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Ex-OnlyFans Model Gets Brutally Honest With Lecrae
Lecrae, Lecrae Interview, Lecrae Podcast
#Lecrae
Lecrae, Lecrae Interview, Lecrae Podcast
#Lecrae
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FunTranscript
00:00:00How long were you on OnlyFans?
00:00:01Five years.
00:00:02And how much money do you think you made in total?
00:00:0514 million.
00:00:07My first month on OnlyFans, I made 87 grand.
00:00:10Oh my.
00:00:12Every month was like, how can I top last month?
00:00:15That was my brain.
00:00:17Like, I fed off of that thought.
00:00:19You're a puppet.
00:00:20You're literally a pimped out puppet.
00:00:22And your pimps are your subscribers.
00:00:24Woo!
00:00:25And your conscience is not, like, bothered at all?
00:00:28I'd say it really started getting bothered when my family found out.
00:00:33My mom, like, cut off contact with me.
00:00:35My dad, however, was a very different story.
00:00:37My dad encouraged me to stay on OnlyFans.
00:00:41Time out.
00:00:41Ex-pastor.
00:00:42Hold on.
00:00:43Yup.
00:00:43Wait a minute.
00:00:44Rewind the tape.
00:00:44What?
00:00:45What would you say to either people who are on OnlyFans currently
00:00:50or people who are thinking about it?
00:00:52I'm going to share something really deep that I've never talked about.
00:00:55So, this is The Deep End with LaFrey.
00:01:06All right, ladies and gentlemen, listen.
00:01:08This is The Deep End.
00:01:09So, we go deep.
00:01:11And we want to bring you stories where faith and culture collide.
00:01:14And this is a very interesting story because, as we know, within culture,
00:01:21there's all types of content creators.
00:01:23But some of those content creators are creating content in spaces and places
00:01:28that you dare not go, such as OnlyFans.
00:01:32And we have someone who was a massive OnlyFans content creator making millions of dollars.
00:01:40And then Jesus had a different plan.
00:01:42And we're going to talk about the different plan that Jesus had in the life of Nala Ray.
00:01:48So, welcome.
00:01:49Thank you so much.
00:01:50It's such an honor to meet you.
00:01:52No, man.
00:01:53The honor is mine, man.
00:01:54I was telling you earlier, like, I've heard bits and pieces of, like, your journey.
00:01:58And, you know, the big statement that everybody sees is, like, the OnlyFans statement.
00:02:04But nobody just becomes an OnlyFans content creator.
00:02:09So, there's a story behind that.
00:02:11And I would love to just kind of understand, you know, some of the story behind that.
00:02:16So, what I understand is, like, around 11, your parents divorced.
00:02:20There was a tornado.
00:02:21Like, what happened here?
00:02:22Well, the story, like, really starts building as, like, a younger kid.
00:02:26And, like, more when I'm conscious, you know, and I'm really very well aware of, like, what's going on in my life.
00:02:32And a tornado hit our home when we were in Billings, Missouri.
00:02:36And it completely took everything from us.
00:02:39And that's tragic for a kid to – so, what happened was the tornado knocked over this ginormous, like, 100-year-old tree into our room.
00:02:47Like, I shared a room with my sisters.
00:02:49It was gone.
00:02:50So, like, if we wouldn't have gotten up, we would have been literally dead.
00:02:53Wow.
00:02:53So, really crazy.
00:02:54But we lost everything.
00:02:55Our clothes, our toys, everything was gone, sucked out of the house.
00:03:00And so, we kind of, like, just had to start over from there.
00:03:04We lived in a hotel for, like, 12 weeks.
00:03:07It was really long.
00:03:08Having five children, you know, you're living in a hotel room, all different ages.
00:03:12And I think my parents did the absolute best they could in that horrifying situation.
00:03:17As an adult, you process things different than a kid.
00:03:20You know, so you're dealing with, oh, my gosh, we have children.
00:03:22We have bills to pay.
00:03:23Where are we going to live next?
00:03:24And the kids are like, oh, we get to stay at a hotel for 12 weeks.
00:03:27You know what I'm saying?
00:03:28But we lost everything.
00:03:29It's just really hard to wrap your mind around that.
00:03:32But then, you know, we got back on our feet.
00:03:34We're living in a home again.
00:03:35My parents divorced very shortly after that.
00:03:37So, there was some infidelity there.
00:03:41And that hurt, you know.
00:03:42So, like, you know, you're just saying goodbye to your dad because he left, you know, really, really sucks.
00:03:50And then, like, really not understanding why he left.
00:03:52Because your parents are going to tell you the reason why, especially at a young age.
00:03:56They're just going to say, hey, we're getting a divorce.
00:03:57You don't even know what divorce is.
00:03:59You're like, but you guys said you're going to stay together forever, you know.
00:04:02And then that's just not the case.
00:04:04And so, it's so hard as a kid, I realized, to see your parents as, like, actual people.
00:04:10And I've heard that so many times.
00:04:11But when you reflect on that, you're like, wow.
00:04:14Like, when you're an adult, you just deal with things differently.
00:04:18And when you're a kid, you just expect to be, like, provided for.
00:04:22And, like, everything's just going to be okay, you know.
00:04:24But then my dad was gone for a couple years.
00:04:26And then they remarried.
00:04:28So, he comes back into the family.
00:04:29Okay, wait a minute.
00:04:30Time out.
00:04:30Time out.
00:04:32It's a lot of trauma that you just experienced.
00:04:35Oh, yeah.
00:04:35A tornado at 11 is traumatizing.
00:04:38Yeah.
00:04:38A divorce is traumatizing.
00:04:40Yeah.
00:04:41You're feeling the weight of that, like you're talking about.
00:04:44And then they get back together.
00:04:46Like, two and a half years later, they remarry.
00:04:49Was that, were you seeing evidence of that?
00:04:52Or did it feel like, wait, maybe they're going to get back together or what?
00:04:55So, my dad wasn't living.
00:04:56He was living in Mexico.
00:04:57So, he completely just, like, left, left.
00:05:00It wasn't, like, a couple states away or maybe a couple minutes away.
00:05:03It was like, dude, you're gone, gone.
00:05:04We cannot see you unless we get on a plane to see you.
00:05:07Yeah.
00:05:07So, we went actually one time to go see him in Mexico.
00:05:10And he was just, like, didn't even feel like my dad.
00:05:13It was weird.
00:05:14Like, very different person.
00:05:16Wow.
00:05:16And then shortly after that, my parents continued their communications.
00:05:20It was very rough.
00:05:21Lots of arguing.
00:05:22Lots of fights.
00:05:23My dad decided to move back from Mexico and get, like, a townhome kind of near where we are to start sharing custody with us.
00:05:30And then I guess they fell back in love.
00:05:32I don't know.
00:05:33As a kid, like, you just want your parents to be together no matter what.
00:05:37And the feeling of that was, like, yes, thankfully, you know?
00:05:41Like, because it was just so all, like, uncertain.
00:05:44You know, all the arguing and, like, it just, like, wears on you as a kid.
00:05:48And you're just so unsure.
00:05:49And both of your parents are just really hurt.
00:05:51So, that's really hard to go through.
00:05:53But I was also homeschooled.
00:05:54So, I wasn't going to school with nothing.
00:05:55I was being homeschooled by my mom, who was also going through her own stuff.
00:05:59Yeah.
00:05:59You know, like, depression, and it's so hard to see your mom go through that or any parent go through that.
00:06:04And you just don't even know what's going on.
00:06:06And then all of a sudden, your dad's back in your life and things are looking good.
00:06:10And you're like, okay, I'll take it.
00:06:11I'll take it, you know?
00:06:12So, you're probably, what, around 14, around the time they get back together?
00:06:1514, yeah.
00:06:16So, from, like, 11 to 14, you're, like, what are you feeling?
00:06:22Are you feeling like, man, are you feeling the weight of it?
00:06:25Is it, like, do you feel rebellious or do you feel like I don't care or you just don't know?
00:06:31You know, I just don't know.
00:06:32And it's really hard because when you go through trauma, you really push that back.
00:06:36And as a kid, you don't even know you're going through trauma.
00:06:39But as an adult, you're like, man, I don't even remember how I was really feeling because it was just so much hurt all the time.
00:06:46So, I wish I could reflect back on, like, how I was really feeling, but I can't.
00:06:50I think I've just pushed that so far out.
00:06:52You just pushed it back.
00:06:52Right.
00:06:53Like, I just remember just being confused, you know?
00:06:56Like, that's pretty much it.
00:06:57Well, hey, I love Jesus, but I love therapy, too.
00:07:01So, you know, hopefully some therapy down the line will help you.
00:07:04I'm actually in therapy right now.
00:07:06Come on.
00:07:06So, dealing with other issues, too, just, like, reconnecting with my family.
00:07:10Yeah.
00:07:11You know, that's a really big part of, like, my journey back as, like, the prodigal daughter, I'd say.
00:07:16Yeah.
00:07:17Like, I didn't, like, the reaction I got from my parents wasn't as, like, I expected.
00:07:23Because you read it in the Bible and you're like, this big feast and he comes back and he's adorned by his parents, you know?
00:07:28But that did not happen.
00:07:30Ooh, we're going to go there.
00:07:31Ooh.
00:07:32Let's go there.
00:07:32Let's go there.
00:07:33But before we do, I'm curious, like, your family gets back together and then your dad, does the whole family become a part of the church or just your dad?
00:07:44Yes, whole family.
00:07:45How did that happen?
00:07:45What happened?
00:07:46Oddly enough, like, my parents moved us to Florida from Illinois.
00:07:51Okay.
00:07:51And that, like, my dad was a pastor in Illinois, so before that.
00:07:56He was always a pastor.
00:07:57Not always.
00:07:58Okay.
00:07:58Because, like, after they remarried, that's when they started becoming, like, Christians.
00:08:02So it was like, okay, we started visiting a church there and I was going to a Christian school, like, a really tiny private Christian school.
00:08:09And slowly but surely, like, this ball kept rolling where my dad wanted to be a pastor.
00:08:15And I was like, okay, sounds good.
00:08:18Like, all right.
00:08:19So we're in Illinois.
00:08:20We're like, my dad's a pastor.
00:08:22All of a sudden, we are preacher's kids.
00:08:24And there was, like, three consecutive church splits.
00:08:28Yeah, with my dad being the head pastor.
00:08:31Wow.
00:08:31And you know what's crazy?
00:08:33I never thought about it, like, looking at my dad like it was his fault.
00:08:37Because you're like his kid.
00:08:39You know, you're like, my dad didn't do that.
00:08:41But now, if I get into some crazy stuff for you right now, my dad is actually facing a prison sentence right now.
00:08:49So, ooh, like, it's crazy because now that he is facing that, I look back on everything.
00:08:57Like, my mind just won't stop going over all these details.
00:09:00Like, what's going on?
00:09:01Like, was it really him or was it the people of the church or was it just different beliefs, you know?
00:09:06It's so hard to, like, see that because it's your dad, you know?
00:09:11Yeah.
00:09:11But he was also supposed to be, like, the spiritual leader.
00:09:14Right.
00:09:14You know, so I'm like, when did you fall out of love with Jesus?
00:09:16Or when did you stop fearing God?
00:09:18It's not always about, like, not loving God.
00:09:20It's sometimes just about not fearing him, you know?
00:09:23Because when you fear God, you're stepping away from evil.
00:09:26You know, that's not even in your foresight.
00:09:27So, but yeah.
00:09:29Did you feel inconsistency in the house?
00:09:31Like, did it feel like, like, because you're like, oh, they started following God.
00:09:35Like, did you see them grow?
00:09:37And sometimes, like, I don't know if this is, like, looking back now that you know what it means to be a Christian.
00:09:42When you look back at them, do you feel like they were the model Christians?
00:09:47Or you can see, like, okay, I can see where they needed some growth?
00:09:50That.
00:09:50But I really do see it as a Christian because I was never, like, a Christian Christian.
00:09:56I just felt like everything was being shoved down my throat.
00:09:59And I had to do it because I was the pastor's kid.
00:10:02I had to show up, like, Sunday, Wednesday, Saturday.
00:10:06Like, I just had to be there.
00:10:08And it wasn't, like, my choice.
00:10:09It was like, you know what?
00:10:11You need to show face because you're the pastor's family, you know?
00:10:14And I know my other brothers and sisters feel the exact same way.
00:10:17And even my mom in some ways, I know she feels like that, like, was just kind of, like, forced into this role when she wasn't even healed yet, you know, from all this past trauma.
00:10:27And then you have to step in a role as, like, a shepherd.
00:10:29You're like, how do I even do that, you know?
00:10:32So it's funny because now you set the stage in a lot of ways for, like, what you ended up a part of.
00:10:40And a lot of people just, they look at folks and they say, well, why would they make this decision or why would they do that?
00:10:45And instead of saying, like, why do people do what they do, sometimes you have to say what happened to them.
00:10:50Ooh, yeah.
00:10:51You know what I mean?
00:10:51That's true.
00:10:52And that's how I'm listening at your story now.
00:10:54And I'm like, well, you know, I can see people saying, oh, she was on OnlyFans and such and such.
00:11:01There's such a back story.
00:11:02Yeah.
00:11:03You know, someone doesn't just get on OnlyFans, become a millionaire, and then they're just like, whoop-dee-doo.
00:11:07Like, I just wanted to try it out.
00:11:09Right.
00:11:09No, and I think that's a big misconception right now with people that they, like, there's no way she became a Christian.
00:11:15You know what I'm saying?
00:11:15I'm like, you don't know how broken I was.
00:11:18Man.
00:11:18Let me build the clock for you so I can tell you the time.
00:11:21Because becoming the OnlyFans content creator was not going to fill the void of all of the trauma that you experienced.
00:11:29Oh, preach it, preach it.
00:11:30I had such a void in my soul.
00:11:32Like, not just my heart, but, like, my very being was, like, chipped away, you know, from so much hurt.
00:11:39And don't get me wrong, I was a bad teenager.
00:11:41Like, a bad one.
00:11:41Like, out of five kids, I was the worst.
00:11:43Talk about that.
00:11:44What's happening as a bad teenager look like?
00:11:47So rebellious.
00:11:48So stubborn.
00:11:49Like, very, like, thick-headed.
00:11:52Thought I knew what I wanted.
00:11:54You know, I want to do this, this, and this.
00:11:55I'm going to do this, this, and this.
00:11:56And I don't care what you think.
00:11:57You know what I'm saying?
00:11:58But, like, for me, it really started with me liking boys.
00:12:02And I was, like, hey, like, somebody likes me.
00:12:05I'm not, like, just this ugly duckling, you know, in my family.
00:12:08Because you're isolated.
00:12:09You're homeschooled.
00:12:10So isolated.
00:12:11And you just go to church and you're homeschooled.
00:12:12Like, that's about it.
00:12:13And I got a job when I was, like, 15 because I just wanted to get out of the house so bad.
00:12:17And then I found, like, I was just, like, flirting all the time.
00:12:20And I love the attention.
00:12:22And you know what I realized?
00:12:23Like, once I went through, like, my love languages, I was, like, oh, I love physical touch.
00:12:27Like, and I don't get that at home.
00:12:29No one's saying, you're my sweetheart.
00:12:31I love you.
00:12:32All I see is, like, my mom being depressed.
00:12:34And my dad is, like, not there mentally.
00:12:37You know?
00:12:37So I'm just, like, and then I know my other brothers and sisters went through their own things.
00:12:41But once I kind of really started to figure out, like, what I loved and what made me feel loved,
00:12:46I could see, like, where I wasn't getting that.
00:12:49And that's where therapy comes in.
00:12:51But it's really nice to, like, reflect and kind of build, like, the puzzle piece back.
00:12:57And you're, like, oh, okay.
00:12:58Like, I really understand that better now.
00:13:01You create, in a lot of ways, a false sense of love or security.
00:13:05That's it.
00:13:06And I did that.
00:13:06I know this because I experienced it.
00:13:08You know, coming from a traumatized background, not feeling affirmed in certain ways,
00:13:14you start looking for substitutes to, like, make you feel whole.
00:13:19And I did the exact same thing.
00:13:21So you're a teenager.
00:13:24You're chasing boys and enjoying the attention that boys are giving you.
00:13:30How are mom and dad, do they know about this?
00:13:32Are they finding out?
00:13:33They didn't find out for a while.
00:13:35I'm going to share something really deep that I've never talked about.
00:13:38But I do feel comfortable now after I've, like, kind of gone through therapy.
00:13:41And I'm reading this amazing book called Soul Care, really amazing book.
00:13:46So, but it really explained a lot to me.
00:13:49So my introduction into sex was when I was 13.
00:13:52I was molested by this person who my parents let into our home because he was, like, a 16-year-old kid.
00:13:59And my parents wanted to, like, basically adopt him because he had a really horrible home life.
00:14:04Like, I'm talking heavy drugs.
00:14:06And so they felt really sorry for him but didn't really know him know him.
00:14:12And I was taken advantage of by him.
00:14:15And 13 years old, like, I had no idea what any of that was.
00:14:20Like, I didn't know what I was feeling.
00:14:22I was just, like, okay.
00:14:25Like, and I didn't tell my parents until I was, like, 16.
00:14:28But they didn't even need to be told.
00:14:30They knew something was wrong.
00:14:31Like, I was sneaking out of the window at, like, 2 in the morning coming back at 4 or 5 a.m., you know, and just acting so wild, like, crazy.
00:14:40Like, I wanted, like, I started working, like, a 40-hour-a-week job at, like, 16.
00:14:46And I know you're not supposed to do that.
00:14:48But, like, my boss let me because I was a great worker because I just needed purpose.
00:14:52Like, I needed something to hang on to because I didn't want to go back home.
00:14:56I was, like, let me work.
00:14:58Let me make some money.
00:14:59Let me buy a car for myself, you know.
00:15:01Like, let me, I need freedom.
00:15:02I felt like a caged bird, you know.
00:15:05And I'm just, like, stuck in this cycle of homeschooling and churchgoing.
00:15:10And I didn't like my church.
00:15:12And, like, I was just, like, dang, I'm so stuck.
00:15:16Like, it just, it grips you.
00:15:18And it just, it's, like, horrible as a teenager to feel like that.
00:15:21I didn't have any friends.
00:15:23Because, like, I don't know, like, my siblings were my friends.
00:15:26And that's, like, not cool.
00:15:26They have their own trauma.
00:15:28They really do.
00:15:29Like, they really do.
00:15:29And we took it out on each other for sure.
00:15:32But.
00:15:32Yeah.
00:15:33First of all, let me say, I'm sorry that that happened to you.
00:15:36It's okay.
00:15:37And, no, I say that because I was also molested by an older teenage girl when I was a little boy.
00:15:45And I shove it in the back of my brain because, as a kid, you don't know how to process it.
00:15:53But you get older and you realize how it has negatively affected you in so many ways.
00:15:57And I just want to say, like, the reason I say I'm sorry that happened to you is because I want you to, like, feel the same weight lifted off that I felt.
00:16:10And knowing, like, oh, some of the decisions I made that were not healthy decisions are not just a product of me just being a.
00:16:21Oh, I fully realize that.
00:16:23You know.
00:16:23Just being a crazy hormonal teenager.
00:16:26Yeah.
00:16:26And that's what I thought.
00:16:27Like, I was like, dang, I'm just whack, man.
00:16:29Like, what is wrong with me?
00:16:31Yeah.
00:16:32My parents made me feel like that.
00:16:33Like, until I told them and then they just threw me into therapy with, like, an 80-year-old woman.
00:16:39And I was like, this helps, you know.
00:16:41So, and, like, I kind of told her a little bit.
00:16:44But then she just said that, like, my introduction to sex was so dark and perverted that it's, like, twisting the way I see sex.
00:16:52Yes.
00:16:53And it's not proper.
00:16:54It's not pure.
00:16:56It is not the way you're supposed to go about it.
00:16:58But I was, like, having, you know, sex at, like, I started having sex at, like, 15.
00:17:03And it was just, like, you know, I needed that attention.
00:17:07Like, I craved it.
00:17:09I didn't even know what I craved, but I knew I needed some love.
00:17:13Yeah.
00:17:13You know, from somebody.
00:17:15Yeah.
00:17:15I've never had an OnlyFans subscription, but I have had a B-side subscription.
00:17:20Are you subscribed to the B-side?
00:17:22You see, because what the B-side does for you is it gives you bonus content, exclusive courses.
00:17:29You can go deeper, learn more, and grow and become the person that you need to be.
00:17:34You may not make millions on OnlyFans, but you will enrich your life all the more.
00:17:42Make sure you subscribe to the B-side.
00:17:43Yeah, and it's taken out of the context of, like, it being spiritual and meaningful because
00:17:50someone already took it from you.
00:17:52Yeah, it's gone.
00:17:53So it's, like, it's not this.
00:17:55And so then you grow up, like, that's not a big deal.
00:17:58It's just whatever.
00:17:59Oh, yeah.
00:17:59Or it's a tool to get something else or whatever, whatever.
00:18:03That's what the world teaches for sure.
00:18:05Especially if you talk to women nowadays.
00:18:06They're like, use that, you know?
00:18:08I'm like, for what?
00:18:10Right.
00:18:10You want a Gucci bag?
00:18:12I don't get it.
00:18:15But I do get it, too.
00:18:16You know what I'm saying?
00:18:17Like, it's like a power now.
00:18:18And I'm like, it's not a superpower, man.
00:18:20It's something to treasure.
00:18:22Oh, man, I wish I could go back.
00:18:25Oh, now that I'm married, I'm like, oh, I should have waited.
00:18:28But no one explained that.
00:18:30You know, my parents did.
00:18:33But I looked at them.
00:18:34I'm like, dude, y'all have been divorced once.
00:18:36Like, we're a broken family.
00:18:38Like, how important is that, actually?
00:18:40You know?
00:18:40Like, my dad cheated on my mom.
00:18:42Like, really?
00:18:42Is it that important?
00:18:43You know?
00:18:44So it's hard to respect that, you know, when you don't see that.
00:18:48So as like a teenager, you're just like wiling with hormones and like you don't know what
00:18:53to do.
00:18:54Like, you don't even feel like you can go to anybody about it.
00:18:57You know?
00:18:57Even your therapist is like 80 years old who's like drooling over there.
00:19:00I'm like, what am I going to say to you, bro?
00:19:04Like, I'm embarrassed.
00:19:05Your therapist is killing me right now.
00:19:06No, man.
00:19:06Oh, man.
00:19:07I just see like Mr. Burns from The Simpsons trying to coach you through stuff.
00:19:12It's crazy to my brain.
00:19:13That's wild.
00:19:15So I appreciate you setting the stage.
00:19:17Yeah.
00:19:18And I think that's helpful, especially for folks who are just like, they're sticker
00:19:23shock.
00:19:24Like, OnlyFans.
00:19:25I agree.
00:19:25Like, whoa, whoa.
00:19:26I agree.
00:19:26Um, but it's funny because I was watching some of your testimony with my daughter, who's
00:19:3515.
00:19:36And, um, you look too young to have a daughter that's 15 years old.
00:19:40Come on.
00:19:40Talk nice to me.
00:19:41Black don't crack me.
00:19:42That's right.
00:19:42Unless you smoke it.
00:19:43Don't smoke it.
00:19:44Oh, dang.
00:19:45But, um, but what was cool was she asked me, was she was like, how do people like, how
00:19:53do, how do people know her?
00:19:55And I was like, what do you mean?
00:19:56And she was like, why was she so popular before she became a Christian?
00:20:00And I said, OnlyFans.
00:20:02And she said, how do people know about OnlyFans?
00:20:06And I love that.
00:20:07Like, innocence.
00:20:08Oh, it's so sweet.
00:20:10That she had.
00:20:10Like, hang on to that.
00:20:11Yeah.
00:20:11But, but it was interesting to me because I thought about it though.
00:20:15And I said, well, that's interesting because I wouldn't have known who you were because
00:20:18I don't.
00:20:19You're not on that side of the internet.
00:20:21Right.
00:20:21It's a completely different side.
00:20:23Whole nother world.
00:20:23Whole nother planet.
00:20:24So I'm curious, like, what's the first, what's the pinky toe before you get to OnlyFans?
00:20:32Like, what is, how does it like, or is it just like, oh, I'm gonna do that immediately.
00:20:36Like, were there some steps?
00:20:38Was it like, I'm gonna put some pictures up online that are a little like.
00:20:41Bikini photos on Instagram.
00:20:43Okay.
00:20:43And I was like, a fitness chick, you know?
00:20:45And I'm like, oh, I'm just doing this for fitness, you know?
00:20:47Like, I look good.
00:20:48I go to the gym.
00:20:49Okay.
00:20:49Like, little tiny steps.
00:20:51And then, like, I had a boyfriend I was like sending nudes to, you know?
00:20:55And I was like, oh, I'm comfortable with this.
00:20:57Like, another doorway opened.
00:20:59And then I was like, I got so comfortable in that, some random guy, like, messages me
00:21:05on Instagram and is like, this is right when only, like, COVID just hit, right?
00:21:10Like, or just about hit.
00:21:12And he's like, you would kill it on OnlyFans.
00:21:14I'm like, what is OnlyFans, bro?
00:21:16And at the time, I was working for an orthopedics company.
00:21:19Like, I'm doing, like, a real big girl job, not making, like, any money, you know?
00:21:23Feeling okay about it, you know?
00:21:25But I'm trying to make more money.
00:21:26I'm trying to, like, escalate.
00:21:27But I've been in that job for, like, two and a half years, not going nowhere.
00:21:31Like, they keep you where you're at.
00:21:33And he was like, you'd do great on OnlyFans.
00:21:35I was like, what's OnlyFans?
00:21:36And he's like, well, it's a site you can, like, be exclusive on with your fans.
00:21:40I'm like, I have no fans, bro.
00:21:41What are you talking about?
00:21:42Like, I have, like, 20K followers on Instagram and that's it.
00:21:45I didn't have any other platforms.
00:21:47And so, he was just like, well, just start posting it.
00:21:49Open it up, like, through my link, blah, blah, blah.
00:21:51Never use his link.
00:21:53But I was just like, because I didn't know if it was a scam or not.
00:21:55Oh, yeah, got you.
00:21:55So, I just, like, created my own little account.
00:21:57Had no idea what to do on the platform.
00:22:00And just started, like, using my bikini photos to promote it.
00:22:06And then slowly, I just got, like, crazy traction because of it.
00:22:11I had bright red hair.
00:22:12I was, like, one of the first bright red-haired girls on OnlyFans.
00:22:16Did you do that before OnlyFans?
00:22:18Uh-huh.
00:22:18Like, was it, okay.
00:22:18I've had red hair for a very long time.
00:22:20Now, what were you, when you first jumped on OnlyFans, are you just posting non-adult type of pictures?
00:22:26Yes.
00:22:26So, just like.
00:22:27Like, teasers.
00:22:28Teaser content.
00:22:28Okay.
00:22:29Like, nothing crazy, crazy.
00:22:30But the amount I made in the first month was ridiculous.
00:22:33From just, like, skin.
00:22:36Just a little skin.
00:22:37Like, a little more than a little.
00:22:38But, like, obviously, like, showing some stuff.
00:22:40But it was not anything, like, rated R yet, you know?
00:22:44Wow.
00:22:44So, I was, like, maybe I do have fans.
00:22:47And so, you're, so, the first, like, how does it work?
00:22:51Because I don't, I don't, I'm.
00:22:52It's good that you don't know.
00:22:53Yeah.
00:22:55Like.
00:22:55I don't even want to educate you on it.
00:22:57Well, not to promote it, right?
00:23:00Absolutely not.
00:23:00Not to promote it.
00:23:01But just for, for people to understand how it could become addictive or how it can, like, the trap of it all.
00:23:07Because we know it ended up being bad.
00:23:08Oh, it's a huge trap.
00:23:09The money's the trap.
00:23:10Okay.
00:23:10You know, and so many, like, OnlyFans has so many recruiters because they'll give you a referral percentage of whatever that model makes if you sign them up.
00:23:19So, they have all these little recruiters out there.
00:23:21Like, that's what that guy was, was, like, a recruiter, like, not hired on by OnlyFans, but was on OnlyFans and knew how it worked.
00:23:29It was, like, hey, this girl could be big.
00:23:32Let me give her my referral code so I get 5% of what she makes.
00:23:35Wow.
00:23:35So, that's kind of how it started spreading, like, crazily.
00:23:38And so, I never referred one person to OnlyFans.
00:23:41Not once.
00:23:42I just didn't even care.
00:23:43I was, like, I'm just doing my own thing and I want to stay off of this, you know.
00:23:47But then I noticed that showing more skin got me more money.
00:23:50People started making more requests.
00:23:53And I was, like, they're, like, I'm, like, you would pay that for that?
00:23:55So, people send you a message saying, if you do this, I'll pay this.
00:23:59Yep.
00:23:59And you can say yes or no to it.
00:24:01You just continue to, like, to DM them and stuff.
00:24:03Is this a private message you send these people?
00:24:04Private message, yes.
00:24:05So, they'll say, hey, if you send me this picture or this video, I'll pay you X amount of money.
00:24:10Yep.
00:24:12Do you, like, who are these?
00:24:13Are these, like, I'm just wondering the typical character of, like, are these all types of people?
00:24:19All types of people.
00:24:20Mainly just men.
00:24:22I hardly ever had any women unless they were, like, lesbian or something.
00:24:25But, like, that never really happened.
00:24:26Certain types of men are all, like, business, professional, doctor, lawyer, husband.
00:24:30All of them.
00:24:31Wow.
00:24:32All of them.
00:24:32I think, not even I think, I know that our addiction to porn in America is ridiculous.
00:24:39Yeah.
00:24:40Ridiculous.
00:24:41And that's just in America.
00:24:42Like, crazy.
00:24:44And it's gotten so much worse because of OnlyFans.
00:24:47Yeah.
00:24:47Like, OnlyFans exploited it.
00:24:50Like, OnlyFans, their first year on, made over a billion dollars.
00:24:55Yeah.
00:24:55It's disgusting.
00:24:56What I see happening is funny.
00:24:59Boy, Satan is crafty.
00:25:01Yes, he is.
00:25:02What I see happening is, like, everything gets decentralized.
00:25:05Like, music.
00:25:06It's like, you can curate your own music now.
00:25:09You don't have to, like, watch movies.
00:25:11You can make your own on Tubi or whatever.
00:25:14You can just, you know, it's like, oh, I don't want a celebrity.
00:25:17I don't want a fan over celebrities.
00:25:19I'll become one on TikTok.
00:25:20And now it's like, oh, let me, I don't want to watch pornography.
00:25:23I want to create my own pornographic dream.
00:25:27What a good way to put it.
00:25:28And I think that's what.
00:25:29It's just a fantasy.
00:25:30Yeah.
00:25:30So, and that girl you're talking to, you have a relationship with her online.
00:25:34You know, it's not like just a porn star you're watching on a screen and then it happens and it ends.
00:25:39It's like, oh, I'm building a relationship with this girl.
00:25:42But you're not.
00:25:43She could care less about you.
00:25:45I'm telling you that right.
00:25:45She doesn't give a fat F about you.
00:25:49She's like, give me that bag.
00:25:51You know what I'm saying?
00:25:52I've heard so many girls say this.
00:25:54And I was like that at one point, too.
00:25:55I did not care at all.
00:25:57I was like, you're paying me, man.
00:25:58It's just a transaction.
00:25:59Keep it coming.
00:26:00Whatever your name is.
00:26:01Nick, Jake, whoever.
00:26:03I'll say your name.
00:26:03Just give me the check.
00:26:04That's exactly it.
00:26:05And then you can create customized content, like, for them, specifically saying their name, doing whatever they want.
00:26:11You're a puppet.
00:26:12You're literally a pimped out puppet.
00:26:14And your pimps are your subscribers.
00:26:19So give me an idea of, like, the type of money initially, like, that's making you say, what the heck is going on?
00:26:29Like, is it like, oh, you're making, you know, a salary at the orthopedic job.
00:26:35And then all of a sudden you double.
00:26:37Yeah.
00:26:38So I was making, like, $3,500 a month at the orthopedic job, right?
00:26:41A month.
00:26:42My first month on OnlyFans, I made $87,000.
00:26:45Oh, my.
00:26:46I was like, quit.
00:26:48Are you serious?
00:26:50It blew my mind.
00:26:52We're not promoting this, people.
00:26:53Not at all.
00:26:55There's trauma that comes with this.
00:26:57Okay.
00:26:57Way more than you can handle.
00:26:58So, and this is like, like, how does that, this just goes into your account?
00:27:06Yes.
00:27:06OnlyFans takes a percentage.
00:27:08Okay.
00:27:08And then other people you work with take a percentage off of it because you can't do it by yourself.
00:27:12After you have, like, 100,000 subscribers, you're not messaging them anymore.
00:27:16Wow.
00:27:16You got people messaging them for you.
00:27:18So now you're probably, your brain's just thinking, how can I make more?
00:27:21If I made this much, how can I make more?
00:27:23That every month was like, how can I top last month?
00:27:26That was my brain.
00:27:28Like, I fed off of that thought.
00:27:30And your conscious at the time is not, like, bothered at all?
00:27:35I'd say it really started getting bothered when my family found out.
00:27:40And my.
00:27:41How did they find out?
00:27:41So my dad said that someone at his work told him.
00:27:45He didn't believe them.
00:27:46And then he called me and I was like, well, yeah, I'm not going to lie to you.
00:27:49Yes, I'm doing this.
00:27:50My mom found out because she Googled the name Nala and then was like, it was so crazy.
00:27:56I was at dinner with them and some waiter comes up to me while I'm with my parents and is like, are you Nala Ray?
00:28:03And my mom's like, like, what?
00:28:06And Googles me and I'm like.
00:28:09Oh, wow.
00:28:10It was the most embarrassing thing ever.
00:28:13But then, like, my mom, like, cut off contact with me because I then moved to California.
00:28:19We, like, didn't speak for, like, three years.
00:28:22My dad, however, was a very different story.
00:28:25My dad encouraged me to stay on OnlyFans.
00:28:28Time out.
00:28:29Ex-pastor.
00:28:29Hold on.
00:28:30Wait a minute.
00:28:31Rewind the tape.
00:28:32What?
00:28:34Because.
00:28:35Was he burned by the church?
00:28:37Was he not?
00:28:38Of course he was.
00:28:39He never brought that up, really.
00:28:40But, like, for me, I was paying him.
00:28:43I was giving him money, like, every month.
00:28:46Because, like, you know, he's got such a hard life.
00:28:48Or he's, like, wants to quit his job.
00:28:50Or, like, his other kids need a divorce lawyer.
00:28:53Or custody over their first child.
00:28:56Or, you know, I'm like, here, here, here, here.
00:28:58Every time he called me, he was like, hey, yo, I don't want to bother you about this.
00:29:01But, like, I'm like.
00:29:04That's tough.
00:29:04I'm sorry.
00:29:05There you go.
00:29:06That's tough.
00:29:07It's so tough now.
00:29:08During it, I was just like, oh, at least one person in my family is speaking to me.
00:29:12Yeah.
00:29:13But, like, now, I'm like, when I finally decided to follow Christ, I called my dad.
00:29:19My husband was right next to me.
00:29:20And I was like, hey, dads, I'm getting off of OnlyFans.
00:29:23Like, blah, blah, blah.
00:29:24I was so excited.
00:29:25He was like, well, why don't you just stay on another year and a half and, like, make more money.
00:29:29And, you know, like, settle yourself in.
00:29:31Because, you know, it's really expensive right now.
00:29:33And I'm like, did you really just tell me to stay on OnlyFans?
00:29:36Like, did you really just say that to your daughter?
00:29:39Did you really just tell me to continue making porn?
00:29:42We're going to pray that your transformation encourages dad.
00:29:47And he's like, wow.
00:29:49Wow.
00:29:50Hey, listen.
00:29:50If he did it for you, he could do it for anybody.
00:29:53That's true.
00:29:54So we're going to pray for that.
00:29:55I'm praying every day, man.
00:29:57It's so hard.
00:29:58So you said you were embarrassed when they found out.
00:30:04Were there any other people that found out and you were like, oh, my God.
00:30:07Or was it just parent, mom and dad?
00:30:08Just mom and dad, basically.
00:30:10Like, my siblings, I didn't really care too, too much about.
00:30:12Like, I just wasn't thinking about it, you know.
00:30:15Obviously, it affected them in some way.
00:30:17But, like, for me, I just didn't care.
00:30:19Those are, like, my siblings, you know what I'm saying?
00:30:20Like, I'm going to do what I want.
00:30:22You guys are doing what you want to do, you know.
00:30:23You guys are already popping out babies with other people.
00:30:26Like, I'm like, who are you to judge me, you know.
00:30:28Why does mom say, I don't want to have any contact with you anymore?
00:30:32Like, what's the.
00:30:32So she just basically, the last thing she said to me before I moved to California was, like, I hope, like, you're happy in all the choices you make.
00:30:39You know, and it was such a sarcastic, like, kind of way.
00:30:43And I was like, okay.
00:30:45Sounds like she was shielding herself from hurt.
00:30:47Absolutely.
00:30:48Because she's like, I know I didn't raise you like this.
00:30:49I'm like, but, like, how did you raise me then?
00:30:53Yeah.
00:30:54Like.
00:30:54It's easier to be like, I'm not going to deal with this.
00:30:58Oh, yeah.
00:30:58Than to, like, deal with the constant pain and reminder of seeing your child go down a dark path.
00:31:03Fact.
00:31:03And I can only imagine.
00:31:04I don't have kids, so I can only imagine that pain.
00:31:07Yeah.
00:31:07I really can't grasp it in my head.
00:31:09Yeah.
00:31:10So, like, I understand, but that disconnect from her and, like, my family is what threw me into, like, porn.
00:31:18Because I was like, I got nothing else to lose.
00:31:21So, F it.
00:31:22I'm out here.
00:31:22F it.
00:31:22I was like, let's go full send.
00:31:25Because I'm like, I can make more money anyway like this, and nobody seems to care about me anyway.
00:31:29I didn't have friends.
00:31:30Didn't have my family.
00:31:32And if I did have my family, he's encouraging me to do it.
00:31:35So I'm like, cool.
00:31:36How long were you on OnlyFans?
00:31:38Five years.
00:31:39And how much money do you think you made in total?
00:31:4114 million.
00:31:44Okay.
00:31:45I didn't, like, I grossed that.
00:31:47I didn't net that kind of thing.
00:31:49Like, I know.
00:31:49You generated 14 million dollars.
00:31:53You generated, like, multiple people's lifetime of money.
00:32:00I make athletes money.
00:32:01That's crazy.
00:32:02NFL player over here.
00:32:03No, I'm just kidding.
00:32:04Now, for the person, the person who's watching this or listening to your story, and they're like, dang, I could make that money.
00:32:12Oh, man.
00:32:13It comes with the price of your soul.
00:32:15Come on.
00:32:16Break it down.
00:32:16Where does it?
00:32:17You're in L.A.
00:32:18You're bald.
00:32:19Wait, before I even get to how it breaks down, how, because, because people never hear the emptiness of it all.
00:32:26Oh, man.
00:32:27So talk about, let's just talk about.
00:32:28Let's talk about it.
00:32:29Talk about, first talk about the highlight reel.
00:32:32First talk about, like.
00:32:33Living it up.
00:32:34Right.
00:32:34Oh, yeah.
00:32:35So I'm living in a $3.4 million house alone.
00:32:38So my rent was, like, 16K a month.
00:32:41I was driving a Porsche.
00:32:43Had it.
00:32:44Super crazy designer bags.
00:32:46Like, I went to other places in the world to go buy my designer bags.
00:32:50So, like, one of a kind, or one of this, or, and I had my closet.
00:32:55Every room in my six-bedroom home was stuffed full of clothes.
00:33:00All my clothes.
00:33:00Like, had it all.
00:33:02Had a wicked gaming setup, because I love playing Call of Duty.
00:33:05You know.
00:33:06Shout out to the COD people.
00:33:07Shout out.
00:33:08Please sponsor me.
00:33:10But, had it all.
00:33:13Like, I had my two dogs.
00:33:15I was chilling.
00:33:16I was single.
00:33:16Like, making millions.
00:33:19Like, it just didn't feel.
00:33:21Like, they call California la-la land for a reason.
00:33:24You are stuck in a cloud of just, like, not even knowing what day it is.
00:33:29I smoked a lot of weed.
00:33:31Yeah.
00:33:31Every day was high.
00:33:33Yeah.
00:33:33You know, I never got into drinking, but I was so high every day.
00:33:37You think you needed to do that?
00:33:39Oh, yeah.
00:33:39To, like, shut your conscience down?
00:33:41To be numb.
00:33:42Yeah.
00:33:42I felt a lot of things, but I needed to be numb to focus on my work.
00:33:46Wow.
00:33:46You know?
00:33:47And it did.
00:33:47I started taking Adderall for a while and smoking weed, just to, like, get this little
00:33:52more of a high.
00:33:53Had to stop taking that, because my heart rate was too fast.
00:33:56You know?
00:33:56Felt like I was going to have a heart attack.
00:33:58But you got, essentially, no family.
00:34:00No family.
00:34:01No friends.
00:34:01Because everyone in California is fake.
00:34:03Right.
00:34:03There's no one who's there who's, like, your real friend.
00:34:06Especially in the industry.
00:34:07No.
00:34:08Right.
00:34:08Not at all.
00:34:09Like, they're all like, oh, hi.
00:34:11Like, oh, my God.
00:34:13And you're like, okay.
00:34:14And I just spent almost every day, like, inside my house, like, just making content.
00:34:19You know?
00:34:19I never got sick of it.
00:34:20I was just at home.
00:34:21I learned, I started taking martial arts.
00:34:25Did fight scenes.
00:34:27I learned bow staffing, nunchucks, samurai stuff.
00:34:30Like, I had all the time and money to do just cool stuff.
00:34:33Yeah.
00:34:33And started taking Japanese, and I was just like, oh, man, like, this is, I'm living the
00:34:38life.
00:34:38I can pay for all of my hobbies, like, and I get to stay at home.
00:34:42And it was just, it felt good.
00:34:45But again, I was so calloused over.
00:34:49Like, you couldn't say anything that would hurt my feelings.
00:34:52Yeah.
00:34:52I was so high.
00:34:53Like, I didn't care.
00:34:54You couldn't even tap into your emotions.
00:34:57Not in the least bit.
00:34:58I didn't cry, I swear, for like two years.
00:35:01Like, didn't feel anything.
00:35:04Like, I felt a lot of rage.
00:35:05That's why I started boxing, you know?
00:35:07And like, just getting into like all these physical stuff.
00:35:10Like, I hit the gym so hard.
00:35:13Yeah.
00:35:13Like, and I just, I wanted, I had like anger, but not like feelings, you know?
00:35:18It's funny.
00:35:19I wasn't happy.
00:35:20I was just like mellow.
00:35:22Mellow.
00:35:22Yeah.
00:35:23There's a book I read called The Body Keeps the Score.
00:35:25Because I was very similar, right?
00:35:27Okay.
00:35:27And it's like, I went through all this trauma, but I was pretty callous.
00:35:33And The Body Keeps the Score is a book where it talks about like, no matter what you went
00:35:37through, your body, you may feel like, oh, that was the past.
00:35:41I got over it.
00:35:42But your body's like, we never did.
00:35:44Your soul never did.
00:35:45Yeah.
00:35:45Like, it's still inside your nervous system, your soul.
00:35:49It's like, it's still there as if it happened yesterday.
00:35:52Right.
00:35:52Your brain can push things.
00:35:54Right.
00:35:54It really does a great job of that to like protect you.
00:35:57Sure.
00:35:57But like your heart.
00:35:59Oh, all of it.
00:35:59You have soul ties everywhere.
00:36:01Like strung out.
00:36:03So what, like, where, when are you starting to realize, because it's got to be hard to
00:36:12be wealthy, you know, fake popular to realize like I'm empty.
00:36:23When did you start to realize like, wait a minute, this is not, I don't, something's not
00:36:27right.
00:36:28You know, it's crazy.
00:36:28I didn't realize it until I met my now feature or my now husband.
00:36:33We met on Tik TOK.
00:36:35I was not feeling anything, you know, up until this, we met on Tik TOK.
00:36:39He was live battling and I was like, oh, this guy's cool.
00:36:41He's got his whole body armor on.
00:36:43Cause he's like ex air force, you know, has live battling.
00:36:47Yeah.
00:36:47What do you mean?
00:36:48So like on, you can go Tik TOK live where it's just a screen of you, but then when you
00:36:52battle, it splits the screen between two creators and you battle to make the most coins.
00:36:56You know, but he was dressed up for the battle.
00:36:59He had a solid bulletproof helmet on with nods.
00:37:03He had a level five plated vests on.
00:37:07I was like, who is this?
00:37:10Like, and obviously I thought he's cute, but I was like, I went in there and gifted him.
00:37:16We won the battle.
00:37:17And I was like, oh, that's cool.
00:37:18A little rush for me.
00:37:19Cause like, I like to win obviously.
00:37:21And he went off.
00:37:23He like threw his chair.
00:37:24He was just like screaming my name.
00:37:26And I felt like, I was like, oh yeah, we won.
00:37:29You know, it just gave me this rush and whatever.
00:37:31Like that wasn't the big deal.
00:37:33He sent me his, his work number.
00:37:36And I was like, why am I going to give you a work number?
00:37:38Like, I don't want to talk to you.
00:37:39Like I was just in there for the win.
00:37:41You know what I'm saying?
00:37:41I ignored him.
00:37:42And then I saw his life again the next day, made him win again.
00:37:46And he FaceTimes me.
00:37:47And I was like, why is this boy FaceTiming me?
00:37:50Like I got freaked out.
00:37:51How did he get your number?
00:37:52I texted it to him.
00:37:54Okay.
00:37:54But he was like FaceTiming me.
00:37:55And I just didn't.
00:37:56And I gave him my number and he starts FaceTiming me.
00:37:58And I'm like, why is this boy FaceTiming me right now?
00:38:00Like I'm literally both staffing right now.
00:38:01Like, leave me alone.
00:38:02Like, and then we just got into this crazy deep conversation.
00:38:06We stayed up for like seven hours talking to each other.
00:38:09And I was like, oh, this guy's hurt.
00:38:12Like this guy's going through some stuff.
00:38:14Like he had been through a previous relationship and just where he was in life.
00:38:18He, he was just a little hurt.
00:38:20I could tell that.
00:38:21And I, like, I saw that emotion and I was like, oh, like, I don't have that.
00:38:27I don't feel that.
00:38:29Like I was so curious as to like what he was feeling because no one in LA ever talks about
00:38:35the real stuff.
00:38:36They're never going to open up to you about what's really going on.
00:38:40Everything's just great.
00:38:41Yeah.
00:38:42Everything's just great.
00:38:43Yeah.
00:38:43And it's like reality hit.
00:38:45And I was like, so intrigued by this.
00:38:48I was like, I got to know him better.
00:38:50Like what he's going through.
00:38:52We sit up for seven hours on FaceTime, just talking, asking each other the deepest questions
00:38:57about our lives.
00:38:58And up until then, no one, up until then you were just objectified.
00:39:02Very.
00:39:02No one cared about the real you.
00:39:04No one cared.
00:39:04He had no idea who I was.
00:39:06Cause again, he was not on that side of the internet.
00:39:08He's like a Christian content creator.
00:39:10Content as a person on TikTok.
00:39:12Yeah.
00:39:12He was like, oh dang, she's got a really big following, you know, cool.
00:39:16But like, he didn't care at all.
00:39:17Like he didn't even ask me what I did.
00:39:19And I was like in love with that.
00:39:21I was like, someone who doesn't know.
00:39:24For me, I'm seen.
00:39:26Made me blush.
00:39:27So we, we just kept talking, became best friends.
00:39:31Like nothing sexual.
00:39:32Like obviously like he's good looking and he knows I'm good looking, but it was so far
00:39:36past that.
00:39:37Like for him, he got to open up to somebody who he doesn't know.
00:39:41And he thought he was, I was like really cool.
00:39:43Like I'm a country girl at heart.
00:39:44Like I can talk really deep.
00:39:47You know, I love hunting, fishing, like all this cool stuff.
00:39:49And he's from the sticks.
00:39:50So like, we just bonded over that.
00:39:53But like, also I felt very comfortable opening up about my feelings and like what I was going
00:39:59through.
00:39:59I right off the bat was like, you know, I'm on OnlyFans, right?
00:40:02He was like, well, what's OnlyFans?
00:40:05And I was like, all right, well, let me tell you.
00:40:07And you don't have to be my friend after this.
00:40:08But he was like, oh, I don't care.
00:40:10Like just completely did not mind.
00:40:12Obviously like questions started to happen later on.
00:40:15Like he became curious because he started seeing my content that was very promiscuous.
00:40:19And the one thing about that Jordan is what he did differently with me was like, he started
00:40:24sending me Bible verses, like would just text me Bible verses, send me Christian content.
00:40:31And I was like, bro, like, come on.
00:40:33Like, you think I'm going to watch this?
00:40:35You know what I'm saying?
00:40:35Like, but then he like outright one day sent me a like video being like, I know you may
00:40:43not want to hear this, but like, God loves you so much and you are so worth it.
00:40:48Like what you're doing is not right.
00:40:51And like called me out, called my sin out.
00:40:55I got so defensive.
00:40:57I was like, I'm ready to stop being your friend right now.
00:41:00Like, I'm like, how dare you judge me?
00:41:03That's what I felt like it was, but it wasn't.
00:41:05He was not judging me in the least bit.
00:41:07He was like loving me.
00:41:09And I was like, I understand that now.
00:41:11But man, back in December, I did not get that.
00:41:14I was like, dang, because we met in late September.
00:41:17We became boyfriend and girlfriend in January, but he would not date me until I gave my life
00:41:22to Christ.
00:41:24But he's a band of dating.
00:41:25Oh, he like, he's like, Lord, what you've done for them do for me.
00:41:30No, but he prayed for me all the time.
00:41:33He'd send me voice notes of him praying for me.
00:41:35And I just didn't even know what to do with that.
00:41:37But let me tell you, like the one night God met me where I was.
00:41:43He was just always there, but I met him.
00:41:45Like truly was Jordan was upstairs falling asleep on FaceTime and it was like two in
00:41:50the morning and I just felt weird.
00:41:53Like my emotions were stirring, but I couldn't like explain it.
00:41:57And I walked downstairs just by myself.
00:41:59And for some reason I had gotten my Bible out of the cabinet in my living room and set
00:42:05it up because I'm sure I needed something in that.
00:42:07But I set it up on the counter and it was like right in my view.
00:42:10And I just started crying for some reason.
00:42:13And I was like, oh my gosh, like what's going on?
00:42:16I freaked out.
00:42:17And I was like sitting down, looking at my fireplace, looked over at my Bible, went and picked
00:42:22up my Bible, didn't read anything, but I was just flipping through it because I'd highlighted
00:42:26so much stuff in there from my past.
00:42:28And I was like, man, God, I used to know you.
00:42:32Like I used to know about you, you know, and I just started praying.
00:42:37I told God so honestly what I was feeling.
00:42:41I was like, God, nothing is filling this void.
00:42:44I feel nothing like nothing's working.
00:42:48Like everything I'm trying is failing.
00:42:51It's all slipping through my fingers like sand.
00:42:53Like, I don't know what to do.
00:42:55I don't know what you want me to do.
00:42:56Like you need to tell me what I need to do because I don't know.
00:42:59And I was so open and honest with God.
00:43:02And that's all God wants is just your honesty.
00:43:05He doesn't need you to come to him clean.
00:43:07He needs you as you are.
00:43:09Now, what do you think?
00:43:11Because you're talking to God.
00:43:13Obviously, Jordan's planting seeds.
00:43:15You already have some seeds planted from childhood.
00:43:18But what do you think when you're saying you're coming to God saying, I feel empty or I feel this way.
00:43:27Like what when are you realizing it?
00:43:29Are you did you already know you felt like this or or is it like hanging out with Jordan and hearing the pain and sharing the stories was helping you to come to the realization?
00:43:37It helped me definitely talking with him and just being real with a person who wasn't judging me.
00:43:43Like he didn't care what I had to say.
00:43:46He was there to listen.
00:43:47Yeah.
00:43:47And I was like, dang.
00:43:48And then he would reciprocate with just being open and honest with his life.
00:43:51And I loved that.
00:43:53I was like, I can trust you.
00:43:54And I don't trust anybody.
00:43:56Like, especially in California, you don't trust nobody.
00:43:59Like, I barely trust myself, you know?
00:44:01So, but like this moment happened with God where like, I really can't clearly think of a time where I've ever heard God's voice.
00:44:09So this was that moment.
00:44:11I was sitting down in my living room, sobbing.
00:44:14I don't know why I'm crying.
00:44:15And I'm like, God, you need to tell me something right now, like demanding it.
00:44:19I was like, you gotta.
00:44:20And he just said, I was all you ever needed.
00:44:23That was it.
00:44:24And it answered all of my questions.
00:44:27Like, why does these bags not make me feel good?
00:44:30Why does my Porsche not make me feel like great?
00:44:32And like, why do I feel empty?
00:44:34He was all I ever needed.
00:44:36And I'm all I'm doing is filling it with materialistic stuff on top of all this money.
00:44:41Wow.
00:44:41And I'm alone because of it.
00:44:43Who was Jesus to you before all of that?
00:44:47And who is he at that moment?
00:44:49Like a genie in a bottle.
00:44:51Okay.
00:44:51Like when I was like more so like a young, young teenager, I'd be like, oh, God, get me
00:44:55out of this situation right now.
00:44:56My parents are mad at me.
00:44:57Like, I don't know what to do, you know, but that was it.
00:45:00I never had a relationship with Christ ever.
00:45:03You know, it was only praying to God when I needed to get out of a situation.
00:45:06Like I was cheating in school.
00:45:07I needed to get out of that like situation because they're calling my parents and I got
00:45:11to go to detention.
00:45:12Like, God, get me out of this.
00:45:13Like, make this not happen.
00:45:15Just like a genie, like don't know at all who he is, really.
00:45:19And then now Jesus is.
00:45:21Man, like my even saying he's my everything is not enough.
00:45:25Like, that's how I feel.
00:45:26Like my soul needs him.
00:45:30Like, I've never been a reader until I became a Christian.
00:45:35Like, I can't get enough.
00:45:37Like the Bible is not enough for me.
00:45:39Like I read my Bible and I'm like, okay, so what's next?
00:45:41So I pick up a book from John Bevere, The All of God, The Holy Spirit by John Bevere,
00:45:47Driven by Eternity.
00:45:48I love Soul Care, The Power of a Praying Wife.
00:45:52Like I started reading.
00:45:53You're just consuming Christian content.
00:45:55I can't help it.
00:45:55Well, what you're doing is funny because I went through the same thing.
00:45:58I didn't grow up in a Christian household, but I had a radical transformation.
00:46:03And what we're doing is we're literally trying to change our mental maps because we like
00:46:08have thought one way for so long and you're like, I got to change the way I think about
00:46:12everything.
00:46:13What is this?
00:46:14What is that?
00:46:14And I'm kidding.
00:46:15So how fast did you get married?
00:46:18So fast.
00:46:19So we met in late September.
00:46:21We started dating in January.
00:46:23We were married in March.
00:46:25January, February, March.
00:46:26So September, October, November, December, January, February, March.
00:46:29So in seven months, y'all are married.
00:46:32Hey, listen, I got married in, we dated for four months.
00:46:40We were engaged for six.
00:46:42No, dated six months engaged.
00:46:44So 10 months.
00:46:46So I get the quickness.
00:46:47Yes.
00:46:48Well, when you know, you know.
00:46:49Yes.
00:46:50Like we did not believe in like, you know, like just dating for a long time because there's
00:46:56so much temptation in that, especially for someone like me and he's a male.
00:47:00So like, we're both attractive people.
00:47:02Like we're like, no, no, no, no.
00:47:03If God's called us to get married, we're going to get married.
00:47:05We're not going to wait one more day.
00:47:07Like, yeah, we're not falling into that sin trap.
00:47:10Like I, we got to do things right.
00:47:11Like we know we love each other.
00:47:13Like this man led me to Christ.
00:47:15He was, he was the only person there at my baptism.
00:47:18Like saying how proud he was of me.
00:47:20And we weren't even dating, like hugging me when I'm drenched, crying my makeup off.
00:47:26Like, and he's just there for me fully, you know, but he had great standards there to begin
00:47:32with, which I encourage all men to have with finding a pure woman.
00:47:36Not that I was pure, but you know what I'm saying?
00:47:38Like finding a woman, you need to be prudent in that.
00:47:41Like you need to have those standards.
00:47:43She's not supposed to be making up those standards.
00:47:45You are, you know?
00:47:47And he did.
00:47:47He kept those standards solid.
00:47:50Like, and I didn't, a lot of people even asked me like, didn't you just follow Christ to
00:47:53get married?
00:47:54I was like, absolutely not.
00:47:55I didn't know if we were even going to get married.
00:47:57I didn't even know if we were going to date.
00:47:58Like we weren't dating.
00:48:00We were just best friends.
00:48:01We kind of liked each other, but I was like such in a crazy lifestyle change that I wasn't
00:48:07even like worried about that.
00:48:08I was like, hold on.
00:48:09There's some stuff going on with me.
00:48:10I got to deal with.
00:48:11And at one point I tried to push him away because I was so scared.
00:48:15I was like, there's so much going on with me right now.
00:48:18I don't know if we can even, you know, even be friends right now.
00:48:21Like, but God had different plans and he put him in my life literally to help me come closer
00:48:27to Christ.
00:48:28And you know, once he saw that, I was so genuine in it too.
00:48:32Like, he didn't want to just be like, he didn't want to just see that I got saved.
00:48:36I got baptized.
00:48:37He wanted to literally hear me say, I'm deleting OnlyFans.
00:48:40And I did.
00:48:41I was like, dude, I'm getting off.
00:48:42That's where I was going to go is like, is the, like, some people have like, you know,
00:48:51these radical transformations.
00:48:52Some people have like, like a process.
00:48:56Like, you know what I mean?
00:48:57I think when you look in the Bible, you see people, their, their lifestyle or their action
00:49:09or whatever they're involved in can change overnight.
00:49:11Right.
00:49:12Like, oh, I was a slave and now I'm free.
00:49:14Yeah.
00:49:14But generally it takes a while for character stuff to start changing.
00:49:20Um, was there anything for you that was like, I don't know if I want to delete this or yes.
00:49:28Okay.
00:49:29So, oh man, I went through all those feelings.
00:49:30I was scared.
00:49:31Like it's pure fear at that point.
00:49:33You're like, yes, I just made a huge decision to follow Christ.
00:49:36You know, I'm a baby, baby Christian.
00:49:38Like I'm just now digging into the Bible a little bit.
00:49:41I'm learning how to pray, you know?
00:49:44So I'm like, okay, like, but I felt so much conviction over not just the OnlyFans, the way
00:49:49I spoke, my perverted tongue, cussing, modesty, like who I had in my life and the OnlyFans.
00:49:57Coping with smoking all the time.
00:49:58Smoking.
00:49:58I had to quit smoking weed.
00:50:00I was like, dude, I'm not being sober minded.
00:50:02Like I can't even think straight right now.
00:50:04That was a process too.
00:50:05But like, you know, making this decision was like such a big deal because that door of darkness
00:50:12was still open.
00:50:13Anything could have come through it.
00:50:15It could have destroyed our relationship.
00:50:17Like the money didn't matter anymore.
00:50:20It wasn't about that.
00:50:21You know, like if you trust in God, he will provide.
00:50:25But you do need to give up this stuff of the world so that you can follow him.
00:50:30Like God says, pick up your cross and follow me.
00:50:32That cross is not light.
00:50:33Yeah.
00:50:34You know, it's hard.
00:50:36It was like, I want to say one of the hardest decisions of my life because I'm saying goodbye
00:50:41to my financial freedom.
00:50:42I'm saying goodbye to like security.
00:50:46Like I've been my own boss for like six years now and I'm comfortable.
00:50:51I didn't even think I needed a man.
00:50:53I'm like, I'm cool with it.
00:50:54If I don't ever have one, you know, like I don't need a provider.
00:50:57I am the provider.
00:50:58And were you spending it as fast as you were getting it at that point in time?
00:51:01Oh yeah.
00:51:01So it wasn't like, okay, here's my long-term future plan.
00:51:05Well, I was kind of smart with my money.
00:51:07I started like a brokerage account and IRA, so I did throw money into good stuff too.
00:51:13But like another thing I do want to address with people, they're like so many people come
00:51:17at me and be like, you know, if you really change, you would have literally donated that
00:51:2114 million to charity.
00:51:22I'm like, number one, I did not make 14 million.
00:51:26I made OnlyFans 14 million.
00:51:28So like, you grossed 14 million.
00:51:30Dude, they take 50% of what you make and I have to pay taxes on the whole of it.
00:51:34They don't know about their taxes.
00:51:35That's what, in California, oh my God, my first year paying taxes, just state taxes
00:51:40alone in California was 70 racks.
00:51:42I was like, why am I living here?
00:51:44That's what I'm saying.
00:51:45People don't know about that, boy.
00:51:47But like, I'm saying also, God did not call me to give up my funds.
00:51:50If he did, there you go.
00:51:52Because he would provide.
00:51:53Sure.
00:51:53He is the provider.
00:51:55Sure.
00:51:55I never felt called to do that.
00:51:56I felt called to get off of OnlyFans and stop making that money, not to give up my entire
00:52:01life.
00:52:02Right.
00:52:02You know, I sold all my designer things.
00:52:04I gave up my Porsche.
00:52:04I drive a Jeep now.
00:52:06Like, dude, minimalistic life is great.
00:52:09It really is.
00:52:10It teaches me a lot.
00:52:11And I'm very humbled by it.
00:52:13So it's not like I didn't.
00:52:14Like, my thing is, is like, dude, I grew up poor.
00:52:16I got really rich.
00:52:17And now I'm, you know, middle class again.
00:52:20So it's like, I don't know.
00:52:22And I see plenty of examples.
00:52:23I mean, if you even look at Joseph in the Bible, who went through hell and high water, thrown
00:52:29in prison.
00:52:30Then he ends up working for Pharaoh, making tons of money for Pharaoh.
00:52:33And Pharaoh is not like a good guy.
00:52:36No.
00:52:36But you're making all your money off the back of Pharaoh.
00:52:38But he uses his money to help his family, his brothers, so on and so forth.
00:52:43So it's not like he's like, oh, I can't do that.
00:52:46I'm out of this job.
00:52:47I'm not working here.
00:52:48This is not pure money.
00:52:48Yeah.
00:52:49I get where you're coming from.
00:52:51Yeah.
00:52:51But you did address like people.
00:52:54Do you face a lot of backlash and people saying like you're fake or so much?
00:52:59If you go on any one of my social media platforms, there's hundreds of thousands of comments about
00:53:03people thinking I'm fake.
00:53:05And I'm like, I love that we dug into like the deep of it.
00:53:09You know what I'm saying?
00:53:09Because they're like this story built a really long time ago.
00:53:13It didn't just me popped on to OnlyFans.
00:53:16I just happened to become super popular.
00:53:18I was dedicated toward a cause that I fell in love with because that's all I had to
00:53:23love, you know, because I wasn't being loved, you know?
00:53:27So I was like, all right, but it's not that God didn't love me.
00:53:30I just didn't know God loved me, you know?
00:53:33And you found love.
00:53:37True love.
00:53:38Yeah.
00:53:38You found the real love at the end of the day.
00:53:41So what would you say to either people who are on OnlyFans currently or people who are
00:53:52thinking about it?
00:53:54Like, what would you like?
00:53:55What would you what would you advise or or talk to them about?
00:54:00It's wow.
00:54:03Like, obviously, I could just say don't.
00:54:05But like, it doesn't even give a depth to what you pay for in price.
00:54:10Like, it's not just your soul, man.
00:54:13You pay for it in your thoughts.
00:54:15You pay for it in your body.
00:54:17Like, you are a slave and you don't even think you are.
00:54:22Like, now that I'm out of it completely, I'm like, I was literally hundreds of thousands
00:54:29of people's slaves.
00:54:30Wow.
00:54:31Like, that's what I felt like.
00:54:33This is why I feel like during it didn't feel so bad.
00:54:36Didn't look at it like that.
00:54:37And during it, I was like, I'm the boss.
00:54:39I'm like, no, you're not.
00:54:40You're really not.
00:54:42So if you want to pay that price, like, that's your choice.
00:54:45I'm not here to tell you to do whatever you want with your life.
00:54:48But like, you need to make the decision very carefully.
00:54:53Yeah.
00:54:53Because there is a price to pay, even though you're making money, man, the devil can give
00:54:57you things, too.
00:54:58Well, that's the thing is like he can give you things to stay on.
00:55:01Stay away from God.
00:55:01And that's exactly what he gave me.
00:55:03He gave me an option to not follow Christ.
00:55:07Yeah.
00:55:07And we're all slaves in that regard.
00:55:10When we're not free in Christ, we're a slave to Satan.
00:55:15And that's the thing is, I love your story because what it expresses is that, like, Satan
00:55:24always shows you, like, the bait without the hooks that are going to be stuck in your mouth
00:55:34forever.
00:55:34And then you can't get it out.
00:55:35Right.
00:55:36Like, you on your own cannot get it out.
00:55:38Can't get it out.
00:55:38God's got to get that out for you.
00:55:40And, you know, the devil's not going to take it out.
00:55:42Right.
00:55:42And some of us escape, like yourself, the hooks.
00:55:47And you got to do some therapy to deal with some of the.
00:55:50But some of us escape and lose limbs and lose pieces of ourselves.
00:55:55And, and I don't want that for anybody else either.
00:55:58It's like, hey, man, you know, God.
00:56:01Because it's like you almost can't get that back.
00:56:03Yeah.
00:56:04Like that part of you that is now completely ripped off.
00:56:07Yep.
00:56:07It ain't coming back.
00:56:08It's not growing back.
00:56:09Like, deal with it that it's gone.
00:56:11Walk with the Lord and know that, man, that was the cost of doing business with the devil.
00:56:16When you think about how heavy that is, like the cost of something, like porn is literally
00:56:21like you pay for it with your soul.
00:56:23Yeah, I'm, I'm super encouraged.
00:56:28Like, I just feel like, you know, you, you, you dealt with a lot growing up.
00:56:37And number one, I praise God that someone who went through everything that you experienced
00:56:42is able to come out on the other side, you know, because that little girl who went through
00:56:48all that trauma and experienced all those things, like there's a lot of knowledge out
00:56:55there.
00:56:55Oh, yeah.
00:56:56Who, who are like, there are a lot of the craze out there.
00:56:59Right.
00:56:59Well, where's, where's my love?
00:57:01Where's the love?
00:57:01I never saw it in the right way.
00:57:04And, um, I hope your story just encourages people to say, oh, there's more.
00:57:11I just hope it encourages people to really believe in God's love because that's what saved
00:57:17me.
00:57:18Yeah.
00:57:18Feeling true love by my creator.
00:57:22Like I wasn't a mistake.
00:57:23And I finally felt that I was like, awesome.
00:57:27I have a purpose.
00:57:28It's not to make money and it's not to self-serve.
00:57:32It's not to buy this new Gucci bag on the shelf.
00:57:34It's not to travel the world.
00:57:36It is to serve and fear God.
00:57:39That's good.
00:57:39My creator who I will spend eternity with in heaven.
00:57:43Like, oh, what a temporary residence.
00:57:46Like, I feel like I'm renting from this world.
00:57:48You know, it's a, and even the Bible talks about it being your temporary home.
00:57:52Like, why would you, why would you want to be famous in a temporary place?
00:57:57I'd rather be that in eternity, man.
00:57:59Like, even if I'm a toilet scrubber in heaven, I'll be like, thank you, God.
00:58:02I'm in heaven.
00:58:02Thank you, God.
00:58:04Like, I'll take it any day.
00:58:05Like, I just want to be here.
00:58:07I just want to touch you.
00:58:08I just want to see you.
00:58:09Like, but I highly encourage anyone who is like, I have a lot of people who ask me,
00:58:13like, how did you get stronger in the Lord?
00:58:15I'm like, man, oh man, I prayed.
00:58:18I asked the Holy Spirit.
00:58:19And you know what I found so crazy?
00:58:21After I started reading, I found out more.
00:58:25Like, reading the Holy Spirit book taught me more about who the Holy Spirit was.
00:58:28He's not just like this floating cloud, man.
00:58:30Like, dude, he's here for you because God's in heaven.
00:58:33Jesus is in heaven.
00:58:34They sent the Holy Spirit to be with you here.
00:58:38Like, my communion with the Holy Spirit has gotten so firm.
00:58:44And then like the awe of God's teaching me to like, you know, sit alone, be in God's presence.
00:58:49Like, you're just, I'm like learning so much about God and I feel like I'm still thirsty.
00:58:54Yeah.
00:58:54And that's what's so great about it.
00:58:56I'm like, you guys got to keep that thirst for Christ.
00:58:59Like, don't let it go dry.
00:59:02Like, keep it coming.
00:59:03Keep it coming.
00:59:04So if I can encourage anybody out there, like, just keep getting to know God in more ways than one.
00:59:10You don't just need to read your Bible.
00:59:11You don't just need to pray.
00:59:12You need to like worship, read about him, sing about him.
00:59:15Like, sometimes I just like making up my own worship songs in the shower.
00:59:19I'm just like singing what's in my heart about God.
00:59:21Doesn't sound good.
00:59:22But you know what I'm saying?
00:59:23Like, he's like, oh yeah.
00:59:24It sounds good to him.
00:59:28What I love, Nala, is, first of all, this is, this conversation is phenomenal.
00:59:33It was so good.
00:59:34It doesn't even feel like a podcast.
00:59:35I know.
00:59:35It just feels like a living room chat.
00:59:37And that's because it's just authenticity, man.
00:59:40And that's what you bring.
00:59:42But what I love is, I think a lot of times, and this conversation has really made me feel that to a different degree.
00:59:49But a lot of times, I think people are waiting for like this big Christian figure to like turn the wheel and change the world.
00:59:57And I really believe God is saying, no, it's going to be little people everywhere in all these little departments just turning the wheel.
01:00:08You know what I mean?
01:00:09Like mine was the porn industry.
01:00:10You know, other people are like, man, rappers, like actors, like every industry and not even, you don't even need to be a big person.
01:00:21Like you're changing your life in your little community.
01:00:24That's right.
01:00:25Like you are changing, you are planting seeds.
01:00:28We are harvesters now.
01:00:29You know, we're not the seeds anymore.
01:00:30We are literally harvesting.
01:00:32So like, you know, you can't help that sometimes it falls on deaf ears or like haters ears.
01:00:38You know what I'm saying?
01:00:39It takes time, but the seeds get planted and I've seen it and I love what I'm seeing.
01:00:46And man, I'll be praying for you.
01:00:48I'll be praying for you and Jordan.
01:00:49I love it.
01:00:51I can't thank you enough.
01:00:52Thank you so much.
01:00:53So dope, man.
01:00:54So blessed, man.
01:00:55I really feel like the Holy Spirit was like here.
01:00:57I feel so like at peace in my heart right now.
01:01:00Facts.
01:01:01Facts.
01:01:03Woo.
01:01:03Woo.
01:01:04Yeah.
01:01:09Woo.
01:01:09Woo.
01:01:09Woo.
01:01:10Woo.
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