daddy loves you.
00:32:57Hang on a second.
00:32:58Hey, hey.
00:32:59Take your own elevator, ass clown.
00:33:00Right.
00:33:01Sorry.
00:33:01Okay.
00:33:02Daddy's got to go.
00:33:03He loves you.
00:33:04You're late.
00:33:21Okay.
00:33:24Natalie and I will canvas the east side of the street.
00:33:26You guys take the west.
00:33:27If any of us sees Kurtzman, we call each other cell phones.
00:33:30And if we haven't seen him by the end of the day, we meet back here tonight.
00:33:36Were you guys awake when Natalie and I were talking last night?
00:33:39Not me.
00:33:40I was out the moment I hit the pillow.
00:33:42Me too.
00:33:42Out cold.
00:33:44Good.
00:33:45Okay, so if we don't see you before then, then we meet back here tonight.
00:33:48Yes.
00:33:49At 845.
00:33:55You know what's so overrated?
00:33:57Three-somes.
00:33:58It's just like two people get really into each other, so I like four-somes, you know what
00:34:01I mean?
00:34:02You know, everybody's getting served.
00:34:05We're never going to find them like this.
00:34:07Calm down.
00:34:07Maybe we should have...
00:34:09Hey, have you seen the guy from Chicks Go Crazy?
00:34:12What?
00:34:13Chicks Go Crazy.
00:34:14Really?
00:34:15No.
00:34:15No.
00:34:16No.
00:34:17No.
00:34:17Okay, you need to learn to respect yourself.
00:34:20Here is some free literature about a wonderful organization for a can't-hurry-love.
00:34:26Dude, we're supposed to be looking for Kurtzman, not buying contraband-bait goods.
00:34:29We are looking for Kurtzman.
00:34:31I love you.
00:34:34I love you.
00:34:35Hi, sweetie.
00:34:36Hey.
00:34:36What are you doing?
00:34:39He literally spoke two minutes ago.
00:34:42Kevin?
00:34:42It's not that I don't want to talk...
00:34:44This is really passive-aggressive behavior.
00:34:45I...
00:34:45No.
00:34:45You think for one second that I am not going to be bringing this up with Dr. Sharon?
00:34:48Well, then you are sorely mistaken, mister.
00:34:51Okay, listen.
00:34:52Um, I need to settle the bill.
00:34:53Can I call you right back?
00:34:54Fine.
00:34:54Right back.
00:34:55Well, I don't want to have a team.
00:34:59Bravo, bravo.
00:35:01So, I was thinking you should go to my masseuse.
00:35:04His name is Earl.
00:35:05He's amazing.
00:35:06And you get a happy ending at the end.
00:35:08And it's so unbelievable.
00:35:09He's gay.
00:35:10But he really gives it to you really good.
00:35:12So, it's not like my commitment thing.
00:35:14So, you can do whatever you want.
00:35:16Oh, let's ask around in here.
00:35:18I'm not going in there.
00:35:19This is exactly the kind of place Kurtzman would go.
00:35:22Ew.
00:35:24Fine.
00:35:24We'll go to a church and ask around.
00:35:27Ugh.
00:35:33Oh, dear.
00:35:34I need more flyers.
00:35:38It's okay.
00:35:38It's just like being at a locker room.
00:35:40At a hooker's triathlon.
00:35:42Have a seat.
00:35:43I'll go ask if anybody's seen me.
00:35:44Don't touch anything.
00:35:45This place is an STD factory.
00:35:47I'll go ask if anybody's seen me.
00:35:53Hmm.
00:35:54Those fantasies of mine.
00:35:57I love to make them reality.
00:36:01Ooh.
00:36:01I'll chop it out.
00:36:03You're my lover touch.
00:36:06My sugar calm.
00:36:08The special man.
00:36:10You can come tonight.
00:36:13It's my lover touch.
00:36:15My heart to punch.
00:36:17I can't hear your mouth.
00:36:20Feel so right.
00:36:23I must confess.
00:36:24I'm not just always who I appear to be.
00:36:28Natalie.
00:36:28Natalie?
00:36:30Natalie?
00:36:34I want you all to know that I'm right here with you.
00:36:38And I'm right there for you.
00:36:39And just keep down.
00:36:40Priscilla, over here.
00:36:41No!
00:36:42No!
00:36:42No!
00:36:43No!
00:36:43No!
00:36:44No!
00:36:44No!
00:36:45No!
00:36:45No!
00:36:46No!
00:36:46No!
00:36:47No!
00:36:47No!
00:36:48No!
00:36:49I think you're the wrong person.
00:36:50I think there's a misunderstanding.
00:36:52You're not the right person.
00:36:55Relax.
00:36:55Oh
00:37:25Oh
00:37:52Here comes the winners Nitzel
00:37:55I'm so worth the 20 bucks
00:38:02You know it stud
00:38:11They are treating you like a piece of meat
00:38:13A sex object
00:38:14Hey I can't blame them if they have good taste
00:38:17Natalie they're not complimenting you
00:38:19Don't you realize that's something men do
00:38:21To intimidate and oppress women
00:38:22Wow I never thought about it like that
00:38:24I do feel oppressed particularly by the one with the cute ass
00:38:27Oh congratulations
00:38:28You've just sent women back 40 years
00:38:31God I have spent the whole day trying to help you
00:38:33Help me
00:38:34My entire future is on the line
00:38:36And all you want to do is pay some guy to put his
00:38:38Dingle in my face and laugh at me
00:38:41I wasn't laughing at you
00:38:42But if you want to stand here and feel oppressed and angry
00:38:45Go ahead
00:38:46I'm gonna have some fun
00:38:47Fine
00:38:47Fine
00:38:48There he is
00:38:59Saturday night Detroit 630
00:39:00Mr. Kurtz my chicks go crazy
00:39:03That was great ladies
00:39:12About 35 years ago
00:39:15I'm gonna watch some porno to erase that from my brain
00:39:19I suggest you do the same
00:39:20Hi snoodle bums it's me
00:39:26Keep getting your voicemail
00:39:28Well I miss you
00:39:32Call me when you get this
00:39:34Bye
00:39:35Hello
00:39:44Mom
00:39:45Hi it's me
00:39:46Harold pick up it's Priscilla
00:39:49What?
00:39:50Priscilla
00:39:51Priscilla
00:39:52Sweetheart
00:39:53How's my baby?
00:39:55I'm great
00:39:55I'm really great
00:39:56Listen I have kind of a weird question
00:39:59Tell me you didn't have sexual intercourse
00:40:01Of course she didn't have sexual intercourse
00:40:04No guys I didn't have sexual intercourse
00:40:06I just kind of have a
00:40:10I don't know
00:40:12What would happen if I didn't have a scholarship?
00:40:16Well if you didn't have the scholarship
00:40:17You could come back home
00:40:19Get your old job back
00:40:20And study right here
00:40:21At Richdale Agricultural College
00:40:23We could reinstate our Saturday night movie club
00:40:26There's nothing wrong is there?
00:40:28No
00:40:28No nothing's wrong
00:40:30Nothing's wrong
00:40:31But listen I gotta go
00:40:33I have a study group to go to
00:40:35I love you guys
00:40:36We love you too
00:40:37Don't let us down sweetie
00:40:38Hi
00:40:55Have you been crying?
00:41:01No
00:41:02I don't cry
00:41:03You don't cry
00:41:04What is that like
00:41:05Some kind of rule?
00:41:07My parents are gonna disown me
00:41:09And after years of abstinence
00:41:12I'm gonna be labeled a slut
00:41:15Maybe this is a good thing
00:41:18Being branded a slut is a good thing?
00:41:21No
00:41:21A new beginning
00:41:22A fresh start
00:41:23A change
00:41:25Here
00:41:27Chocolate fixes everything
00:41:31I got it from Chuck and Kevin
00:41:34Really good
00:41:45Don't worry
00:41:47We will find Kurtzman
00:41:49What if he won't give us the video?
00:41:52Then I'll turn his life into a living hell
00:41:54And destroy everything he loves
00:41:57And torture him until he begs me to kill him
00:42:00Just to put him out of his misery
00:42:01Did you really do that for me?
00:42:05Of course
00:42:05That's what friends do for each other
00:42:07Yeah
00:42:08I guess really sort of
00:42:10Twisted friends
00:42:12Don't be ridiculous
00:42:17Oh
00:42:19Keep it down
00:42:38Yeah dude
00:42:41Keep it down
00:42:42Keep it down
00:42:43Excuse me
00:43:09To room 396
00:43:13Yes
00:43:13Room 396
00:43:15That would be next to 394
00:43:18And across from 395
00:43:22They usually go in order
00:43:25At least that's been the experience
00:43:27In every hotel I've ever stayed in
00:43:30This one could be different
00:43:34But why?
00:43:40That's the question
00:43:41I'm here for you
00:43:46Thank you
00:43:49You're welcome
00:43:50I'm here for you
00:43:55I'm here for you
00:43:58I'm here for you
00:43:59I'm here for you
00:43:59I'm here for you
00:44:00I'm here for you
00:44:01I'm here for you
00:44:01I'm here for you
00:44:02I'm here for you
00:44:03I'm here for you
00:44:03I'm here for you
00:44:03I'm here for you
00:44:04I'm here for you
00:44:04I'm here for you
00:44:05I'm here for you
00:44:05I'm here for you
00:44:05I'm here for you
00:44:06I'm here for you
00:44:07I'm here for you
00:44:07I don't know.
00:44:37Natalie, do you have to bring that thing to bed with you?
00:44:53Come on. Stop poking me with it.
00:45:01Natalie, if you're not going to throw that thing out, I will.
00:45:07I'll be right back.
00:45:37I'm in love.
00:46:02I'm going to hell.
00:46:03Will you stop saying that?
00:46:04So you gave a guy a handjob.
00:46:06I did not give a guy a handjob.
00:46:09You were yanking on his hard-on.
00:46:10What would you call that?
00:46:12A back rub?
00:46:12I don't even know how this happened.
00:46:15Could I have eaten something?
00:46:18Yeah, the brownies.
00:46:20Unfortunately, Chuck and Kevin procured them from a less than reputable baker.
00:46:26Eat something. You'll feel better.
00:46:28Feel better? I'll feel better?
00:46:31I have been slapped in the face with a doodad, been dosed with illegal substances,
00:46:35and now I just gave a stranger a handjob.
00:46:38Just one more thing, my new life of debauchery,
00:46:40which I can celebrate as I rot in hell since I no longer have a scholarship
00:46:44because I have a porn video out.
00:46:47Oh, Mary Margaret, forgive me.
00:46:48Shut up.
00:46:49Me shut up. You shut up.
00:46:51No, shut up. There he is.
00:46:52Go crazy.
00:46:53Oh, my God.
00:46:54This is it. What do I say?
00:46:56You've never been at a loss for words before, have you?
00:46:58No.
00:46:59You know exactly what to say.
00:47:02I do.
00:47:03Yes. Now go. We're right behind you.
00:47:05Okay.
00:47:08The emotional, sexual, and psychological stereotyping of women
00:47:12begins the moment the doctor says it's a girl.
00:47:14That's not fair.
00:47:16You know, men can take their shirts off.
00:47:18They can go for a swim.
00:47:19They can wash their car.
00:47:20They can play volleyball.
00:47:21But you get two women who take their tops off
00:47:23and want to play volleyball, people lose their minds.
00:47:25It's just titties.
00:47:32Everybody's got their titties.
00:47:33What's the big deal?
00:47:34In Europe, they laugh at us.
00:47:35They say, what's wrong with it?
00:47:36It's just titties.
00:47:36They say, it's just titties.
00:47:38What is the problem?
00:47:39It's just titties.
00:47:42What's wrong with this culture?
00:47:43It's ridiculous.
00:47:44You know, you two should make out.
00:47:46You guys want to see them make out?
00:47:47Yeah.
00:47:51Excuse me, Mr. Curseman.
00:47:53I am a young woman who's been horribly wrong.
00:47:55Well, if you got it on tape, don't edit it yourself.
00:47:57Send it over to the office.
00:47:58And if we use it, I'll give you a free t-shirt.
00:48:00You filmed me a couple nights ago at Pennington College?
00:48:03Uh, open up your coat, take your top off.
00:48:05Maybe they'll bring back a memory.
00:48:06No, please, please.
00:48:08I really need the footage that you shot of me.
00:48:10My entire future depends on this.
00:48:13Look, if I had a dollar for every girl who said that, I'd be rich.
00:48:16Then again, I am rich, so I guess I'd be richer.
00:48:18Mr. Curseman, Miss White did not sign a release form,
00:48:21so we have the grounds to take legal action against you.
00:48:23Are you a lawyer?
00:48:24I'm pre-law, although I'm thinking about switching to art history.
00:48:27Hey, have you been to the Galerie de Beaux-Arts in Paris?
00:48:30It's beautiful.
00:48:31A semester overseas.
00:48:32You should think about it.
00:48:33Oh, that sounds terrific.
00:48:34Try to say a point here, Kevin.
00:48:36Oh.
00:48:36Um, was your corporation founded on tribal Indian land by any chance?
00:48:41Uh, no.
00:48:41Look, what difference does it make?
00:48:44You have lots of videos of lots of girls.
00:48:47Yes, I do.
00:48:48Some people will call it an empire.
00:48:50Look, you got nothing to be ashamed of.
00:48:52Be proud of the body God gave you.
00:48:54You know, 20 years from now, you'll be able to show your kids how hot you once were.
00:48:57All right?
00:48:58It's just titties, right?
00:48:59Chuck followed him.
00:49:06You mean follow that asshole day while hot chicks lash their tits at him?
00:49:09Yes.
00:49:09I can do that.
00:49:10These girls look fantastic.
00:49:13Look, I love the beads.
00:49:14It's working off the shoulder.
00:49:15Nice.
00:49:16Little bra straps showing.
00:49:17Beautiful girls.
00:49:18What about you making out for us?
00:49:20But chicks go crazy.
00:49:22Just a little bit.
00:49:23Come on.
00:49:24Oh!
00:49:25Oh!
00:49:27Oh!
00:49:28Oh!
00:49:28Oh!
00:49:30Oh!
00:49:30Oh!
00:49:30Oh!
00:49:30Oh!
00:49:30Oh!
00:49:31Oh!
00:49:31Oh!
00:49:31Oh!
00:49:31Oh!
00:49:32Oh!
00:49:33Oh!
00:49:33Oh!
00:49:34Oh!
00:49:34Oh!
00:49:35Oh!
00:49:35Oh!
00:49:36Oh!
00:49:36Oh!
00:49:37Oh!
00:49:37Oh!
00:49:38Oh!
00:49:38Oh!
00:49:39Oh!
00:49:39Oh!
00:49:40Oh!
00:49:41Oh!
00:49:42Oh!
00:49:42Wow!
00:49:43Look at that!
00:49:43That's amazing!
00:49:44That's crazy!
00:49:45That's crazy!
00:49:46Oh!
00:49:47Oh!
00:49:48Oh!
00:49:49Oh!
00:49:50Oh!
00:49:51Oh!
00:49:52Oh!
00:49:53Oh!
00:49:54Oh!
00:49:55Oh!
00:49:56Oh!
00:49:57Oh!
00:49:58Oh!
00:49:59Oh!
00:50:00Oh!
00:50:01Oh!
00:50:02Oh!
00:50:03Oh!
00:50:04Oh!
00:50:05Oh!
00:50:06Oh!
00:50:07Oh!
00:50:08Oh!
00:50:09Oh!
00:50:10No more boobs. No more boobs.
00:50:15I never want to see another pair of boobs in my entire life.
00:50:20I must have seen a thousand boobs today.
00:50:22Well, like a thousand individual boobs or like a thousand pairs of boobs?
00:50:26I'm just trying to clarify.
00:50:28What about Kurtzman?
00:50:28That's the good news.
00:50:30While he's off shooting, he keeps his bus in a parking lot four blocks away.
00:50:34I think your footage is inside.
00:50:35Yes, I could kiss you!
00:50:37If I didn't have a boyfriend, I mean...
00:50:42You know, Brad.
00:50:44Okay, come on, let's go.
00:50:47Oh, one more thing, Chuck.
00:50:51That was fun.
00:50:55Let's find it and get out of here.
00:50:59I do not want to get arrested.
00:51:03Do you want guys jerking off to you?
00:51:05Or do a little break in an entering.
00:51:08These are my choices?
00:51:09Yes.
00:51:14Let's go.
00:51:18Of course, what was I thinking?
00:51:20Oh, check out these special editions.
00:51:39Midgets at Mardi Gras?
00:51:41Church girls are easy.
00:51:43Amazing Amish ass?
00:51:45Nasty nuns kick their habits?
00:51:49Is that Eileen?
00:51:51Oh, check it out.
00:51:52Kurtzman procreated.
00:51:55Girls with squirrels?
00:51:57How does that even work?
00:51:59Nursing home home.
00:52:01So let me get this straight.
00:52:02You didn't like any of those chicks back there?
00:52:04There's one girl, she had this little highlight in her hair.
00:52:06It was kind of cute.
00:52:08Highlight in her hair?
00:52:10I'm talking about the tits.
00:52:11You didn't like any of those tits?
00:52:12We see tits every day, you know.
00:52:14They sort of blend together.
00:52:16You know, maybe you'd like it if we were videotaping guys.
00:52:19Oh, yeah.
00:52:20Maybe you could start that side of the business.
00:52:21We can do Guys Go Crazy.
00:52:23Awesome.
00:52:23That way you could videotape dicks all you want.
00:52:26I love them.
00:52:26I love them.
00:52:27Because you love dick.
00:52:28I love dick.
00:52:29Dicks go crazy.
00:52:30You'd like that, wouldn't you?
00:52:32Hey, you left the door open, you fucktard.
00:52:34Run!
00:52:38Run!
00:52:41Get him!
00:52:43Oh, no!
00:52:46Don't do it tonight!
00:52:48Oh, God, I have to.
00:52:49Hi.
00:52:50What are you doing?
00:52:51Uh-huh.
00:52:52Are you panting?
00:52:53Oh, God, I got it!
00:52:57Oh, my God!
00:52:58What the hell is going on over there?
00:53:00I have to go!
00:53:01Kevin, I will destroy you.
00:53:15Kevin?
00:53:17Kevin?
00:53:24I just wanted to talk.
00:53:31Brad?
00:53:48Brad?
00:53:50Oh, my God!
00:53:52Brad!
00:53:53Brad!
00:53:56Wait!
00:53:57Where'd he go?
00:54:03Brad!
00:54:15Priscilla!
00:54:16Brad?
00:54:19Mary Margaret?
00:54:21Priscilla, sweetheart, it's not what it looks like.
00:54:24I can explain.
00:54:25You're my mentor.
00:54:27I've based my whole life on you.
00:54:29It's not like you really thought I was some innocent little virgin.
00:54:33Oh, my God.
00:54:35What's happening?
00:54:37Oh, my God.
00:54:39You did.
00:54:46Well, um, good luck with the whole virgin thing.
00:54:51Oh, God.
00:54:54Priscilla, wait!
00:54:55Oh, you're still inside me.
00:54:58Uh-huh.
00:55:03I mean, Hurricane Flea is the biggest one you've got.
00:55:08My boyfriend.
00:55:09He's cheating on me right now.
00:55:11In the alley with Mary Margaret.
00:55:13He's my role model.
00:55:14Well, he used to be my role model.
00:55:16Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:55:23You gonna pay for that?
00:55:28Um, well, listen, take this.
00:55:32I don't need it anymore.
00:55:33Priscilla, this is my fifth message.
00:55:37Listen, we lost Kurtzman.
00:55:39Um, where are you?
00:55:40Call me.
00:55:41Any luck?
00:55:43No, her phone's turned off.
00:55:45What should I do?
00:55:46I start calling jails or hospitals or chastity convention.
00:55:49They're probably on their way back right now, dude.
00:55:51Just sit tight.
00:55:52What the hell happened to you?
00:56:21They lied to me.
00:56:22Who?
00:56:23Brad, Mary Margaret.
00:56:25All this time, they were having sex behind my back.
00:56:28Crazy, sweaty, wanton, alley sex.
00:56:32Everything Mary Margaret stands for is a lie.
00:56:35Which means can't hurry.
00:56:36Love is a lie.
00:56:37Which means I'm a joke.
00:56:40I can't believe I was saving myself for him.
00:56:48Let's do it.
00:56:49Right now.
00:56:51Priscilla, what are you doing?
00:56:57I, um...
00:56:58Just hold on a second.
00:57:00What do you mean, wait a second?
00:57:02I thought you had the F, the C, the K, and all you needed was the U.
00:57:06I mean, the me.
00:57:07I would love to.
00:57:10I would love to.
00:57:11I would love to.
00:57:15Trust me.
00:57:18I would love to.
00:57:20Not like this.
00:57:22You're drunk, and you're upset, and...
00:57:24I don't want to be a part of something you're going to regret.
00:57:29You're refusing?
00:57:33I'm sorry, but...
00:57:36Yes.
00:57:38Fine.
00:57:39There are a million horny guys out there who are just dying to do it.
00:57:44And if you won't do it, I'll find someone who will.
00:57:47Just calm down a second.
00:57:48Um, Made in Manhattan is coming on in a few minutes, and...
00:57:51Screw Made in Manhattan.
00:57:52I'm a virgin in Detroit, and I'm going to get laid.
00:58:00Priscilla, wait!
00:58:04Have you seen Priscilla?
00:58:05We got separated, and I can't find her.
00:58:07She's hammered, and she's going out to have sex with the very first guy that she sees.
00:58:11What?
00:58:12Something about her boyfriend having sex with Mary Margaret.
00:58:15Wow.
00:58:16Well, now we know what Mary Margaret would do.
00:58:18And did.
00:58:19Come on, we have to fight.
00:58:20No, no, you stay here in case she comes back.
00:58:22Because she needs me.
00:58:23This is a girl thing.
00:58:25You don't want to be a part of this.
00:58:26Believe me.
00:58:28I'm about to go out there and stop someone from having sex.
00:58:31I swear to God, if you tell anybody about this, I will kill you.
00:58:35I swear to God.
00:58:37Cigarette?
00:59:02It's not my usual brand.
00:59:07I know just what you're thinking, and the answer is yes.
00:59:13Then it is a Calvin Klein top.
00:59:16My friend here thought it was Philip Lim.
00:59:18But girl, I know Calvin Klein when I see it.
00:59:21Tres chic.
00:59:22Look, all I want is one night of sex.
00:59:37No names, no questions, no commitments.
00:59:39Just you and me, raw, hot, sweaty, sex.
00:59:42Are you in?
00:59:44Yeah, baby.
00:59:44Great, let's go.
00:59:50Who the hell do I have to screw to get laid around here?
00:59:53What's that?
01:00:04Leave me alone.
01:00:06You can't do this.
01:00:08Why not?
01:00:09Because it's wrong.
01:00:10You're upset.
01:00:11You're not thinking straight.
01:00:12You are such a hypocrite.
01:00:14I'm a hypocrite?
01:00:16Okay, what about your sacred pledge?
01:00:17I wish I never even took that pledge.
01:00:20I'm making my own decisions.
01:00:22No, you're not.
01:00:22You're reacting.
01:00:23That's not the same thing.
01:00:24I'm a doer now.
01:00:26I do, and I plan.
01:00:28Unlike some people whose biggest goal in life
01:00:30is to keep stocked up on condoms and vibrator batteries.
01:00:34I have a plan.
01:00:36Excuse me?
01:00:37I have a plan.
01:00:39Oh, really?
01:00:39Well, this I got to hear.
01:00:43That's what I thought.
01:00:47I want to be a photographer.
01:00:49For what?
01:00:49Penthouse?
01:00:58I'm sorry.
01:01:00Whatever.
01:01:07This isn't me.
01:01:09All I'm saying is take your time.
01:01:14Think about what you really want.
01:01:17And if you want to fuck every guy in this city,
01:01:21I'll support you.
01:01:24Hell, I'll even join you.
01:01:28But if you decide you want to be a virgin the rest of your life,
01:01:31that is okay, too.
01:01:33Make sure it's your choice.
01:01:34Not your parents' choice.
01:01:36Not my choice.
01:01:37Not Mary Margaret's choice.
01:01:41Your choice.
01:01:50Okay.
01:01:50Come on.
01:01:52Let's go.
01:01:53If she loses her scholarship and goes home, I lose her.
01:01:58I lose her before I even got her.
01:01:59Why did you choke?
01:02:01I have my reasons.
01:02:04Hi, guys.
01:02:05Please tell me you didn't have the sweaty alley sex.
01:02:07She's still her virginal self.
01:02:08I am not going to let that little man ruin my life.
01:02:13Oktoberfest ends tonight.
01:02:14Kurtzman's off to Miami first thing.
01:02:16It's over.
01:02:17Are you telling me you're just going to give up?
01:02:19Are you telling me after everything we've been through,
01:02:22you're just going to give up?
01:02:23Is that what you're fucking telling me?
01:02:24Did she just say fuck?
01:02:25I swear she just said fuck.
01:02:27Fuck!
01:02:28Fuck!
01:02:28Fuck!
01:02:29Fuck!
01:02:29Fuck!
01:02:30Fuck!
01:02:31Oh, my God.
01:02:32Our little girl is all grown up.
01:02:34Hold on.
01:02:35We do know where he is right now.
01:02:37They're going for the world record tonight at midnight.
01:02:39Biggest titty flash in history.
01:02:41Oh, my gosh.
01:02:42Let's get that motherfucker.
01:02:43I said it again.
01:02:44The Chicks Go Crazy Blast Fest is about to say it!
01:02:57Oh, my God!
01:03:00Chicks go safe!
01:03:02Chicks go safe!
01:03:03Chicks go safe!
01:03:05Chicks go safe!
01:03:06Chicks go safe!
01:03:08Chicks go safe!
01:03:09Chicks go safe!
01:03:11Okay, guys.
01:03:13Last chance.
01:03:14Hold on.
01:03:16It might help to make you a little more approachable.
01:03:22What are you doing?
01:03:24Hold on.
01:03:26Now rub your lips together.
01:03:29Good.
01:03:34Okay, Natalie.
01:03:36Chill.
01:03:41I love you.
01:03:42I love you.
01:03:45Don't answer.
01:03:47I love you.
01:03:49Hey, sweetie.
01:03:50Kevin, one day when you least expect it, I'm going to bite off that little penis of yours.
01:03:55You won't know when.
01:03:57You won't know where.
01:03:58But it's going to happen, bitch.
01:03:59No, no, no.
01:03:59Hold it right there.
01:04:01Listen.
01:04:01I take your calls.
01:04:03I take your shit.
01:04:03I go to Dr. Sharon with you.
01:04:05I'm fucking cured.
01:04:06You know what?
01:04:07I am codependent.
01:04:08No more.
01:04:09It's over, Eileen.
01:04:10It's over.
01:04:11Oh, yeah.
01:04:19Chuck?
01:04:20Becca.
01:04:21Thanks so much for coming.
01:04:23Becca.
01:04:24Becca?
01:04:24This is Priscilla, the girl I was telling you about.
01:04:27Let's do this.
01:04:30VIP?
01:04:34Chicks go safe.
01:04:36Chicks go safe.
01:04:38Chicks go safe.
01:04:38We ain't going to flash no jiggle bitties.
01:04:40And to my main man, Ed Kurtzman, comes out to see y'all.
01:04:45Ain't y'all hate me the reason why y'all came out here tonight?
01:04:47You can do this.
01:04:56You've come a long way.
01:05:01Okay.
01:05:04So just give me a second, okay?
01:05:05Okay.
01:05:09Hand sanitizer, please.
01:05:11Come on.
01:05:13Hand sanitizer.
01:05:14Sorry.
01:05:14How many times are you going to say it?
01:05:18I don't want to touch those freaks out there.
01:05:21Mr. Kurtzman.
01:05:28I know you believe in women's freedom.
01:05:30You said it yourself.
01:05:32We need to be in control of our destinies.
01:05:34So let me control mine.
01:05:37Please give me that disc so that I can keep my scholarship and get an education.
01:05:42Let me go into the future unencumbered and achieve my dreams.
01:05:45Wow.
01:05:50It's a nice speech.
01:05:52Seriously.
01:05:53I might borrow it sometime.
01:05:55Unencumbered.
01:05:55I like that word.
01:05:57But you're wasting your time.
01:05:58But you're not going to get it.
01:05:59We're going to break a world record tonight in Detroit.
01:06:03Give it up!
01:06:0630 seconds, Mr. Griffin.
01:06:07Okay, wait.
01:06:09Look.
01:06:09I know I screwed up.
01:06:10Okay?
01:06:12But you better.
01:06:16Hey, sweetheart.
01:06:18What are you doing here?
01:06:20Dad.
01:06:20Priscilla made a mistake.
01:06:22You're going to do the right thing, right?
01:06:24You shouldn't be here.
01:06:25This isn't a place for you.
01:06:27You're taking advantage of these girls.
01:06:29It's not okay.
01:06:30I'm not making these girls do anything they don't want to do.
01:06:33They're losers.
01:06:34They have no self-respect.
01:06:36Listen to me.
01:06:37Um, excuse me, Mr. Kurtzman, I...
01:06:39Zip it, bitch.
01:06:41Whoa.
01:06:42Don't talk to her like that.
01:06:44Becca, listen to me.
01:06:45I'm not going to listen to you.
01:06:45Hey.
01:06:47I'm your father.
01:06:49You're going to go back to your dorm right now.
01:06:51And this is going to be the end of it.
01:06:52We're not going to talk about it again.
01:06:53And don't you ever come back to one of these shows.
01:06:55Look, I know I screwed up.
01:06:57Okay?
01:06:58But what if this happened to her?
01:07:00She was raised better than that.
01:07:02She doesn't show her titties for a free t-shirt.
01:07:05Oh.
01:07:06Whoa.
01:07:09Becca.
01:07:11Becca.
01:07:13Becca.
01:07:14You little bitch.
01:07:25I'm going to take those videos.
01:07:28And this time tomorrow, they're going to be all over the world.
01:07:33Young teenage boys are going to wake up in the morning.
01:07:36They're going to see your boobies.
01:07:38Uh-huh.
01:07:38Little boys in Taiwan are going to be looking at them.
01:07:42And they're going to be doing this to it.
01:07:44Oh.
01:07:44They're going to use you as their screensaver.
01:07:52This whole time, I've been feeling sorry for myself.
01:07:57But I feel sorry for you.
01:07:59Ed Kirchman going on in five, four, three, two.
01:08:06Give it up for Bobby Ed Kirchman.
01:08:10I'd love to talk about this more with you.
01:08:14I would.
01:08:15Maybe over tea sometime.
01:08:17But I've got a room full of skanks and sluts out there who are dying to show their tits and ass.
01:08:22And they're going to be happy to do it.
01:08:24To make me rich.
01:08:26So some pimply, dumb loser guys can buy these videos.
01:08:31Because they can't get laid.
01:08:33You're going to be famous.
01:08:35I'm going to see to it.
01:08:37Get her out of here, Stavros.
01:08:39Jesus, what kind of security are you anyway?
01:08:41I fucking pay you, asshole.
01:08:52That's what I'm talking about.
01:08:54Are we ready to set a world record tonight or what?
01:09:04Are we ready to show the world what we do best?
01:09:08Oh, come on.
01:09:10Tonight we're going to break a world record.
01:09:14Chic's go crazy.
01:09:16Woohoo!
01:09:17Yeah!
01:09:18That's my girl.
01:09:19Chicks go crazy.
01:09:29Well, now you don't want to show your tits?
01:09:31But they're not going to get a t-shirt.
01:09:33Don't you want to be famous?
01:09:35Chicks go crazy.
01:09:39Crazy.
01:09:40Chicks.
01:09:41Loser.
01:09:42You're the chicks.
01:09:42You're supposed to go crazy.
01:09:44All right.
01:09:44No t-shirts.
01:09:45That's it.
01:09:45You suck.
01:09:46Your tits are probably fake anyway.
01:09:48I don't need you, and I don't need any of your tits.
01:09:52I've got enough tits.
01:09:54Chicks go crazy.
01:09:55Chicks go crazy.
01:09:57Chicks go crazy.
01:09:58Thanks anyway.
01:09:59Chicks go crazy.
01:10:00Chicks go crazy.
01:10:02Chicks go crazy.
01:10:03All right.
01:10:03I take it back.
01:10:05Okay, you heard what I said.
01:10:06I take it back.
01:10:06You're not all skanks.
01:10:08Just that one.
01:10:09Hey, come on.
01:10:10Whoa.
01:10:11Wait.
01:10:12Hey, Rudy.
01:10:13Rudy.
01:10:13Chicks go crazy.
01:10:14Shit.
01:10:15Hey, Rudy.
01:10:16Chicks go crazy.
01:10:17What did I say?
01:10:19Rudy.
01:10:20Security.
01:10:20Stop, Rose.
01:10:21What's happening?
01:10:22What did I say?
01:10:23What did I do?
01:10:24Hey, wait.
01:10:25Whose hand is that?
01:10:27Dad, oh.
01:10:28Those are my pants.
01:10:29Whoa.
01:10:30Hey.
01:10:31Good Lord.
01:10:31That's my balls.
01:10:33Hey.
01:10:34Rudy, do something.
01:10:36I am.
01:10:36What?
01:10:37Getting a great shot.
01:10:38Ed Kirksman exposed.
01:10:43This DVD is going to make me so rich.
01:10:45Now your finger get it out.
01:10:50Ow.
01:10:51That's my balls.
01:10:53Ow.
01:10:54No touching.
01:10:55Ah.
01:11:00Is the student union job enough to pay for tuition and expenses?
01:11:05It will be, along with student loans.
01:11:08The paperwork should arrive today.
01:11:09But if Can't Hurry Love doesn't hear about the DVD...
01:11:11I've already resigned from Can't Hurry Love.
01:11:15Really?
01:11:16Even if I hadn't been caught on video.
01:11:19I hope to do something else fairly soon that would get me kicked out.
01:11:24Go flirt with him.
01:11:27Wish me luck.
01:11:32Flirt.
01:11:32Hi.
01:11:39Hey.
01:11:41Later, guys.
01:11:47Was I interrupting?
01:11:48No.
01:11:49He has therapy.
01:11:50Not with.
01:11:51They're trying to work on creating a solid foundation for a working friendship.
01:11:56Oh, dear.
01:11:57Indeed.
01:11:57Indeed.
01:11:57Indeed.
01:11:57Indeed.
01:11:58So, do you regret it, that night in the hotel room?
01:12:08Only every single second since then.
01:12:12Seriously?
01:12:14Yes and no.
01:12:16I mean, yeah, it probably would have been the greatest night of my entire life.
01:12:20The truth is, if I had to do it all over again, I'd probably do the same exact thing.
01:12:29But...
01:12:30Look, guys in college, we act like we have all this experience.
01:12:34But not all of us have, you know, um, I mean...
01:12:41You're a virgin.
01:12:48Oh, my God.
01:12:50This is so great.
01:12:52You're a virgin.
01:12:53I'm a virgin.
01:12:54We're both virgins.
01:12:56Say it a little louder.
01:12:57Make sure the entire school heard you.
01:12:59Wow.
01:13:26Wow.
01:13:29Hi.
01:13:42Catch.
01:13:44Ooh.
01:13:50What's that?
01:13:51I don't know.
01:13:53There's a note.
01:13:53Dear Cinderella, you may remember me from room 369.
01:14:00I hope it's not terrible of me to say I will always remember you.
01:14:04I think this is yours.
01:14:06Best of luck in all your future endeavors.
01:14:09Rudy, Kurtzman's cameraman.
01:14:16Well, what are you waiting for?
01:14:18Yeah.
01:14:19Yeah.
01:14:21Okay.
01:14:28Here we go.
01:14:36You ready?
01:14:37Yeah.
01:14:37Yeah.
01:14:38Those aren't mine.
01:15:02Those aren't yours.
01:15:05Oh, my God.
01:15:11It wasn't me.
01:15:13This whole time, it hasn't been me.
01:15:15I just want to remind you that sex is a beautiful thing.
01:15:25It's something, frankly, you should do all the time.
01:15:27Exactly.
01:15:28Except for with certain people you just broke up with.
01:15:31Although those people haven't been getting much lately, so they wouldn't mind the occasional trip down memory lane.
01:15:37Which other people would remind them is a very bad idea.
01:15:41The point is, sometimes depraved lust is a good thing.
01:15:45Now, this is a condom.
01:15:46This one is grape flavored, and this one glows in the dark.
01:15:49Actually, I might keep that one for myself.
01:15:52That's...
01:15:52Sorry.
01:15:53You take that.
01:15:57Okay.
01:15:59Here we go.
01:15:59Oh, wow.
01:16:11This is so beautiful.
01:16:14My figure seems it's a special occasion, I know.
01:16:19Okay, wait, wait, wait.
01:16:21I've been waiting for the right moment my entire life.
01:16:25And...
01:16:26And?
01:16:27This is it.
01:16:30How about you?
01:16:31I've been waiting for the right girl.
01:16:34And I'm pretty sure it's you.
01:16:39Okay, I'm absolutely sure it's you.
01:16:53Hey, you look great.
01:16:57Remind me why I have to wear this ridiculous outfit tomorrow.
01:17:00Because you're graduating, baby.
01:17:08You think you're ready?
01:17:12I was born ready.
01:17:13Kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss me, baby.
01:17:18Kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss me, baby.
01:17:21Kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss me, baby.
01:17:25It really does glow in the dark.
01:17:42Oh.
01:17:43Oh my.
01:17:44Oh my god.
01:17:45Oh my god.
01:17:47Oh my god.
01:17:48Oh my god.
01:17:49Oh my god.
01:17:52I wonder what Mary Margaret would say now.
01:17:54Oh my god.
01:17:55Oh my god.
01:18:25Oh my god.
01:18:55Oh my god.
01:18:59Oh my god.
01:19:00Oh my god.
01:19:02Oh my god.
01:19:04Oh my god.
01:19:06Oh my god.
01:19:08Oh my god.
01:19:10Oh my god.
01:19:12Oh my god.
01:19:14Oh my god.
01:19:16Oh my god.
01:19:18Oh my god.
01:19:20Oh my god.
01:19:22Oh my god.
01:19:24Oh my god.
01:19:26Oh my god.
01:19:28Oh my god.
01:19:30Oh my god.
01:19:32Oh my god.
01:19:34Oh my god.
01:19:36Oh my god.
01:19:38Oh my god.
01:19:40Oh my god.
01:19:41Oh my god.
01:19:43Oh my god.
01:19:45Oh my god.
01:19:47Oh my god.
01:19:49Oh my god.
01:19:51Oh my god.
01:19:52Oh my god.
01:19:54Oh my god.
01:19:55Oh my god.
01:19:57Oh my god.
01:19:58Oh my god.
01:19:59Oh my god.
01:20:01Oh my god.
01:20:03Oh my god.
01:20:04Oh my god.
01:20:05Oh my god.
01:20:06Oh my god.
01:20:07Oh my god.
01:20:08Oh my why.
01:20:09Oh my god.
01:20:10I don't know what's going on for me.
01:20:11Oh my god.
01:20:11So give me a line, give me hope, give me grief, give me you
01:20:28The whole world back
01:20:30Standing alone on my tiptoes waiting
01:20:34It doesn't hold on for a lifetime, does it?
01:20:38Can you break me? Can you fake me?
01:20:41Either way is possible, so she stood and turned off the right
01:20:45She took the wrong, she took the wrong way out
01:20:49Can you break me? Can you fake me?
01:20:55Either way is possible, so she stood and turned off the right
01:20:59She took the wrong, she took the wrong way out
01:21:08She's at the wrong way out
01:21:14She's at the wrong way out
01:21:21She's at the wrong way out
01:21:38She's at the wrong way out
01:22:08Take a breath, the moment's gone
01:22:14Now we're setting back the clocks
01:22:19We knew you'd never stop
01:22:22With the flash it all came back
01:22:28When I heard that song again
01:22:33And your voice in it was static
01:22:36I'm a filtered glow
01:22:39Coming through
01:22:42My radio
01:22:46So good at keeping up appearances
01:23:06I know you wanted to explore
01:23:11But there was nowhere left to go
01:23:15And you could move like you were floating
01:23:20We could see it all back then
01:23:25I can always see you now
01:23:29I feel a filtered glow
01:23:31Coming through
01:23:34My radio
01:23:38It feels like it did before
01:23:45When time was always on our side
01:23:52Remember the days that we were friends
01:23:57Turn it on and down again
01:24:00Ed Kutzman's tit shot
01:24:05The varieties of the female breast
01:24:07Pointers
01:24:09Balloons
01:24:11Under chinners
01:24:12Grapefruits
01:24:14Cupcakes
01:24:15Pears
01:24:17Flapjacks
01:24:19Hot water bottles
01:24:21Sweet potatoes
01:24:23Has-beens
01:24:24Oranges
01:24:26Mailbags
01:24:27Lemons
01:24:29Watermelons
01:24:31Water wings
01:24:33Coat hooks
01:24:35Blockbusters
01:24:37Cucumbers
01:24:39Alright ladies
01:24:41Let's see some titties
01:24:42Woo!
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